


Partners

by Lil_leels



Series: Partners [1]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Happy Ending, I guess there will be a sequel, Is 17 chapters slow burn enough?, I’ve been accused of teasing, Jane is extra, Meddling Angela, PTSD Jane, Post-Series, Protective Maura, Rizzles, Soft Jane, Some angst, Some sadness, Then things get resolved, Things Get Dark, This is not the happy story I meant to write., This story is getting away from me, Trigger warnings do apply, a kinda slow burn, clueless Maura, its a Ride, kidnapping plot, oh god. what the hell am I even writing., sorta updates daily tho....soooooo, the muses get what the muses want, then they get fluffy again, there's also a proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:41:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 78
Words: 184,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26350576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_leels/pseuds/Lil_leels
Summary: REVISEDJane moves to Quantico to begin her new life as an FBI instructor, Maura follows her because they're partners. Where one of them goes, the other follows. But a miscommunication leads Jane to believe the pair are more than just work partners, they're in a romantic relationship. Maura hasn't the foggiest clue. Domestic fluff, honest miscommunication, and lots of talking ensue but just as they start to get everything sorted, forces beyond either of their control threaten to pull them apart.Trigger warnings placed at the top of chapters. Non-graphic explicit scenes also warned about at the top of chapters. Try to update daily/every other.
Relationships: Maura Isles/Jane Rizzoli
Series: Partners [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162409
Comments: 1377
Kudos: 791





	1. Chapter 1

Jane Rizzoli watched the bustling airport with a wary eye. Business people with briefcases and harrassed looks dodged families with shrieking toddlers. Pilots and stewards wandered in laughing clusters as they dragged their neatly packed suit cases around clumps of caffine deprived travelers checking their phones at the coffee stand. Jane's eyes took everything in with the measured calm of a veteran detective. In the seat beside her, Maura Isles flipped quietly through a magazine that likely had words in its title that would bore Jane to tears. Their flight to Paris had been delayed by several hours. 

'Maur,' Jane said when she grew tired of people watching, 'I'm going to go get more coffee, want anything?' 

Maura glanced up at Jane when she spoke and smiled, 'a green tea would be wonderful, thank you Jane.' 

Jane grunted in reply and pushed herself up from her seat. The Boston Joe's line was moving quickly, the barista's working like a well oiled machine. Jane's black coffee came almost as soon as Jane had finished paying. Jane shoved a few bucks in to the tip jar and shuffled sideways to wait for Maura's green tea. Jane glanced back towards the blonde, making sure she was still safely seated and absorbed in her magazine. She knew, in theory, nothing could have happened. She knew, in theory, Maura was perfectly safe sitting alone in the middle of the airport on a bright Monday morning. Jane also knew, she would never stop looking for Maura. Looking out. Or at least, Jane wouldn't when they were together. After all, Jane wouldn't be able to look out for Maura when she was at Quantico and Maura was in Boston. The thought made Jane uncomfortable. She wrinkled her nose and grabbed Maura's drink from the counter. 

Back at their seat Maura was now talking to a man. Caucasian, 6'1, maybe 6'2, dark brown hair. Maura had her polite face on, nodding as the man spoke. She had closed the magazine around one finger, marking her page. Jane saw her eyes dart between the magazine and the man, clearly ready for the conversation to be done. Maura had come a long way in her social abilities but in moments like this Jane saw the socially awkward, clueless really, Maura that Jane had come to love. 

'...is a lovely city,' Jane heard the man say as she approached. He spoke with a French accent that sounded slightly out of place, 'and every lovely woman ought to have their own Parisian love story, no? I could certainly be of assisstance in that regard.' 

'Yes,' Maura replied, breaking in to a huge smile when she saw Jane, 'a true Parisian love story is certainly in order, isn't it sweetie?' 

Jane smiled back, passing Maura her cup, sliding quickly in to her seat. Jane slipped one arm around Maura's shoulders and pressed an affectionate kiss to Maura's cheek. 'I'm pretty partial to our Boston love story, darling.' Jane drawled in response. 

The man flushed and averted his eyes, 'my apologies, I did not realise you were otherwise engaged.' The pair watched the man retreat to another single looking woman. 

'You okay?' Jane asked. 

'Certainly,' Maura said with a smile, 'thank you for going along. He did not seem to understand the word no.' 

'But you could have had a great Parisian romance!' Jane said in an exaggerated French accent.

Maura laughed at her friend's antics, 'of course, now we will have to pretend to be a couple the entire flight.' 

'Maura!' Jane exclaimed in mock frustration. 'I have to _pretend_ to _like_ you now!' 

Maura laughed again. 'It's only an 8 hour flight Jane. You can go back to hating me as soon as we get off the plane.' 

'Fine!' Jane huffed, 'but I get to pick the first restaurant we try!' 

Maura didn't dignify that with a response, choosing to return to her magazine instead. Maura would have let Jane choose the restaurant anyways. Afterall Jane was coming to Paris for Maura. Besides, French food was always delicious. 

* * *

Maura had fallen asleep on the flight. She was curled in her seat, her head resting on Jane's shoulder. Their hands were clasped. Across the aisle, faux-french man shot daggered looks at Jane. Jane, having spent the better part of the flight messing with the man, showering Maura in even more affection than the pair usually shared, was now watching a movie. She couldn't tell you what the name was or even the primary plot points. Maura was at peace, contentedly sleeping beside Jane. Jane was Maura's sentinel. She would keep watch. At least, for now. While they were in Paris. 


	2. Chapter 2

Maura Isles smiled as she sipped her tea in the evening Parisian light. Maura and Jane had a week left on their vacation but Maura felt happy. Jane had surprised her by coming to Paris. Maura hadn't expected it but she would happily take the extra month with her best friend. In her quiet moments, Maura wasn't entirely certain how she would survive Boston without Jane there. She honestly doubted that she would. At least, not well. However seeing Jane in Paris had confirmed that Jane needed the change. Jane was burnt out, traumatised and ready for change. Jane _needed_ Paris, _needed_ Quantico. So Maura had encouraged her. Had told Jane to go. Now Maura had to figure out what she wanted. 

Paris was a good start. The city was new and different. Maura loved hearing and speaking French every day. She loved wandering the streets, smelling the delicious scent of freshly baked bread. Maura loved the fashion. The grandeur. Everything felt dramatic in France. It inspired Maura. She had written plenty for her book and plenty more for herself. Her journal was full of sights and feelings from the trip. Her wishlist was over flowing with clothing Jane would call fussy and impractical. 

Maura's phone stirred her from her thoughts, 'Dr. Isles,' Maura replied automatically. 

'Hello Dr. Isles,' Kent's scottish accent greeted her. 'How's Paris today?' 

'It's quite lovely Kent. Thank you for asking.' Maura replied with a small smile. She liked Kent. He was strange but he was also thoughtful and competent. More than capable of stepping up. 

'Right, well, you asked me to call. May I assume you wanted a status update?' Kent asked over the phone. 

Maura let out a small sigh, 'actually Kent, I was wondering how you feel about the role.' 

Kent sat quietly for a moment, a sure sign the scott was thinking, 'I am enjoying it Dr. Isles. It's certainly a challenge and I am confident that I still have much to learn but I feel like I have been able to acclimate and even improve your existing systems.' 

Maura nodded along. She had confidence in Kent. She needed Kent to have confidence in himself before she pitched her idea to the governor. 'How would you feel about assuming the responsibility on a more permanent basis?' 

'Do you not plan to return from Paris, Dr. Isles?' Kent asked softly. 

Maura let out a soft sigh, 'I do, for a time. But I have realised that there are other avenues I want to pursue in my professional career. I also believe that you would be a wonderful Chief Medical Examiner.' 

Kent hesitated, 'I will be sad to see you go, Maura.' 

Maura smiled, 'so may I present your name as a more than adequate replacement for the governor?' 

'I would be honored,' Kent replied. Maura could hear a lab tech speaking in the background. 

'I'll let you go then Kent. Thank you for your time.' Maura said before the scott could say anything more. 

'Anything for you Maura.' Kent replied softly before hanging up. Maura smiled sadly at her phone. Kent was a good friend. She was excited for him to progress in his career but she would miss working with the quirky scott. 

Maura took a steadying breath and then dialed the governor. 'Dr. Maura Isles for Governor Baker please.' 

* * *

Jane had finished setting the table and was pouring Maura's wine when the doctor emerged from the balcony. Jane hadn't wanted to interrupt what looked like an important phone call. 

'Everything okay Maur?' Jane asked with a sympathetic smile for her friend. 

Maura smiled a tired smile, 'it is Jane. I've just finished a call with the governor formally tendering my resignation as Chief Medical Examiner and recommending Dr. Kent Drake as my replacement.' 

Jane stared at Maura, wide eyed 'Are you serious Maura?' Maura nodded, took her seat, sipped her wine and let Jane process.

'But why Maura? You're the most incredible medical examiner ever.' Jane took her seat across from Maura. 

Maura smiled, 'thank you Jane but being here in Paris I've realised, my heart isn't in it without you there.'

Jane's face scrunched in displeasure, 'Maur I didn't mean to upset your world, I just...' Jane trailed off, emotion thick in her voice.

Maura reached out a hand and grabbed Jane's. Maura rubbed Jane's knuckles with her thumbs. 'You didn't Jane.' Maura smiled kindly at Jane. 'You felt burnt out and so did I. Jane we've been through so much together. It's changed us. Scarred us. I'm ready to be in safer waters too Jane.' 

Jane took a stuttering breath, 'I didn't... I never meant for you to get caught up in it.' 

Maura squeezed Jane's hand, 'it's not your fault Jane. None of it's your fault. But being here in Paris? Knowing you're going to be safer at Quantico? It made me realize that I'm ready too.' 

Jane nodded, looking away from Maura to discreetly wipe her tears. 'So what will you do?' 

Maura hummed and sipped her wine, 'I suppose that depends on you.' 

Jane quirked her head side ways, 'how so?' 

'How would you feel about my moving to Virginia?' Maura asked, not quite able to look at Jane. 

'Yes!' Jane said in a squeak. 'Yes, yes, yes!' 

Maura broke out in a grin, 'well, then I suppose the first order of business is moving.' 


	3. Chapter 3

Jane took a deep steadying breath, watching as young fresh eyed recruits for the Federal Bureau of Investigations filed in to her classroom. Jane felt a buzz in her body. It took Jane a moment to realize she was excited, ready for a new challenge. It wasn't the adrenaline rush of chasing down bad guys but it still thrilled Jane. A look around the room told her that her recruits were a predictable mix of excited and nervous, all of them looked tired with dark circles under their eyes. Jane made a mental note to ask about the recruit's schedule. Jane took a deep breath and began her first lesson as an instructor. 

* * *

Maura sat at her island counter, scrolling through houses in Virginia. She had a growing list of houses to send to Jane. If they agreed on any, then Maura would speak with her realtor. Maura took it for granted that she and Jane would live together. It simply made the most sense. Maura would be back and forth between Quantico and Boston. Living with Jane meant that Maura didn't have to ask her to house sit every time she left. Besides they would just end up staying over with one another all the time anyways. As for her Boston house, Maura hoped Angela wouldn't mind taking care of the house. She didn't really want to sell her home in Boston and it gave both her and Jane a familiar place to call home when they returned to Boston. 

Angela breezed through the back door. 'Good morning Maura!' Angela spoke cheerily. 

'Good morning Angela! How are you doing today?' Maura replied, closing her laptop to focus on the woman she considered with motherly affection. 

'I'm doing just fine honey,' Angela said, busying herself over the teapot. 'What do you have going on today? When do you begin work again?' 

Maura took a deep breath, 'actually I wanted to talk to you about that.' 

Angela turned to face her, two steaming cups of tea. She placed one before Maura and sipped quietly on the other. 'Go on,' Angela said. 

'I,' Maura took a steadying breath, 'I resigned from being the chief medical examiner.' 

'Maura! You did not!' Angela exclaimed. Maura couldn't quite read Angela's emotions. 

'I did,' Maura confirmed. 'I've decided to move to Virginia, at least on a part time basis.' 

'Oh,' Angela said. Maura could see tears in her eyes, 'I see.' 

Maura wanted to hug the older woman, wanted to make her understand. 'I couldn't do what I do without Jane, Angela. We're partners. Where she goes...'

'You go,' Angela supplied softly. 'I get it. Will you become an FBI instructor too?' 

Maura shook her head, 'I'm not certain. For now I am concentrating on my book. There's also a MEND clinic that I can volunteer in. Hope wants me to consider taking on a more full time role in the clinics and it is a proposition I am considering.' 

Angela wiped angrily at her tear. 'So both of my girls will be safe and far from me, isn't that just something.' 

Maura stood and swept Angela in a hug. She held the older woman close, 'we will be safe but Angela we could never be far from you. You're Jane's mother. And I think of you as one of mine as well.' 

Angela hugged her back for a few moments before pulling away. 'So what will do with this house,' Angela gestured broadly to the room around them, 'I hate to think of you selling it.' 

Maura smiled, 'I was hoping you would agree to be it's caretaker. Jane and I will need a Boston residence and if you agree then it would help me out a lot.' 

Angela smiled, 'of course I will!' 

'I will have to stop charging you rent though,' Maura warned, 'after all you are providing me a service.' 

Angela laughed, 'of course you will!' 

* * *

'How did it go Maur?' Jane asked, talking on the phone later that evening. 'How did Ma take it?' 

'She was sad,' Maura replied steadily, 'she feels as though she is losing both of us.'

Jane rolled her eyes, 'of course she does.' 

'I think asking her to watch the Boston house helped some though.' 

'Good. I saw you sent me a list of houses, did you want me to scope them out or something?' 

Maura blushed, 'actually, I was thinking we could look at them together.' 

'Sure Maura. When are you out here next?' Jane replied with a chuckle, 'I'm great at giving unsolicited advice!' 

Maura cleared her throat, 'well I was hoping that you would want to move in together. So it would be your home too.' Jane was silent. 'I just assumed since I would be back and forth, Angela could look after the Boston house and if we lived together then I wouldn't have to worry about the Virginia house every time I was away. And we spend so much time at each other's house anyways...' Maura trailed off. 'Do you hate the idea?' 

'No Maura,' Jane spoke softly. 'I guess I'm just processing how the finances will work but I like the idea. It does make sense.' 

Maura smiled, 'good. We can fingure out the finances later. You know I have more than enough money to afford a second house. Just tell me if you like any of the houses I sent you. I'll be out next weekend and we can go view some of them.' 

'I know you have the finances Maura. But I don't want to be dead weight.' Jane replied. There was an edge to her voice. 

Maura paused, 'well what if I bought the house and you covered the other expenses? Insurance, utilities, etcetra?' 

Maura could hear Jane thinking on the other end, until at last, 'that could work.' There was a moment of quiet between them. Jane spoke again, in a tone that Maura had come to know as her teasing tone. 'Do any of those houses you sent me have an indoor pool or like a slide instead of stairs? Cause that would be awesome.' 

Maura laughed, 'no Jane. They are all perfectly normal houses.' 

'You're no fun,' Jane replied. Maura laughed again. 'Maybe I don't want to live with you after all. You're like the no fun zone.' 

'You're going to live with me and you're going to love it!' Maura replied with a laugh. 

'Yeah,' Jane said sounding sleepy, 'I probably will.' 

'Good night Jane, see you next weekend.' 

'Night Maur. Can't wait to see you.' 

'Me too.' 


	4. Chapter 4

Jane glared at the small cluster of men sitting on the curb in front of her and Maura's house. Movers. Jane couldn't believe Maura hired movers. Jane wasn't some wealthy bum who couldn't lift her own boxes. Jane lifted a box with a grunt of effort and walked towards the house. 

Inside Maura was sitting on the couch, sorting through boxes of photos. Jane set the box by the door and then flopped on the cushion next to her. 'Come on Maur. You have to help me.' 

Maura glanced at the darker haired woman, then glanced at the box she had dropped. 'Jane, I have helped you move mattresses, couches, and boxes over the course of our friendship and do you know what happens every time?' Jane shook her head, her wild hair whipping about her face. 'One or both of us ends up sore the next day from over taxation.' 

'Yeah but Maura that's part of the moving charm.' Jane replied a slight whine in her voice. 

'No. I am not going to do it again.' Maura replied steadily ignoring Jane's unspoken question. 

'But I have so much stuff. How does a person even accumulate so much crap after their apartment burns down?' Jane whined. 

'Which is why I have hired movers. To move all of your stuff for you.' 

'Movers are for rich people,' Jane whined. 

'I am a rich person,' Maura replied steadily, 'and I hired those movers for the day not by the box. Whether they get paid to move your stuff or paid to sit on the curb is up to you.' Maura went back to sorting her photos. Jane chewed thoughtfully on her lip. 

'Do I have to tip them for doing something I could do?' Jane asked.

Maura smiled, knowing she had won, 'no Jane. Gratuity was included but you might consider thanking them after being so grumpy about it.' 

Jane stood and walked away grumbling. She returned in a moment, leaving the door open as the men filed in carrying furniture and boxes. Jane returned to her seat and turned on the TV, flipping until she found the sports channel. 'I could get used to rich people moving.' Maura laughed and Jane smiled, happy to feel at home. 

* * *

The Monday after their move felt comfortable and familiar. Jane woke to the soft meditations of Maura's yoga. They worked together to make breakfast and coffee. Their actions quiet and complimentary, neither of them needing to say much to work in sync. It made Jane happy. The kitchen was different and in a rare moment of nostalgia Jane could admit she missed her mother's presence, dishing up gossip with a side of eggs. But Jane was happy. Happy that Maura had moved with her. Happy that this, at least, was a familiar routine. It gave Jane confidence that Quantico would work. 

'Jane,' Maura spoke, 'I was thinking.' 

'What's new about that?' Jane asked, the rebuttal automatic.

Maura chuckled. 'I was thinking that Bass is happy at the zoo. And that Jo Friday is happy to be with her original family.'

Jane nodded along, 'yeah I think so. Seems that way anyways.'

Maura nodded, 'I don't want to take Bass away from the zoo. The children love him and he's teaching them so much.' 

'Okay,' Jane said, not entirely sure where this conversation was going, 'then we'll just have to visit him often when we're back in Boston.' 

'Yes we will,' Maura smiled at the we in that statement, 'but I was thinking it could be kind of nice to have a pet here too.' 

Jane sat up a little straighter, studying Maura over her coffee cup. The blonde was feigning casualness but Jane could see the tension in her. Maura wanted this and Jane was inclined to give Maura what she wanted... after some teasing. 'Like another turtle Maur?' 

'Tortise,' Maura replied automatically, 'but I was thinking something more like a dog. You and Jo Friday got along well.' 

Jane _had_ loved Jo Friday but she had a reputation to maintain, 'Jo was the exception, not the rule.' 

Maura set her coffee cup down, sensing a weak point in Jane's argument. 'So don't you think you could find another exception? After all there are hundreds of dogs out there.' 

Jane sighed and pretended to think it over. 'I could be persuaded, on one condition.' 

'What's that?' Maura asked, her excitement bubbling over 

'We can't name this dog after some obscure scientist who moonlighted as a grave robber to learn about human anatomy or something.' 

'There are plenty of medical examiners who have been instrumental in the field while working with ethically sourced cadavers Jane,' Maura replied teasingly. 

'No.' Jane replied quickly, 'no morticians. No scientists. It has to be something cool. Like Babe Ruth or Dom DiMaggio.'

Maura laughed, 'you want to name a quadripedal animal after famous baseball players? Are you going to teach it to swing a bat too?' 

'Air Bud did it,' Jane muttered darkly. 

'Who?' Maura asked.

'Famous baseball playing dog,' Jane explained.

Maura raised an eyebrow at her. Jane just shrugged. 'Fine, no science names and no baseball names,' Maura replied evenly. 

'So like Spot or something bland?' Jane asked. 

'If it has spots, then maybe.' 

Jane smiled at the mental image of a spotless dog being called spot. 'What about sox?' 

'No baseball Jane.' Maura answered. 

'It has a double meaning Maura.' 

'No.' 

'But the pup could have socks,' Jane grinned, 'and it would totally fit.' 

'No.' Jane huffed, amused but pretending to be angry. 

'So you'll go with me to the shelter later today?' Maura asked, looking at Jane with wide eyes and a hopeful smile. 

Jane grinned, 'yeah, I will Maura. My last class is over at 4.' 

Maura bounced from her seat and kissed Jane's cheek, 'perfect! Have a great day at work Jane!' Maura disappeared up the stairs, likely headed for her office. Jane rinsed their cups and headed to work, smiling even through the morning traffic. Quantico was working out great. 


	5. Chapter 5

'I can't believe you talked me in to getting not one but two dogs Maura,' Jane complained as she struggled to open the door while holding several bags of dog supplies. 

'They were a bonded pair Jane, we couldn't separate them,' Maura retorted following Jane holding two leashes. 

Jane snorted as she dumped her pile of dog supplies on the couch. 'That was just a ploy by the shelter to get you to take them both. I bet they didn't even know each other before the shelter.' Jane cast a conspiratorial look at their new pups. 

'It was not!' Maura exclaimed!

Jane rolled her eyes, 'sure and they didn't talk you into a sizeable donation either.' 

Maura shook her head, 'I _wanted_ to make that donation Jane.'

'Uh-huh, sure you did,' Jane replied, kicking off her shoes and tossing her jacket on the chair. Jane flopped onto their couch. 

'I did!' Maura said, throwing a dog toy at Jane.

'Hey! Don't throw squeaky toys at me!' The pup at Jane's feet yipped. Jane smiled at her, 'see, she agrees!' 

Maura sat next to Jane, looking at their new pups 'they're cute.' 

The shelter hadn't known their exact breeds, some mix of shepard, retriever or labrador. The pup at Jane's feet was a strawberry red color. She had a pink nose and ears that folded nearly in half, with warm golden brown eyes. She sat between Jane's feet, tail wagging tentatively as she took in the room. The other pup was black with white tipped ears and white socks. She had a white patch on her chest. She was wondering the living room, sniffing every inch of space her nose could find. The rescue had said the pair had been found together huddled under a trash bin, in the pouring rain. The fact that the black one wouldn't settle down until she was kenneled with the red one made them 'bonded'. Privately, Jane admired that they looked out for each other. 

Maura, Jane and the red pup watched the black pup explore the room in silence. When the pup deemed her task as finished, she wandered over and rolled over at the red pup's feet. The red pup gave her a tentative sniff and then lay down beside her. 'So what are we going to name these young rascals Maur.' Jane nudged the black one with her foot, 'she's got socks.' Jane offered a grin. 

Maura laughed and shook her head. 'We could name her Hemera, she's the greek goddess of day and night.' 

Jane scrunched her face, 'no goddesses.' 

'I guess that rules out Nyx then.' 

'Wasn't she like terrifying and really, really bad?' Jane asked. Maura ignored her, pulling out her phone to take some photos of the snuggling pups. 'What about for her?' Jane nodded at the russet pup. 

Maura paused, looking at Jane with a rare softness. Jane knew that whatever Maura said, she'd go with it if she was making that face. 'I was thinking Berry,' Maura spoke with affection. 'She's such a beautiful red and it's close enough to honor him without making it uncomfortable.' 

Jane's eyes got wet and she nodded, gulping back a knot in her throat. 'Yeah, Berry sounds perfect.' Jane bent down to scratch Berry's ear. She let out a tiny puppy grunt that made Jane smile. 'Should we name her Susie or something? Chang?' 

Maura shook her head, 'it's a nice thought, but Susie was allergic to dogs. Maybe our next tortoise, she quite admired Bass.' Jane nodded, reaching over tentatively to take Maura's hand. They sat for a moment, thinking of their lost friends. Maura cleared her throat, 'maybe we should go with something food related.' 

'Oreo?'

Maura shook her head. 'Cream?'

Jane scrunched her nose and shook her head. 'Mozzerella?' 

Maura considered it for a moment and then shook her head. 'Pie?" 

'Berry and Pie?' They both shook their heads at the same time, making them both laugh. 

Jane grinned. 'I got it! Kale.' 

Maura laughed, 'Jane we can't name our dog after something you hate!' 

'Yeah but you love it so much you could marry it!' Jane retorted, her grin growing bigger. Maura smacked Jane's thigh, barely containing her own laughter. 'Or we could name her Quinoa!' Jane said between fits of laughter. Maura was laughing with her now. The pair were laughing hard enough that the pup in question lifted a sleepy head to stare up at this odd behavior. Berry snuggled closer in to the black pup, ignoring them outright. 

'Maybe we should name her after something you love like Lasagna or Gnocci.' Maura smiled back at Jane. 

Jane sat up excited, 'that's it! I got it!' Maura sat up expectantly. 'We'll name her Boston.' 

Maura thought it over. 'Boston and Berry,' she murmured to herself softly. 

'Yeah! It's got one of those same letter things and it's a way to honor our family and home, ya know?' Jane was talking herself up, getting excited over her idea. 

'I like it,' Maura declared with a smile. 'Berry and Boston, Boston and Berry. It's a good homage.' 

Jane smiled, bending down to give both dogs a pet, 'Welcome to the family Boston and Berry. We've got our fair share of nuts. Just wait until you meet my mom. But I think you'll like it. And, if not, I can always bribe you with lasagna.' 

* * *

Jane woke to the sound of soft yipping sounds at her door. Her alarm said 12:30am. Jane opened the door to find both Berry and Boston sitting expectantly at the door. 

'What's up ladies? Need to do your business?' Jane asked, rubbing her eyes. She walked the dogs down the stairs and to the back door. She took both dogs outside to do their business. When they were both content, Jane followed the pups up the stairs. Boston headed straight for Maura's open door. Jane smiled at that. Maura needed the excitement Boston could bring. Jane opened the door to her bedroom for Berry. Jane went back to bed, crawling under the covers. Berry gave the room a sniff before sitting on her haunches and yipping. 

Jane stared at the dog. 'What is it Ber? I just took you out.' 

Berry yipped again. This time, she sounded less patient. Jane sighed and threw the blankets off. When she reached Berry at the door, the red dog trotted out. Jane followed her down the hallway and in to Maura's room. 

In a whisper, Jane replied 'if you wanted to sleep with Boston you should have just followed her.' Jane turned to go back to her room but a pair of quiet yips stopped her. 

'What?' The dogs looked at her expectantly. Jane turned to leave and both dogs began yipping again. Jane whirled around to hush them but they stopped immediately. 

'Jane?' Maura's sleep heavy voice asked, 'do they need to be let out?' 

Jane grimaced, feeling guilty for having woken Maura. 'No, I let them out already. They just won't let me leave the room.' 

Maura stiffled a yawn, 'they're pack animals. They are probably worried that a predator will attack you if you sleep outside of the pack's den.' 

Jane couldn't help but smile. Sleepy google-mouth Maura. 'So you think they want us to sleep in the same room.' 

Maura didn't answer, just threw back the other side of the blankets. Jane climbed in, glancing at the pups who had both settled in to the same dog bed. Boston had closed her eyes and was on her way back to dreamland. Berry, however, watched Jane settle in to her place, only closing her eyes after Jane was settled. Berry had decided Jane needed someone to look after her. That was Jane's last happy thought as she drifted off to sleep in Maura's bed. 


	6. Chapter 6

Maura clicked the send button on her email, sending off what she hoped would be the final revisions on her book. Her editor had raved about her last draft, teeming with authentic details from her time in Paris. Maura hoped she would be able to publish before the holiday season. Boston's whining interrupted Maura's train of thought. Boston was every bit the rambunctious puppy and she was quick to let Maura know when she was bored. Berry, true to herself, lay patiently by Boston's side. Only Jane could convince Berry to leave Boston's side for any real length of time. Where Boston was over energetic and eager, Berry was quiet and polite. Where Boston was curious, Berry was cautious. Boston was always moving, always sniffing, never staying in one place long enough for pets or snuggles. Berry, however, soaked in all the love Jane and Maura had to give. Boston whined again. 

'Alright girls, let's go to the park ,' Maura said with a happy chuckle. Life in Quantico was quieter than Boston. Her mornings were spent writing or peer-reviewing, during lunch she would take the dogs to the dog park or for a run. Her afternoons she spent treating a slew of sniffles in the clinic. Most nights both she or Jane were home by dinner. Maura knew that Jane missed her family. She even suspected that Jane missed parts of the job but Maura knew she hadn't had a nightmare in weeks. She was happier. Calmer. And that made Maura happy. 

The dog park was a large fenced in park, with towering trees to provide shade and benches and trash cans spaced strategically throughout, though thankfully not near one another. It had taken much reinforcement but with nearly daily practice both dogs would sit and wait for Maura to open the gate and let them in. Berry would sniff the other dogs politely before wandering away to sniff at the fenceline. Boston would bounce, literally bounce, between dogs before taking off flat out, her tongue lolling as she cajoled the others in to chasing her. Berry returned often to Maura, seeking affection and encouragement. Boston had to be bribed in to taking water breaks. Only Berry could convince Boston to leave but they were working on that too. On the weekends, Jane would join them and Maura would laugh at how similar Boston and Jane's excitement levels were. 

Yes, Maura decided as they walked home from the park, she was quite happy in Quantico. Her ringtone for Jane interrupted her musings, 'Hello Jane.' 

'Hey Maura! How are my girls today?' Jane's voice was warm. 

'We're all doing well. Just walking home from the park.' 

'Thought I'd call and check in on my lunch break. Are you at the clinic this afternoon?' 

'Yes. The flu season is almost upon us. How did your student assessment go?' 

'Ah the scourge!' Jane replied, shifting her phone to her other ear as she spoke, 'for me? Fine. For the students? Not so hot.' 

Maura frowned, the notion of doing poorly on a test disturbed her, 'did they not know the material?' 

'No, but I think having all the answers be A might have thrown them,' Jane replied with a chuckle. 

'Jane!' Maura said, horrified, 'you didn't!' 

'Sure did. It's my job Maura. Suspects are going to try to lead them down certain paths, going to try to give them the answers, to mess with them. They have to be able to spot it and be able to stand on their own two feet, confident in their knowledge.' 

Maura stopped to consider this for a moment causing both dogs to look back at her, displeased with the interruption. 'You just made that up didn't you?' 

Jane laughed, 'yeah but it sounded good so I'm going with it. Expect the unexpected, you know? Anyways, I just wanted to let you know Agent Davies invited me to join him and some of the other instructors for a drink tonight so I probably won't be home for dinner.' 

'Agent Davies,' Maura asked her chest fluttering, 'is that still a thing? I haven't heard you talk about him since Boston?' The agent had been cute, polite, funny and Jane had truly seemed to like him. Maura did not but she tried her best to hide that fact. 

'Nah,' Jane said, 'but I figured I'm over due for the whole get to know your new colleagues deal and at least this way, there will be alcohol. You could join us if you wanted.' 

Maura let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. 'No, that's alright. Get to know your co-workers, have some fun. Let me know if you need a ride.'

'You sure?' Jane asked, 'It'd be more fun with you.' 

'Yes,' Maura said with a small smile, 'I have some reading to catch up on.' 

'Okay, well I'll see you later then!' 

Maura said her goodbye and finished her walk. She wasn't going to let Agent Davies get to her. She didn't even know the man. Why should he have the power to upset her day. Maura didn't notice that Berry and Boston stayed glued to her side until she left for the clinic. 

* * *

Jane took another swig from her beer. The get-to-know-you was fine but if Jane was honest, she wanted to go home. Maura had probably made better food than the dry but still greasy food she was currently bored-consuming. Her colleagues were nice enough but Jane felt out of sorts. The group had pre-established dynamics, inside jokes... it was a level of comfort that made Jane feel like an intruder. Agent Davies was polite enough, asking her questions and making conversation. Jane liked him. She just didn't _like_ him. He was handsome and funny and they'd had a good time the last time they had gone out but Jane really didn't see anything further. 

Her phone buzzed. Jane looked down to see a picture of their dogs looking sad and tired on the dog bed. _'They miss you!'_ the text said. 

Jane smiled and typed back, _'aw I miss you guys!'_

_'How's the get-to-know you?'_

_'It's fine. Weird. Makes me miss Korsack and Frankie.'_

_'Maybe we should plan a Boston trip. You have a long weekend coming up, right?'_

_'Yeah. Labor day. Let's do it!'_

_'I'll make the arrangements. Hopefully the girls don't get carsick.'_

Jane responded with the pukey face emoji before putting her phone down. Agent Davies turned to face her, 'so, Jane, how are you liking Quantico?'

Jane smiled and sipped her beer, 'it's been a nice change of pace.' 

Davies smiled back, 'good. I hope you aren't missing Boston too much.' 

'Maura and I were just talking about visiting on Labor day.' Jane replied. 

'I bet she would love to see you again. It's hard when your best friend moves away.' 

Jane gulped guiltily, 'uh actually, Maura moved with me.' 

Davies looked at her with a quizzical glance, 'she did?' 

Jane nodded, 'we're partners, you know. She didn't want to do the whole crime fighting thing without me.' 

'Partners?' Davies asked a little too evenly. 

'Yeah. Star detective, brilliant forensic scientist. Partners.' Jane said with a smile. 

Davies let out a forced chuckle, 'so she just moved with you?' 

Jane, picking up on his discomfort, nodded stiffly. 'I mean, she's not exactly lacking for job prospects and after our month in Paris together... she decided she wanted to move to Virginia.' 

'You spent your month off... in Paris... with Maura,' Davies asked, his eyebrows knit together. 

'Yes.' Jane replied, feeling herself get hot. 

'And then you moved in together?' 

'Yes.' 

'Huh,' Davies said taking a swirl of his drink, 'should have seen that one coming.' He smiled wryly at Jane and said, 'I wish you both all the happiness. Glad you have a partner.' He walked away then, leaving Jane feeling confused. 

Jane opened her phone and sent off a text, _'Can you come get me. I'm ready to leave now.'_

Jane didn't have to open her phone to know what Maura's response was. She was on her way. 

Maura pulled up to the front of the bar with two over eager pups whinning excitedly in the back. When they spotted Jane they both began yipping happily. Jane greeted the dogs first. Maura smiled when Jane climbed in, 'everything okay?' 

Jane nodded and then spoke, 'all of our coworkers think we're in a committed relationship now.' 

Maura turned her head sideways, 'we are in a committed relationship Jane.' 

Jane stared at Maura, her eyes wide, 'we are?' 

'Certainly,' Maura replied steadily, 'we own a house and two dogs together. I'm not sure it gets much more committed.' 

'I didn't know...' Jane murmurred softly, more to herself than to Maura. 'I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that.' 

'Oh,' Maura said disappointed, 'well of course I want you to be comfortable, so whatever you need.' 

'Can we go home now?' Jane asked, her head throbbing. 

Maura frowned but nodded. The drive home was quiet. The pair went about their nightly routines in silence. In fact, the only sound made that night was Berry's barking at Jane until she came to Maura's bed. Jane climbed in to her side of the bed and fell asleep quickly. Maura lay awake, wondering how to make Jane feel comfortable. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor clueless hoomans.


	7. Chapter 7

Maura did not sleep well. Jane was her best friend and while the rules of friendship had always been some what elusive, Maura felt that she and Jane navigated them well. Maura and Jane had not had many fights but on the few occasions it had happened, Maura had been miserable. Maura's life was better with Jane in it. Maura's life was better when Jane was happy. So Maura was committed to keeping it that way. She had thought that Jane had shared that committment. That their friendship was really more of a family-ship. Maura had been surprised that Jane did not in fact view them in this light. That Jane felt uncomfortable with their committment had caused Maura a deep sense of consternation. Maura had not slept well and only the threat of the dogs barking at her for leaving what they considered their 'den' kept Maura in bed at all.

The first hints of morning light woke Maura. She slipped quietly from her covers and in to the master bathroom to shower. There were few problems that hot water could not fix. Maura let the water rain down over her, loosing her thoughts in the process. Maura _was_ committed. Maura also knew Jane and committment were incompatible at best and polarizing at worst. Maura sighed. She didn't need Jane's committment. She had Jane's loyalty. If they could endure kidnappings, family holidays, serial killers, and a move together Maura was fairly certain they could survive this. What wasn't negotiable was Jane's comfort. Maura would do whatever Jane needed to feel comfortable in their relationship again. 

Feeling resolved, Maura finished her shower quickly, her heart already lighter. 

* * *

Jane woke to the soft sounds of Maura's morning routine. It was a comforting familiarity. Jane could tell the woman had finished her shower, applied a dubious amount of lotion, and was dressing for the day just by the sounds she made. 

Jane was confused. Maura had said they were in a relationship. A committed relationship. Jane wasn't sure when that happened. They'd both dated other people. Of course, Jane reasoned, monogamy wasn't necessarily a requirement for a relationship. That thought made Jane frown. She didn't like the idea of being in an open relationship. Sure, Jane wasn't the white picket fence housewife type but she was territorial. Maybe something had changed recently? Although that didn't feel right either. If Jane was honest, Maura was the best relationship she'd ever had by leaps and bounds. Jane could happily spend forever with Maura. Jane felt like forever with Maura had begun years ago.

Jane rolled over to stare at the pups. Boston was half on, half off the dog bed her head on the floor. The tip of her tongue stuck out and the whites of her eyes showed. Berry lay curled beside her, head on her paws. When she noticed Jane looking, she gave her tail a soft wag. Jane smiled back at the sweet dog. Jane had to admit she liked their life together. She loved her dogs. She loved Maura. She even loved Quantico, thanks largely, due to Maura. So what was Jane's problem? 

Jane pushed herself up in to a sitting position. The thing that bothered Jane was that she hadn't known. Maura knew. Maura seemed perfectly comfortable with their status. How could Jane have been in a relationship without knowing it? Jane supposed there was nothing more to do than to talk to Maura about it. 

Jane knocked on the doorway to the bathroom. Maura smiled at her in the mirror as she applied her make-up. 'Good morning Jane,' Maura spoke softly, 'come in.' 

Jane gulped and nodded. Things looked the same but Jane felt different. 'Can we talk about last night?' Maura nodded and put her make up down. Jane held up a hand, 'can you stay like that, in the mirror. It might be easier. I don't know if I can do this face to face.' 

Maura gave her a soft look, 'of course Jane. Are you okay?' 

Jane took a breath, rubbed at her eyes. 'I think so, I just don't know what's changed.' 

'Nothing has to change if you don't want it to,' Maura offered. 

Jane shook her head, 'I think some things need to change. We need to talk about stuff and do stuff about...' Jane trailed off. 

'About?' Maura prompted. 

'Us,' Jane offered, 'about us being in a committed relationship. I don't know what to do.' 

'What to do about us?' Maura asked, eye brows furrowed in concern. Trying to read Jane through a mirror in a half-lit doorway was proving difficult. 

'Yeah, you know. How to act, what to say.' Jane shrugged her shoulders. She had ideas, loads of them but no clue how to start them. 

'You should say whatever you need to,' Maura spoke softly, 'you can always talk to me Jane.' 

Jane gave her a smile, 'yeah I can.' 

'And you should act however your comfortable. Do what feels natural.' 

'Do what feels natural,' Jane repeats softly. Jane takes a few steps towards Maura. She wraps her arms around Maura's waist and snuggles in to the blonde's back. Jane speaks softly, voice muffled by Maura's own body, 'is this okay?' 

Maura couldn't help the warm smile that took over, 'absolutely!' She covered Jane's arms with her own and held on. 

Jane took deep steadying breaths, surrounding herself with all things Maura. She pulled away just enough to murmur 'I'm really happy we're in a relationship.' 

'You are?' Maura asked tenatively. 

Jane nodded, 'I think it will take me time to be comfortable with everything, but yeah I am.' 

Maura rubbed Jane's arms, 'that's okay. Take your time, I'll be here.' 

Jane blinked back some tears and nuzzled back in to Maura's back, 'can I do this again tomorrow?' 

Maura smiled. They would definitely be alright. 'You can do this anytime Jane.' 


	8. Chapter 8

Jane hummed happily as she washed their breakfast dishes. Normally, Jane would run over the day's courses in her mind. Think through the exercises she wanted the recruits to practice or the things she wanted to test them on. It wasn't stressful, exactly. Especially coming from the position of Boston's most targeted homicide detective. It did not, however, inspire humming. No the humming was a new thing. A because of Maura thing. Jane's hum turned in to a smile as Maura wrapped her arms around her waist for a long hug while Jane washed. 

In the two weeks since their conversation, this had become one of their things. Jane would sneak in for a hug while Maura was applying make up. Maura would get one in when Jane did the dishes. Jane had tried to hug Maura once when cooking but after a burnt hand a long lecture about safe kitchen practices, Jane kept her cooking hugs short. It wasn't kissing. It wasn't sex. But it was sweet and comforting. Jane was still working up to the rest. Maura, from what Jane could see, was in no rush. They just were... together. 

Maura pulled away to Jane's dislike. 'Are you ready to go back to Boston tomorrow?' 

Jane shrugged, 'I think so.' 

Maura leaned on the counter beside her, drying the dishes she washed. 'Have you told Angela we're coming yet?' 

Jane studiously avoided the blonde's eyes. 

'Jane!' Maura snapped the towel playfully at her. 

'What?' Maur!' Jane exclaimed, flinching her thigh, 'everyone else knows, they've cleared their schedules for a dinner at Ma's.' 

Maura shook her head, 'and what about your mother? _She_ might have plans she needs to clear.' 

Jane shook her head, 'nah, Korsack took care of it.' 

'Jane we can't drive all the way back to Boston without telling your mother!' 

'Yes,' Jane huffed, 'but if we tell her then we will have to see her.' 

Maura laughed, 'yes but if we don't see her then we don't get to eat her lasagna or gnocchi.' 

'Touché,' Jane replied turning off the water. 'I will call her today, okay?' 

'You had better!' Maura said with a shake of her head. 'I don't understand why you're avoiding telling her.' 

Jane shrugged. She was more of a go-with-your-gut kind of gal and less of a introspective reasoning type. 'I don't know Maura but I'll tell her today.' 

Maura gave her a look that told Jane that Maura most definitely did not believe her. 

'I will!' Jane said defensively. A glance at the clock told Jane she needed to leave. Jane grabbed her keys and her coffee. As she passed Maura, Jane hesitated for a moment. In the last few weeks, moments like this had come up where Jane had a chance to show Maura how she feels. Maybe past Jane would have brushed past these moments but now? Now Jane tried to live by Maura's advice: do what feels natural. Jane pressed in to Maura's space and pressed a quick kiss to Maura's cheek. 'Have a good day Maura,' Jane murmurred, 'I'll call you later.' 

Jane didn't see Maura's hand fly to her cheek. Maura didn't see the happy little smile on Jane's face. 

* * *

Maura's afternoon in the clinic was proving to be a slow one. Maura was sitting in the staff lounge drinking tea and pretending to read a science article. She had the best of intentions. It was an interesting topic. She meant to read it but every time she started her mind re-routed her to Jane. The physical affection between them had risen a statistically significant amount. It was a quantifiable fact. What Maura couldn't figure out was why. They had an established baseline after years of friendship. Furthermore, neither she nor Jane were particularly prone to affection with others. Maura had hypothesized that after their most recent conversation around being committed friends, there would be a noticeable decrease in affection. Jane's avoidant tendencies in combination with her aversion to committment would tend to lend itself to this theory. And yet... Jane was huging her and returning her hugs for an extended length of time. Jane had also taken to holding her hands when they were on the couch or in the car.

Then there was the kiss this morning. Jane had kissed Maura on occasion. When illness or injury brought out the soft and terrified Jane. But this had been a regular moment. A beautiful show of affection placed in the mundane happenings of a Thursday morning. It had caught Maura off guard. Perhaps, Jane was more comfortable in their new dynamic than Maura gave her credit for. Whatever the reason, Maura had to admit it was a pleasant surprise. One she hoped would happen again. Perhaps she would even try it herself. 

'Excuse me, Dr. Isles?' Alyson, one of the nurses Maura worked with regularly poked her head into the lounge, 'Dr. Martin is on the phone for you.' 

'Thank you Alyson, I'll be right there.' 

Maura took the call in the shared office space the doctors shared when on call. 'Hello Hope, how are you doing?' 

'Maura! Hello! I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time.' Hope's warm voice spoke through the phone. 

'Not at all,' Maura replied, 'the clinic is having a slow afternoon. How are you doing?' 

'I'm doing well. I just wanted to confirm that you were still making the drive to Boston for the weekend.' Maura heard something that sounded like excitement in the older woman's voice. 

'Yes, Jane and I are leaving early tomorrow.' Maura replied, her own excitement growing. 'I'm excited to see you and to introduce you to the dogs.' 

'Excellent! So we're still on for breakfast on Saturday then?' Hope sounded somewhat nervous. 

'Of course Hope. I'm looking forward to seeing you.' 

'I am too Maura,' Hope spoke softly, tentatively. 

Maura let the space between them fall silent. She wasn't certain but it seemed as though Hope had more to say. 

'It...' Hope cleared her throat, 'it hasn't been the same without you here. And I know we haven't been in each other's lives for long. I just... thought that you should know that I've missed you.' 

Maura smiled, albeit sadly, 'I've missed you as well Hope. I was growing rather fond of your presence in my life.' 

'I...' Hope began, 'thank you... for saying that Maura. I am rather fond of you as well.' 

Maura felt the sting of tears. She cleared her throat quietly, 'well I will see you Saturday?' 

'Yes,' Hope replied, 'goodbye Maura. Drive safely.' 

'We will,' Maura replied, 'goodbye Hope.' 

* * *

'Don't pick up,' Jane muttered, 'don't pick up, don't pick up.' 

'Hi, you've reached Angela Rizzoli, I can't answer my phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep.' Jane let out a sigh of relief. 

'Ma! It's Jane. Just wanted to let you know that Maura and I are driving down to Boston tomorrow. So I'll uh see you soon. Okay. Love you! Bye!' Jane hung up the phone quickly, as though her mother might pick up at any moment. 

Ten minutes and three missed phone calls later, Jane got a text from Maura.

_'A voicemail Jane? Really?'_

Jane laughed. Of course her Ma had called Maura. Maura was family. 


	9. Chapter 9

'Maura!" Jane called up the stairs with over exaggerated patience, 'let's go!' 

Maura ignored Jane's interruption and focused on her shoes. Finding the right pair to go with her outfits was proving difficult and it was unlikely that Jane would permit her to bring multiple boxes of shoes. Maura considered a pair of black suede flats. None of her outfits had black as a base. She put the shoes back in her closet. 'One down, seven to go,' Maura spoke quietly to Boston. Boston for her part flopped at Maura's feet looking for belly rubs. 

'Seriously Maura!' Jane called from the bottom of the stairs. 'If you aren't in the car in five minutes, I'm leaving without you!' 

Maura shook her head. Jane looked at a pair of nude heels. She didn't necessarily _need_ to wear heels on this trip but they were so cute. Maura sighed and set those aside too. Perhaps it was the small piece of Jane inside her but she decided to opt for comfort over looks. 

'Maura!' Jane whined at the door behind her. 'You still aren't packed?' 

Maura gave Jane what she hoped was a winning smile, 'that's not true. I'm just finishing up.' 

Jane huffed, reaching down a hand to scratch Berry's ears. 'Maura you have a whole other closet in Boston! You could literally bring nothing and still be fine.'

Maura considered this for a moment, 'I do have those new Blahniks.' 

'Yeah, the new blah-blahs,' Jane closed her suitcase, 'and some of those Lou Buttons. So everything will be fine.' 

'Blahniks and Louboutins,' Maura said following Jane out of the bedroom and down the stairs. 

'Exactly,' Jane replied, 'so all you need is whatever you want to wear in the car. Boston, Berry, let's load up!' 

Maura opened the door and let Jane and the dogs race to the car. Maura did a final walk through of the house, ensuring lights were unplugged and windows and doors were locked. She locked the front door and walked to the car. Eight hours was a long drive but Maura didn't mind as long as Jane was there. 

Jane closed the trunk and climbed into the drivers seat. She grinned at Maura, 'roadtrip time!' 

* * *

Jane stretched at a gas stop outside of Boston's city limits. They had made decent time, at least, they had made decent time when Jane was driving. They would make it to Beacon Hill in time for dinner. Jane shook out her limbs and considered her family. She had missed them greatly. Talking to them on the phone just wasn't the same as seeing them. She knew TJ had lost a front tooth but it wasn't the same not being there to help him slam the door to take it out. She knew Frankie and Nina were mid-wedding planning but actually she was okay with not being roped in to help with that one. Korsack sounded happy with his life as a bar owner and Kiki sounded even happier to have him home for most days. Then there was Ma. Jane worried the most about her mother. Her mother who tried so hard to protect her kid from the bad things in life. Jane couldn't be there to see that her mother was okay. 

Maura spotted Jane from inside the store, frowning. Maura paid for her purchases quickly and walked to Jane's side. She slipped her bag in to the front seat and walked to Jane's side. She slipped a hand casually around Jane's waist, pulling her in for a side hug. 'A dollar for your thoughts?' 

'It's a penny for your thoughts Maura,' Jane replied leaning in to the hug. 

'I know,' Maura said with a smile, 'but I'd pay far more than a penny to hear your thoughts.' 

That made Jane chuckle. 'You're going to inflate the market.' Maura shrugged and waited for Jane to speak. 'I'm excited to see everyone but... I feel like I missed so much. And it worries me.' 

'What worries you?' 

'I worry about all of them. Is Tommy staying out of trouble? Is Frankie being smart in the field? Is Korsack happy in his retiree world?' Jane chewed thoughtfully on her lip. 'Is Ma okay?' 

Maura held Jane a little closer, 'that makes sense Jane.' 

'Do you think we made a mistake moving?' 

Maura considered this. Maura worried about their people sometimes too. Wondered if Cailin was doing well in her classes. Wondered if Hope was doing okay knowing she had help lock up the love of her life. Wondered if Kent was managing the political aspects of the job alright. But then Maura thought about Jane. Jane who had struggled with nightmares and PTSD for almost as long as Maura had known her in Boston, who now slept peacefully most nights. Jane who used to sleep on her couch in a bullet proof vest, gun in hand who hadn't donned a vest in ages and only fired her weapon at the range. 'No, we didn't.' Maura replied evenly. 'It was a hard decision but I love my work at the clinic. I love having time to write.' Maura hesitated, 'I love knowing we are both safe.' 

Jane sighed, her shoulders sagging. 'I love knowing that too. No crazy gunmen, no delusional kidnappers or deadly dates. And I love my work with the recruits. Knowing I'm helping them to become good agents, helping them to value the work of police officers. I know it's critically important work. But I feel... guilty?' 

'For leaving?' Maura asked. Jane hummed non-committally. 'I do too, sometimes.' 

'You do?' 

Maura nodded, 'and then I remind myself that all those people want what is best for us. They want us safe and happy and that helps.' 

'Yeah, they do,' Jane muttered. Lacking anything else to say, Maura pressed in on her tippy toes and placed a gentle lingering kiss on Jane's cheek. Jane closed her eyes and savored the moment. When Maura pulled away Jane took a deep breath, steeling herself. 'What should we tell them about us?' 

'About our lives together?' Maura asked clarifying. 

'Yeah,' Jane asked. She wasn't sure she was ready for some big coming out conversation. 

'I was planning on telling them about my clinic work and about my publication date. And of course, about our girls. I imagine they'll want to know about your recruits, your work.' 

Jane nodded, 'you know Ma's going to ask about Davies.' 

Maura tried not to tense up, she tried to feign a casual shrug. 'She will.' 

'What do I say about him?' 

'The truth?' Maura ventured, 'that it simply didn't work in Virginia.' 

'I can hear her already,' Jane rolled her eyes and mimicked her mother's tone 'oh Janie, why do you have to chase all the nice men away? Why do you have to be so intimidating and picky? Why can't you just choose one and start making me grandbabies already?' 

Maura chuckled at Jane's words, 'she would hardly be so crude.' 

Jane smiled, 'maybe not but the point is the same. She wants me settled, married, and reproducing.' 

'She wants you to be happy,' Maura chided softly. 

'She wants me to be her kind of happy,' Jane rebutted, 'like I can't be happy with you and our dogs if there isn't a man and babies involved.' 

Maura blushed, 'so tell her we're happy together.' 

'Yeah?' Jane asked, glancing at Maura from the side of her eyes, ' _we_ are happy together?' 

Maura smiled affectionately at Jane, 'yes, Jane, _we_ are happy.' 

'And we don't need no stinking men?' 

Maura laughed, 'exactly.' 

Jane considered this for a moment then shook her head. 'Keep in mind this woman tried to set me up with _Giovanni_ to get some grandbabies. Telling her we're happy and here's your grand-pups isn't going to be enough.' 

'They would have been remarkably beautiful babies,' Maura said with a giggle. 

Jane chuckled, 'with the intelligence levels of a chimpanzee.' 

'Chimpanzee's are actually quite intelligent. Obviously, measuring intelligence is incredibly hard. Some even question if humans are smart enough to evaluate intelligence in others but by most accounts chimpanzees rival the intelligence of most young children. So that was actually an accurate assessment.' Maura said with a grin. 

'Alright,' Jane rolled her eyes again, 'how about with the intelligence levels of a rock.' 

Maura laughed, 'dumb as a rock?' 

'That's Giovanni.' They both chuckled. Jane finished pumping the gas, extracting the hose from the car. They took their seats, Maura driving and Jane snacking. 

'I think,' Maura began, 'you should just tell your mother what you want out of your life.'

Jane wrinkled her nose, 'but I have what I want.' 

Maura smiled, pleased that Jane felt the same way she did, 'so tell her that too.' 

Jane didn't reply. Instead she took Maura's hand in her own. Angela might never understand Jane's happiness but Jane knew she'd recognize it when she saw it. 


	10. Chapter 10

Jane opened the door for the pups, letting them bound from the car to sniff and mark the yard of their Boston home. Maura had gathered the mail and was unlocking the front door. Jane grabbed their suit cases and followed Maura inside. 

Jane dropped her bags by the door and whistled for the dogs to join them. Boston came at a run, excited to explore. Berry followed but with her tail tucked. When she reached Jane, Berry sat on her haunches and whined. A look around told Jane that not much had changed. The house was quiet, clean. Every inch of it was beautifully decorated. For years, this house had been Jane's safe place. Not even Alice Sands her super obssessed would be assassin had ruined it completely. Berry whined again and Jane bent down to scratch her ears, 'it's okay girl.' 

Jane had to agree. Something was off, wrong. The hair on the back of Jane's neck stood up. 'Was the alarm on?' Jane asked trying to be calm. 

'Mmmhmmm,' Maura replied flipping through her mail. 

'And the door was locked?' Jane asked tugging softly at Berry's ear as she evaluated the room. 

'Yes, Jane, the door was locked,' Maura looked up now. 'What is it?' 

Jane shook her head, 'dunno. When was Ma here last?' 

Maura set her mail down and took a glance around. There were fresh flowers on her island and her dishwasher light was on, telling her that Angela had in all likelihood stocked the fridge with delicious dishes. 'This morning perhaps?' Maura offered, pointing at the flowers. Jane nodded, still petting Berry. 'Boston would have let us know if there was some one in here Jane.' Boston's tail wagged as she sniffed around Maura's couch. 

'Probably,' Jane replied. 'I'm going to look around anyways.' 

Maura nodded, silencing a sigh. Maura didn't like the sudden hypervigilance she saw in Jane but she let the dark haired woman go. Hopefully she would relax after she checked things out. Maura watched Jane walk up the stairs, both dogs hot on her heels. After a few minutes, Jane returned, her expression puzzled. 'Did you find anything?' 

Jane shook her head, 'no. I just can't help but feel like something is wrong though.' 

Maura walked around the island to meet Jane. She held open her arms and was pleasantly surprised when the other woman embraced her. Maura rubbed Jane's back with soft slow circles. Jane nuzzled in to Maura's neck and took a deep breath. They stayed that way for a few moments before Jane pulled back with a slight blush. 

'I think I figured it out,' Jane spoke shyly.

'Really?' Maura asked skeptical, 'what is it?' 

'The house smells wrong.' 

Maura laughed, 'what do you mean? Like your mother has been spraying the wrong febreeze?' 

Jane shook her head, 'no. It just doesn't smell like you.' 

'Oh,' Maura replied softly. 'That makes sense. Our olfactory sense is a powerful trigger for memories. It would make sense that you would notice the difference in the house without my particular pheromones and perfume here. You would be particularly attuned to my scent as we've spent so much time together lately.' 

Jane wrinkled her nose, 'you make me sound like a dog.' 

Maura giggled, 'well I'm sure the girls wouldn't mind that, though they probably can still detect the lingering traces of both of our scents as well as a hundred other scents we cannot even begin to fathom.' 

'Well, yeah Maur,' Jane smirked, 'they have bigger noses!' 

'The size of the nose actually doesn't directly correlate-' Jane put a finger on Maura's lips to silence her. 

'Don't say size doesn't matter Maur, I won't be able to take anything else you say seriously.' 

Maura's whole body tingled from that point of contact. Her cheeks grew warm and her heart began to beat loudly. When Jane pulled her hand away, Maura felt cold to the touch. It was fascinating and baffling response. 'I could roll around on all the furniture, try to spread my scent, if you like,' Maura heard herself say faintly, as though she was far away. 

Jane laughed at that, 'would you? Thanks ever so much.' 

Maura laughed, 'no but I could give you another hug.' Later, when Maura's whole body wasn't humming, she would have to question why she had the sudden urge to be as close as possible to Jane. But for the moment, she just did what felt natural and leaned in to another hug with Jane. 

* * *

Angela burst through the kitchen door in to Maura's home as soon as she got off work. She didn't even take the time to drop off her purse or change her alcohol and grease stained clothes. 'Girls?' Angela called. 

The first answer came in the form of two barking dogs and the pounding thunder of feet on the storm. Berry and Boston were gorgeous but Angela only had eyes for her eldest child as she came bounding down the stairs two at a time. 'Boston, Berry hush!' Jane said, side stepping the dogs and wrapping her mother in a much over do hug! 

Angela squeezed back. Jane rarely initiated physical affection with her but Angela would squeeze every ounce out of it she could get. When Jane pulled away, Angela gave her eldest a once over. She was still long and thin, though Angela could see she was less tense. Her hair was as wild ever. But Jane's eyes, her warm brown eyes, were free from dark circles and darker shadows. It did Angela's heart good to see her eldest. Angela smiled warmly at her daughter and then smacked her upper arm. 'Jane Clementine Rizzoli, you do not tell your mother, who birthed you and raised you, over a voicemail that you are coming to visit tomorrow!' Jane flinched away from her mother's swatting fingers. 

Maura chuckled behind Jane. 'I told her to call you earlier Angela!' Maura stepped forward and pulled Angela in to a hug. 

'My girls!' Angela said with a happy smile as she squeezed Maura back, 'home at last!' 

'Sorry Ma,' Jane said, looking appropriately guilty. 

'Well, you should be!' Angela replied with a chuckle. 

'I know you just got off work Angela,' Maura began, 'but we were hoping you would join us for dinner out, my treat.' 

'Of course!' Angela replied happily, 'just let me change! I can't wait to hear about Virginia, and these two beautiful girls,' Angela pet the dogs heads for emphasis, 'and the FBI, and about your book Maura. And Jane you can tell me how things are going with Agent Davies. Just give me twenty minutes!' Angela hurried from the house, eager to get ready. 

Jane gave Maura a look that said 'I told you so!' 

Maura gave her a wry smile in return that somehow conveyed, 'I know but it will be okay.' Dinner was going to be interesting. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Miscarriage discussion/shame/blame. Just so you know.

Jane let Maura take the lead on updating Angela about their life in Virginia while she drove. Angela had insisted on sitting in the back and if she noticed Jane and Maura holding hands she didn't comment on it. Jane didn't really think twice about the action. Maura steadied her, wordlessly reassuring Jane. Angela had plenty of questions about the clinic and Maura's writing. Enough to last them through the appetizers. 

'So Janie,' Angela said directing her attention to Jane after the waiter took their dinner order, 'tell me about Angent Davies! Have you seen him again?' 

Jane tried not to flinch, 'yes Ma. We work together, I see him almost every day.' 

Angela smiled, her face lighting up at the news, 'so when's the wedding?' 

'Ma!' Jane whined, 'never because we aren't dating. We're just co-workers.' Maura shifted closer to Jane, allowing her foot to settle beside Jane's. It was a subtle sign of support. 

Angela's face fell, 'Janie what happened? What'd you do?' 

Jane rolled her eyes, 'nothing Ma, we just weren't compatible okay?' 

'I don't understand how this always happens Janie,' Angela exclaimed in an angry whisper, 'you find a nice man and then you chase them off. You aren't getting any younger, you know.' 

Jane sighed wearily, 'I didn't chase him off Ma, I just wasn't interested.' 

'Why?' Angela demanded her words getting louder, 'why are you never interested in the nice men you meet? First you weren't interested in moving with Charles and now you aren't interested in being with Agent Davies. Why won't you let someone love you, take care of you?' 

Jane blinked, taken aback. 'I do,' Jane replied shocked, 'Maura takes care of me.' Jane missed the pleased smile on Maura's lips.

'That's fine for now Jane,' Angela replied hotly, 'but one day Maura is going to meet a man of her own and who will take care of you then?' 

That thought pierced Jane to the core. Jane loved what she and Maura had. Maura called them committed but that doesn't mean the same as permanent. She looked at Maura. The other woman met her eyes. 'I'll always be there for you Jane,' Maura replied softly, speaking only to Jane. 

'Of course you will honey,' Angela replied slightly softer, 'but Janie has to realize the two of you will want to start your own lives, your own families one day. This extended sleep over can't last forever.' 

Maura shook her head, obviously disagreeing with the older woman. Jane replied for them, 'Ma we aren't sleeping over. We're family. Maura is family. She's... forever.' Jane smiled at Maura. It felt good acknowledging it. That they had a home, pets to care for, a life together for forever. 

'Of course Maura is family,' Angela replied, dismissing the weight of the words Jane spoke, 'but what about children Jane? I want grandbabies. From _both_ of you. You had a chance to be a mother Janie, you would have been a good one, I just know it. If you had just set your job aside, thought about your own safety for once.' 

Jane felt sucker punched. Tears sprang to her eyes, her throat got tight. Jane took a few strangled breaths. She knew her mother had wanted a grandbaby. Knew that her mother blamed her for the miscarriage. Jane just never expected her to be so explicit about it. Maura was beside her before Jane had even processed what was wrong. 'That was too far Angela,' Maura's voice was tight but controlled, 'I think you should go take a minute to calm down.' Jane didn't hear her mother's response but she heard her mother get up. 'Jane, sweetie, look at me.' Maura spoke with her doctor voice, soft but authoritative. 

Maura was kneeling beside her chair. She had both of Jane's hands in her own. When Jane met her eyes she smiled reassuringly. Jane took what felt like her first breath in the last few minutes. 'That's good Jane,' Maura said rubbing her hands, 'keep breathing.' Jane pulled in another few breaths and managed to shove back on the emotions threatening to swamp her. When she had calmed down by some measure, Maura asked, 'do you want to go? We can go right now, I'll order your mother a car.' 

Jane considered it. Considered leaving her mother with the awful weight of her words, embarassed and alone in the restaurant. Considered letting Maura swoop her away. It was tempting. _Very_ tempting. Jane shook her head, 'I want to but I'm pretty hungry Maura.' Jane smiled weakly. 

Maura chuckled, 'okay Jane. We'll stay and eat.' 

'Can we get dessert first?' Jane asked, half hoping. 

Maura considered her a moment. 'I think,' she began, 'a chocolate lava cake with ice cream on top is just what the doctor ordered.' Jane wasn't sure how she did it but in mere moments Maura had a waiter at their side and was ordering just that. 

'I suppose I should go check on Ma,' Jane replied not bothering to move. 

Maura shook her head, 'let me Jane. You stay here, wait for your chocolate.' 

Jane nodded, giving Maura a grateful smile. She was already feeling better, the tattered pieces of her feelings being strung back together again. Maura had a way of making Jane feel whole again. Even more than chocolate cake did. 

* * *

Maura went off to find Angela. She found her crying in the bathroom. Maura wasn't sure what to expect from the older woman. Anger, perhaps, or embarassment. Maura wasn't prepared for tears. 'Angela?' Maura tried to be firm but her heart wasn't in it.

'I don't know why I said those awful things!' Angela cried out, 'I just was so angry! She could have had it all. A baby, a husband, and she doesn't even acknowledge it.' 

Maura sighed, 'maybe she doesn't talk about it because it hurts too much Angela. Because it hurts us all. You lost a grandbaby, Jane lost a baby, I lost that baby too. That doesn't mean she doesn't feel it.' Maura crossed her arms, trying to reassure herself. 

Angela swiped at her eyes, 'why won't she let herself be happy? To be in a relationship? Do you think she blames herself for losing the baby?' 

'She is happy,' Maura replied, uncrossing her arms once more. 'We're both very happy in Virginia and if you would stop trying to define happiness for her you might just see that.' 

'Of course she's happy with you Maura, you're her best friend. That doesn't mean she wouldn't be happier if she were married or a mother. Parenting is one of the most beautiful gifts life can give.' 

'So you're worried she is not fulfilled?' Maura asked, trying to understand.

Angela had mostly stopped crying now, 'yes, I think so.' 

Maura took a breath, 'then you should ask her if she feels fulfilled in her life purpose but _only_ if you are willing to listen to her answer. Jane doesn't need a man or a baby to be fulfilled Angela and if she has found that fulfillment elsewhere, you have to be willing to hear her. Otherwise, you risk never knowing that side of Jane or worse losing her altogether. You have to be okay with the possibility that there will never be a man or grandchildren.' 

Angela considered her for a moment, when she spoke it was soft and without hope, 'I don't think I can.' 

Maura stood straighter then, her anger flaring, 'then at least have the common decency to not blame Jane for your deficiencies.' Maura left without another word, leaving Angela wondering if she had ever heard Maura speak so angrily to her before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The show wrapped up Jane's miscarriage with one comment about losing the baby and then never mentioned it again. I tried to tackle the subject in a realistic way that felt authentic to each of the characters while also addressing the messy business of grief.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Miscarriage processing

What Jane wouldn't give to have been a fly on the wall of the bathroom. Maura had come back first, her face rosy cheeked and her mouth set in a hard frown. She had smiled at Jane when she sat back down but Jane could see that she was seething. Jane hadn't seen her look so angry since that time she had shot Maura's biological father, Paddy Doyle. Angela had followed not long after. Jane expected her to be angry as well, her Ma could give just as much as she took. Instead she looked contrite. Miserable even. Jane's eyes flickered from woman to woman, reading a whole world of tension between them. Jane was saved from commenting by the arrival of their chocolate cake. It's a truth universally acknowledged that chocolate could salve even the worst wounds. Dinner was stilted but manageable. Angela regaled them with stories of wedding planning with Frankie and Nina, who often got called out for cases leaving Angela behind to explain to florists, caterers and bakers what had happened. Maura warmed up considerably after Angela told them a story of taking TJ to the zoo so they could see 'Auntie Maura's tortoise.' The drive home was quiet and when they pulled up at the house, Maura climbed out first. 

Angela hesitated for a moment before speaking to her eldest child, 'I'm sorry Jane. I said some things I shouldn't have back there. I don't blame you for losing the baby. You made a really difficult decision and you saved a young woman's life.' 

Jane shrugged, 'I get it Ma. You've always wanted marriage and grandbabies for me. I'm just not so sure what you want for me is what I want for me.' 

'But how will you know if you never give it a try Janie?' Angela asked. 

Jane sighed, 'let's just agree to disagree tonight Ma. I'm tired and I don't want to fight with you.' 

'Okay Janie,' Angela spoke. She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her daughters cheek, 'I love you. I'm really glad you're home.' 

Angela headed for the guest house. Jane watched her to make sure she made it in safely before heading in to the main house. 

Maura had already headed upstairs. Jane checked the locks again and headed up after her. In Maura's bedroom, Maura sat in the dark, on the floor, against her bed. Boston sat to one side of her, head quirking to one side. Berry sat on the other side, half of her body in Maura's lap. Maura pet Berry absentmindedly as she stared straight ahead at nothing. 

Jane nudged Boston to the side and sat down beside Maura. 'Was it bad?' Jane asked softly. 

Maura looked at her, Jane could see her eyes were red and watery. 'It has been so long since I fought with Angela. I forgot how awful it feels.' 

Jane sighed and took Maura's hand, 'it's hard to fight with people who love us and want the best for us.' 

'It is,' Maura murmurred in agreement. Boston settled beside Jane putting her head in Jane's lap. Jane gave her ears a scratch. 

'Do you want to talk about it?' Jane offered. 

Maura leaned her head back and offered a sad and tired kind of smile to Jane. One that said she was grateful for Jane even if things were hard. 'No. Not about Angela. At least, not right now.' Jane nodded and gave Maura's hand a squeeze. 'They would be 5 now. Just starting kindergarten.' Jane felt her heart thump faster. Her mouth went dry, her body went cold. 'I think about them all the time,' Maura continued. 'I wonder how our life would have been different. I think about what their room would look like or if they would like Boston or Berry. I see other little kids playing at the park and I think about what might have been.' 

Jane felt something inside of her break, 'me too.' The first of her tears fell quietly. 'I've always wondered what would have happened if I had just told Kavanaugh. If I hadn't been on active duty. I made that choice Maura. I hid my pregnancy. I don't blame Ma for blaming me.' In a smaller quieter voice Jane whispered, 'I blame me.' 

Maura leaned her head softly on Jane's shoulder. 'It wasn't your fault Jane. I don't blame you. I never blamed you. I was sad and so afraid to bring it up. I didn't want to hurt you any more than you already were but I didn't blame you.' 

Jane leaned her head against Maura's letting her tears fall freely. 'I don't know if I ever really thanked you for being there for me Maura. You were so willing to just jump in, to be my co-parent. I couldn't have done it on my own but you were right there with me. Willing to be that baby's other mother. I was so grateful.' 

Maura smiled, 'of course I was Jane. I was so excited to raise a baby with you. I thought it might fulfill my own nurturing desires.' 

Jane chuckled at that, 'I think you would have been a fantastic mother.' 

'I think you would have been a wonderful mother as well Jane.' 

'I know!' Jane retorted, 'I would have had that kid throwing the meanest left hook in their whole kindergarten class!' 

Maura laughed, 'and I would have them completely outfitted for a research lab already.' 

'Ew!' Jane replied, 'you'd have a five year old dissecting things?' 

'Well you would have them punching people!' Maura replied shoving at Jane's shoulder. 

'I take it back, we would have made horrible mothers. Our kid would be the wierdest.' Jane said with a nose scrunch. 'It makes me sad we never got to meet them.' 

'Me too,' Maura replied solemnly. The pair stayed that way for a while taking comfort in one another until the sadness passed or at least until their backs started complaining. 

* * *

Maura was gone before Jane woke the next morning, off to meet Hope for an early breakfast. Maura was sad her morning routine had lacked an extended hug from Jane. After her fight with Angela and her heavy conversation with Jane, Maura could have used a little comfort to help ground her this morning. She had settled for a tug of war match with Boston instead. Maura arrived at the cafe she was meeting Hope at first and settled in to a quiet corner to wait. Hope arrived shortly thereafter. She hurried to Maura only to pull up short before actually hugging her.

'Is it okay if I?' Hope made a hugging motion. Maura smiled and stepped in to the woman's embrace. 

'It's good to see you Hope,' Maura said, genuinely pleased to see her biological mother. 

'How have you been?' Hope asked, 'how's Virginia?' 

The conversation passed easily with five fewer awkward lulls between them than their last conversation. They were starting to forge their own path through their complicated relationship. Maura found that encouraging.

'Hope,' Maura asked softly, 'can I ask you a question? It may be unsettling.' 

'Oh dear,' Hope replied setting her tea down. 'You may certainly ask.' 

Maura shifted, trying to decide how to phrase what she was going to say. 'Last night, Jane and I,' Maura hesitated, 'we had a fight with Angela.' 

'I'm so sorry to hear that,' Hope replied. 

'She was... disappointed that Jane may never have children.' Maura sighed, 'she said some unkind things about Jane's miscarriage.' 

'Oh,' Hope murmurred, guessing where this might lead. 

'It was the first time Jane and I ever talked about it, about her miscarriage.' 

'That surprises me,' Hope replied, 'you and Jane seem to talk about everything.' 

Maura shifted in her seat, 'I think we were hurting too much to... I just... is this normal? This pain?' 

Hope sighed, 'I don't think there is a normal after losing a baby. Maura, you and Jane were going to raise a child together, that reality, those dreams... they don't just go away.' 

'But it has been five years,' Maura replied. 

Hope smiled sadly. 'I mourned you for decades. I still have moments when I wonder...' Hope trailed off, 'well let's just say that getting you back is the greatest gift of my life even when it has been complicated.' 

'Jane won't have that chance,' Maura replied sadly. 

'No,' Hope said sadly, 'and neither will you.' 

'So you just... hurt? Forever?' Maura felt tears threatening to fall. 

Hope took one of Maura's hands hesitantly in her own, 'yes. And you hold on a little tighter to the people who remain. You love them a little bit harder, a little bit more, because all that love you had for that sweet little baby has to go somewhere.' Maura nodded and focused on her breathing. Hope gave her time to collect herself. 'I take it Angela really would like Jane to have grandkids?' 

Maura let out a wry chuckle, 'Angela would very much like Jane to live the married with 2.5 kids American dream.' 

'And I take it that Jane doesn't want that?' 

Maura shook her head. 'Jane and I are perfectly happy with our careers and our dogs.' 

Hope raised her eyebrows at that, she had always wondered about the closeness of Jane and Maura's relationship. 'You're hapy together?' She asked, tenatively. 

'Of course we are!' Maura replied. 'Living together has been incredible.'

'Does Angela know you're happy together?' Hope asked, trying to keep her tone neutral. 

'I told her we're both happy in Virginia,' Maura replied. 

'Yes but does she know you make each other happy?' 

Maura frowned at Hope, 'I would think that was obvious.' 

Hope smiled at her, 'perhaps it should be. In any case, I'm pleased to hear that you are happy. That you are both happy.' 

Maura smiled back, 'will you and Cailin be joining us for family dinner tomorrow?' 

'We wouldn't miss it!' Hope replied. 'I can't wait to meet Boston and Berry and to see Jane, of course!' 

Maura took a sip of her tea, pleased that Hope was interested in knowing the important parts of Maura's life. Hope took her own sip, pleased to be getting to know her daughter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hefty stuff! Thanks for bearing with me through the angst. We will be back to your regularly programmed fluff soon. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and providing feedback!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Miscarriage processing.  
> Should be the last chapter with this warning and it's very light.

Excited barking met Maura at the door, a sight both familiar and comforting. 'Hello girls! Yes, hello!' She said as she got down on a knee to greet both pups. Boston was wiggling her whole body, leaping in and out of petting range in excitement. Berry stood patiently, accepting all the pets, her tail wagging heartily. 

Jane, hearing the commotion, followed the dogs to the front door with a big smile, 'Hey Maur! How did it go?' She offered Maura a hand up from the floor. 

Maura accepted the hand, 'it was wonderful seeing Hope again. I'm glad she and Cailin will both be joining us for supper tomorrow.' 

Jane was glad to hear that, she knew Hope and Maura were figuring out the dynamics of their relationship but Jane couldn't help feeling protective of Maura. 'That's good Maura!' 

'Has Angela been over?' Maura asked tentatively. She wasn't eager for another round with the elder woman but she hated fighting with her as well. 

Jane shook her head, 'nope, she's been quiet as a church mouse. She didn't even poke her head out when I took the girls for a walk.' Maura nodded, slipping off her shoes and hanging up her things. 'Do you wanna talk about it?' Jane asked watching Maura carefully, 'because I'm dying to know what you said.' 

Maura headed for the kitchen, all three of her girls following her. She needed to do something with her hands, anything really, if she was going to talk about this. 'I told her that you are happy, that a man and children might never be a part of your equation and that she needed to accept that.' Out of default, Maura began making coffee. She could always put the process on a timer for later. 

Jane grinned, 'and I take it Ma didn't like that too much.' 

Maura let out a heavy sigh, 'no, she didn't. She said she might never be able to accept that.' Maura felt the heat rise in her cheeks, she had been harsh with Angela. 

Jane, sensing an opportunity to tease, teased, 'and you...' 

Maura set the coffee grounds down heavier than she intended causing a small explosion of grounds on the counter top, 'I told her if she could not accept your answer then she could at least not blame you for her own shortcomings.' 

Jane gwaped, 'you didn't!' 

'It isn't funny Jane!' Maura said feeling embarrassed and frustrated. She swiped angrily at the grounds with a wet cloth. 

'Of course it is!' Jane retorted chuckling. 'You told my mother to shove it and lived! Just wait until Tommy and Frankie hear about this!' 

Maura threw the cloth in to the sink, 'you will tell them no such thing!' 

'Ma would have smacked any one of us on the head if we said something like that to her!' Jane continued, ignoring Maura's bristling. 'I think you might actually be her favorite.'

Maura whirled to face Jane, 'this isn't funny Jane. Your mother didn't hit me because she knows I'm right.' 

Jane stopped laughing and walked around the island to offer Maura a hug. For a moment, Jane thought Maura might resist and then she stepped in to the embrace and buried her face in Jane's shoulder. 'You usually are,' Jane murmurred softly. Jane placed a soft kiss on Maura's head. 'Ma loves you Maura, it might take her some time but you guys will get past this.' Maura nodded and sniffled, huddling in Jane's embrace. 'Sometimes we have to speak hard truths to the people we love. Like when I tell you that you spend too much time and money on shoes. That's not an easy conversation for me,' Jane said with exaggerated galantry, 'but I do it because I love you and it's the truth.' 

Maura chuckled and shoved Jane away from her, 'you're the worst!' 

Jane smiled, 'I know but you love me.' 

Maura stepped quickly in to Jane's space and wrapped her in a second hug. 'I do,' Maura replied, 'I think that's what makes me so angry with Angela. I know she loves you but I hate that she thinks her plan for your life is the best plan for your life. Why can't she just be happy that you're happy? Love isn't supposed to be conditional.' 

Jane returned the hug, 'I know but my Ma's ovaries have been screaming for grandbabies for as long as I've been alive. That's a hard dream to let die. Especially...' Jane trailed off. 

'After it came so close to coming true?' Maura offered. 

'Yeah.' Jane replied her voice breaking with emotion, 'it's just going to take time. Menopause will _probably_ help.' Maura chuckled at that. 'Thank you for being mad on my behalf,' Jane spoke seriously, 'but it's okay to let it go. I would never want to hurt your and Ma's relationship.' 

Maura nodded and pulled reluctantly away from Jane. She finished the process of making coffee, cleaning up after the process. Jane stayed near by, offering a hand when Maura needed it. Jane told Maura about her morning and Maura told Jane about her talk with Hope, the two never really straying from one another's orbit. Taking an unspoken comfort from one another. 

* * *

Angela slept poorly, her thoughts churning as she considered the evening before. She had certainly gone too far in blaming Jane for her miscarriage. Even if she believed it, believed that Jane could have and should have acted differently, it had been cruel to blame Jane. Angela felt guilty about that. She had apologised but it ate at her. Angela could understand Maura's anger with her for that. She was angry at herself. What she could not understand was Maura's parting jab. That it was some how Angela's fault that Jane would not settle down. 

Angela had spent a better part of the evening and most of the morning turning the words over. Angela wasn't a perfect mother and she and Frank obviously had their problems but Angela felt certain she had done well with her kids. She had raised them well, taught them about the importance of family and love. Tommy was a wonderful father. Things hadn't worked with Lydia but Angela knew he had been a good husband too. Frankie and Nina were sweet and supportive of one another. Angela knew they would have a happy marriage. But Jane? Jane eschewed any semblance of committment. Angela had always assumed it was Jane's job, her horrible history with that awful doctor turned serial killer. But Maura had said it was Angela's own deficiencies. 

Angela sighed, sipping her coffee. She could hear Jane and the dogs heading out for a walk. Angela was tempted to join but she knew she would only bother her eldest with questions and Angela suspected neither of them would enjoy that. How had Angela failed Jane so deeply? That she didn't want love? Family? When nothing presented itself, Angela sighed. 

Perhaps Maura was wrong. Maura had said Jane was happy with _their_ life in Virginia. It irked Angela that they had a life in Virginia that she wasn't a part of. She had wanted Jane to quit her job. To be safer. She hadn't wanted Jane to leave Boston. And Maura had followed Jane. The two of them were always together, which Angela understood when they were partners for work. They were a team, they saw horrors together. They solved crime together. Maura understood Jane's life at the police department like no one else, except perhaps Vince, but that was Boston. Perhaps that was the problem. Maura had followed Jane to Virginia. They had moved in together like two kids in college. Grown women didn't need roommates. Maura had moved to Virginia and Jane had gravitated to her best friend. She probably hadn't even given Agent Davies a chance. That had to be it. 

Angela sighed, glaring at her coffee. She was at an impasse then. Both Maura and Jane professed to be happy in Virginia. Angela couldn't break them up without making one or both of them miserable. Angela would simply have to give Maura a reason to move back to Boston. Then, maybe, Jane would finally give Agent Davies a call. Angela set her coffee cup and began getting ready for the day. Perhaps, Angela reasoned, Maura just needed to meet a man of her own so she wouldn't want to stay in Virginia. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Angela. I love this deeply complicated character. Such good intentions. Such deep flaws.


	14. Chapter 14

After Frankie and Nina _and_ Tommy and TJ arrived, ready for their outing at the zoo, Jane was forced to go in search of her Ma. She knocked at the guest house door before letting herself in. 

'Ma?' Jane called, 'are you almost ready?' 

'Just a minute Janie!' Angela called from the bathroom. 

Jane tapped her fingers on the counter. 'You know we're just going to the zoo, right? You don't have to be all fancy?' 

'Yes, Janie,' Angela replied walking in to the main room, 'I just had a late start.' 

Jane looked her Ma over. She had dark circles under her eyes that even her concealer couldn't hide. Her face was cast in a frown, her eyebrows furrowed. Jane sighed, 'you look lovely Ma.' 

Angela lit up a bit at that, 'thank you Jane.' She smiled warmly at her eldest. 'Just give me a moment to wash my dishes,' Angela gestured to a handful of dishes in the sink. 

'I'll dry,' Jane offered.

'Are your brothers here?' 

'Yup. Maura is entertaining them. Well TJ and the dogs are entertaining everyone and Maura is supervising.' Jane smiled as she thought about Boston, Berry and TJ playing inside. Boston would jump, TJ would jump, and Berry would sneak in for kisses every time the little boy fell down causing a round of giggles to errupt from the adults. 

'Maura sure is good with TJ, isn't she?' Angela asked casually. Jane felt her suspicions sky rocket. 

'Yes, _Auntie_ Maura is great at being an _aunt,_ Ma.' Jane dried the mug she was passed. 

'She is,' Angela agreed, 'TJ is really lucky to have her in his life. I know he's missed her since she moved away.' 

Jane tried not to flinch. TJ was a kid. She hated to think that he was missing his family. The rest of her family were adults, they could understand why Jane and Maura moved. 'Yeah, we miss him too Ma.' Jane spoke carefully, afraid to give her Ma whatever piece of information she was looking for. 

'And Tommy and Maura get along so well. Tommy really depended on Maura when he lived here, she believed in him,' Angela replied. Jane had a sinking feeling that she knew where this was going, she remained silent as Angela passed her a plate. 'He really needed someone to believe in him and she did that for him. She made him believe he could be a father.' 

'Yeah, Maura's great,' Jane replied. It was the truth, a truth Jane had to admit even if it encouraged her mother's fanatic thinking. 

'So you'll help me?' Angela said turning to Jane with a big smile. 

Jane sighed heavily and set her rag down. She leaned against the counter and took a few deep breaths. 'Help you with what Ma?' 

'Setting them up Janie!' Angela didn't give Jane a chance to answer. 'She and Tommy would make such a cute couple and TJ loves her. It would be perfect.' 

'You need to stop,' Jane spoke softly, her anger barely contained. 

'Stop what?' Angela asked feigning innocence, 'I just want to make three of my favorite people happy.' 

Jane pushed off the counter, 'Ma, Maura is happy with me. In Virginia.' 

Angela waved a dismissive hand, 'I never said she wasn't but Tommy-' 

'Isn't interested!' Jane shouted. She hated yelling at her mother. She also wasn't entirely certain that it was the truth. She knew Tommy had once had a very big crush on Maura but it didn't matter. Jane needed to make her mother understand. 'Tommy isn't interested. Maura isn't interested. And you can't go getting TJ's hopes up.' 

'How do you know Janie, have you asked them?' Angela demanded, her own voice rising. 

'Yes!' Jane replied, her mother didn't need to know it had been years. 'Maura is not interested in Tommy.' She liked him, Jane thought traitorously. But she loves me, Jane shot back. 

'Fine. Forgive me for trying to make my children happy.' Angela replied with a huff. 

Jane wanted to scream. 'You aren't Ma! You're trying to make yourself happy. We have nothing to do with it and you need to stop pretending we do.' Angela looked at her taken aback. She felt as though Jane had just slapped her. Jane stomped out of the house and in to the main house. 

Jane stormed inside the main house and headed up the stairs. Every pair of eyes followed Jane up the stairs. The sound of the door slamming made the room jump. 

'Dad?' TJ asked softly, 'is Auntie Jane mad?' 

Tommy knelt beside TJ, 'yeah bud, it sounds like it.' 

'At me?' TJ asked. 

'No,' Maura replied with a reassuring smile, 'never with you TJ!'

'Are we still going to the zoo?' TJ asked, his eyes began watering.

'Absolutely!' Maura replied evenly, 'why don't you take the dogs out back to use the restroom before we go, can you do that?' 

TJ sniffed and swiped a hand across his nose. He nodded and went to the backdoor. Boston followed readily, happy to be going outside. Berry whined and went to sit at the bottom of the stairs. 'Come on Berry,' TJ coaxed. The red dog whined again. 

'It's okay TJ,' Maura replied watching their sensitive pup whine, 'we'll go check on Jane. You just take care of Boston.' 

Maura excused herself from the other adults and went upstairs with Berry. Maura knocked softly before entering the master bedroom. Jane had destroyed the bed, pillows and blankets tossed and formed in to what Maura would call a nest. Jane, however, looked surprisingly calm. She sat in the middle of her nest cross legged, breathing. 'Jane?' Maura asked softly. 

'She's trying to set you up with Tommy.' Jane replied. She let out a long breath. 

Maura blinked in surprise. 'She's what?' 

'She thinks Auntie Maura would be a great step-mother Maura.' Jane said on another exhale. 

Maura couldn't help the laugh that escaped her, 'that's ridiculous!' 

Jane's eyes flashed with something that Maura couldn't quite read. Uncertainty, perhaps, 'you liked him once.' 

Maura stiffled another laugh, 'I was attracted to him, yes.' 

'So it could work?' Jane asked, her voice sounding small and sad. 

'No!' Maura replied emphatically. 'Tommy and I? Absolutely not. We'd be a horrible couple! Besides, who wants long distance step-mother?' 

'You could move back here, you still have the house.' Jane gestured around them. 

'And leave Virginia?' Maura asked teary eyed, 'leave you and dogs? I would never Jane!' Maura wrapped her arms around Jane in a hug, 'I love Viriginia. I love our dogs. I love our home. I love you.' Maura placed a kiss on Jane's head. 

Jane nodded and sniffled. She let Maura hold her for a while longer. 

* * *

Tommy Rizzoli sighed. He had lost in rock, paper, scissors against Frankie which was why his older brother was now romping with TJ and Boston while Nina stood by laughing while Tommy stood at his mothers door. That Ma and Jane had fought was obvious. Maura was taking care of Jane which just left Angela. Tommy scratched his head. There was nothing for it but to knock. He entered when his mother beckoned. Angela was standing at her sink, looking shaken and pale.

'What happened Ma?' Tommy asked. 

'I just...' Angela began then stopped. 'You like Maura right?' 

Tommy smiled, 'of course Ma. She's smart, she's kind, and she is great with TJ. She's one of my best friends.' 

'Oh Tommy,' Angela said, regaining some of her composure. 'I was just telling Jane that she should help me get you two together.' 

Tommy laughed, 'you wanted Jane to set me up with Maura?' 

Angela's cheeks went rosy, 'yes.' 

'That's crazy Ma!' Tommy let out another chortle. 

'And what is so crazy about it?' Angela asked indignantly. 'Maura is a beautiful woman and she would make a wonderful mother!' 

Tommy nodded, 'yeah she is gorgeous. But she's like my sister. We just... don't fit.' He used his hands to show Angela his fingers bumping each other. 'But Maura and Jane?' Tommy slid his fingers together, interlinking them, 'Maura and Jane fit.' 

Angela considered this for a moment, 'you think Janie's a lesbian?' 

Tommy hesitated. That wasn't what he meant. 'I don't know, Ma.' 

'But you said Maura and Jane fit,' Angela pointed out. 

Tommy scratched his head again, he was feeling out of his depth here. 'They do,' Tommy tried again, 'they complete each other. I don't know if they're like... physical about it.' Tommy paused, blushing slightly. Talking about his sister's sex life was odd. 'But they belong to each other, you know?' 

'No,' Angela replied, clearly confused. 

Tommy took a breath and shook his head. 'Okay Ma,' he decided he would try a different way, 'when Jane feels unsafe, where does she go?' 

'Maura's.' 

'And when Jane would get hurt, who stayed by her side in the hospital the entire time?' 

'Maura.' 

'And whose kidnapping made Jane go absolutely crazy?' 

'Maura's.' 

Tommy thought they might be on a roll now. 'And when Jane decided to move, who decided she couldn't live her life without Jane, so much so she relocated her entire life to be with Jane?' 

'Maura.' Angela replied in the same even tone. 

'They just... fit.' Tommy replied, 'like gnocchi and pesto, or milk and cookies. They're... partners.' Tommy watched his mother process this information.

'I don't understand,' Angela decided, 'how can they belong to each other without being romantically together?' 

Tommy considered the question. It was a fair one. If Maura was a Murray, they probably would have been married already. 'I don't know Ma.' Tommy thought a moment more, 'maybe Janie was expecting her soul mate to look like some one else.' There. Tommy saw it, a spark of understanding. 

'Soul mates?' Angela whispered softly, 'you think Maura and Jane are soul mates?' 

Tommy blushed, 'aw hell if I know Ma,' Tommy said scratching his head again, 'I don't know nothing about soul mates.' He hesitated a moment before admitting, 'but if I ever marry again, I hope it is to someone who I'm as devoted to as Jane is to Maura.'

Angela stared at him for a moment. Then she pressed a kiss to his cheek, 'you will my sweet boy.' 

Tommy grinned, 'thanks Ma. Now can we get going already? TJ had been talking about this zoo trip the whole week.' 

'Yes!' Angela replied hurrying off to find her things. Tommy smiled to himself. He thought that went well, he just hoped Maura had done as well with Jane. 


	15. Chapter 15

An unspoken truce settled upon the adults as they accompanied TJ to the zoo, after all few things could broker peace faster than a child's delight. Maura and Jane kept a polite distance from Angela but held their silence. Angela, feeling she would be dramatically outnumbered, decided to stick with TJ. It was exhausting, of course, to keep up with her grandson but it kept her from dwelling on her children's current allegiances. Tommy had as good as said he was on Jane and Maura's side. Angela knew without needing to ask that Frankie would be on Jane's side. Even if he thought his sister was dead wrong, he would still choose her side. He worshipped his older sister, a fact Angela both adored and loathed. Nina would take Frankie's side and by extension Jane's. 

Angela found herself noticing things throughout the day, small things. Like how Maura and Jane's hands brushed one another at every available opportunity. Or how they smiled at one another with absolute adoration. Angela used to think their near constant proximity had been some combination of their friendship and Jane's own hypervigilance. Now? Angela wasn't so certain. No matter where they went, the other inevitably followed. Jane showed Maura a level of care and consideration that Angela could only define as tenderness. Jane was tender with Maura. Jane was not a tender human. She was big hearted but she had armor a mile thick. Jane certainly seemed to fit with Maura. Angela wasn't so certain the same was true of Maura. Afterall, if her baby, her eldest and only girl, was going to devote her life to someone, Angela wanted to make sure that person, male or female, was just as devoted to her Janie. It wasa problem. A problem that Angela was running out of time to solve. 

* * *

Jane, with the help of her brothers, had steered the group through the zoo so that they ended their day at the newly minted 'Isles Reptile Conservatory.' Maura had insisted that Bass would have the best home money could buy, even if that meant her money. In the end, Maura had donated enough to build a whole new exhibit which housed several varieties of reptiles. Maura had been at her best today, spouting off facts and biology about every creature they saw. It made Jane smile and go all goofy inside. Who knew being in a relationship with Maura would make all of Jane's favorite parts of Maura that much more intoxicating? Maura had been surprisingly patient about not seeing Bass or the new exhibit but as the day wore on and with each passing exhibit, Jane could see her sadness growing. After all, seeing Bass was the whole point of today's visit. She hid it well, of course, enthusiastically tagging along with TJ to whatever animal he wanted to see next. But in the quiet moments, when everyone else was awing at the animals, Jane saw her eyes dart towards the conservatory. Saw they lingered on the map. Jane was tempted to give in but she had spent weeks planning her surprise. 

Around the time for Bass's feeding, Jane directed the group to the conservatory. Outside she pulled Maura to the side, gesturing for the family to go in. 'Can I talk to you for a minute Maura?' Jane asked. 

Maura's eyes made one last longing glance at the doors to the conservatory before she turned to give Jane her attention, 'what is it Jane?' 

'Do you trust me Maura?' Jane asked with a smile. She knew the answer, of course. 

'Of course I do Jane,' Maura replied dutifully, 'why?' 

'Come on!' Jane grabbed Maura's hands and lead her to a back door marked for employees only. 

'Jane?' Maura queried, 'I don't think we're meant to be back here.' Jane shot her a smile in reply. A zoo keeper was waiting at the end of the hallway. 

'Dr. Isle's?' The keeper asked as they approached. 

'Yes, I'm Dr. Isles,' Maura replied, her eyes darting between Jane and the keeper, as though she could find the answer written somewhere between them. 

'My name is Zoe Burns and I'm Bass's primary keeper.' 

'Oh!' Maura said lighting up, 'it's wonderful to meet you!' 

'You as well,' Zoe offered Maura a handshake before turning to Jane, 'and you must be Jane Rizzoli.'

'That's me,' Jane said flashing a smile.

'What did you do?' Maura asked, a pleased smile playing across her features. Jane just gave her signature mischevious smirk. 

'Jane thought it might be nice for you to have some time with Bass,' Zoe began, 'so she contacted me about setting up a special feeding. Just through here.' Zoe gestured them through a second door, which lead to a staging area with supplies, a hose, and a small bucket of food. Zoe offered gloves to Maura and Jane and then handed them both a bucket of food.

Zoe lead them through yet another door and out in to the tortoise habitat. 'Hello everybody!' Zoe said in to a mic, smiling at the crowd. 

'Look it's Auntie Jane and Auntie Maura!' TJ's shout could be heard from above the chorus of hellos. 

'Today we are joined by two very special friends of Bass's. Before Bass came to live with the zoo, Dr. Isles was his caretaker. She's joined us today for this very special feeding.' Zoe spoke to the crowd. 'Does any body know what a tortoise likes to eat?' Zoe launched in to her educator mode, asking the crowds questions and seeking answers. TJ's small voice was often heard piping in. He knew all about tortoises. Jane held back and let Maura feed Bass. 

Jane honestly couldn't tell if Bass cared at all about the hands feeding him. He moved at the same slow, steady pace. He couldn't wag a tail and as far as Jane knew, he didn't make any excitement sounds. He did frequently bump his nose against Maura's hand, who would in turn give the tortoise some pets. Jane would have to ask later. Maura, however, was clearly delighted. She murmurred softly to her friend, her eyes starry and her smile serene. 

Zoe, having finished her dialogue, signaled a keeper off to the side. 'Today is a very special day. Today, Dr. Isles and Ms. Rizzoli are here to introduce our newest tortoise. It is our hope that Bass and his new friend will help us with our breeding and conservation efforts around the world.' The second keeper opened a cage and let out a second smaller tortoise. The crowd oohed and awed. 

Maura, kneeling beside Bass, watched the smaller tortoise with what Jane could only describe as an air of protective fierceness. She wandered out slowly, searching out the food that Jane held in her bucket. Jane knelt beside her and murmurred 'what's wrong?' 

Maura shook her head and replied softly, 'I didn't know they were bringing in another tortoise.' She looked anxiously between the two. 'What if Bass doesn't like them?' 

Jane smiled, 'I'm sure they did their homework Maura and I doubt they did first introductions in public.' 

'You're right,' Maura replied with a sigh. The smaller tortoise had finally reached them and was accepting a treat from a half-hearted Maura. 

'Do you want to know her name?' Jane asked. Maura nodded but did not reply. 'Say hello to Susie, Dr. Isles.' Jane said it softly, tenderly,

In the background Jane could hear Zoe introducing the new tortoise and the chorus of hellos that followed. Jane bumped Maura's side gently. 'This okay?' 

Maura nodded, laying her head softly on Jane's shoulder. 'It's perfect Jane,' Maura replied softly, 'I can't believe you did all of this for me.' She offered the tortoise a second treat, whispering an affectionate, 'hello Susie,' as she did so.

'I'd do anything for you,' Jane answered easily. 

Zoe continued talking in the background, discussing the differences between male and female tortoises and their reproductive habits. Jane wasn't really listening though, she was watching Maura. Jane knew she had done well today. Had managed to surprise and delight Maura. It had been a good day. 

* * *

Maura stole the last few pieces out of Jane's bucket to feed to Susie. Bass had lost interest several minutes ago and had settled in to a position under the heat lamp, his head following Maura's movements. It was good to see him and it was better to know he had missed her. It was even better to see him affectionately head butt Zoe when she walked by, asking for pets in his own tortoise way. She was glad he liked his keeper. Susie was beautiful as far as tortoises go. She was a bit younger than Bass, a bit more active. Maura hoped they would have a long and happy life together. 

It had been a wonderful surprise. Maura found herself sneaking peaks at Jane. Maura felt seen, loved, taken care of. Maura felt immersed in Jane's affection, completely bowled over by it, in the very best way. Jane who had thoughtfully planned every step of this surprise, Jane who hadn't stopped watching Maura, who smiled every time Maura stole a glance her way. It made Maura's heart race, to know that Jane was watching her. It made her face grow hot to know that Jane was enjoying Maura being happy, purely out of love for Maura. It made Maura's head spin. Something inside of Maura had changed. Something had opened inside her chest, like a bud blooming, its petals unfurling bit by beautiful bit. Maura didn't know how to describe it. All she really knew was that she had walked in to that tortoise exhibit _loving_ Jane Rizzoli and she walked out of it _in love_ with Jane Rizzoli. 

And what, Maura asked herself, am I going to do now? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun tortoise facts: they do recognize their caregivers, they do ask for pets via headbutts, and they show affection by watching their caregivers as they move. They will, on occasion, follow the people they like. Researching that for this was delightful.
> 
> Another fun fact: susie chang should never have died.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's cute that you all thought Maura was going to *do* something after that last chapter. ;)

Maura Isles is, first and foremost, a woman of science. Emotions were all well and good and after years of knowing Jane, Maura had even come to appreciate them for their complexities and intricacies. At the moment, however, Maura's feelings were utterly confusing. What Maura needed was empirical data. She needed tangible data points she could see. Maura needed to follow the facts, let them lead her to a conclusion. Deciding she was in love before examining all the data was like Jane calling reddish brown stains 'blood'. It was an assumption, a foregone conclusion. Maura didn't make assumptions. She analyzed, she plotted data points, she examined all the evidence and then stated the most empirically likely scenario from that data. Which was why Maura started counting the number of times Jane touched her. It would be the first cornerstone of her data. The second would be a catagorical assessment of Maura's own actions to each touch. Maura would find all the data. Maybe, just maybe, it would help her figure out what to do next. This might just be one of the most important forensic analysis Maura had ever done, after all, her relationship with Jane hung in the balance. 

Jane had touched her 28 times with an outlier of 1 from the time they left Bass's exhibit to the time they made it home. Most, 17, were mere brushes. The whisper of a touch as they passed one another, the subtle brush of fingertips as they walked. They had made Maura feel tingly. Though Maura had to consider all her feelings at the time a potential outlier, her reactions overshadowed by her emotional connection at the exhibit. 5 of Jane's touches had lasted several seconds, lingering on the small of Maura's back or on her forearm. Maura assumed, due to duration, these were more intentional touches. They had made Maura's stomach flutter, her heart race. 3 times Jane had teasingly bumped in to Maura. All 3 had made Maura laugh. Once, Jane and Maura had collided with one another while chasing TJ. Maura assumed it was accidental and therefore an outlier but Maura noted that Jane's hands on her hips, steadying her, made Maura's whole body flush. The remaining few times were... perfect... no... just statistically significant. Twice in the car on the way home Jane took her hand, holding it in her own as they talked with Frankie and Nina. The way holding Jane's hand felt was... indescriable. Pleasing, warming, dizzying, and so much more. The final touch was when, before entering the house, Jane pulled Maura aside to thank her for coming to the zoo and tolerating her crazy family. She had leaned in then and kissed Maura's cheek. Maura felt an immediate flood of dopamine and andrenaline course through her body. Her cheek grew hot and tingly. Breathing became labored. Maura could conclude, definitively, that she was attracted to Jane. However, attraction was just one data point in the course of love. 

Sleeping had been difficult for Maura. She was keenly aware of Jane beside her. Her warm body, her every movement. The way that Jane did not shy away from Maura when their forms touched. Maura felt... odd, enjoying that comfort now. Jane was a friend with platonic intentions. Maura, in the dark silence of their room, had to acknowledge that she longed for those intentions to be something more. Maura turned her mind to measuring the other aspects of a romantic partnership. If she could quantify the other aspects, she could derive relevant data from there. 

Sunday with the Rizzoli's meant two things: sports and food. Maura had come to accept this reality years ago. She enjoyed the science behind the sports, the statistics, the physics, even the biology of the athletes was engaging. It was entirely second nature to Maura, at this point, to host the entire Rizzoli clan and their friends for a raucus afternoon and a family dinner. Frankie and Nina were the first to arrive that Sunday while Jane was out walking the dogs, hoping to tire them (mostly Boston) out before the others arrived. 

'Hey Maura!' Nina said, following Maura in to the kitchen with Frankie on her heels, 'need any help?' 

'No but thank you Nina!' Maura replied with a smile. She moved her cutting board to the island to face the duo as she worked. 

'I feel like we spent the whole weekend talking about the wedding. Tell us about Virginia and your book!' Nina asked eagerly. 

'Oh!' Maura replied happily, 'I've loved hearing about your wedding. I'm so excited for you both!' 

'Thanks Maura,' Frankie said smiling lovingly at Nina before sneaking a carrot off of Maura's cutting board and chomping on it. When both women just stared at him he shrugged and said, 'what? I didn't eat breakfast.' 

Nina shook her head, smiling indulgently. It was a smile Maura knew she often wore when Jane was around. A data point to consider for later. 'So, Maura,' Nina prompted again, 'Virginia? Your book?' 

'Virginia is lovely,' Maura replied happily. 'We are excited to have you all over for Thanksgiving.' Maura moved on to chopping onions. 'My book is finished and set to be published in early October.' 

'Ooh! Is there a preorder?' Nina asked, smacking Frankie's hand as he reached for a second carrot. 

'Ow!' Frankie yelped. 

'There is,' Maura replied, 'and then I'll be on a book tour for most of October and part of November.' 

'Hyping it up for the holidays?' Nina asked. 

'That's my editors idea.' 

'How's living with Jane? She driving you crazy yet?' Frankie asked. When both women stared at him he shrugged again, 'what? I lived with her for years. I know she's a hard roommate.' Nina shook her head. Frankie was the sweetest, most tactless man. 

'It's...' Maura hesitated, her chopping slowing as she considered what to say, 'completely platonic.' She knew the moment she said it, it was the wrong answer. Maura saw the detectives share a glance.

'Is there a non-platonic option?' Nina asked, her grin borderline predatory. 

This was going to end with Maura in hives. She already knew it. 'Certainly,' Maura replied keeping her eyes on the cutting board. 'There are plenty of facets to any relationship ranging from hostile to passionate.'

'Passionate?' Frankie asked, his eyes tracking every one of Maura's movements. 'Like romantic?' 

'That is one possible facet,' Maura replied carefully. 

'A facet that you and Jane might be open to?' Nina asked. 

Maura turned to grab potatos. The recipe didn't call for potatos but Maura needed the excuse. 'We haven't discussed it.' Maura replied truthfully. 

'But one that I'm guessing _you_ would be open to discussing,' Frankie suggested.

Maura counted to ten before answering. 'I am open to discussing a great number of things, Detective Rizzoli.' Frankie laughed, holding up his hands in fake surrender. 

'Being open to and wanting to are two very different things,' Nina observed quietly. 

Maura set her knife down and stared at the woman. 'Et tu, Detective Holiday?' 

Nina, however was unaffected, 'I think that maybe living with a certain some one has made you realize that maybe you want more than just a platonic relationship. And that maybe, just maybe, you are so terrified by that, that you are shutting it all down with some kind of rationalizing science bullshit.' 

'I do not rationalize my emotions using science,' Maura replied. 

'Hives!' Frankie pointed triumphantly at Maura's neck. She could indeed feel the burning, itching sensation crawling up her neck. Maura took a couple of steadying breaths. 

Nina walked around the island and offered Maura a hug, a place to hide for a moment. 'You okay, Maura?' Maura accepted the hug and nodded stiffly in the embrace. It wasn't like when Jane held her. It was nice, a bit awkward, but friendly. When Jane held her it was like coming home or taking a deep breath after being under water. Another data point. 

'Well,' Frankie said feeling a bit awkward, 'if someone ever decides how she feels, I think a certain someone else would be one hundred percent receptive. Just a thought.' Frankie walked away then, going in search of the remote. 

Maura had pulled away from Nina, blinking after him. That was the missing data, wasn't it? Maura's attraction was accounted for. The outcome of this scenario depended on Jane's data. A mutual attraction would have a positive outcome. The only problem would be if there was a discrepancy between their attraction levels. 

Nina watched Maura's face go in to science mode. She had to hide a giggle. Then Jane had walked in with the dogs. Maura's whole body beamed at the other woman. Nina watched them greet each other, their bodies reorienting to one another as Jane washed her hands and then went to join Frankie on the couch. She saw the look of awe on Maura's face. The girl was in it deep and she didn't even know. Nina leaned in and whispered conspiratorially in Maura's ear, 'Frankie's right, you know. Go for it.' Maura swatted at her with a towel but Nina _knew_ the look in her eyes. Nina was very well acquainted with it. She felt it every time she looked at Frankie. It was hope. 

* * *

Hope stopped outside her biological daughter's house. She checked her make up in the mirror and did her best to calm her nerves. Cailin watched her quietly. 'Are you ready to go in?' Hope asked. 

'Yeah Mom,' Cailin said with only the barest hint of an eye roll. They were _finally_ making it out of the too-cool-for-you teenager stage. 'It's just Maura's. You don't have to be nervous.' Cailin said softly. She had spent far more evenings with her half sister and the Rizzoli's. 

'I know,' Hope murmurred, wondering if it was appropriate to confide in her daughter. 'I just....' Hope trailed off. 

'You want her to like you?' Cailin said with a shrug, 'you want them all to like you. I get it.' 

Hope stared at her daughter. She had grown in to a wise, perceptive and kind young woman. Hope nodded her eyes getting misty. 'Losing Maura as a baby was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through,' it was a truth they both knew. Maura's loss had shadowed most of Cailin's life. Had made Hope cling tightly to her younger daughter, driven Hope to extreme protective measures. When Cailin had fallen ill, Hope had fallen apart. She couldn't bare to lose Cailin. 'Getting Maura back was such a gift. And then Maura saved you.' Cailin nodded understanding, it had taken them time to acknowledge what they both knew. That Maura had given Cailin a kidney and saved her life. 'I spent a life time grieving only to get both of my daughters back. Only one of them, I hardly know at all.' 

Cailin reached out and took Hope's hand. 'You're more alike than you know, Mom.' 

Hope squeezed her daughters hand. She knew that too. 'I just... I owe her so much but it was so complicated for so long. I just... want to... belong.' Admitting it was hard. All humans craved connection, belonging. Admitting you wanted to belong, though? 

'So does Maura,' Cailin said softly, 'she wants to belong with you too. She just... doesn't know how.'

'What do you mean?' Hope asked. 

'Maura's not great with people.' Cailin offered. It was true. Her sister was socially awkward. 'But she has a big heart. She just needs you to guide the process. Normalize the relationship you want with her, you know.' Hope stared at her daughter. 'If you want to talk to her, then talk to her. If you want to tell her you care about her, love her, then say it. She'll follow your lead Mom.' 

'You think?' Hope asked cautiously. 

'Yup,' Cailin said with a smile, 'it's what I did.' Hope considered this. Cailin and Maura seemed to have a healthy relationship. Hope knew they talked, felt comfortable depending on each other. Certainly, Cailin seemed more sure of her relationship than Hope was. 

'Any advice for the Rizzoli's?' Hope asked. Knowing Maura and Jane were a couple now made Hope want to please, what was effectively, her extended family now. 

Cailin chuckled, 'cannoli's are a good start. And don't cheer against Boston. They're pretty simple.' 

'Right.' Hope glanced at the box of cannoli's on the back seat. Hesitantly she asked, 'what about Jane?' 

'Jane likes every one Maura likes. Win over Maura and you'll have Jane,' Cailin replied with a shrug. 'Jane's simple, just don't hurt Maura.' 

It wasn't that simple. Hope had several encounters with Jane that told her it wasn't that simple. However, it wasn't wrong either. 'Well,' Hope spoke softly, 'I have no desire to hurt Maura.' 

Cailin smiled at her, 'I know Mom. Think you're about ready?' 

'Into the fray!' Hope said teasingly, pulling the keys from the ignition and exiting the car. 

Jane answered the door. She pulled Cailin in to a quick hug and offered a smile to Hope. 

'Hello Jane,' Hope said with a smile, 'it's good to see you!' 

'I'm glad you could make it! Maura really wanted you here,' Jane said in reply. Hope noticed that Jane hadn't said _she_ wanted Hope there but Hope would take Maura's excitement. 

'It was wonderful to hear from Maura yesterday but what about you Jane? Are you enjoying being an instructor?' Hope asked following Jane inside.

'Yeah,' Jane replied. 'Would you like some wine?' 

Hope shook her head, 'no thank you.' 

'Instructing is different. A lot less physical but it's been really rewarding watching the recruits learn and grow, knowing they are going to be out in the field helping bring about justice.' Jane continued. 

'I've always found teaching to be very rewarding,' Hope replied. 

'Yeah.' Jane said, 'it's nice knowing I'll be home for dinner too.' Hope watched Jane's eyes wander over to Maura and a small smile cross her face. 

'Will you be joining Maura on her book tour?' Hope asked. 

Jane returned her attention to Hope, 'I'm planning on joining her at a few, on the weekends.' 

'Good,' Hope said with a smile, 'I think she's going to miss you greatly.' 

Jane blinked, her eyes threatening to get watery. 'I'm going to miss her too. Six weeks is a long time.' 

Hope patted Jane's shoulder, feeling awkward but taking her younger daughter's advice to heart. She would build the relationship she wanted with Maura _and_ with Jane. She just had to have patience. 

'Thanks Hope,' Jane said with a smile. 'You should probably go spend time with Maura. She was so excited you decided to join us.' 

'You know, I think I will,' Hope replied. 'I'm glad she asked me to come and that you are willing to let me join. It means a lot to me to be invited to the Rizzoli family dinner.' She hoped it conveyed everything she was trying to say. 

'Maura's family. So are you.' Jane replied with a shrug.

Hope nodded, her throat tight with emotion. Maybe she could find her place in her daughter's life after all. She walked in to the kitchen and offered Maura a warm hug hello without questioning if it would be wanted. And Maura hugged her back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nina Holiday is the friggin' best.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could this slow burn finally be starting to catch?!

Jane bopped along, half humming half singing, as she did the dishes. She wasn't certain who had chosen the 80's/90's playlist but Jane was happy enough to not really care. Jane had taken over dish duty from Maura, shooing her away to go spend time with Hope. The two had disappeared in to the office some time ago. Jane assumed it was clinic business. Tommy had dragged a reluctant TJ away for bed time. Vince and Kiki had left with them, saying they didn't get enough early nights. Vince had given Jane a long hug and a gruff kiss before leaving. In some ways, missing Vince was harder than missing her family. What could Jane say, the stubborn old geezer had wormed his way in to her heart. Frankie, Nina and Cailin were arguing about something in the living room, snack throwing may have been included. Yep, it was just another Rizzoli dinner. 

'Can I help you dry?' Angela asked tentatively. Jane saw contrition in her mother's face. 

'Sure Ma,' Jane replied with a reassuring smile. She knew they had to talk sometime, seeing as Jane and Maura were leaving tomorrow. 

'Janie I owe you an apology.' Angela said dutifully avoiding her daughter's eyes, choosing a large pan to dry. 

'It's okay Ma,' Jane replied with a sigh, 'I wasn't exactly kind either.' 

'Yeah, well,' Angela began, 'that's the Rizzoli in us. We're passionate.' Jane nodded but held her tongue. 'I want you to know that you were wrong. I care about my kids happiness. It means more to me than my own happiness.' Angela's voice broke with emotion. 

'I know Ma,' Jane replied her own voice hoarse. 

'I just, sometimes I get so focused on one thing that I don't really see anything else, you know?' Angela asked. Jane chuckled. Wasn't that the truth! Angela swatted at her playfully with a towel. 'But uh Tommy, he helped me to see the bigger picture this time. I see it now. I see you're happy with Maura.'

Jane looked over at her Ma. 'I really am Ma.' 

Angela smiled at her, 'I know honey and your happiness is all I ever wanted.' 

'That's not true,' Jane said with a smirk, 'you also want grandbabies.' 

Angela laughed as she grabbed the next dish, 'that's still true but I'm open to other options. Including non-human ones if required. Especially if they're as sweet as this girl.' Angela gave Berry an affectionate rub with her foot. The red dog was loyal to a fault to Jane. Even when that meant laying on the hard floor while Jane did dishes. It endeared her to Angela. 

Jane smiled, 'well there's always Frankie and Nina. Who knows Tommy might have another kid in him.' 

'But not you?' Angela asked it softly, without judgement. 

Jane sighed. She supposed she owed her mother a direct answer for this one. 'Probably not, Ma. At least, not any birthed by me.' 

Angela nodded, trying to take the news in stride. To her credit she only sniffed a few times. 'That's okay Janie. As long as you're happy with your choice, I will be too.' 

Jane knew they'd probably have to have this conversation again but she would take it for now. 'Thanks Ma,' Jane replied softly. The pair washed and dried silently for a few moments and just as Jane began to think that maybe her mother wasn't such a pain, Angela broke the silence. 

'Are you and Maura having sex?' Jane choked on the air. Leave it to her mother to be as subtle as a bull in a china shop. 

'Ma!' Jane cried when she could breath again. 'You can't just ask something like that!' 

'Why not?' Angela asked defensively, 'I'm your mother Janie and I'll love you no matter who you're intimate with.' 

'Jesus Ma!' Jane said, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable. 'I don't ask who you're getting intimate with.' 

'No,' Angela shot back a teasing look in her eye, 'you just do full criminal background checks on them.'

Jane sputtered. Her mother had a point. Jane had looked in to every man she had dated, including her own boss Lieutenant Cavanaugh. Even Nina had been subject to a few checks, though Jane had chalked that up to her own intense paranoia during the Alice Sands period of her life. Nina had gotten off light compared to the checks Jane had run on Maura's dating interests. Sensing no good way to escape the current line of questioning, Jane took a page from the Maura Isles playbook: the technical truth. 'No Ma, we are not having sex. Happy?' 

'But you are involved,' Angela replied, more a statement than a question. 

Jane stared at the dish in her hand. How the hell was she supposed to answer that? She and Maura were way past involved. They were... Maura was... everything. She looked up at her mother with a helpless look praying that Angela would have mercy on her. 

'I thought so,' Angela answered her own question. 'I'd be lying if I said I don't have some serious concerns.' 

Jane flinched. Her voice came out hard, 'I thought you said you didn't care who I slept with.' 

Angela shook her head, 'I don't but I see the way you look at her Janie. Your whole world revolves around her. She brings out this side of you that I've never seen.' 

'Okay,' Jane replied, still guarded, 'isn't that a good thing?' 

'Oh honey,' Angela said with a softness that Jane had come to consider her bad-news voice, 'it would be if Maura felt the same.' 

'You don't think Maura feels the same?' Jane asked. Jane didn't know why she was asking, she didn't really want to know. 

'I don't think Maura knows what she feels,' Angela replied gently, as though speaking softly could lessen the pain of her words. 'You know how Maura is. She's smart and incredibly kind but clueless when it comes to people.' Jane grunted in reply. Jane couldn't deny the truth in her mother's words but how could the truth feel so wrong. 'I'm just not sure she'll ever be able to feel the same level of devotion that you do Janie, much less express it.' 

'Why are telling me this Ma?' Jane asked. She felt cut up, as though she had been running her palms over broken glass. 

'I just want you to be careful with that big beautiful heart of yours Janie.' Angela spoke softly. 'You're a heart person and you've chosen to spend your life with a head person. That can hurt.' 

Jane thought about it. She felt a flash of anger and a pang of sadness. She thought about yelling at her mother. She thought about crying. Younger Jane probably would have. Older Jane took a few calming breaths and decided to look at her mother's intentions. The irony of it was that Angela had Maura to thank for that response. 'I know you don't want to see me hurt.' It was the only thing Jane could reply to.

Jane knew Maura could be clinical, knew Maura was governed by science and logic. It was part of what Jane loved about Maura. What her mother said was true. Maura lead with head. She _was_ smart. She _was_ kind. And she _was absolutely clueless_ about people. Jane also knew Angela was wrong. Maura was devoted to Jane, at least Jane was pretty sure she was. Jane stared at the empty sink. She could hear Angela talking, Jane nodded along, turning off the water. 'Thanks, Ma,' Jane said, 'I'm gonna walk the dogs.' 

Jane grabbed the leashes in a daze. She heard the others asking if she wanted help. She waved them off and left. Jane shivered in the night air, having left her jacket behind. She let the dogs guide her through the neighborhood and toward the park. She breathed in the cool fall air and let it clear her head. She let the three of them into the dog park, settling on a bench. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, her mother's words rattling in her head. Long enough for her fingers to have gone numb in he cold. 

'Jane?' A voice broke her out of her ruminating. 'Are you in there?' 

It was Maura. Of course, it was Maura. How could Jane ever doubt Maura's devotion? 

'Over here Maur!' Jane called in to the darkness. 

She heard the tell-tale clicking of the gates opening and closing and Boston's own yipping. 'Yes Boston! Yes, I see you girl!' Jane heard Maura said. When Maura reached Jane's bench, she passed Jane her jacket. 'You must be freezing! What are you doing out here?' She asked, rubbing her hands together in the cold. Jane could see the slightest hint of steam from her breath. Maura sat on the bench beside her. 'Frankie said you left in a hurry and without your jacket. He was worried about you.' 

Jane shrugged her jacket on, 'sorry about that.' 

'Was it your mother again?' Maura asked. Jane could hear the faintest edge of anger in Maura's voice. 

Jane shrugged. It was and it wasn't. 'Do you remember that time I jumped off that bridge?' 

Maura shivered, 'of course I do. It was terrifying. I thought I'd lost you for forever.' Maura had grabbed one of Jane's hands in her own squeezing it softly, 'you aren't thinking of repeating the experience are you?' Maura asked teasingly. 

Jane let out a harsh laugh, 'no, never. I was just thinking about when they brought me home on that boat. And you were there and I hugged you.' Jane drifted off, her mind recalling the morning. She was exhuasted and freezing and the only thing better than seeing the Boston coastline was seeing Maura standing at the top of the dock waiting for her. Jane hadn't thought of anyone other than Paul when she jumped off that bridge but she had forever to think about how she left Maura standing at the top of that bridge alone and afraid on that boat ride home.

'You said you had never been so happy to see me,' Maura replied her own memories flooding in. Maura had watched Jane jump. She had watched her body fall in to the water below, watched it resurface and start to swim. Maura watched that tiny shadow of a body disappear in to the vast oceanic darkness. She was the one who made the call, she had coordinated the search until Korsack got there, she had stayed all night, terrified she would be the one asked to do the autopsy and even more terrified they would never find a body at all. When she saw Jane, soaked and tired but very much alive, Maura had practically collapsed in relief. Then she had hugged Jane, held her as tight as she could. 

'Yeah, and then you walked away. Told me you'd see me at the office.' Jane said, her voice brimming with emotion. 

Maura felt it all again in a flash. The anger, the relief, the embarassment, the fear. All of it flooding her in an instant. She'd released Jane and all but ran away. 'Not one of my finer moments,' Maura admitted. 

Jane squeezed her hand reassuringly. 'It didn't take a genius to figure out that you were overwhelmed,' Jane murmurred. 'I know feelings are hard for you.' 

'They certainly can be,' Maura replied honestly. Jane knew her better than anyone, there was no use lying. 'But that doesn't mean I don't have them, that I don't care.' 

'I know Maura. I think,' Jane spoke in a whisper now, 'you might even care more because of it. I've always been able to tell how you feel about me. You know, always known where I stood with you. Whether you were pissed off, annoyed, charmed. I knew when you ran away from me that morning, that you were running because you loved me and because it just hurt so damn much.' 

'You are exceedingly good at reading me,' Maura said, staring at Jane, observing without judging. Jane took a breath. 

'Tonight while I was washing dishes, Ma came over to apologize.' Jane said, 'she finally realized that we're both happy. Said she saw it now.' 

Maura smiled, 'that's good then?' 

Jane nodded, 'yeah. No more match making is definitely a good thing. But then she started talking about how I'm a heart person and you're a head person.' 

Maura's face scrunched up, 'I don't understand. You and I possess both of those anatomical features.' 

That made Jane laugh, 'she means I go with my emotions, my gut.' 

'Ah,' replied Maura, 'and I prefer to make my decisions based on the evidence hence the head. I understand now.' 

'She wanted me to be careful, said I could get hurt,' Jane replied, 'said heart people being with head people could cause friction.' 

Maura considered this for a few moments. 'We certainly have had friction as a result of this, especially in our work.' 

'Yeah,' Jane murmurred, 'we have.' 

'I believe we have always navigated it quite well together.' Maura offered. 

Jane smiled, 'yeah, we have.' 

'I'm afraid I don't understand,' Maura said softly, 'has something changed in that dynamic that concerns you? I assume that's why we are sitting in a cold dark dog park.' 

'Not really.' Jane said. Then, seeking confirmation, 'we're still us, right?'

Maura nodded her brow furrowing, 'of course, we could hardly be someone else.' 

Jane chuckled, 'obviously. I just meant. It's okay if you're the braniac head and I'm the gumshoing gut as long as I know where I stand with you.'

'Where you stand with me?' Maura asked softly, still confused. 

'Yeah, that even when you're overwhelmed by your emotions that its because of your love for me.' 

'Like on the bridge? To be fair, I was very angry as well.' 

Jane grinned, 'as long I know we're in it together, that's okay.' 

'Together in the emotions, you mean?' Maura asked her voice teasing, 'because we definitely weren't together in the water.' 

'Can you forget about the bridge already,' Jane asked, her tone full of good natured accusation. She rolled her eyes. 

Maura smiled wryly, 'you just want to know how I feel about you?' 

Jane shook her head, 'no, I know how you feel about me. I guess... I just need reassurance. Sometimes.' 

'Like when your mother gives you bad advice?' Maura asked. 

That was the heart of it, wasn't it. The reason Jane had left her family in a fog to come sit alone in a cold dark dog park. Well, not really alone. She had Boston and Berry. And Jane knew, on some level, that Maura would find her. Eventually. Maura always did. Jane knew how Maura felt. She just needed reassurance. A reminder. When the doubts were loud. She nodded, blinking away her tears, 'yeah, maybe.' 

They sat quietly for a moment. Then Maura murmurred, 'I could write you a peer reviewed paper with extremely conclusive forensic evidence for just how much I care about you but the revoiew process is at least 14 months long.' Jane stared at Maura, unable to decide if Maura was joking or not. Maura smiled broadly at her, 'if you can't wait that long, perhaps a brief synopsis will do.' 

Jane laughed, 'there's nothing brief about what you just said but give it to me.' 

'I love you. Out of the roughly 7.8 billion people on this planet and of the tens of thousands of people that I personally have met, you Jane Clementine Rizzoli,' Maura bumped Jane softly, 'are my absolute favorite. And I am happy to remind you of that whenever you need to hear it.' 

Jane grinned. She took Maura's hand and brought it to her lips, kissing her knuckles softly. 'Thank you,' Jane muttered softly as she brought their hands back down, 'you're my favorite too. And _that_ is the last time I let my mother play detective.' 

* * *

Jane brought her lips softly, tenderly to Maura's knuckles. Her lips were cold but that didn't stop them from warming Maura's entire body. Her cheeks flushed, her mouth fell open in surprise. The movement, likely only seconds, felt like they were happening in slow motion. Maura watched Jane lift their hands collectively to her lips, watched those lips form and press tenderly to the 1st joint on her 3rd finger, watched as Jane lowered their hands once more. Elation. Utter elation. Maura felt the flood of dopamine wash over her, making her body tingle. 

Jane looked at her and chuckled, 'what's that look for Maur?' 

Maura's mind raced. A thousand answers died on the tip of her tongue. She needed to act. She felt it on a primal level. It demanded she act irregardless of the lack of evidence, overruling her prefrontal cortex's demand for reason. She found herself speaking, her voice surprisingly calm and confident. 'Jane? Will you let me take you on a date?' 

Time froze. Maura's brain went in to overdrive. Her prefrontal cortex began berating her. This was not how she intended to go about this. She was supposed to collect the data, make a reasoned assessment of their attraction levels and other compatibility factors, then she would prepare Jane for the question and then when she was certain of the outcome, _then_ she would ask. Everything controlled, predicted, accounted for. Her amygdala began preparing for rejection, she could feel it pumping out wave after wave of adrenaline, preparing her to run. Her cerbellum sped up her heart rate, sending blood to her limbs. Behind it all, her hypothalamus pumped out a steady dose of hope. It anchored her, forcing her to endure the endless seconds before Jane's reply.

Then Jane smiled, 'of course Maura!' 

That was it. Maura's brain stopped, though that, of course, was anatomically impossible. Every thought, every feeling, every process skipped a beat. 'Really?' Maura asked, almost disbelieving.

'Of course,' Jane replied. 

'You'll go on a date, with me?' Maura asked incredulous, 'a romantic one?' 

'Is there another kind?' Jane asked with a chuckle. 

'The kind that could lead to kissing? To sex?' Maura asked again. Her stomach fluttered, though Maura wasn't sure whether it was in excitement or disbelief. 

'If it goes well,' Jane said with a smirk, 'mighty presumptuous of you there Maura.' 

'Why aren't you more freaked out?' Maura asked, 'I just asked you to go on a date. A real life, romantic date. With me.' 

Jane shrugged, 'why would I be freaked out? Dating is sort of the next natural step, right?' 

'It is?' Maura asked. Maura would have put money, good money, on Jane freaking out over Maura's attraction to her. 

Jane looked at her then concern flitting over her features, 'does it not feel natural to you?' 

Maura blinked. Dating Jane Rizzoli? Kissing Jane Rizzoli? Having sex with Jane Rizzoli? The idea was certainly pleasant. Desireable. But natural? Maura wasn't sure. Had they always been heading to this? Did intimacy neccessarily beget attraction? Maura didn't have an answer that. She felt a slow smile spread across her face, 'you'll really go on a date with me?' 

Jane reached up and put a hand against her forehead, 'feeling okay there Maura? You don't usually struggle with simple concepts.' 

Maura shoved the hand away playfully. 'Just,' Maura murmurred, 'say it again. I have a better response, okay?' 

'Yes Doctor Maura Isles, I will go on a date with you.' Jane gave her an easy smile that made Maura's heart race. 

Maura smiled at her, warm and bright. Then gave pointed finger guns at Jane, when she spoke she modulated her voice to sound deeper than her normal range, 'cool, baby. I'll pick you up on Friday at 7.' 

Jane snorted. Her hand flying up to her nose as she laughed. Maura grinned, feeling incredibly pleased. She had cheered Jane up, made her laugh so hard she snorted and scored a date with her. Maura wrapped an arm casually around Jane's shoulders, pretending to be cool and non-chalant about it while her brain threw a neurochemical party. Jane didn't seem to mind, tucking herself in to Maura's side and resting her head on Maura's shoulder. Maura smiled to herself. Sweet, sweet oxytocin. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Thirsty Maura, sex jokes. Nothing too graphic. Probably doesn't even really warrant a warning but just in case.

Jane woke tangled up in Maura. She knew they sleep-snuggled but Jane so rarely woke first to enjoy it. Maura was hot. Extremely hot, Jane thought to herself with a grin. Jane tended to run cold. It meant that inevitably at some point in the night, they ended up with their legs tangled, their bodies snuggled in close to one another. It was nice. Jane never got cold in the middle of the night anymore and she had never slept better. She lay in the early morning light, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped up in Maura. When nature began to call, Jane began to gently untangle their legs. 

A soft groan came from Maura, 'Jane? Where are you going?' At least, that's what Jane assumed the moan was. It sounded more like 'Ane? Where go?' 

'Shhh, Maur, I'm meeting Frankie for basketball. Go back to sleep, it's early.' 

'Five more minutes.' Maura replied grabbing one of Jane's arms and tugging it around her so that Jane was effectively spooning Maura from behind, her hand trapped tightly beneath Maura's against the smooth plain of her abs. Her pajamas silky smooth. 

Jane smiled goofily. She loved sleepy Maura. Her bladder could wait five more minutes. Jane snuggled in to Maura, burying her face in the crook of Maura's shoulder and neck. Jane breathed in that all Maura scent. Jane pressed a kiss to Maura's mostly bare shoulder. Maura's heat was searing, her shoulder bare except for the small strap on her pajamas. 

'Jane?' Maura sounded somewhat incoherent, 'more.' 

Jane's stomach flipped, coming alive with butterflies. Jane pressed another tender kiss to that freckled shoulder. This time she let her lips linger for a moment longer. Maura sighed happily. Jane stayed nuzzled in that space for as long as she possibly could, marvelling at how just kissing someone could feel so good. 

'I gotta go Maura,' Jane mururred softly. She pressed a kiss to Maura's temple as she slipped her hand away. 

'Noooooo,' Maura moaned. 

Jane chuckled, 'yeah, sweetie. I have to pee.' Jane pressed another kiss to Maura's temple and then rolled as gently from bed as possible. 

Jane disappeared into the bathroom. She got ready quickly, changing in to workout clothes. She was excited to play with her brother, even though it meant leaving Maura snuggles. 

Jane entered in to the bedroom to find Maura staring sleepily at the door, pouting. It was enough to make Jane stiffle a laugh. 'I'm sorry Maura. I promised Frankie.' 

Maura's pout deepened, 'I was enjoying that.' It was all she said but it was enough to twist Jane's heart. 

Jane settled on the bed beside Maura, 'I could always cancel on Frankie.' 

Maura closed her eyes, pressed her lips together, as though it greatly pained her to respond. 'No,' Maura said, 'go play your beat-up basketball.' 

Jane grinned, 'it's pick up basketball.' 

'Not the way you two play,' Maura retorted. 

Jane laughed. It was true. She pressed a kiss to a still pouting cheek. 'If you stay in bed long enough, I promise I'll come back and spoon you.' 

'Tempting,' Maura said with a yawn, 'but only if you shower first.' 

'You don't want me sweating on your sheets?' Jane asked playfully. 

Maura's eyes flew open and Jane saw a flash of something she couldn't identify, a kind of heat. 'Oh, I do,' Maura replied earnestly, 'I just prefer to be the one making you sweat.' 

Jane didn't see it coming. She should have. It was the perfect set up but somehow she'd missed it. Jane coughed on the unexpected heat of it. When she had sucked in enough breath to respond, she replied, 'well I'm going to go, before you try to strip my clothes off.' 

Jane heard Maura mumble a reply, something that sounded like, 'I'd make sure you enjoyed it.' Jane didn't have the heart to ask what she actually said. She fled from the room, dogs hot on her heels. 

Jane met Frankie at a park near the police department. After a few polite rounds of ball jostling, Frankie called for a water break. 

'Getting old there Frankie?' Jane teased, gulping down her own water. 

'Ha ha,' Frankie replied, 'no. I just haven't played with anyone who fouls as much as you do since you left.' 

Jane swatted at her brother, a grin on her face. 'You're just bitter because you can't keep up.' 

'Wanna bet?' Frankie asked, raising an eyebrow. 

'You do know you're on a pretty bad losing streak, right?' 

'Alright, when _I_ win,' Frankie replied, 'you have to tell me what's going on with you and Maura.' 

'Not gonna happen little bro,' Jane shot back her heart thumping, 'when _I_ win you have to tell Nina I'm not wearing that ridiculous bridesmaid dress.' 

'You're kidding me. You want me to gamble on my wedding?' Frankie asked, 'Nina will kill me.' 

Jane grinned, predatorily, 'so do we have a deal then?'

Frankie considered it. 'Tell you what, if I win you wear the bridesmaid dress and anything else Nina asks you to for the wedding. If you win, you get to choose your own bridesmaid dress _with_ Nina's approval. Win or lose you tell me what's going on with Maura, we can call it the price of admission.' 

'You're on!' Jane replied. 

Frankie checked Jane the ball, Jane sent it back. 'First to 15?' Frankie asked as he dribbled in place. Jane just nodded. Then Frankie was off. Jane played back a bit, giving Frankie space at the moment. Frankie siezed the space to shoot a three-pointer. It arched beautifully, hitting the backboard squarely in the center of the square before falling in to the net.

Jane caught the ball, 'nice shot _junior._ ' She teased Frankie with a smile. 

'Thanks, Janie.' Frankie grinned, 'so you and Maura are...' 

Jane dribbled the ball a few times before checking the ball, 'together?' Jane ventured. 

'Romantically?' Frankie asked throwing the ball back. 

Jane nodded before faking right and driving left. Frankie's recovery was a second too late and Jane drove the ball in for two. 

'Is this recent?' Frankie asked, trying to fit the pieces of the timeline together in his head.

Jane shrugged, 'I guess.' Jane wasn't sure how to define them. Maura seemed to imply they had been together for a while but the specifics were hard to nail down. 

Frankie moved left, dribbling the ball slyly between his legs. He tried to push forward but Jane knocked the ball away. 

'Does she make you happy?' Frankie asked, pausing to catch his breath while Jane set up. 

Jane didn't need to think about it, 'more than anything. Does it bother you?' Jane asked, 'me, being with a woman?' 

Frankie shook his head emphatically, 'not at all. Love is love, right? The Rizzoli's certainly have a type.'

That made Jane chuckle, 'pretty sure Maura is any one's type.' 

The pair got to the business of competing. Frankie did some fancy dribbling to get space for an easy lay up. Jane made a beautiful jump shot from beyond the 3 to tie the game up. 

'Ma know yet?' Frankie asked after they'd been quiet for a bit. 

Jane nodded, 'she doesn't think Maura feels the same.' 

Frankie caught the ball and stared at Jane, 'that's crazy, Janie.' 

'I know,' Jane replied. 

'Maura is crazy about you,' Frankie said. 'She uprooted her whole life to be with you and when you walk in a room, her whole face lights up.' 

'You mean like yours does around Nina?' Jane teased softly. 

Frankie's features went all soft. Jane knew something mushy was coming. 'Yeah, _exactly_ like that.' Jane grinned. It was good to see Frankie so happy. 'Think it's the catholic guilt?' Frankie asked, 'with Ma, I mean.' 

Jane shrugged and grabbed the ball to get the game going again. 'Dunno.' 

'She'll come around,' Frankie murmurred. The pair jostled back and forth, neither able to walk away with a score. After Jane landed on her ass and Frankie missed his shot the pair called for a water break. 

'Are you gonna tell Pa?' Frankie asked, gulping down more water. 

'If he ever calls,' Jane offered. 

'You sure that's a good idea? He didn't really like Maura.' 

Jane shook her head, her eyes fierce. 'Maura is non-negotiable. If he wants to be a part of my life, he has to figure it out.' 

'If that's the way you wanna play it,' Frankie offered, 'then I'm with you.' 

'You heard anything from him? How's his treatment going?' Jane asked, tentatively. 

Frankie shrugged, 'last I heard, he was doing okay.' 

Jane nodded. They'd forgiven their father for a lot of things over the last few years. Jane certainly didn't want him to die but it would be a very long time before talking about Frank Rizzoli Senior was comfortable. 'So,' Jane asked with a grin as she headed back to the court, 'caught any interesting cases lately?' 

Another 20 minutes of playing lead to Jane eeking out the narrowest win. Frankie had sighed and admitted defeat, promising he'd talk to Nina. Jane had told him to just try. If Holiday _really_ wanted her in an atrocious dress complete with puffs and bows, Jane would do it. Jane also _really_ hoped she was right in thinking Nina couldn't care less about what the bridesmaids wore as long as Frankie was waiting for her at the end of the aisle. 

* * *

Maura tried to stay in bed after Jane left. She really did. She considered forcing herself to stay there just so she could make Jane follow through on her promise to snuggle more but then she thought about Jane being sweaty, which lead to her thinking about making Jane sweaty, and well... then Maura needed a cold shower. They hadn't even gone on their first date yet. Not that Maura was opposed to sex. Not at all. Jane, however, was more sensitive to the topic. Maura wanted to respect that. Wanted to make sure that Jane was completely comfortable and consenting before anything happened. The cold shower helped. Remembering the feeling of Jane kissing her bare shoulder did not. Maura decided to lean in to it, a kind of exquisite torture. 

Downstairs, Maura was half way through breakfast when Jane came home. Maura felt a blush blossom in her cheeks. She'd seen post work-out Jane but in the context of their conversation this morning it was a mind warping view. Maura was grateful that Jane called out a quick hello and headed straight up the stairs, two at a time, to take a shower. Maura refused to let her brain think about Jane in the shower. She drew a firm line around it and shoved the thought away from her. She was Doctor Maura Isles, a professional human, a rational scientist. She refused to let her more carnal desires to govern her. At least, not until it was a mutually agreed upon experience, her brain thought back traitorously. 

A tap on the back door stopped Maura's mental debate. Maura moved a barking Boston aside and opened the door to see Angela standing there. 

'Angela,' Maura said, 'please, come in.' Maura fought the desire to be petty and resentful toward the older woman. 

'I was going to offer to make breakfast,' Angela spoke hopefully, 'before you girls leave.' 

Maura stepped back to let the older woman in, 'I've already eaten but I am certain Jane would appreciate it. Can I get you some coffee?' 

'Please,' Angela replied. 

Maura poured her a cup, fixing it the way she liked it, setting it before her before settling back in her seat. Maura watched the older woman take a sip of it before she busied herself making breakfast. 'Jane always talks how much she misses your blueberry pancakes.' Maura offered quietly. 

Angela gave Maura a small smile before she began assembling the ingredients for pancakes. Jane did love her pancakes but Maura was the one who loved blueberry pancakes. It was a tiny admission but an important one. 'Should I make you a few too honey?' 

Maura sighed looking at her half finished parfait. She supposed she could indulge a bit, 'that would be lovely.' Maura pushed the uneaten food away, sipping on her tea. 

It took Angela mere minutes to have a pair of pancakes on a plate for Maura. The blueberries were laid out in a heart and a smiley face. Angela put them in front of Maura. Then in a soft murmur Angela said, 'I hate when you're mad at me, Maura.' 

Maura looked away from the older woman, willing her emotions to be calm. When she could trust her voice, Maura whispered back, 'I hate being mad at you.' 

Angela blinked back tears and nodded, 'it wasn't a very good weekend for the two of us, was it?' 

Maura sighed, picking up her fork, she twirled it softly in her hand. 'No, it wasn't.' 

'Is there anything I can do to fix that?' Angela asked. Silence greeted her question. Maura turned her face away from Angela. Angela turned to give the younger woman some emotional space to process, putting a few more pancakes on. Silence was hard for her but she's known Maura long enough to know it was what Maura needed. 

'Why am I not good enough for Jane, Angela?' Maura asked. Her voice brimming with emotion. 

Angela whirled to look at the younger woman who was deliberately looking anywhere but at her. 'Maura,' Angela began to respond. The younger woman shook her head, stopping Angela's next words. 

'I understand, I am not what you wanted for your daughter. I'm not male and I cannot impregnate her but,' Maura took a ragged breath, 'I love her. I take care of her. I make her happy. What, exactly, do I have to do to win your approval?' 

Angela hung her head, feeling ashamed. 'Maura,' Angela began, 'I'm so sorry I've made you feel that way.' Angela took a deep breath, fighting the urge to cry, 'I didn't know how you felt. I thought,' Angela let out a small hiccup, 'I thought Jane was alone in her feelings. I thought she was devoting her whole life to you but that you were just going along.' Angela swiped angrily at the tears on her cheek, 'you love my Janie?' 

Maura met her eyes then, 'more than anything.' It was spoken with a soft resolve. Undeniable but comforting. 

Angela smiled and whispered, 'oh sweet heart!' Angela had to resist the urge to hug Maura. 'That makes me so happy. You don't have to do anything to win approval. Just keep loving my girl.' 

Maura shook her head, 'I'm not Frank you know. Just because I'm rational doesn't mean I don't have feelings.' 

Angela gasped. She turned to flip her now slightly overcooked pancakes. She spoke quietly, 'I don't know what to say.' 

'That is what you meant when you said heart people and head people can hurt each other? Right? That you were a heart person and Frank was a head person. That's what you blame for your divorce?' Maura could be so painfully clueless but she was observant. Angela always underestimated her in that. Angela considered the accusation as she poured two new pancakes. She wasn't sure she had a response. 

'I'm not Frank,' Maura said it again quietly, 'Frank hid his emotions, ashamed of how they made him feel. He drank and gambled and goodness knows what else.' Maura took a breath before continuing, 'I might get confused by my emotions but I express them. I do my best to show and tell Jane exactly what she means to me, every chance I get.' 

Angela flipped her pancakes considering her ex-husband. Maura was right, of course. Frank did have emotions. He bottled them up until they exploded in some unhealthy fashion or another. Maura wasn't perfect but she was always honest. 

'I'm sorry Frank hurt you,' Maura said at last, 'and I understand your concerns for Jane. I just... I needed you to know that we're on the same team. We both want what's best for Jane. I hope, maybe, one day, you can see that.' The clinking of silverware on a plate filled the silence. Angela smiled when she heard Maura sigh, 'god, I've missed these.' Angela's eyes misted over. She knew they probably had a ways to go to repair the damage that Angela had done that weekend but that was okay. Angela would happily make as many blueberry pancakes as it would take. 

Jane came bounding down the stairs, 'is that blueberry pancakes I smell?' Angela watched Maura's face light up as her daughter pressed a warm kiss to her cheek. The weight of their conversation disappearing under a look of adoration so strong, Angela wondered how she had missed it before. 'Maura spent every weekend trying to recreate your pancakes Ma. She said they never quite turned out right.' 

Maura blushed and didn't meet Angela's eye, 'yes, well, you'll have to teach me your secret recipe some time.' 

Angela beamed, 'it's no secret dear. I put an extra bit of love in yours so they taste extra sweet.' 

Maura gave her a look full of gratitude and adoration. Maybe, one day, Angela might feel worthy of it again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pretty much exhuasted my limited basketball knowledge here. Sorry if I made any mistakes or messed it up! 
> 
> Also please don't hate me for the Angela whiplash, mmmmkay?!
> 
> A big thank you to all of you who have read, kudosed, and commented. You guys bring so much joy to my day! :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave Maura's publisher an easter egg name but this is NOT a crossover.

Jane sighed and tapped her fingers against the steering wheel. Holiday traffic sucked. They had left at exactly the same time as every one else, apparently. They'd been in the car for two hours already and they still hadn't left Boston. 

'Would you like me to drive?' Maura asked, making Jane jump. Maura had been reading in the seat beside her for what felt like forever. Jane had thought her oblivious to the world. 

'Nah,' Jane fiddled with the radio dial. She had turned it off when the commercial breaks and radio hosts had started irritating her. Maybe they'd be playing actual music now. 'I'm good.' 

'I could entertain you.' Maura offered casually. 

Jane gave Maura her patented Rizzoli smirk, 'oh yeah? How?' 

Maura blushed, 'I could uh-.'

'Wow,' Jane said mockingly, 'you didn't even have a single suggestion ready.' 

'I could tell you about the paper I was reading. It was quite fascinating.' 

'Were there multiple four syllable words in the title?' Jane asked as she merged in to the next lane. 

'Lane switching is proven to be statistically ineffective in high traffic situations. It also drastically increases the liklihood of an accident.' 

'Only if you do it wrong,' Jane shot back, 'it's all about making the transition seamless. Dammit!' Jane said as the lane crawled to a halt. Jane lay her forehead on the steering wheel in distress. 

'We could play one of your road trip games,' Maura offered. 'The license plate game I believe you called it.' 

'Mmmh-mmmh,' Jane said as she rolled her neck, 'next?' 

Maura thought about it for a moment, 'we could talk about our date.' 

Jane perked up at that, 'ooooh yes! Where should I take you?' Jane let out an infectious grin. 

'Take me?' Maura asked, _'excuse you_ , I asked you on a date. I believe that makes it _my_ responsibility to _take_ you.' 

'Even better!' Jane retorted, 'no planning on my end.' 

'I have a few ideas but do you have anything in particular you'd like to do?' Maura asked, her voice sounding almost shy. 

Jane thought about it. What did one do on a date with Maura Isles? Eat at five star restaurants and rent a box at some opera probably. Jane wanted Maura to enjoy herself on their date but she wasn't sure she could do the whole rich and fancy thing. It was bad enough when Jane had to attend fundraisers with Maura. 'I think I want to keep it low key. Nothing too fancy.' 

Maura chuckled, 'so you don't want to wear a dress?' 

Jane shrugged, feeling surprisingly vulnerable about it, 'not really. Is that okay?' 

'Of course it is!' Maura replied immediately reaching out a hand to touch Jane's forearm, 'I want you to be comfortable on our date.' 

'I want you to have fun too,' Jane admitted, 'so I'm okay with dressing up _a little_ to go to whatever new restaurant you've been dying to try.'

'How chivalrous,' Maura said with a smile. 

'I thought so!' Jane smirked. 

'So dinner and an activity?' Maura asked. 

'Sounds great,' Jane said, 'honestly Maura? It doesn't really matter what we do, so long as we're doing it together I'll have fun.' 

'Me too Jane,' Maura replied softly.

And just like that, another twelve hours in the car with Maura really didn't seem that bad. 

* * *

Maura clicked on another page of shoes absentmindedly, lost in thought. She had told Jane she wanted to plan their date, and she did. She did ask, it was only proper that she plan it. The problem was that it was her _first_ date with Jane. If it had been just some random human passing on the street, Maura could have wined and dined them in an instant. She would take them somewhere incredible, treat them to the best food, the best chefs in all of Virginia. She'd buy them the best wine available. She would wear something beautiful and sexy. This wasn't just any human though. It was Jane, her Jane. She wanted their first date to be special, to be unforgettable. After all, if Maura had it her way, neither of them would ever have a first date again. 

She had considered taking Jane to a Nationals game, hoping the timing would work that they would be playing Boston, but it was not to be. One more reason you should have waited to ask her until we had a plan, her brain supplied snappily. She had looked briefly in to how much it would cost to rearrange the baseball schedule but her inquiries were met with confusion and less than polite refusal. Maura had, however, bought season tickets for the following year so they could attend any and every game that Jane wanted. 

Maura had also considered renting out a restaurant, a horse drawn carriage, rock climbing, a tour of the white house, a weekend get away, private piloting lessons. If it was within a three hour drive, Maura had probably considered it. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt special enough. She knew what Jane would say, what Jane _had_ said. That she was putting too much pressure on this date, that it would be special regardless. She knew that Jane was theoretically right. 

Her phone rang, interrupting her thinking. 'Dr. Isles,' Maura answered automatically. 

'Dr. Isles, please hold for Margaret Tate,' came the fresh young voice of her editor's assisstant. 

'Very well,' Maura replied kindly. Maragret Tate was the best editor in the United States, possibly even the world. It was why Maura worked with her. She was not, however, a people person. Maura could cope with that, respect it even. The phone clicked as the transfer went through. 

'Dr. Isles?' Margaret's voice came through, 'how are you doing?''

'I'm doing well, how are you?' 

'Excellent, excellent,' Margaret said, 'listen your book is already picking up traction. I've had several requests for interviews with you. How would you feel about expanding your book tour?' 

Maura blinked, 'expanding it how?' 

'I've emailed you a schedule. You'd fly to New York on Friday. We've set up several radio interviews to be recorded in our studio. We have you on several additional morning talk shows. I should tell you, you stand a decent chance of making it on the best sellers list.' 

'That's great news Margaret but I'm not sure I can leave that soon.' Maura replied even while her stomach churned. Her date! 

'Dr. Isles, were you aware that on a yearly basis there are nearly 2.2 million new books published? Hundreds of thousands of those are in the United States. A few hundred of those become best sellers and of those only a handful have the capacity to capture the cultural zeitgeist. You have the opportunity to do that Dr. Isles. You and your book have the opportunity to make America read again.' 

'I understand Margaret but I am a doctor, I have a clinic and patients. Can we not fit all of those interviews in to the six weeks we already have allotted?' 

Margaret listened politely before responding, 'I'm afraid not. Some of these shows are notoriously difficult to land a spot on. It's now or never, Dr. Isles.' 

Maura sighed, 'can I give you an answer in 24 hours? Let me see what I can do.' 

'Of course Dr. Isles. You have my number. Have a good day!' Margaret hung up without waiting for a reply. 

Maura pulled up the email from Margaret, reviewing the itinerary. Six weeks had turned in to twelve and the number of interviews had more than doubled. She would be stopping in almost every major city, though the majority of her time was spent on the East Coast. Two weekends were in Boston, one was in D.C. Maura closed her computer in frustration. 

She wanted to do the tour. She certainly wanted her book to do well. She didn't exactly want to spend 12 weeks travelling and away from home, away from Jane. Maura sighed. She _didn't_ want to miss her date. Maura grabbed the dog leashes and went for a walk. Maybe she'd find the answer somewhere along the way. A compromise between her hurting heart and her demanding brain.

* * *

Jane came home to the sight of her favorite take-out on the counter. Maura popped a beer and set it on the counter, her own glass of wine on the counter. 'This is nice!' Jane said with a smile, 'what's the occasion?' 

Maura flinched, her eyes averting, 'we need to talk.' 

'Oh,' Jane spoke quietly, trying to brace herself, 'so not good news then.' 

'I,' Maura began, her voice breaking slightly, 'I have to-' Maura took a deep breath and started again. 'I have to ca-cancel our date.' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! In my defense, I did call it a slow burn!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Maura treats a child who is a victim of abuse and sexual abuse.

'I have to ca-cancel our date,' Maura got out at last. Maura felt ill, physically nauseaous. Everything inside of her screaming she was doing the wrong thing. 

'Oh,' Jane said, grabbing the take out container and pouring food on to her plate, 'sure. Yeah. Did you get called in for a shift at the clinic?' Jane shovelled some of the noodles in to her mouth, 'cause I don't mind rescheduling. Saturday is fine too.' 

Maura couldn't meet Jane's eyes, 'I'm afraid I can't reschedule.' 

'Why not?' Jane asked, setting the food aside. She was starting to worry, really worry. 'What's going on Maura?' A hundred scenarios flashed through Jane's mind, none of them positive. 

'My editor called, she says my book has a chance of becoming a best seller,' Maura began. 

'Maura!' Jane cheered, 'that's amazing! I told you, your book was great!' 

'She wants me to extend my book tour,' Maura replied quietly, 'I fly to New York Friday.' 

'Wow Maura!' Jane said in wonder, 'wow! This is a big deal. Why aren't you more excited?'

'It's twelve weeks Jane,' Maura replied dully, 'and I have to miss our date.' 

'Right, I get that,' Jane replied sounding confused, 'and twelve weeks is a really long time but how many authors write a best seller on their first book? Come on Maura! This is big! It's huge! It's the lifetime of an opportunity! You can date me any old time.' 

Maura could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes. Of course Jane was cheering for her. That's who Jane was, Maura's biggest cheerleader. But, Maura had to admit, it hurt that Jane wasn't the least bit worried about her having to cancel their first date. Wasn't she excited? Didn't she feel that rush of endorphins every time she thought about it? 'Well forgive me if I don't feel excited about missing our first date!' Maura replied, her voice betraying the hurt she felt. 

'Woah!' Jane said, coming around the Island to grab Maura's shoulders, 'you're upset, why are you upset? It's not like we haven't gone out to eat before.' The tears started falling thick and heavy now, Maura buried herself in Jane's shirt. She meant to answer, meant to explain, but her throat was tight and burning. She couldn't force a sound. 'Maur,' Jane said softly rubbing Maura's back in a calming motion, 'you're gonna have to help me out here. I'm not getting it. What's wrong?' Jane stood patiently rubbing Maura's back, trying to puzzle out the problem. Maura, for her part, oscillated between being comforted, being hurt and being angry. 'If you could just give me a clue....' Jane posited. 

Maura sighed, pulling away from Jane. So maybe Jane didn't feel the same way Maura did about their date. Maybe she wasn't as excited. That's fine. Maybe Jane just wasn't as convinced of them as Maura was. That's fine. Maura willed herself to believe it. Built it into an armor to face the world with. She was fine and if Jane Rizzoli wasn't heart broken over missing their first date than neither was Maura. Maura wiped at her face. 'You're right Jane, this is wonderful news. I'm just ill prepared at all. If you'll excuse me, I need to freshen up.' And then Maura was gone, disappearing up the stairs, Boston at her heels. 

Jane's eyes widened. Maura had used her polite-professional voice. The one that told her Maura was as close to lying as she could get. It had been ages since Jane had the polite professional voice. Maura never lied to Jane. That she was doing so now... baffled Jane. Jane looked down at Berry, 'what just happened, huh girl?' Berry quirked her head to the side and yipped. 'I don't know either,' Jane said bending down to scratch her dogs ears, 'whatever it was, we messed up big.' 

* * *

Jane sighed as she found herself alone, again, for the second morning in a row. Maura had texted her, her planned running route and left convieniently before Jane woke. Jane scowled at her bowl of cereal, all Jane wanted was to spend every possible moment together before Maura left. For. Twelve. Long. Weeks. Jane pushed the bowl aside, no longer hungry and went upstairs to get ready. 

Maura frowned at the half-eaten bowl of cereal on the island. Jane hadn't eaten a full meal in almost 36 hours. She was tempted to check in but a well placed whine from Boston reminded her that she was supposed to be caring less about Jane. Or at least, she was supposed to be playing it cool. 

Jane came bounding down the stairs as Maura was finishing her water. She looked put together to the untrained eye, but Maura could see the dark haired woman was bothered. Her eyebrows were knitted together, her mouth turned down at the corners, the way she chewed her cheek. She glanced at Maura, grabbing her keys she bounced them in one hand, uncertain. 

'I know you're mad at me but do you think you'll be home for dinner?' Jane asked, her voice was hesitant, searching. 

'If my shift at the clinic doesn't run late,' Maura replied, going for casual. 

Jane nodded, bouncing her keys again, 'sure, it's just... it's our last night together before your trip and I'd really like to spend it with you. Just... think about it... okay?' 

Maura wanted to say that of course she'd be there, that of course Jane was her priority. That Maura didn't want to spend a single second not with Jane. She settled for, 'okay.'

Jane nodded again, gave both dogs a pet and then left. Maura spent the morning feeling frustrated at the limited space her luggage provided and saddened by the emptiness of her drawers in comparison to Jane's full ones. She was grateful when it came time for her to head to the clinic. At least at the clinic, she didn't have to think about Jane. 

Most of Maura's patients were simple enough. A few wellness checks for pregnant mothers, a handful of check ups for kids with varying colds, and two sets of stitches. One in a kid who had fallen off their bike and the other for a middle aged man who had taken a fall. The kid was calmer about it. Maura had one patient left to see before clocking out. Maura read the intake chart the nurse had taken. 

_Sarah Smith, 6 y.o._

_38.2 lbs, 109.8 cm_

_Complaints: Unknown, Mother wants to talk to doctor_

Maura hummed, 'Alyson?'

'Yes, Dr. Isles?' Alyson asked looking up from her computer. 

'Do you have anything further on Sarah Smith? Did she look sick, injured?' 

Alyson sighed, 'the mother, Mary Smith, insisted on speaking only with you Doc. The kid looks okay. Nothing visibly wrong other than slight malnutrition. She isn't in the cleanest condition but she's clothed.' 

Maura frowned, working in a free clinic often meant her patients were poorer than the average human, often living in shelters, cars and on the street. Malnutrition was par for the course, though no easier to see. 'And the mother?' 

Alyson hesitated a moment before shrugging, 'she seemed nervous, maybe a tad rude. I don't envy you.' 

That also wasn't uncommon. Doctors made people nervous and nerves could certainly bring out the worst in others. 'Very well, I'm going in now. Thank you Alyson.' Maura smiled at her nurse. The woman was competent, efficient, and remarkably kind. MEND was fortunate to have someone like Alyson, who could gentle even the grumpiest patients and navigate even the gnarliest of red-tape knots to get their patients the support they needed.

'Let me know if you need anything Doc!' Alyson said with a reassuring smile. 

'Hello, I'm Dr. Isles,' Maura said cheerily as she entered the exam room. Maura hadn't been practicing medicine on living humans for long but she did her best to strike a reassuring bedside manner. 

On the exam table sat a small girl with mousey brown hair and brown eyes. The girls hair was greasy and tangled but the clothes she wore, while loose, were clean. The mother paced the small room, her hair the same brown color. Her eyes, blue, darted around the room. She too wore loose ill fitting clothes, a dark black/brown jacket over them. 

'Finally!' Mary Smith said, 'I'd like to talk to you. _Privately._ '

'Of course,' Maura replied, 'let me just call the nurse to sit with Sarah.' Maura tried to smile at the young girl but she refused to look at Maura. It took Maura only a moment to retrieve Alyson from the nurses station. 

'Be good, my girl,' Mary said softly, placing a tender kiss on her daughter's head. Maura noticed the girl didn't respond to that either.

'I apologize Mrs. Smith but all of our exam rooms are full. We will have to talk in the hall,' Maura offered as the woman followed her out of the room. 

'That's okay doctor,' Mary Smith said, 'my daughter is hurt. I didn't know where else to take her. I don't have any money.' 

'I'm glad you brought her in,' Maura replied with a smile, 'that's exactly what we are here for. As a free clinic, you won't be charged for this visit.' 

'Good, good,' Mary Smith said, 'and you'll take care of her?' 

'I will do everything within my power, yes,' Maura replied honestly. 'If you could just tell me what's wrong.' 

'Sarah is my eldest,' the other woman said softly, 'she ain't one of my husbands. Lately, that's been a problem.'

Maura felt her stomache drop, 'I'm afraid I'm going to need more information than that Mrs. Smith.' 

'He hurts her Doc,' Mary said, her voice surprisingly calm for such an atrocious statement, 'says she gotta pay her way in his household. I've tried to stop him but he don't listen to me.' The woman shrugged her shoulders as if to say these things happen. 

'Mrs. Smith are you saying your husband abuses your daughter?' Maura replied, clarifying. Mrs. Smith nodded. 'Well I'm glad you came to us. We can help get you, Sarah, and all your children in to a safe place where your husband won't find you.'

Mary shook her head, 'nah, me and the other kids are fine. My husband is a good man, a good father. He don't hurt the other youngin's.' 

Maura fought her repulsion, victims of abuse often felt endeared to their abusers. Maura wanted to help, not judge. 'Mrs. Smith, I am a mandated reporter. I am legally required to report any claims or suspicions of abuse. Unless you agree to leave your husband, it is unlikely Sarah will be able to go home with you tonight.' 

'I'm aware,' Mary said dryly, 'I don't know what else to do Doc. I can't let him keep hurting her and I can't leave him.' 

'I know leaving your husband can be difficult but I assure you, MEND has the resources to help you.' 

'Maybe,' the woman replied her eyes darting around the hallway, 'but you'll help my girl?' 

'Yes, of course,' Maura replied again. 

'Good. That's good.' Mary Smith said backing away, 'I, uh, gotta pee. Be right back doc.' 

Maura frowned as the woman walked away, something left her unsettled in their conversation. Something beyond the obvious. Maura re-entered the exam room to find Sarah crying and Alyson looking baffled.

'Nurse Lu, would you be so kind as to fetch Sarah's mother from the restroom?' Maura asked. Alyson nodded and left. 

'Now Sarah,' Maura said softly, 'your mother said you are hurt, can you tell me where.' 

'My name's not Sarah,' the little girl replied. 

Maura blinked in surprise, the pieces of the puzzle fitting together in her mind, coming together into a horrfying reality. 'It's not? Then what is your name?' 

The little girl sniffed, wiping at her nose with a sleeve, 'I'm not supposed to say. It will get my family in trouble.' 

Maura frowned. 'Is there a name that you would like me to call you?' The girl shook her head. 'Do you have a favorite character from a show or a book or maybe a movie?' Maura asked again. The little girl shrugged. 'How about a favorite color?' Another head shake. 'What about a favorite animal?' The girl paused before noding her head once. 'Yeah? What is it?' 

'Panda,' the little girl said shyly. 

Maura smiled, 'that's a good choice! We could call you Panda.' The little girl nodded a small smile breaking through her tear stained face, 'did you know that pandas are called cubs?' The girl nodded again. 'Well, that's because you're very smart! Did you know that panda cubs are about as long as this pen when they're born?' Maura held up a pen for the girl to see. The little girl shook her head. 

A knock on the door interrupted them, Alyson peaked in and shook her head. Maura didn't need to ask. She knew that whoever Mary Smith was had disappeared as quickly as she had come. 'Nurse Lu would you start a second chart for our Panda Cub here,' Maura asked gesturing toward the girl who giggled softly. 

'Sure Doc. Want me to call CPS?' 

'Yes, please. Can you also phone Jane and let her know that I won't be able to make it for dinner after all.' 

'You got it. Panda are you hungy? I could bring you something to eat.' 

Panda nodded, 'Pandas eat bamboo!'

Maura grinned, 'yes they do but they enjoy fruit and other vegetables too. Even eggs sometimes.' 

'They do?' Panda asked her eyes opening wide.

Maura smiled, 'yes, they do.' 

'So,' Alyson ventured, 'maybe an apple and some graham crackers? I think we have some bear shaped crackers.' 

'Yes please,' Panda replied. 

'So Panda,' Maura asked softly, 'can you tell me where it hurts.' The little girl shrugged and pointed to her chest, then her legs. 

Maura nodded. 'And are these big ouches like when you fall down really hard or are they small ouches like when you stub your toe?' 

The little girl thought about it, her feet wiggling on the table, 'some of both I guess. My mama said you were going to make them better.' 

Maura smiled, trying to reassure the girl, 'I'm going to try.' 

'Mama says I have to go to a new home.' Panda said, her little voice breaking. 

'Yes, sweetie,' Maura replied softly, 'you do. Somewhere were they won't hurt you.' 

'Mama left me.' 

Maura's heart broke at that blunt observation, 'yeah, she did, but I'm going to be right here until we get you taken care of, okay Panda Cub?' 

The girl shrugged, ignoring her tears, 'I'm used to being alone.' Maura felt a pang of sympathy. How many times had she said that as a child? 

'Well,' Maura spoke gently, 'maybe I'm the one who needs a new friend. Could you be my friend and stay with me?' 

'What do you need friends for?' Panda asked, her tone sounding slightly disbelieving, 'adults don't need friends.' 

Maura smiled, 'maybe not all adults but _I_ do.' 

Alyson entered the room with a fresh chart and a tray with milk, apple slices and teddy bear graham crackers. 

'So Panda, in order to help your ouches get better, I need to see them. Nurse Lu is going to stay with us and help me as I look, is that okay?' The girl shrugged. 'Can you help us by taking off your clothes or do you need our help?' 

'I can do it,' the girl said. She drew her shirt over her head and then shoved her pants down her legs. 

What Maura saw enfuriated her. The little girls body was a mottle of bruises in varying shades. Maura wanted to hunt down her step father and strangle him. She wanted to pound him so his skin matched hers. Instead, Maura forced her voice to soften, 'ouch panda! Those look like a lot of big ouches.' 

Panda shrugged and began to munch on an apple. 'You get used to it.' 

Alyson had turned away, pretending to write on the chart, but Maura saw her swipe at her face. Maura didn't blame her. 

'Do you know what an x-ray is Panda?' Maura asked. 

'Pictures of my bones!' Panda said proudly. She shoved a few graham crackers in her mouth. 

'That's right. We need to take pictures of all your ouchies and then we need to take some x-rays to see inside of you. Okay?' 

'Can I see them after?' Panda asked. It made Maura chuckle, she had sounded just like Jane. 

'Yes Panda, you can see the x-rays after.' 

The next three hours were nightmarish. Maura documented every bruise, every previous break with painstaking detail. She had to excuse herself after she finished her sexual abuse kit. Maura had seen dead bodies in better condition than this six year old. This living, breathing, panda-loving child who had been tortured and beaten until she was 'used to it.' 

The social worker arrived right around dinner time. She did her own interviews of the three of them, filling out her own paperwork. Alyson and Maura had gotten the girl cleaned up and in to fresh clothes. Maura had ordered the four of them dinner, Panda's choice, and braided the girls hair when she asked. When the social worker began asking for details, Panda buried her face in Maura's chest and cried. She told them about her father hitting her, touching her, hurting her. She told them about her mother's plan to leave her at the clinic. The only thing Panda refused to tell them was her real name. The hardest part had been saying goodbye to Panda. Maura didn't know what would become of the girl, if she was going to a safe home. If she would be alright. Panda had cried for her to keep her, to not send her away, even offering to clean the clinic. Maura would have, in a heart beat, save that pesky red tape. Instead she made the social worker promise to contact her the next day. Maura would make sure her Panda cub didn't slip through the cracks. 

Maura slipped in her front door just before midnight. She closed and locked it, letting the comfort of being home soak in. It was dark, Jane was likely fast asleep but Maura was _home._ She fell to the floor, sobs pouring from her body. Boston found her first, the black and white dog rushed her, trying desperately to climb in her lap and to lick her face. Berry, following Boston, took one look at Maura and began howling. 

Jane came bounding down the stairs, her gun in hand, swinging her body around corners just as she had trained, looking for an intruder. Instead she found Maura, curled on the floor, half wrapped around their dog, sobbing. 

'Maura?' Jane said, falling to her knees beside Maura. 

'Jane!' Maura reached for Jane, pulling her close and holding on with all of her strength. They sat there huddled around each other and their dogs, in the dark entry way. _Home._


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of child abuse, nothing graphic.

Jane was getting soft. As a Detective she could go days on mere naps. Now, her schedule having normalised over her months as an instructor, she was struggling to stay awake at 11 pm. Jane stifled another yawn and changed her position in bed. 

Alyson had called around 6:30 to let Jane know that a complication had occurred with one of their patients and Maura would be home late. Jane had originally thought that Maura was simply making someone else make her excuses but as the hours ticked by, Jane knew Alyson was telling the truth. Even being horribly mad at Jane wouldn't keep the woman out to this hour. Not when she had to catch a flight tomorrow. Not when her suitcases were half packed. Jane sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, just a moment. 

She woke to the sound of Berry in distress, howling downstairs. Jane sat bolt upright. A glance at Maura's side of the bed told her that Maura had not yet made it home. It meant that whatever Berry was barking at was a danger to Maura. Jane armed herself quickly and took off, ducking around corners, looking for the threat while she made her way to Boston. 

What she found broke her heart. Maura had collapsed at the front door, sobs pouring down her face and wracking her body, as Boston tried to climb in to the woman's lap. Jane had gone to her side immediately and was surprised at the way Maura grabbed her, holding on as if Jane was the only thing keeping Maura ashore. It was a desperate, clinging grab. Jane returned the hug with as much strength as she dared. 

Jane didn't know how long it took for Maura to calm down, long enough for Jane's knees to ache and her feet to begin to tingle. Not that it mattered. Jane would have stayed there until dawn if it was what Maura needed. She was, however, grateful when Maura let Jane move her towards the couch. Jane wrapped Maura in her favorite blanket and then dashed off to the kitchen to make Maura her favorite calming tea. When that was finished she returned to find Maura taking deep breaths even as she patted the dogs heads. Each dog had claimed a knee and was staring up at Maura with adoring eyes. Jane had to hide a chuckle, she knew the feeling. 

'Here you go Maura,' Jane said softly handing the tea over before taking a seat beside her. Maura moved automatically, throwing the blanket over Jane's lap as well. As though Maura was insulating the two them against all the bad in the world. 'Difficult patient?' Jane asked, not really sure what to expect. 

Maura nodded, taking a slow sip of her tea, 'child abuse turned child abandonment.' 

Jane winced. Being on the force, Jane had seen some truly horrible things but nothing hurt more than seeing the broken tiny bodies of kids. Jane could only imagine how much worse it was when the kid was still alive, sitting in front of you, expecting you to heal them. 'I'm so sorry Maura,' Jane sat quietly for a moment, 'I'm really glad you were there for them, you know? They needed to have a doctor like you taking care of them.' 

'I couldn't do much,' Maura whispered, 'gave her some pain killers and then handed her off to child protective services while she begged me not to.' 

Jane wrapped an arm around Maura as she began to cry, 'yeah but you got her out of a dangerous situation and you made her feel safe with you. I know it doesn't feel like much but that matters Maura.' 

Maura nodded and laid her head on Jane's shoulder. 'I'm sorry for waking you,' Maura whispered, 'I didn't mean to.' 

Jane pressed a kiss to Maura's head, 'I mean you didn't, Berry did, but it doesn't matter. I wanna be here for you Maura. Even if that means midnight wake ups. If you want me here, I want to be here.'

Silence stretched between them and Jane began to wonder if she said the wrong thing. Then from the silence, Maura's voice was small and soft, 'I always want you here Jane.' 

'Yeah?' Jane asked, 'because you've been really good at avoiding me lately.' 

Maura made a sound that sounded like a cross between a hiccup and a sob, 'I know and I'm sorry.' 

Jane nodded, 'I think I could have coped better if I knew why you were avoiding me. If I pissed you off, I could have apologized. You know?' 

'It seems so stupid now,' Maura replied, 'I was so excited for our date. And you were so supportive and wonderful about my having to leave but it felt like you maybe....' 

'Wasn't excited for our date?' Jane ventured. Maura nodded. 'I'm so sorry sweetheart. I thought I was being supportive. I never want to be the person standing in your way Maura. You're so brilliant. I love it. I want you to always know that I'm right here cheering you on. But I guess what you really needed to hear was that I was really looking forward to our date too. That our personal lives matter to me just as much, if not more than our professional ones.' 

'I'm sorry too, for not telling you what I needed,' Maura replied. 

Jane looked Maura in the eyes, brushing a stray hair behind her ear, 'I love you Maura Dorthea Isles and I am so excited for everything we're doing together. And I promise, I will always be excited for our dates, even if they take a while to come around.' 

Maura offered her a teary smile before whispering, 'I love you too Jane.' 

Jane smiled back. For a moment, just a moment, Jane wondered if she should do it. She wanted to. It felt natural. And then Maura made the choice for her. Maura pressed forward, leaning in to Jane's space. Jane could smell the hints of her perfume, feel the heat of her body. Then their lips met soft and sweet. It was short, too short if you asked Jane, but that didn't make it any less potent. Jane's lips tingled, her whole body humming in pleasure. Jane couldn't resist the smile spreading across her face when she saw the flustered blushing look Maura wore.

'We should definitely do that again,' Jane murmurred before leaning forward and pressing her lips back in to Maura's. It was so different from kissing guys. There was no uncomfortable brush of stubble. No unpleasant chapping. Just soft, sweet, pliant lips. Maura's lips. When Jane pulled away, another lazy smile spread across her lips. 'I'm never kissing any one else ever again,' Jane murmurred. 

Maura chuckled, 'that's fine by me.' 

'Good,' Jane replied. The pair sat in a happy bliss until Maura yawned, making them both laugh. 'Let's get you to bed. You've got a plane to catch in the morning.' 

Maura groaned, 'don't remind me!' But she followed Jane up the stairs anyways. 

Soon after, they settled in to their respective spots in bed, letting that blissful intimacy suffuse the darkness. Maura found her way in to Jane's embrace, leaning her face up for a kiss good night. Jane happily obliged, a plan already forming in the back of her mind. She'd help Maura see exactly how much Jane loved her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones a short one but I really couldn't find a fitting scene to come after their kiss. So short and sweet it is!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maura's book tour: 
> 
> Week 1: NYC/Boston  
> Week 2: Philadelphia/Chicago  
> Week 3: Madison/Minneapolis  
> Week 4: Seattle/Portland OR  
> Week 5: Pheonix/Denver  
> Week 6: Boston/Baltimore  
> Week 7: San Francisco  
> Week 8: Los Angeles  
> Week 9: Los Angeles  
> Week 10: Dallas/Houston  
> Week 11: Atlanta/Miami  
> Week 12: DC

Jane liked kissing Maura. It was probably her new favorite thing in the whole world. Better than that satisfying smack of maple on tightly woven leather amid that perfectly timed swing. Better than that first sip of a cold beer on a Friday night. Better than that first incredible bite of homecooked Italian food. Okay, so kissing Maura was absolutely her new favorite thing. Jane grinned as she walked through the airport. She had walked Maura in, helping with her bags. She had walked with Maura all the way to security. When Maura asked her to leave first, Jane had kissed Maura goodbye and walked away. Afterall, Jane was a woman with a plan to implement. 

Jane hummed as she waited in line at the ticket counter. She played peek a boo with the baby in front of her and grinned at the toddler staring from behind her parent's legs. It had taken some _discreet_ arranging but it would all be worth it. Jane had _discreetly_ called in to work. Then she had _discreetly_ asked their neighbor to watch the dogs for the weekend and then she had _discreetly_ packed a bag and _discreetly_ loaded it in to the trunk behind all of Maura's. Yup, her name should be Jane Discreetly Rizzoli. 

An older gentleman with a bald crown and white hair beckoned her forward, 'Good morning Miss. How may I help you?' 

Jane fished out her wallet and ID. 'Hi, I'd like to buy a ticket to New York please, preferrably landing before this evening.' 

The gentleman took her ID and began to search his computer. After a moment he said, 'I can have you landing by 2:30 this afternoon.' 

Jane grinned, 'that's perfect!' 

'Would you like to book a return trip as well or will this be one way?' 

'Can I fly back sometime Sunday evening?' 

The man spent a moment typing. 'I can have you on a returning flight landing at 6 pm or at 10:30 pm.' 

'The 10:30 please,' Jane said with a smile. 

'Are you a member with us?' The man asked. Jane nodded and provided the account details. 'Very well, Miss Rizzoli, I see you have enough miles to cover this trip. Would you like to use your miles or would you prefer to pay in some other way?' 

'The miles are fine,' Jane answered. Thank the Lord Maura had a bajillion miles. 

'Very well, is there anything else I can do to assisst you Miss Rizzoli?' the man asked. Jane shook her head and the man handed over her ID and boarding pass. 'Have a wonderful day!'

Jane glanced at the ticket in her hand. She had a few hours to kill in the airport but that was fine. She grinned as she headed back to the car. She'd move to long term parking and grab her bag. Jane hummed happily. She was going to blow Maura's socks off, or... heels... because Maura. 

* * *

Maura Isles was _not_ an emotional sap. She was not someone to be found standing crying in an airport alone. It was a near thing, her lip quivered and her eyes self lubricated, as Jane walked away but she refused to allow anything more. Maura wasn't sure if the kiss had helped or hurt. Maura wanted to stay forever in that kiss. To share a thousand more like it and it wasn't even that intense of a kiss. A chaste goodbye at best but it did make leaving hard. That was why she asked Jane to leave first. Sometimes it was easier to be the one left than it was to be the one leaving. 

Maura tugged at her blazer, adjusted her watch and stepped in line. With each step, Maura began to morph in to Dr. Isles. Maura pushed away from her personal self, personal feelings, personal life and slipped in to Dr. Isles, the consumate professional. Maura thought of it like switching outfits. 'Maura' was for friends and family. 'Maur' was just Jane's. Dr. Isle's was for everyone else. By the time Maura handed over her boarding pass and ID, Maura felt completely settled in her role and ready to face the world one interview at a time. 

When Maura reached her gate, Maura called the social worker from the night before and left a voicemail. She hadn't been expecting an answer, the social worker had been out as late as she had, probably later. Still, Maura wanted to know everything she could, as soon as she could. She also texted Jane.

_'Made it to the gate. I miss you already. Give the girls my love!'_

It didn't take long for Jane to text back. She was probably stuck in traffic. 

_'Miss you too Maur! It won't be too long! I'll see you in Philly! Cheesestakes on me!'_

Maura scrunched her nose. Every Philly Cheesestake she had ever had, had taken offense to her gastrointestinal system. Maura wasn't sure that even a week apart would be enough to get her to eat another one. Maura shot a text back. 

_'Perhaps we should meet in Baltimore instead.'_

Maura got a two word answer back. 

_'Lol. No.'_

Maura sighed and slipped her phone back in to her purse. Maura took a sip of the tea she had picked up and watched the airport around her until the attendants called for her boarding group. The flight and car ride from the airport had been short and uneventful. Maura unpacked her things as quickly as possible before heading out to find some lunch. She had researched some vegetarian and vegan options in close proximity to her hotel she was excited to try. After lunch she met up at her editors office. 

'Dr. Isles,' a polite and kind looking man greeted her, 'hello I'm Andrew Paxton. Margaret asked me to apologize on her behalf, she was called away on family business.' 

'Mr. Paxton, pleasure to meet you,' Maura replied holding out a hand in greeting.

Andrew shook it and smiled, 'Andrew please, you say Mr. Paxton and I start looking for my father. Margaret said that you were to record a couple of studio interviews. Have you ever used a recording studio before?'

Maura liked the man, he was polite and direct. 'Well please call me Maura then. I have not used a recording studio although I am familiar with some of the software that overlaps with my recordings for autopsies.' 

The man paled a bit though not nearly as much as Maura usually saw. 'That's right, you're a forensic analyst.' 

'Was. I've stepped away to write and do some volunteer work.' Maura replied following as the man lead her down to a hallway. 

'That's admirable Maura,' Andrew said with a smile, 'so here's the studio. I have a sound tech on the other side of this room. They will help you balance your levels, make sure you aren't getting any unfortunate feedback, the whole nine yards. You will be given a list of questions at the start of each interview but the interviewers may stray outside those. Just do your best to point your answers back to your book. We want it to feel natural and conversational. You and I will, of course, go over the final interview edit to ensure everything sounds good and isn't taken out of context. Any questions?' 

Maura peered inside the empty room with a table, a head set, and a microphone. 'How personal will these questions be and how personally should I respond to them?' 

Andrew smiled reassuringly, 'beyond asking a bit about you and your interests, they shouldn't get too personal. You should feel free to share whatever you're comfortable with.'

Maura nodded, 'very well. I should warn you I am expecting an emergency call for one of my patients this afternoon so I may need to take an unexpected pause.' 

'We'll do our best to work around it,' Andrew said with a smile. Then he was gone, heading back for the elevator. Maura entered the room and took a seat. She slipped the head phones on and listened as the sound tech began talking. 

'Hello Dr. Isles. My name is Sonja. We are going to do a sound check, can you please tell us about your day.' 

Maura had never been good at small talk but she did her best. After several painful minutes, the tech told her she could stop. 

'That's perfect Dr. Isles. Now I'm going to patch through the interviews as they call in but if you need to pause or go to the bathroom or whatever, please let me know. I'll be listening and adjusting the whole time but you shouldn't be able to hear me.' 

'Thank you Sonja.' 

The next thing Maura heard was the sound of a phone ringing in her ears. Maura spoke when she heard the distinctive click of it being answered, 'Hello, this is Dr. Isles.' 

* * *

Vincent, Vinnie, Russo was troubled. He took a long draft of his drink hoping he would find an answer at the bottom of this bottle, even if the last four hadn't. Vinnie was a good man, a good father. He provided for his family. He fed them, clothed them, housed them. All he asked for in return was a little respect and that was the problem. His wife didn't respect him. She had directly disobeyed him. Then she had lied. Vinnie had been forced to use his fists to get her to tell him the truth. That was just plain wrong. He was the husband. She was the wife. When he asked a question, he expected her to answer him the first time. 

Vinnie stared at the glass bottom of his drink. People were going to be asking questions now. _That_ was a problem. He signalled the barkeep for another. He sighed. He knew his rights, knew what he was due as the head of his household. The idea that someone, any one, could try to mess with those rights... that they would challenge _his_ authority churned his stomach. Mia had given him the information he needed and now it was up to Vinnie to make it right. He would show his wife and the world that his word was law. He would show them what a man's role was and one stuck up she-doc wasn't going to stop him. He would show the world how corrupt the system was. He was the leader of his family and if he played his cards right, he would show the world what a leader looked like. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you! This fic now has 5,000+ views and 100+ subscribers and honestly I'm amazed! Thank you guys for reading and providing feedback! You guys make this such a rewarding thing!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise second chapter for the day! Felt bad for missing this weekend and then posting such an ominous post. So enjoy the fluff.

Jane landed in New York at 2:35 pm. She stepped out of the airport shortly after 3:30 pm. Jane pulled up a copy of Maura’s itinerary, feeling grateful that Maura so detail oriented. Maura was currently in some recording booth probably making small talk. That made Jane chuckle. Maura hated small talk. Jane could meet her there. Could be waiting in the lobby for her when she came out but that sounded incredibly boring. Jane also didn’t really want to have to explain who she was and why she was in the lobby of some random book publisher’s lobby for hours. Jane debated going to the hotel and trying to charm her way into Maura’s room. That too sounded complicated. Jane decided she would just keep her bag with her and she’d surprise Maura just before dinner.

Jane spent most of the afternoon sight seeing all the places she didn’t think Maura would want to see.Jane had no doubt the pair would be touring some museum of art, culture, history or other boring topics this weekend and Jane would probably love every minute of it. Maura was making her all _cultured._ Jane’s first stop was for a street hot dog, with extra toppings. Maura would probably have cited a long list of health code violations before refusing to eat there. Jane just happily scarfed the New York delicacy down.

When it came close to dinner time, Jane found her way to Maura’s hotel, grabbing a bouquet of violet’s for Maura. Jane used the public restroom to change in to her best non-dress outfit before going to the hotel bar. She settled at a table within line of site of the lobby and then texted Maura.

_‘Hey. How’s it going? You almost done for the day? Ready for dinner?’_

Then Jane waited, one eye the bar TV playing some sports docu-series and the other on the lobby. It was possible that Maura would walk in before she saw Jane’s text. Jane’s phone dinged.

_‘Just finishing up. I’m famished but I wish I were home having dinner with you instead.’_

Jane smiled and shot back, _‘yeah? What are you in the mood for? I’d take you anywhere you wanted to go.’_

The response was entirely Maura. _‘I fail to see the relevance of that. I’m not there.’_

Jane couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled out, _‘okay. Then tell me where you want to go to dinner in New York. I know you have a list of places to try. Where are you going to go tonight?’_

Silence stretched between them and Jane switched back to her show. Maura would get back to her when she could. Ten minutes later, Jane’s phone dinged. _‘I don’t know. I might just order room service. It seems easier.’_

Jane grinned, seeing her opportunity, _‘aw come on Maura! It’s your first night in NYC. You have to go out. At least eat in the hotel bar!’_

_‘Very well but I’ll have you know I’m doing it under protest.’_

Jane grinned. _‘Let me know when you get there. I want to see some proof!’_

_‘I am walking in to the lobby now.’_

Jane looked up and there she was walking through the door. Jane couldn’t help her smile. God she loved this woman so much. Jane knew it was a matter of seconds, not minutes, before Maura noticed her. She held still, waiting for that inevitable moment when their eyes met and Maura’s mouth would drop open in surprise.

* * *

_‘_ _Let me know when you get there. I want to see some proof!’_

Maura sighed as she rounded the corner to the hotel. She had agreed to go to the hotel bar for Jane but all she really wanted was to go to her room, sink in to a bubble bath and drink some wine. Was she having a self-pity party? Yes. Did she particularly care? No.

 _‘I am walking in to the lobby now.’_ Maura sent back. She supposed if she went straight to the bar she could eat quickly and disappear to her room with plenty of time left for a bath. Maura slipped her phone in to her purse and then looked up as she entered the bar.

Sitting in front of her wearing the widest grin sat Jane Rizzoli. _Her Jane Rizzoli._ The world closed in around Maura until Jane was the single piece of data that Maura’s eyes could perceive. Her body moved without conscious thought. ‘Jane,’ Maura whispered. By the time Maura’s feet reached her,Jane was already standing and pulling her in to a giant hug.

‘Surprise!’ Jane whispered in that perfect gravelled tone that Maura loved so deeply. Maura buried her face in Jane’s neck and simply held on.

‘I can’t believe you’re here right now,’ Maura whispered, ‘you’re here. Really here. With me. In New York.’

‘Yup,’ Jane affirmed, ‘I really hate it when people cancel dates with me especially for silly reasons like being out of town.’

That broke the tension, making Maura chuckle as she pulled away. ‘You’re crazy, you know that right?’

’That’s the word on the street.’ Jane said with a shrug and a smirk. ‘So what do you say Dr. Isles? Will you go on a fabulous New York date with me?’

Maura pretended to think about it, ‘hmmm I suppose I could be convinced to join you but it will cost you and I’m afraid it will not come cheap.’

Jane groaned, ‘yes Maura, I promise to go with you to whatever educational thing you want to see.’ Jane rolled her eyes.

Maura laughed, ‘well that’s a a nice promise but that wasn’t what I was going to ask for!’

‘Oh,’ Jane replied, ‘what did you want then?’

‘I want a kiss,’ Maura replied with her own sly smirk.

Jane blushed, her cheeks turning an impressive shade of red. Never the less, she leaned forward and gave Maura a soft and sweet kiss hello. When she pulled away Maura smiled boldly at her.

‘I suppose I will join you for whatever festivities you have planned,’ Maura said.

‘Great!’ Jane said, then her brow furrowed, ‘except I sorta don’t have anything planned beyond this.’

Maura laughed again, ‘I know a place. Certainly better than that street dog you probably ate earlier.’

That made Jane chuckle. ‘Well lead on, Dr. Isles,’ as Jane got up she began to follow Maura, only to have to turn back for her suitcase, ‘say do you think we could stop by your room first? I’m not usually a before the date kind of girl but my suitcase has been dragged all over New York City today.’

Maura took Jane’s free hand and lead her to the elevator, ‘you can come to my room any time you want Jane Rizzoli.’ Maura laughed as Jane went red again. She was going to enjoy this new found ability to make Jane blush and if she took advantage of that blush to plant a few more kisses on Jane in the elevator then who could blame her? A blushing Jane was a very kissable Jane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, I am anticipating some fairly angsty/dark chapters ahead. sooooooo enjoy the fluff while you can?!


	24. Chapter 24

It hadn’t taken Vinnie long to track this Dr. Isles down. A quick search on his phone and he knew more than he wanted to about Maura Isles. Like the fact that she was the daughter of the mob boss, Patrick Doyle. _That_ was a problem. It meant that she was off limits. Vinnie knew enough about gangs to know better than to hurt a mob boss’s daughter. Even if that boss was theoretically in jail on the other side of the country. It was Vinnie’s personal opinion that power, once held was hard to lose. Vinnie would guess that Doyle still had strings to pull. Strings that would earn him an ice pick to the chest.

It made Vinnie angry, knowing exactly who had challenged his power but being unable to do anything about it. Angry enough to drink. Of course, just because he couldn’t hurt Maura Isles didn’t mean he couldn’t make her pay. Vinnie just needed to get creative. He thought about torching the clinic. It would be fitting, he supposed. They deserved it, letting _women_ lead them but Vinnie feared the neighbourhood would tear him apart if they ever found out who did it. The MEND clinic was very popular. Besides, they would just rebuild and that didn’t sit right with Vinnie. He wanted whatever he did to be permanent. He wanted it to tear Maura Isles apart. He wanted it to be a life long reminder that she was less than he was.

What Vinnie needed was more information and he knew just the person to get it. He would have his victory if he just took his time. And Vinnie could be _very_ patient when he wanted to be.

* * *

Maura hummed softly as she brought in breakfast, delivered via room service. She had ordered them berry topped french toast, enough bacon to satisfy even Jane, and eggs. Their date the night before had been incredible and so completely… natural. It was like every other time they had gone out to eat together except it was a million times better with sparks of attraction flickering between them. Every touch felt electric, every smile secretive. Maura couldn’t get over that Jane had flown all the way to New York just to surprise her. That was the second time in the last week Jane had managed to make her feel more deeply known and loved than any one else ever had.

Maura’s ring tone interrupted her process. Maura answered with a frown, ‘Dr. Isles.’

‘Yes, Dr. Isles, this is Nia Williams. We worked together on a Jane Doe case the night before last, I received your voicemail requesting I call you back.’

‘Oh yes!’ Maura said, sitting on the couch, ‘I just wanted to check in and see how Panda is doing.’

‘I’m afraid I cannot tell you very much Dr. Isles, for your safety and hers.’ Nia replied.

‘I understand. I just want to ensure that she is safely placed in a home.’

‘At the moment, she is in a safe location with vetted caregivers.’

‘Caregivers who understand her previous trauma and have expertise in handling it?’ Maura asked.

‘They have been briefed on the applicable information.’

Maura huffed, ‘any news about the parents?’

‘As you know, their identities are unknown,’ Nia responded, ‘we’ve inquired to schools in the area to see if they have any missing students but from what we have heard, it’s entirely possible the girl was not in the education system. Right now, our priority is getting her a more permanent placement.’

‘So this man could just get away with it? With beating and raping that little girl and we aren’t even going to try to find him?’ Maura asked, feeling indignant. She knew, in theory, that most cases of abuse and rape went unreported and uncharged but it was an affront to the side of her that had worked in law enforcement for the better part of the last decade.

Nia sighed on the other side, ‘as maddening as it sounds, yes. If the girl gives us a name, we’ll send a patrol to pick him up but short of a miracle he will in all likelihood get away with it.’

‘That’s wrong!’ Maura responded hotly.

‘I know,’ Nia replied sounding defeated, ‘but we are just as under funded and over taxed as every one else. Every case worker I pull to work on identifying this man is one more case worker, not out there helping kids. It’s not my job to find or to punish the people who hurt these kids. It’s my job to get the kids to safety.’ 

Maura knew she was right. It was a type of triaging. A forced necessity to treat the worst of it. ‘Well what if I found him?’ Maura asked.

‘I really would advise you against that Dr. Isles. Aside from it being nearly impossible, it would also be incredibly dangerous.’ Nia replied.

‘Well you can’t expect me to sit here and do nothing!’ Maura shot back, her voice more emotional than was strictly professional.

‘I don’t. I expect you to continue being a doctor at that clinic. Every kid you evaluate, you vaccinate, you help connect in to a program is another kid who you help. And when you find the Panda’s of the world, you call me and we do it all over again. We all have our parts to play but none of us can do it all.’

‘I don’t know if that’s enough,’ Maura whispered, her heart breaking as she thought of Panda calling out for her.

Nia was silent a moment before responding. ‘It never feels like it is Dr. Isles. For every kid we help, there’s three more we miss.’ Maura knew the numbers, knew the stats. Maura also knew they were doing the best they could. The next thing Nia said made Maura pause. ’If you want to do more Dr. Isles, perhaps you should consider becoming a foster parent.

‘Oh,’ Maura said, her mouth falling open in surprise. She glanced at the bedroom doorway where Jane was still asleep. Foster parents? It was a possibility she hadn’t yet considered.Sure she had adoptive parents and she certainly would have adopted Jane’s child if asked. ‘Does the state of Virginia permit same sex couples to foster?’ Maura couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. That she was seriously entertaining the possibility. Then she thought about Panda crying out to her. What if Maura had been able to say yes, to take Panda home with her and to have everything she would need.

The social worker let out another sigh, though Maura couldn’t tell whether it was directed at her or not. ’There is nothing in the law prohibiting it and in theory you would have the same rights. In practice, it would be up to the biases of individual people. There’s nothing in place protecting your treatment under the law. So a judge or a social worker or some other individual could easily decide you were not fit based on sexual orientation and you would have little recourse.’

Maura nodded and chewed her lips, ‘I see, well I will consider it and discuss with my…’ Maura trailed off. What did she call Jane. This whole romantic relationship was in its infant stages. Were they partners? Girlfriends? Dates? Lovers?

‘Sure Dr. Isles. You and your partner talk it over and if you want more information, feel free to email me. I have all the information you need to get started in a pamphlet.’ Nia responded, ‘if there’s nothing else I can help you with?’

‘No! Thank you so much for returning my call and do let me know if you find that man and need me to testify. I assure you, I am a very compelling witness.’ 

‘Thank you Dr. Isles, we’ll be in touch,’ Nia replied.

Maura sat on the couch staring at her phone a moment longer, a million thoughts running through her mind. She didn’t doubt her and Jane’s ability to co-parent. She just… wasn’t sure this was what she wanted it to look like.

‘Is that bacon I smell?’ Jane’s voice came from behind her.

Maura smiled as she turned to look at Jane. She was wearing a soft shirt and shorts, her hair was messy and wild, her face had the white remnants of drool. She was perfect. ‘Yes! I ordered us room service!’

‘God I love you!’ Jane replied sitting at the table. Maura stared at her, feeling particularly adoring. ‘What do I have something on my face?’

Maura grinned, ‘yes, the remnants of saliva but that’s not why I’m smiling.’

‘Maura!’ Jane squeaked rubbing frantically at her face with a napkin, her cheeks turning bright red. ‘Did I get it all?’

Maura chuckled, ‘yes Jane, you did.’

‘Great,’ Jane said, relief evident in her voice, ‘so what’s got you so happy?’

Maura thought about it. There were the simple answers. Jane was here, in New York City, with Maura. They had, had their first date. Jane was beautiful in the morning. They were going to the Museum of Modern Art today. But mostly, it was that sense of everything falling in to place. Maura was teetering at edge of the rest of her life and with Jane the rest of her life felt like bliss. Maura gave the most honest and coherent answer she could before scooping up a berry laden bite of french toast.. ‘It’s you Jane, just you.’


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Foster care, abandonment, abuse, PTSD

Jane’s cheeks hurt from smiling. The whole weekend Jane had been in utter bliss. Even as she wandered from art exhibit to art exhibit, staring at things that Jane would definitely not consider art. It didn’t really matter to Jane, as long as she was the reason that Maura was beaming all weekend long. It helped that she got to hold Maura’s hand. And the kissing. The kissing was definitely a big plus.

Jane had worried kissing a woman would feel weird. She’d worried her inner catholic kid would rear up and make her feel guilty. Maybe it still would but right now? Kissing Maura felt as natural as drinking water after a good run. Both vital and utterly quenching. Jane had felt so much, for so long about Maura, like she had been in this space for years and only now had a name for it. Who knew you could fall wildly, completely, soul deep in love with someone without ever realising it?

Now Jane sat across from Maura eating dinner in the airport before her flight. Jane didn’t want the weekend to end and judging by the way Maura’s grip grew tighter the longer the night went on, neither did Maura.

‘I’m so grateful you came to New York, Jane,’ Maura said softly, ‘it was exactly what I needed.’

‘Me too,’ Jane said squeezing Maura’s hand back. ‘Just say the word and I’ll quit my job to be your travelling groupie,’ Jane teased.

‘Only if you promise to be irrationally jealous of my adoring fans,’ Maura replied with a dimpled smile and batting eye lashes.

Jane didn’t know why that flustered her so much but it did. Her cheeks flared a rosy red and Jane could only manage a cough in response.

Maura ran a thumb softly over Jane’s hand, ‘I like flustering you.’ Her voice was soft, her tone down right seductive. Jane choked on her own spit.

‘Maura,’ Jane whispered hotly. ‘You can’t say things in that voice.’ Jane wasn’t sure if she was embarrassed or turned on.

‘Why not?’ Maura asked, eyes wide and judgement-free, her eye lashes fluttering, ‘it’s the truth.’

Jane felt torn. On the one hand she desperately wanted to take Maura back to the hotel and let her speak in that tone of voice all night long. On the other, she wanted to run from even the hint of sex in public. Her voice broke when she spoke, ‘just not here. Not now, okay?’

Maura relented, she cleared her throat and looked away. Jane suspected they both needed to calm down.

Silence stretched between them, with just a hint of discomfort. Then Maura smiled at her reassuringly and Jane let out the breath she was holding. ‘Dessert?’ Jane asked.

Maura bit her cheek as if she was avoiding saying something and nodded fervently.

‘What did I say something?’

Maura shook her head and took a gulp of water.

Jane thought about it for a moment, ‘are you avoiding saying something vaguely sexually inappropriate?’

Maura nodded and looked away, her cheeks blushing red.

Jane squeezed Maura’s hand, ‘thank you. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be as comfortable discussing it as you, especially in public.’

Maura looked back at her and offered a genuine smile, ‘that’s okay Jane. I want to respect your boundaries. I’m not trying to rush you or force you in to anything. We’ll take it all at your pace.’

‘Wait,’ Jane asked eyebrows furrowing, ‘are you saying you’re, you know, _ready_ to,’ Jane’s voice whispered, _‘you know.’_ Jane made a vague flicking motion between their bodies.

Maura smiled, ‘I feel no particular compulsion to wait Jane. We both know I am more comfortable in my sexual proclivities than you. I have a deep attraction to you, it is only natural that I would be biologically compelled to act on that attraction.’

Jane’s nose wrinkled. She was never sure if Maura’s science speak was reassuring or off putting when it came to sex. ‘I just… it means something to me. You know? And with you? It means even more.’

Maura rubbed her hand again, her smile never faltering, ‘I’m aware of your emotional emphasis on the act and I don’t mind waiting for you to be ready. As I said, I’m in no rush. _This,’_ Maura gestured between them, ‘means everything to me. You mean everything to me.’

Jane smiled at that. They might not be on the same page physically but Jane knew they were on the same page emotionally. The rest would fall in to place eventually. ‘So how about that sox game?’ Jane asked with a smirk. Maura just chuckled.

Maura walked her to security, the pout on her face deepening. When they got there, Jane pulled Maura in to a hug. ‘I love you Maura. I’ll see you soon.’ Jane pressed a soft kiss to Maura’s. Maura pressed back, holding Jane in place, their lips connecting, their bodies touching.

‘Fly safe?’ Maura asked when she pulled back, her voice a bit breathless.

Jane smiled and pressed a kiss to the shorter woman’s forehead, ‘I will. You be safe too.’

Maura watched Jane until she couldn’t see her anymore before heading back to her hotel. She had an interview in the morning.

* * *

Panda ate her breakfast in silence. The other girls chattered away, talking about school and who had lost privileges recently and for what. Panda wasn’t sure about her group home. She liked the new clothes and she liked her room but she wasn’t sure about the other girls there. Miss Nia had promised her that she would only be there for a few nights. Promised she would be going home to a real family soon but Panda wasn’t sure she wanted that. Panda wanted that nice lady doctor. She wanted the lady who told her all about pandas. Panda stabbed another bite of her eggs and looked up at the news to see just that very doctor on the television!

‘Hey!’ Panda shouted and pointed at the tv, ‘turn it up!’

The entire room went silent and turned to stare. She hadn’t said anything to any of them since she had arrived. Miss Rory, the morning caregiver and school driver turned the TV dial up.

Miss, no _Doctor,_ Panda reminded herself Isles, was sitting across from some news lady talking about her book. She was just as beautiful as Panda remembered. Panda stood up and walked to the tv. Pressing her face in close to look at every detail. Behind her, she could hear the other girls whispering but Panda didn’t care. Doctor Isles laughed at something the host said. Panda was riveted.

Suddenly the camera changed to a different news lady, reporting on something else. ‘Bring her back,’ Panda whispered.

‘What sweetie?’ Miss Rory asked gently, an obvious look of concern on her face.

‘Bring her back!’ Panda yelled. ‘Bring her back! Bring her back!’

All the hurt and anger bubbled up in Panda’s tummy and exploded out of her hands and feet. She knew it was bad. She knew she would be punished but she couldn’t help it! She just wanted Dr. Isles. She wanted to learn more about Pandas. She just wanted Dr. Isles.

She could hear Miss Rory talking to her, trying to calm her down. Panda fell to the floor and began pounding and kicking at the floor. She didn’t want to be in this dumb home. She just wanted to go back to the doctor but even the doctor hadn’t wanted her. Tears fell down Panda’s cheeks. She just wanted to be wanted. The mad left her hands then, leaving behind a big mess of sad in her tummy. Panda curled in to a ball on the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees and squeezing her eyes shut. She could pretend she was back in the doctors room. She was good at pretending. She had pretended all the time at… her old house. Her not a home any more.

It was Miss Nia’s voice that brought her back. Panda was laying in her bed, Miss Nia sitting softly beside her talking.

‘I want Doctor Isles,’ Panda whispered.

‘What did you say sweetie?’ Miss Nia asked, realising the girl was awake and talking to her.

‘I want Doctor Isles,’ Panda said louder.

Miss Nia’s face got sad, ‘sweetie that’s not possible.’

‘Why?’ Panda asked, ‘doesn’t she want me?’

‘I don’t know but she isn’t a foster parent, so we couldn’t put you with her,’ Miss Nia murmured.

‘So she can become one right?’ Panda asked.

‘Maybe,’ Miss Nia replied, ‘if she wanted to but we still probably couldn’t put you with her. It wouldn’t be possible until we know you would both be safe from your step father and even then the most likely outcome would be that you would go back to live with your mother.’

‘My Mama doesn’t want me,’ Panda reminded Miss Nia. She didn’t understand why the woman didn’t understand that.

Miss Nia’s face got even sadder, ‘I think your Mama is in a tough spot Panda. I think if we get her some help, things might be better.’

‘Well I don’t want her,’ Panda replied, the anger coming back now. ‘I want Doctor Isles!’

Miss Nia let her yell for a while and when the mad had all come out she spoke softly, ‘we’ll have you in a foster home soon and it will feel more like a real home.’

Panda shuddered, she knew what a real home was. People hit you and yelled at you and you couldn’t ever hit or yell back. There was no use telling this to Miss Nia though. Adults never understood. Except Doctor Isles. Doctor Isles hadn’t hit her or yelled at her. Even when Panda refused to tell her, her name. Doctor Isles had let her pick a new name. Doctor Isles understood.

Miss Nia said goodbye, patting her shoulder softly. Panda began crying again, careful to keep quiet. She had misbehaved enough today, she didn’t want the adults to get mad at her. If she had Doctor Isles, she could cry as loud as she wanted. Panda shivered again. Doctor Isles would hold her and make her feel better, just like she promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor little Panda has a lot of hurt to work through! Tried to make it feel authentic to the big and powerless feelings of a six year old in that situation. I know I didn't get anywhere near enough to describing the overwhelming hurt but some things words can't convey.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Cancer, Jail time, family illnesses

Paddy Doyle glared at the harsh California sunlight streaming in to the court yard. Paddy was a dock-man. He needed to hear the crashing of the waves, smell that mix of brine and fish, he dealt in fog and darkness. California was none of those things. The air was so dry his nose bled. It smelled of dirt and fire and the sunshine! He loathed that never ending sunshine that beat down relentlessly. Paddy sighed and shifted his weight on the table he leaned on. The young ones were battling it out over a game of hoops. Paddy was too old to keep up, especially with the smoke in the air. Paddy wasn’t top dog in this prison but the others had learned quickly we wasn’t easy game either. Paddy didn’t mind ceding the title. He wouldn’t be here long anyways. Cancer. Paddy supposed there was a certain irony in that. He’d been shot, stabbed, beaten, hit by cars. Sheer force of will had kept him alive in the gang wars. Well, his will, a bit of luck, and Hope’s doctor skills. But in the end, no one could escape who they were. It was written in to the very fabric of his being. You can’t out-shoot, out-stab or outsmart yourself. Nope, in the end, you can’t outrun yourself.

The docs out here had given him a date. Paddy figured he’d take a little while longer, just because he was stubborn. Still it was a matter of months to wrap up his affairs, his dealings. He wasn’t so much afraid to die as he was concerned that his affairs would come back to haunt Maura or Hope. The gang would find a new leader, would continue on so long as there was money and power to be had, so long as there were jobs too dirty for the government to do, at least publicly. His concern was for his daughter and soul mate. He had spent so long watching out for them, taking care of them. He wouldn’t be around to do that much longer. He had chips still to call in, folks still loyal enough to keep an ear to the ground. They would look after Maura and Hope when he was gone.

No he was worried about collateral damage. His greatest fear was that something he had done would fall back on Maura or Hope. That they would be blamed for his sins. What he needed was a good confession and Paddy had the perfect agent in mind to take it.

‘Paddy Doyle,’ the guard at the entrance called, ‘you’ve got a visitor.’

Paddy smiled. It was time to set things right.

Paddy walked with the waiting guard through a labyrinth of doors, each manned with bars and guards. He smiled and nodded to the folks he knew. He’d made it a point to stay on the guards good sides, when possible. If it happened to arm him with information about their friends and family, should he ever have need to exploit it, so be it. Such was the game of survival.

The guard lead him in to an interrogation room, locking his cuffs in to the provided space. Paddy thought it a tad excessive but he supposed he had shot the agent sitting across from him.

‘Paddy Doyle,’ Agent Dean said cooly, ‘I’ve been informed you want to talk to me and only me.’

‘That’s right, _Agent Dean_ ,’ Paddy said with a smirk, ‘I have a few confessions to make. May even help you solve some of your cold cases. If you’re smart.’

Dean sat back, ‘I’m guessing this isn’t out of the kindness of your heart.’

Paddy shrugs, if the docs hadn’t told him Paddy didn’t feel inclined to share.

‘You shot me,’ Dean said incredibly, ‘why on earth would you think _I_ would want to take your confession.’

Paddy grinned, ‘here I was thinking it was some kind of recompense. I shot you and now I’m giving you the chance to close cases agents thirty years your senior haven’t been able to close. Look good to the higher ups, serve justice. Whatever you think it is your doing.’

‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ Dean said incredibly. ‘Alright, old man. You’ve got something eating you up inside, get it off your chest.’ Dean fished out a notebook and pen and looked expectantly at Paddy.

Paddy shook his head. ‘There are very few things I regret in my life Dean. Most of what I’ve done has been in the name of survival. I make no apologies for staying alive.’

‘Like shooting me?’ Dean asked.

‘Like shooting you. You were a threat. I handled it.’ Paddy agreed.

‘And got shot yourself!’ Dean retorted rolling his eyes.

Paddy shrugged, ‘occupational hazard.’

‘Alright, while we’re on the topic,’ Dean said, ‘why am I here opposed to Agent Rizzoli?’

Paddy thought about his answer, not wanting to give away more than absolutely necessary. ‘Agent Rizzoli is a good woman, a clean woman, but she’s been under investigation in regards to her relationship with me. I want everything I say to be absolutely indisputable.’

Dean stared at him, ‘you want to make sure the crimes you confess to can’t implicate Maura Isles or Hope Martin.’

Paddy supposed it wasn’t that hard to make the connection but still he had to give the Agent credit. He had read between the lines. ‘Something like that.’

‘Alright, Doyle,’ Dean said, ‘you tell me everything you know and I’ll make sure it makes it up the command chain untarnished.’

‘Good,’ Paddy said, nodding. ‘Next time bring your files.’ With that Paddy stood up and called to the guard. He was tired.

‘Doyle?’ Dean asked, ‘how long do you think this is going to take?’

The guard unshackled him and Doyle shrugged, ‘not more than a few months Agent Dean.’ Paddy left the room and the agent behind, headed back to his cell where he’d try to take a nap.

* * *

Maura sat dutifully in the make up chair, allowing people to flurry around her as they fixed her hair and make up. It had become somewhat routine over the last few days. Maura wasn’t sure how there were this many talk shows in New York but this was to be the last before she left for Boston. Maura would sleep in her own bed tonight. She sighed softly.

‘Is everything okay Dr. Isles?’ the make up artist in front of her. ‘Do you need some water or something to eat?’

‘Oh, no, thank you,’ Maura said with a smile, ‘I just fly home tonight. I was thinking about sleeping in my own bed.’

The make up artist smiled at her, ‘I never sleep well in a hotel.’

Maura nodded, she didn’t say that she never slept well without Jane. It was too complicated. Too personal.

The next few hours were a blur to Maura. She answered another round of the same questions about her book. She did her best to seem genuine and happy to be there. She made sure to thank every one who helped her, grateful for the opportunity even if her heart wasn’t in it at the moment. She packed up and checked out of her hotel and made her way to the airport. Boston was calling and Maura couldn’t wait to be home, even if she was going to miss Jane being there.

Nina picked her up from the airport, giving Maura a big hug and a welcome home. It was almost as good as being home. Nina dropped her off at her town home and promised to pick her up in the morning for her next interview. A homemade dinner awaited Maura in the fridge along with a note from Angela apologising for having to work. Maura hummed as she set about warming the meal. When it was done, she collected her mail to go through.

Most of it was junk. She set aside a handful of invoices and bills she had already paid online, making a mental note to switch to paperless. The final piece was addressed to her from a penitentiary in California. Paddy. Maura sighed and set it aside. She wasn’t quite ready to deal with whatever the letter contained. Paddy knew Maura wasn’t terribly interested in a relationship with him but she had agreed to receive mail when it was necessary. Truthfully, Maura doubted she would be able to refuse any mail he sent her. She may hate the man, everything he stood for, but at the end of the day, Maura was so hungry to know everything she could about her birth family that she would never truly be able to resist.

That didn’t mean, however, she couldn’t hold off on opening the letter until she’d finished a glass of wine and called Jane. She was, after all, only human. She poured herself a glass, relocating to her couch and pressed Jane’s contact. Jane answered on the second ring.

‘Hey Maur! Made it to Boston?’ Jane asked, Maura could hear the smile in her voice.

‘I did. Nina picked me up at the airport and your mother left me a home made dinner. It was quite lovely.’

‘I love our people,’ Jane said. ‘The pups definitely miss you. Boston keeps doing that weird whine thing and looking at the door.’

‘Poor girl,’ Maura spoke softly. ‘I miss them too. How was your day?’

‘Good,’ Jane chuckled, ‘the recruits still haven’t solved my little problem for them. Although, one came close but she second guessed herself.’ Jane had the recruits trying to break her alibi for the weekend. She had told them that she had been at home, alone, sick for the weekend. Their job was to confirm or bust it. So far, none had come close.

‘Are you certain you’re playing fair?’ Maura asked. She was almost positive that Jane would not be. The woman could be famously shifty for someone who was on the side of the law.

‘Of course I’m not. They’re FBI recruits Maura. Alibi chasing is part of the job. An important part.’ Jane retorted.

‘I’m not sure any one was expecting you to fly to New York on a dime Jane,’ Maura replied her eyes rolling.

‘It shouldn’t be that hard Maura. All they have to do is talk to our neighbours.’

‘Yes but do they know where you live?’

Jane laughed throatily at that, ‘of course not! What’s the challenge in that?’

‘So you’re just waiting for one of them to steal your ID?’ Maura asked.

‘I was thinking tailing me but you know that would work. They’d just have to get it back in my wallet before I found out because that would be illegal search and seizure and I’d have to fail them.’ Jane was clearly far too delighted with this experiment.

‘And I assume you are using evasive manoeuvres to come home every day?’ Maura didn’t really need to ask. She already knew.

Jane just laughed. Maura had decided at some point in the last month that Jane was an excellent teacher. A bit evil but excellent none the less. She was absolutely perfect for training FBI recruits. ‘How was your interview?’

Maura sighed, ‘it was good. The questions have grown tiresome.’

‘Aren’t they all about your book?’ Jane asked.

‘Yes.’ Maura replied with a brush. Perhaps she ought to feel differently but Maura got tired of talking about the same thing endlessly. ‘I don’t know how I’m going to answer the same question every day multiple times a day for the next eleven weeks.’

‘Fair enough,’ Jane said before letting the silence lapse.

‘I um,’ Maura started after sipping her wine, ‘I got a letter from Paddy.’

‘Oh?’ Jane asked. ‘What did it say?’

‘I haven’t opened it yet,’ Maura said. Retrieving the letter from the counter and settling back down, ‘I was hoping you would stay on the phone with me while I did. Just… in case.’

‘Sure Maura!’ Jane replied, ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

Maura opened the letter and pulled out a pair of letters. The first was a standard letter informing her that this correspondence was screened by the penitentiary. The second was written in pencil with block letters. Maura read this aloud.

> _My Dear Maura,_
> 
> _I hope this letter finds you in good health and happiness. I know you do not think much of me or my chosen profession. I do not blame you. I gave you away to protect you from this life. That you found out about me at all, wounds me. I would that I had passed long before you discovered our relationship. Alas, it is what it is._
> 
> _Though it may not see possible to you, you and your brother were my joy in life. You both gave this old cynical man reason to have hope. But you, Maura, you are my pride. You’re so smart and incredibly kind. You inherited all of your Mother’s best traits and made some of your own. I am proud of you and the work you have done. Even the work you did to lock me up. You and your Rizzoli did more than legions of men did before you._
> 
> _I am writing to let you know that I have been diagnosed with lung cancer. The doctors say it doesn’t look good, give me a couple of months without treatment. Maybe a year with it. I have no intention of spending my last days hooked up to machines, taking medicine so strong it makes me violently ill. I have declined the treatments. I do not expect to be able to make things right with you. I don’t even expect any further contact. Though I love you with all of my heart, I understand that I’ve hurt you. I just wanted you to know, in case you had anything further you wanted to know or anything you had left to say. Closure some would call it._
> 
> _I also wanted you to know, I have requested a meeting with Agent Dean of the FBI. I will be telling him anything he wants to know in regards to my crimes. I want to be sure, anything and everything I say would clear your and your mother’s name. I won’t permit my sins to burden either of you any further._
> 
> _If I hear from you again, I will gladly accept such contact. If I do not,These things, I warmly wish for you- Someone to love, some work to do, A bit of o’ sun, a bit o’ cheer. And a guardian angel always near._
> 
> _Be well, my daughter!_
> 
> _Patrick Doyle_

Jane spoke first, ‘you doing okay Maura?’

Maura felt numb. Emotionless. ‘I suppose.’

A moment later, Maura’s phone showed Jane’s face for a video call. Maura clicked the accept button and smiled wanly at Jane. ‘Hi.’

‘Hey, sorry I needed to see your face,’ Jane replied.

‘You never have to apologise for calling me Jane,’ Maura murmured tenderly. Jane always knew how to take care of her.

‘So cancer?’ Jane asked.

‘So it appears. A lung adenocarcinoma is the most common form of lung cancer, although I couldn’t possibly diagnose him from the little information he has written here. Although, if he has been given months, it is likely that the cancer has metastasised.’ Maura heard herself say the words but she didn’t really know what she was saying.

‘Hey, its okay Maura. He doesn’t need a diagnosis. You don’t have to figure this out.’

‘Of course I do. I’m his only living kin. I’ll have to make arrangements and I don’t even know his wishes.’Maura’s voice got high and panicky.

‘I know, I know sweetheart. And we’ll figure it out, okay. He’s not dead yet. We can figure out what he wants. I just mean, he doesn’t need you to be Dr. Isles. You get to feel however you feel right now.’

‘Well I don’t know how I feel Jane. My biological father, who is in jail for murdering the wife and child of a highly respected police captain and is suspected of doing far worse, who abandoned me as a baby and then lied to my biological mother, just told me he has cancer.’

‘I’d feel angry,’ Jane offered, ‘and maybe a bit sad but mostly angry.’

Maura thought about it. She did feel angry. Maybe the more saintly side of her felt sad. The doctor side, that care about human life. Maura wasn’t sure she had an answer for Jane.

‘I could reach out to Agent Dean. See what he knows,’ Jane offered.

A spike of fear shot through Maura. She didn’t want anything to do with Agent Dean, she certainly didn’t want Jane to have anything to do with Agent Dean. ‘No!’ Maura snapped. ‘I don’t care what he talks to Agent Dean about. It’s none of my concern.’

Jane held up one hand in surrender, ‘okay. Not talking to Agent Dean.’

‘I’m sorry Jane,’ Maura replied, ‘I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just he….’

‘Got your father shot, I get it Maura,’ Jane finished for her.

Maura shook her head, ‘I was going to say, he’s the only person who ever made me feel like I had lost you.’

‘Oh,’ Jane said, ‘we do have complicated history there.’

Maura nodded and then leaned back in to the couch. ‘I have to tell Hope.’ Her voice sounded small and sad.

‘Aw Maura,’ Jane replied, wishing desperately she could be there, ‘no you don’t. I’m sure Paddy wrote her too.’

Maura shook her head. ‘She refused all contact. It looked poorly on the clinic. I have to tell her.’

Jane sighed. ‘Will you see her while you’re in Boston?’

‘I wasn’t going to but I will have to make time now.’

‘I’m sorry Maura,’ Jane whispered, ‘I wish I was there with you.’

‘Me too Jane,’ Maura said her voice breaking slightly. ‘Me too.’

Jane stayed on the phone until Angela came home then she let her Ma work her magic. She’d have Maura wrapped up in blanket with tea and a homemade chocolate chip cookie in hand in no time.

Jane hung up and felt torn. The investigator in her told her that Dean was the way to go but Maura had been pretty clear she didn’t want to know. Jane didn’t want to betray her trust but the impulse was still there. Jane settled on shooting off a few quick texts. The first was to her own father. She texted him occasionally. He never answered. She wasn’t even sure he could receive texts, though she supposed most phones did these days.

_‘Hey Pa. Just wanted you to know I miss you and hope you’re doing well. Love, Janie.’_

The second text went to Hope. Jane wasn’t sure if she did the right thing but she figured Maura did enough taking care of others. Jane could help her out here a little bit, at least getting the process started.

_‘Hey Hope. Maura is in Boston for the next few days. She needs to speak with you, she has some news about Paddy to share. I know it’s a hard topic for the both of you so I thought it might help if you reached out to her first. Initiated the conversation. I’m here if you need me. Jane.’_

The last text was to Maura. She spent the most time composing that one. After all, Hope was Hope and her father might never see her text but Maura? Jane held Maura’s heart in her hands. She would do whatever she could to protect it.

_‘I let Hope know you needed to meet. Not sure if that was the right thing but I hope it helps a bit. I hope Ma made you cookies and tea and gave you all the hugs I couldn’t. I love you Maura. I’m with you. Whatever you need.’_

Maura didn’t take long to text back and the response was enough for Jane. She fell asleep thinking of Maura.

_‘Thank you Jane. I love you too.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologise if you ever find random key strokes mid sentence. I have a kitten and a three year old who believe themselves to be co-authors of this fic. I do my best to edit them but just for the record.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Stalking, psychopathic thinking, generally creepy a** dude.
> 
> Made a small but significant edit to the final Vinnie part of this chapter. Fri. Oct. 2 at 5:50ish AKDT You may want to re-read. Or not.

Hope’s phone dinged as she was washing dishes from dinner. Hope paused, dried her hands and looked at the text.

_Jane Rizzoli: Hey Hope. Maura is in Boston for the next few days. She needs to speak with you, she has some news about Paddy to share. I know it’s a hard topic for the both of you so I thought it might help if you reached out to her first. Initiated the conversation. I’m here if you need me. Jane._

Hope was surprised. She’d known Maura was in Boston, she also knew the woman’s time there was limited. They hadn’t planned on meeting and then there was the information about Paddy. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that whatever news it was, could not be particularly good news and Hope was a genius. Hope had spent most of her life waiting on bad news about Paddy Doyle. At this point, it was just part and parcel of having fallen head over heels in love with a mobster.

That she loved Paddy was never in question. He had swept Hope up in a whirlwind romance, sparked her imagination, encouraged her dreams. Hope had given Paddy a piece of her heart and had never managed to reclaim it. She’d forgiven him for so much through the years. She’d turned a blind eye to the money he gave her for her clinics, had not asked questions about the injuries she’d treated. She had overlooked his status in a deadly and criminal gang out of love for the young man she had loved at 18. Lying about Maura though? That had changed it all. Hope would always love Paddy. It was as inevitable as the sun rising in the East. But he had kept Hope from Maura’s first smile, her first steps, her first word, her first science experiment, her first heart break. He broke Hope’s heart telling her that their daughter had died and then hidden her away. Hope understood why. She understood the particular threat Paddy Doyle posed to a newborn baby. But she would never forgive the man for stealing her daughter.

Hope read the message over again. She was grateful. Jane was showing her how she could help take care of Maura. Giving her the next steps. Hope just had to take them. Hope found Maura’s name, listed under her emergency contact beside Cailin’s, a heart at the end and she pressed call. She tried not to fidget while the phone rang.

‘Hope!’ Maura answered, a smile in her voice, ‘I’m glad you called.’

‘Me too honey,’ Hope said automatically, ‘I mean, Maura. Forgive me if I was too personal.’

‘It’s okay, Hope,’ Maura replied her voice soft, ‘you can use nicknames if they feel comfortable. You are my mother after all.’

‘That I am,’ Hope said softly, tearsdampening her eyes. She felt strangely touched by the acknowledgement. Hope would have to consider the idea later. ‘Jane said you needed to meet up while you were in Boston. My schedule is fairly flexible tomorrow. Can I meet you somewhere?’

‘I do need to speak with you. Would you be free for lunch tomorrow?’

‘Certainly, just let me know the time and place,’ Hope replied, ‘are you okay Maura? Do you need anything?’

‘I am…’ Maura hesitated, ‘tired. Angela made me dinner… and tea… and cookies. I think all I really need now is rest.’

Hope felt a pang of jealousy. She was certainly grateful for Angela’s care and she was well aware that such jealousy was a fruitless and immature response but sometimes feelings just crept up on her. Perhaps because she never got to make Maura cookies to help her feel better. Still, Hope was glad that Maura had someone taking care of her.

Hope knew she must have been silent for too long when Maura spoke again. ‘I didn’t mean to reject you Hope.’

‘Nonsense,’ Hope replied her voice a bit pitchy even to her own ears, ‘I just want to make sure you’re taken care of. Of course I wish I could be there but you’re what matters Maura.’ It was more honest than Hope had intended to be but perhaps they needed a bit more honesty between them. A little vulnerability.

Maura was quiet a moment, ‘thank you Hope. I believe tomorrow will provide ample opportunity for us both.’

That made Hope frown. It was vague and cryptic but Hope didn’t press her on it. ‘Well I look forward to spending time with you even if it is under ominous terms.’

Maura chuckled, ‘me too Hope.’

‘I’ll let you get some sleep but I did want to say one last thing.’ A hmm from Maura let Hope know she was listening, ‘you’re doing an incredible job with your book. I’ve watched all of your interviews and I am thoroughly excited to read it.’

‘Thank you Hope. I will have a copy set aside for you when they are released,’ Maura replied. Hope wasn’t sure but she sounded slightly flustered.

‘Perhaps you could put in a good word for me with the author and have it signed?’ Hope teased gently.

Maura chuckled again, ‘I don’t think I have to put a good word in, the author is already quite fond of you Hope. She’d be happy to sign it.’

That made Hope happy. ‘I will treasure it forever. I’ll see you tomorrow, sleep well.’

‘Good night Hope,’ Maura said through a yawn on the phone.

Hope hung up with a smile on her face as she returned to the dishes.

* * *

Vinnie sighed as he watched his target, sipping on a little Irish coffee as she hurried off to her next class. His contact had come through for him with a name. Now it was Vinnie’s job to figure out the rest. A less patient man might have simply shot the woman on the street. Left her to bleed out while passerby’s watched. Vinnie had considered it. It would be easier in some ways but Vinnie wanted to go on with his life. A very public shoot out was hardly conducive to that. Besides, he wanted Maura Isles to feel the agony he felt. Having something of his ripped from his hands and hidden away never to be found again. He wanted Maura Isles to feel what he felt on a visceral level. A simple shooting wouldn’t be enough. He watched the dark haired woman slip into a building, disappearing from view. He was done for the day. 

Vinnie left the small coffee shop just as an interview with Maura Isles began to play. Vinnie drained his coffee cup, crushing it and throwing it away. Doctor Maura Isles was ubiquitous these days, her face haunting him every where he went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts: I'm using this fic to avoid real life in America right now soooooo enjoy the extra chapter courtesy of the general dumpster fire that is reality! 
> 
> Also fun facts: Hope has such a beautifully complicated/tragic back story and I really want to deep dive in to her buuuuuuuuuutttt we'll see. 
> 
> Thanks for reading y'all!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Death/Funeral talk, including child loss. Foster Placement.

Maura walked the two blocks to the restaurant she was meeting Hope at. Fall was settling in to Boston, the air carrying a hint of September chill, the leaves beginning to change from greens to bright yellows and oranges. Maura had decided that for this walk, at least, she would not worry. There was no good way to break news like this. She knew that, she was a doctor after all. What Maura hadn’t done was break news like this to a mother figure. Maura had decided, she would just let Hope read Paddy’s letter. As for the rest? The comforting? Maura just had to hope she could channel her inner Rizzoli. There was nothing Maura could do to prepare herself further so she might as well enjoy her walk.

Hope was waiting for her in the restaurant, set up in a booth wearing a worried look. Maura took a breath at the door, steadying herself with a deep gulp of September air. She walked in to Hope’s table. The elder woman smiled and stood to greet Maura. Maura gave her a warm hug and pressed a kiss to her cheek, ‘Hello Hope!’

Hope squeezed her back, ‘Hello Maura!’

The pair sat in the booth. Maura, settling her things beside her. Sheepishly, Maura began, ’I’m not certain if you want to get the bad news out of the way or if you would prefer to make the perfunctory small talk first. I did mentally prepare for both possibilities.’

Hope smiled, the statement sounding exactly like something she herself would say, ‘I say we get it over with so that we may move on to more pleasant topics over lunch.’

Maura nodded and pulled out a letter from her purse. Hope took it, recognising the penmanship immediately. It made her heart ache and her anger quake. Hope unfolded the letter with trembling fingers and began to read. Maura watched as her biological mother’s went from concern to grief. Tears glistening in her eyes. Maura reached out and took the woman’s hand as she finished reading. It felt like what Jane would do.

At the end, Hope shook her head. ‘It’s hard to believe,’ Hope whispered, ‘he survived so much.’

Maura nodded, she had seen the scars of such survival on Paddy’s body. ‘Cancer is indiscriminate,’ Maura said lamely. Of course Hope knew that.

‘And so very cruel,’ Hope whispered. She folded the letter and slipped it back in to the envelope. ‘Will you write back to him?’

Maura nodded, ‘I still have questions for him. Besides, someone must manage his affairs.’

Hope felt her anger flare. ‘That doesn’t have to be you Maura,’ Hope replied, trying to keep the torrent of emotion from her voice, ‘you don’t owe him that.’

‘Perhaps not,’ Maura murmured, ‘but I am his daughter.’

Hope spoke quietly staring at the table, ‘you’re my daughter too.’

Maura squeezed Hope’s hand, ‘I am but that’s part of why I have to do this, for you.’ Hope looked up in obvious surprise. ‘I couldn’t leave this all to you. He may be my biological father but he was the love of your life. I couldn’t just let the state bury him in some barely marked grave.’

Something about that broke Hope. She buried her head in to her arms and cried. Maura got up and came around to her side of the booth, wrapping an arm around her biological mother’s shoulders. Hope resisted for a moment. Wondering if it was strictly appropriate and then she simply gave in. Turning in to the hug and holding Maura back. Maura could feel her own tears welling up, though they were less for Paddy and more for Hope. What kind of relationship could the pair have had? Maura wondered if she would be more normal, more like Jane. She wondered if maybe she wouldn’t have been so lonely. Maura thinks she would have liked having Hope as a mother. The realisation sat uneasy on her heart. Constance had tried. Constance had given her every opportunity to succeed. Had been a wonderful adoptive mother. There were no easy answers. Maura was not usually a believer in fate but perhaps it was simply meant to be. Perhaps she was meant to have Angela, Constance, _and_ Hope. Maura rather liked that idea.

‘I’m sorry,’ Hope whispered as she pulled away, searching through her purse for a pack of tissues, ‘I didn’t mean to cry on you.’

’It’s okay Hope,’ Maura replied softly, ‘I’m not a child. I want to be here for you.’

‘Oh baby girl,’ Hope whispered, reaching out to touch Maura’s cheek, ‘thank you.’ It was intimate. More intimate than either of them typically expressed. Maura blushed but did not lean away. She suspected that Hope needed it. Maybe Maura even needed it, though it made her uncomfortable.

Maura smiled warmly, ‘always Hope. After all, I’m the only other person in the world who knows what it’s like to love Paddy Doyle.’ The admission sat between them. Heavy, sad, and still true. ‘I handled Paddy Doyle Senior’s affairs when he passed. I had the foresight to buy Paddy a plot beside him. I don’t know if it’s what he would want…’ Maura trailed off. Truthfully she knew very little about her biological father’s wishes. ‘I suppose I will have to ask unless you know…..’

Hope shook her head. ‘We haven’t talked funerals since…’ Hope trailed off. Her throat felt tight and her eyes stung. She remembered every detail of Maura’s funeral. She remembered standing, trembling even in the August sun, before that tiny white casket. She wept as they lowered it in to it’s grave. Her baby girl. The baby she carried for months, whose kicking kept Hope awake at night thinking of all the possibilities. She had spoken to Maura, bought her diapers, decorated her nursery. Every hope and dream had been lowered in to that grave. Hope buried her heart with the child she thought she lost. The sight and smell of white roses still made Hope ill. Hope blinked quickly, taking in the swimming vision of her fully grown daughter. The beautiful baby she had lost and gotten back.

‘I’m sorry,’ Maura said, ‘I shouldn’t have… I should have been more thoughtful before talking about funeral preparations with you. I should have assumed…’

Hope stopped her with the squeeze of a hand, ‘it’s okay Maura, honey, I got you back.’

Maura nodded, ‘yeah. You did.’ Maura paused, giving them both a moment to collect themselves, again. ‘I suppose I will have to talk to Paddy then.’

‘I could go with you,’ Hope offered her voice betraying how small she felt. Her daughter was confident and willing to handle everything Paddy had to throw at them. Hope wasn’t sure she felt the same but she certainly couldn’t let Maura go alone. Besides, Hope wanted a final goodbye. There was history that needed to be put to rest there.

It was Maura’s turn to look surprised, ‘I would like that.’

Hope nodded, blotting at her cheeks with a tissue, ‘just let me know when, I’ll make it work.’

The rest of lunch was far less painful. The pair talking about Cailin and the book tour. Hope talked about a difficult case she was working and Maura told Hope about Panda. Maura walked out feeling genuinely happy to have gone. Things with Hope had been so hard and complicated for so long. It felt good to have some kind of natural cadence between them. Maura smiled as she dialled Jane’s number.

* * *

Panda walked hand in hand with Miss Nia to her new home. Miss Nia said it was nice home, with nice parents and nice brothers and sisters. Panda knew better. People were only nice if they wanted something. Panda didn’t mind that. She was good at cleaning and taking care of the littles. She could cope with people who made the rules. It was the people who never told you what they wanted that Panda didn’t trust. They still wanted something but they were the ones who changed the rules when they wanted. Panda didn’t know which type these new people were.

Panda had liked the house from the outside. It had a big yard, with a big walnut tree perfect for climbing in. Miss Nia had knocked and a kind looking woman let them in. Inside, the house smelled like lemonade. Panda liked lemonade. The woman smiled at her and took her coat, pointing to where Panda could take off her shoes. Miss Nia handed over the bag that had all of Panda’s new clothes in it.

‘Panda,’ Miss Nia said, ‘this is Mrs. Stephens.’

Panda looked at the woman, her head tilted slightly to the left. She was younger than her Ma had been. She had long brown hair that was braided over her shoulder, her tummy was round and swollen with a baby to be, her eyes a bright brown. Her eyes had wrinkles that made Panda want to smile and her smile made her eyes look shiny.

‘Hello Panda,’ Mrs. Stephens spoke gently, ‘I’m glad you’re here.’

‘Mrs. and Mr. Stephens will be fostering you for a while,’ Miss Nia explained, ‘they’re going to take care of you. They’ll drive you to school, help you with your clothes and homework, make you food, take you to the Doctor.’ Panda’s head whipped up and she looked at Miss Nia hard. The woman shook her head, ‘no not Dr. Isles.’

Panda’s lip quivered. She could feel the anger rising up in her again. Miss Nia must have seen it too because she took a deep breath and knelt down beside Panda. She let it out slowly before taking another deep breath. Panda felt her own breath coming in. She felt the mad settle down. It was never really gone.

Miss Nia spoke softly, ‘I will see if we can make Dr. Isles your regular doctor Panda but it just might not be possible. I promise to try if you will.’

Panda thought about this. She looked at the other woman who was still smiling at Panda. She hadn’t been frightened of Panda’s anger. That was a good thing. Panda looked back at Miss Nia and gave a slight nod. She could try. She didn’t say that the anger always came back.

‘Would you like to see your room?’ Mrs. Stephens asked.

Panda looked away but she saw Miss Nia nodding. Panda supposed she would have to talk to Mrs. Stephens eventually but the mad wouldn’t let her right now. The idea of talking made Panda feel woozy and sick in her tummy.

Mrs. Stephens lead her in to the house, pointing out the bathroom, kitchen and bedrooms as she went. They stopped in a bedroom that was bigger than any of the rooms Panda had been in before. One wall was painted the same way the sky looked, with fluffy white clouds. The bed had a cloud blanket on it too. Beside the bed, a book shelf with books stood. Panda’s fingers itched to read them all. Across from the bed, at the cloud wall was a toy chest with a few stuffed animals on it. Mrs. Stephen’s set her bag on the small black dresser and promised to help her unpack later. Panda followed, somewhat reluctantly as Mrs. Stephens lead her back to the kitchen.

Miss Nia directed her to sit at the table. Mrs. Stephens brought out some carrots and an apple for Panda to eat. Miss Nia and Mrs. Stephens sat at the table with her.

Miss Nia spoke first, ‘now Panda this is your very first foster home, so there are some things you need to know. Some rules we all have to follow.’

Panda set the apple she had been about to eat down. She pushed the plate away from her slightly, no longer feeling hungry. Of course there were rules. Everyone wanted something. Panda supposed the Stephens just wanted someone to clean the house and to practice being parents on until their baby arrived. They’d get rid of her then. Or they’d make her change all the dirty diapers and do all the cleaning. Panda supposed it could be worse.

‘Are you not hungry sweetie?’ Mrs. Stephens asked gently, her face looking all pulled together. Panda ignored the question. ‘That’s okay Panda. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to,’ the woman said softly. Panda thought she looked a little sad though.

Miss Nia nodded, ‘that’s right but I do need you to listen to Mrs. and Mr. Stephens. They are responsible for keeping you safe.’ Miss Nia went on to explain that she was supposed to treat Mrs. Stephens and Mr. Stephens like she would her teachers or the caregivers back in the group home. She explained that she would be visiting Panda regularly and that Panda could always call her if she needed to. Panda listened in silence waiting for the adults to dismiss her.

When they did, Panda headed back toward the room that was supposed to be hers. She paused in the hallway to listen to Miss Nia and Mrs. Stephens talk.

‘She really won’t talk?’ Mrs. Stephens asked sounding upset.

‘She can talk but she’s choosing not to. So far, the only thing we have been able to get her to talk about is the doctor who reported her. Doctor Isles.’ Miss Nia replied, ‘I think she bonded deeply with the doctor and is still a little in shock that she cannot stay with the doctor.’

‘I’ll admit, I’m surprised she cannot stay with the doctor either. Would it not be in her best interest?’ Mrs. Stephens asked.

Panda heard Nia sigh. ‘Maybe, I don’t know. The doctor, at the moment is not a foster parent though.’

‘Oh,’ Mrs. Stephens replied, ‘is there anything I should do to help her?’

Panda walked away then. She didn’t need to know what else they said, not when Panda already knew. The only person who could help her was Doctor Isles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This first scene insisted on being rewritten multiple times this weekend, I apologise for it's fickleness. 
> 
> 2\. I took liberties with the first foster placement process. I have some limited secondhand experience with it but nothing personal. I came at it with the mindset of two safe and empathetic adults and a trauma heart hardened six year old. I apologize if I have made any agregious errors. 
> 
> 3\. Mrs. Stephens is a tribute to my friend who has fostered. I won't share too much of her story here but I will say that Mrs. Stephens will be a foster mother befitting my friend. She will love Panda well though it may take time for Panda to feel it. I promised I was writing Panda a better story. :)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: fleeing abuse

Jane grinned at her class of recruits. It was deadline day. Which meant she was either going to be very pleased with her recruits or very disappointed. Jane watched as the recruits filed in, each one diligently placing a report on her podium. Most of the students had refused to meet her eye. With each additional meek recruit, Jane’s grin grew bigger. She was pretty sure she had managed to pull the wool over their eyes. Only two recruits, looked even moderately comfortable.

‘So,’ Jane began when every one had taken their seat. ‘How is everybody feeling about this assignment?’ Maura would have told her she was gloating. Jane didn’t particularly care. She cackled happily when the class grumbled in response. ‘Well the good news is, you get another shot. Break in to partners. You all get to take a shot at confirming or busting your theory in the interrogation room.’

‘That’s not fair,’ one of the men grumbled to his friend, ‘she’s the one with all the information.’

Jane pounced. ‘Thank you for that fine assessment Mr. Whitehead.’ Her grin was borderline predatory. Her poor, poor recruits. ‘And who else here feels I am being unfair?’ It took the class a few moments. Some muttering, others hesitant but almost every one raised their hands. Only two of the women did not. ‘Recruit Baccay, I see you aren’t raising your hand. Care to comment?’

The woman was petite, all of 5 feet tall. Jane was fairly certain she was Filipino, her hair black and worn long past her shoulders. Her eyes were a dark brown and her skin darker. Jane didn’t pick favourites but if she had to put money on a recruit going on to do good things, Baccay was her bet. She was soft spoken most of the time but Jane saw the determined set of her jaw that told her she could give as good as she got. ‘I don’t think you’re being unfair ma’am,’ Baccay replied steadily.

‘Why recruit?’ Jane asked.

‘You are my commanding officer,’ Baccay responded with a shrug.

‘So you just follow orders blindly recruit?’ Jane pressed.

‘No Ma’am,’ Baccay replied her voice steady, a glint beginning in her eye.

‘So what is it recruit?’ Jane sensed more than knew that Baccay was at the precipice.

‘I’m an investigator, Ma’am.’ Baccay began, her eyes growing steely, ‘you gave me a case to solve. It’s my job to solve it. Even if the odds are against me. Even if you are a more experienced player.’ Jane nodded and encouraged her to go on. ‘There will always be someone playing dirty, someone with more experience or more smarts. At least in here, it’s only a game. In the real world, it is life and death.’

Jane smiled, pleased with her recruits answer. ‘I noticed you didn’t raise your hand either recruit Dhar.’ Dhar was taller than Baccay, of Indian descent rather than pacific islander. Her features were sharper, her hair wavier. The two tended to be inseparable, as two of the only recruits who were women of colour. Baccay tended to be serious, determined. She was quick and decisive. Dhar was a more jovial sort, though her good nature didn’t take away from her efficiency. Jane thought Dhar was made for undercover work, she was slippery, likeable and smart. She read people better than Jane herself did and rarely gave up information on herself. Jane was willing to bet half the recruits adored Dhar, thought of her as a good friend, but as far as Jane had seen, only Baccay really knew the other woman.

Dhar smiled, ‘no ma’am I didn’t.’

Jane smiled back, ‘care to share with your less evolved peers why?’

Dhar’s smile took on the barest hint of Jane’s own predatory feelings, ‘I didn’t raise my hand because we’ve had a week to discover where you went. A week to gather the same level of intelligence that you have. If _we_ did _our_ jobs then you haven’t bowled us over at all. We haven’t a sticky wicket. It’s simply time to play the game.’

Jane turned on Whitehead, ‘so what do you say Recruit? Ready to play some cricket?’ The man was blushing a furious red. Jane wasn’t entirely sure he understood the point, but perhaps he would appreciate his fellow a bit more. If Jane was certain about Dhar and Baccay, Jane was equally as uncertain of Whitehead. He was unfortunately whiney, often shirking the boring parts of his work. Jane wasn’t entirely certain he had the necessary discipline to be an agent.

Jane turned to the rest of the class, ‘you will have the rest of the hour, that’s thirty minutes mind you, to come up with your opening questions. After we will relocate to interrogation where you will all watch one another. You may incorporate any information garnered from your peers in to your own interrogation, who knows, perhaps you will even be able to break me.’ The grin on Jane’s face let the recruits know that would be no easy task. ‘Whitehead you’re batting first. Baccay, Dhar you’re last.’ Jane knew he would take it as a punishment for complaining. After all, the first few interrogators would not benefit from watching their peers. In actuality, Jane suspected only Baccay and Dhar had a suspicion of where she had been. She didn’t want the jig to end too quickly.

Thirty five minutes later found Jane in interrogation. ‘Alright you will all have _fifteen minutes_ to interrogate me. You are permitted to use any legal tactic to acquire the information. I highly doubt you’ll be able to gather an entire timeline in fifteen minutes, so focus on the key pieces you need to confirm your theory. Whitehead, Robins, your fifteen minutes start now. The following pair will knock at the two minute warning and again when your time is up.’ Jane settled in to her chair and sank in to her hidden mind. It was a place she had built while under cover to keep any pertinent information from slipping.

The interrogation room was similar to any real interrogation room, sparse and uncomfortable, with no windows, no clocks, no real way to tell how long she had been there. The only real difference was that behind the double sided glass was a classroom. Jane’s internal clock had told her it had been about five minutes before the two men entered. Jane watched them as they settled in to their seats looking far less comfortable than she felt. She would have to remind the class that they owned the interrogation room, not their suspects.

‘So Miss Rizzoli,’ Whitehead began.

Jane cut him off, ‘it’s Agent Rizzoli.’

Whitehead winced, ‘sure. Agent Rizzoli, where were you this past weekend?’

Jane felt somewhat shocked and offended. He wasn’t even trying. ‘At home, sick.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that, just a common cold?’ Whitehead asked. He looked entirely bored.

Mentally, Jane wanted to kick him. He wasn’t taking this seriously. ‘Yep. Common cold.’

Robins asked, ‘were you running a fever?’

‘Maybe, didn’t check but I felt feverish.’ Jane replied.

Robins did some digging from there, trying to catch Jane in a lie. Whitehead, remained mostly silent. When they had gotten no where and the two minute knock came, Whitehead shrugged and said, ‘sounds like you were home sick.’ He left without another word. Jane resisted reacting, knowing the class was watching. Besides if Whitehead was determined to fail, she wasn’t going to stand in his way. When the next knock came, Robins politely excused himself. The next pair entering.

The next hour and a half ticked by in a barrage of questions and interrogation techniques. None of her recruits were particularly on track. A few, like Robins had tried to catch her in a lie about her sickness. A few others had tried to ask about what she did, be it reading or watching tv. Jane realised, none of her students had even come close to discovering her weekend in New York. By Jane’s count, the next pair would be Dhar and Baccay.

The two entered the room, Baccay looking angry and Dhar smiling lazily. Jane would have laughed at the trope except it wasn’t entirely a joke. Dhar spoke first, ‘I’m so sorry to have kept you here this long Agent Rizzoli.’

Jane smiled. ‘It’s okay. I volunteered for it.’

‘Yes, you did,’ Dhar said, smiling that infectious smile, ‘we have just a few more details to confirm.’ Dhar nodded at Baccay.

‘Do you like dogs Agent Rizzoli?’ Baccay asked.

‘Not really. They tend to smell,’ Jane commented. It was technically true.

‘Yet you own two dogs, do you not?’ Baccay asked.

‘I do,’ Jane confirmed, ‘Boston and Berry. Not my idea, for the record.’

‘Whose idea were they?’ Baccay asked.

Jane didn’t know how to answer that without giving up a key piece of this puzzle: Maura. Jane shrugged.

‘Probably the roommates,’ Dhar said with a teasing grin at Baccay, the girls roomed together. ‘Roommates always get these _ideas._ ’ She crinkled her nose in amusement.

Baccay stared at her, ‘really. You’re getting in to that here.’ She shot a nervous glance at the two way mirror behind them. Jane was intrigued. There was a story there.

‘Look, I’m just saying, when you have a roommate sometimes you find yourself doing things you wouldn’t expect.’ Dhar held her hands up in a placating way, ‘like getting dogs when you don’t want a pet.’

‘Can we _please_ stay on topic?’ Baccay asked.

‘Yes, yes,’ Dhar replied with a teasing grin. ‘So you own two dogs with your roommate. Can you tell us your roommates name?’

Jane considered a moment. She supposed she _could_ give it to them but she suspected that they already knew. She shrugged, ‘I hardly see how that applies.’

‘You don’t?’ Dhar asked her eyebrows raising, ‘if you gave us your roommates name, we could confirm you really were home, ill.’

‘No she couldn’t. She wasn’t at home,’ Jane replied automatically. She realised a bit lately she had unintentionally given them more than she intended.

‘Your roommate wasn’t home the entire weekend you were ill?’ Baccay asked.

Jane just nodded.

‘Sounds like she was out of town. Too busy to check in on a sick friend,’ Dhar replied with a lazy smile. Jane felt on high alert now. They were getting somewhere. Jane was impressed and determined to not give up any more. ‘I would _love_ to go on a vacation at the moment,’ Dhar continued. ‘Where would you go Baccay?’

‘What?’ Baccay asked, ‘why does it matter?’

‘Because I’m curious,’ Dhar replied, a slight pout on her face, ‘if you could go any where in the world right now, where would you go?’

‘Dhar…’ Baccay said, her voice warning.

‘I’d go back to India. The weather in the fall is lovely and all the tourists have gone home. I’d have some fresh mango over a bowl of rice on the veranda.’ Dhar sighed, her eyes glazing over.

Baccay glared, then answered with a furious blush, ‘Denver. I’d go to Denver. I want to see the mountains in the fall.’

Dhar smiled, ‘see that wasn’t so hard. How about you Agent Rizzoli? Where would you go?’

‘Boston,’ Jane replied. Maura was in Boston right now, that’s where Jane would go.

‘Really? You’d go home?’ Baccay asked, ‘you’ve had like forty falls in Boston.’

Jane chuckled at that, ‘doesn’t change my answer.’

‘Really?’ Dhar asked, those eyebrows arching gracefully again, ‘because you seemed awfully eager for your visit to New York. Texting your neighbour last minute to watch your dogs.’

Jane grinned. They had really done it. She felt absurdly proud of the pair. The game, however, was not over. She wanted to see just how far they had gotten. Jane shrugged again.

‘The airlines confirmed that you had a reservation from DC to New York flying out Friday and returning on Sunday.’ Baccay, slid a printout of her flight information. Jane was impressed.

‘What we couldn’t find,’ Dhar said leaning forward, ‘was a hotel reservation.’

‘Which means, you were with someone,’ Baccay said.

Jane shrugged, ‘maybe I used a different name.’

Dhar shook her head, ‘it’s possible but not probable. Unless, of course, you’d care to share that information.’

Jane shook her head.

‘Your family is in Boston, with the exception of your father whose listed address is in Florida.’ Baccay offered, ‘so probably not family.’

‘Then there’s the fact that you left last minute. The airline confirmed you bought a same day ticket and, of course,’ Dhar continued, ‘we had no prior knowledge of you leaving. So that means this trip was either an emergency or….’

‘Of the spontaneous variety.’ Baccay finished.

‘Seeing as you do not seem particularly troubled,’ Dhar replied, ‘I’m guessing the later.’

Jane grinned, ‘it’s all some very lovely guesswork but I’m afraid that so far, that is all you have.’

‘True,’ Baccay said with a shrug.

‘Very true,’ Dhar said with a smile.

‘Brava to both of you, you did better than I expected,’ Jane said standing.

‘Thank you,’ Baccay replied. ‘It was a challenging and insightful experiment.’ 

‘Sure was,’ Dhar said with a lopsided grin. The girls stood to leave. ‘Say, Agent Rizzoli?’

‘Yes recruit Dhar?’ Jane asked.

‘Will you be seeing Dr. Isles in Baltimore too?’

The question left Jane floundering. She was well and truly impressed. They had pieced it all together. ‘How did you?’

Baccay shrugged and smiled, ‘you wanted to go to Boston. That’s where her book tour is at the moment.’

Dhar was still grinning and opened the door for the three of them. Baccay left first. Jane feeling a bit stunned. As she passed, Dhar whispered so that only Jane could hear, ‘Dr. Isles is beautiful, you are very fortunate.’ Jane blinked. She supposed it wasn’t hard to guess that a last minute trip was a romantic kind but she was still impressed that Dhar, at least, had it all sorted.

Jane tried to compose herself as they walked in to the classroom side of interrogation room. They entered to applause. Baccay, blushing furiously took her seat and hid her face. Dhar, however, took several bows before settling in to her seat. Jane congratulated the pair and dismissed the class. She was impressed and she missed Maura. Jane pouted. Baltimore was too far away.

* * *

Mia Russo hastily packed the car. Her husband had disappeared a few days ago. He hadn’t told her where he was going or why. Mia didn’t really care. All she knew was that he would be back. Mia and her two younger children couldn’t be there when he did. Mia had packed suitcases and taken anything of value. She would head south then west. Vinnie would try to follow her but Mia wouldn’t make it easy. She knew there were other MEND clinics in the rural parts of the south. She would head that way. They could help her. Mia felt a pang of hurt. She supposed she could have gone back to the clinic here in Virginia. Tried to find her eldest daughter but Isabella was safer without her. Mia was afraid. Afraid her daughter might hate her for abandoning her. Afraid that she would be arrested for abandoning her daughter. Afraid she would leave her boys in their fathers care. No. What was done, was done. Isabella was safer now. Mia just had to get out of state. Then maybe she and her boys would have a chance. Mia slammed the trunk of her car. She refused to cry. Refused to look back. She had thought that if she got Isabella to safety, Vinnie would stop hurting people. Instead he had turned his fists on her. On their boys. Mia couldn’t let that happen.

Mia climbed in the drivers seat and looked at her boys. They were asleep in their car seats. Mia knew she wasn’t the best mother. She knew she hadn’t been able to protect all of her children. Mia knew what she had done to Isabella was wrong. She knew running was wrong. But Mia didn’t know what else to do. All she knew was she had two sleeping boys to protect. She started the car and backed out of the driveway, watching as the house that had been her living nightmare faded in to the darkness, never to be seen again. Mia didn’t breath properly until they crossed the state line in to Kentucky some hours later.

Vinnie would never find them. Mia would make sure of that.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Internalised homophobia, Child Protective Services visit, mentions of abuse

Maura had said goodbye to the last interviewer of the day and was ready to head home. Being in Boston helped, tremendously, she got to go back to her house. She got to make her food and wake to her coffee machine and her alarm. Really, Maura shouldn’t complain but Maura missed Jane. She missed Berry and Boston. She missed being _home._ As much as she loved her house in Boston, she loved her people in Boston, home was where Jane was. It was why she had moved to Quantico in the first place. She would be sad when she left for Chicago but every new city was another step closer to home.

Maura had ordered a rideshare and on the drive she allowed herself to daydream. She and Jane were dating now, which meant that there were certain possibilities she could realistically imagine now. Sex, certainly, but beyond that… marriage, children, building a home. Maura had only been tangentially interested in those things before. She was intrigued by the notion of being a mother but had never been interested in trying even when she’d had a steady committed relationship. Maura was rich enough that single parenting would not have been a problem, she would have been able to hire all the help she needed. Now, though, Maura felt a sort of sweet heart ache at the notion of parenting with Jane. She had wanted to help Jane when she was pregnant before but now? Now she wanted to share in the adventure with Jane.

Marriage was another new imagining. Maura had married Edward when they were young and foolish. It hadn’t been a ‘real’ marriage by any stretch of the imagination. They were hardly a real couple. Maura had never had the desire to remarry. She liked her independence, her freedom. More importantly, she really liked not having in-laws. Jane, however, was a different story. In many ways, Maura had more of a real marriage to Jane than she had, had to Edward. In fact, Maura was relatively certain that were they to marry, very little of their day to day lives would change much. They shared a house, a bed, their meals. They took turns doing chores, they took care of one another. Jane was already her emergency contact and her primary beneficiary. Maura had even accepted responsibility for Angela, treating her as her own mother. Maura suspected the real differences between what she and Jane were now and what they would be if they married were largely symbolic. Yet she wanted it. She wanted the certainty of her and Jane on paper. Wanted to share their love with their family, the world. She wanted to be Jane’s wife, which was both the most natural thing in the world and entirely insane. After all, it had been one date.

Maura smiled as she looked out the window. If you had asked her a year ago if someone, any one, could know that they wanted to marry someone after one date Maura would have laughed and offered statistics on arranged marriages. Maura knew though. Maura wanted to marry Jane. She wanted to be the legally recognised spouse and family of Jane Rizzoli. She wanted forever with Jane. Forever and everything that entailed.

The car stopped outside her town house and Maura left with a quiet thank you. She began the process of unwinding from her day. Hanging her things, taking off her shoes. Maura poured herself some wine and fixed herself a simple but healthy salad. When she settled in to her place at the island, Maura called Jane.

‘Maura!’ Jane answered with a jovial hello. ‘God, I miss you!’

Maura smiled, her heart thumping. ‘I miss you too Jane,’ Maura replied.

‘Remind me,’ Jane asked, ‘what days are you in Philadelphia?’

‘Mmm,’ Maura said through a bite. When she finished chewing she replied, ‘Saturday night through Tuesday morning, why?’

‘I know we agreed in New York that I wouldn’t but I’m thinking me and the pups are going to make the drive,’ Jane said, ‘it’s only like 3 hours.’

‘Jane,’ Maura half whispered. She wanted to see Jane so badly but she also hated the idea of Jane making a three hour drive each way.

‘Come on Maura,’ Jane replied, her voice soft too, ‘I miss you. So do the girls.’

Maura realised Jane was asking permission. Jane wanted to come but she wanted Maura to be on board. ‘You don’t have to drive. You could take the train or fly.’

‘Yeah, but if I drive, I can bring the girls,’ Jane said and in a much more infantile tone she said, ‘and the girls really want to go for a trip, don’t you girls, don’t you.’ Maura could hear the yips of the girls wrestling in the background.

The idea of getting to see all three of her girls was too tempting to bear. ‘Fine, I’ll confirm that the hotel permits dogs.’

‘Yay! We get to go see Maura and buy cheesesteaks!’ Jane said gleefully to two happily yipping dogs.

Maura rolled her eyes and chuckled but secretly, she was pretty excited too. ‘How was class? Did any of them manage to bust your alibi?’

‘Actually,’ Jane said sounding serious, ‘they did! Dhar and Baccay. They totally figured it all out. Even asked if I would be seeing you in Baltimore.’

‘Wow,’ Maura said with a laugh, ‘you must be proud!’

Jane hummed her agreement, ‘it’s kinda weird though too, it was a little unsettling.’

Maura laughed, ‘how so? You essentially dared them to do this.’

‘I know,’ Jane said even sounding uncomfortable, ‘I just… I guess I thought I would beat them.’

‘Oh!’ Maura exclaimed, ‘you mean to say, you don’t like losing!’

‘I did _not_ lose Maura,’ Jane said with a grunt.

‘You so did,’ Maura replied, ‘you dared them to bust your alibi and you bet that they wouldn’t be able to do it but they did.’

‘ _They_ didn’t,’ Jane said, a slight whine in her tone letting Maura know she was right. ‘Dhar and Baccay did. Totally different. I think they might be a couple.’

Maura laughed, ‘oh what makes you think that?’

‘I dunno,’ Jane answered honestly, ‘they just… remind me of us. You know? Like they’re super close, super comfortable roommates who are maybe a bit more than roommates. Plus Dhar seemed way too comfortable assuming we were a couple.’

‘We are a couple Jane,’ Maura pointed out.

‘Well, yeah, but not like a super obvious out-loud couple,’ Jane said, ‘we’re like a lowkey, down low, secret couple.’

‘Oh,’ Maura replied, feeling uncertain, ‘were you wanting to keep our relationship hidden?’

‘I mean, I don’t think I want to tattoo a rainbow flag to my forehead,’ Jane said sassily.

Maura frowned, ‘there’s probably some compromise to be had between being a secret and you tattooing something on your forehead.’

Jane sighed, ‘I know. I just… I’m not exactly comfortable being ‘out’ you know?’

Maura didn’t exactly understand. She had always felt her own sexual preferences lay on a spectrum and she had never felt any particular need to defend those preferences to anyone. Attraction was biological, automatic, and uncontrollable. ‘I guess, I didn’t realise you wanted us to be a secret. Perhaps, I misunderstood, given that we have kissed, held hands, and dated in public.’

‘I’m not saying I want to hide it,’ Jane was getting defensive, ‘I just don’t want to go shouting it from roof tops that I’m with you, okay.’

Maura felt a whimper in her chest, a sob threatening to spill. It hurt to hear Jane say that. Maura steadied herself before she spoke, trying to keep the emotion from her voice, ‘I’m afraid I still don’t understand.’

Jane was silent for a moment. ‘I’m sorry Maura, I didn’t mean that. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I love being with you and I really am proud to be with you, to claim you as mine. I’m just not... you know… gay pride proud.’

Maura sniffled quietly, hoping Jane wouldn’t hear. ‘I was thinking about what it would be like to marry you on the way home today. What it would be like to tell the whole world that you are mine.’ It was an admission Maura was surprised she was making. She supposed relationships were built on honesty but it still left her feeling vulnerable.

‘You were?’ Jane asked, her voice sounding small.

‘I was,’ Maura confirmed, ‘I’m not ashamed of who I am or of the relationship we have. I want to be your legal family. I want to be yours.’

‘I want that too Maur,’ Jane whispered, ‘I really do, please believe me.’

‘I do,’ Maura murmured, ‘but we can’t do that if you want to hide me.’

Jane sighed, ‘I don’t want to hide you I just wish….’

‘That I were a man?’ Maura asked.

‘What?’ Jane sounded appalled, ‘no! I love that you’re a woman. You’re beautiful. And I love seeing you in heels and a dress, and my god, the way you smell and how soft you are. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.’

‘So you wish you were a man?’ Maura asked, feeling confused.

Jane laughed, ‘I mean sometimes I think it’d be easier to pee with a man’s assets but no I don’t want to be a guy. I wouldn’t change the fact that we’re women.’

‘So what would you wish for?’ Maura asked, her eyebrows knitted together as she tried to puzzle it out.

‘That I was more comfortable with my sexuality. That I didn’t have this guilt about it. That I wasn’t constantly thinking about what the world is going to say. I don’t know.’ Jane offered, trying to express herself. ‘You’re so calm and confident about it. About us, about being gay, about sex. I wish I was that way.’

‘Jane,’ Maura whispered tenderly, ‘you define your sexuality. If being gay doesn’t fit, then it doesn’t fit. Just because society tells you that you fit in a box, it doesn’t mean you have to try and fit.’

‘Maur?’ Jane asked sounding hesitant but curious, ‘how do you define your sexual orientation?’

Maura smiled, ‘I usually say fluid.’

‘Fluid, is that a thing?’ Jane asked. ‘Is it like LGBTQ-F?’

Maura chuckled, ‘I don’t know… it just… fits. I’ve never really felt confined, you know. My attraction is what it is.’

‘How do you not care what other people think?’ Jane asked, sounding tentative.

‘I don’t. I care a great deal about what other people think,’ Maura replied in surprise, ‘I just… selectively choose whose opinions I care about. Like you. I care a great deal about what you think.’

Jane sighed, ‘I used to think I was good at not caring but I don’t know. Now I think, maybe, I’m not.’

‘You might have some internalised homophobia,’ Maura offers quietly, ‘it wouldn’t be surprising given that you were raised in the church.’

Jane was quiet for a minute. Maura let her process. ‘Maybe.’ It was all Jane had to offer.

‘I also wanted to say,’ Maura continued, feeling her cheeks flush, ‘I’m not calm about the sex bit, at all. I’m a nervous wreck when I think about it.’

‘You are?’ Jane asked, ‘because I’m totally a mess when I think about it. And not _that_ kind of mess.’

‘Its always a little nerve wracking to be with a new partner, especially one that is a different gender than you’re accustomed to,’ Maura offered. ‘In my experience, the more you like them the more nervous it makes you.’

‘So how do you handle it Maura?’ Jane asked. She felt childish, like she should have had this conversation with her mother a good 30 years ago.

Maura hummed softly, considering. ‘I think talking about it helps, talking about what you like and don’t like, and then talking through the process. It helps that I have anatomical familiarity. I also remind myself that if I’m nervous because I like someone, it is likely that I will be sensitive and responsive to their touch regardless of actual skill. So knowing that we are both nervous simply reassures me that any mistakes we make in our first few attempts will be blissfully forgotten in a bath of oxytocin after the fact.’

Jane chuckled, ‘you mean it’ll feel good because we like each other so damn much.’

Maura laughed, ‘in layman’s terms, yes.’

Jane sighed, shifting the phone in her hands, ‘we’ll talk about it right? When we’re, when I’m, ready?’

‘Of course,’ Maura replied, ‘always.’

Jane cleared her throat, ‘good, I, uh, know I’m not ready yet, but I want to be. You know?’

Maura smiled, ‘take as long as you need, Jane.’

‘Thanks, Maura,’ Jane murmured, ‘and I’ll think about the whole internalised homophobia thing. I promise.

‘Good because being a part of a community that understands and supports you is important,’ Maura replied softly, without any judgement. Teasingly, she continued, ’besides I have a great idea for a tattoo!’

Jane groaned and the pair moved on to other topics, spending the rest of the night talking to each other.

* * *

Nia checked the address on her case file, confirming the address. She had been called in to do a welfare visit for a family whose sons had not shown up to preschool after the mother had shown up with bruises on her face. Nia watched as the police escorting her walked to the door and knocked. She frowned as they knocked again. She had a feeling that her morning was about to get a lot more complicated. She watched as the police wandered around the house, peeking in windows and checking the backyard. After several long minutes, one officer returned to the squad car, the other tapped walked over to her.

‘No answer but all the blinds are closed. Can’t see anything inside,’ the woman replied, ‘we can’t enter without cause.’

Nia nodded, ‘thank you officer. Will you be able to stay nearby while I interview the neighbours?’

‘We’ll be on hand, my partners radioing in now,’ the woman said, jabbing her thumb in her partners direction, ‘and if we get called away, we’ll let you know before we go.’

Nia nodded, ‘thank you Officer Davis.’ Nia felt better knowing they would be on hand. She knew domestic violence cases could get heated and Nia definitely appreciated the back up. She also knew that the relations between the police and the community was frayed. 

Nia climbed out of her car and headed to the neighbour on the left. She knocked and waited. When no one answered, she knocked again this time speaking loudly. ‘Virginia Child Protective Services, I just want to ask you a few questions about your neighbours.’ Nia glanced at the driveway, noting the car there. Nia knocked one last time, ‘please we need help to ensure that their children are safe.’ When no one answered, Nia sighed and walked to the neighbour on the right. Sometimes, it worked. Sometimes, the neighbours were worried or wanted to help. Sometimes, they just wanted an excuse to gossip about the neighbours. Most of the time, it didn’t. People took one look at the police officers behind her, heard the words ‘child protective services’ and they refused to open up. All Nia wanted was to protect kids but the politics between those governing and the community made her job that much harder. 

Nia knocked on the right neighbours door. A little girl who looked not quite six yet, answered almost immediately. Nia knelt down, ‘hello, my name is Nia Williams and I’m with those police officers over there. We need to ask the adult of the house some very important questions, are they here?’

The little girls eyes grew wide with fear. Nia heard the beads in her braids clack as she called to her mother, ‘MAMA!’

Nia smiled reassuringly, ‘it’s okay. We’re just here to talk.’

‘Ella, what on Earth?’ Nia assumed the woman coming down the hallway was her mother. ‘Oh, hello.’ The woman was polite but guarded. She ushered the girl, inside the house. Nia stood to talk with the woman.

‘My name is Nia Williams and I’m with Virginia’s Protective Services. I’d like to ask you some questions about your neighbours.’ She pointed to the house she meant. ‘An anonymous welfare check was called in but we have been unable to get anyone to answer the door.’

The woman sighed, stepping outside and closing her door behind her. ‘I don’t know much but I’ll tell you what I can Miss Williams.’

‘Thank you,’ Nia said earnestly, ‘can I have your name for the record?’ The woman shook her head. ‘Okay, how about off the record then?’

‘Brown,’ the woman offered. Nia wasn’t sure if it was her actual surname or not but she would take it.

‘According to our records, the Russo’s live in that house. Vincent, Mia and their two sons Vincent Junior and Emiliano. Is that correct Mrs. Brown?’ Nia asked.

‘Mmmhmmm, and their eldest daughter Isabella. Though I haven’t seen her in the last week or more.’

‘Isabella Russo,’ Nia asked her brow furrowing. ‘We don’t have any record of her, how old is she? What school does she attend?’

‘She’s a little older than my Ella. I’ve never seen her attend a school. I assumed she’s homeschooled.’ Mrs. Brown said shuffling her feet.

Nia wrote the information down, her stomach churning. ‘When was the last time you saw the boys?’

‘They was hooting and hollering as Mia was packing up their car maybe two days ago.’ Mrs. Brown replied. ‘She had suitcases and toys, seemed in a mighty big hurry too.’

Nia frowned. ‘Did you ask where she was going?’

‘Nope,’ Mrs. Brown replied, ‘we were friendly enough on account of my Ella and her Isabella getting along but she isn’t a trusting sort. I figured, it was better to keep my nose out of her business.’ The woman bit her lip, ‘she didn’t look well though.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘She was bruised. Had the look of a woman haunted.’ Mrs. Brown said, ‘maybe I’m overreaching but it looked to me like maybe Vinnie had gotten violent.’

That tracked with what the school had said, ‘has Mia been back at all since she left? Is it possible she was running? Does she have family out of town?’

Mrs. Brown shook her head, ‘no one’s been home in days and as far as I know, Mia hasn’t got any family. Mia and Vinnie they weren’t exactly the vacationing type.’ She frowned deeper, ‘I’d say that she was running only I didn’t see Isabella with her. That don’t seem right. How could a woman flee without all of her children?’

Nia had a nagging feeling that she knew why the woman had left without her eldest daughter. After all, how many abandoned six year old girls were there in the area. ‘Do you remember anything about the car? A license plate, a make, model, colour?’

The woman thought for a moment. ‘It was older, early 2000’s at the youngest. It was navy blue. A four door sedan type. Maybe a honda or ford. It had the mountain plate on it. I think the plate started with a V. Maybe a VH but I’m not sure.’

Nia wrote that down too, waving Officer Davis over. ‘What about Mr. Russo, what can you tell me about him?’

Mrs. Brown shrugged. ‘Not much,’ she said, ‘I always avoided him. Ella was under strict orders to come home when he did. Never did see the man sober.’

Nia handed Davis the license plate information. ‘Do you know where he works? What he drives?’

Mrs. Brown shook her head, ‘he drove a pickup, maybe a 90’s ford. It was a beater with rust. Sounds like a motorcycle coming down the road. Don’t know about the plates. Don’t know where he works but it might be a job in construction. He always had tools rattling around the back, wore real thick boots with the steal toe and I think I saw a yellow hard hat once or twice.’

Officer Davis nodded, taking the car information back to the squad car. ‘Do you have any photos of the Russo’s or their cars? We could use them to help identify them,’ Nia was actually hoping for a photo of Isabella.

Mrs. Brown swiped through her phone, looking for a photo that would help. Nia scribbled down more notes. ‘Here’s one of the kids at Ella’s birthday. I had to beg Mia to let them come but Ella didn’t want to have a birthday without her best friend there.’

She showed the screen to Nia. Ella was in the center, her hair braided with a toothy grin. Vincent Junior and Emil, were to her left. Vincent was all smiles, looking up at Ella. Emil had frosting on his face and wore a grumpy frown. Nia recognised the two and four year old from their school photos. To Ella’s right was Panda. She wore a happy smile but Nia could make out the hints of a bruise at the edge of her t-shirt. ‘Is this Isabella?’ Nia asked?

‘Mmm-hmmm, sweetest, shyest thing you’ll ever meet.’ Mrs. Brown frowned in concern, ‘I hope whatever is going on, she’s okay.’

‘Can you forward this to me?’ Nia asked. Mrs. Brown nodded and let Nia type in her information. Nia nodded in thanks, ‘I cannot share the details of an ongoing investigation but please know that we are doing everything we can to ensure all of these children are safe.’ Mrs. Brown nodded in a perfunctory manner. ‘Is there anything else you can think of that might help us?’

Mrs. Brown thought about it, ‘not really. Mia and Vinnie were loners. Didn’t share much. Didn’t like the neighbours. Weren’t liked by the neighbours. I always thought that had more to do with Vinnie than Mia.’

‘Thank you Mrs. Brown,’ Nia said, pulling out a card with her personal number, ‘if you see any of the Russo’s please call me. I also have given you my email. If you find any photos that could help, please forward them to me? And please, if you see Mr. Russo, don’t let him know we talked, it’s for your safety as well as the rest of the family’s.’

The woman nodded enthusiastically and tucked her card in a pocket. ‘Good luck Miss Williams.’ She went back inside, closing the door as Nia turned back to the officers.

Officer Davis smiled as she approached, ‘we’ve put Bolo’s out on the sedan but there’s not enough on the truck to get anything meaningful.’

‘I think Mia’s running. Maybe put the word out to shelters and clinics?’ Officer Davis nodded.

‘Did you get anything else on Vincent Russo?’ Davis asked.

‘Nothing helpful,’ Nia said with a sigh, ‘but I know someone.’ 

‘Hopefully, they’ll be able to help,’ Davis said with an encouraging smile.

Nia nodded. It was time to talk to Doctor Isles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. So I wanted to be realistic with these characters and their canon. While I absolutely believe the pair would end up together, I also believe Jane would struggle with her own identity a bit. It might be my own projecting but growing up in the church definitely resulted in some internalised homophobia and I feel like it would show up in really subtle ways for Jane. Maura is going to challenge the eff out of that, not having the same hang ups, but she'll always respect Jane's boundaries. It won't change the outcome and there definitely won't be the come-out-for-me-or-we're-done trope but it will be a point of tension between them.
> 
> 2\. I was going to have Nia do a small inner monologue on the relationship between the police and the communities with regard to violence and Black Lives Matter but it didn't really fit in full. That said, I do want to acknowledge that this a police centric story with police officers. It would be shamefully remiss to not bring up the fact that Black Lives Matter, that they are systemically oppressed and that the characters I am writing about have direct interaction with that. I have tried to be really intentional bringing people (and women especially) of color in to my story as the original Rizzoli and Isles was shamefully colorless. I also wanted to ensure that the Russo's were a white family because I did not want to bad-guy stereo-type the black/brown family. I also wanted to have Nia lead this investigation from a social worker perspective intentionally, with officers as back up not as primaries. 
> 
> 3\. If you have a problem with my above statement, please feel free to unsubscribe, unlike, or whatever you need to do. There's definitely no room for debate in the statement above. Black and brown folks matter, have worth and are deserving of safe space. They are not making it up, exaggerating or lying. There is no mistaking the oppression inherent in the system.


	31. Chapter 31

Maura hummed as she packed her bags. She flew to Philadelphia tonight which, in and of itself, was not exciting, but Jane was meeting her there. _That_ made all the difference in the world. She would get to see Jane, hold Jane, kiss Jane. Maura slowed for a moment, a silly smile crossing her face. She sighed happily.

Her phone ringing interrupted her reverie for Jane. Maura frowned when she saw who was calling: _Nia Williams._

‘Doctor Isles,’ Maura answered, taking a seat on the edge of her bed.

‘Hello Doctor Isles, this is Nia Williams with CPS,’ Nia began.

‘Hello Miss Williams, how can I help you? Is Panda okay?’ Maura asked, her heart beating faster as she considered all the reasons Nia _might_ be calling.

‘Her name is Isabella Russo and that is why I’m calling.’ Maura’s heart went in to overdrive, the blood rushing in her ears. ‘I need your help.’

‘My help?’ Maura asked, ‘what can I do? How can I help?’

‘We were called to do a welfare check for her two younger brothers, it was only by happenstance we were able to identify Isabella at all. A neighbour confirmed her identity with a photograph.’ Nia explained, ‘we believe the mother has run with her two young sons.’ Maura bit her tongue, genuinely trying hard not to cast judgement on a woman in such a hard situation. ‘The neighbour and the boys school both reported bruising on the mother’s face.’

‘She didn’t think he would turn on her,’ Maura replied in a whisper. ‘She thought that if she could just get Isabella out, everything would be alright. I tried to tell her that abusers escalate. Without help he was always going to turn on them.’

Nia sighed, ‘well, it sounds like you were right doc. Now I need your help talking to Panda. She’s the only one who can fill in the pieces, maybe tell us where her father is. We’d have enough to arrest him if she did.’

‘I don’t understand why you need my help,’ Maura answered, ‘surely you have more experience and rapport with her.’

Nia chuckled, ‘you’d think that but she’s imprinted on you doc. You nicknamed her Panda but she’s more like a duckling. The therapists and my own best guess is that you were the first genuinely safe, genuinely selfless adult she met. Couple that with your fancy Panda talk and boom. The problem is, she is having trouble connecting with any one else. She barely speaks and when she does she’s asking for you.’

‘Oh,’ Maura said. Her heart petering at the thought. She wanted to be there for Panda. She was grateful she had made Panda feel safe and saddened that she couldn’t make Panda feel better.

‘We think she’ll talk to you. We also have enough faith in you and your medical training that you won’t cause any more harm to come to the girl. So can we bring her by the clinic?’

‘Oh,’ Maura said with a sinking feeling, ‘No. I’m afraid, that is not possible.’

‘Oh,’ Nia’s voice sounded confused and perhaps a tad disappointed.

‘I’m not in town, I’m two weeks in to a twelve week book tour,’ Maura replied. ‘I’m flying to Philadelphia tonight and then to Chicago on Tuesday.’

‘Oh, that does make it difficult.’ Nia answered, ‘damn. I was really hoping we could get some back up from you.’

Maura had to resist the urge to cancel her flights, her book tour, everything. She wanted to be in Virginia. Wanted to be where Panda needed her. She counted to ten instead. ‘I’ll be in Baltimore in a month. I could arrange time to meet then or I could do a video call. Whatever you believe is most helpful.’

Nia was silent for a moment, ‘let’s try both. I’m really hoping to be able to find this family a lot sooner but we’ll have Baltimore as a back up, in case the video doesn’t work. Let me reach out to Panda’s foster mom. We can try to set something up for tomorrow if that works with your schedule.’

Maura knew she was busy, she knew she had responsibilities, Jane, the book tour. ‘Afternoon is best but I will make time regardless,’ and Maura would. Even if it meant leaving an interview or missing out on time with Jane.

‘Thank you so much Doctor Isles,’ Nia said with clear relief, ‘I know it’s a small thing but I think you might be able to help us crack this case.’

They said their goodbyes and Maura remained perched on the edge of her bed. Her heart hurt for Panda. For what that little girl had experienced. For what that family went through. And she was angry. Angry at Panda’s father for hurting her and her mother and her brothers. Angry at whatever had hurt _him_ so badly he had to spill that hurt on to everyone else around him. Maura let a handful of tears fall for the Russo’s. Then she carefully packed her feelings away to be dealt with at another time, when Jane was there to help her.

* * *

Jane had tried, genuinely tried, to time it so that she arrived in Philadelphia around the same time Maura did but traffic and the dogs taking _forever_ on their bathroom breaks, meant Maura had arrived and checked in to the airport before Jane was even in the city. Jane bounced in her seat as she navigated the streets to Maura’s hotel room. An outsider might think that Jane had downed a dozen cups of coffee on her drive but Jane knew. It wasn’t caffeine. It was Maura. Jane had never missed anyone as badly as she missed Maura the last week. She’d never felt so empty and off kilter. Hell, Jane loved when her previous relationships had been long distance. She had liked it, preferred it even, when Casey was out of town. It was suffocating when he would come sweeping in, cleaning her fridge, buying her groceries, upsetting her ecosystem. She never felt that way with Maura and Maura had cleaned, changed and upset her world far more than Casey ever had. Maybe it was that Casey always felt like a tsunami, sweeping in and changing everything in a weekend. Maura was like a stream, always shifting and changing the environment but she was so embedded in Jane’s life, Jane hardly noticed. Or maybe Jane just liked Maura more than she’d ever liked Casey. Jane grinned to herself. That was a distinct possibility.

Jane pulled in to the hotel parking lot and texted Maura, ‘we’re here! Meet us in the lobby?’ Jane grabbed the leashes, the dogs bad and her travel bag. Maura did one better, she met them outside. Jane’s greeting was rudely interrupted by the dogs who seemed to lose their mind. They tugged and pulled, Boston barking at the top of her lungs while Berry whined with a relentless determination. The dogs wound themselves around Maura, brushing against her legs and wrapping her in their leashes.

‘I told you they missed you,’ Jane said with a grin as she watched Maura try to simultaneously acknowledge the dogs and free herself from the tangled leashes.

‘Hi girls, yes, hi!’ Maura said, touching as much of the dogs as she could, ‘oh I missed you too! I missed you too!’

The dogs went on for a good several minutes and neither Jane nor Maura had the heart to stop them. When they both had settled, their leashes untangled and grasped firmly in hand, Jane swooped in. She tugged Maura in by her waist, wrapping her arms around the shorter woman and held her. Maura held back, tight. After Jane had surrounded herself with a sense of Maura, Jane pulled away. ‘Hi,’ Jane said with a smile. She pressed forward, meeting Maura’s lips in a sweet kiss. Jane could have gone on kissing her all night. She would have stood there for days, unmoving and unchanging if she just got to kiss Maura like this.

When, at last, they did pull away, Maura wore her own welcoming smile, her tone was soft and sultry but not overwhelmingly so, ‘hello Jane.’

‘God I missed you,’ Jane murmured, pulling Maura back in to her for a second hug. Maura merely hummed her agreement and nuzzled in to Jane’s neck. Jane wasn’t sure how long they would have stood there like that if it weren’t for the bellhop offering to take her bags.

Maura lead the three of them plus the bellhop to her room while Jane, grinning like a fool, followed happily along. ‘I hope you hadn’t eaten yet, I ordered something special for dinner,’ Maura said with a grin over her shoulder.

‘If my first meal in Philadelphia is not cheesesteak I am going to be very disappointed Maura!’ Jane teased warningly.

Maura opened the door, allowing the bellhop to place the bags inside. She slipped him a tip and he was gone. Jane looked around. Maura had done her best to set the mood. The lights were dimmed, allowing the cityscape to shine in. Maura had two covered plates set at the table and soft music playing from some unidentified source. ‘It’s beautiful Maura!’ Jane said with a smile.

The dogs, having been let off their leashes, were exploring the hotel suite. ‘I know it’s not the most romantic date in the world and I suppose we could go out but there’s something I wanted to talk to you about and then, honestly, I was hoping we could watch a movie and snuggle. I miss just being near you.’

‘Me too,’ Jane said, her heart feeling all sappy. ‘Soooooooo,’ Jane asked, ‘what did you get me?’

Maura laughed and pulled the coverings off with a flourish. Two Philly Cheesesteaks sat on a bed of leafy greens. Maura pulled out a bottle of wine and poured them both a glass.

‘Cheesesteaks!’ Jane did a happy dance as she took her seat, ‘best date ever!’

‘Well yours is a cheesesteak, mine is a cheese-mushroom,’ Maura said with a smile.

Jane made a gross face, ‘why would you do that to a classic?’ Maura laughed.

‘I assure you, they taste very much the same,’ Maura replied.

‘Nope,’ Jane said with a head shake, ‘nope. No. Nuh-uh. You aren’t going to get me to try a bite. Mushrooms taste like mushrooms. Cheesesteak tastes like beef. Delicious, mouthwatering, beef.’ Jane drooled slightly as she looked at her sandwich, ‘can we?’ She gestured at her plate. She was hungry and excited.

‘Dig in,’ Maura said with a happy smile as she sipped her wine.

Jane moaned at the first bite. It was so good. She almost missed the slight blush on Maura’s cheeks. Almost. Jane did try to be a little less sexual after that but it was hard. Jane loved food and good food was practically orgasmic. ‘So,’ Jane asked, ‘what did you want to talk about?’

Maura had just taken a bite of her own sandwich and she used the time she needed to chew to think. After she swallowed she decided that the blunt way was probably best. ‘I will have to step away for a bit tomorrow. I’m helping Child Protective Services do an interview with the kid I helped the day before I left.’

‘Oh,’ Jane said, ‘of course. That’s fine.’ Jane smiled, ‘I mean I really love spending time with you and don’t want to miss out on a minute but if you’re needed, you’re needed. I get that.’ Maura smiled. She was glad Jane was a quick learner. That she was reassuring Maura that she wanted to spend time together but she understood.

‘Thank you Jane,’ Maura said with a smile.

‘Of course, besides it gives me an excuse to go get another one of these!’ Jane said as she shoved another bite in to her mouth.

Maura grinned, ‘we are not having cheesesteaks for breakfast Jane.’ Judging from the muffled sound of protest, that had very much been Jane’s plan. Maura took her own bite and chewed thoughtfully. ‘How would you feel about having children? With me?’

Jane choked on the last bits of her mouthful. She coughed hard. When she had finally swallowed, she took a large gulp of wine to try and stop the burning in her throat. ‘What? You’re not pregnant right?’

Maura laughed, ‘no Jane. It’s been months since I’ve had intercourse.’

Jane blushed, ‘well we just… never established that we were exclusive and since we’re not, you know, I didn’t want to assume that you weren’t getting that need met elsewhere.’ Jane looked anywhere but at Maura.

‘Jane,’ Maura said with so much fondness it hurt, she took one of Jane’s hands in her own, ‘you’re right we haven’t talked about it. We should. I want to be exclusive. Just me and you. What are your preferences?’

Jane coughed again, feeling strangely intense about the whole thing, ‘I mean… yeah… I want us to be exclusive. But you’re a grown woman. You have needs. It’s okay. You know. To need. Things. And stuff. With other people. Who are ready. You know. When I’m not.’ Jane resisted the temptation to fan her face. She wasn’t some fainting damsel, though it was feeling extremely hot in here.

’I do have needs but I am a grown woman. I am more than capable of abstaining or handling my needs without the assistance of a partner. Besides,’ Maura brought Jane’s hands up to her lips and kissed it softly, tenderly, ‘I wouldn’t want to be with anyone but you. The waiting just makes it that much sweeter.’

Jane’s body was burning. She was going to burst in to flames. Spontaneous combustion was real. ‘Okay. So… we’re exclusive?’

Maura smiled, ‘yes, Jane. We’re exclusive.’

Jane’s heart did a tap dance in her chest. ‘Right,’ then Jane remembered what they had been talking about before, ‘so babies? Are we talking about your frozen eggs?’

Maura smiled, ‘children and no. While I was on the phone the social worker suggested I might be interested in becoming a foster parent. I hadn’t truthfully considered it before but I admit I’m intrigued. I know we’ve only been on one date. Well, now two, but what do you think? I certainly am not trying to rush you in to a decision.’

Jane took a sip of her wine and studied Maura. She was doing the polite feigning interest thing which told Jane it was something she really wanted. ‘Foster care huh?’ It was rhetorical but Jane was interested.

‘It feels a bit full circle for me what with my adoption. Like I’m giving back. Participating in a redemption arc,’ Maura explained.

‘Isn’t fostering usually temporary? Like you have to give the kid back?’ Jane asked.

‘There are different levels. You can be childcare or relief parents for longer term foster parents. You can be a temporary or emergency home for new placements, you can be a longer term placement, and there’s always foster to adopt where there’s a real possibility that the child placed with you, could stay with you on a permanent basis.’ Maura answered, clearly having done her research. It didn’t surprise Jane. Maura probably had several files already dedicated to the process.

‘I don’t know if I could give a kid back,’ Jane murmured, ‘especially not to an abusive situation.’

Maura nodded empathetically, ‘I think it would be really hard but everything I’ve read has indicated decently stringent requirements for birth parents to earn their parenting privileges back.’

‘But some do Maura. They earn them back and those kids go home and we just…’ Jane let the silence speak for itself. The heart ache, the pain, the uncertainty. ‘Wouldn’t outright adoption be better? Then we’d know the kid wasn’t going to be taken away. It would be safe to fall in love with them.’

Maura looked up at her, a strange look on her face, ’so you’d be willing to do it. To have children with me?’

Jane blinked, ‘well, duh smartypants. I thought we established that years ago.’

Maura smiled, her eyes growing wet, ‘I suppose we did.’

‘Yeah, so why would how we have kids make any difference? I mean, it’s not exactly like the traditional manner is going to work for us,’ Jane answered.

‘No,’ Maura replied with a chuckle, she dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. ‘It probably wouldn’t.’

‘So why fostering? Why not adopting?’ Jane asked, taking another bite of her sandwich.

Maura hummed thoughtfully, ‘I suppose the two weren’t all that different in my mind. There are no guarantees with adoption either. But beyond that… I keep going back to my last night in the clinic. That little girl was crying out, begging me to take her home. I found out today that I’m the only person she wants to see or talk to and I just keep thinking, what if I could? What if we were licensed foster parents so the next time a kid walks in to the clinic needing a home, I could just say yes? I could bring them home to you, to Berry, to Boston. We can make them feel safe and loved and taken care of.’

‘That’s a beautiful dream Maura,’ Jane said squeezing Maura’s hand. ‘It’s clear you’ve done your research. Can I have some time to do mine? I don’t want to give you an answer without knowing what we’re getting in to, okay?’

‘Of course Jane,’ Maura replied smiling, ‘like I said, I’m not in any rush. I kind of like having you all to myself.’

Jane chuckled at that. ‘I like you too Maura.’

‘So, what do you want to watch tonight?’ Maura asked, clearly creating space for Jane to change the subject.

Jane looked at Maura in the dimmed lights. Her smile was easy, relaxed. Her eyes twinkled. Jane had seen Maura mother before. She had seen Maura with TJ, holding him, feeding him. She had heard the lullabies she sang in a raspy tired voice. She knew what Maura looked like when she was protecting a child. Jane had watched as Maura held off a crazy baby-napping lady with just a scalpel as Jane cradled that baby to her body. Jane had no doubt Maura would be an incredible mother. Soft, sweet, smart, protective, caring. Jane knew Maura would be better than all of her mother’s combined. Jane was a little in awe of Maura. Some way, some how, Jane knew she wanted to watch Maura mother again. Jane wanted to parent with her. Jane wanted to see the mother bear fierce eyes and hear the raspy lullabies. Jane wanted to be the person who got to do it all with Maura. ‘You choose,’ Jane said, ‘as long as I’m with you, I’m good.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, lliking and supporting!


	32. Chapter 32

Nia sighed as she jotted down a few notes in her case file. The police had been able to pull DMV records for the Russo’s, including license and registrations for one blue ford sedan and one white ford pickup. Unfortunately, neither bolo had come back with anything helpful. No one had reported the sedan. Nia guessed that had more to do with the fact that Mia Russo had likely run out of state. They would find that car eventually but only after a pile of red tape a mile long and ages of interdepartmental gymnastics. The bolo had tracked the truck straight to a car salesman. If Vinnie had bought a new car it wasn’t from that salesman and it hadn’t yet been registered. Which meant, for the moment, Vinnie Russo was beyond Nia’s grasp.

Nia glanced at her watch. She needed to call Doctor Isles to prepare her for their coming conversation. Nia pressed call.

‘Doctor Isles,’ a now familiar greeting answered.

‘Hello Doctor, it’s Nia Williams,’ Nia smiled, amused by the doctors formality.

‘Hello Miss Williams,’ Doctor Isles replied, ‘I was under the impression we were talking a bit later.’

‘We are, I just wanted to make sure we had a chance to talk beforehand about what our goals are for this conversation,’ Nia offered, ‘I’m sorry if I am catching you at a bad time.’

Nia heard Doctor Isles as if she was speaking with the phone away from her ear, ‘I have to take this Jane.’

Nia heard the faintest reply of a woman, presumably Jane, in the background asking about cheesesteaks. Nia smiled.

‘No finish without me,’ Doctor Isles answered. Nia head a door close and then Doctor Isles spoke again, ‘I apologise about that Miss Williams.’

‘Please call me Nia,’ Nia said, ‘and I apologise for interrupting.’

‘Call me Maura then and it’s not a problem. Whatever I can do to help,’ Maura answered.

‘I don’t want to distress Panda so I’m not expecting us to push her to hard but I’m hoping that hearing her given name and being able to talk to you will get her to open up. From there, any information we can get about her family, especially her father, will help. Your job is to just talk to her, make her comfortable.’ Nia explained. It was going to be walking a tight rope between Panda’s mental health and finding out everything they could but Nia hoped that having Maura there would help.

‘Very well,’ Maura replied, ‘I will have to rely on you to determine her stress levels as it is hard to detect in a video call.’

‘Of course,’ Nia replied, ‘and if at any point you get uncomfortable, you just let me know. Now, let me walk you through what we know so you won’t be caught off guard.’

Nia spent ten minutes walking Maura through what particulars she could. They hung up with Nia promising to call again shortly, when she had Panda on the phone. Nia organised her things and walked to the Stephen’s door.

Amanda Stephens was as close to a friend as Nia could get with her foster parents. She was smart, kind, loving, and capable of taking on the complicated cases. Her husband Mateo was the vice principal at the local public high school, a well thought of one at that. He was funny and well trained in child trauma. Nia had been afraid that their pregnancy would put an end to their fostering days and she was extraordinarily grateful that it had not. Nia hoped, with Amanda entering her third trimester, that Panda would be the last placement she would put with the Stephens before the baby arrived. She also hoped that Panda would have time to adjust and get comfortable before the birth. Maybe, deep down, there was even a part of Nia that hoped Panda could find a permanent home with the Stephens but as a social workers she wasn’t officially allowed to hope for such things. She was supposed to be neutral. A fact that was harder in practice.

Amanda opened the door with a welcoming smile. ‘Hello Nia. How are you today?’

Nia smiled, ‘I’m doing well. How are you?’

Amanda chuckled in good nature, like Nia was in on some kind of inside joke. ‘Tired and sore but that’s pregnancy, so they say.’

‘That’s what I’ve been told,’ Nia glanced around noticing Panda wasn’t in sight, ‘how is she?’

Amanda smiled, ‘she’s in her room. We’re doing well, I think. She’s said thank you to me twice today and she smiled when I offered to take her to the Smithsonian zoo to watch the paandas.’

‘Good,’ Nia said with a smile, ‘I’ll bet she’s excited about that trip.’

‘I hope so,’ Amanda offered, ‘I’m hoping to win her over little by little and I’m certainly not above a little harmless bribery.’

Nia smiled, ‘good. I’d like for you to sit in on this conversation today unless Panda says otherwise. I want to make her as comfortable as possible.’

‘Of course,’ Amanda said with a smile, ‘whatever she needs.’ Amanda lead them to Panda’s room. She knocked gently on the door before entering. ‘Panda dear, Miss Williams is here. Remember we wanted to talk with you?’

Panda was sitting by the bookshelf, a pile of books around her. She looked up when the two women entered but said nothing and made no moves. Nia shared a look with Amanda before sitting down next to Panda. Amanda struggled to do the same. ‘Hi Panda. How are you?’ Nia asked. It was met with silence. ‘I wanted to talk with you and I asked Mrs. Stephens to sit with us. Is that okay?’ Silence. ‘I also asked Doctor Isles to join us. She is out of town but she has agreed to do a video call. Would you like to speak to Doctor Isles?’ 

Panda had looked up the moment Nia mentioned Doctor Isles. ‘Yes,’ she whispered, ‘I want Doctor Isles.’

Nia smiled reassuringly, ‘okay. Do you want to press the call button?’ Panda nodded. Nia pulled up the contact and showed her which button to press. Nia handed Panda her the tablet.

The phone rang twice before Doctor Isles answered, ‘Hello, Doctor Isles.’ Nia really did have to suppress a laugh. They had a pre-arranged call and she still answered like neither one of them had a clue.

‘Doctor Isles!’ Panda shouted as soon as Maura’s face came on the screen. It was the most excited Nia had ever seen Panda be. Nia didn’t miss the flash of hurt on Amanda’s face. Foster parenting wasn’t easy on the heart. She’d have to remember to check in later.

‘Panda cub!’ Maura replied excitedly, ‘I’ve missed you!’

‘Miss Williams says I can’t live with you,’ Panda said, shooting an angry look at Nia. She resisted sighing. Sometimes being a social worker wasn’t easy on the heart.

‘No sweetie, you can’t but from what Miss Williams says you have a wonderful new home with some wonderful new foster parents. Do you want to show me your new room?’

Nia had to suppress further laughter as Panda took Maura on a fairly extensive tour of what was a relatively small bedroom. Panda even excitedly introduced Amanda to Maura, being sure to show her the baby in her belly. If the surprise on Amanda’s face was any indication, it was the first time Panda had shown even a hint of fondness toward the woman. Nia had known Amanda would win Panda over, she wasn’t terribly surprised to find it had already started. Time moved differently for children. Bonds cemented faster.

‘It’s wonderful to meet you Mrs. Stephens,’ Maura said.

‘Can I come see you Doctor Isles?’ Panda asked. Nia was fairly certain that Panda had said more in the last ten minutes of talking to Doctor Isles than she had said in the last two weeks.

‘Yes! Absolutely!’ Maura answered with a smile, ‘but it might be a little while before that’s possible. I’m out of town right now and won’t be back until Christmas time.’

‘Did you have to go to a new home because of my daddy too?’ Panda asked.

‘Oh, no, sweetie.’ Maura cooed softly, ‘no, I wrote a book and now I get to go all around the United States and tell people about it.’

‘That’s why I saw you on the television?!’

‘Yes!’ Maura answered.

‘I liked seeing you on the tv,’ Panda answered.

Maura smiled, ‘yeah? Well I am really glad I get to visit with you like this.’

‘Me too,’ Panda said with a happy smile.

Nia let the moment settle before she interrupted. ‘Panda I’ve asked Mrs. Stephens and Doctor Isles to join us today because I need to talk to you about some things that might be difficult. Do you think you are up for it?’

Panda looked at Nia, then at Maura and finally at Amanda, ‘I’ll try.’ Then to everyone’s surprise, she tucked herself under Amanda’s arms. Amanda, squeezed gently and smiled at Nia.

‘We’ll stop if you need to, okay Panda cub?’ Maura asked, her face knitted in concern. Panda nodded shyly.

Nia took a steadying breath as she pulled out her notepad and turned on her recorder for the interview. ‘I met a neighbour friend of yours named Ella. Her mother was able to show us this picture.’ Nia pulled up the photo on her phone. ‘She told us this is Vincent Junior, this is Emiliano, and she told us that your name is Isabella Russo.’

Panda turned her head away, tears already streaking down her face. ‘I can’t talk about that,’ she whimpered out.

Maura spoke first, ‘sweetheart, we don’t have to talk about it. We can still call you Panda if you want.’

Panda nodded, ‘I like Panda better.’

‘Panda it is,’ Amanda said with a warm smile and a squeeze.

Nia nodded, grateful for the comfort Panda was taking from Maura and Amanda. ‘We went to your old home Panda. No one was home. We want to make sure Vincent and Emiliano are safe. Can you help us by answering some questions?’ Panda’s eyes opened wide but she nodded seriously. ‘Do you have any grandparents or aunts or uncles?’ Panda shook her head. ‘There’s no one that your parents have told you about? Maybe who live out of state?’

‘No,’ Panda answered sadly, ‘Mama told me if we had family, she’d send me to them instead of leaving me at the clinic.’

‘Panda,’ Maura spoke, ‘your mother said that you live with your step father, do you know anything about your birth father?’

‘Mama said my real daddy died in a car crash before I was born,’ Panda said with a sniffle.

‘Did he have any family?’ Maura asked.

‘I don’t know Doctor Isles, please don’t be mad.’ The girl looked imploringly at Maura.

‘I’m not sweetie. I’m not mad at you at all. I promise.’ Maura responded quickly with a reassuring smile, ‘I’m so proud of you. You’re doing really great.’

‘Can you tell me about your step father?’ Nia asked, ‘we know his name is Vincent. Can you tell us where he works?’

Panda shook her head, ‘he works under people’s houses.’

‘Doing what? Do you know?’ Nia asked.

Panda shook her head, ‘he always came home dusty and smelling like Emiliano’s diapers.’

‘Pesticides perhaps?’ Maura asked, more to herself than to them. ‘Panda did Vincent have things to spray bugs with?’ Nia jotted the idea down anyways. It was a good guess. Panda had simply shrugged in response.

‘Did your step father ever talk about about a boss? Mention any of his co-workers names?’ Nia asked.

‘No,’ Panda said shaking her head, ‘when Emiliano was really little he came home really mad. We was all scared. He told Mama he would never work for anyone else ever again. He said bosses cheat. Can we be all done now?’

‘Of course dear,’ Amanda said, trading a look with Nia. Nia nodded, they had something. It wasn’t much but it was something.

Nia excused herself with a good job and a smile to Panda. She’d let Maura and Amanda take care of the girl for a little while. Nia needed to call Officer Davis.

* * *

Maura hung up the phone. She clutched her phone to her chest. It had been good to see Panda. It had been even better to meet Amanda Stephens, to see how kind and loving the woman was with Panda. Maura knew Panda was in a good home. She knew Panda would be taken care of. For the first time in nearly two weeks, Maura could breath again. Maura had asked Nia to pass along her contact information to Amanda so that she or Panda could reach her if they needed her. Maura smiled and walked out to the living room part of the hotel suite.

Jane was laying on the couch, half asleep as she watched some sport or another. The girls were passed out on the floor below her, Berry lay just outside the range of Jane’s dangling fingertips. Maura smiled, her heart constricting. She really loved her little family. Jane having heard the door open, peaked one eye open.

‘C’mere,’ Jane murmured, lifting an arm and scooting back to make room for Maura on the couch. Maura could have said no but she didn’t have the heart to. She crawled compliantly in to Jane’s arms. Jane wrapped her arms around Maura and pressed a kiss to Maura’s neck. Pleasurable tingles shot through Maura’s body. ‘How’d it go?’ Jane asked.

‘It went well. She’s doing well. She has a good foster mom.’ Maura answered, holding Jane’s arm close to her, interlinking their arms.

‘That’s good,’ Jane answered, ‘I know you can’t tell me anything else but I’m here for you, okay?’ Jane pressed another kiss to her neck and Maura shivered happily.

‘Thank you Jane,’ Maura murmured, ‘can I ask you a question?’

‘Mmhmm,’ Jane replied.

‘Why are you watching Cricket?’ Maura asked, staring at the women on the screen.

‘Made a bet with Dhar,’ Jane answered.

‘Oh,’ Maura hummed in response, ‘and are you winning?’

Jane was quiet a moment, Maura assumed she was checking the score, ‘nope. Not even a little bit,’ she answered with a chuckle. ‘I shouldn’t have wagered on a sport I know nothing about.’

Maura chuckled, ‘I could teach you.’

‘You know cricket?’ Jane asked incredulous.

‘I went to boarding school Jane,’ Maura replied as if that explained everything, ‘I’d be happy to teach you how to bat.’

‘Are you offering to do that thing guys do when they try to teach a girl how to play pool?’ Jane asked.

‘You mean am I pretending to be an expert at something in order to press myself against your Gluteus Maximus?’

‘Yes,’ Jane said with a wry chuckle, ‘are you trying to touch my butt?’

Maura rolled over to look at Jane, ‘maybe, would that be a bad thing?’

Jane bit her lip, considering it, then she grinned and said ‘let’s try it and find out!’

Maura laughed. Jane seized the moment to roll over Maura, holding herself above the doctor. She watched Maura’s laugh die quickly, as a blush raised in her cheeks. She heard Maura let out a small gasp. Jane revelled in it for a moment. She definitely liked this feeling. Jane met Maura’s eyes. There was fire there. Raw desire.

‘Jane,’ Maura’s voice was shaky.

Jane was torn between running away and leaning in. Her eyes darted from Maura’s eyes to her lips and back again. Jane felt her own tongue wet her lips. Was it normal to want to kiss someone this much? Jane pressed forward, her body and lips mere centimetres from Maura’s.

‘Jane,’ Maura said again, this time in a hoarse whisper. Like it was breaking her to have Jane this close but not be touching. Jane didn’t know why but that broke her reverie. She let herself lean in the rest of the way, let their lips collide and move. She felt Maura’s hands bury themselves in her hair. She could feel Maura’s every breath, the rise and fall of her chest, every subtly shifting muscle in Maura’s body. Jane let their mouths work for a moment longer before she pulled away, a grin on her face. ‘Think there are any good cricket pitches nearby?’

‘What?’ Maura asked, wearing an entirely endearing expression. Jane felt a smug sort of pride knowing she had thoroughly thrown the doctor off course with their kiss. Her hair was mussed, her lips swollen, her eyes glazed. Jane would have laughed but Jane was pretty sure she looked the same way.

‘Cricket,’ Jane said with exaggerated patience, ‘batting? You? Me? Butt touching?’

Maura groaned. ‘You’re a tease,’ she accused without any bite in it.

Jane grinned a wolfish grin, ‘mmmm hmmm. Let’s go Doctor Isles.’ Jane rolled off the dog, doing an impressive bit of footwork to avoid stepping on either dog without squishing the doctor. Jane offered a hand to Maura, helping her up while resisting the urge to laugh at the grumpy frown.

‘Be ware Jane Rizzoli,’ Maura said levelling her with a firm stare, ‘turnabout is fair play.’ She walked in to the bathroom, closing the door behind her, leaving an amused Jane behind her. Jane just smiled, she was looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to give you all a heads up, my mama is flying in to town tomorrow (using a whole of host of PPE so don't send me any hate now) so my posts may be infrequent for the next week or so. I'm not finished with this, just enjoying family time. 
> 
> Sending y'all lots of love!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Stalking, kidnapping 
> 
> Also the first part could be considered NSFW as Jane processes the physcial side of their relationship.

Finding a place to play cricket in Philadelphia was surprisingly simple as Philadelphia was the crucible of cricket in the United States, a fact that Maura was happy to share along with a long history of the rivalry between Haverford College and the University of Pennsylvania. They were able to find an open pitch and borrow the necessary equipment. Maura made for a wonderful cricket teacher. She wasn’t even all that lecherous. Jane, however, was distracted and made for a poor student. She was disappointed Maura hadn’t even tried to touch her butt. Maura said it would be ‘ineffective given the wicket.’ She had merely demonstrated the proper batting technique and listed off a bunch of physics terms to explain why it worked. Jane wanted to pout which was an entirely new experience. Maura had spent the evening throwing- no that wasn’t right - bowling the ball and then chasing it down while Jane did her best to hit the ball without hitting the wicket. The swing was far from natural for Jane’s baseball playing self. She kept wanting to raise the bat, to make it parallel to the ground. When she figured out the angle, she wanted to wind up for a big swing, inevitably hitting the wicket.

‘Cricket is about micro movements Jane,’ Maura said with a chuckle as she helped Jane set up the wicket again. Her cheeks were rosy from the activity, her eyes sparkling, it tugged at Jane’s heart. ‘It’s about making the most of every movement and letting your team do the rest.’

Jane had grumbled some sort of reply, her own cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She was glad she was doing this with Maura instead of Dhar. Maura might tease her but Jane never had to be embarrassed around Maura. At least, not for long. Dhar would have teased her relentlessly, probably lording it over her head for ages. ‘This sport is stupid,’ Jane muttered as Maura walked back the length of the pitch to bowl to her again. She turned and smiled a smile that was all delight and Jane couldn’t help but feel her grumpiness fade away a bit.

They called it quits shortly after Jane began hitting the ball consistently without hitting the wicket. Jane rubbed her arms, tired from the new swing, while Maura returned their equipment. They’d headed back to the hotel to shower before dinner. Jane was having a hard time not thinking about Maura in the shower so she opted to walk the dogs while Maura was getting ready. It didn’t exactly distract her but there was no immediate temptation. It was something.

Dinner had been at a quiet restaurant of Maura’s choice. Jane didn’t say it out loud for fear of being teased but she was grateful it wasn’t another cheesesteak. Not that, that would stop her from buying another cheesesteak to share with the girls on their way out of town. When in Philadelphia…. Jane had lingered after dinner, eking out every moment she had with Maura. When she really couldn’t stay any later, Maura had helped her reluctantly load up the girls in the car. Maura had petted and kissed both dogs, promising them she would be home soon and asking them not to grow too much while she was gone. They whined and barked when Maura closed the door, leaving them in the car.

Jane held Maura close, burying her face in Maura’s hair. Jane thought she heard Maura sniffle but when they pulled away, Maura was smiling. Maura stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to Jane’s lips. ‘I love you Jane,’ She said softly when she pulled away, ‘drive safely and please let me know when you get in. I won’t sleep well until you do.’

Jane felt her own tears threatening, her voice brimming with emotions, ‘love you too Maur and I will.’

Maura looked at her for a moment, her eyes searching. Jane wasn’t sure what she was looking for or if she found it. She merely kissed Jane’s cheek and whispered, ‘a few more weeks, my love,’ before walking away. Jane was baffled and grateful. She wasn’t sure she had it in her to drive away first.

The dogs whined and barked as she drove away. Boston, in particular, seemed distressed that they had left Maura behind. Jane didn’t know how to tell her what was going on, so Jane let them whine. Maura would scold her later, saying they’d learn bad habits but that was future Jane’s problem or, perhaps, it was one of those things that wouldn’t hurt Maura if she didn’t know about it. Jane did stop and pick up another cheesesteak from a food cart that was open late and close to the highway. That helped calm Boston down. Jane, on the other hand, didn’t have much of an appetite.

If Jane was honest, she was distressed too. They were a mere two weeks in to this and Jane could say, definitively that she _hated_ being away from Maura. It bothered Jane how much she hated it. There had been a time, before Maura, when all Jane wanted was her independence. She had that in Virginia. No nosy mother, no one checking in or poking around in her business. Now all she wanted was Maura there, making sure she ate healthy things and slept normal hours in bed. Jane wasn’t sure she would last a month without seeing Maura. It was a fact that scared Jane. It was also a fact she was bound and determined to keep to herself. Maura was having a hard enough time as it was and Jane never wanted Maura to think she didn’t support her.

If Jane was even more honest, she was frustrated. Being on top of Maura, kissing her, seeing the primal desire in her eyes had awoken something in Jane. Jane wanted to have sex with Maura but the thought of it made Jane’s stomach churned. She understood the mechanics of it. She understood women partners had a host of ways to pleasure one another but Jane had to admit she felt woefully inadequate when it came to performing. Guys were easy. Almost every one she’d been within a few minutes of her touching them. Jane doubted she was _that_ good in bed and chalked it up to it just being the male penis.

Women though? Jane chewed her cheek in thought, Jane didn’t need to be with other women to know they were more complicated. They were puzzles to be unlocked. Every anecdotal bit of evidence Jane had in regards to sleeping with women, most of it from the men at BPD, was that women required a more skilled, deft kind of touch. Jane wasn’t clumsy or anything but she was woefully inexperienced in that regard. Jane rarely pleasured herself. She rarely felt a need to and on the few occasions she had, Sister Callahan’s voice always made some vaguely scandalised remark on Jane’s ‘behaviour’ sounded in her head. Few things made the hair stand up on the back of Jane’s neck faster than Sister Callahan.

Jane sighed. She knew Maura would walk her through it when they got there. She knew Maura would be generous no matter the outcome but Jane still wanted to be good at it. She wanted Maura to have everything she deserved, including great sex. Jane would have to do some research. That made her grin. She sounded like Maura. Jane hated being away from Maura but she figured since it was unavoidable, the best thing for it was to use that time wisely. She’d find out everything she could about sex between women. Maybe, Jane reasoned, she’d even try a few moves on herself. She probably needed to shake the whole Callahan-masturbation cycle thing anyways. Jane signalled as she moved off the 95 on to the 295 in Baltimore. She would figure this out and the next time she was in Baltimore, she’d show Maura exactly how much Jane loved her. That happy thought got Jane the rest of the way home.

* * *

Vinnie wasn’t watching where he was going as he walked towards the bench he had claimed for his afternoon surveillance sessions. He was fuming Mia had left him. She had taken the car, the boys and their valuables. Vinnie blamed Maura Isles. Mia had been a good obedient wife before she met that Isles woman. She never would have dared to take away his sons. It was one more thing Maura Isles would have to answer for. She couldn’t just mess with a man’s family and expect nothing to happen.

Vinnie collided hard with a dark haired woman. It was _her._ Vinnie bit his tongue, hard, keeping himself from saying or doing anything reckless. It wouldn’t do to take her here. Too many people. Too high a risk for failure.

‘Oh god,’ the dark haired woman said, ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you.’

Vinnie stared at the woman, she had bags under her eyes. Vinnie hoped she wasn’t sleeping well. Hoped she was tired and miserable this morning. That thought made him smile, ‘not a problem ma’am. Are you alright?’

The woman nodded, ‘yeah. Thanks. Sorry about that but I’ve got to go. I’m late for my next class!’

Vinnie stepped aside. Watching her hurry off. He didn’t need to, of course, he already knew her schedule. Right down to the building she would be in. After she had dashed inside of the building, Vinnie wandered off. It was hard sticking to the plan but what he needed was time. Time to make sure he didn’t leave a trail. Time to make sure she couldn’t, wouldn’t ever, be able to escape. Time to make sure he could get away. He’d make Mara Isles regret the day she ever disrupted his life. He’d make sure she had little to be grateful for this Thanksgiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience and graciousness! :) I loved hanging with my mama bear. She's the best.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on the timeline. So this story roughly picks up where they left off in the show. I went ahead an assumed it was real time which makes the year 2016. I chose labor day as the first Boston visit superficially. So this is Maura's book tour timeline with approximate dates. Moving through the next few chapters there may be bigger time jumps previously. I will do my best to make the timeline clear. This chapter takes place at the end of week 3 as Maura is leaving Minneapolis. Which makes it Monday morning 9/26.
> 
> X Week 1: NYC/Boston 9/9  
> X Week 2: Philadelphia/Chicago 9/16  
> X Week 3: Madison/Minneapolis 9/23  
> Week 4: Seattle/Portland OR 9/30  
> Week 5: Pheonix/Denver 10/7  
> Week 6: Boston/Baltimore 10/14  
> Week 7: San Francisco 10/21  
> Week 8: Los Angeles 10/28  
> Week 9: Los Angeles 11/4  
> Week 10: Dallas/Houston 11/11  
> Week 11: Atlanta/Miami 11/18  
> Week 12: DC 11/25

Frankie groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked at the clock reading 6:30 am. He had just put the finishing signatures to paper for the arrest of a double homicide perp that had lead him on a three day chase with just as few hours of sleep. His head hurt. His body hurt. And all Frankie wanted was to go home with his beautiful fiancé and sleep. Nina shot him a tired smile from across the bull pen and Frankie couldn’t help smiling back.

‘Pssst,’ Frankie heard coming from the direction of the elevators. Frankie groaned when he looked over to see Raymond ‘Rondo’ Washington, being kept from the bull pen by an officer waving frantically at Frankie. Rondo was Jane’s, now Frankie’s, confidential informant. A good one at that. Making him the last person Frankie wanted to see at the moment. Frankie waved the officer away. ‘Thanks Baby Vanilla,’ Rondo said in that cheeky way. Frankie hated the nickname but he’d resigned himself to living in Jane’s shadow when he accepted the role in homicide.

‘What do you want Rondo?’ Frankie asked, his impatience showing.

‘Ouch. Baby Vanilla bites,’ Rondo said with a grin.

‘ _Baby Vanilla,’_ Nina said with a grin, ‘has slept three hours in the last three days. Better make it fast Mr. Blues.’ She brushed by the pair, ‘I’ll get you both some coffee.’

Frankie wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry in gratitude or pain but he had a responsibility to Jane, at the minimum, to do right by Rondo. Frankie squeezed his eyes shut, took a deep breath and tried again, ‘what can I do for you Rondo?’ Frankie asked in the most polite tone he could currently manage.

‘Better,’ Rondo said with an easy chuckle, ‘Vanilla trained you up real good.’

‘Rondo?’ Frankie asked, hoping it sounded both inquisitive and forewarning. Frankie was pretty sure it mostly sounded desperate though.

‘Right,’ Rondo said straightening up, ‘I’ve got a CI who gave me some interesting news.’

‘You know CI doesn’t stand for crazy individual right?’ Frankie asked.

Rondo laughed, ‘Vanilla said the same thing Baby Vanilla.’

Frankie groaned, burying his head in his arms. Only the smell of freshly made coffee enticed him to look back up. Nina placed three mugs on his desk before pulling up a free chair. Frankie gave her a sappy, grateful smile. She didn’t need to say it. She was there. She was with him. She’d do whatever he needed to help. God he loved this woman. Frankie took a large sip of very hot coffee, ignoring the pain of his tongue. ‘Alright, you have a CI. What did they say?’ Frankie pulled out his notebook and looked expectantly at Rondo.

‘Thank you Ms. James,’ Rondo said with a wink at Nina. She smiled and gestured at him to go on. Frankie managed to suppress a groan.

‘My CI says theres been some interest in Doctor Vanilla lately,’ Rondo whispered conspiratorially.

‘Doctor Vanilla?’ Frankie asked, eye brows raising.

‘Well she can’t be Mrs. Vanilla,’ Rondo said as if offended by the notion.

‘Why can’t she be Doctor Isles?’ Frankie asked.

Rondo laughed, ‘Vanilla and Doctor Vanilla belong together Baby Vanilla. Can’t split them up.’

Frankie stared at the man. He was pretty sure he didn’t know about Jane and Maura’s new relationship status. Or maybe Frankie needed to start paying him more and he really was the best CI Frankie had ever worked with. ‘What do you mean?’

‘They’re in love, Baby Vanilla,’ Rondo said with a grin, ‘heart stopping, soul yearning, meant to be, forever kind of love. They’re just too stubborn to realise it.’

Frankie sighed, Rondo wasn’t wrong but Frankie didn’t want to out Jane, ‘fine people have been asking questions about Doctor Isles. What’s so strange about that? She wrote a book, she’s been doing TV interviews, she’s all over the place.’

Rondo gave Frankie a look that told him that Frankie had asked a preposterous question. Frankie was too tired to figure out what was so crazy about it though. ‘You do need sleep Baby Vanilla,’ Rondo said at last, ‘folks don’t ask people like me and my CI about pop culture.’

Nina stifled a yawn, ‘so why were they asking?’

‘Don’t know,’ Rondo shrugged, ‘seemed like they mostly wanted information. My CI said they stopped real quick when they found out about Paddy Doyle being Doctor Vanilla’s daddy dearest.’

‘Does your CI know who is doing the asking?’ Frankie asked.

Rondo shook his head taking a long sip of coffee, ‘not one of us. My CI thinks it might be an out-of-towner.’

‘Why?’ Nina asked, ‘did they see something? Say something?’

Rondo shrugged again, ‘when you’ve been on the street as long as we have, you just get a feel for these things.’

Frankie did groan then. ‘You mean, you don’t have anything _actually_ useful for us.’

‘Frankie,’ Nina whispered in just the right tone to let him know he’d crossed a line.

Frankie took another deep breath, ‘Rondo, look, you’re my best CI. If you say someones asking questions about Doctor Isles with harmful intentions, I’ll listen. I believe you. I’ll give Jane and Maura the heads up. But without anything else, there’s nothing I can do. I can’t even go interview a suspect because you can’t give me a name or a description or even if the person lives in Boston.’

Rondo smiled a sad kind of smile at Frankie, ‘it’s okay Baby Vanilla. I wasn’t here on official police business. Just giving a friend a heads up.’ He stood to leave, taking their coffee cups towards the kitchen.

‘Rondo!’ Frankie called, he fumbled quickly for some of his CI cash, ‘wait. If you hear anything more or you see anything more, pass it on. I’ll make sure Jane gets it at the very least. Okay?’

Frankie took the mugs from Rondo and pressed the cash in to Rondos hand. The older man nodded, looking thoughtful, ‘it just didn’t feel right, you know?’ It was all he said before disappearing down the hallway.

Frankie slumped over. He’d have to find a way to apologise to Rondo eventually. When he had slept and showered and wasn’t feeling like a barely functioning automaton. Frankie deposited the mugs in the sink, giving them all a less than generous scrub before heading back to his desk. Nina stood waiting at his desk, her jacket on and things gathered. Frankie was grateful. He grabbed his things, logging off his computer and grabbing his papers to put in the captain’s box. In the elevator he pulled out his phone and sent out a quick text to both Maura and Jane.

_‘Hey. Need to talk to you both this evening, Rondo related. He’s okay, just had some information. Let me know when. Love, Frankie.’_

Frankie powered off his phone then. He knew Maura would wait until the allotted time, sending only a confirmation response. Jane however, would blow up his phone with questions the minute she had a free moment. Frankie wasn’t about to be cheated out of precious hours of sleep because Jane couldn’t wait a few hours. After all, it wasn’t even all that hot of a tip. People all across the United States were asking questions about Maura Isles right now. He couldn’t verify that they all had good intentions. He couldn’t even track them all. So why did it leave Frankie with a bitter taste in his mouth?

Nina wrapped a solid arm around his waist, Frankie slung his arm over her shoulders. They’d figure it out later.

* * *

Maura received Frankie’s text as she was arriving at the airport in Minneapolis. She frowned for a moment as she read it. She wasn’t sure what she and Jane could do. Although, Frankie had said it was Rondo business, not BPD business. Of course, Maura supposed if it _was_ BPD business, she’d expect Kent or Governor Baker to reach out to her. Not Frankie. She sighed. She liked Rondo. He was intelligent, funny, and kind. She hoped the older man was doing well.

_‘Certainly. I’m free after 7 pm CDT.’_

Maura had loaded her luggage on to the cart and was half way through ticketing when Jane called. Maura could picture the happy look on her face and the mess of her hair when she first woke up. It tugged at Maura’s heart. ‘Morning Maur,’ Jane murmured, her voice still raspy with sleep.

‘Good morning love,’ Maura answered with a smile.

‘What the hell was that about?’ Jane asked. She sounded frustrated but not distressed.

‘I don’t know,’ Maura replied steadily, ‘I possess no additional information.’

‘You could guess,’ Jane accused half-heartedly.

‘I don’t guess,’ Maura answered the same as she always did. It was a rise Jane never failed to get. ‘I use all the available data to make an educated prediction.’

‘Fine,’ Jane said stifling a yawn, ‘make a prediction.’ 

Maura sighed, ‘you’re impossible. I’m _predicting_ that Frankie will tell us tonight, when we talk.’

‘Maaauuurrraaa,’ Jane whined, ‘that’s not a prediction. I bet its about an old case. Something he needs us to solve.’

Maura smiled, ‘it is one possible outcome.’

‘What else could it be?’ Jane asked. ‘What else could Rondo possibly have to do with us?’

‘He is our friend Jane,’ Maura answered, ‘he could be ill or injured or -‘

‘Nope.’ Jane cut her off, ‘not going there. Don’t say it.’

Maura sighed, ‘he could be moving or getting married. He could just want our mailing address.’

Jane was silent a moment, ‘if it was any of those things, wouldn’t he have contacted us directly. It’s not as if he doesn’t have our numbers.’

Maura switched ears, ‘maybe or maybe not. Either way we’ll know tonight.’

‘I’m going to text Frankie,’ Jane replied, ‘he can’t just send something like that without further context.’

Maura shook her head. There was no point in trying to stop her. ‘Fine but if you’re going to interrogate him, please do so on a private thread. I don’t want to land to a hundred text messages.’

‘You don’t want to know what’s going on?’ Jane pouted.

‘Of course I do. Which is why I will talk to Frankie tonight.’ Maura replied. She pressed a few buttons on the automated check in machine.

‘Fine,’ Jane replied, ‘I was going to offer to summarise what I learn for you separately but since you’re so _patient_ ….’ Jane teased.

‘Oooh,’ Maura replied excitedly, ‘yes, please do that!’

Jane laughed, making Maura’s heart beat faster, ‘see you’re just as nosy as me. You just use me to do the dirty work.’

Maura felt a faint blush rising on her cheeks, ‘I use a variety of tools to inform my predictions, Jane.’

‘Oh,’ Jane laughed again, ‘so I’m a tool now?’

‘You know what I mean,’ Maura replied without dignifying that response.

‘Do I?’ Jane asked, ‘seems to me you just called your girlfriend a tool and that’s not very nice.’

Maura sighed. She wasn’t sure how Jane always got the better of her in these teasing battles. ‘Fine, I apologise profusely.’

‘Good. How’s the airport?’ Jane asked.

Maura murmured a silent thank you as she passed over her baggage to the ticket counter. ‘Quiet,’ Maura answered. She had chosen an early flight for that very reason. ‘What are your plans for the day?’

‘Except for interrogating Frankie?’ Jane teased.

‘Yes, except for that,’ Maura affirmed with a wry smile.

‘Not a whole lot. It’s evaluation weeks so grading probably,’ Maura could hear Jane shrug. Jane would find grading boring.

‘Any one you’re concerned about?’ Maura asked.

Jane chuckled, ‘might fail Whitehead for being an asshole but other than that.’

‘Jane!’ Maura replied, her heart racing at the idea of a student failing.

‘What?’ Jane asked, ‘it’s the FBI Maura. Not physics. Character matters. I can’t send an asshole out there to be an agent. Assholes shouldn’t be given power to police others. He’ll just abuse it.’

Maura shuddered, ‘it sounds horrible either way.’

Jane chuckled, ‘you just hate the idea of failing something, bet the thought of it is giving you hives.’

Maura stopped mid-scratch, ‘you’re right. Let’s talk about something else.’

‘What time does your flight leave?’

‘I have an hour,’ Maura replied.

‘And you’re headed for Seattle?’ Jane asked.

‘Mmmhmmm,’ Maura replied.

‘Will you have time to do all the touristy things?’ Jane asked.

‘Probably,’ Maura replied, ‘why? Is there something in particular I should do?’

‘Yes,’ Jane said with a grin, ‘rumour has it there’s a bubble gum wall. You’ve got to add to it.’

‘I beg your pardon,’ Maura replied, feeling vaguely nauseated, ‘you want me to what now?’

‘Add some gum. Its near Pike’s Place. People from all over the world go there just to add a piece.’ Jane spoke excitedly now.

‘That’s disgusting,’ Maura replied her nose wrinkling, ‘and incredibly unsanitary.’

‘You also have to get a Starbucks from there. It was the first,’ Jane ignored her comment.

‘But they over roast their beans,’ Maura heard herself whining.

‘I didn’t say it had to be coffee,’ Jane replied, ‘just something. It’s a right of passage, you know.’

‘Fine. I will go to Pike’s Place. I will get a Starbucks and I will take a picture of this bubble gum wall,’ Maura sighed.

‘You have to add a piece,’ Maura could hear Jane’s grin, ‘and you have to add one for me too.’

‘Jaaannneee,’ Maura replied.

‘Please Maura,’ Jane asked in a sing song-y voice. Maura whimpered. She would do it. She knew she would and all because Jane asked. ‘How’s it all that different from the last time you defaced public property?’

‘Tagging is a legitimate art form Jane,’ Maura rebutted.

‘So sculpt your gum before you place it, I don’t care,’ Jane replied. Maura heard the dogs barking in the background, ‘listen Maura, I gotta go. I love you though. Have a good flight.’

‘Oh,’ Maura couldn’t hide her disappointment, ‘have a good day Jane. I love you too.’

‘Bye!’ There was an audible click and Maura sighed as she lowered the phone from her ear. For a moment Maura wanted to change her flights, to head home. To quit the whole thing. Maura counted in her head until ten. She knew the feeling would pass. She knew she’d regret quitting now. She’d see Jane in a little over two weeks. She could do two weeks. She sighed, moving once more towards the TSA Pre-check line. Every flight was another flight closer to home, to Jane. At least, that’s what she told herself. Even if her heart was screaming at her that she was flying the wrong way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't remember if Rondo had a nickname/any interaction with Frankie so I took some liberties. I apologize if I got it wrong but Baby Vanilla seemed fitting. Do feel free to let me know!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Panic attack/PTSD

Jane had spent the better part of her day texting her brother messages alternating between questioning and vaguely threatening. She had started off genuinely curious but if she was honest she kept it up because it was fun. She didn’t get to give him as much crap as he deserved these days. She had to really milk every opportunity she got. Not that he responded, Jane assumed he had turned off his phone. Jane didn’t mind nor did it stop her.

At some point in the afternoon, Frankie finally texted back. To the group, he confirmed that he would call shortly after 8 pm eastern. To Jane he sent two words: ’Sorry. Sleeping.’ Jane huffed in annoyance. She hated when Frankie decided to take the ‘high road’ and not engage with her antics. It made the game less fun. Jane ordered take out after walking the dogs and watched some cricket before their call. She had to admit, it was an intriguing sport, though she suspected she would like it a lot less if it weren’t for Maura and Dhar.

Jane was unsurprised when Maura called her first. ‘Hey Maura,’ Jane answered smiling at the camera. ‘How was your day?’

‘Hello Jane,’ Maura replied, ‘it was good. Exhausting but good.’ Maura’s face shifted to a pout, ‘you promised to tell me what you learned but you didn’t.’

Jane chuckled, ‘I’m sorry Maur, I didn’t get anywhere. All he said was sleeping.’

‘Poor Frankie,’ Maura said, ‘he must have been working a case.’

Jane nodded, ‘probably. So did you make it to the wall yet?’ Jane wiggled her eyebrows.

Maura was saved from answering by Frankie’s call.

‘Hey guys!’ Frankie greeted them. Nina, looking over his shoulder, echoed his hello.

‘Frankie, Nina,’ Maura replied with a smile not quite as wide as the one she greeted Jane with, ‘it’s lovely to see you.’

‘Yeah, it’s great,’ Jane said grumpily, ‘what’s up with Rondo?’ In truth, Jane was delighted to be speaking with the pair even if it was over a video call but she had a reputation as the older, grumpier, sister to maintain.

‘Jane!’ Maura chastised her.

‘What?!’ Jane replied in mock offence. Maura laughed and shook her head. Jane would have too but she had caught the wince Frankie had given and the look Nina had given Frankie. ‘What is it Frankie?’

Frankie sighed, ‘probably nothing.'

‘Rondo came to see me this morning. I had just closed a case that kept us up for three days,’ Frankie began, ‘said he had a CI who had brought him some interesting information.’

‘Frankie, I swear if you dismissed my best CI I’m gonna make the drive to hit you myself,’ Jane said, her tone threatening. Rondo was a lot to handle, she knew that, but he hadn’t failed her yet. His intel was always good, even if it required parsing through.

‘I didn’t Janie,’ Frankie said, one hand thrown up in surrender.

‘Just say it Frankie, she’ll keep barking at you if you don’t,’ Nina urged.

‘He said there’s been some folk asking about you Maura,’ Frankie said, ‘he didn’t give me much, just that they weren’t from Boston.’

Maura laughed, ‘of course there are people asking about me. I’m doing a half dozen interviews a day.’

Jane bit her lip. Rondo was brilliant. A bit on the crazy side but brilliant. _Most_ people didn’t see that though. They saw the dirty, black, homeless man and forgot about him. It was what made him so effective as a CI. He was effectively invisible to the world. ‘Whose talking to Rondo about your book Maura?’

Maura’s brows knitted together, ‘that seems less than fair Jane. Rondo’s a highly intelligent man. Is it really so odd to think he’s a reader?’

Jane shook her head. She knew Rondo was a reader. She’d already pre-ordered Maura’s book and put it on hold at the local bookstore in Boston for him. This was about perception. Jane knew Rondo was a voracious reader. How many people saw Rondo in his tattered, poorly washed clothes and thought ‘I bet he’s a reader!’

Frankie interrupted her response, ‘Rondo said it was his CI being asked questions. Said the questions stopped when they found out that Paddy was your biological father.’

‘Then it was probably gang related?’ Maura asked.

‘Maybe,’ Frankie offered, ‘but why would they stop once they found out you were Doyle’s daughter if they wanted to get at Doyle?’

‘Maybe they didn’t want to cross Doyle himself. Maybe they’re a rival gang. Or it’s someone I put away.’

‘Maybe,’ Frankie answered, ‘like I said, Rondo didn’t give me much. I just promised to pass the information along.’

‘Thank you Frankie,’ Maura answered with a smile, ‘I’m sure it’s nothing but I’m grateful to have you and Rondo looking out for me. Jane?’

‘Can I call you in a few Maura? I wanted to talk to Frankie about something else,’ Jane said.

‘Oh,’ Maura said looking shocked and skeptical, ‘certainly. I’ll talk to you shortly. Have a good night Frankie, Nina.’

‘Bye Maura!’ Nina called. She pressed a kiss to Frankie’s forehead, ‘I’ll let you two talk as well. Good night Jane.’ Nina walked out of screen.

‘What’s up Jane?’ Frankie asked.

Jane was fighting to keep her emotions in check. It wasn’t Frankie’s fault, she reminded herself. ‘How bad is it really?’ Jane asked.

Frankie sighed, ‘I don’t know. It’s odd for sure. Rondo thought it felt off and it makes me queasy too. But there’s nothing to go on.’

‘So find something!’ Jane demanded, ‘go back to Rondo. Go to his CI. Arrest him for loitering and make him tell you everything he knows.’

‘Janie,’ Frankie said softly, ‘what’s he going to tell us that we don’t already know?’

‘I don’t know. How about a description? Or a car? Maybe a name?’ Jane said hotly, ‘we won’t know until you do your damn Jane.’

‘Woah! Hey!’ Frankie shouted back, ‘I am doing my job Janie. Tracking down every one who asks questions about a pop cultural icon isn’t my job!’

‘She’s not an icon,’ Jane yelled, ‘it’s Maura! It’s Maura and her life could be in danger!’

Frankie sighed and spoke softer, ‘you’re right. It is Maura. And I promise I will try to get more information okay?’

‘No it’s not okay!’ Jane yelled, less at Frankie and more at the whole situation, ‘Maura is on the other side of the country and there’s no one looking after her. No one!’

‘That’s not my fault Janie,’ Frankie answered his voice still soft but this time Jane could hear the hurt in it.

‘I know,’ Jane yelled. She took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down a bit. ‘I know,’ she said softer, ‘none of this is your fault. It’s just… I thought we got away from all of this. I thought we were done being threatened and haunted. It’s all just… coming back to me. Okay? But it’s not your fault and I know you’re doing your job. I do.’

‘Thanks Janie,’ Frankie said. Then, almost tentatively, he said, ‘Paddy probably has people around the country.’

Jane stared at Frankie, ‘you want me to put a jailed, dying, mobster in charge of protecting my girlfriend across the country?’

Frankie shrugged, ‘no I’m just suggesting you let Paddy know what’s going on. She is his daughter, so he’s got some pretty compelling motivation and we both know that him being in jail doesn’t mean he doesn’t have resources.’

Jane hated that idea. Unfortunately, the only other alternative she could come up with was quitting her job and following Maura around as her personal body guard. Jane would do it in an instance but she was pretty sure Maura wouldn’t allow it. ‘Just go talk to Rondo, Frankie.’

‘I will Janie,’ Frankie assured her. ‘Take care, okay? Don’t let this eat at you.’

Jane considered making a snide remark but the look of genuine concern on her brother’s face made her bite her tongue. He wasn’t the target of her vitriol and she’d taken enough of it out on him in this conversation. ‘You too Frankie. Tell Ma I love her and give TJ kisses for me.’ Frankie nodded and hung up.

Jane hung up the phone and buried her head in her hands. She _hated_ this. Jane always did better when _she_ was the target. Maura wasn’t helpless, Jane knew Maura could kick serious ass when she had to. Jane was the one who lacked courage. Seeing Maura hurt, knowing Maura was in danger, it broke Jane in an unbearable kind of way. Maura getting hurt, having to have surgery, that was why Jane took the FBI job. Sure she wanted to be safer. Sure she wanted her family to be at peace with her work. Mostly, though, Jane wanted to stop putting Maura in harms way. Jane had thought, hoped, that if she just went away, people would stop targeting Maura. Jane wanted to cry. She wanted to drive to Boston and hunt down Rondo herself. She wanted to catch the first flight to Seattle. Instead, she called Maura.

‘Jane!’ Maura’s concerned face greeted her, ‘are you alright?’

For a moment, just a moment, Jane wanted to fall apart. Tell her all of her concerns but Maura would probably just brush them aside. After all, Maura was sure it was nothing. Jane forced a smile, ‘yup, just asking Frankie about Ma.’

‘Oh, how is Angela?’ Maura asked, her voice sounding some what skeptical.

‘Good, probably, Frankie was busy working that case,’ Jane said. It wasn’t a lie, technically.

‘Jane?’ Maura asked, there was a soft hesitancy in her voice, ‘are you okay?’

Jane forced her smile to widen a bit, ‘of course, like you said, it’s probably nothing.’

Maura was silent, her eyes flickering over Jane’s face, ‘you don’t believe that though.’

Jane didn’t let her face respond, ‘I’m waiting for the evidence. I’ll make a prediction then.’

‘Is that what your gut says?’ Maura asked, her lips pursed together.

‘You don’t believe in guts,’ Jane replied.

‘That’s preposterous. Of course I believe in guts,’ Maura replied, a slight tease in her voice, ‘I’ve handled too many of them to not believe in them.’ Jane’s chuckle was a tad too late to be believable.

‘It’s probably just some let over paranoia Maura,’ Jane said, ‘you know, PTSD or some other kind of psycho-babble.’

‘Do you really believe that?’ Maura asked. Jane shrugged. Maura sighed, ‘fine. You don’t have to share with me, just know that I’m here for you if you want to talk.’

‘Yeah, sure. I’m going to let you go to bed now. Okay? Love you bye.’ Jane said hanging up quickly. Maura didn’t even have a chance to point out that it was only 4:30 pm in Seattle.

Maura sighed, setting down her phone. She could handle the possible threat. She knew the publishing company had safety measures in place. Seattle was a long way from Boston, after all. What Maura couldn’t handle was Jane shutting her out. ‘Oh Jane,’ Maura whispered, her heart hurting.

* * *

‘Doyle! VIP call for you!’ The prison guard at the door shouted.

Paddy Doyle looked up, surprised. He stood and walked slowly toward the guard. Paddy was always winded these days. He did his best to not show it to the other prisoners though. He could show no weakness. He followed as the guard escorted him to the phones.

‘Agent Dean,’ Paddy greeted, ‘I hope you aren’t calling to cancel on me.’

‘It’s not Dean,’ a familiar gravelly tone came through the speaker. It was almost shocking to hear. Paddy wasn’t sure he’d ever hear her voice again. He could think of only one reason she would be calling.

‘Agent Rizzoli,’ Paddy replied, ‘is Maura alright?’

The agent barked out a harsh laugh, ‘for the moment.’

Paddy didn’t like the sound of that. He wanted to ask but they both knew this was a recorded call. ‘I assume you’re calling for a reason Agent Rizzoli.’

‘Were you aware that Maura wrote a book?’ Jane asked him.

‘Certainly,’ Paddy wheezed, ‘I’m looking forward to reading it.’

‘Were you aware that she is on a book tour around the United States at the moment?’

‘I am,’ Paddy replied, ‘I try not to miss any of her interviews.’

‘Good, though you should know you aren’t the only one catching her interviews,’ Jane replied. Paddy’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t sure if Jane meant she was also watching those interviews or if there was someone else interested. He didn’t like that. ‘I just wanted to make sure you knew what was going on in your daughters life. Want you to be able to keep an eye on her.’

‘I’m always watching over her Agent Rizzoli,’ Paddy replied. If he didn’t know better, he would have guessed that Jane was asking him to protect Maura.

‘Good,’ Jane answered, ‘I wouldn’t want you to miss anything.’

‘Neither would I,’ Paddy murmured, ‘she’s amazing, that girl of mine.’

‘She is,’ Jane replied, ‘I’m sorry for your illness, Doyle, for her.’

‘Thank you Detective Rizzoli,’ Paddy replied. Apparently he _had_ missed something. Something alarming enough that Jane Rizzoli was risking her career to warn him about it. Paddy sighed. He had hoped his trouble making days were over. He really was too old for it but if Maura’s life was on the line, he supposed he had a little mischief left in him after all. Paddy walked slowly back towards his cell, already making a plan. He’d have to make a few calls, starting with his Lieutenant in Boston. Someone wasn’t passing along vital information and Paddy would find out why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to you all for getting me well past the 10k hits mark! Y'all are great! Thanks for reading/liking/commenting/subscribing. You honor me beyond words!


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vaguely NSFW. Not graphic but may be uncomfortable to read to grandma-ma Mable.

Maura sighed. Jane had said very little on their morning phone call and had texted even less. This, more than anything, told Maura that Jane was worried. Probably desperately so and trying to hide it from Maura. Which, given their history, meant Jane was days away from doing something extreme and lacking much of the intelligence she truly did possess. Which meant Maura was lonely, worried, and desperate to find a way to ease Jane’s concerns.

Maura had reached out to her editor’s office, trying to set up additional safety precautions. She assumed she’d hear back from them tomorrow. In the mean time, Maura was looking for a way to make Jane smile. Which was how she ended up beneath Pikes Place Market in an alley that smell like the worlds worst vat of fruit, sugar and human excrement. It was even worse than Maura imagined. Millions of pieces of gum adorned either side of the walls. Several had fallen off and littered the ground. Maura was both fascinated and horrified.

Maura pulled out a stick of gum and began chewing. She was generally opposed to gum. The sugar in most gum contributed to the overproduction of plague and harmful bacteria in the mouth. It also tended to strain the temporals and masseter muscles. She chewed for a few moments before pulling out her phone. She was thankfully alone for the moment. She wandered the wall looking for a space that was relatively empty of other people’s leftovers. When she found a space she began a recording.

‘Hi love! Here’s your gum wall!’ Maura showed Jane the entire alleyway. Maura fumbled to grab out a second stick of gum. ‘And these are ours,’ Maura replied. She placed the first piece, trying to shape it with minimal touching. Her fingers were already sticky from the sugar. She shoved a second piece in her mouth with her clean hand, making a point to chew as obnoxiously as possible for Jane’s video. She pressed a second piece to the wall, lining it up with the first piece to form a misshapen heart. ‘I hope you know I would not visit this wall for anyone besides you Jane Rizzoli. It’s revolting. I love you. Talk to you soon!’ Maura hit the end recording button. She snapped a few pictures of the wall and their heart gum. One of them turned out surprisingly artistic. The grey bleak wall permitting Maura’s pink gum to pop vividly amongst an array of colours. On a whim, Maura made it her phone background. She was sure it would gross her out in a few hours but at the moment it made her happy. Backgrounds were easy enough to change.

Maura headed back out of the alley and towards the nearest restroom to wash her hands. With that accomplished, Maura texted Jane the video and her photos along with the message: ‘ _The things I do for love.’_

Maura expected something in response. A smile, a heart, a quip about gum. Anything. The silence she received in turn was deafening. Maura tried not to take it personally. She tried not to let it bother her but after spending her evening alone, eating dinner alone, and getting ready for bed alone Maura could not deny that it hurt. Maura tried to call Jane but she didn’t pick up. Maura sighed. Jane Rizzoli was not a woman to rush she would talk to Maura when she was ready and Maura simply had to wait until Jane decided she was ready. Even if it drove Maura down the hall.

* * *

Jane stabbed at her lunch with her fork with no intention of eating it as she refreshed the find my iphone screen on Maura's phone. She was frustrated and grumpy and worried and avoiding Maura was harder than it had any right to be. It wasn’t that Jane _wanted_ to avoid Maura. It was just that there was no way she could talk to Maura and pretend she wasn’t worried. There was no way to talk to Maura without lying and there was nothing Jane hated more than lying to Maura. Jane sighed.

‘Um, Agent Rizzoli,’ Recruit Dhar interrupted her, ‘do you have a minute?’

Jane looked up to see Dhar and Baccay standing above her. ‘What do you want recruits?’

Dhar and Baccay exchanged looks. ‘Ma’am we’re worried about you.’

‘Aarna is worried. I’m just here to witness her inevitable demise,’ Baccay said, straight faced.

Dhar made a face that even grumpy Jane had to admit was the perfect mixture of adorably amused and endlessly annoyed, ‘Noie is worried too, she’s just embarrassed to be caught having feelings.’ Baccay shrugged and looked, for all the world, like she didn’t care at all.

Jane huffed in annoyance. ‘Don’t you two have anything better to do than annoying me?’

‘Yes,’ Baccay said.

‘No,’ Dhar said at the exact same time. They gave each other a look that reminded Jane so much of her and Maura her heart constricted.

‘Well I do,’ Jane said, thrusting her chair back from the table. She dumped her lunch without having eaten much. She wasn’t entirely surprised when the women followed her.

‘You’ve been particularly grumpy,’ Dhar commented.

‘And this is the third day you have thrown away a full lunch,’ Baccay commented.

Dhar grinned, ‘told you Noie cares.’ Baccay blushed but didn’t say anything.

‘What about it?’ Jane asked. ‘Why do you care?’

Dhar looked genuinely taken aback, ‘I know we’re your students but you’re a woman in law enforcement. You’re one of us. We have to watch out for one another.’

It was sincere enough to make Jane stop and look at her recruits. Really look at them. Baccay was glaring at her feet. For the life of her, Jane could not figure out how the tiny woman saw so much considering she never looked up. Dhar stood tall and proud, her eyes bright and emphasised by the red bindi on her forehead. ‘Third eye’ had a fitting meaning with Aarna Dhar. ‘Look, I appreciate it okay? Really, thank you Noemi. Thank you Aarna. But I’m fine.’ Jane replied.

Baccay shrugged, accepting her statement without question, ‘let’s go Aarna. She doesn’t want a couple of recruits advice.’ Baccay turned to leave but Dhar did not.

Dhar crossed her arms, tapping a foot on the floor. ‘You are lying.’ It was a statement, absent of both question or accusation.

Jane felt a growl in her chest, ‘what do you want Dhar?’

‘To help,’ Dhar replied steadily. ‘Whatever it is, it’s eating at you.’

‘It’s none of your business,’ Jane shot back, ‘so just drop it.’

Dhar shook her head, ’I’m not buying it.’

‘I could write you up for insubordination right now _Recruit_ ,’ Jane shot back. She wouldn’t, of course.

‘Aarna,’ Baccay said, her voice carrying a warning.

‘Do it,’ Dhar replied, her tone baiting.

‘Damn it Dhar. What do you want?’ Jane’s voice was raised now.

‘I want to help someone I care about deeply,’ Dhar shot back angrily. Her hands flew to her mouth, her eyes blinking in surprise. She’d said more than she meant.

Baccay stepped in front of Dhar now, protecting her, ‘what Aarna means is that you’re the best instructor we’ve ever had Agent Rizzoli. You’ve taught us more about what it means to be in this field, especially as women, than the others combined. We only wanted you to know we care and we’re here to help. We’ll leave you alone now.’

Jane blinked, her throat tight. She had spent so long being the only woman in the field. The few she had encountered, like Riley or Sands, had always been more interested in competing than assissting. It was part of what drew her to Maura in the first place. Maura never played power games. Maura never acted like there was only room for one woman at the table. Jane was unspeakably proud of her recruits in that moment. The feeling sparked something. ‘Wait, did you include everyone you talked to about me and Doctor Isles in your report?’

‘What?’ Dhar asked, clearly confused by the subject change.

‘Of course,’ Baccay responded, clearly offended at the notion she might have neglected something. ‘Why?’

Jane gestured for them to follow as she hurried to her office. ‘Some one has been asking questions about Maura but maybe it was just the two of you. She unlocked her office and let them in as she began rifling through her assignments.’

‘We made a complete list of everyone who we so much as mentioned her name to,’ Baccay replied steadily, ‘it should be at the front of the interviews tab.’

‘Someone has been asking questions about Doctor Isles in such a way that concerns you?’ Dhar asked, clearly chewing on a thought.

Jane found what she was looking for, she showed it to the pair of them. ‘And there’s no one else? No friends, no co-workers, coffee makers, family members, random people you forgot?’ Baccay nodded when she showed it to them. She began to scowl as Jane went on.

‘No Agent Rizzoli,’ Dhar replied. ‘We were not flippant in our interviewing process nor would we neglect to include someone’s name. We understand the importance of discretion. in a relationship.’ Dhar smiled softly at Baccay who was blushing and looking away. Jane would have to tell Maura she told her so later.

Jane stared at the list, willing a name to jump out at her. Most were fellow Agents working with Jane. A few were neighbours. Two were nurses at the clinic. Jane snapped a picture of the list and sent it to Frankie. Maybe he and Nina could run down a connection in the other direction. ‘Thank you, both,’ Jane said stopping to look at her recruits, ‘for the support and the discretion.’ She smiled at the pair, ‘I, as the kids say, ship it.’ She gestured between the two of them. Dhar blushed and smiled. Baccay slapped a hand to the back of her neck and muttered something Jane couldn’t hear. They excused themselves politely from her office when the agent was clearly distracted.

Aarna paused when they were out of earshot. ‘I’m sorry Noie, I didn’t mean to out us.’

Noemi smiled softly at her, endulgingly, ‘it’s okay Aarna. I think she had already figured it out.’ In a rare public display of affection, Noemi brushed an errant strand of hair away from her lover’s face. Aarna leaned in to the touch, her eyes closing and her lips pursing in to a soft relaxed smile. Noemi knew there were a million reasons they weren’t out. Cultural, professional, personal, you name it, but at moments like this Noemi desperately wished they were. 

A sound broke their reverie, causing them to jump away from one another. Aarna cleared her throat, her eyes twinkling and her cheeks flushed slightly. ‘Do you think we asked the wrong person about Doctor Isles? Opened the proverbial can of worms?’

Noemi considered it for a moment. ‘I don’t think so. Every one we talked to knew significantly more than we did about her. Besides her book sales are projected to be significant this winter. All any one has to do is open Twitter. She’s trending.’

Aarna wrinkled her nose in teasing distaste, ‘why am I unsurprised you know the projected number of book sales?’

Noemi smiled shyly and shrugged, ‘I did some research?’

‘Of course you did, love,’ Aarna said, her hands tugging softly at Noemi’s collar straightening it though they both knew it was merely an excuse to touch one another. Aarna was better at finding those professional excuses than Noemi was. Aarna looked down the hallway they had come, her eyebrows knitted together in concern. ‘Agent Rizzoli is worried and that worries me.’

Noemi sighed, ‘you’re wearing your I’ve-got-an-idea face.’

Aarna smiled brightly at Noemi, warming Noemi’s cheeks. ‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘Nothing,’ Noemi replied, feeling a bit star struck by the brightness of that grin, ‘except it usually means a lot of work and the statistical likelihood of one or both of us getting in trouble.’

Aarna laughed, the sound bubbling softly from her mouth like some hypnotising melody straight from the mouth of a Sirena and just like that Noemi was drowning. ‘But we always have fun,’ Aarna asked.

It was probably rhetorical but Noemi answered anyways, feeling bold, ‘do you promise?’ Noemi raised one eyebrow, offering a challenge.

There was a flash of heat in Aarna’s eyes, her own eyes wiggling in a pleased sort of way. Her voice came out as a husky whisper, ‘I do.’

Noemi gave an exaggerated sigh, ‘then, I suppose I will help with whatever you have planned.’

‘I am indebted,’ Aarna said offering a half bow to Noemi, she glanced up through her lashes with a mischievous smirk that stole Noemi's breath away, ‘and I always repay my debts.’

Noemi felt her face flush and her heart thump. She figured there was a fifty five percent chance that Aarna’s plan got them in trouble with the FBI at large, an eighty five percent chance that it would get them in trouble with Agent Rizzoli specifically, and a one hundred percent chance that Aarna would make up for it with mind blowing sex. Noemi could take those odds. ‘Alright, what’s the plan?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Maura. I promise Jane can't avoid her too much longer. Jane is wrapped around her pinky finger. 
> 
> Some of you asked for more Dhar/Baccay and since I ship it, I just went ahead and made it official. Also for those who didn't know a Sirena is a Filipino mermaid folk-tale. Most typical mermaid stereotypes remain, including enchanting voices.


	37. Chapter 37

Maura dropped her luggage at the front door of her Boston home. In a completely uncharacteristic move, she left them in a pile at the door and headed straight for the kitchen. It had been two very long weeks without a single conversation of substance with Jane. Maura had tried, she really had, to be patient. To get on with her work. She prided herself on not being defined by her previous partnerships. She was her own person, thank you very much, with her own objectives and goals to accomplish. In her mind, it was her own feminist manifesto to have a life and career outside of her previous significant others. Maura knew that was still technically true. She had worked hard on her novel. She was proud of it. She _wanted_ it to sell. But Jane. That was the root of it. But Jane. Jane meant more than that. Jane meant everything.

Unfortunately, Maura wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do in regards to Jane. All her offers to quit the tour had been wholly rejected by Jane. Maura had considered doing so anyways, if only to handcuff Jane to their kitchen table to force into talking about her feelings. She might very well handcuff Jane in Baltimore. As far as anyone could tell, Maura wasn’t under direct threat. As far as anyone could tell, Maura was no less safe on tour than at home in Virginia. Maura poured herself a sizeable glass of wine and took a sip. She wandered back towards her bedroom, perhaps some wine and meditation would help her to accept that which she could not change, namely Jane’s fear.

Maura set her wine glass down and began to strip. What she needed was yoga. Wine, yoga, and after a hot bath. Maybe being home, even if it was home in Boston not Virginia, would help her to find a solution. Maybe, like a thought carving a familiar path through the neurones in the brain, time spent here solving so many cases before would guide her to the answer. Having changed, Maura crossed to the yoga room. She turned the lights on low and started her meditation soundtrack. She started in swastikasan pose.

Maura wasn’t sure how long she had been stretching and drinking. Long enough for the knots in her back had begun to melt away and her head to have that pleasant buzzy sensation. A knock at her yoga door broke her from her pattern. ‘Come in, Angela,’ Maura called. That it was Angela, Maura took for granted. She supposed it could be Cailin. She sometimes came over when she needed a quiet space to study. The person Maura wanted it to be was several states over and wilfully ignoring her at the moment.

‘Maura, honey,’ Angela opened the door, her eyebrows knitted in worry, ‘are you alright? Your luggage is still downstairs.’

Maura finished child’s pose and began to sit up in a slow steadying manner, ‘it’s been a long few weeks.’ It wasn’t an explanation but it wasn’t a lie either. Maura didn’t particularly feel like trying to explain. ‘I will get my luggage later.’

Angela nodded, chewing on her cheek, ‘I don’t care about your luggage honey, I care about you.’

Maura let out a deep breath, ‘thank you Angela.’ She didn’t try to say she was fine, she wasn’t, and the last thing Maura wanted was to deal with hives tonight. ‘I appreciate your checking on me.’

‘But you’d like me to go now?’ Angela asked, a reserved sigh leaving her lips.

Maura thought about it for a moment. Was that what she wanted? It was what Jane would want. Perhaps that was why she was shaking her head. It was petty to feel she was spiting Jane. Trying to achieve some small form of payback but in truth Maura hadn’t had a _real_ conversation in weeks. ‘Actually, Angela, if you’d let me take a quick shower, I’d love to join you for dinner.’

Angela turned back and smiled at her, ‘sure sweetie. I’ll whip us something up. Take your time. I’ll help you with your luggage after, hmm?’

Maura nodded and offered what felt like her first real smile in two weeks. ‘Thank you, Angela.’

Maura felt better after her shower. Enough to cringe at her bags sitting in a haphazard pile at the door as she came down her stairs.

‘Maura!’ a voice called. Maura looked up to find Cailin at her kitchen island.

‘Cailin, hello, what a pleasant surprise,’ Maura said with a smile for her younger sister. Cailin bounced up from her seat to sweep her in a hug. For a moment, just a moment, Maura feels uncomfortable. Then she yields, leans in to the hug, the first true comfort she’s had since Philadelphia.

‘I hope you don’t mind my just stopping in,’ Cailin said pulling away, ‘I knew I wouldn’t get to see you otherwise.’

‘Of course not,’ Maura replied with a smile, ‘you’re always welcome.’

Cailin grinned at her, ‘good. I see you’re all unpacked.’ Cailin gestured teasingly at the luggage.

Maura blushed but was saved by Angela. ‘Leave her be, she’s been all over the country.’

Cailin winked at Maura, ‘yeah how goes the celebrity tour sis?’

Cailin was confounding to Maura. ‘I’m hardly a celebrity Cailin,’ Maura stated.

‘No?’ Cailin asked, ‘wealthy, famous author, trending online? Tell me do you have someone who manages your social media?’

Maura blushed, ‘yes, well my publicist…’

‘Celebrity.’ Cailin interrupted teasingly.

‘Oh, you,’ Angela said, swatting at Cailin with a towel, ‘leave your sister be.’ Cailin laughed, trying to outrun the towel. Maura laughed too. It felt good. Better than yoga and wine. The only thing that could make it better was - no. Maura wasn’t going to let herself go there. 

Dinner was delightful. Talking to people she actually cared about, talking about anything _besides_ her book, laughing. It was exactly what Maura needed. Cailin kept her laughing with her college stories. She even asked Maura for some advice on a boy. Maura had to admit she had a tendency of chasing her dates away by diagnosing them on sight. That made Cailin laugh. Angela made them fresh brownies and hot chocolate. It was sweet, domestic. Almost perfect. Almost.

Shortly before midnight, Maura offered Cailin the use of her spare bedroom. She was glad when Cailin accepted. It meant breakfast together. Maura wished Cailin a good night, and after a moments hesitation, Maura pressed a kiss to her sister’s cheek. ‘Goodnight Cailin, thank you for coming over tonight. I didn’t know how badly I needed it.’

‘You’re welcome Maura,’ Cailin smiled, ‘if you want to talk about whatever is bothering you, I’m here. Okay?’

Maura felt her eyes dampen, ‘thank you Cailin. I appreciate that.’ In her own bedroom, Maura glanced at her phone. A pile of emails were waiting for her but her messages were woefully empty. Maura opened a new message and typed in Jane’s name. She wrote, then rewrote her message. Maura read it over again, her phone lingering over the send button. She closed her eyes and tapped the button. A soft swoosh sound let her know it had been sent.

_‘I’m headed to bed. I had a wonderful dinner with Angela and Cailin. It was almost perfect. Except for the fact that you weren’t here. I miss you. I hate that you’re avoiding me and I’m trying to give you the space you need. I just miss you. Terribly. I love you. Good night Jane.’_

* * *

Vinnie flicked his lighter. How easy would it be to set Maura Isle’s home on fire? A bit of accelerant and one tiny spark. That was it. Vinnie was tempted. He had the opportunity. Who would know? He flicked his lighter again. It was tempting but Maura Isles had money. She could rebuild. What Vinnie didn’t want was for Maura Isles to be able to pick up the pieces of her life. A fire wouldn’t cut it. He watched the dark haired woman through the window. A fire risked the possibility of her escape. He couldn’t have that. Vinnie flicked his lighter one last time before turning and walking away. Self-restraint was a virtue and Vinnie prided himself on being a virtuous man but even he could only endure so much temptation. Dogs barking echoed in the distance as Vinnie faded in to the darkness.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the RATING CHANGE. We are getting to the more explicit/violent part of the story. This chapter is NSFW. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: avoidance, burns.

Jane sat in her car, hand lingering on the key in the ignition. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do a weekend with Maura without falling apart. Jane pulled her hand without starting her car. She grabbed her phone and sent Maura a text:

_‘Hey. Are you sure you want me to come? I know you’re busy.’_

Jane wasn’t sure what she was hoping for. She wanted to see Maura. She really, truly did. More than anything but she also wasn’t sure how to do that without telling her everything. Without freaking out. Without making Maura feel guilty. Jane didn’t have long to stew on it. Maura was video calling her. Jane flinched but clicked the green button anyways.

‘Jane Clementine Rizzoli,’ Maura began her face furrowed and worried, ‘don’t you dare.’

‘Maura,’ Jane replied, her voice tired. ‘I just don’t want to burden you.’

‘Don’t you dare put this on me Jane!’ Maura replied her tone wounded and angry, ‘I get that you are worried about me but avoiding me isn’t doing either of us any favours and I’m done with it. I haven’t seen you in a month. I’m angry and I miss you. So either you make the drive or I do. Choose.’

‘Maura, come on, you have a book reading tonight and that meeting tomorrow. You don’t have time for me,’ Jane said. It sounded weak even in her ears.

‘Choose,’ Maura replied, stone faced.

Jane sat silent, scowling. She hated this. It was Maura. She could always talk to Maura. ‘Maura…’ Jane began, not sure of how to finish.

‘Choose, Jane,’ Maura held up her keys, ‘or I will choose for you.’

Jane ran her free hand through her hair, shaking it slightly, as if she could comb her fears out. ‘I’m coming. Okay? I’m coming. Don’t cancel anything.’

Maura smiled, satisfied, ‘good. I will see you in two hours.’

Jane gave a shaky smile in return. Jane could never not be happy to see Maura. She supposed her time was up, she had to face the consequences eventually. She started the car, backing out of the driveway. She supposed she had two hours to decide how she wanted to do this. Two hours was definitely not enough time to figure out how to explain why Jane was avoiding Maura.

Jane pulled in to the hotel parking lot and cut the engine. She took a few steadying breaths. She could do this. It was Maura. Her Maura. Jane grabbed her bag from the text and headed for the lobby, texting Maura she was there. In response, Jane got a room number. Jane hit the up button on the elevator. The elevator ride felt like an eternity and like no time at all. Jane took another steadying breath as she stared at room 328. Jane was about to answer when Maura opened the door. Jane was surprised, ‘Maura, hi.’

‘Jane!’ Maura exclaimed, grabbing at Jane and pulling her in to a tight hug. Jane wasn’t sure what she was expecting. A slap perhaps. She deserved it. Instead Maura was holding her. That broke Jane. Her eyes welled up and she clung back to Maura. Sweet, strong Maura who was safe in her arms at last. Maura pulled away but did not let go completely, she pulled Jane in to her room by her hand and guided her to the couch. ‘Sit, please.’ Jane did, feeling meek. Maura knelt on the ground before Jane, taking Jane’s face in her hands and looked in to her eyes. Hazel eyes met brown. Jane’s stomach churned at the heart ache she saw on Maura’s face, ache caused by Jane’s emotional constipation.

‘Maura…’ Jane began.

Maura shook her head. ‘Not yet. Just let me look at you.’ Looking, apparently, also meant touching. Maura’s hands traced her cheek bones before falling back to Jane’s scalp, tugging softly on her hair. They traced the back of her neck, along the muscles from neck to shoulder, down her arms and to her hands. Maura drew each hand softly to her lips pressing a quiet kiss to each one before she met Jane’s eyes again. This time Maura pressed forward, claiming a soft kiss from Jane’s lips. She followed this with a kiss to Jane’s left cheek, then her right, and finally her forehead. ‘I was so worried about you,’ she whispered softly. Jane was dumbstruck. Maura’s life was in danger and she was worried about Jane. When Maura pulled back, she stood up and sat on the couch as close to Jane as she could without being in Jane’s physical lap. She took Jane’s hand in her own, lacing their fingers together, ‘talk to me, please?’

It’s a request. For all of Maura’s bluster, she was asking Jane to participate. Jane could still refuse. Maura always gave Jane an option. An out. Jane was pretty sure Maura would even understand if Jane took it. Instead Jane nodded. ‘I’m scared. I hate knowing you’re in danger. I hate knowing I can’t protect you. I hate that this is happening while you’re on tour.’

Maura nodded, ‘I know that sweetie. I really do. So why are you avoiding me?’

Jane hung her head. She wasn’t really sure anymore. It had made sense at the time but now? Sitting with Maura? Jane wasn’t sure. ‘I think I thought I was protecting you. You didn’t think it was a big deal and if you weren’t scared or worried… I guess I didn’t want you to take on mine. I know it doesn’t make much sense.’

Maura brushed a tear from her cheek, ‘I did though. You weren’t talking to me. I knew you were worried and scared and alone. So was I. You made it all worse by not letting me in. By avoiding me. All I’ve wanted is to talk to you.’

‘I know,’ Jane murmured feeling ashamed. ‘I know I made it worse.’

Maura nodded, ‘I love you too much to not talk to you for weeks on end. I need you too much to not talk to you. Okay?’ Jane nodded, feeling her own tears falling. ’So from now on, we share our feelings okay? We’re partners. We shouldn’t have to do any of this alone.’ Jane nodded again. Maura pulled her in for a hug. Holding her as she cried. Jane let it all out. Her anger, her frustration, her worry. She cried until she didn’t have tears left to cry any more and let Maura hold her. Jane never knew how it was that Maura could make her feel simultaneously so vulnerable and so secure. It never failed to confuse and amaze Jane.

‘Better?’ Maura asked, pressing a kiss to Jane’s head.

Jane nodded, ‘yes. Thank you and I’m sorry for not talking to you earlier.’

Maura smiled wryly above her, ‘you’re forgiven. Fear and love can make us do crazy things.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Jane asked, curious to see if there was something more behind that statement.

Maura blushed slightly, ‘I may have been ready to make the drive myself.’

‘So you said,’ Jane replied.

‘I might also have a pair of handcuffs that I was prepared to use to make you talk,’ Maura replied.

‘Maura!’ Jane replied sitting up, ‘you were going to trap me?’

Maura chuckled, ‘I was going to handcuff us together, yes.’ Jane looked at her, eyes narrowed in disbelief. Then she laughed. ‘I’m glad it didn’t come to that,’ Maura said with a relieved little smile.

‘Me too,’ Jane said pressing a kiss to Maura’s cheek, ‘and I promise to never make you want to use handcuffs again.’

Maura shrugged, ‘I’m not completely opposed to handcuffs in the bedroom.’

‘Doctor Isles!’ Jane shouted with a laugh, ‘Who knew you’re the handcuff kind?’

Maura smirked, ‘I certainly don’t have a problem with you having been a cop.’

‘Don’t you have a book reading to get to,’ Jane asked shaking her head. They were getting in to dangerous territory, territory that she had not researched in all of her worry.

Maura sighed and stood. She stretched, her body elongating in a tantalising way. ‘I suppose though I’m certainly open to other opportunities should they arrive.’ Maura wriggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Jane felt her cheeks glow as she chuckled, ‘go get ready. I want to hear you read.’

‘I could always read to you in bed,’ Maura replied with a seductive sort of grin, ‘you could be my personal audience of one.’

That thought left Jane’s mouth dry and her tongue heavy. ’Nnnngh,’ Jane said blinking.

Maura laughed, relenting, ‘I’m going, I’m going.’ And she did. Leaving Jane feeling uncomfortably turned on and desperately wishing she had spent the last two weeks figuring out the whole lady-sex thing.

* * *

Aarna was finishing frying the last of dosas. Her potato and onion curry was simmering ready to stuff the crepe. She had already dished up the chutney. She was hoping to have dinner mostly ready by the time Noie got back with the dogs from the dog park. Dog sitting for Agent Rizzoli was as good an excuse to have a private date. Aarna intended to show Noie every bit of love she could this weekend, since they had the house to themselves. They didn’t have to worry about being caught out. They could just be them. Aarna was kicking the weekend off by making Masala Dosas. She had set the mood with candles, a fire in the fireplace, soft music playing. She’d set the coffee table, complete with blankets and couch cushions so they could have a fireside picnic. Aarna swayed her hips in beat to the music.

Noie came in the back door. ‘Aarna! We’re back,’ she called, as though the dogs running through the house wouldn’t alert Aarna.

‘Welcome home love!’ Aarna said with a smile, ‘would you be so kind as to go on a date with me?’

Noie blinked as she looked around. Some people had a hard time reading Noemi’s face.Some of the men in the program made jokes about her having a resting bitch face. It had taken most of Aarna’s will power to not settle the matter with fists. She settled for implying their penises must be incredibly small if they were threatened by Noemi’s facial structure. It had silenced the group rather effectively. Aarna never struggled with reading Noemi’s face. It was subtle, sure, but that was part of what Aarna loved about it. You had to give Noie your full attention. You had to earn it. A glance could never do. Right now, Noemi’s face was showing amazement which suited Aarna just fine.

‘Mahál!’ Noemi said, ‘did you do all of this for me?’ She walked toward Aarna. Aarna pulled the last dosa from the pan, turning the stove off. Then she opened her arms for Noemi to settle in to.

‘For us, of course,’ Aarna replied with a smile. She pressed a kiss to Noemi’s head, careful to keep her oily hands away from Noie’s clothing.

Noemi pulled away, her hands holding Aarna in place as she looked up in to Aarna’s eyes. ‘You’re wonderful. Have I mentioned that?’ Noemi pressed up on to her tip toes to press a kiss to Aarna’s lips. Aarna couldn’t help the smile that played across her face. Noemi pulled away, wearing her own soft smile.

‘Dinner still needs a few moments,’ Aarna said. ‘I have to stuff the dosas.’

‘Do you need help?’ Noemi asked quirking her head to the left.

‘Nope,’ Aarna replied pressing a kiss to the tip of Noie’s nose, ‘I’ve got it. Go sit down.’

Noie pout was slight. Easy to miss but oh how Aarna loved it when she made that pout appear, ‘but mahál if I sit, my view is obstructed.’

Aarna laughed, ‘well I wouldn’t want to ruin the view but I do have to move.’

Noemi’s pout deepened, ‘what if I don’t want you to? What if I like having you right here, unable to do anything in return.’

Aarna licked her lips, a familiar heat in her belly. Noemi was unlike any Aarna had ever known before. It took her a sentence. A single sentence to turn Aarna in to a writhing mess. ‘Noie,’ Aarna groaned. She wasn’t sure what she was begging for, more or less.

Noie pushed her back in to the counter top, her hands on Aarna’s hips burning even through Aarna’s clothes. ‘What if,’ Noemi asked her eyes blazing with heat, ‘I want you like this. Right here, right now?’

Aarna struggled to breath. Her mind racing. ‘I have ghee on my fingers love.’

Noemi laughed softly, ‘who said you’d need your hands?’ She pressed a tender kiss to Aarna’s neck, finding that spot that always made Aarna’s bones feel all melty.

‘Mmmm,’ Aarna moaned, ‘but I like touching you.’

Noemi nipped softly at the spot her lips had been a moment before, ‘you’re very good at too but sometimes I want you all to myself. I’m selfish like that.’ Noemi’s hands tugged at the hem of her shirt, slipping beneath the layer and on to Aarna’s bare skin. Her thumbs stroking burning paths of pleasure along her stomach.

Aarna felt a whimper leave her throat. ‘Noie,’ she let out a whispered breath.

Noemi’s fingers found her pant button, undoing the thing in a smooth motion. Aarna squeezed her eyes shut in overwhelming pleasure. ‘I want you Aarna,’ Noie whispered in to the shell of Aarna’s ear, her breath hot and ragged. It was like dragging nails across her spine.

Aarna gave in, acquiescing to her lovers desire. If Noemi wanted her now, she was powerless to fight it. She moved her hands back behind her to brace against the counter. Just as Noemi’s sly fingers began to slip beneath her underwear Aarna’s hand exploded with searing heat. And not the sexy good kind. She yelped and pulled her hand off the hot burner she had set her hand on.

Aarna would never be able to tell you how Noemi could move so quickly. Her hand was freed from Aarna’s pants and cradling Aarna’s own burned hand in the blink of an eye. When she spoke, her voice was tight with concern, ‘oh god Aarna! Your hand!’

Aarna tried to force a chuckle through the pain, ‘but the sex!’

Noemi rolled her eyes, her smile affectionate. She reached around Aarna and turned off the simmering curry. She looked closely at Aarna’s hand. It didn’t seem too bad. Red but not blistering. ‘Let’s run this under water,’ Noemi murmured, ‘then I’ll find some gauze for it. Okay?’

Aarna hurt too much to fight too hard, ‘fine but only if we can role-play sexy doctor afterwards.’

Noemi snorted, ‘you’re impossible.’

‘That’s not a no,’ Aarna pointed out.

Noemi turned on the tap to luke warm and guided Aarna’s hand beneath. Aarna sighed at the relief as Noemi slowly turned the water colder. ‘It’s not a no,’ Noemi said, pressing a kiss to Aarna’s cheek. Noemi frowned as the skin began to blister. ‘It’s a good thing we were going to the clinic tomorrow anyways.’

Aarna pursed her lips. She hated going to the doctor. ‘I’m fine Noemi. Just throw some gauze on it, it’ll be fine.’

Noemi stared at her hard, ‘you are not fine. That is a second degree burn at the minimum. You’re crazy if you think we are going to go interview those nurses without asking at least one of them to look at your hand.’

Behind her Berry and Boston barked as if she was agreeing with Noemi. How was Aarna supposed to overrule them when it was three to one. In an exaggerated sigh of surrender she said, ‘fine.’

Noemi smiled at her, ‘now lets go see if we can alleviate your doctor phobia.’ She took Aarna’s unburned hand and leads her up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jane is slowly learning to be more emotionally open. And about what it means to be in a relationship. And Maura is a gentle teacher. 
> 
> Mahál is Tagalog and it means Beloved/love/dear one. I did do a bit of research on it but if I got it wrong, please let me know.
> 
> That second section got away from me there, story of this story.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW, for reals.

Maura held Jane’s hand as they walked the few blocks back to her rental car. Her thumb grazing over Jane’s knuckles and across the scar Hoyt had left behind. Having Jane with her, having Jane in her audience listening to her read, her gaze fixed on Maura with adoring affection, had been indescribably fulfilling. Maura was happy, well and truly happy, to live in this moment for the rest of time. Maura smiled when they got to the car. Jane smiled back. Maura leaned in close, pressing a tender kiss to the corner of Jane’s mouth as she reached behind Jane to open the door to the car. Since it was Maura’s rental, Maura got to drive and Jane just had to cope with being pampered. Jane was still feeling guilty. Maura could feel it in the way she took Maura’s hand, tentatively as if she was unsure if Maura would permit it. She could see the shadow behind every look, the slight crease in her eye brows though she was trying to keep herself from enjoying it too much. So Maura went above and beyond to show Jane she was forgiven, wanted, loved. Pampered. Maura loved pampering Jane. It was its own kind of thrill.

Maura closed the door gently after Jane climbed in. She crossed the car and climbed in the drivers seat. She shot another encouraging smile at Jane and asked, ‘are you ready to go back to the hotel, sweetie?’ Maura watched as Jane’s eyes bulged, her cheeks reddening, her throat moving with a fairly silent gulp. Maura had to resist chuckling. On the scale of harmless to scandalous, her comment definitely fell on the harmless side. Maura smirked, ‘I didn’t mean anything by that Jane though I’m certainly not opposed either. I was simply wondering if there was anything else you wanted or needed to do before we go back.’

Jane looked pointedly away, ‘yeah lets head back.’

It was silent in the car. Maura did her best to keep her eyes on the road and her hands on the steering wheel. She had autopsied too many car accident victims to be anything but an overly cautious driver. Being uncertain as to where Jane’s head was at, Maura said nothing not wanting to make things worse. When she parked and turned off the engine she turned to look at Jane. ‘Jane, you know I’m not expecting anything, right? There’s no pressure.’

‘Yeah, Maur,’ Jane replied, ‘I know. Can we talk upstairs?’

‘Of course,’ Maura replied with her brightest smile. Maura was pleased when Jane took her hand along the way. Maura gave Jane’s hand a soft squeeze back. Maura almost missed the soft smile Jane gave. It made Maura’s heart race.

Maura opened the hotel room and stood back to let Jane in. Jane made a bee line for the bedroom. ‘Jammies first!’ Jane called out. It made Maura chuckle. She collected a bottle of wine and two glasses and brought them to the bedroom. While Jane changed in the bathroom, Maura stripped and changed in to her own pyjamas - one of Jane’s softest BPD shirts and a pair of loose pyjama shorts that were blue with white elephants on them. The shirt had lost Jane’s scent several washes ago but Maura loved it anyways. Not exactly sexy lingerie but Maura supposed she had pressed Jane far enough in that regard tonight. Donning her best silk might actually cause an apoplexy.

Jane emerged from the bathroom wearing Maura’s BCU hoodie and BPD sweat pants. Maura smiled. It wasn’t often she and Jane shared clothes, their styles were totally disparate, but Maura had to admit Jane looked good wearing her sweatshirt. Maura held up the wine in a silent question. ‘Yes, please,’ Jane answered with a smile of her own. ‘You look good in that,’ Jane said, gesturing to Maura’s shirt, ‘I was wondering where that shirt got to.’

Maura blushed as she poured the wine, ‘I wanted to have something of yours with me. I’m sorry if I crossed a line.’

Jane shook her head and smiled, ‘I’m glad you took it. What’s mine is yours.’ Their fingers brushed as Maura passed Jane her wine glass. Jane blushed and looked away. Maura blushed and smiled. She enjoyed having this affect on Jane.

‘So,’ Maura prompted, sipping on her wine.

‘Right,’ Jane said clearing her throat. ‘I, uh, had this plan for what tonight was going to be.’

‘Oh?’ Maura asked, doing her best to show interest without expectation. It was truly a balancing act.

Jane took a gulp of wine, which was really not the way wine was supposed to be enjoyed but Maura didn’t say anything, ‘I thought… after Philly… I mean… I wanted… I had this plan.’

‘You said that already,’ Maura said with a wry smile. Her Jane was nervous. What a rare treat.

‘I know…’ Jane shoves a shaking hand through her hair. ‘When I left Philly… I was thinking about meeting with you here in Baltimore and about how I was ready to… you know.’

‘Have intercourse?’ Maura asks raising a single eyebrow in challenge.

‘Christ Maura!’ Jane exclaimed, ‘call it sex or banging or something normal, please.’

Maura laughed, ‘intercourse is normal Jane. It’s the medically accepted term.’

‘Well I’m not talking to my doctor, I’m talking to my girlfriend!’

‘Your girlfriend who happens to be a doctor,’ Maura teased. Jane just groaned in reply. ‘Very well, for the purposes of this conversation I will call it sex.’

‘Thank you very much,’ Jane said, her tone sarcastic but not malicious, ‘so I was driving through Baltimore and I realised that I don’t have any… um… experience with this whole thing.’ Jane gestured between them with a flapping hand. ‘So I figured I would use our time apart to study. Learn. Figure it out and then I’d sweep you off your feet in Baltimore.’ Jane let out a shaky breath, Maura pressed a hand to her lips to hold back a giggle. ‘And then everything with Frankie happened and I forgot to do research and now… I just… I guess I don’t know if we should… if I should… or if I should, you know, regroup and try again later.’

Maura tried, she really tried, to not laugh. She knew Jane was being vulnerable, she was sharing something hard for her. She wanted Jane to share these things with her. She wanted Jane to feel comfortable and safe with her. But they had such different ideas about intercourse that it was a struggle to not laugh. When she was sure her amusement would not show in her voice, Maura asked, ‘are you asking for my opinion on the matter? Or are you just thinking out loud?’ Maura placed her hand over Jane’s own. ‘I’m okay with either one.’

Jane nibbled on her cheek, thinking. Maura had to resist touching Jane. ‘Both?’ Jane asked, ‘I think… maybe… both.’

‘Was there something in particular you wanted to research?’ Maura asked, ‘I have plenty of resources I could point you towards. We could even look at them together.’

‘No offence Maura,’ Jane said, ‘but I don’t think I could research this with you without my head exploding.’ Her tone was teasing but Maura could hear the hints of truth behind it. ‘I know how it works… you know… the process… the options… women have when it come to sex,’ Jane continued, ‘I’m just… not sure how to do it in reality. How to move from the theoretical.’

Maura understood this. It was just like the first time she had performed a y-incision. She’d been so nervous she had thrown up outside of the cadaver room. She knew everything she needed to, in practice, but she had never actually held that scalpel, had never made that cut. ‘Well what do you envision it looking like?’ Maura asked. Sometimes living something out in ones imagination helped.

Jane blushed a furious red. ‘I’m uh… that’s… I guess I’m just more smooth about it.’

‘Smooth? Like you’ve shaved recently?’ Maura asked confused.

Jane shakes her head hard, ‘no. Well, yes, but no. I mean… I just… know what to say. What to do. And I do it. You know?’

‘Hmm,’ Maura responds, ‘and am I smooth? Do I know what to do?’

Jane chuckles, ‘you’re already smooth Maur. You’re the sexiest, smoothest person I have met.’

‘I am?’ Maura asks, genuinely surprised.

‘Yeah. You’ll say something in this one tone and I want to strip you then and there. And then you’ll give me this look and all I want to do is….’ Jane trails off her cheeks an adorable red.

Maura smiles, ‘I think your perceptions are skewed. You’re infatuated with me so your brain is pumping out large amounts of dopamine, oxytocin and adrenaline and everything I say and do is filtered through that. Thats why you think I’m so attractive, your brain is in a neurochemical pleasure bath. 

Jane looks at her, mouth open, eyes wide. ‘See.’ Jane says at last, ‘like that. You go all Doctor Encyclopedia and I’m ready to throw all of our clothes off.’

Maura laughed. Jane grinned, pleased with herself. ‘By all means,’ Maura said flirtatiously, ‘please do.’ Maura laughed again as she watches Jane go from pleased to panicky. ‘How did it go with men, for you? How did things start then?’

Jane set aside her empty wine cup and shrugged, ‘I don’t know. I never really initiated. Figured it was more on them since they usually wanted it more. I just had to show up and let it happen.’ Maura’s brow furrowed, looking concerned. Jane corrected herself,‘I mean I was always willing… just… you know. I did the yes saying not the asking bit.’

‘Oh,’ Maura replies, ‘well I could do the asking. I wouldn’t mind. I’m quite adept at asking for what I need.’

Jane surprised her by shaking her head again, hard. ‘No,’ Jane said. Her cheeks, which had finally returned to a normal shade began to redden again, ‘I’ve never... wanted it this bad. I want to initiate.’

Maura set her cup aside as well, ‘why? You aren’t thinking it’s because you’re the man in the relationship, right?’

Jane laughed then, ‘no Maura. I don’t think I’m the man. I just… with men it was always nice but it was never…. I never finished. You know?’

‘You mean orgasmed?’ Maura asks. Jane nods, ‘well that’s not uncommon. One in three women don’t experience orgasms from penetrative sex. It’s quite normal. Though there isn’t much on the subject, there’s a growing body of evidence that suggests that number is much lower in same sex partnerships. Probably because same sex couples are open to a variety of sexual positions and sexual styles. They aren’t confined to one particular style.’

Jane quirked her head to the side, ‘really?’

‘Certainly,’ Maura replied, ’the Kinsey Institute has several fascinating studies going on.’

‘That’s oddly reassuring,’ Jane said with a smile, ‘not that I was worried that I was broken or something but it would be nice to…’ Jane trailed off.

‘Orgasm?’ Maura asked, keeping her tone carefully neutral. Jane nodded. ‘Well,’ Maura replied, ‘I could take the lead there. I’m certainly eager to try.’ She smiled sweetly as she watched Jane gulp again.

‘God’ Jane half groaned, ‘you’re totally a top aren’t you.’

‘A top?’ Maura asked, her head quirking. ‘As in I prefer to be in the top position?’

Jane blushed, ‘no… it’s…. you’re dominant. In control. The pleasure giver more than receiver. A top. Opposed to a bottom. A submissive. A receiver. Usually the surrenderer.’

Maura considered the question with more seriousness than Jane was expecting, ‘I think I prefer to take turns. Sometimes its nice to be a top. Sometimes its nice to be a bottom. Being categorically limited to one or the other seems like a waste of pleasurable opportunities.’ Jane’s blushing again. ‘Would you like me to be a top for you?’ Maura asks seductively, her fingers tracing a pattern on Jane’s wrist.

Jane gulps, ‘um. Maybe? Someday?’

Maura withdraws her hand and nods, ‘but you want a turn first?’

Jane nods, ‘not to be a top… but to initiate. You know? I really, _really_ want this. I want to show you how much I want this.’

’But you’re still afraid?’ Maura asks, her tone soft and empathetic.

Jane considers it for a moment, ‘I think more nervous than afraid.’ Jane shoved her hands through her hair again, ‘God. The things you do to me Maura. I just… I want to be able to make it just as good for you.’

Maura smiles at Jane. ‘Do you trust me?’ Jane nodded immediately. ‘Give me your hand.’ Jane extended her arm, offering her hand. Maura turned it over and manipulated her fingers. Maura pointed Jane’s first two fingers in to a straight extended point and closed the rest of her fingers in to a loose fist. Slowly she brought Jane’s fingers to her own neck. Places them softly against her pulse. ‘Do you feel that?’

‘Your heart beat?’ Jane shifts slightly, leaning her closer. Adjusting the angle of her wrist to take Maura’s pulse, ‘what about it?’

’Count them.’

‘Count your heart beats?’ Jane asked.

‘I’ll time it for you.' Maura lifted her arm to glance at her watch. ‘Start.’

Jane counted the beats silently. Her eyes drinking in every inch of Maura while the doctor was watching her watch.

‘Stop,’ Maura said. ‘That was fifteen seconds. What’s my resting heart rate Jane?’

’16 beats so thats,’ Jane paused to do the math. ’64.’ Jane went to move her hand away but Maura stopped her putting it back. ‘Maur?’ Jane asked.

‘Kiss me. Kiss me anywhere.’ Maura said, ‘but keep your hand here. Feel my heart beat.’ Maura closed her eyes, waiting.

Jane shifted, uncertain at first. Then she presses her lips ever so slightly to Maura’s cheek. It’s chaste and sweet. Beneath Jane’s fingers, Maura’s pulse jumped. Her heart racing. Maura smiled softly, happily. ‘Woah,’ Jane whispers.

Maura opened her eyes, ‘do you feel that?’

‘Your hearts racing,’ Jane murmured.

‘That’s what you do to me,’ Maura whispers, ‘every time.’

Jane shifts closer, all but climbing in to Maura’s lap. Her height forces Maura to look up at her, her eyes soft and adoring. Jane readjusts her fingers to keep them glued to Maura’s pulse, ‘can I try something else?’ Jane asks. Her voice is gravelly but soft. Maura nods. Jane presses her lips softly against Maura’s, letting her tongue tease for entrance in to Maura’s mouth. Jane feels Maura’s heart speed up again, racing from the simplicity of her kiss. When she pulls back, Jane can see it in Maura’s eyes. ‘I really do affect you too, don’t I?’ Jane asks in soft amazement.

‘More than you could ever know,’ Maura answers in reply, her tone adoring. Jane hums in reply, her eyes flitting over Maura’s face. Drinking her in.

Jane bit her lower lip, ‘could I keep trying?’

Maura smiles, her cheeks warming, ‘anything you want Jane.’

Jane climbs outright in to her lap, straddling Maura. Maura lets her own hands settle on to Jane’s waist, holding her close as Jane begins to pepper her face with kisses. Maura’s pulse is a fiddle played to the tune of Jane’s whims. It beats wildly with each touch of their lips, Jane pausing long enough for it slow only to start it again with another tantalising touch. Maura isn’t sure whether to giggle with Jane’s delight or moan in her own pleasure. After a while, Jane’s hand moves from her pulse to her hair. Her nails scrape the base of Maura’s neck as her hips grind softly down against Maura, seeking friction. Maura moans. Actually moans. They haven’t even done anything and Maura is aflame. ‘Jane,’ Maura gets out a whispered plea. Jane’s lips find her pulse point then, setting off fireworks in Maura’s mind. Jane’s free hand slips just under the hem of Maura’s blouse. ‘Jane, baby,’ Maura pants. She hates what she has to do, ‘wait.’ Maura pushes Jane back slightly. Not off. Just enough to get Jane’s attention.

Jane pulls back frowning, ‘sorry. Did I do it wrong? Take it too far?’

Maura shakes her head. ‘No. You were good… wonderful… perfect… too perfect.’

‘Oh,’ Jane said, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

‘I just… need to know the rules,’ Maura whispers, trying to catch her breath.

‘The rules?’ Jane asks.

‘Yes. The rules for this interaction,’ Maura says.

‘What rules?’ Jane asks confused. ‘Are there rules?’

‘I just…’ Maura says, ‘I want to touch you but you said you aren’t ready for sex. And you’re kissing me and I’m so close to orgasming and I’m not sure whats permitted and whats not.’

‘You can come from kissing?’ Jane asks, sounding amazed and bit jealous.

Maura blushes, ‘when you’re sitting in my lap, moving against me, kissing me like that? Yes. Yes I can.’

Jane’s grin in pure mischief. Her hips slide forward moving against Maura again, ‘like this?’

‘Yeeesss,’ Maura hisses in reply, squeezing her eyes shut. She tightens her grip on Jane’s hips, stalling the other woman’s movement. ‘I’m serious Jane. I need to know what’s allowed before we continue. I need consent.’

Jane pulls back to look Maura in the eye. ‘You’re serious?’

Maura nods, biting her lower lip. ‘I am,’ Maura reaches up and touches Jane’s cheek, ‘I don’t want to cross your boundaries even accidentally and I don’t want this to be something that just happens. I want to know your a full and willing participant. I want to follow your rules. And right now I can’t do that.’

‘I thought I was making my intentions pretty clear,’ Jane mutters with a pout.

Maura blushes again, ‘I’m not good at non-verbal communication Jane. I need your verbal confirmation.’ Maura moves her hand back to Jane’s hips.

Jane considers her for a moment. Maura’s not sure what she’s thinking. If she’s regretting starting this or if she wishes Maura hadn’t stopped them. Maura sort of wished she hadn’t but she couldn’t help but to replay what Jane had said earlier. She was just there. Just present. Just willing. Maura wanted more. So much more than that. ‘You’re the strangest person I’ve ever met,’ Jane says at last. Maura is almost offended but Jane is looking at her with all soft affection.

‘Its not strange to value consent,’ Maura murmured back, ‘not when you really love someone. Not when you want what’s best for them.’

Jane smirks. ‘I love you too Maura. And I want this. All of this. No rules. No limitations. All of it. All of us. All of you. How’s that for consent?’

Maura pouts, ‘its terribly vague.’

Jane chuckles, ‘how about we keep doing this and see where the night takes us and if you cross any lines I’ll stop you. Okay?’

Maura smiles warmly up at her, ‘I can work with that.’

Jane laughs, her head thrown back drawing an enticing line all the way down Jane’s throat. Maura’s eyes drank it in hungrily. ‘How about you Doctor Isles?’ Jane asked her tone husky, ‘Do I have your permission to continue my examination?’ Jane leans tantalisingly close. Maura nods her tongue heavy in her mouth. ‘I believe we were testing your heart rate.’ Then Jane’s lips have sealed themselves against her skin right over her pulse and Maura moans at the sudden arrhythmia. They’re right back to where they were but this time it’s so, so, so much better because Maura gets to use her hands to. She finds the burning skin on Jane’s back. She adds her own strength to Jane’s thrusts, encouraging Jane’s movements. She draws a few moans of her own, each one burning themselves in to her long term memory as a searing reminder of this exact moment.

* * *

A few hours later finds Maura naked, sated and pleasantly sore on top of an equally naked Jane. Jane grins at the ceiling as she traces random patterns on Maura’s bare back. She can’t help her grin. Turns out, all she needed to orgasm was Maura. It was surprising and entirely expected too. Of course it was Maura. It was always going to be Maura. Maura’s adoring eyes, her impish smile, those wildly dexterous fingers, and her anatomical expertise. Jane was putty in her hands. Maura didn’t even have to be all that patient. Jane had come quickly and repeatedly. Jane was just about ready to slip in to a pleasantly exhausted slumber when Maura sat right up.

‘Oh no!’ Maura exclaimed.

‘What?’ Jane asked, her voice sleep thick.

‘I messed up Jane,’ Maura replied. Her voice sounded panicky. She was standing, swooping up her clothes in the dark. ‘I made a mistake. I have to fix it.’

Jane’s heart plummeted as she sat up, ‘woah. Woah. Maura! Hang on. We can talk about this.’

‘No, Jane. I made a mistake,’ Maura tugged her shirt on backwards, cursed and then fumbled to turn it around.

Jane’s heart throbbed. She was so happy. So pleased with where their relationship was headed. It never occurred to her Maura might not feel the same. Jane stood and started grabbing for her own clothes. She couldn’t have this conversation naked. ‘Maura, it’s us. We can always talk.’

’I don’t need to talk. I just need to go.’ Maura grabbed her car keys.

A stab of panic hit Jane now. Maura wouldn’t really leave her half naked in a hotel room. ‘Maura just wait. Wait, okay.’

‘I can’t Jane!’ Maura shot back, grabbing Jane’s Maura hoodie.

‘What? Why not?’ Jane asked, shoving her sock on half way before switching to the other.

‘Because I don’t know what time the store closes. I have to go now.’ Maura replied, looking around for her purse.

Jane dropped her other sock, ‘what? What store? Maura what are you talking about?’

‘The hotel doesn’t serve breakfast. I was supposed to buy you that sugary cereal you like so much.’ Maura found her purse and grabbed it.

Jane tumbled from bed, with no underwear on, her sweats around her thighs, one sock halfway on and grabbed Maura. ‘That’s your mistake? You don’t have Captain crunch for me?’

Maura nods, the panic in her eyes slowly dimming, ‘you always wake up hungry. I was supposed to have some for you. I don’t want you to be hungry after tonight.’ Her lips pull together in a perfect pout.

Jane laughs. ‘Christ Maura! I thought you regretted what happened. I thought you were breaking up with me or something. You gave me a heart attack.’

Maura’s face softens, ‘oh Jane. I’m sorry. I suppose I did over-react a bit.’

‘A bit?’ Jane asks, tugging the keys and purse from Maura’s hands and putting them back on the dresser.

Maura giggles softly, ‘okay a lot.’ Maura touches Jane’s cheek with reverence, ‘I could never regret us, you know. Not a minute of it.’ Jane nods, her throat tight. She knows that. She just wasn’t thinking rationally. Jane tugs at the hem of Maura’s hoodie pulling it up and off her with her shirt to reveal her bare torso once more. ’I just didn’t want you to be hungry when you wake up,’ Maura says quietly. Jane pushes Maura’s shorts down her legs so that Maura is full naked once more. She guides Maura back to bed.

‘I appreciate that Maura,’ Jane pushes off her sweats and her sock. ‘But you really don’t need to go to some grocery store in the middle of the night for me to have captain crunch in the morning.’

Maura sniffles a yawn, ‘that’s not what you said when you were pregnant.’ Maura tugs the comforter closer to her ears, tucking herself in. Jane tugs off her shirt.

The memory of Maura showing up in her pyjamas with milk, captain crunch and peanut butter at 2 in the morning after a particularly strong craving came over her. It made Jane smile. Jane climbs gingerly in to bed next to Maura, wrapping herself up once more in Maura. ‘Well I was pregnant and had a craving and you took very good care of me.’ Jane presses a kiss just behind Maura’s ear. Her voice is soft. ‘But I’m not craving captain crunch.’

‘How can you know what you’ll be craving in the morning?’ Maura asks, her fingers lacing with Janes.

‘It’s a hunch,’ Jane murmurers. ‘I think I’d rather have Irish Cream.’

Maura rolls over to look at Jane. Jane does her best to keep a straight face. ‘You want alcohol for breakfast?’

Jane chuckles, ‘that’s Bailey’s Irish Cream. I want your Irish Cream.’

‘Oh,’ Maura says, she chuckles softly. ‘I got it,’ she seems delighted to get the joke.

‘Yeah, besides its probably healthier for me anyways. Its probably like vegan,’ Jane offers teasingly.

Maura shakes her head, wearing a smile the entire time, ‘I’m an animal Jane. That’s an animal by-product and definitely not vegan.’

Jane huffs a sigh. ‘Fine it’s keto then.’

Maura stifles a laugh behind her fingertips as she shakes her head, ‘too many carbohydrates.’

Jane stares at Maura flabbergasted, ‘come on Maura there has to be a health joke in there some where.’

‘Jane,’ Maura says.

‘It’s all natural?’ Jane asks.

‘Jane?’

‘No preservatives?’

‘Jane?’

‘What Maura? I’m trying to find a punchline here.’ Jane asks at last.

’It’s gluten free,’ Maura says with a wicked gleam in her eyes, ‘and I was going to say, why wait until morning? I could go for a late night snack.’ Maura rolled on top of Jane, pinning her to the bed, much to Jane’s surprise.

‘It won’t be Irish cream if you’re doing it,’ Jane says dumbly, too floored for a proper response.

‘That’s okay,’ Maura whispers the reply in to the skin on Jane’s neck, ‘I prefer Italian cream anyways.’

That was how Jane went from never having experienced an orgasm before to having four in one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talking about sex is sexy. Consent is super important and its always sexy to get it. Puns and inuendos are also sexy. 
> 
> But also I was going to be really mean and leave you guys with Maura freaking out about making a mistake. Letting you all be in the same confused and hurt space as Jane. And then I just couldn't. It's too sweet/happy a moment. So you're welcome for not being cruel.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maura's thirsty in the beginning so vaguely NSFW.

Maura woke wrapped up in a very naked, very soundly asleep, Jane. Her body was deliciously sore, her hair messy from bodily fluids and sleep, their bed smelling like sex. In other words, a perfect morning. Maura lay in the perfection of it all for as long as she dared. Jane would wake soon and while Maura was not opposed to continuing their previous evening’s activities, she was ravenous. Actually, ravenous. Good sex required calories. And hydration. Both of which she was seriously lacking. It was a problem she could remedy once she extracted herself from Jane and with help from modern technology she wouldn’t even have to get dressed to do it. That made Maura smile. After all, she had a few hours before she was supposed to meet up with Panda. There was plenty of time for breakfast and sex.

Maura showered quickly, keeping it simple since she had every intention of needing another shower before her meeting. She slipped in to her bathrobe and checked her order status on door dash. Omlettes, french toast, enough breakfast meat to keep even Jane from complaining, and coffee were all on their way. Maura had instructed the delivery person to leave it at the door and had tipped in app, generously. A knock let her know when it arrived. Maura wasted no time setting it up, trusting the smell of bacon to beckon Jane from her sleep.

As if on cue, a gravelly voice spoke behind her, ‘is that bacon? Thank God! I’m starving!’

Maura whirled to smile at Jane. She was gorgeous, just standing in the doorway, stretching. Every glorious and perfect muscle on display. Her hair stuck up on one side, strands of hair plastered to the other side of her face, caught in some combined mess of Maura’s fluids and Jane’s drool. It made Maura blush thinking about it. ‘It is,’ Maura replied, her heart racing from just looking.

Jane sauntered forward, her hips swaying, her breasts bouncing and Maura’s mouth goes dry. Jane smirks and reaches around Maura’s dumbfounded person to grab some bacon off the plate. ‘Mmmm,’ Jane said, her eyes closing in pleasure. Maura’s brain helpfully supplies her with all the other delicious sounds that sweet mouth can make. Her blush deepens. Jane’s eyes pop open and her grin is nothing short of devilish, ‘good morning Maura.’ Jane emphasises saying her name, sounding for all the world like her tongue iscurling around the R in her name just as skilfully as it had around her clitoris last night. Maura’s never orgasmed from someone saying her name before but she supposes there’s a first time for everything and then Jane is laughing and Maura doesn’t even bother to try suppressing the shudder that courses through her. Jane arches one perfect eyebrow, grin set perfectly on her chin. ‘Are we eating first?’ Maura is about to decline. Is about to say they can always eat it cold. Hell, they could even go out and buy a whole second meal if it meant sex with Jane _right now_. Unfortunately, her stomach chose that exact moment to rumble loudly. It, at least, was hungrier than it was aroused. The sound startled a laugh out of Jane. When she stopped, she pressed a kiss to Maura’s cheek, ‘I’ll cover up. Start without me, okay?’

Maura watches her leave. Just as her back side has almost disappeared from sight Maura calls, ‘don’t get _too_ covered up.’

Jane’s head pops back through the bathroom doorway, she smiles at Maura, ‘yes ma’am.’ She sends a mock salute to Maura and disappears again.

Maura sits down hard and breathless. Maura wasn’t the religious type but Lord Almighty did Maura need help controlling herself when it came to Jane’s naked form. Maura choked on her coffee when Jane returned, wet and in only a towel. They did not end up finishing breakfast after all. In fact, they took long enough with each other that Maura had to hurry to make it to lunch on time.

Panda was standing on a bench outside of the restaurant next to two very harassed looking women that Maura recognised as Nia Williams and Amanda Stephens. It was Amanda that put a hand on Panda’s shoulder to keep her from darting in to the street when she saw Maura walking up to them. It did nothing to keep her from bouncing on her feet and yelling out her name.

‘Doctor Isles!’ Panda called, waving frantically.

Maura grinned and waved back. She sped up but only because she wanted to make it easier on the very pregnant Mrs. Stephens, certainly not because she was excited to see Panda. When she made it to the same side of sidewalk, Maura watched as Panda broke free and ran for Maura. Nia was the one to run after Panda but she did not stop the girl. Maura dropped to a kid-sized crouch and opened her arms to catch the girl in a hug. ‘Panda cub!’ she called.

Panda slammed in to her. Maura was grateful she had opted for a smaller heel today. ‘Doctor Isles! You’re here!’ Her hands held tight on to Maura, almost painfully so.

‘Hello sweetie,’ Maura murmured, holding back. ‘It’s so good to see you.’

Ms. Williams smiled down at them, ‘thank you for coming Doctor Isles, I’m glad you had time for us today.’

Maura smiled back up at the woman, ‘of course Ms. Williams. It’s my pleasure.’

Amanda Stephens approached in a panting waddle. Her eyes twinkled when she spoke, ‘it’s nice to finally meet you in person Doctor Isles.’

Maura made to let go of Panda but the girl tightened her arms, refusing to release Maura. Maura smiled up at Mrs. Stephens, ‘it’s wonderful to meet you as well Mrs. Stephens, thank you for taking care of my friend Panda here and for making the drive all the way to Baltimore to meet with me.’ Maura decided it was probably best to just scoop the girl up and carry her inside. So she did.

‘Oh we’ve been having a grand time,’ Mrs. Stephens said, ‘I’ve learned so very much about Panda bears. And after lunch today we are going to stop by the zoo in DC to see them.’

‘I get to see real life Panda bears Doctor Isles,’ Panda said leaning back to meet Maura’s eyes now that the danger of being put down had passed.

‘Well,’ Maura said, her eyes twinkling, ‘aren’t you a lucky girl?’

Panda nodded enthusiastically, ‘Mommy says I get to go because I’ve been very good.’

Amanda beamed at that, ‘you’ve been wonderful dear.’

The last of Maura’s reservations crumbled. Panda really was in good hands with someone she felt safe enough to call ‘mommy.’ She smiled at Amanda. ‘I’m sure it will be very meaningful for both you.’

‘You could come too! Mommy said I could invite you,’ Panda said it proudly.

‘Why thank you,’ Maura said with a smile to both Panda and Amanda who was holding open the restaurant door. ‘But I’m afraid I can’t join you today. Panda’s face immediately shifted in to a pout. ‘Maybe I could join you next time?’

‘Do you remember what we talked about Panda?’ Amanda asked softly as Nia spoke with the hostess, ‘Doctor Isles is working very hard with her book and she may not have time to join us today.’

Panda let out the biggest sigh a six year old diaphragm could and said, ‘I remember. She has to do a lot of talking to a lot of people.’

Maura laughed because wasn’t that the truth, ‘yes. Yes I do.’

The hostess brought them to a relatively isolated booth in the back of the restaurant, setting down menus and taking their drink orders. Panda was convinced to leave Maura’s lap only after Maura offered to colour with the crayons the hostess left behind.

‘Panda, sweetie,’ Amanda asked peering over the table at the colouring sheet to read the kids menu, ‘would you prefer pizza or nuggets?’

Panda thought about it, ‘I want what Doctor Isles is having.’ Maura feels her cheek colouring because she had definitely been eyeing something green and healthy and absolutely not kid friendly.

‘Why don’t we ask Doctor Isles what she’s having first?’ Amanda asks patiently, ‘then you can decide if you’d like what she’s having too.’

‘Doctor Isles would you rather have pizza or chicken nuggets?’ Panda asks dutifully.

Amanda and Nia both hide their laughter behind their menus.

Maura smiles, ‘I think pizza sounds perfect, thank you Panda.’

Panda grins at Maura, ‘we’ll have pizza Mommy.’

Amanda made a face at Maura that clearly was meant to convey an apology. Maura just smiled and waved a hand in dismissal. A high carb meal wasn’t exactly a problem for her, considering her evening plans. Maura let Panda order the pizza and asked the waitress for a small salad as well.

‘Doctor Isles?’ Panda asked when the waitress left with their orders, ‘do you have any kids?’

‘Not yet,’ Maura replied steadily.

‘Are you pregnant like mommy?’ Panda asked again.

’No I’m not,’ Maura replied.

‘Are you going to get pregnant like mommy?’

Maura’s cheeks heated slightly, ‘it’s not likely.’

‘Oh,’ Panda said, ‘don’t you want kids?’

Maura felt as though she were teetering on a tight rope. They were pretty outside normal doctor-patient relations. ‘I don’t know. Perhaps one day.’

‘Do you have a husband?’ Panda asked.

Maura looked at Nia. She wasn’t sure how to answer. Nia smiled and gave a go on hand wave. ‘No but I have a girlfriend. Her name is Jane.’

Panda was quiet for a minute. ‘Is she nice like you?’

Maura smiled, ‘she’s very nice.’

‘That’s good.’ Panda nodded sagely as she coloured in a red stripe on her rainbow. ‘Are you going to marry her? Will she be your husband?’

‘I haven’t asked her yet but yes I would like to marry her,’ Maura smiled as she spoke, ‘and if she says yes then she’d be my wife.’

‘So you would both be wifes?’ Panda asked, switching to a green crayon.

‘That’s right. I would be her wife and she would be mine,’ Maura replied colouring in the blue stripe.

‘How long have you two been dating?’ Amanda asked kindly.

Maura smiled at the woman, ‘we’ve been friends for almost a decade-‘ a glance at Panda made Maura clarify, ‘that’s almost ten years but we only recently discovered our feelings for one another.’

Amanda grinned at her, ‘there’s nothing like being with your best friend forever.’

‘No, no there’s not,’ Maura replied.

‘Can Jane come to the zoo with us the next time we go to see the pandas?’ Panda asked.

Maura looked between the other adults at the table. Amanda nodded encouragingly. Nia nodded as well, a small smile playing on her face, ‘what you and the Stephens arrange after this meeting is totally up to you provided that neither one of you is left alone with Panda without proper background checks and finger printing.’

Amanda smiled at Panda who looked somewhat confused, ‘that means that we can always ask Jane and Maura to join us but they might not always be able to come.’ Panda nodded at that and finished with her yellow stripe. Their rainbow was definitely not in the correct order for the light spectrum. Maura tried to ignore that.

‘I am traveling until Thanksgiving but perhaps around Christmas time we could all go see the Christmas lights at the zoo. I’m sure Jane would love that,’ Maura said encouragingly to Panda.

Panda paused holding her orange crayon, ‘and do you think Jane will like me too?’

Maura put her hand softly on Panda’s arm and replied, ‘absolutely. Jane loves ALL Pandas.’

That made Panda giggle. The girl was quick to resume colouring.

The waitress brought their food and Panda made a big show of copying Doctor Isles exactly. Even eating her pizza with a fork and knife. When Maura saw that Panda was struggling and getting frustrated with the knife, Maura switched to eating with her hands. After all, it was easier to wash her hands than to rebuild a broken six year olds spirits. They let Panda take the lead, steering the conversation through an endless round of animal facts. Maura was pleasantly surprised to find Amanda knew a surprising amount about elephants. Nia took longer but Panda eventually got her to talk about Penguins.

‘What about you Doctor Isles?’ Panda asked, her lips ringed in tomato sauce, her eyes glittering brightly, ‘what’s your favourite animal?’

Maura took a napkin and wiped softly at her lips, watching Panda hurry to do the same. It was cute how much Panda wanted to mimic her. ‘I love a lot of animals. I rode horses when I was younger. I owned a pet tortoise named Bass too. He lives at the Boston zoo now with his mate Susie.’

Panda pouted. ‘So you don’t like pandas?’

Maura smiled warmly at the little girl, ‘I love pandas. I don’t think I have a favourite animal. They’re all too amazing.’

‘Me neither,’ Panda said with a grin.

When their plates had been cleared, Nia pulled out her notebook. ‘Panda, the reason I brought us all here today was to talk.’

Panda looked at Nia’s notebook and frowned. ‘You want me to tell you more about my old family.’

Nia sighed and put her notebook away, ‘yes. Anything you can tell us that might help us find them.’ Panda looked at the wall. Maura was certain she was ready to cry.

‘It’s okay baby,’ Amanda murmured, ‘it’s okay. We’re here. We’re all here.’

‘What if I don’t remember anything?’ Panda asked, still looking at the wall. ‘What if I can’t help you?’

‘Then you’ll still be our special Panda cub,’ Maura said gently.

‘I tried Doctor Isles,’ Panda said, turning and throwing herself in to Maura’s arms. ‘I really tried to remember. I tried to remember names or places. Anything. But mostly I was left at home when they went out. _He_ never wanted me to go with them.’

Maura held the little girl, rubbing soft circles on her back. Together, the three of them managed to piece together enough information to confirm what Nia already knew. That Isabella Russo had been neglected, attention starved, and left behind. She had, had no formal schooling and most of what she knew she had learned through observation or television. That hurt Maura’s heart. Panda was so incredibly intelligent, her mind hungry to learn, she was just waiting for someone to come along and teach her. Mia Russo had not held a job outside of the home for as long as Panda could recall. It wasn’t altogether new information. It certainly didn’t lead Nia to the boys or their mother. It wasn’t even enough to find Vincent Russo. Still, Maura was proud because Panda was helping. She was scared but she was still helping.

Maura said goodbye, holding Panda tightly and making her promise to send lots of photos from the zoo. To Maura’s surprise, even Amanda hugged her goodbye. There was a kinship there, a mutual alliance forged in protecting this little girl. Maura walked the five blocks back to the hotel feeling torn. She was sad that Panda had been hurt so much for so long, she was sad that she couldn’t do more for Panda, and she was so grateful for people like Nia and Amanda who were doing the handwork. She was grateful Panda had a good foster home. It was too early to say if the Stephens would be her forever home but it was a good place to start.

She slipped quietly in to the hotel lobby and up the stairs to her room. She found Jane asleep on their bed. Maura smiled, disrobing as quietly as possible. A nap with Jane sounded like just the thing to settle her emotions. Maura slipped in behind Jane, wrapping her arms around Jane’s lean frame. Maura smiled when Jane let out a deep breath, nestling in to Maura’s front. Maybe, just maybe, they were all where they belonged right now.

* * *

Paddy lay in his bunk, the mid afternoon sun streaming in through the cell doors, lost in one of his favourite daydreams. Maura was three, wearing a bright pink tutu. She would do a little spin, making her skirts flutter around her like the wings of a butterfly and in between each spin she’d giggle in delight. She'd look up at him with big hazel eyes and a big toothy grin and say, ‘look at me Dada! Look at me!’ And Paddy would. He’d watch her twirl in circles for as long as she wanted, his eyes drinking her in. At his side, Hope held his hand, smiling at the pair of them. Her stomach was round with another baby on the way. They were a family. Happy. Normal. Safe.

Paddy did not have many regrets in life. He was a hard man who had lead a hard life. He had lied, cheated, and killed to stay alive. If he had any regrets all of them were connected to his family. His Hope, his Maura, his Colin. All of them were for the life he never had, the home he could never give. Paddy had known, since the day Hope had told him she was pregnant, that there would be a forever ache in his heart but Paddy could never see how to outrun it. Destiny, he mused, would never have allowed it. He was a mobsters son. His course in life was written in blood. Maybe it was written in Colin’s too. Maybe they were both running from fate. But Maura? She was Hope’s through and through and Paddy had done his best to stay out of her way and out of her life. Out of all of their lives. Not that he was perfect. Heavens no. He was only human and love was a powerful mistress. He never could quite leave Hope behind even if his stomach ached every time he saw her, knowing he’d lied, hidden Maura away. He’d done everything in his power to make sure her dreams came true. He helped her finish her degree, helped her to start her clinic, helped her to expand it when it went well. Colin had found him and try as Paddy might, he was too much like his father for his own good. And Maura… Maura was his pride and joy. He’d watched her grow from afar, delighted in who she was and loathing who he couldn’t be for her. She was the centre of his world and he did everything he could to keep her safe.

Now he was old. Older than a mobster had any right to be and he was dying in a way no respectable mobster wanted. He could cope with both of those things except his family was in danger. He still had loyal friends in Boston. Friends who couldn’t ferret out who was asking questions about Maura or why. Only that they were. It was concerning. After all, most of what any civilised folk wanted to know was readily found on the internet. No, the people asking about his baby girl had more nefarious purposes. Worse, they were smart enough to keep quiet about it. That _really_ concerned him. Paddy had heard all sorts of threats through the grapevine. Angry parolee’s cursing Maura for putting them away, ex boyfriends with a grudge to bear, even a few frustrated high society types who had been out smarted, out bid or out witted by his baby girl. The drunken angry mutterers rarely worried him. Most forgot about it once they sobered up, the rest forgot when Paddy reminded them whose daughter she was. It was the ones who didn’t mutter that he paid attention to. They were the ones looking to cause real trouble.

Paddy rolled in his bunk, real trouble was brewing. That much was clear. Paddy’s problem was, at least at the moment, he was too far away to do a damn thing about it. That wouldn’t do. Not at all. Paddy might be a bastard, a cold hearted murderous man but this was his family and he would protect them with every resource he had available, down to his last cent, his last breath. He’d call in every favour, burn down every bridge, cross every line if it meant keeping Hope and Maura safe. Paddy sighed. He could think of no other way. It was time to ask Agent Dean for a favour. It was time to go home, to Boston, where he belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made some choices here. Definitely decided to have Panda call Amanda mommy for a multitude of reasons but mostly because a lot of kids in that age range will publically call their foster parents by mom and dad as an act of normalcy. Or so the internet says, and the internet never lies. Obviously there are always exceptions to the rule. 
> 
> I also realise I'm taking the Panda/Maura/social work/foster care thing outside of it's normal lanes. I don't really have an excuse for that other than the more people a foster kid has advocating and caring for them the better. So.... yeah. 
> 
> Finally! I cannot believe I've written y'all 40 chapters of this thing. That's crazy! Thanks for joining me on this wild and unexpected ride. I really thought, when I started that this would be a cute fic about Maura moving to Virginia and they get dogs. Whoops! Thank you all for reading and making me feel like a rad writer type!


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Vinnie rumination, internalised homophobia.

Vinnie panted as he chopped wood. Every swing of his axe venting some of the frustration he felt. It had been a hard week. It had been too tempting to watch Maura Isles from afar. Too tempting to spoil her fun. He had stayed away while _they_ were together for fear of his brashness spoiling his plans. He had spent the better part of the week preparing the cabin, stocking it with canned goods,he’d gone fishing, and walked the perimeter of the land memorising every bit of it he could. When he struggled to stay away, he chopped firewood. Swing after swing splitting round after round until he was sweat soaked and too exhausted to make the drive in to town. He knew where she was. He’d find her when it was time. He didn’t have to wait too much longer. After all, what was six weeks of patience to a life time of Maura Isle’s pain? That made Vinnie grin. He would wait, after all, there were plenty of rounds to chop.

* * *

Noemi watched the clinic waiting room fill and empty in turn. The nurse they had come to talk to had promised to answer a few more questions and to look at Aarna’s hand during her lunch break. A lunch break that was happening well after 2 pm, apparently. Aarna had slipped in to a comfortable doze on Noemi’s shoulder about thirty minutes ago. Noemi had to resist resting her own head on Aarna's. It took every ounce of willpower to not turn and bury her face into Aarna’s sweet jasmine smelling hair. Noemi’s mind was always racing when she was with Aarna, always trying to calculate what ‘normal friends’ do and what they don’t do. Noemi was fairly sure ‘normal friends’ didn’t sniff each others hair. At least, not on purpose and not for extended periods of time. Not to the point of having that smell memorised. Noemi swallowed a sigh.

In the beginning, it had worried Noemi. She paid more attention to Aarna then any one else in the world. Noemi had studied Aarna like her life depended on it. She had felt torn. Compelled and guilty for the way she felt. Noemi didn’t know what it was but she knew it wasn’t like anything else she’d felt. Forbidden. That’s what Aarna felt like. Every smile had beckoned Noemi closer, begged her to indulge, promising things Noemi couldn’t put a name to. Aarna’s eyes always seemed to spark, capable of saving lives and destroying whole swaths of land. Noemi still wasn’t sure she wasn’t going to be left decimated by this tryst.

That it was a tryst, Noemi took for granted. Every time Noemi thought about it being more… meaning more… she pictured her Lola’s face. Twisted in fury, disappointment and disgust. Her Lola who had changed her diapers, fed her, clothed her, raised her, put her through school. Her Lola who she loved more than anything. Her Lola who was deeply religious and extremely conservative. How many prayers had Noemi been forced to utter in Mass for the sin-filled homosexual? Those sick minded despots who dared to love someone of the same gender? How many times had she heard her Lola whisper a fervent amen, the sound of it reverberating through her ears and straight through her heart? Noemi could do just about anything she set her mind to. She’d survived her parents death, she’d learned English as a second language, she’d been valedictorian at every graduation, and she’d been one of five female FBI recruits. Noemi could overcome almost any hurdle but this one. She couldn’t change who she was. She couldn’t help her attraction. She couldn’t stop her heart from loving Aarna. But the one thing Noemi would never do, she could never do, was hurt her Lola.

Aarna knew that. Aarna accepted it. That was the only reason they had whatever this was. They both knew it had an expiration date. They had Quantico and that was it. Even if Aarna had made Noemi felt more known, more loved, than anyone else ever had. Even if it meant leaving both their hearts in pieces. Even if she loved Aarna with everything she had. Even if it meant leaving soul shattering sex. Noemi took a quick glance around the waiting room. Only a few people remained. Tentatively, softly, she leaned her head against Aarna’s. After all, if they only had a few weeks, she might as well enjoy it.

Noemi was just beginning to feel that tired buzzy feeling when the nurse called them, ‘Agents? I can see you now.’

Noemi blinked, staring up at the nurse in purple scrubs, her mind struggling to catch up. Aarna on the other hand, popped up from her seat with a chipper smile as though she hadn’t left drool marks on Noemi’s shoulder mere seconds ago. ‘Thanks so much Nurse.’ She smiled that charming smile, and as predicted, the nurse made some sort of placating gesture. Aarna was an enchantress. It was the only reason Noemi could figure for why everyone, herself included, tripped over themselves to make her happy.

‘Not a problem,’ the nurse said with a smile, ‘I apologise for taking so long.’ She shook her head ruefully and gestured the women to follow her.

’No worries,’ Aarna said with a smile, ‘we aren’t in a hurry and you’re doing important work here so thank you.’ Aarna beamed and Noemi bit back that tinge of jealousy. Aarna was nice to everyone, she thought angrily to herself, but she only makes you dosas. That cheered Noemi up enough to nod and smile at the nurse. Aarna, seeing it gave Noemi a puzzled look. She’d tell her later. Maybe.

‘Pop up here,’ the nurse said gesturing for Aarna to sit at the exam table, ‘let me see your hand.’

The shift was automatic. Noemi couldn’t help it. She went from brooding professional partner to concerned and doting lover. She really was the worst secret keeper. ‘She burnt it last night. She was making dinner and….’ Noemi trailed off a blush on her cheeks.

‘I stupidly forgot which burner was on. I put my hand on it as I went to reach for something,’ Aarna covered smoothly. It wasn’t the truth but Noemi supposed the nurse didn’t need to know that Noemi had her hand in her lovers pants when it happened. The nurse simply nodded and finished putting her gloves on.  
  
The nurse gently unwrapped the gauze and took a look at the blistering skin. She nodded and twisted Aarna’s hand to examine the hand at another angle. Aarna smiled over her hunching form at Noemi. It was calm, reassuring, promising she would be okay. The nurse asked, ‘did you wrap this?’

Noemi nodded. ‘I’ve taken a number of first aid courses.’

‘You did well. I’ll give you some burn cream to keep the infection out but otherwise, just change her bandages daily until the skin heals.’ She tugged her gloves off and threw them away as she shuffled through the drawers in the room. ‘So agents, you said you had a few more questions for me.’

‘Right,’ Aarna said, for once looking uncomfortable as she held her exposed hand still on her thigh. It almost made Noemi giggle. ‘We have reason to believe someone may be threatening Doctor Isles. Nothing concrete but cause for concern. We were wondering if there have been any calls to the clinic. Anything threatening or odd. Anything that stands out?’

The nurse swung back around with a small cream packet, she pulled a fresh pair of gloves on. ‘This might sting a bit,’ she warned before she began applying the cream. Aarna hissed in pain, her dark skin paling slightly. ‘She hasn’t had any calls here recently but she’s been out of the clinic for almost six weeks on her book tour.’

‘What about any other calls or threats?’ Noemi asked.

The nurse applied another generous heap of cream to Aarna’s hand. ‘Nope nothing. Other than from a social worker for a case she worked the night before she left.’

Aarna perked up at that, ‘a social worker. For a case. Something possibly violent?’

The nurse began wrapping the hand in fresh gauze. ‘Child abuse. I’m afraid I can’t give you any further details. HIPPA and all that.’

‘What about the name of the social worker who called?’ Noemi asked. ‘Or is her identity protected too?’

The nurse snapped off her gloves considering. ‘Technically, no. She wasn’t our patient. She’s just another resource the clinic has access to.’

Aarna grinned, ‘so this could just be one professional colleague providing a recommendation to another?’

The nurse sighed. ‘It’s a grey area.’

Noemi glanced at the name badge on the nurses scrubs. ‘Alyson, it might be the only way to help Doctor Isles.’ She was laying it on thick. Technically, they didn’t know that Doctor Isles was even in trouble but Agent Rizzoli thought she was and that was good enough for Noemi. Even if she would never admit that.

Alyson’s face shifted. They had her. Her personal concern was outweighing her moral concerns. ‘Nia Williams. Now if that’s all, I’d really like to eat my lunch.’ They stood to leave, Aarna thanking Alyson profusely. Alyson merely shoved gauze and more cream at Noemi, who accepted it gratefully. Alyson walked them back to the clinic door she paused them once more. ‘Doctor Isles is a good one. A really good one. The clinic would… the community would…’ Alyson swallowed hard and then took a breath, ‘what I mean is, she’s a good friend. So don’t let them get her, okay?’

Aarna and Noemi nodded. Noemi felt a bit dumbfounded. Most of the time, being a recruit for the FBI felt like a game but this was the real deal. They were working a real investigation, with a real life on the line. They were responsible for this knowledge. That thought settled heavy on her shoulders as they exited the clinic. She thought, maybe, Aarna felt it too. She stood a little more sober, a little straighter. A little more like an FBI agent. It was a good look on Aarna. Noemi just hoped she wore it half as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not to pull an Emily Andras here, but trust me. ;)


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is vaguely NSFW.

Frankie dropped a few bills in the tip jar at the Boston Joes and moved past the growing line of people waiting for coffee. This was _not_ how he wanted to spend his first Sunday morning off in forever. Not when Nina was also home, very asleep, and very naked. Rondo was a horrible partner change for the morning. Only the knowledge that Jane would kick his ass had made him keep his promise to meet Rondo on the other side of Boston at 7 in the morning. Frankie set the black coffee down in front of the old man.

‘Thanks Baby Vanilla,’ Rondo said, grabbing the cup and cradling to himself. Frankie made a mental note to find Rondo a thermal blanket. It was too warm for the shelters to be open at night and too cold for someone as old as Rondo to be sleeping on the street. As a patrol man, it had broken Frankie’s heart. He’d done everything he could to see the homeless taken in by shelters. After years of being on the force, Frankie knew he couldn’t fix every one’s problems. Especially not someone like Rondo who saw other street dwellers as his flock, his people. Rondo wouldn’t leave his life on the streets until there wasn’t a homeless soul left. Rondo sipped his coffee, a slow smile spreading across his face. Frankie softened a bit at that.

‘Did you find your CI?’ Frankie asked taking his own sip of his, much sweeter, coffee. Frankie had spent the better part of a week tracking Rondo down after his conversation with Jane. Then Rondo had spent the better part of the next week tracking down his informant.

‘Mmmm hmmmm,’ Rondo said as he took another long sip.

‘Great,’ Frankie said, ‘what are we waiting for, let’s go.’

‘No can do Baby Vanilla,’ Rondo said.

Frankie stared at Rondo, willing him to be joking. ‘What?’

Rondo clucked his tongue, ‘my CI isn’t going to talk to some five-oh-bro.’

‘Are you serious?’ Frankie asked. ‘Rondo I gotta talk to this guy. He could know something. Something that could help me figure out why people are asking about Doctor Isles. Something that could get Janie off my back. So I gotta talk to him.’

Rondo looked at him, something like sympathy playing out across his face, ‘I know what you need, that’s why Rondo’s here Baby Vanilla. But you’re going to have to do it my way.’

Frankie sighed, ‘what’s you way? You want me to pose as your homeless friend?’

Rondo laughed. Hard. ‘No way Baby Vanilla. That baby soft skin of yours and those big brown eyes would give you away.’

Frankie shifted uncomfortably in his seat, ‘alright. So?’

Rondo’s eyes twinkled, a mischievous smile played on his lips, ‘I’m going in undercover, wired.’

Frankie stared at Rondo for a moment, scrutinising the idea in his head. It _could_ work Frankie thought… if he also wore an ear piece. Every one got what they wanted then. The CI stayed a CI, Frankie got his answers and Rondo… well Rondo got to play policeman. ‘Alright,’ Frankie said, ‘but you’re also wearing an earpiece. You’re asking the questions I ask.’ Frankie tried to keep his voice firm.

‘I’ll ask what you want Baby Vanilla,’ Rondo said with a placating grin, ‘but I’m not gonna ask them the way you ask ‘em. I don’t want to sound like some babyfaced white boy.’

It was good enough for Frankie. Frankie made a call, then took Rondo to breakfast.

Nina smiled as she walked in. Frankie tried not to smile when she walked in. They were in business mode. Detective/partner mode. _Not_ fiancé mode. Frankie almost had it. And then she sat down across from him and he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t. His fiancé was gorgeous. Nina pulled the hot mic from her purse. She slid them across the table to Frankie before snagging his last piece of bacon. ‘Here you go boys.’

’Thank you Ms. James,’ Rondo said with his hand on his heart. ‘It is lovely to see you, you are looking fine as ever.’

Frankie grinned harder, ‘he’s right, you are.’

Nina giggled and flapped a hand at them, ‘you two!’ She smiled softly at Frankie, her eyes conveying every bit of warmth in the world. ‘So what kind of trouble are you two up to?’

Rondo grinned, ‘I’m going undercover. My CI won’t talk to a cop. Even one as good looking as Baby Vanilla.’

Frankie sighed, taking the ribbing in stride, ‘it was a good idea. Plus I can send the interview to Jane directly instead of having her call me a thousand times a day asking questions about it.’

Nina nodded, ‘sounds good. My computer is all hooked up, just tell us where we’re going Rondo.’ She snagged Frankie’s toast and slid out of the booth so Rondo could follow. Frankie paid the tab and left after them.

Nina parked at a nearby park and Frankie helped Rondo get all wired up. It helped that most of Rondo’s clothes were slightly too big. It helped even more that Rondo wore layers upon layers. No one would be able to make the mic under all that clothes. What Frankie hated was being able to see the old man’s shrunken ribs. He probably needed to feed the old man more, making sure he had a hot meal every time they met. Frankie could do that.

‘Alright Rondo, put this in your ear. Go stand over there and we’ll test it out.’ Frankie pointed to some park restrooms.

Rondo nodded, bounding almost gleefully from the car, ‘you got it baby vanilla.’ Frankie took the passenger seat and watched the old man go, shaking his head. Frankie knew he had been the same way during his first undercover assignment.

‘Rondo? Do you read me?’ Frankie asked in to his own mic.

‘Loud and clear baby vanilla,’ Rondo said. ‘Wanna croon me a song there Etta?’

Nina laughed, ‘in your dreams old man.’ Frankie fought from blushing. Nina loved to sing. In the shower, in the car, making dinner. He loved her voice.

‘Rondo, remember what we said. These mics have a pretty short radius so if you have to go too far, we will have to follow.’ Frankie said.

‘I got it Baby Vanilla.’ Rondo replied. He strode casually up to another homeless man greeting him. ‘Herb! How are you my brother?’ Frankie watched the two men hug and listened as they discussed the weather and the shelters.

On and on Rondo went. Greeting almost every one at the park like he knew them all personally. Actually, Frankie thought, that was a distinct possibility. Rondo knew people. It was part of what made him a great CI. Rondo disappeared around a group of trees.

‘We’ve lost sight of you Rondo, just so you know,’ Nina said. They got a grunt of acknowledgement in return.

Rondo greeted two more people. Frankie rolled his eyes. Listening to Rondo was worse than when his mother said she was ‘just’ going to say a ‘quick’ goodbye at a party. They could be here all day. ‘Heads up Vanilla, I’m approaching my target,’ Rondo whispered softly.

Nina looked at Frankie, who sat up straighter, ‘got it, we need to know everything we can.’

‘Snickers!’ Rondo called, ‘whatchu doing girl?’ He seemed genuinely pleased to see her.

‘Old man,’ the voice called back, ‘you staying warm?’ Frankie looked at Nina seeing the same concern on her face. Rondo’s CI was a kid.

‘Doing alright, how ‘bout you?’ Rondo asked, ‘you eaten lately? Where’s Kit-Kat?’

The girl sounded closer, ‘we’re okay. Kit’s been clearing folks leaves, it’s not a lot but it’s enough to eat.’

‘I wish you girls would go to the shelter,’ Rondo said, ‘you’d be warm and fed there.’

‘Don’t start this again old man,’ Snickers said, her voice sounding like this was an aged argument. ‘You know the shelter isn’t safe for kids like us.’

Nina raised an eyebrow at Frankie and mouthed ‘LGBTQ?’ Frankie shrugged. It fit. A runaway who felt unsafe at a shelter?

‘Snickers,’ Rondo said full of grandfatherly affection, ‘I could help.’

‘You already do, old man,’ Snickers said, ‘you already do. So what are you doing here? Isn’t Sunday usually your church morning?’

Rondo sighed, ‘I need to ask again about the man asking questions about Doctor Isles.’

Snickers sighed, ‘I already told you all I know.’

‘I know,’ Rondo said sounding amicably guilty, ‘but Doctor Isles is a friend. I just want to help her too.’

‘You have too many friends old man,’ Snickers said, their voice sounding soft and affectionate.

Rondo chuckled, ‘perhaps kid. Perhaps.’

Snickers sighed, ‘what do ya wanna know?’ 

‘Have her start over again,’ Frankie prompted Rondo through the microphone.

‘I know you’ve already told me but tell me again, what happened?’ Rondo asked.

‘Kit and I were going through the trash for recyclables. We saw some guy shaking down one of us. He had a photo. Wasn’t sure who it was at first but he kept asking about a Doctor Isles. Name didn’t mean nothing to most of us. Then he spoke to Pigeons.’

‘Pigeons?’ Frankie asked.

‘You mean Ruthie?’ Rondo asks, obediently, ‘the one who always feeds the park pigeons?’

‘Duh, you feeling okay old man?’ Snickers asked.

‘Right as rain kid,’ Rondo said cheerily, ‘just clarifying.

‘Sure,’ Snickers said, ‘so any ways Pigeons said that’s Doctor Isles. The guy asked her a bunch of questions. Who she was, what she did, stuff like that. Pigeons told her about how Doctor Isles helped her after her husband died. She made sure Pigeons got to say goodbye. Even helped her with a nasty cut. The guy kept asking more questions. Pigeons asked him why he was so curious about Paddy Doyle’s daughter, said it wasn’t smart to be asking questions like that. The guy got real nervous then. Started fidgeting. Asking what she meant by that. So Pigeons told him.’

‘What did pigeons tell him?’ Frankie prompted.

’She told him about Doyle’s gang?’ Rondo asked.

‘Mmmhmmm, she told him all about Ray Murphy being found with an ice pick in his chest through a picture of Paddy’s kid. Said he wouldn’t find information like that in the newspapers, too horrid, but we all got the message. Doctor Isles is off limits.’ Snickers said. She sounded a bit awed.

‘What happened next?’ Frankie asked.

’Then what?’ Rondo asked.

‘Nothing much,’ Snickers replied, ‘he got all pale, said to forget he asked and walked away.’

‘Walk away to where?’ Frankie and Rondo asked at the same point.

‘The street. I watched him. He got in a dark car and drove away.’

‘Did she see any of the plates?’ Frankie asked.

‘Did you catch a license plate Snickers? Or anything unusual about the car?’ Rondo asked.

‘They weren’t from Boston.’ Snickers said.

‘How do you know that?’ Rondo asked, not needing to be prompted.

‘The license plate. Also they had a red turkey on their window. I don’t do sports but even I know everyone in Boston roots for the sox.’

‘Can she describe the man?’ Frankie asked.

‘Thank you Snickers,’ Rondo said, ‘you’re being real helpful. Think you could tell me what this man looked like?’

There was silence for a minute. ’Nah. Just another old white dick to me.’ Frankie was so busy cursing he almost missed the next words she muttered, ‘but Kit might be able to sketch him. She’s better at that sort of thing.’

‘Really?’ Rondo asked, ‘I didn’t know Kit liked to draw.’

‘Mmm hmm, she’s real good too,’ Snickers said her voice taking on that same dreamy quality Frankie heard in his own voice every time he bragged about Nina. ‘She’ll be back this evening if you want to come calling. I know Kit would like to see you.’

Frankie sighed. He was going to spend his day off in the park waiting on a teenage runaway. Nina grabbed his hand a show of silent solidarity. He supposed there were worse things to do than spend his day with his fiancé in the park. ‘Tell her you’ll be back. Ask what they want for dinner too.’

‘You’ve been really helpful Snickers. So how about I bring y’all dinner and I’ll be back around sunset for the sketch.’ Rondo offered, ‘what do you want?’

‘Anything?’ Snickers asked.

‘Nothing alcoholic,’ Rondo said, ‘but anything else.’

‘We don’t drink. Losing your senses on the street isn’t safe,’ Snickers replied with a tone that said that was obvious. ‘We both love Boston Burgers.’

Frankie could hear the smile in Rondo’s voice, ‘me too. How do you like them?’

Frankie jotted down the girls order as she spoke. ‘Got it,’ Frankie said, ’thanks Rondo. Come back to the car when you get a chance and we will unhook you.’ Frankie muted their mics and turned to Nina, ‘what do you think?’

The corner of Nina’s mouth were pulled down, her eyebrows knitted together, her lips pursed, ‘I think…’ Nina began pausing to finish her thoughts, ‘that dinner is a good start but we need to find a way to help those girls.’

Frankie blinked twice. He’d been thinking about the case. What could they do to help two run aways besides reporting them? Then they’d be separated, they’d be sent home or to foster care. Was that really best? Frankie wasn’t sure. ‘Okay,’ Frankie said, ‘we’ll figure it out together.’ He squeezed Nina’s hand. She smiled back at him, her eyes twinkling.

* * *

Jane lay panting next to Maura, trying to catch her breath and slow her thumping heart. Jane thought it was safe to say she had never had so much sex in her life. It wasn’t that she had been touch starved in her past relationships. It wasn’t even that they hadn’t been _active._ They had but it had usually been over pretty quickly after the guy finished and it usually took a while to get it back up. Jane had never been particularly bothered by that before. It had always felt efficient. She liked it, they liked it, and then it was over. She should have known that sex with Maura would be completely different.

Sex with Maura was like an addiction. She craved it, longed for it, bathed in it. Maura would probably tell her the neurochemicals associated with addiction and love were similar yada yada yada. To begin with, it never truly felt over. She could coax climax after climax from Maura in a string of beautiful symphony of sound, touch and taste, what’s more, she _wanted_ to. Even when they weren’t actively touching, Jane was keenly aware that they _could_ be, that sense of coiled tension never quite left her. One smile, the brush of their fingers, one simple little thing and Jane felt an overwhelming primal urge. Jane had never felt that way before. She’d never felt so much like a horny teenager in her life, even when she had actually been a horny teenager.

‘A Franklin for your thoughts?’ Maura laid on the pillow beside Jane, her body curling in to Jane’s space.. Jane turned to look at her. Her cheeks were rosy, her hair mussed, and her eyes were a dazzling green in the afternoon light. They were studying Jane, roaming the familiar lines of her face. Jane gulped, there was that tension again.

‘A hundred dollars? For one thought?’ Jane replied, ‘you’re seriously overpaying.’

Maura grinned, ‘I’d pay significantly more for any thought of yours Jane.’

Jane’s heart melted a bit, so of course her reply was sarcastic, ‘you’re a horrible business woman. You’re supposed to be negotiating me down, not outbidding yourself.’

Maura laughed, ‘what can I say, recent events have lead me to understand how much I value you.’

Jane chuckled, ‘you’re going to make me a very rich woman.’

Maura’s eyes glinted at that, ‘I very much intend to.’

It was as closed as either one of them had gotten to talking about marriage. Jane gulped again for a very different reason. One that she wasn’t quite ready to process yet. ‘Um… I was just thinking…’ then Jane remembered what she was thinking and she choked on her thought, startling a cough that threatened to suffocate her and forced her to sit up. Maura pounded helpfully on her back until Jane could breath normally.

‘So it was about sex then?’ Maura asked, a smirk on her lips and a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. ‘You know we are having sex now, it’s okay to talk about it.’

Jane who had been gulping down water, choked again at Maura’s words. When she had managed to swallow, she gasped, ‘you can’t do that to me!’

Maura chuckled, ‘I can’t talk to you about sex?’

‘Not when I’m drinking!’ Jane half shouted.

That made Maura giggle outright, ‘I apologise for making you choke on your water.’

‘You should be!’ Jane said.

‘So are you going to tell me what you were thinking?’ Maura asked, winding her arms around Jane’s waist and pressing her very naked chest in to Jane’s arm.

‘No,’ Jane growled.

Maura grinned, ‘alright. Is there something else you want to talk about? Something you want to do before you drive back?’

Jane thought about it. ‘There actually is but maybe we could shower first?’

Maura released her arms, ‘sure, I’ll let you go first.’

Jane stood and walked to the door before turning around to look at Maura. She bit her lip, hesitant to say what she wanted, ‘I wouldn’t mind sharing a shower with you.’

Maura grinned, ‘is that so?’

‘Yep,’ Jane nodded, ‘I think I’d quite like it, actually.’

‘Jane,’ Maura prompted softly, ‘are you asking me to shower with you?’ Maura smiled, her tone teasing, ‘how very scandalous of you.’

Jane blushed a deep red, ‘I’m going now.’

Maura’s laugh followed her out of the room. Jane turned on the water, letting it warm up. Jane had just stepped under the hot water when she felt Maura slip in behind her, her arms snaking around Jane as she pressed a gentle kiss to Jane’s neck. Jane supposed it might have been an apology kiss but before Jane had time to consider it, Maura’s hands began to move in some very distracting ways.

A not insignificant time later found Jane and Maura strolling through Federal Hill Park admiring the harbour and Baltimore skyline. Maura had linked their arms, claiming to be cold. Jane didn’t mind. Jane liked having Maura close. ‘I don’t want to leave,’ Jane murmured as the sun began to sink. The air was growing colder and their time was dwindling.

‘I don’t want you to go,’ Maura murmured back.

Jane nodded, her throat tight. ‘A little while longer can’t hurt,’ Jane whispered, wrapping Maura up in a hug and burying her face in Maura’s hair.

As Jane drove away, Maura in the rearview, Jane tried to silence her gut that was screaming that something bad was coming. She was just a paranoid ex cop. That was all. It had to be all. Jane couldn't lose Maura, she just couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting. This chapter was finnicky.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to provide clarity on the timeline. Chapters 38-44 are all happening on the same weekend more or less congruently. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobia, meeting homophobic family

Aarna tapped her fingers on the table as she sat on hold. She watched Noemi as she prepared lunch, Berry and Boston dancing at her feet hoping she would drop some scraps for them. Aarna knew Noemi was more comfortable with animals than people but watching Noemi with the dogs was like watching sheer unfiltered joy. Aarna had hardly done a thing for the dogs this weekend. Noemi had excitedly volunteered for everything. Aarna enjoyed the dogs but she loved watching Noemi in unfiltered bliss.

Noemi was setting left over curry and rice in front of her when the hold music cut out, ‘hello this is Nia Williams.’

Noemi and Aarna exchanged a look. Aarna took the lead, she was more comfortable spinning half truths, ‘Hello Ms. Williams, my name is Aarna Dhar and I’m with the FBI. I had a few questions about a case you worked with a Doctor Isles.’

‘Agent Dhar,’ she began, sounding frustrated, ‘I would be more than happy to comply if you bring me a warrant. Really. More than happy.’

‘But you won’t answer any questions now?’ Aarna asked, sensing a weakness in the woman’s words.

‘I want to, believe me, I do.’ Williams answered, ‘so much so that I will even let you ask them but department policy is extraordinarily clear.’

‘So can you confirm that you have worked a case with Doctor Isles?’ Aarna asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Can you confirm the date of a particular case?’ Aarna knew it was unlikely but she could ask.

‘With a warrant,’ Williams said with a sigh.

‘What if I told you I had a source who already confirmed that you worked a case with her in the week of labor day? Could you confirm that?’ Aarna asked.

‘No,’ Williams paused, ‘but I will say I haven’t worked much with Doctor Isles.’

Aarna nodded, that narrowed things considerably. At least, it did if Williams was saying what Aarna thought she was. ‘What if my source also suggested that it was child abuse related?’

‘I would not be able to confirm or deny it,’ Williams answered, ‘though I could provide my official job title. I am a case worker for the Department of Family Services in Prince Williams County.’

‘Thank you Mrs. Williams,’ Aarna replied, ‘the reason I am calling is because we have heard some concerning chatter regarding Doctor Isles.’

‘I am very sorry to hear that,’ Williams said, ‘I’m certain I could be of assistance if you provided a warrant.’

Noemi frowned at her. Aarna agreed. There was a message there. ‘Could I ask you a hypothetical question Ms. Williams?’

‘Certainly Agent Dhar.’

‘Hypothetically, if we served you a warrant would you have an idea as to who might be making threats towards Doctor Isles?’ Aarna asked. She held her breath as she waited to hear the answer.

‘ _Hypothetically,’_ Williams began, ‘I might have a name that has caused me some concern. A name I cannot provide without a warrant.’

Noemi’s face lit up like she had an idea. ‘Could you hold a moment Ms. Williams, my partner is trying to get my attention?’

‘Certainly.’

Aarna muted her microphone and asked, ‘what? What just went off in that brilliant brain of yours?’

Noemi grinned, ‘social work calls often have to be escorted by local police officers. She might be able to give you that name. Working with the local police is probably easier, departmentally.’

Aarna grinned, ‘you’re brilliant Noie!’ She wanted to kiss Noemi but she figured now probably wasn’t the time. Shame. She unmuted her microphone, ‘I apologise for that Ms. Williams. My partner mentioned that often social workers are escorted by local police officers.’

‘Your partner is correct,’ Nia replied.

‘Would you be able to provide the name of the officer you worked with?’

‘With a warrant.’

‘What about a list of officers you worked with?’

Silence greeted Aarna. Finally Williams sighed, ‘I’m afraid not. I really cannot say anything further without a warrant.’

Aarna sensed the finality in her words. They had gotten more than she hoped for. ‘Thank you for your time Ms. Williams. I appreciate it.’

‘Certainly, always happy to help Agent Dhar.’ A click told Aarna that she had hung up.

Noemi gave her a smile, ‘at least we know who to ask next.’ She took a hearty bite of curry and rice.

Aarna smiled back. They did know their next step. Aarna just wasn’t sure how successful they would be. How many police officers were there in the Virginia PD? Even in Prince Williams County? And how many of them would work with a couple of FBI recruits? Probably about as many FBI agents would be willing to work with police academy recruits. Aarna had a feeling they were boxing outside of their weight class. She suspected their ruse was up and it was time to go to Agent Rizzoli. That, however, was tomorrow’s problem.

‘So,’ Noemi began, looking somewhat nervous, ‘my Lola texted. She would like me and my roommate to join her for dinner tonight.’

Aarna choked on her curry. Noemi grabbed her water and pushed it in her direction. Aarna gasped out a soft, ‘thanks.’

‘I promised I would join her. I also told her you were probably busy.’ Noemi’s cheeks blushed.

‘Oh,’ Aarna said, not sure why she had a sinking feeling. She didn’t really want to meet Noie’s homophobic grandmother and spend the night pretending she was straight and very much not in a romantic relationship with Noemi. Did she?

‘She didn’t like that,’ Noemi said quietly, ‘she scolded me. Told me she deserved to know who I was spending all my time with. Said she wanted to meet you, sooner rather than later.’

‘I’m- uh-‘ Aarna cleared her throat, ‘I’m flattered. And I’m… open to attending. If you want me to.’

‘You are?’ Noemi asked eyes opening wide. ‘Even though we will have to pretend to be not a couple?’

Aarna smiled, ‘we usually pretend to not be a couple, dear.’

‘Oh,’ Noemi said, seemingly embarrassed, ‘right. I forgot.’

‘You forgot?’ Aarna asked eyebrows raised.

‘Sort of,’ Noemi said, ‘this weekend has been so perfect. Just you and I. I sort of just momentarily forgot its not always like this.’

Aarna’s heart ached. They’d both agreed to hiding their relationship, to it’s end date. Noemi didn’t want to be ‘out’. Couldn’t be. And Aarna had never had a serious relationship in her life. Most people didn’t understand her drive, her ambition. She scared people with her intensity or she enraged them with her flirtations with others. No one had captured her attention so completely before Noemi. No one had ever bothered to stay. If Aarna was honest, she had expected their relationship to implode within a few weeks. Long enough to have mind blowing sex and not long enough for either of them to get on each others nerves. Instead, Aarna had fallen in love. She’d fallen in love even though she knew it was a bad idea. Even though she knew the exact moment this relationship would end. And every once in a while, Noemi would say something like that and Aarna had to wonder if maybe Noemi had fallen too. Maybe, just maybe, she had reason to hope.

Aarna reached out, taking Noemi’s hand in hers, ‘it really was perfect.’ She smiled as warmly as she could. After all, loving Noemi Baccay was her favourite kind of pain.

Noemi smiled back, brushing her thumb over Aarna’s ’so dinner with my Lola?’

‘I’m game if you are,’ Aarna said, ‘I’d like to meet your favourite person in the world.’

Noemi gave her a look then, a look that Aarna swore said, ‘ _you_ are my favourite person in the world.’ But it was gone in a flash, leaving Aarna uncertain. ‘It might be nice having you meet my Lola. She’s a force of nature, a little bit terrifying.’

‘Oh,’ Aarna teased, ‘so you come by it naturally.’

Noemi blushed, ‘shut it.’ She turned her head sideways as she looked at Aarna, ‘heaven help the restaurant that has to deal with the two of you.’

Laughing, Aarna said, ‘I’ll be good, I promise.’ She swooped up their finished plates, rinsing and putting them in the dishwasher. ‘What time do you want to leave?’

Noemi sighed, ’I’ll call her but knowing my Lola?! As soon as possible.’

Aarna nodded, placing a kiss on Noemi’s head, ‘I’ll go get ready then. Do I need to wear anything special?’

Noemi blushed a deep red, ‘a sari would be nice. Not that my Lola will mind. I just like seeing you in them.’

That startled another laugh from Aarna, ‘anything for you Noie.’

Aarna allowed herself a few minutes to mope in the bathroom. Being in love with someone you can’t keep was no where near as romantic as Hollywood made it sound. When she had, had her fill, she focused on her make up, making it natural but flattering. Maybe it was pure pettiness and maybe Noie’s Lola would never give Aarna her blessing but Aarna was going to make sure she did everything in her power to empress the woman.

Aarna pulled out the only sari she had packed. It was a pale opaque blue down the middle, its edges were bordered by a sheer blue to silver dye, with silver flowers stitched in. It was one of her favourite saris. Modest enough for even a conservative grandmother but it’s sheer edges conveyed hints of her dark skin. Better yet, it was one Noemi hadn’t seen yet. It was a tad on the formal side and she had yet to find a reason to wear it for her. She wrapped it quickly, nivi style. She slipped on the embroidered blue and silver slippers that matched it. She pulled her hair in to a simple braid. Her hand hesitated over the chotli. It was silver with blue stones. She had forgotten in had been packed with this sari at all. It was typically a wedding accessory. Maybe that was why she fastened it to her braid. She doubted Lola would pick up on it and even if she did, Aarna could always reply it simply matched. Still, it felt a little like telling the truth. That she was meeting her lover’s family not just her friend’s grandmother. It settled her. One last glance in the mirror told her she looked as close to a model Indian woman as Aarna could.

Aarna heard rather than saw Noemi at the bottom of the stairs. She walked slowly down the stairs, partially to remind herself of the limited movement of her sari but mostly because she loved making an entrance. Noemi did not disappoint her. She stared up at Aarna with adoring eyes, her mouth hanging partially open. ‘How do I look?’

Noemi swallowed hard as Aarna approached. ‘Mahál, you look amazing,’ Noemi said, her voice hoarse. Her eyes swept over Aarna’s body, taking in every inch. It lingered on the chotli. For a moment, Aarna wondered if she should take it out. Undoubtedly Noemi knew its meaning but she simply smiled and pressed a kiss to Aarna’s cheek. ‘You’re perfect,’ Noemi said with feeling.

Aarna felt her cheeks heat. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered feeling uncharacteristically shy. ‘You look pretty perfect yourself.’ Noemi was dressed in black, her blouse and skirt made to look like a dress. Red flowers were embroidered diagonally across her waist. The dress was fitted and hugged Noemi’s curves in all the right places.

‘It’s a tad formal,’ Noemi said looking down as she brushed invisible hair off her front, ‘and I had to run back to campus to get it but since I was making you wear a sari, I thought it only fair I wear my terno.'

‘Will we be too fancy for your Lola?’ Aarna asked, her voice laced with concern.

‘Nope,’ Noemi replied, ‘I told her we wanted to take her to a nice dinner. She’ll probably be wearing a terno too.’

‘You do think of everything, don’t you,’ Aarna asked teasingly.

Noemi blushed lightly, clearing her throat, ‘I just want to make this as comfortable for you as possible.’

‘Well,’ Aarna began clearing her own throat, ‘you’re very considerate. Shall we go?’

The drive was fairly quiet. Before Noemi, Aarna considered silence a bad thing. A sign of discomfort. With Noemi though, the silence felt less intimidating. It felt more intimate. A little like taking off the mask she wore for every one else. Noemi didn’t expect her to _be_ someone. She could simply be. Noemi parked the car, pulling out the keys. She turned to look at Aarna. ‘If at any point, you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed or want to leave just let me know. I’ll deal with my Lola later. Okay?’

Aarna’s hand moved, reaching for Noemi’s before she jerked it back. ‘Thank you, love, but I’m not worried.’

Noemi nodded, her eyes flicking to Aarna’s lips for a moment. It was almost like a kiss. Aarna knew she meant it as one. Aarna smiled and followed suit when Noemi left the car. She lead them in to a nearby restaurant that was dimly lit, soft instrumental music playing in the background. The wait staff were dressed in formal attire.

A host stopped Noemi, ‘we require a reservation to be seated.’ His tone made it clear he did not believe they had such a thing.

‘I have one. Baccay, B-A-C-C-A-Y.’ Noemi said. It wasn’t precisely rude but Aarna could feel the tension coming off of her.

The man looked skeptical before reluctantly looking down at his notes. ‘I see,’ the man’s lips were tight. ‘I will escort you to your table.’ Aarna wanted to growl at the way he said escort, as though Noemi would steal something. He grabbed a single menu and walked away. Aarna looked at Noemi who shrugged.

At the table the host looked up in surprise, ‘I wasn’t aware you were together.’

Noemi looked ready to snap at the man. Aarna took the lead, ‘it’s no trouble, I’m certain you wouldn’t mind retrieving a second menu for us and to make up for the oversight, I’m certain we would enjoy a bottle of wine on the house.’ She smiled a smile that was less pleased and more predatory, she would broker no argument here.

The man sputtered, ‘I- that is- I mean to say-.’

Aarna raised an eyebrow at the man, ‘did you also want to publically apologise for your insolence?’

The man shook his head, ‘would you prefer white or red?’

Aarna looked to Noemi who was grinning, ‘white please.’ The man inclined his head and hurried away. As he walked away, Aarna heard Noemi mutter, ‘stupid racist.’

Their wine arrived shortly before Noemi’s grandmother. The waitress popping it open with a murmured apology for their hosts behaviour. Aarna was grateful when she, and not the host, lead Lola back. Aarna knew it was Lola as soon as she saw her, the resemblance between Noemi and her Lola being uncanny. Aarna felt like she was glimpsing Noie forty years in to the future and it tugged at her heart strings.

‘There’s my apo!’ Lola said, her face breaking in to a wide smile. Noemi stood to greet her, accepting the hug. Aarna stood as well, smiling as the older woman fussed over Noemi.

At last, after straightening Noemi’s blouse and pinching her cheeks complaining about how little Noemi must be fed, she turned to Aarna. Her eyes were sharp, focused and clear as they took in Aarna’s sari. ‘Hello, I’m Aarna. It’s wonderful to meet you, Noemi has told me so much about you,’ Aarna smiled her most charming smile.

Lola smiled back, ‘Apo, you never mentioned your roommate was so beautiful. I would have brought dates for you both if you had!’ She laughed in that good natured grandmotherly way and Aarna felt her heart sink. This might be harder than she thought.

‘She’s spoken for Lola,’ Noemi said, her voice unexpectedly sharp. Aarna felt her heart soar. She was going to be exhausted by the end of the night.

‘Oh?’ Lola asked, ‘good. At least one of you is.’ She chuckled then. ‘Pour me some wine and tell me about your training Apo.’

Noemi nodded, obediently pouring the wine. Aarna tried to catch her eye. Tried to reassure her but Noemi avoided her gaze. Noemi gave her Lola what sounded very much like a rehearsed progress report. Aarna practically expected her to salute and call her ma’am. Aarna hid a grin behind a hand.

Lola met her eyes, a twinkle and a grin on her face, ‘always so formal apo. Tell me how it’s really going.’

Noemi looked at the pair of them helplessly, feeling she was being laughed at but not fully understanding. ‘I was,’ was all she said. 

Aarna took pity on Noemi, ‘I could tell you a few stories, if you’d like.’

Lola grinned at her, ‘they had better make me laugh,’ she warned. 

‘I can certainly try,’ Aarna replied with sincerity. She launched in to a story about a mishap on the firing range that was, mostly, Aarna’s fault, making the older woman laugh. Aarna couldn’t help liking the older woman, even if it was against her better judgment. The waitress arrived to take their orders just as Aarna was finishing.

‘So,’ Lola began after the waitress left, ‘tell me about your man.’

Aarna smiled, ‘actually, if you’ll excuse me, I have to use the restroom.’ She left quickly, hoping Noemi could steer them to safer subjects by the time she returned.

Between Noemi and Aarna they managed to navigate any information mines regarding their relationship and we able to finish a delicious dinner with tons of laughter. Aarna promised to continue to look after Noemi which made her stomach churn. Noemi kissed her grandmother goodbye and they settled back in to the car.

‘So…?’ Noemi asked.

Aarna smiled, ‘I liked her.’

‘Yeah? Because I know the whole… anti-gay thing is hard for you,’ Noemi asked.

‘It does. I don’t like when people question my worthiness of love because of my sexuality,’ Aarna said with a smile, ‘but people are complicated. I would have liked her because she’s your grandmother. She’s important to you, so she’s important to me. But she’s funny and sweet and mischievous. I liked her.’ Noemi stared at her, her eyes watery. ‘What?’ Aarna asked feeling uncomfortable, ‘I’m allowed to have mixed feelings here.’

‘You are,’ Noemi affirmed, ‘I’m just….’ She paused her voice full of emotion, ‘I’m very grateful for you.’

‘Oh,’ Aarna whispered shyly again, ‘well that’s…. good.’

They sat quietly for a few more moments. Finally Noemi whispered, ‘I wish she could accept you for who you are regardless of who you love.’

Aarna looked at Noemi, the pain etched on her face. She wasn’t sure how to help. ‘I’m sorry she doesn’t know you,’ Aarna replied.

Noemi sniffed and nodded. ‘How did you come out to your family?’

Aarna tried not to read in to that. ‘What do you mean? Like how did I tell them?’

Aarna watched as Noemi’s face shifted, puzzling out what she was trying to ask, ‘yes but also how did they respond?’

‘Well,’ Aarna began, ‘it helps that I’m the baby. My sister was already a doctor with a son on the way. My brother had just passed his bar and was engaged to his wife. So my parents legacy was already secured. There wasn’t much pressure on me to _be_ someone in their head. So when I told them they just sort of nodded and shrugged. I think, honestly, they were more disappointed in my decision to attend the academy.’

‘But that’s just as impressive as being a doctor or lawyer isn’t it?’ Noemi asked, startled.

‘Not to them,’ Aarna said with a shrug, ‘I think they believe it is below our family’s social strata.’

‘But there are infinitely more doctors and lawyers than there are FBI Agents. You’re an elite,’ Noemi said, her tone getting defensive.

Aarna chuckled, ‘I know that love.’

‘Good,’ Noemi said, ‘because they should be proud to have you as a daughter.’

‘They are,’ Aarna said with a smile, ‘they’ve come to terms with my career choices. I think.’

‘And they didn’t care that you like women?’

Aarna bit her lip thinking, ‘I don’t think they do. In some of the muslim or christian parts of India it would be forbidden but my family is Hindu. They’re just more… open to it. Maybe it would have been a bigger deal if I’d grown up in India instead of here.’

‘Do you think I should come out to my Lola?’ Noemi asked, her face looking anguished.

Yes. Aarna thought. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Instead she whispered, ‘don’t ask me that Noie.’

‘Why not?’ Noemi asked, her voice trembling.

‘Because,’ Aarna whispered, ‘I can’t be objective about it. I don’t want to be the one who makes you choose between us.’

‘You think she’d make me choose?’ Noemi whispered, sounding horrified at the thought.

I think she’d disown you on the spot, Aarna thought. Aarna forced herself to stay still, to not hold the other woman. They were still in public. ‘I think it’s a possibility that if you told her there could be relationship ending consequences. So before you tell her, I think you have to figure out if you’re okay with that.’ Aarna’s voice softened slightly, ‘I’ll be here, no matter what, okay Noie? I will. But when I think about losing my relationship with my Mātā, it hurts so badly… I never want you to feel that way.’

‘So you think we should stay the course?’ Noemi asked, sounding so fragile a good gust of wind would break her, ‘keep this thing between us private and call it quits after the academy?’ She looked up through her lashes at Aarna, her eyes wet.

How was she to answer that? Lakshmi guide her. ‘I-‘ Aarna’s voice failed her. She tried again, swallowing down a lump as big as her throat, ‘I don’t…’ She had meant to say she didn’t know. That she hadn’t the slightest clue what to do next. Instead her mouth traitorously said what her heart was feeling. ‘I don’t want that at all,’ Aarna stopped everything that came after it. The I love you, the I want to be with you forever, the please choose me, choose us.

‘You don’t want to break up with me?’ Noemi asked, looking surprised.

Aarna shook her head, ‘no I don’t.’

‘What if I never come out?’ Noemi asked.

Aarna shrugged, ‘I don’t know. We’ll figure it out?’

‘You can’t stay my secret forever Aarna,’ Noemi said, ‘you deserve more than that.’

Aarna was feeling emotionally whiplashed. She couldn’t tell what Noemi wanted, what she was looking for. She took a breath, picturing her breath clearing away her troubled thoughts. ‘I want you Noie. I want you and us and a chance to make this whole thing work. The question here is: what do you want?’

‘So you will make me choose?’ Noemi shot back angrily. Aarna looked at Noemi, really, looked, the woman was shaking. Her hands trembled, her body shivered, her breathing was shallow. She was terrified and trying to fight back at the only target she could see.

Aarna’s voice got softer, ‘no, love. I won’t. I never would. I just need to know you want to be with me too.’ Aarna wasn’t sure what would win out in Noemi. Fear, fury, faith. ‘You don’t have to answer me now. Just… think about it.’

‘I don’t need to think about it,’ Noemi spat back, fury apparently winning out, ’I know what I want.’

Aarna felt her stomach sink, the edges of her vision turned black, a roaring started in her ears. This was where she lost either all. Aarna didn’t know why she felt so shocked, so betrayed. Noemi had told her from the start that this would how it would end. ‘Oh,’ Aarna heard her mouth say, as though it was detached from the rest of her body, ‘of course. I understand.’ Sheer force of will kept Aarna from crying.

‘I want you,’ Noemi said, grabbing Aarna’s face and crashing their lips together. Even though they were in public, even though any one could see. Aarna had been caught off guard but her body knew what to do, yielding the pressure of Noemi’s tongue against hers, opening eagerly to admit Noemi. Noemi’s kiss was hard and desperate, claiming. It ravished Aarna’s senses, altered her heart beat, stole her breath, going on and on until Aarna had to pull away to catch a breath. Noemi’s lips and body followed her. Settling with remarkable grace in Aarna’s lap in spite of the fact that she was wearing a dress and they were sitting in a car. She wrapped her hand in Aarna’s hair, coiling braid and chotli around her fist, pulling Aarna’s head back to have better access to her lips. Her free hand grabbed at Aarna’s sari, not really trying to pull it off but grasping it tightly to herself as though she was desperate to hold on. Aarna yielded, surrendering to Noemi’s will. She let Noemi take everything she wanted. She would always let Noemi take the lead.

Their lips were both swollen, lipstick smeared, by the time Noemi leaned back to look at her. Her eyes were sparkling. She unwrapped her hand gently, her fingers touching the chotli gently, ‘I can’t believe you wore this in front of my grandmother,’ she whispered.

Aarna gulped, feeling her cheeks heat. ‘I… just wanted to acknowledge how I really feel about you.’

‘With a wedding accessory?’ Noemi asked, raising an eyebrow.

Aarna’s blush was probably obvious now. ‘Yes,’ she whispered.

‘Mmm,’ Noemi murmured against her lips, ‘lets go home. I want to take this sari off of you.’

Aarna cupped Noemi’s cheek, her thumb brushing softly against her skin, ‘are you okay? This has been a hard conversation.’

Noemi ducked her head, burying her face in Aarna’s neck. ‘Yes,’ she murmured, ‘I still don’t know how we’re going to do this…..’

Aarna rubbed Noemi’s back reassuringly, ‘me neither.’

‘I know I want to though,’ Noemi finished.

Aarna placed a kiss to Noemi’s head, ‘me too, love, me too.’

‘Can I take you home now?’ Noemi asked, pulling away from Aarna’s neck at last, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

‘Ahh yes,’ Aarna teased, ‘I believe you mentioned something about wanting to take my sari off.’

Noemi gave her as much of an appraising look as her seat could afford. ‘From the first moment I saw it on you,’ Noemi said with feeling.

It made Aarna laugh, ‘then by all means, take me home.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True to itself, I meant to write two parts today but this first part just kept getting longer and longer. So here we are. I also got to do research on Sari's and Terno's.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Grief, death, loss. Mentions of phone sex.

How many homeless kids had Nina walked by in her time as a beat cop? How many had she befriended? How many had she tried to help? Nina had joined the force because she wanted to make a difference. She’d chosen a beat in the inner city because no one else wanted it and she knew she could help. It was what drew her to Marcus. His love for his students was infectious. How many homes had they visited? How many families had they brought food to? They even had taken to collecting winter coats to hand out when, inevitably they found someone in need. Nina had never felt more like she was doing what she was supposed to than she had in Chicago. And then they had killed Marcus. Her world, her love and her purpose came crashing down and it left Nina in tatters. She was drops in the ocean. So she gave a kid a coat. What difference did that make? When they grew in to radicalised killers? Who cared if they did their homework if they’d be dead of a drug overdose by sixteen? A part of Nina had died with Marcus.

She supposed that was inevitable. Marcus’s death would always be one of her defining life moments. It had changed everything, whether she wanted it or not. It had changed her. Grief had consumed her, taking every light from her world. She walked her beat and instead of seeing kids needing a hand, she saw gang members in training. She wasn’t sure when that happened. Then Boston came calling, needing a new detective with technical expertise. Nina had said yes, less out of desire for the new position and more because she couldn’t think of anything else to do. Life had a way of pushing you forward even when your heart was anchored in the past. That was what was cruelest to her. Her time kept moving, kept pushing forward, kept demanding more while Marcus’s never would.

Now she sat in the middle of marriage planning and she was struck by how unfair it was. Marcus had bought a ring. He’d hidden it in his teaching bag. Nina had found it after…. She would have said yes. She would have married him with no regrets. Nina wiped a tear rapidly away when she heard the apartment door open.

‘Hey Nina!’ Frankie called as he entered. ‘I brought you some of that chai you like!’

‘Okay,’ Nina called back trying to sound happy, ‘be right there.’

Frankie, having heard her voice, reversed course and poked his head in, ‘you okay?’

Nina nodded, turning hurriedly away, ‘yeah I was just wedding planning.’

The weight on the bed shifted as Frankie joined her, ‘you don’t have to do this if its just making you cry, you know?’ His voice was soft. ‘We can just let Ma plan it, or better yet Maura.’

Nina laughed, ‘it’s not that.’

‘So what is it?’ Frankie asked, his face soft and open, earnest. It was part of what she loved about Frankie.

‘I was thinking about Marcus,’ Nina admits softly.

‘Oh,’ Frankie said, ‘I guess this is one of those hard days?’

Nina nodded, ‘something about Snickers and Kit Kat needing help…’ Nina swiped pitifully at the tears that were now streaming, ‘Marcus would have an idea. He’d know what to do and I just don’t.’

Frankie placed one of his handkerchiefs in her hands, ‘here.’

‘Thanks,’ Nina mumbled, ‘I’m sorry if this is awkward.’

‘It’s not,’ Frankie said, ‘well…’ he hesitated, ‘it is but just cause I hate seeing you cry. I don’t mind when you talk to Marcus. He was important to you. He was part of you. I can’t change that he’s gone but I think he’d want someone to be there for you when it hurts. If they can.’

Nina whimpered, the tears overwhelming her ability to speak, ‘you’d… be… friends.’

Frankie smiled softly at her, ‘I think we would have. I’d have kicked his but in basketball too. I don’t care if he was 6 foot 2.’

Nina laughed. There was no way Frankie would have won that match up. Marcus was born with a basketball in hand. ‘Thanks,’ she whispered burying herself in Frankie’s arms.

‘I, obviously, didn’t know him but I think he’d probably tell you that sometimes all we can do is try,’ Frankie said rubbing her back in large, firm circles, ‘that’s all anyone can do.’ Nina nodded, too sad to respond. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ Frankie asked, ‘I can leave or start you a bath. We could snuggle and watch movies or I could bring you your chai and your favourite book.’

The idea popped in her head suddenly, ‘could we do a picnic in the park?’

‘Uh… sure. It’s a little gusty but we could buy a kite or something,’ Frankie said awkwardly but gamely.

‘I think I figured out the first step to helping those girls,’ Nina said smiling in to the side of Frankie she was hidden in.

‘Nina! That’s great!’ Frankie said excitedly, ‘what is it?’

‘Consistency,’ Nina said in a voice that she thought of as Marcus’s, ‘the most important thing you can do for any kid is by showing up consistently.’

‘Was that Marcus’s voice?’ Frankie asked sounding a bit incredulous.

Nina giggled, ‘yes.’

‘Do me!’ Frankie said. ‘Do me!’

Nina thought about it. She hadn’t used her Frankie voice as much. When she needed to hear his voice, he was usually a room away. When she spoke she kept her vowels flat in a mimicry of his Bostonian accent, ‘I love you Nina Holiday. You’re the smartest person ever.’

Frankie giggled, ‘that was nothing like me.’

Nina swatted at him playfully, ‘it’s a work in progress.’

‘Well you did get part of it right,’ Frankie said with a mischievious grin, ‘I do love you and you are the smartest person ever.’ He accentuated his accent teasingly.

Nina pressed a kiss to his cheek, ‘thanks for being okay with my hard days.’

‘Always,’ Frankie answered brightly.

Nina pulled herself off the bed and began dressing in layers. She planned on being at the park long enough to be noticed. She’d win those girls trust if it took all winter.

* * *

Maura sat wrapped in her own BCU hoodie that smelled like Jane. The TV was playing baseball in the background, though Maura was hardly paying attention. She found she had grown accustomed to having it on for Jane. Now it felt odd to sit in silence reading. Maura was waiting to hear from Jane that she made it safely home. She was also trying to avoid her own sense of loneliness that her now empty bed caused her to feel. Her phone ringing pulled Maura out of her article.

‘Doctor Isles.’

‘Maura, it’s Hope!’ Hope’s voice said through the speaker. ‘Is now a bad time?’

‘Not at all Hope, I was just reading an article from the New England Medical Journal. Have you read it yet?’ Maura asked.

‘Oh yes. I am very interested to see how Rajkumar’s monoclonal research turns out,’ Hope said. ‘What article are you reading?’

‘I’m reading about the measles outbreak in the Amish community in Ohio,’ Maura replied glancing back at the article. ‘I am curious about the targeted methods they used to encourage vaccination and was thinking if we could apply something similar with the flu vaccine in the clinic. It sounds as though a pre-established relationship between the health professionals and the community made the biggest difference in controlling the outbreak. I was considering if we could boost clinical vaccination rates in our county if we participated and hosted community events.’

‘That seems practical. Did you have a specific idea?’ Hope asked.

‘Participation at the food clinic seems the most efficient route,’ Maura replied, ‘if we found a way to combine our forces, I imagine that at the least we could immunise fairly effectively against the flu.’

‘That’s a wonderful idea dear. Do you think the food bank would be game?’

‘I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be. We all have the same mission, to care for the people,’ Maura replied. Suddenly she remembered something, ‘I’m sorry, I seem to have distracted us. Was there something you needed?’

‘Oh!’ Hope said with a nervous chuckle, ‘no need to apologise. I enjoy speaking with you.’

‘I enjoy speaking with you as well Hope,’ Maura replied with a soft smile, ‘I just don’t want to make you forget why you called.’

‘Thank you,’ Hope replied, ‘truthfully I was calling to check in on you.’

‘Check in on me?’ Maura asked, feeling touched and a bit confused.

‘I know you and Jane got to spend the weekend in Baltimore together and that she left this evening. I wanted to make sure you were doing alright.’ Hope said.

‘Oh,’ Maura replied softly, ‘thank you. I am doing alright. I do miss her though.’

‘You may not want to hear this…’ Hope hesitated, ‘but saying goodbye to Paddy was always difficult. Sometimes the silence was deafening. It could be so lonely.’ Maura shifted. She wasn’t sure if she wanted Hope to stop talking or if she wanted her to tell her everything. She often felt that way about Paddy. Hope sighed. Maura had been quiet too long, ‘I simply meant… I know how hard it can be and I thought you might appreciate some company.’

‘Thank you,’ Maura replied, ‘I can never tell if I want to know everything or nothing about Paddy. It’s… complicated.’

‘I understand,’ Hope said quietly on the other side of the phone. ‘Are you certain you want to come with me in LA. I am more than capable for conveying his final wishes to you.’

‘I am.’ Maura replied, ‘it may not be easy but he is my biological father.’

‘He is but Maura,’ Hopes voice broke in emotion, ‘you aren’t alone in this anymore, alright?’

‘Neither are you Mother,’ Maura whispered the last word, testing it out. She wasn’t sure it felt right. She heard Hope gasp on the other side. ‘I’m sorry,’ Maura said automatically, ‘was that too much?’

‘No sweetie,’ Hope replied, her voice definitely breaking with emotion, ‘you’re never too much. You can call me whatever feels comfortable. It was just… surprising.’

Silence stretched between them. Maura spoke at last, ‘one of my last patients before I left was a little girl who ended up in foster care. Her foster mother is a wonderful woman and she calls her mommy. Her biological mother she calls Ma. It struck me, when she was speaking. Here was this six year old capable of understanding the complexities of family, to grasp the distinctions between blood and nurturing-.’

‘Maura?’ Hope interrupted, ‘are you trying to say you think there is an etymological case to be made for having two mothers?’

Maura sat silent for a moment, considering. ‘I was actually thinking that if she was brave enough to accept the love of a new mother that I could be as well. I should warn you I wasn’t terribly great at receiving my adoptive mother’s love. So I imagine it will be a great deal more difficult for me than my patient but I would like to endeavour to try. To accept you as my mother, I mean.’

Hope cleared her throat, ‘I should warn you, I’m not the best at mothering in the world. You can just ask Cailin.’

Maura blinked at that, ‘well perhaps we could both use the practice.’

‘Yes,’ Hope whispered, ‘perhaps we could.’

Maura’s phone beeped, she looked at the screen to see Jane’s name. ‘Oh, Hope, that’s Jane.’

‘Go,’ Hope replied, ‘enjoy your evening. I’ll see you in two weeks. I… hope you’ll take care.’

Maura wasn’t sure why but she heard it. Heard the unspoken words as clear as day. ‘I love you Hope. Goodnight.’

‘I love you too.’ Hope responded some what dazed sounding, ‘good night.’

Maura switched calls, ‘Jane!’

‘Hey Maur!’ Jane’s raspy voice greeted her. It sounded like home, ‘this is your required made-it-home safely call.’

‘Good!’ Maura replied wearing an irrepressible grin, ‘how was your drive?’

‘Crappy. I had to resist turning around,’ Jane replied with a grunt that told Maura she had just settled in. ‘What medical journal are you reading tonight?’

Maura blushed, feeling simultaneously seen and exposed, ‘how do you know it’s a medical journal? I could be reading a fashion magazine.’

‘You could be but you aren’t,’ Jane said lazily, ‘if I had to guess, you’re reading the New England Medical Journal.’

‘How do you _do_ that?’ Maura asked, half whining.

Jane laughed, ‘because it was the only thing besides me you ogled at this weekend.’

‘I did not ogle you or this journal!’ Maura exclaimed her cheeks glowing red.

‘You couldn’t keep your eyes off my chest,’ Jane pointed out, her tone full of sultry amusement.

‘You have a very nice chest,’ Maura said in a breathy defence.

‘No, I have an average chest. You’re just taking a neurochemical pleasure bath,’ Jane’s tone was teasing.

Maura’s blush deepened, ‘so what if I am?’

Maura could hear Jane’s grin from over here, ‘then I’d say really should find a way to bathe together.’ Maura groaned at the thought. ‘So you miss me already?’

‘Yes,’ Maura was all breathy. Jane laughed. ‘What, Jane, I’m a sexual creature.’

‘Yes,’ Jane’s voice spoke an active lower sounding almost like a growl, ‘yes you are.’

‘So… phone sex?’ Maura asked, wondering where they stood on that. They hadn’t gotten around to it.

‘I-uh-that is,’ nervous Jane was back. ‘Let me… think about it?’

Maura laughed, ‘you can think about me any time you want baby.’

‘That’s not what I-‘ Jane interrupted herself, ‘wait, I can?’

‘Mmmhmmm,’ Maura responded, doing her best to sound sultry. ‘That’s the benefit of being girlfriends.’

‘Do you-uh,’ Jane stuttered out, ‘you know… think of me?’

Maura grinned, ‘I do.’

‘Yeah?’ Jane asked, regaining some of her confidence, ‘am I any good?’

‘Not as good as the real thing but I’d say you’re very effective,’ Maura replied, feeling a sudden pang because she wanted Jane there with her. ‘I miss you, Jane.’

‘I miss you too Maura,’ Jane replied softly in return.

‘How are our girls?’ Maura asked softly. She wanted to be home so badly right now.

‘They’re exhausted. I think my recruits wore them out. Here I’ll text you a picture.’ Maura listened as Jane fumbled around on her side of the phone then looked at the picture of two very happily passed out dogs. Boston was laying on top of Berry in a manner that could not have been comfortable but both dogs looked to be in utter bliss.

‘I told you they’re a bonded pair,’ Maura said grinning.

‘Hmm,’ Jane responded noncommittally, ‘bonded pair still sounds fake to me but they definitely belong together.’

‘You’re wrong you know. Plenty of animals have displayed a powerful ability to bond to others and there are examples of such pairings all across the animal kingdoms. Dogs in particular can be very adept at forming social bonds.’

‘Thank you google, I know dogs are pack animals,’ Jane sasses back, ‘I’m just saying, I don’t think there’s a such thing as having a bond so strong that being apart is detrimental.’

Maura sat quietly, considering Jane’s opinion for a moment, cataloging it. ‘You’re still wrong.’

‘So you think a _Where the Red Fern Grows_ type bond exists?’ Jane shot back.

‘Yes,’ Maura replied, ‘there are plenty of documented cases of animals falling in to depression and even dying without their counterparts. Elephants are a prime example, orphaned elephants and mother elephants who lose their calves will sometimes starve themselves to death out of grief. There are also documented accounts of elephants being reunited after a lifelong separation where the elephants celebrate being together again. Cows choose a best friend who they spend day and night with and it’s proven to lower heart rate and hydrocortisone levels of the cow, sometimes even resulting in a greater yield of milk.’

‘Cows have best friends?’

‘Yes, they do.’

‘Alright now I know you’re messing with me,’ Jane replied incredulously.

‘I am not. There’s a very well cited article on cow friendships by Krista McLennan from Northampton University,’ Maura replied indignantly.

‘Maura, why the hell are you reading articles about cows?!’ Jane asked, her voice clearly teasing.

‘Because,’ Maura began with a blush, ‘because I used to think I was odd. A social oddity. I have never been adept at social skills. Then I met you and you were my friend even though I am socially inept. One day I was talking with Barry about how glad I was for you and he said I was like a cow.’

‘Of course he did,’ Jane said with a snort, ‘did you smack him?’

‘I did,’ Maura said smiling at the memory. ‘Then he said what he meant was that cows have a best friend who they spend all their chosen time with. It made me feel better and it intrigued me so I pulled a few articles.’

‘And now your the cow friendship expert,’ Jane said wryly.

‘I’m hardly an expert in bovine sociology, Jane,’ Maura said in her haughtiest academic voice.

Jane laughed, ‘fine I will admit that bonded pairs exist.’

Maura grinned, ‘did the cows convince you?’

‘Nope,’ Jane replied her voice unexpectedly tender, ‘I just know being apart from you is detrimental to me.’

Maura’s eyes stung, tears threatening to fall, ‘are you saying _you_ are _my_ bonded pair Jane?’

‘I mean it still feels weird to think of myself as an animal but yeah, I think I am. I’m your cow best friend.’

Maura laughed, ‘you are my cow best friend. You know what else you are?’

Jane’s voice was full of merriment when she replied, ‘no, what?’

‘My gibbon,’ Maura replied, trying to keep her voice even.

‘Your gibbon?’ Jane asked in reply.

‘Mmmhmm,’ Maura replied.

‘And what do gibbons do? They aren’t turkeys are they? I swear Maura if you compared me to cows and turkeys in the same sentence I might think you’re making _me_ for Thanksgiving.’ Jane said this with a laugh.

Chuckling Maura replied, ‘they aren’t turkeys.’

‘So, what are they?’

‘Look them up Rizzoli,’ Maura said flirtatiously.

‘Oh, it’s like that?’ Jane asked sounding incredulous. ‘They’re some horribly ugly thing aren’t they?’ Maura made the zipping sound that Jane often made when pantomiming zipping her mouth closed. ‘You’re zipping your lips? Really Maura? Really?’

Maura laughed on the other side, feeling incredibly happy in the moment. ‘I love you Jane.’

‘Not enough to tell me about gibbons apparently,’ Jane said pouting.

Maura laughed again, ‘goodnight love.’

‘Night Maur,’ Jane replied softly. ‘Have a good flight tomorrow.’

‘I will.’

Maura hung up and began getting ready for bed. She was just laying down when she got a picture of two gibbons snuggling texted from Jane: _‘Gibbons are cute.’_ That text was immediately followed by, _‘and yes I’ll be your mate for life.’_ Which was followed by, _’that’s what you meant right?’_

Maura grinned: _‘Yes, Jane. That’s what I meant. Good night my dear gibbon.’_

Jane’s next text made her snort, _‘goodnight cow best friend.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the above articles are real things yo. And cows do have best friends which is delightful.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vaguely NSFW.

Jane moved her lips along Maura’s neck, drawing out a low moan from the other woman. Her hands were tangled in Maura’s hair. All around her was the smell of Maura. Jane was in bliss. She nibbled softly at Maura’s pulse point eliciting what was quickly becoming Jane’s new favourite sound, it was a cross between a growl and a moan that came out all raspy and desperate. Jane’s right hand wandered lower, teasing at the gap between the hem of Maura’s shirt and the hem of her pants, Jane’s finger tips brushing against soft warm skin. Jane senses Maura tensing beneath her feather light touch. Jane smiles in to the kisses on Maura’s neck. Jane teasingly unhooks the bottom button on Maura’s blouse, Maura tilts her head back, stretching her neck to give Jane more access. One of Maura’s hands finds its way to the back of Jane’s head, fingers tugging softly at Jane’s hair in an increasingly desperate manner. Jane undoes another button and then someone knocks on the door. Jane blinked. Her daydream faded leaving Jane, alone, in her office and uncomfortably turned on.

A second more persistent knock sounded at her door. Jane crossed her legs, ‘uh, come in?’

A dark head peaked its way in, ‘Agent Rizzoli? Do you have a minute?’

Jane was frustrated at being interrupted with what was starting out to be a very promising daydream but she couldn’t take that out on Dhar. ‘Sure, recruit, come on in.’ Dhar entered, looking surprisingly uncomfortable, and for once, she wasn’t followed by Baccay. ‘Everything okay there Dhar? Where’s Baccay?’ Jane asked.

‘She doesn’t know I’m here,’ Dhar said, shifting from foot to foot. ‘I didn’t want to get her in trouble too.’

Dhar had Jane’s attention now. ‘Alright recruit, you here to confess?’

Dhar nodded, ‘I did something that you probably won’t like.’

‘Something I won’t like?’ Jane asked narrowing her eyes, looking suspicious.

‘I am fully prepared to accept the consequences of my actions but I need you to promise to hear me out completely before you dismiss me,’ Dhar said meeting Jane’s look defiantly.

Jane sighed, ‘recruit why am I getting the sense that you aren’t all that sorry for what you did?’

‘Because I’m not ma’am,’ Dhar replied her voice steady. ‘I regret disappointing you ma’am but I don’t regret what I did.’

‘Disappoint is a pretty strong word there Dhar,’ Jane said.

‘Yes it is ma’am.’

‘Well how about you take a seat and tell me about it before we decide you’ve disappointed me,’ Jane said gesturing to the chair across her desk. Jane felt out of her depths. She’d never had to do this part of teaching before.

Dhar sat carefully, looking resolute but not contrite. ‘Ma’am, do you remember telling us that you were concerned for Doctor Isles?’

‘Yes,’ Jane said shifting uncomfortably. It hadn’t exactly been something she could forget and if Dhar had done something in connection to that then this was on her.

‘I thought maybe I’d asked the wrong people. Maybe I’d made her a target. So I went back to do more interviews. See if I could run it down,’ Dhar said dark eyes meeting Jane’s.

‘Recruit,’ Jane said her tone warning, ‘tell me you did not jeopardise your position at the FBI to create a fake investigation?’

Dhar flinched. ‘I did what I thought was right Agent Rizzoli.’

Jane buried her face in her hands, ‘Dhar do you have any idea how much trouble you could be in?’

‘Yes,’ Dhar replied quietly, ‘but before you punish me I need to tell you what I found out.’

‘You found something?’ Jane asked looking up incredulously at Dhar. ‘You actually found something?’

Dhar nodded, ‘a lead at least.’

Jane was torn. Under no circumstances should she be hearing this information. Aside from the moral question of how the information was obtained, it also felt a bit too much like investigating her girlfriend. On the other hand, if Dhar really had a lead and Jane had the opportunity to protect her? It wasn’t really a question of what she was going to do. Jane had done far worse to keep Maura safe. She just hated that Dhar, and probably Baccay, had gotten caught up in it. ‘Tell me,’ Jane whispered at last.

Dhar nodded, her own eyes sparking with the scent of the chase, ‘We-I interviewed your neighbours who knew nothing additional. Then I went back to the clinic. An anonymous source tipped me off that Doctor Isles worked a child abuse case before she left. She also gave me the name of a social worker. Nia Williams. She couldn’t give me much without a warrant but she did confirm that she had worked a case with Maura, that she hadn’t worked many cases with her, and then she as good as said she had a suspect in mind if we brought her a warrant. She confirmed that she worked with local PD but couldn’t say who. I tried to figure out who but no one wants to work with a recruit. I stalled out.’

‘Williams said she had a suspect?’ Jane asked clarifying.

‘No. She said hypothetically she had a name that caused her concern,’ Dhar said. ‘She was speaking cryptically. Saying enough to point me in a direction but not enough for her to be breaking the law.’

Jane rubbed her temples. This was going to be complicated for a variety of reasons. ‘Did you say you were an FBI agent?’

Dhar shook her head, ’no. I said I was with the FBI but I never said I was an agent or gave a fake badge number.’

Jane chewed her lip, ‘that’s good. It means the information wasn’t illegally obtained. Did you take notes?’ Dhar nodded. ‘I want them all. Yours and Baccay’s.’

Dhar looked away for the first time, ‘Baccay didn’t know about it.’

Jane sighed, ‘I get it. Just give me her notes. And don’t re-write them. I’ll pretend not to notice the different hand writings okay?’ Dhar said nothing.

‘Dhar. This is my fault, okay. I overshared and then didn’t keep a close enough eye on you two to make sure you didn’t step in it.’ Jane spoke softly, ‘I won’t let either of you take the blame for my mistake but this is an investigation there is chain of custody to consider. You can’t tamper with evidence to protect her.’

‘You would for Doctor Isles,’ Dhar muttered.

Jane was speechless. She would do a lot for Maura but even when Maura had spent an excruciating handful of hours in jail, Jane had not crossed that line. Of course, it had been a near thing. ‘Maybe. Or maybe I would trust my team to figure it out.’

Dhar looked at her, eyes sharp, a sad look on her face. Jane couldn’t quite read what she was thinking. ‘Okay,’ she said at last looking away. Jane wasn’t sure what had just passed between them but to Jane it felt a little like trust.

‘As for consequences, I suppose those depend on how the investigation turns out. It’s hard to punish a recruit who saves a life by breaking the rules. For now, just stick to the academy and no more side investigations. Understood?’ Jane tried to sound firm but she was pretty sure it sounded like she was letting Dhar off the hook. She kind of was. Jane knew she’d do everything she could to protect Dhar from these consequences.

‘Yes Agent Rizzoli,’ Dhar said looking down at her feet.

‘You’re going to make one hell of an agent Dhar. I don’t want to see you compromise that,’ Jane said softly, ‘the world is going to need an agent like you.’

‘Thank you ma’am,’ Dhar said flashing a small smile as she stood to leave.

‘Dismissed,’ Jane said with a wave of her hand. ‘Oh, and Dhar?’ The woman paused at the door looking back at her, ‘Baccay isn’t going to appreciate you trying to protect her.’

Dhar flinched slightly, ‘don’t I know it?’

Jane nodded and watched her recruit leave. Jane pulled a fresh notebook and began writing her own case notes. If she was going to make this an official investigation, she’d have to do it by the book. Starting with paperwork. Jane didn’t have much to go on. A threat in Boston, a domestic violence case in Virginia, no real information on either. Jane tapped her fingers. The only connecting thread was Maura. She doubted she could get a warrant with the information she had but maybe Nia Williams would be more willing to talk to her than she had been with Dhar. It was worth a shot anyways.

* * *

Nia Williams stared at the woman across from her. She could see why Maura Isles had fallen for her. Jane Rizzoli was an untamed beauty, her olive skin, brown eyes, and dark wild hair made her striking. Her dimples and charm made her irresistible. Nia had half fallen for her and they’d only been speaking for a few minutes. ‘Agent Rizzoli, as I told your partner, I cannot give you any information without a warrant.’

‘I get that Ms. Williams,’ Jane said in a warm raspy voice, ‘its just… I don’t have a lot to go on here. I’m just trying to keep Doctor Isles safe. You know? Surely there’s some sort of exception you can make for an active threat?’

Nia nodded along with Jane, feeling reeled in. ‘There are, of course there are, but all of them are immediate danger. Do you believe Doctor Isles to be in _immediate_ danger?’

‘Immediate, imminent… these things have a judgement call to them don’t they?’ Jane asked with a grin that made Nia want to smile back or punch her in the arm. Equal parts charming and obnoxious.

‘They are,’ Nia conceded, ‘but there are rules in place Agent Rizzoli, guidelines that have to be met, restrictions that have to be followed.’

A flash of something like frustration showed on Jane’s face, ‘come on Ms. Williams. There has to be something you can tell me.’

‘Plenty,’ Nia shot back unsure if she was frustrated or flirting, ‘with a warrant.’

Jane sighed, ‘look this is my person. I will do anything to protect her.’

Nia narrowed her eyes, ‘is that supposed to be a threat?’

‘No,’ Jane said eyes widening in horror, ‘I just meant I will do whatever it takes, even if that means jeopardising this investigation. I’d like the charges to stick but not at the cost of Maura’s safety and right now you’re my only lead. I don’t have enough for a warrant without the information you have. So give me something. Please.’

‘I’m sorry Agent Rizzoli, I can’t help you.’ Nia scribbled a note on a sticky note, putting it obviously on her computer screen. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me. I need to go use the restroom.’ Nia hit the lock screen on her computer and walked away.

When she returned Agent Rizzoli was gone, every thing was in it’s place. She took the sticky note down, crumbling it in to a small ball and tucking it in to her pocket. She hoped Agent Rizzoli was as sharp as Maura. Otherwise that case file number would be useless. Nia sighed, wondering not for the first time, why red tape had to make her job that much harder.


	46. Chapter 46

Maura sighed, switching the phone at her ear to the other side. Jane’s inner detective was out in full force. Normally, it was a sight to behold. Unfortunately, at the moment, Jane’s attention was focused on her. ‘As I have already said Jane,’ Maura replied quietly, patiently, willing Jane to understand, ‘there’s nothing I can say. I have legal, ethical and moral obligations to protect the privacy of my patients.’

‘Come on Maura,’ Jane said one part whining, one part charming, ‘you can’t even share with your significant other? Your significant other who is a _federal agent_.’

‘No, I can’t,’ Maura replied steadily, ‘the government is at least part of the reason such strict requirements exist.’

‘Okay,’ Jane said clearly switching routes, ‘big brother and all. I get it. But technically you told big brother when you filed that CPS report. The ‘government’ already knows.’ Jane said the word government and Maura could see the air quotes.

‘The Commonwealth of Virginia’s department of Child and Family Services Bureau already knows. The Federal Bureau of Investigations is a distinct and separate entity.’ Maura explains not for the first time, ‘really Jane. I can’t cut the red tape for you.’

Maura can hear Jane pouting through the phone, ‘but you’re my girlfriend and I’m just trying to keep you safe.’ Maura’s heart flutters.

‘I know, sweetie,’ Maura says softly, ‘I get it. But you can’t even connect the two things. Someone in Boston is asking questions that aren’t even threatening, just odd, and someone else in Virginia a whole 477 miles away came in to the clinic to see a doctor and had a child protective services claim filed. They aren’t even tangentially related.’

‘That’s not true Maura,’ Jane says, not quite angrily but defensively, ‘they are connected. _You_ connect them.’

Maura sighs, ‘you’re right I’m sorry.’

‘Thank you,’ Jane says, ‘and there’s something here. Okay? I can feel it. My gut is screaming it.’

‘Well I’m afraid you and your gut are going to have to work this one without me. I can’t help you this time,’ the realisation makes Maura sad. It was the first case they had worked separately since Maura had started her job as the Chief Medical Examiner. She supposed, on some level, she knew this day would come eventually. Law enforcement was as much a part of Jane’s DNA as forensics science was a part of Maura’s. It was inevitable that one or both of them would find their way to a case at some point. It was improbable to think they would work it together. ’I’m not the Chief Medical Examiner any more. I’m not part of the FBI. I’m a civilian medical doctor.’

‘Maura,’ Jane’s voice cracked with emotion. Maura could hear her breathing coming out in ragged draws. Maura wraps her arms around herself, as though she can block the sadness and loneliness from staying if she just held herself tight enough. She was willing to bet it would have worked if it had been Jane’s arms.

‘I’m here Jane,’ Maura whispers. She isn’t sure if its the right thing or if Jane will just wave it aside. She doesn’t know what to do because she’s not there and she wants to be. Maura here’s Jane shudder, then sniff. ‘I’m here sweetie,’ Maura whispers again.

‘I didn’t…’ Jane starts then falters, pausing to breath, ‘didn’t realise how much I…’ she stops again and Maura can tell she’s fighting tears, ‘I took you for granted.’

Maura smiles, her eyes glistening, ‘I took you for granted too.’

There’s an audible sniff and a harsh chuckle. ‘It doesn’t feel like real police work without you or Frost or Korsack.’ Maura doesn’t know what to say to that so she says nothing. ‘I guess if you’re just a civilian I probably shouldn’t be consulting with you either.’

‘No,’ Maura’s voice is soft, ‘you probably shouldn’t.’ They’re both quiet a moment.

‘So tomorrows your last day in San Francisco right?’ Jane asks, clearly trying to change the topic.

‘Yes,’ Maura answers, totally willing to go along with this subject change. ‘I have a short flight to LA and I’m there for two weeks.’

‘You’re meeting up with Hope and seeing Paddy next week?’ Jane asks. It isn’t exactly less of an emotional minefield but she supposes it is better than before and at least in this instance, she and Jane can help each other.

‘I am. Have any advice for me?’ Maura asks feeling suddenly nervous.

‘Advice on how to ask your biological mobster father his final wishes with your biological mother who only somewhat recently discovered you aren’t dead?’ Jane asks incredulously, ‘nope. No. Don’t have any advice for that.’

It makes Maura laugh, ‘you mean they don’t cover that particular scenario on Friendship day?’

‘Nope, must have missed it,’ Jane says teasingly. Her tone sobers a bit, ‘if I had to guess, I’d say this will be harder on Hope than Paddy. A man like that… death is an old friend. He won’t want or need much. But for Hope.’

Maura is suddenly stepping in to Hope’s shoes. Jane was intimately familiar with death. Her heart had stopped and Maura’s own hands had kept her blood pumping and oxygen in her lungs after she had shot herself to take out Bobby Marino. Jane was a simple woman. _She_ didn’t want much for her funeral. On the few occasions they talked about it, Jane had always said ‘whatever makes it easier on Ma.’ Jane was like Paddy. And Maura was like Hope. The thought of Jane dying, of Maura having to live on without her was excruciating. Maura placed a hand over her heart, willing herself to be calm. It wasn’t real. Jane was fine.

‘She must be hurting so badly,’ Maura whispers softly. ‘I don’t know what I’d do if you were terminally ill Jane. I don’t think I’d survive it.’

‘I know what you mean,’ Jane murmurers softly, ‘it destroys me thinking about it.’

‘And she’s living it,’ Maura murmurs in horror.

‘Yeah, she is,’ Jane says, ‘but it’s different too.’

‘How?’ Maura asks, not fully understanding.

‘Because they were star crossed, you know. They haven’t been _together_ since they were kids. We’re together. Committed.’ Jane says it like it should be simple and obvious.

‘I don’t think that means she loves him less,’ Maura says with a frown.

’No, definitely. Love is love and it hurts no matter what. It’s just…’ Jane pauses trying to think of a way to help Maura understand. ‘when you left for your tour… it took me time to figure out how to function. I was so used to having you here. I bought you almond milk and was putting it in the fridge before I realised it would be expired before you came home. I still don’t sleep on your side of the bed. There are still gaps in the closet for your clothes. It was like a million little holes reminding me that you were missing. Those were the things that hurt the most.’

‘So you’re saying that Hope doesn’t have a side of the bed?’ Maura asks, trying to piece it all together.

‘Yeah. At least she hasn’t in a long time. And her clothes don’t smell like his. And she doesn’t keep his preferred milk in the fridge like he’ll be home tomorrow.’ Jane sighs, ‘I guess what I’m saying is… Hope’s had time to adjust to his absence. It hurts but it’s probably like… arthritis. You know. An old chronic pain she knows. Where as losing you would be like getting shot. Sudden, overwhelming, shock inducing pain. You know?’

‘I guess,’ Maura replies, still a bit puzzled if she was being honest.

‘She’s still hurting though, honey,’ Jane offers, ‘so maybe call her a bit more or send her flowers. Just little things.’

‘Is that what you did for Angela when Frank was ill?’ Maura asks curious.

‘Yeah,’ Jane says, ‘kinda. It was different. But I did little things to try and keep her spirits up. Brought her favourite canoli, took her shopping, you know.’

‘And would you classify that as a typical mother daughter response?’ Maura’s brain was whirling.

‘Uh-‘ Jane says, ‘yeah. Sure. I guess. I just… did things I knew she’d like.’

‘The only things I know with certainty that Hope likes are being a doctor, her family, and Paddy.’ Maura is frowning, trying to recall any other specifics she may have missed.

‘Well,’ Jane says cheerily, ‘thats a good starting place. Take her out when she flies out. Bring her along to your interviews. Introduce her as your mother and let her see your world.’

‘I can do that,’ Maura says with some relief.

‘As to the rest, why not text Cailin. She can probably tell you all of Hope’s favourite things. You can send her something before she flies out.’ Jane says encouragingly.

That idea makes Maura feel nervous, ‘but what if she doesn’t like it? Or she thinks I’m taking advantage of our relationship. Crossing some boundary that any socially normal person would see immediately but I don’t because I’m socially inept?'

‘Honey,’ Jane’s voice is soft but Maura can hear the barest hint of teasing in it, ‘no one has boundaries around receiving unexpected gifts. Especially mothers. Even if you got her the ugliest, most obnoxious bouquet, that makes her sneeze horribly, she’ll still know that all you’re trying to do is tell her you love her and you’re there for her. She’ll appreciate it even if she hates it. Okay?’

Maura feels her stomach drop. ‘I certainly don’t want to trigger any hypersensitivities in her immune system. Do you think Cailin would be willing to help me?’

‘Sure,’ Jane says, ‘why not? She probably thinks its about time you started picking up some daughter duties.’

‘Jane,’ Maura says not sure if she quite believes her. It sounded like teasing.

‘I’m kidding,’ Jane says immediately, ‘but seriously, she has no reason to not help. Okay.’

‘Okay,’ Maura says, her head hurting. ‘Can we talk about something else now?’

‘Of course,’ Jane said. She immediately launched into a recap of a nature documentary she had been watching last night. It took Maura a few minutes to calm down but hearing Jane talk in vaguely inaccurate scientific terms had the habit of drawing Maura out. By the time they hung up, Jane had successfully made Maura feel better and Jane had a long lecture on the classification of animal phyla.

Maura hit the end button and immediately pulled up a text message. It took her a few attempts to type out a message that was sufficient. She read it over one more time: _‘Good evening Cailin. I hope your evening and studies are going well. I was wondering if you could tell me Hope’s favourite flowers and if she has a preferred favourite treat. Chocolates or pastries or otherwise. I would like to send her a gift but am uncertain as to what precisely to give her. I was hoping I could lean on her expertise to choose something pleasing for her. With love, Maura._ ’ Maura tried to read it through Cailin’s eyes but failed. She didn’t think it could be mis-interpreted. She reread it again, this time trying to think like Jane. It worked slightly better. Enough that Maura hit the send button.

It wasn’t even two minutes later before Cailin texted back. Maura shook her head at the response. Her agonising over her message had all been for naught. Her darling half sister had texted back two emojis. A waving hand and a thumbs up. Maura rolled her eyes and flopped back on her bed. Her phone chimed again. This time her sister had actually included words. _‘Cinnamon Rolls from somewhere local. No roses, they remind her of your funeral.’_ Cailin had followed that with a smilie face with x’s for eyes which was, Maura assumed, was intended to mimic the dead but was highly inaccurate. Corpses didn’t have x’s for eyes. Although, she supposed it could be a colloquial representation of sewing a corpses eyelids shut to keep the eyes from opening. Cailin followed that with, _‘I usually get her daisies but I know she’s in to orchids too. Hope this helps!’_

Maura smiled at her phone. She decided to be a bit brave. _‘You’re an odd one little sister but yes this helps! Thank you!’_

Cailin sent her back a GIF of a man wearing a horrible combination of a light blue short and a spotted ascot throwing confetti in the air with a look of absolute apathy on his face. Maura wasn’t sure what to say to that so she merely texted her goodnight.

It took Maura forty five minutes to find a suitable and local orchid for Hope and an additional fifteen minutes place an order for delivery to arrive on the same day as the orchid. Maura resolved to purchase and write a card tomorrow.

* * *

Cailin answered the knock at the door, her bedhead mostly contained in a messy bun, coffee cup in hand. A delivery person asked her to sign for a package, which she did while stifling a yawn. The woman at the door smiled at her and said something that sounded vaguely flirty before handing over what looked like a super expensive orchid with an exaggerated wink. Cailin thanked the woman and was walking the orchid back to the kitchen when there came another knock at the door.

‘I’ve got it, honey,’ her mother called from the stairwell.

‘Kay,’ Cailin called back. She sipped lazily at her coffee as she gave the plant a once over. The orchid was in a natural stone pot, tasteful but neutral. Cailin would guess it cost more than her textbooks alone but that was just because she knew Maura. The pot itself didn't scream opulence. The orchid itself was probably something rare, expensive and hard to find. Cailin would give herself bonus points if it was also locally sourced due to environmental concerns. Her mother would recognize it immediately. Porbably. To Cailin it just looked like a small orchid, it’s petals white with streaks of fuchsia.

‘Someone sent us cinnamon rolls,’ Hope said as she wandered in to the kitchen. Her eyebrows were knitted together but her mouth was turned up at the corners. Confused but pleased.

‘Yum,’ Cailin said sniffing the air as her mother opened a steaming box of cinnamon deliciousness, ‘two gifts in one day! Lucky you!’

‘Did you say two?’ Hope said looking at her. Cailin merely pointed at the orchid. Her mother’s mouth fell open, her jaw hanging down. Her fingers reached out to tenderly stroke the orchid’s leaf, ‘but who?’

Cailin grabbed one of the cinnamon rolls from her mother’s grasp and took a bite. Maura would send ridiculously expensive gifts and forget to include a card. Cailin shrugged and said with a still full mouth, ‘don’t know nothing.’

Her mother wasn’t paying attention to her anyways. Cailin set her coffee mug down and grabbed the phone out of her back pocket. She pulled out her camera and snapped a few surreptitious photos that she sent promptly to Maura with the words, _‘She loves them but you forgot the card, genius.’_ Cailin had never had a sibling to rib before but she thought she was getting the hang of it. 

She wasn’t surprised by Maura’s immediate response. Somehow, even with a book tour going on, Maura always made time to respond to her. It made Cailin feel special, important. She texted, _‘oh no. I knew I forgot something!’_

Cailin grinned, _‘want me to tell her or should I just tease her about her secret admirer?’_

‘Who are you texting?’ her mother asked setting a plate in front of Cailin for her cinnamon roll.

‘Maura,’ Cailin said taking another unruly bite.

 _‘What do I do?’_ Maura texted back, _‘do I just tell her?’_

Cailin sighed. Ribbing Maura when she was panicking was less fun. She supposed she should give some sisterly advice. _‘Just call and ask if she got them okay. No big deal.’_ Cailin could practically hear Maura’s thoughts from here: ‘that’s all. Just tell her?!’ Her sister was probably panicking. After all, how often did the great Doctor Isles forget things? Cailin sent her a follow up text, _‘just call her.’_

She smiled a moment later when she heard her mother’s phone ringtone playing the song Cailin had programmed for Maura. Her mother crossed the kitchen in a few steps and answered, ‘Maura? Hello, what a pleasant surprise.’

Cailin didn’t stick around. She figured her mom and her sister were starting to figure things out. It was slow going. They were both stubborn and socially awkward. But they were figuring it out. As far as Cailin was concerned, that was a good thing. After all, her mother needed every bit of extra joy she could find right now. She never really said much but Cailin knew that testifying against Paddy Doyle had been hard. Finding out he was sick was worse, somehow. Nothing was all that different. Her mother wasn’t breaking down or anything. It was just… harder to make her smile or laugh. Like a little bit of her light had been put out. It wasn't always there... just sometimes when she thought no one was looking. 

Cailin didn’t entirely get it but then she’d never been in love. Not like her mother and Paddy. And not like Jane and Maura. Personally, Cailin wasn’t sure she wanted to find that kind of love. The kind that made you lovesick. The kind that broke you in to pieces and scattered you to the winds. Cailin wanted to be a doctor. She wanted to help people the way her mother did, the way Maura did. She had a legacy to protect. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be side tracked by love. At least, not any time soon.

Cailin finished the last of her cinnamon roll and finished getting dressed. She found her mother still on the phone in the kitchen her eyes a bit wet. Cailin put her plate in the sink, kissed her mother’s cheek and spoke loudly enough for Maura to hear her. ‘I’ve gotta go to class but way to go Maura. You made Mom cry.’ She gave her mother a quick hug goodbye and headed out for the day, her biochemistry professor tended to lock the doors five minutes into their lab days so she really had to hurry. Plus she had an anatomy test to study for. All thoughts of love were promptly pushed away as she began running through the names and shapes of Polar and Nonpolar Amino Acids. Who needed love when she had alanine and leucine and serine and.... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this story has 15000 hits and honestly, I'm amazed. Thank you guys so much. I'm so blown away that you all want to go on this wild ride with me. Thank you so much for the read, for the comments and the kudos. Y'all are great!


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions abuse, cop thought processing, assassination, moral gray areas 
> 
> Also, this one is short. Struggling with the second part to this chapter so decided to post it seperately.

Jane pulled down the visor mirror and gave herself a once over there. She let her eyes roam over her own face looking for something she couldn’t quite discern. Her hair was always out of place. Make up wasn’t something Jane indulged in often, at the moment all she wore was lip balm. Jane sighed and snapped the visor closed. She was walking a tight rope with her investigation. She was an instructor. Not an agent and if anyone tried to reach her brass well… Jane didn’t want to think about that. Jane had defied orders before. It was part of her reputation: notoriously difficult to manage. She just hadn’t done it solo before. She usually had Korsack or Frost or Maura or, hell, even Frankie watching her back. Jane sort of doubted Agent Davies would do that much for her, even if they were friendly acquaintances. Jane let out a deep breath and said, ‘no more self pity Rizzoli. Maura’s life is on the line here.’

Jane felt a cool sense of calm wash over her as soon as she entered the police department. The sight of uniformed officers, putting her at ease. This was easy, she told herself. She belonged her, she owned every police department she had ever walked in. This was no exception. She greeted the officer at the desk with the flash of her FBI badge. ‘Agent Rizzoli. I need your assistance finding the lead case worker for this case file.’ She slid a note with the case file written on it over to the young woman.

‘Absolutely,’ the young woman said typing quickly on her computer. ‘The lead on this case is Officer Kiara Davis.’

‘Is she on duty?’ Jane asked, leaning casually on the desk.

‘Yes, she is,’ the woman confirmed.

‘In station?’

‘Yes ma’am.’

‘Great, I’m going to need to speak to her,’ Jane said with a smile.

‘Not a problem,’ the woman smiled back sweetly, ‘I just need to log your visit in.’

After a few minutes of basic admin things, the woman flagged another uniform who took her to the squad room and sat her at a desk with ‘Officer Davis’ on the name plague, promising Officer Davis would be back shortly.

Jane tapped her fingers and watched the hustle and bustle of the station. So different from BPD and yet so similar. It was invigorating. Even if her presence was disrupting the flow of the room, uniforms asking who the suit is. She ignored them and tried to guess who Davis might be instead.

She was not expecting a barely 5 foot black woman with braided hair that seemed to end in gold when the light hit her right. The woman was maybe a hundred pounds and the wrinkles on her face told Jane she might be quick to laugh but she wasn’t a rookie either. Jane liked her immediately. It took guts to make a career of policing as a black woman. Her toughness was confirmed when she asked with barely concealed venom, ’what do you want suit?’

Jane grinned like a wolf. ‘The suits new. Spent most my time on the force in Boston so we don’t have to pretend you like me.’

The woman looked her up and down, taking in Jane’s appearance. At last she shrugged, ‘you aren’t here as a cop from Boston are you though?’

Jane chuckled, ‘no I’m not. I’m definitely here as a suit.’

‘Badge?’ Davis asked.

Jane produced the requested item, showing it to the woman. ‘I have some questions about a case you worked recently.’

‘Mmmhmm and questions will turn in to copies of your files which will turn in to jurisdiction issues which will turn in to oops we booked your arrest, so sorry.’ Davis said. ‘What case?’

‘There won’t be jurisdiction issues here. I’m working a hunch. Brass won’t even consider it.’ It was a lie of omission. Jane hadn’t even talked to her bosses, mostly because they would have told her to drop it because she was too involved, drop it because she wasn’t a case worker, drop it because it wasn’t a federal matter. They were right, of course. ‘I have the case number here.’ She slid her paper over.

Davis side eyed the number before looking at her. ‘What does the FBI want with a welfare check?’

Jane considered the woman for a minute. She would smell an outright lie a mile away. Half truths would have to do then. ‘There’s a national figure receiving threats. Threats that have been traced to Boston, specifically.’

‘This is Virginia,’ Davis said, eyes narrowing slightly.

‘I’m aware. Which is why the bosses think my hunch is worthless. But Boston is this figures part time home. The other part of her time is spent here in Virginia. The higher ups think its got to do with her national work and general celebrity. I thought, and think, maybe its more local. She’s a volunteer doctor at a local clinic. I had a few helpful anonymous tips that lead me to this case file.’ Jane paused to take a breath, ‘I won’t lie to you Davis. I don’t have warrants and I can’t force you to help me out here but my cop instincts are telling me that this is personal, not celebrity. If my sources think this case and this case specifically is the problem then I’d like to run it down.’

Davis was silent for a few moments as she looked at Jane. Her eyes searching for something that, Jane would guess, looked like a lie. Finally, having detected none she said, ‘so you’re going off script and asking me to come with?’

Jane winced. That was the crux of it. ‘Of course, I’ll do everything I can to accept full and total responsibility but I can’t promise that you won’t face consequences.’

‘I can’t give you my file or a copy of it,’ Davis warned, ‘but we do have a couple of bolos out. Those are inter-departmental and theres no reason I can’t share that information with you.’

Jane grinned, ‘that would help a lot.’

Davis began the process of printing the information for Jane, ‘I will also tell you, so far we haven’t gotten much back. One has been completely silent. The other sold their car and, as far as we can tell, haven’t bought another one. So it’s not much to go on.’

‘I’ll take anything,’ Jane says, the picture of gratitude.

‘Be right back,’ Davis said. When she returned she handed a small file of paperwork to Jane. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me _Agent_ I need to get back to it.’

Jane knew a dismissal when she heard one and she knew better than to try and pursue her case there. Plausible deniability was the name of the game, after all.

Once she was safely back at her office, Jane opened the file and began perusing it. Vincent and Mia Russo. The bolos were for the cars. Mia’s bolo was for a blue sedan headed west. with two young children. Vincent Russo’s was for his truck. Jane saw it’s sale date and then silence. Jane looked at the few negative hits. None of them yielding anything relevant. Jane runs her hand through her hair, staring at her wall willing the picture to form.

Mia was running. That was Jane’s first thought. Probably from her husband. She left one kid with Maura because the kid was too hurt to make the run. Maybe that’s what broke her. Made her want to leave. So she packed up her other two kids and left. West. Jane privately hoped that she would make it to the coast and never looked back. So that made Vincent Jane’s suspect. Vincent Russo. Jane ran the name over in her mind. Vincent Russo, white pick up, abusive. Maura had reported Vincent. That made him angry. Possessive. He can’t find his wife so he turns to the next woman he thinks of: Maura. It made sense.

Jane stood and began pacing the narrow carpet space in her office. So Russo holds a grudge and decides he wants to do something about it. He does a quick search, realises Maura has a whole life in Boston, and then what? Starts asking random street people about it? There was something missing there. Something she didn’t know about Vincent Russo. Some missing piece. Some reason the guy was more comfortable in the underbelly of Boston than on the internet. After all, anything Russo found from one of Rondo’s street pals could have been found online. That made Jane’s stomach churn. Jane could only think of a handful of reasons someone wouldn’t want to go online and 34 was too young to be out of touch. Everything else had to do anonymity and lack of paper trails which meant it was at least a bit hinky. Worse, Vincent seemed to have successfully disappeared. No car, no boss, no trace, not even a hint. Except for someone talking to Rondo’s CI’s.

Jane grabbed her phone and found her brother’s contact. It rang twice before he answered, ‘Rizzoli.’

‘Frankie!’

‘Oh, hey Janie,’ Frankie said cheerily, ‘hows it going?’

‘I think I have a lead for you. The state of Virginia put out a couple of bolos a few weeks ago. One of them is a domestic abuser. I think he’s targeting Maura for reporting it.’

‘Okay, send them over. We’ll see if we can work them from our end,’ Frankie said.

‘How did your talk with Rondo’s CI go?’ Jane asked.

‘Decent. We got a sketch. Running it through facial but since he had a hokies sticker on his car we don’t think we’re gonna get a hit in our system.’ Frankie said.

‘Hokie? Like Virginia Tech?’ Jane asked feeling angry that Frankie hadn’t mentioned that first. ‘Frankie why didn’t you say something.’

‘I just did,’ Frankie said sounding confused.

‘Sooner Frankie. Sooner.’ Jane knew she was snapping but she couldn’t help it. It wasn’t enough for a court order or even an arrest but the pattern was there. Jane could almost see it. She was on the right track, she just knew it. All she had to do was find Russo before he found Maura. ‘There’s something there Frankie and I’m gonna find it.’

Frankie sighed. He was used to his sister’s case breaking attitude. ‘I’ll send you the digital interview, okay Janie. Maybe you’ll hear something Nina and I didn’t.’

For a moment, just a moment, Jane felt a flash of guilt. ‘Hey, I’m sure you guys did great,’ Jane offers.

‘I know Janie,’ Frankie said, ‘but it’s Maura. I get it.’

‘Thanks Frankie,’ Jane said quietly.

‘You got it. Send those bolos over, okay.’

Jane hung up. She paced her office floor once, twice, three times. Did she tell Doyle and put what amounted to a hit on Russo or did she leave Paddy in the dark? It was a little like tying his hands when it came to protecting Maura but did she know enough to condemn a man to die? What if she was wrong about Russo? What if he was just your standard abuser? What if Jane had it wrong and Mia was the abuser? Jane sighed. She couldn’t condemn a man to die without all the facts. She pocketed her phone. Maybe it was for the best. If she was focused on Russo, Paddy could focus on the rest, catch anything trying to slipping through the cracks. Between the two of them, they’d get Maura home safely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of things. 
> 
> 1\. If you're USA based and you're eligible and haven't already, please vote. Hope and decency and health and so much more is on the ballot this year. So please, please, please help us get out of the dumpster fire of 2020 by voting. And rememeber, if you're asked to leave a voting place you can always ask for a provisional ballot! 
> 
> 2\. Because the US election is tomorrow and depending on the outcome and how stressed I am, it may be a VERY light posting week. Or VERY heavy. Depending on how I feel. There is also this pesky blizzard thing happening in my area that's made the power/internet very sketch so there's that too. 
> 
> 3\. I wanted you all to know my small child turned THREE this weekend! Wild! 
> 
> 4\. I shoveled a fork ton of snow (my fit bit track 7.5 miles) today and my arms are dead.
> 
> HAPPY NOVEMBER. VOTE.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this while in line to vote, cheers! Thanks for doing your part! 
> 
> This is part two of what was supposed to be yesterdays post and has become todays post!

Hope’s eyes scanned the airport looking for her eldest daughter. Hope had flown through LAX on exactly 3 occasions and each time she had promised to never do so again. This time, she felt slightly less horrible as she was meeting Maura. Hope oscillated between excitement at spending some quality time with her daughter and abject grief over Paddy’s illness to utter rage at the fact that she had missed Maura’s entire life because of Paddy. It was exhausting and overwhelming and slightly debilitating. If Hope stayed still too long or thought about it too hard, she suffered from shortness of breath, a constriction of the pectoral muscles and xerostomia. So she tried not to think of it and instead sought out a honey blonde head and perfect hazel eyes through the crowds.

Maura spotted her first, waving slightly and wearing a reserved but polite smile. Hope knew it wasn’t the smile she would have given Jane. Hope knew it probably wasn’t the smile she would have given Cailin. Hope would have felt jealous but a very small and slightly petty part of herself thought it might just be the same kind of smile she would have given Constance and that was more satisfying than it ought to have been.

‘Hello Mother,’ Maura replied with a small hesitant quirk of her lips. It was odd, disconcerting, to hear that word from Maura’s mouth and Hope prayed she never stopped saying it. ‘How was your flight?’

‘It was a bit of a terror,’ Hope said with a smile, ’turbulence had us pinned in our seats for most of the flight but it was nothing like landing in some of those air fields in Africa.’

‘Did you ever fly through N’Djamena?’ Maura asked.

Hope shuddered, ‘once. Never again.’

Maura laughed and Hope beamed. ‘I parked the car, did you check a bag?’

‘Nope,’ Hope patted her carry on, ‘I travel light.’

Maura took the handle of her suit case and began to lead them through the bustling airport. ‘I spoke to the hotel and asked that they change my room to add a second bed. I know you were planning to rent your own room but I figured since I already had one and my request was easily accommodated that we could stay together.’ Hope looked side ways at her eldest daughter as they walked. Her cheeks had a light blush as though she were nervous. ‘That is, if you want. I thought it would be nice but I, of course, understand if that would be awkward or uncomfortable.’

Hope smiled at her daughter, ‘that sounds nice, though I must warn you, Cailin says I snore.’

‘You do?’ Maura asks stopping to look at her mother, ‘is it hereditary?’

Hope shook her head, ‘I broke my nose when I was maybe 10. My father was trying to teach me how to play baseball. He told me to hold my glove like so,’ Hope pantomimed holding a glove, ‘he told me to keep my eyes on the ball and he would put it in the glove. I had the misfortune of not understanding how far away to hold my glove nor how accurate my father would throw. It was likely a simple hairline fracture but since I’ve found I make a faint buzzing sound when I sleep.’ Hope touched the edge of the ridge of her nose self-consciously.

‘Does it still hurt? Jane had a hairline nose fracture and hers still hurts when she sneezes.’ Maura asked quirking her head to the side. Hope recognised some of what was in that look. It was her daughter’s Doctor Isles face.

Hope smiled, they had made it four whole minutes without talking about Jane. ’Only when it is jostled,’ Hope said teasingly.

Apparently satisfied, Maura began walking once more, ‘I find it strange that there are things I hardly know about you.’

Hope felt a psychosomatic pang in her heart. She followed her daughter mutely in to the thankfully empty elevator. ‘I know every thing there is to know about Cailin. Every injury, every scar, every heart break. I knew her favourite lullaby, her favourite colours, I knew her favourite sport, favourite book. I know every Halloween costume, every Christmas present.’

Maura looked at her with what Hope _wanted_ to think was longing. ’That’s very sweet,’ Maura said demurely. ‘I’m afraid, I’m only beginning to get to know both of my mothers.’

Hope paused, considering the impact of her words. She never quite knew what helped and what hurt and she was tired of hurting Maura. At last and at barely a whisper she murmured, ‘I wish I knew those things about you Maura.’ Maura said nothing. She didn’t even look at Hope but Hope could see the wetness of her eyes. With a tiny breath and all of her courage, Hope seized her daughters hand and gave it a soft squeeze. When Maura did not respond Hope pulled her hand away. It didn’t feel like rejection, exactly, just odd. Odd like a thousand other tiny moments that defined their relationship.

‘You do know some of my scars,’ Maura said at last as they walked through a relatively quiet parking garage.

’15.6 centimetres on your left oblique,’ Hope filled in automatically, ‘and a 6.5 centimetre laceration on your forehead.’ Maura smiled at her, Hope smiled back. The scar on her eldest daughter matched the one on her youngest, it had saved her life. The one on Maura’s forehead, Hope had cleaned and cared for, even when Maura didn’t really need the help. They were the most meaningful gifts Hope had ever received.Maybe it wasn’t the same but Hope felt so much raw affection for those scars that it was hard to be upset for missing any others.

‘Have you ever broken any other bones?’ Maura asked as she loaded Hope’s suit case in to her rental car.

‘A fractured wrist. I was in some remote Thai villages kicking around a ball of rags with the kids, I fell and landed the wrong way. I had to sling it myself as I was the only doctor in the area,’ Hope smiled, ‘nothing else.’

Maura nodded, ‘I broke a few bones in my feet as a child when I rode horses.’

‘You rode horses?’ Hope asked. She had ridden a few but she was far more comfortable on camelback.

‘Dressage,’ Maura affirmed as they navigated their way out of the airport and on to the streets of LA. ‘I’m afraid we won’t have time to drop off your suitcase before my interview, I hope that’s acceptable. If not, I’m certain I could find someone to run it to the hotel for you.’ She drummed the steering wheel nervously.

‘That’s quite alright. Tell me about your next interview,’ Hope asked genuinely curious.

‘It’s for a show called Hot Ones and, apparently,’ Maura said as she merged lanes, ‘it requires me to answer questions while eating hot wings.’

Hope stared at her daughter before laughing, ‘is that normal?’

‘Not at all,’ Maura said, her eyebrows furrowing, ‘I’ve never had to eat anything on any of my other interviews but my editor assures me that its very popular.’

‘How do you do with spice?’ Hope asked with a teasing grin on her face.

‘Better than Jane,’ Maura said with the silly smile she always wore when referencing Jane, ‘I survived India and South Africa alright.’

‘Does Jane not do well with spicy foods?’ Hope was curious. Jane Rizzoli always came off as such a tough human, it was amusing to think spicy food could best the fierce woman.

Maura laughed, ‘the spiciest she gets is siracha. She always says,’ Maura’s voice went deeper and raspier in what was a very amusing imitation of Jane’s ‘Italians do actual spices, not spicy.’ Hope laughed and Maura looked pleased to have gotten that reaction. ‘So,’ Maura asked, ‘do you like spicy food?’

‘I do,’ Hope said with a smile, ‘though it is admittedly a learned trait. People would bring food to the clinic as a way of thanking us for the work we did. It would be rude to refuse so over time I grew accustomed to varying degrees of spice.’

Maura sent a small smile her way, ‘I had a very similar introduction.’ Hope smiled back, pleased to share another small thing with her eldest daughter. ‘I was hoping after the interviewI could take you out to dinner, my treat.’ Hope saw the shy smile on her face the way she studiously avoided meeting Hope’s eyes.

‘I’d love that,’ Hope said, trying to show her daughter how true that sentiment was with a large smile.

‘I made reservations for 7 pm,’ Maura said, still shy but sounding more confident.

‘I’ll be ready,’ Hope said with a smile.

Maura smiled at her then, ‘I also wanted to suggest that we avoid talking about Paddy tonight. We’ll have plenty of time over breakfast tomorrow. I kind of wanted tonight to be just us. I want to get to know you better.’

Hope’s throat grew tight and her eyes were watery, ‘that sounds lovely.’

The car was quiet the rest of the way. Hope suspected they both were feeling overwhelmed by their emotions. She didn’t mind the silence. It gave her time to sort herself out. Once there, Maura was whisked quickly away, into a mob of hair and make up artists. Hope watched her interview from the sidelines, feeling the same soaring sensation of pride she had felt for so many of Cailin’s accomplishments. It turns out, a mothers pride was the same at 5 or at 45. She beamed when Maura finished the last wing with what the host called ‘the last dab’ which was extra sauce on the wing. Maura had downed every wing, struggling with only one hot sauce which had made her eyes water and her nose run as she complained about it being chemically engineered torture.

Hope beamed when Maura walked over to her, offering a wordless hug to her eldest daughter. Hope’s smile grew when Maura returned the hug, hiding from the world in Hope’s arms. For a moment Hope felt she was every bit the mother she wanted to be for Maura. Then Maura pulled back and they both blushed. ‘You did wonderfully Maura,’ Hope offered as a kind of acknowledgement.

Maura nodded, ‘thank you, I’ll go gather my things.’ Hope sighed at her daughter’s retreating back. Brick by brick, Hope told herself. They were building this relationship brick by brick. It just took time.

Hope was grateful when they arrived at the hotel. She was even more grateful when Maura told her dinner was within walking distance so they would not have to sit in more LA traffic. The pair settled in to while away a few hours before dinner. Hope beamed when Maura settled on the couch across from her, a medical journal in her hands. She smiled softly at Maura even as she turned her own attention to an article she was peer reviewing. This was something they could do, easily. Hope was surprised, when an hour in, Maura shifted, pulling her legs up on the couch and settling in, her shins pressed close to Hope’s side. Hope lay a gentle hand on Maura’s calf but did not look up. She didn’t want to startle Maura out of whatever new comfort bubble they had entered. Hope hear rather than saw Maura relax with a deep breath out. Hope was vaguely disappointed when the time came to get ready for dinner. It wasn’t quite snuggling but it had been familiar and rewarding all the same. Hope was loath to let that sentiment lapse. Maura seemed equally reluctant to move. Or perhaps she was simply lost in her journal. Hope couldn’t quite tell.

The women danced around each other getting ready but managed to leave the hotel by 6:45, walking at an amiable pace to the restaurant. Maura pointed out little things as they passed, as keen to share her information as Hope was to receive it. Hope loved that her daughter was what Cailin would call a nerd. That Maura loved learning as much as Hope didwas pleasing. The host sat them quickly at a relatively quiet table near the back, returning quickly with a bottle of wine and they passed the evening in quiet, pleasant conversation.

Hope learned more about Maura’s adoptive family, Maura even regaled her with a few teenage Maura stories. Some of them were so achingly like Cailin that Hope had to mentally stop herself from comparing the girls. Some of them were entirely Maura, some strange combination of brilliant and socially awkward. One, a story of about fending off a group of boys chasing a dog, reminded Hope of Paddy but Hope kept that to herself. Hope told Maura about her parents. How they had died in a car crash when Hope was 16, leaving her with a small inheritance at a pivotal moment in her life with no direction. She told Maura about her mother, Dorothea, and how she loved to cook and play piano. How her father had encouraged her love of science and her dream of becoming a doctor. They compared their stories of travel and their experiences working as doctors internationally as they shared a dessert. Hope couldn’t stop smiling on their walk home. This trip was going to be hard in many ways but if it let her know her daughter better Hope would make this trip a thousand times over and judging by the smile on Maura’s face, maybe she would too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Hot Ones' with Sean Evans is my SO's absolute favorite interview show so this one is sorta dedicated to them! If you want to check it out, I highly recommend the Trevor Noah or Kristin Bell interviews! 
> 
> I sort of love the idea that Jane can't handle her spice but Maura is a badass about it. I also legitimately couldn't remember if Maura canonically rode horses and worked internationally as a doctor or if I've just read too many of other peoples fanfictions but I sort of love that headcanoon so I went with it. 
> 
> I also couldn't remember if Paddy said who Maura was named after but in my head, there's no way Hope's parents let Hope go through Paddy, pregnancy and baby loss alone without a serious reason for it so in my head they died before Hope and Paddy meet. This helps explain why a relatively normal human would be drawn to Paddy, a known mobster, and would get involved and fall in love. So there's that.
> 
> ALSO I've written and you've all read 100,000+ words. That's like a novel y'all. So thanks for reading this beheamoth!


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, jail visit, adoption processing.

Maura watches Hope as she paces in the parking lot outside of the prison. Hope is all grief, anger and agitation. She practically pulses with nervous energy, her hands shake and her eyes take large sweeping glances at the barbed wire fences in front of them. They’re due in 3 and a half minutes. Hope had been pacing for 13.2 minutes. It reminded Maura of Jane only, if Jane were here, Maura would stop her by wrapping her arms around Jane’s waist and nuzzling her neck. With Hope, Maura was out of her depths. She had tried to say something rational. Hope had smiled at her wryly and promptly resumed pacing. At last Maura had settled for leaning against the hood of the rental and watching.

If only she would say something, Maura thought. If Hope would just talk to her maybe Maura could come up with a response that would comfort her mother. As Hope made another pass, Maura struggled not to release a sigh. Jane would know what to do. Cailin would know what to do. Maura though? Maura was better with the dead than the living. Maura looked at her watch once more. 1.8 minutes.

‘Hope?’ Maura ventures softly, ‘we should go in.’

Hope stops, staring off in to the distance. Maura thinks, maybe, she’s broken her. Instead, her mother nods once, resolutely and turns towards the entrance. Maura follows quietly after, afraid to disrupt whatever strength was propelling Hope forward. At the first guard station, the guard asked for their ID’s and information. Hope dug out her ID, her face pale. Maura decided to go ahead and do the speaking.

‘Doctor Hope Martin,’ Maura gestured to her mother then to herself, ‘Doctor Maura Isles, here for a visit with Patrick Doyle. It should be pre-arranged by Agent Cameron Dean.’ Maura couldn’t quite bring herself to call if a family visit.

The guard grunted, logging both ID’s in to the system. He rattled off a list of procedures then requested they pass over their jackets and purses. Maura nodded and thanked the man. She slipped off her watch, putting it in her purse, then she handed over her purse. Then she shrugged off her jacket and passed that over, leaving her with only her phone. When Maura turned to Hope she saw that the woman still hadn’t moved. Maura took Hope’s purse with a gentle tug, settling her ID in her wallet before passing it over. Then she helped Hope pull off her own jacket and passed that over. The guard handed them two item slips then gestured them through the first metal detector to the left of the desk. Maura guided Hope with a gentle but firm hand to her lower back.

The guard on the other side of the desk explained she was going to do a pat down, to which Maura nodded. She went first then gave Hope an encouraging nod. The woman passed Hope and Maura along through another gate where a third officer lead them through a series of corridors to a room. It wasn’t terribly comfortable. It had a table at the centre that was bolted to the ground and benches on either side that were bolted to the ground. On the walls were posters with listed rules. Maura guided Hope to sit down, she took one of Hope’s hands in her own and offered her mother what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

Maura felt it was an eternity and yet no time at all before a guard knocked on the door and escorted in a hand cuffed Paddy Doyle Jr. Hope gasped, her fingers tightening painfully around Maura’s. Maura didn’t blame her. Paddy didn’t look good. His broad shoulders and strong musculature had diminished significantly. His cheeks were hollow, his eyes ringed in dark circles. His face was rosy, his breathing ragged though Maura doubted he had come from vigorous exercise. Still, when he entered, his eyes lit up as though he was drinking them in. They didn’t stray even as the guard undid his cuffs and warned him to behave. The guard promised to be just outside, Maura nodded her thanks and watched Paddy as he deliberately and slowly stepped towards them.

‘My girls,’ Paddy whispered, his voice harsh, ‘my beautiful girls.’

Maura took the man in, his obvious illness, the obvious affection in his voice. Maybe, Maura should have felt torn. Or broken. But all Maura could feel was concern, not for Paddy but for Hope. A glance over at her mother, was all she needed to know that Hope was not doing well.

Hope’s lips were thin, tears streamed from her eyes unnoticed by Hope herself. Her skin, which had been pale was positively ashen now. Maura rubbed a thumb softly over Hope’s hand. Hope’s eyes remained glued to Paddy, watching him as he shuffled awkwardly to the bench across from them and settled in to his seat.

‘Hope,’ Paddy said, his hands reaching for hers instinctively. Hope didn’t so much as twitch, merely stared at those empty hands coming towards her. ‘My love,’ Paddy whispered again, this time the sound was pleading.

Maura barely heard the soft gasp that came from Hope’s lips. ‘Don’t,’ she whispered.

Maura watched Hope’s eyes squeeze shut and she felt a tug on her heart. Maura looked at Paddy, warning him to back off.

‘Don’t you dare call me that.’ Hope’s voice was soft and harsh.

‘Hope,’ Paddy whimpered as though it was the only thing he had to grasp on to.

‘You don’t love me. You could never have loved me.’ Hope’s anger lashed out at Paddy.

‘Of course I did,’ Paddy whispered back, shrinking under her anger, ‘I love you more than anything.’

‘If you loved me, you would have left this life. You would have left with me. You would have found a way,’ Hope accused, ‘love doesn’t watch from afar. It doesn’t send you money and put you in the middle of a money laundering scheme. It doesn’t steal your child away and tell you she’s died. It doesn’t leave you broken and alone in the death of your baby wondering how you’ll survive. You have never known what love is.’

Paddy’s mouth hung open, the hurt on his face obvious. When he spoke it was defensive, ‘I had to protect you both. My father would have killed you. Both of you. I didn’t have a choice.’

‘You didn’t have a choice?’ Hope’s voice was a steely whispered shout. ‘You could have talked to _me.’_ Hope patted her chest in her anger, ‘ _we_ could have handled it. Could have put her up for adoption together. Could have found a solution. You _stole_ her from me.’ Hope gestured toward Maura now. ‘You stole her from me. I didn’t get to nurse her, to hold her, to change her diapers, to sing her lullabies. I didn’t get to kiss her boo-boos or see her learn how to walk or ride a bike. I didn’t get to take her to her first day of school. I didn’t get to help her through her first heartbreak or watch her graduate. I didn’t get to watch her grow up to be a doctor. And that is all your fault Patrick Doyle. So _don’t you dare_ tell me you love me. You _stole_ my baby from me. Her whole life.’

Maura could feel Hope shaking next to her, could feel the anger thrumming through her. She could see the hurt and shock on Paddy’s face.

Maura wrapped an arm softly around Hope’s shoulders, guessing more than anything else, that the physical contact would help. ‘Hope,’ Maura murmured, ‘it’s okay. I’m right here.’

Hope turned to look at her, fury and anguish in her eyes. She all but collapsed side ways in to Maura’s arms, causing Maura’s eyes to pop open in surprise. Giant droplets of water poured on to Maura’s shoulders and Hope’s hands grabbed tightly to Maura as though she was afraid of losing Maura again. ‘I lost you,’ Hope whispered heatedly, ‘I can’t lose you.’

Maura held back tightly, her throat tightening. ‘I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.’ Maura shot a look of pure ice at Paddy. It was an old wound, an old grievance but Maura was caught up in the freshness of Hope’s pain, pain that Paddy Doyle had caused them all.

‘Hope?’ Paddy whispered.

‘Don’t,’ Maura cut him off, ‘you don’t get to talk to her.’ Maura held on to Hope as though she were trying to protect her mother from anything else Paddy might say or do. ‘You lost that right so long ago.’

Paddy dropped his head in to his hands, tears over flowing. ‘I can’t make up for the past Maura but you have to know, I do love you. Both of you. So much.’

‘I think you love the idea of us. You never gave any of us the chance to love each other,’ Maura spat back, feeling the venom in her own words.

Paddy gulped, ‘I… you’re right.’

‘I’m not here to start a relationship with you Doyle,’ Maura said, her voice falling naturally in to her perfected tone of cool indifference, ‘I just need to know if you prefer to be cremated or buried.’

Maura saw the hurt flash across his face. ‘I’m your father Maura,’ the man said raggedly. Maura felt Hope flinch in her arms.

Maura shook her head, ‘you are a biological contributor to my DNA. Nothing more.’

Paddy nodded stiffly, ‘you’re entitled to feel that way but you’re my kid whether you like it or not. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing will ever change my love for both of you.’ Paddy stood to leave then. ‘Cremation is cheaper. Throw my ashes on a pile of horse shit. I don’t care.’ He tapped on the door for the guard.

Maura watched the guard put the cuffs on and escort the man she shared half her genetic make up with out the door. She took her own steady breath before returning her attention to Hope.

‘Hope?’ Maura whispered, ‘are you alright?’

Hope shook her head but she pulled away from Maura anyways. Maura frowned at that. She wasn’t sure she wanted Hope to say whatever it was she was going to say without support. ‘I love him so much it hurts,’ Hope whispers, ‘but every time I think about what he did, about how I lost you, I get so angry.’

‘Rightfully so,’ Maura replied,‘I get angry too.’

‘That was the last time I will probably ever see my soul mate…’ Hope whispered, her voice sounding jagged and broken.

Maura didn’t have a response for that. She pulled Hope in to another hug and held her. Hope sobbed in to her arms. Maura rubbed softly at her back until the sobs subsided. When Hope pulled away, Maura smiled softly. ‘Come on, let’s go get cinnamon rolls,’ Maura tugged softly at Hope’s hand.

Hope nodded and allowed herself to be pulled away from the room, back through a plethora of gates, back to their things and finally to the car. Maura guided the car back to the freeway and away from Paddy. When they were well away from the penitentiary, Maura peaked over at Hope.

‘I’m okay,’ Hope said softly, sounding as though she was reassuring herself as much as she was Maura.

‘You are?’ Maura asked surprised, ‘because it’s okay to not be.’

Hope let out a strangled sort of sound from her throat, ‘I know. I just… I meant I’m okay right now.’

‘Okay,’ Maura responded, trying not to let her doubts through.

‘I’m sorry I fell apart back there,’ Hope said, ‘I was supposed to be the one comforting you.’

‘It’s okay,’ Maura replied softly, ‘I think in some ways you did.’

‘Yes,’ Hope said dryly, ‘me crying in your arms is terribly comforting.’

Maura flinched, willing the sarcasm to not hurt. She had Jane after all, she should be immune to sarcasm.

‘I’m sorry Maura,’ Hope said looking properly guilty, ‘I shouldn’t have said that.’

‘I’ve always known I was adopted,’ Maura began, ‘and I used to make up the reasons for why. My biological parents died in a car crash or fighting over seas or as top secret spies working for our government. My mother refused to tell me anything more about my adoption and so I used my imagination but as I got older and my peers ostracised me more and more I couldn’t help but think that I was given up for adoption because I wasn’t wanted. That my biological parents knew who I was to become and decided to get rid of me. It was foolish, likely the result of decreased serotonin creation as a result of teenage depression but I never had any proof to the contrary.’

‘Maura,’ Hope whispered.

‘Then I met Paddy. He showed me photos of me that he kept in his wallet. He told me that he always kept an eye on me. It was unnerving. Not at all the reassurance I was wanting but it felt a little like being wanted. Then when we met….’ Maura trailed off, her throat tight, ‘I was so afraid that you didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t want me. I was terrified to meet you. Terrified to tell you.’

‘I didn’t exactly have the best response,’ Hope whispered.

‘I don’t know if there’s a good response to finding out your kids not dead, just kidnapped and forty years older,’ Maura replied softly with a shrug. Maura pulled in to a parking lot, putting the car in park and turning off the ignition. She turned to look at Hope more fully. ‘I’ve spent my whole life,’ Maura’s voice broke with emotion, ‘wanting to be wanted by you Hope. My whole life. And seeing you in there… I realised how much you did want me. You wanted me.’

‘Maura,’ Hope whispered. She reached out and brushed one of Maura’s tears with a gentle thumb, ‘I wanted you more than anything. I spent my whole life aching for you baby girl, wishing you were there.’

‘I’m here now,’ Maura whispered, feeling an overwhelming number of emotions.

‘You are,’ Hope said with a nod, ‘and you’re everything I could have hoped for in a daughter and so much more.’ Hope leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Maura’s forehead. ‘I love you so much Maura. I’m so glad you found me.’

‘I’m glad I found you too,’ Maura whispered as she held tightly on to Hope.

When their emotions had settled, Hope gave Maura’s hands a squeeze, ‘cinnamon rolls?’ She smiled brightly at Maura.

‘That sounds lovely, Mother,’ Maura said with a shy smile in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woke to Biden taking the lead this morning and finally felt the fog of this week lift. Figured I would post before I return to my borderline obsessive news following. 
> 
> I apologise if my election emotions bled in to this chapter but I think, maybe, it added to it. I dunno. Also protective Maura is my favorite.
> 
> Finally, if you're in Georgia and you voted, please confirm that your ballot counted. You can correct any errors up until TONIGHT. Thanks y'all!


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some post election fluff. This chapter was written while listening to 'Higher Love' by Kygo and Whitney Houston from last nights acceptance speech.

Paddy walked slowly after the guard escorting him. He had left his heart behind him in that visitation room. Hope, his sweet Hope, hated him. He didn’t blame her. He deserved it. He just hadn’t expected it to hurt so much. His Hope. His beautiful Hope. Paddy never believed in soul mates before he met Hope. He had spent most of his life feeling like he was walking around with his heart outside of his chest. He’d given it all to Hope. And she had loved him in return. Even when he couldn’t escape the family business. Even after she believe Maura had died. She had tended him, loved him, shown him grace and mercy and every virtue in the world. She was his angel. Walking away from her sobbing form had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. Only knowing Maura was there had made him do it. He might not have been close to Maura but Paddy knew, Maura would find a way. After all, she was Hope’s daughter. She had all the best traits of her mother.

Maybe he’d been wrong, all those years ago. Maybe they could have made a go of it. Been a family. Maybe he should have given them a chance. But then Hope would never have her clinic or Cailin. He never would have had Collin. And Maura? She would have been a baby wanted by the whole Irish mob. Providence set them on their path and hard as it might have been, Paddy could do nothing to change it now.

Paddy listened as the gate closed behind him, locking him in his cell. He rubbed at his wrists where the guard had just removed the handcuffs. They weren’t chaffed, just aching. He felt every bit of his age today. An envelope sat on his cot. Paddy grabbed it, opening it with shaking fingers.

> _Mr. Doyle,_
> 
> _Given the circumstances of your health, the location of your next of kin, and your ongoing cooperation with Agent Dean and the Federal Bureau of Investigations, we have decided to grant your relocation request. Your transfer to a Massachusetts based prison will occur no later than November 14th. If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to our department at…._

Paddy smiled, skimming the rest of the information. It was a step forward. He’d be closer to where his family needed him soon. Even if they didn’t want him. Paddy wasn’t going to fail them now. Maybe they would never accept his love but Paddy did love them and he’d show them the only way he knew how. Paddy laid down on his bunk, letter clutched to his chest and drifted off wearing a smile. He was going home.

* * *

Maura peaked in through the door way between the bedroom and the rest of the hotel suite. Hope was still sound asleep, a soft buzzing filling the room. Maura smiled before quietly shutting the door. It had been a tough day, the pair of them oscillating between calm and a torrent of other emotions. Maura was glad when Hope decided to take a nap. Her mother had looked worn down. Maura’s phone rang just as she was settling on to the couch. One glance at it made Maura smile.

‘Hello love,’ Maura answered softly.

‘Hey Maur,’ Jane whispered back, ‘how are you doing?’

‘I’m okay. Hope is asleep in the other room.’ Maura kept her voice deliberately soft.

‘Hence the whispering,’ Jane whispered back.

‘Well,’ Maura said with amusement, ‘ _you_ don’t have to whisper.’

‘Oh,’ Jane said. Maura thought she sounded a bit hurt.

‘You can though,’ Maura whispered reassuringly. ‘It might help me to remember.’

‘Okay,’ Jane whispered in response. It made Maura smile, at moments like this Jane genuinely felt like the perfect partner. ‘How is she doing?’

‘I don’t know,’ Maura said, ‘she is well one moment and crying the next.’

‘So she’s grieving?’ Jane asked softly.

‘I suppose,’ Maura whispered, ‘I feel wildly inadequate at providing comfort to her Jane. I wish you were here. You’d know what to do.’

‘I wish I was there too,’ Jane whispered. ‘I wish I could make this easier on you but I think you’re wrong.’ Maura bristled at that. She was distinctly uncomfortable with that sentiment. ‘You’re the only person who could be there for her right now. Cailin might know her but she doesn’t know or share Paddy. I might be good with people but they aren’t my parents. The only person who can share this with her is you Maura. You are exactly who she needs. Just you.’

Maura feels her throat tighten at that, ‘how do you know that?’

‘Because any one else might judge her for how much she loves Paddy. She wouldn’t let her guard down. But you? Your life is as intertwined with Paddy’s as hers is for the better and the worse. And you won’t judge her. You are probably the only two people in the world who can say they love Paddy Doyle. Which means you need her and she needs you.’ Jane’s voice is soft, as soft as Maura had heard her speak to the family victims. It wasn’t pity that Maura heard in Jane’s voice though. It was kindness. Love. Compassion.

Maura felt the tears sting her eyes. ‘Jane?’

‘Yeah sweetie?’ Jane’s voice was soothing.

‘Do you judge me for loving him?’ Maura felt small and weak for asking it.

Jane was quiet for a moment, ‘no. You didn’t choose Paddy but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t impact you. And Hope did choose Paddy, it definitely affects her and you love her so… I think this is all just a part of love and you love deeper than just about any one I’ve ever met. That’s something I admire about you.’

‘You do?’ Maura whispered, her heart thumping loudly.

‘I do Maura,’ Jane’s answer was resolute, stead fast, encouraging. Everything Maura needed in that moment.

‘Thank you Jane,’ Maura’s voice was still soft, still emotional but Maura hoped Jane could hear her gratitude too.

‘Always sweetie. Always.’ Jane’s voice told Maura she was smiling. Maura imagined dimples and eyes that sparkled amber like.

‘What are you up to today?’

‘Mmm,’ Jane sipped something over the phone, ‘I was just working on my final exam for the recruits?’

‘Is it already time for that?’ Maura felt genuinely surprised.

‘Yup. They’re a few weeks out from completion.’ Jane said sounding a bit forlorn.

‘You’re going to miss them,’ Maura says.

‘Yeah.’ Jane says with a chuckle, ‘well maybe not all of them but most of them.’

‘Baccay and Dhar,’ Maura asks, testing her hypothesis.

Jane sighed heavily, ‘yeah. I know they’re recruits. Rookies. But I really liked working with them.’

‘They probably feel the same way,’ Maura says trying to encourage Jane. ‘You’re their mentor. They’re going to be better agents because they know you.’

‘I hope so,’ Jane whispered.

‘So have you decided on your exam?’ Maura prompting, trying to change the topic.

‘Yeah,’ Jane said sounding suddenly excited, ‘I’m going to make a crime scene and let them run an investigation.’

‘That hardly seems like an objective way to test your students knowledge,’ Maura said with a frown.

Jane laughed, ‘they’re FBI recruits. What do you think they need to know more, how to run a crime scene or how to fill out a scantron?’

Maura frowned deeper, ‘I suppose.’

‘They’ll be graded on multiple categories,’ Jane began, ‘starting with procedures. Can they walk in to a crime scene and not mess it up? Do they wait for the ME? Do they wear gloves, that sort of thing.’

‘They had better wait for the ME,’ Maura said sounding disgruntled that they might not. ‘You taught them to wait for the ME, right?’

Jane laughed, ‘yes Maur, I told them that if they didn’t the ME might refuse to work with them again for months and then they’ll be stuck doing paperwork for the rest of the squad.’

Maura blushed, recalling the exact punishment she had doled out to one of the detectives in homicide. ‘He might have messed up the entire case Jane.’

‘I told them that too,’ Jane said with amusement. Maura shifted in her seat, settling in to Jane’s gentle teasing. ‘Then they’ll be given time to go over the crime scene. I’ll provide them with a file of information that the techs have for them and then let them go to town. See if they can’t figure out who done it.’

‘So will their final grade be based on whether they crack it?’ Maura asked, genuinely intrigued.

‘No,’ Jane said with a sigh, ‘solving the case is a bonus. The bulk of their grade is in how they do their work. Do they follow procedure? Do they think creatively? Do they keep their mind open? Are they competent, non-power abusing agents? That sort.’

‘Do you anticipate most of them will pass?’

‘I don’t know. Probably. I know a few who probably won’t.’ Jane said sadly.

‘Doesn’t that mean they won’t be made agents?’Maura asked.

‘Yeah, failure in a class means you aren’t eligible to graduate from the program.’ Jane responded, her tone more somber.

‘Are you okay with that?’ Maura felt vaguely horrified. She couldn’t imagine failing a student when it meant the end of an entire career.

‘Honestly?’ Jane asked softly, ‘yes and no. I only think a few will fail but I wouldn’t be comfortable sending them out in to the world anyways. The rest will probably do well enough to get through.’

‘What about Baccay and Dhar?’ Maura asks.

Maura can hear Jane grinning, ‘my money is they’ll be the only two to solve it.’

Maura laughed, ‘you’re playing favourites.’

‘No,’ Jane said, voice full of humour, ‘I _have_ favourites. I’m not playing them. Every one is getting the same chance.’

Maura shook her head, ‘you’re impossible.’ The door to the bedroom opening got Maura’s attention. Hope stuck her head out, her hair disheveled but a smile on her face. ‘Good afternoon Hope. Jane says hello.’

‘Hello Jane,’ Hope said with a smile.

‘I’ll let you go Maura. Just wanted to hear your voice,’ Jane said on the other end, ‘enjoy your time with Hope and remember you’re exactly who she needs right now. You’ve got this, okay?’

‘Thank you Jane. I’ll speak to you later. I love you.’ Maura’s voice was soft and full of tender affection.

‘Love you too Maur!’ Jane said as she hung up.

‘You didn’t have to stop speaking on my account,’ Hope said stifling a yawn as she came to sit next to Maura.

‘That’s quite alright. Jane was just telling me her plans for her final exam.’ Maura shivered slightly at the idea. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about the fairness of Jane’s test.

Hope slipped an arm around her eldest daughter’s shoulder in a half hug, ‘I’m glad you and Jane have each other.’

Maura smiled back shyly, leaning in to her mother’s touch. ‘I’m very grateful for her. What would you like to do this afternoon?’

Hope hummed softly, enjoying the embrace, ‘how about we find some food and a nice beach spot? We are in LA, after all. We’d be missing the authentic LA experience if we didn’t go to the beach.’

‘That sounds lovely,’ Maura said pulling away to press a surprise kiss to Hope’s cheek. Maybe it was having endured that visit with Paddy, or maybe it was the conversation they’d had in the car, but Maura thought it was her conversation that made her so brave. Hope needed her, Maura, her daughter. Maura would try to be just that for her. She left a pleased looking Hope sitting on the couch as she went to get ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are rounding the final bend here with this fic. I anticipate a few more chapters of possible fluff but just wanted to give you the heads up that shizz will be hitting the fan imminently.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very vaguely NSFW.

Noemi woke with her back pressed to Aarna’s back. She rolled to wrap her arms around the curling form of her favourite person. She pressed her face in to Aarna’s warm shoulder blades and breathed in Aarna.

‘Mmmph,’ Aarna moaned as she made room for Noemi to wrap around her. It was the same mmmph she made every morning. It made Noemi’s heart ache with the familiarity of it.

‘Good morning Mahál.’ Noemi whispered in to Aarna’s skin. She let her fingers trace patterns over Aarna’s naked torso.

‘Too early,’ Aarna grunted without bothering to move Noemi’s hands away.

Noemi smiled in to Aarna’s back, pressing a soft kiss to her spine. It elicited her favourite kind of shivers from her lover. ‘I was thinking…’

‘Noie,’ Aarna whined. Noemi froze, her fingers stopping in place, not certain what Aarna needed.

‘Too much?’ Noemi asked softly, wishing she could see her face.

Aarna obliged her by rolling over and scooting down so they could be face to face. She pressed a tender kiss to Noemi’s lips. ‘Its too early to multi-task, okay?’ She smiled brilliantly and Noemi couldn’t stop her own smile from shining back. She loved mornings with Aarna. Especially lazy ones.

‘Okay,’ Noemi whispered, ‘so tell me what you want.’

Aarna reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Noemi’s ear. ‘I want you,’ Aarna whispered gently back, ‘all of you.’ She pressed a kiss to Noemi’s forehead, ‘so tell me what you were thinking.’ Noemi isn’t sure if that was the choice she wanted Aarna to make. She felt her lips pout without her permission and felt an embarrassing heat raise in her cheeks. Aarna laughed as she watched Noemi’s face, ‘and then we can continue where those lovely fingers of yours left off okay?’

Noemi blushed harder but nodded. She tugged softly at Aarna’s hip, pulling her as close as they could get. Noemi wasn’t sure if she was trying to usher away the cold or simply protect them from the world. Maybe it didn’t matter. ‘What if we requested the same service location?’ Aarna’s eyes flickered to their desks where they each had half finished paperwork for their post-academy posting.

‘The same posting. So we’d be together?’ Aarna asked, eyebrows raising.

Noemi nodded, her eyes averting from Aarna’s. She found herself staring at the soft crook of Aarna’s neck. Her fingers swept automatically across Aarna’s clavicle, tenderly, mindlessly. Aarna shivered but did not stop her. ‘You said you didn’t want to break up after the academy. So what if we didn’t? What if we got to be together? Like this. Every morning.’ Noemi nestled her way forward to press a kiss to Aarna’s throat. She felt Aarna gulp.

‘Is that what you want?’ Aarna asks, her voice gravelly with desire.

‘I want to never stop doing this,’ Noemi whispered as her lips pressed against the junction between Aarna’s neck and clavicle, pulling a moan from Aarna’s mouth.

Aarna’s hands grabbed at Noemi’s head, tugging her from her hiding place to look her in the eyes. ‘East or West Coast?’

‘Is that a yes?’ Noemi asked, feeling vulnerable and wide open.

For a moment, Noemi sees a spark of mischief in Aarna’s eyes. Noemi is certain she is about to be teased but then Aarna’s eyes soften, ‘I’d go anywhere with you Noemi Baccay. So East or West?’

‘I’d like to stay in a big city,’ Noemi says biting her lower lip, ‘I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb because we’re brown. And I’d like to stay somewhat close to my Lola.’

‘So you want to request a posting in DC?’ Noemi isn’t certain but she thinks she sees a flash of disappointment on Aarna’s face.

‘No, actually,’ Noemi says pressing a kiss to the corner of Aarna’s mouth. ‘East coast, yes, but not here. I want to go somewhere where we don’t have to hide. I want to give this a real shot.’

Aarna’s grin said it all. ‘So maybe just a few hours away?’

‘If that’s alright with you?’ Noemi nodded.

‘Sure, everything is happening on the East Coast anyways. There’s New York and Boston and a hundred other cities we could request. We could even do Chicago or Atlanta.’

‘So since I chose the coast, maybe you should choose the city,’ Noemi said softly.

Aarna shook her head, ‘not me. We. If we’re going to be a real couple then we should make this decision together.’

Noemi smiled in to the kiss Aarna gave her. ‘So what do you think our chances of getting the same posting are?’

Aarna’s face fell, her brow furrowing together. ‘I’m not sure. I’d ask Agent Rizzoli but I think I used up most of my credit with her.’

‘You did?’ Noemi asked, surprised by this revelation, ‘how’d you do that?’

Aarna flinched, pulling away to sit up. ‘You aren’t going to like this.’ Noemi followed trying to recapture Aarna in her arms but Aarna shrugged her off with an apologetic look, ‘I told her about our investigation.’

‘You what?’ Noemi asked, hearing the shrill alarm in her voice.

‘We weren’t going to get anywhere Noie. She needed to know,’ Aarna said softly, ‘so I told her.’

Noemi launched from bed, scrabbling to find clothes, feeling too vulnerable to be naked at the moment. ‘You didn’t think I deserved to know you were ruining my career.’ She snatched a pair of Aarna’s sweats, pulling them on, cursing when the legs were too long.

Aarna turned away, ‘I didn’t tell her you were involved. I told her it was me and only me.’

For a moment, Noemi’s anger turned to horror, her stomach sinking. ‘You did what?’

Tears were tracing a path down Aarna’s cheeks now and her voice cracked with emotion, ‘I told her you weren’t involved. No one can prove otherwise.’ Noemi felt rooted to her spot. Her stomach churned, her heart ached. ‘It was all my idea. I couldn’t let you take the fall.’

Noemi’s anger flared, ‘I thought _we_ were in this together.’ Aarna didn’t answer. Noemi pulled a hoodie on thrusting her arms through. ‘I’m going to tell her it wasn’t just you.’

‘She knows,’ Aarna whispered, ‘she didn’t believe me for a second. She wants both of our notes on the subject.’

‘So my career is on the line?’ Noemi shot back.

Aarna shook her head, ‘no. Officially, I did it all on my own.’

‘How could you do this?’ Noemi asked, her anger rolling out in fat tears. ‘How could you think I wouldn’t want to accept my responsibility in this? How could you put yourself on the line like this? How could you not trust me?’ Aarna buried her face in her knees her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. It was the first time Noemi had seen Aarna fall apart so completely. Her anger dissipated at the sight of it. Noemi sank slowly back on to the bed. She reached out tentatively to rub Aarna’s back. ‘Mahál? Talk to me?’ Her voice was softer this time, laced with concern instead of anger.

Noemi rubbed softly, sitting in silence as Aarna pulled herself together. Finally, Aarna whispered, ‘I’m sorry. You should get to be mad. You shouldn’t be comforting me.’

For a moment, Noemi felt a flash of anger but it faded quickly, ‘how about you stop trying to tell me what I should be doing or feeling and you focus on telling me what’s going on, okay?’ It was harsh but Noemi hoped Aarna could hear the undercurrents there.

Aarna sniffed and nodded, ‘there are things we haven’t said to each other Noemi. Things that would make all of this so much more… more. So we avoid it and we dance around it but it doesn’t change my feelings. How real they are for you. How deep.’ Noemi felt her cheeks heat up. Aarna was talking about love. ‘I’d do anything to protect you Noie. Even if it meant giving up a career in the FBI.’

Noemi frowned, ‘and what about what I want?’ Aarna looked at her then, her eyes wide and brimming with more emotions than Noemi would ever be able to decipher. ‘I want to be your partner. Your equal. Which means equally responsible. Which means equally in danger. I’m going to be an FBI agent too. You can’t protect me from the job any more than I could protect you.’

‘You’re right,’ Aarna all but whimpered, ‘I’m sorry.’

Noemi tugged Aarna gently back until she was wrapped in her arms. ‘For the record, I feel all those things too. You’re right. It is real. And deep. I won’t say it now because you deserve so much more than to have it said for the first time after a fight but I feel it.’

‘Yeah?’ Aarna whispered, burying herself further in to Noemi’s arms. She felt more than heard, Noemi’s affirmation, ‘we’ll say it after graduation, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Noemi whispered in to Aarna’s hair. ‘Now let’s go talk to Agent Rizzoli. We have notes to give her and a posting to figure out.’

Aarna nodded, pulling away with a wry smile, ‘okay but you might have to change. You’re wearing my clothes.’

Noemi glanced down and saw that she was indeed wearing Aarna’s sweat pants and hoodie. She sighed, of course even in an angry hurry she would grab all things Aarna. ‘You can have the pants back, they’re too long anyways. But I’m keeping the hoodie, it smells like you.’ She burrowed her head down in to the collar and took a deep breath.

Aarna stared at her bashfully, ‘you look good in it but aren’t you worried someone will notice?’

Noemi thought about it as she changed pants. She expected to find the familiar tint of panic in her thoughts but she didn’t. She shrugged, ‘ _if_ they notice I’ll just tell them I got dressed in a hurry but honestly if our fellow recruits haven’t put it together by now, I don’t think they’re going to.’

‘Some ace detectives they are,’ Aarna said with a grin. Some of the hurt in her eyes had been replaced with a twinkle of mischief, just the way Noemi liked them.

Noemi watched as her lover stood, stretched her long form in a tantalising manner before getting dressed. Noemi gulped as she watched Aarna grab Noemi’s sweat shirt and pull in on, winking at Noemi when it settled in to place on her chest. Her mouth was suddenly dry. She liked seeing Aarna in her clothes. ‘ _if_ they ask I’ll just explain that you took my hoodie first,’ Aarna said with a teasing grin.

‘Right,’ Noemi said with a chuckle, ‘of course.’ Noemi grabbed her keys and held the door open for a laughing Aarna.

* * *

Jane had been surprised by the door bell ringing. When the dogs went crazy, Jane had a heartbreaking thought that maybe Maura had flown home early to surprise them all. She knew it was a silly thought but she missed Maura more than anything. Thankfully, Boston and Berry’s excitement more than made up for any of Jane’s disappointments at seeing Dhar and Bacaay at the door rather than a certain hazel eyed, honey blonde.

‘Good morning ladies. What can I do for you?’ Jane asked, taking in the two women before her. Dhar was looking away, her hands fidgeting. Baccay looked pale and perhaps a bit ill. Jane stepped aside gesturing the women in to her home, ‘are you both okay? You don’t look well.’ Jane gave them a quick once over as they stepped through the doorway, ensuring they were unharmed.

‘We’re okay,’ Baccay said, ‘I just owe you an apology for investigating behind your back. Aarna told me that she told you that it was just her but it was both of us and we’ll face the consequences together.’ Baccay squeezed Dhar’s hand in a reassuring manner.

‘I know you were involved and just as I told Dhar, this is on me Baccay. I overshared and then let you both get yourselves in to trouble. I’ll do what I can to protect you, both of you, from any consequences.’ Jane spoke with authority and reassurance, hoping she could convey how serious it was without letting the girls off the hook too much.

Baccay nodded, the colour returning to her face, ‘we brought our notes too.’ Baccay held up a notebook. Dhar, after a bit of digging through her messenger bag did the same.

Jane took both, ‘thank you. I appreciate that you both are cooperating here.’ Baccay and Dhar both looked away, looking properly ashamed. Jane sighed. She couldn’t leave them feeling guilty for too long. ‘I was just about to go to brunch, that was a lie but Jane could always go for food, ‘would you care to join me? My treat.’

Dhar and Baccay exchanged a look that made Jane ache for Maura. She sighed, feeling a bit forlorn as she let the women finish whatever conversation they were having. She fiddled with her phone, debating texting Maura. A smile from Dhar told Jane that her offer had been accepted. ‘Sure Agent Rizzoli, brunch sounds great.’

Jane smiled, ‘you can call me Jane, you know, if we’re doing brunch and all.’ 

Dhar and Baccay looked at her wide eyed, then at each other and then back at her. At last, Dhar said ’only if you call us by our first names.’

Jane grinned, shrugging, ‘sounds good to me, the dogs have already claimed you.’ She gestured at the dogs who were sitting on top of the recruits feet. ‘I’ll drive,’ Jane said, leading the girls back out to her car.

A quick google brought up directions to a decent looking brunch place. After a second, Jane sent a quick text to Maura too: _‘Grabbing brunch with Dhar and Baccay! Wish you were here though. Miss you lots!’_ After that, she sent a pile of hearts and kissing faces. It was more gushy then she usually liked to be but Jane really missed Maura. She couldn’t quite stop herself.

Jane wasn’t surprised to hear her phone ding in response on their drive over. She did resist the temptation to check it until they parked though. Maura had texted back: _‘Brunch sounds amazing! Get the french toast for me?! I miss you terribly and I love you so much!’_ Jane smiled only to look up in to two sets of mischievous eyes.

‘Ooh,’ Aarna said, ‘she’s got it bad.’

‘Uh huh,’ Noemi said in response.

‘Get outta the car,’ Jane said flapping her hands at the recruits, ‘get! Before I make _you_ buy _me_ brunch!’ Their laughter followed them out of the car but Jane couldn’t feel too bad about it. The ladies teasing was too good hearted and Jane, honestly, couldn’t help the fact that Maura made her happier than she’d ever been. Besides, Jane suspected she’d have plenty of opportunity to get the pair of them back over brunch.

Jane did order the french toast, telling herself it was what she wanted and not some pathetic attempt to feel closer to Maura. She tried not to let the ladies see her text a picture of it to Maura. A single raised eyebrow from Noemi told her she had been caught but Jane could cope with that. Noemi wasn’t quite as big a handful as Aarna could be. Jane smiled when Maura texted her back a picture of her own plate of french toast. Jane’s heart twisted. It wasn’t anywhere close to enough but it was kind of like sharing the morning with Maura.

‘So,’ Jane asked as she cut in to her toast, ‘how are you both feeling about your upcoming finals?’

‘Good,’ Aarna said with a smile at Noemi that was sweet and proud, ‘we’ve got this. Noie has a whole study schedule outlined. I wouldn’t be surprised if she aces every test.’

Noemi blushed and pushed the food around on her plate, ‘as if you won’t.’

Aarna grinned, watching Noemi witha smile that looked just like the one Jane wore when she looked at Maura. ‘We actually had a question about our postings after graduation.’

‘Oh,’ Jane said. She wasn’t sure she knew the answer. She had insulate herself fairly well from the rest of the policies and procedures at the FBI. ‘Shoot?’

‘If we requested the same posting,’ Noemi started, looking blatantly uncomfortable, ‘what would the chances be of both of us getting it?’

Jane looked between the pair of them, ‘not great. Most agencies only have one or two slots for rookies. You’d fare better if you went in to different divisions.’

Aarna’s hand disappeared under the table and Jane could see Noemi relax slightly. Aarna answered for them, ‘that was already the plan. We have different interests.’

Jane nodded, running her hand through her hair as she thought, ‘it would help if you declared your relationship. There are exemptions permitted for such circumstances.’ Jane knew as soon as she said it that she had hit a sore point. Aarna’s hand reappeared, her head turning away in something that looked an awful lot like grief. Noemi’s fists balled on the table as she glared at Jane. Jane accepted the glare, merely raising an eyebrow in response. ‘I take it that’s not an option?’

Aarna shook her head still refusing to look at either of them, ‘not at the moment, I’m afraid.’ Her voice was certainly guarded.

‘It might be in time,’ Noemi said softly. She touched Aarna’s shoulder hesitantly, willing her to turn.

Jane looked away, sipping her orange juice thoughtfully as she tried to give them a moment of privacy. ‘Then you have two options. Look for offices that have openings in the divisions you both want or look for openings in cities close to each other. Like a DC/Baltimore option. If you do as well as I expect you both to on your final exams, you’ll be the top recruits coming out of the program this round. You should get your first picks. Of course, there’s no guarantees and no accounting for racism or sexism. You might be skipped over because some jackass is in charge.’

The women nodded, as though they knew this all along. ‘Thanks Jane,’ Aarna spoke softly, sharing a sad glance with Noemi.

‘Are you thinking of making this,’ Jane gestured between the pair of them, ‘a more long term thing? I mean, I know you’re both from different cities. I kinda thought you might call it quits after the academy.’

‘I’d like to try,’ Noemi said, looking in Aarna’s eyes, her chin jutting forward defiantly.

‘It’ll be hard,’ Aarna whispered, her eyes sweeping over Noemi’s face. Jane had the distinct sensation of not really being part of the conversation any more. ‘Especially if we end up in different cities.’

‘I still want to try,’ Noemi replied softly back, ‘I don’t want to lose you. Even if it takes trains, planes, and automobiles.’

Jane decided to excuse herself there. They needed a moment and Jane needed… well, Jane needed Maura. She was hitting the call button before she was even out of the restaurant. She listened to the phone ringing, willing Maura to answer.

‘Doctor Isles,’ Maura’s voice said over the phone, washing over Jane like the first wave of water in a shower.

‘Maur,’ Jane said reverently.

‘Jane? What’s wrong?’ Maura asked, immediately alarmed.

‘Nothing,’ Jane said quickly, ‘I just really, really needed to hear your voice.’

‘Oh,’ Maura sounded like she was blushing. Jane loved hearing it and hated that she couldn’t see it. ‘How’s brunch?’

‘Good,’ Jane said softly, ‘the recruits are trying to sort out their relationship issues.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ Maura offered, ‘what seems to be the problem?’

‘They might not be posted together after the academy,’ Jane explained, ‘and I think they’re trying to figure out if they can make the distance worth it.’

‘Is it?’ Maura asked, a tremble in her voice.

‘Is what Maur?’ Jane asked, feeling like they were having two different conversations.

‘Is the distance worth it?’ Jane could hear it now, the unasked question in Maura’s head.

‘Yes,’ Jane said softly, ‘obviously I want to be with you. Always. But you’re out there being a badass and I couldn’t be prouder. I miss you like hell but I know that you’ll be home to me soon. That will always be worth the wait.’

‘I agree. I can’t wait to be home,’ Maura said in a way that made Jane feel like she was being embraced. ‘Is there really no way for the two of them to be posted together?’

‘Did you have something in particular in mind?’ Jane asked.

Jane could hear the smile in Maura’s voice, ‘well we have connections. We could call in some favours.’

‘You mean you have some connections and you could call in some favours,’ Jane said teasingly.

‘Well, yes,’ Maura says bashfully, ‘but do you really think they wouldn’t listen to an FBI Instructor who brought down Charles Hoyt, his apprentices and Paddy Doyle? You have weight Jane. Pull it.’

‘You think? But all my weights in Boston.’ Jane said thoughtfully, tugging at her hair.

‘So encourage them to go for Boston,’ Maura said simply.

Jane glanced inside to see Aarna waving her back, ‘yeah. I’ll do that. I got to go Maura but…’ Jane hesitated. She wanted to say so much more than words could, ‘I miss you with every atom and I love you with all my DNA.’

Maura laughed on the other side of the phone, ‘that’s not possible Jane but I appreciate the attempt. I miss you and your beautiful face. I love you. Have a good brunch. Call me later?’

‘Always.’ Jane said with a smile, ‘bye love.’

Back at the table, Jane smiled as she settled in to her seat. ‘Did you two decide what you want?’ Both women nodded at her. Jane could see the uncertainty but she also saw something that looked like determination in both of their eyes. They’d be alright and Jane could help.

‘How’s Doctor Isles?’ Aarna asked wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Jane blushed, ‘she’s fine. She actually recommended Boston for you two.’

‘Boston?’ Noemi asked. ‘Why Boston?’

Jane looked between the pair of them. Noemi looked skeptical and a bit confused. Aarna on the other hand, had a pleading look on her face. Jane nodded once at Aarna. She’d do what she could, even if she couldn’t promise anything. With Maura’s help, they would find a home for the pair. ‘Boston’s beautiful. Best city in the world. So why not Boston?’ Jane kept her voice light and non-committal.

‘I love Boston,’ Aarna said with a smile. In a surprising display of affection, she placed a careful hand on top of Noemi’s and urged her with a look to trust.

Noemi shrugged, ‘their baseball team sucks but I guess I could do Boston.’

‘Hey!’ Jane said with a yelp. She threw a piece of uneaten toast at Noemi, ‘take that back!’

Aarna laughed as her lover yelped, fending off pieces of toast with her hands. Jane couldn’t help the cheesy smile on her face, even as she continued her assault. Life was hard but Jane had hope for these two, they had love and that was better than most. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all my S.O. snuck the word 'Butts' in to a random place in that last chapter and none of you said anything. I had to find out from their cackles of mischievious joy. I blame all of you for not giving me the heads up. Head shake.


	52. Chapter 52

Maura coughed, muttering under her breath as she navigated the streets of Atlanta looking for a cab. It was hot, too hot, for November. Of course, Maura figured her fever didn’t help. She just needed to get to her hotel where she could take a cold shower and go to bed. Every joint in her body ached, her nose was running, her head hurt and Maura just wanted to go home and sleep. Preferably with Jane holding her close. Since that wasn’t an option, a hotel with running water was the next best thing. Maura had felt run down the last few days, her body sore and tired, her throat scratchy but that last interview had taken it out of her. Thankfully, the host had kept it graciously short and sent her home quickly.

Maura fumbled with her key card, fighting to unlock the door while the light remained steadfastly red. Maura leaned forward, resting her head on the cool wood of the door. She let out a small moan as some sense of relief washed over her. Maura swiped the card again, the light changing to green as an audible click let her in. Maura threw everything she carried on the first surface she saw and immediately began undressing. She left a trail of clothes behind as she turned on the shower and finally, finally, felt her body cool down. When she began to shiver, Maura turned the temperature up slightly and finished washing off the sweat and grime of the day. She wrapped herself in a towel, retrieved her phone from her jacket on the floor and video called the only person who could possibly make her feel better.

‘Hey Maur, what’s u-woah,’ Jane’s voice was better than a shower. It was cool and refreshing and everything she needed. ‘You don’t look so hot Maura.’ Maura could hear the concern in Jane’s voice, ‘and I say that when you’re wearing only a towel which should be very hot.’ When Maura didn’t stop her Jane went on, ‘actually maybe it’s that you look too hot. Are you running a fever?’

Maura nodded, a small whine coming from her chest, ‘fix it?’

Jane’s eyes softened, ‘aw, baby, I wish I could.’ Maura just moaned in response. ‘What’s your room number?’

‘405’ Maura managed to moan, ‘are you going to come wipe my brow?’

Jane hesitated and Maura could see her considering it. ‘I can,’ Jane offered softly, ‘say the word and I’ll be there.’ Maura knew she was serious. It was part of what Maura loved about Jane. She was always willing to be there for Maura.

‘No,’ Maura moaned. ‘It’s fine. I’m just going to be sleeping.’

‘I could hold you while you sleep,’ Jane offered.

Maura let out a long moan, ‘stop making it harder.’

‘Sorry,’ Jane said looking sheepish. ‘I did just order you some supplies though. Should be there in fifteen.’

Maura grunted, ‘you’re going to have to keep me awake.’

Jane pulled out all of her tricks, cajoling groans and chuckles in equal measure from Maura. A knock at Maura’s door made her drag herself from bed. ‘I told them to just knock and leave it so you won’t have to deal with anyone,’ Jane’s voice echoed through the speaker on her phone.

‘I love you,’ Maura whispered fervently as she opened the door to find hot soup, cold medicine and plenty of Maura’s favourite kind of gatorade.

‘Love you too Maura,’ Jane said softly, ‘sorry I can’t be there with you.’

Maura drank the soup directly from the container, not bothering with a spoon, simply sipping from the styrofoam side. It soothed her throat and helped chase away some of the ache in her head. Maura downed a glass of water and took some of the cold medicine too. When she felt somewhat normal she returned her attention to Jane, who was lying on the floor snuggled up with Boston and Berry, giving absentminded ear scratches. Maura smiled at her family. ‘I can’t believe how big they’ve gotten.’

Jane laughed, ‘they haven’t grown that much, I promise.’

Maura pouted, ‘they’re growing up and I’m missing it.’

‘All you’ve missed is them trying to gnaw on everything,’ Jane retorted.

‘My poor babies,’ Maura said, ‘their mouths hurt. They’re just teething.’

Jane rolled her eyes, ‘are you feeling somewhat better?’

Maura found her way back to bed, nestling in softly under the covers, ‘I am. Thank you.’

‘Anytime,’ Jane responded with a smile. ‘Although, next time, you’ll be home and I’ll make you soup from a can which you’ll hate and that tea that you love. I’ll hold you and kiss your forehead and you’ll tell me that I’m going to get sick too and I’ll tell you that its worth it and it will be.’

Maura stifled a yawn as Jane spoke. The picture Jane painted warmed her heart. ‘And then you’ll get sick and I’ll tell you I t-t-told you so,’ Maura said teasingly, a yawn interrupting her, ‘but I’ll still make you soup from a can which you’ll love and that tea that you hate and I’ll kiss your forehead and promise you that I can’t catch your cold because I’m already immune.’ 

Jane grinned at her, ‘and I’ll tell you that you can’t be immune to me because I’m too charming.’

Maura smiled lazily at that, ‘and I’ll agree with you because you’re sick.’

‘And because it’s true,’ Jane countered, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Maura closed her eyes, ‘it all sounds too good to be true.’

‘But it’s not baby,’ Jane’s voice was softer now, as if she was intentionally lulling Maura to sleep, ‘you just have to make it another week and you’ll be home with me.’

‘Home,’ Maura repeated softly, ‘Jane.’

‘Yeah,’ Jane said in barely more than a whisper, ‘home Maur. Our home.’

‘I like our home,’ Maura murmured tiredly, her words blurring as sleep encroached.

‘Me too baby,’ Jane whispered. Maura thinks she hears a ‘goodnight. Sleep tight,’ followed by another, ‘baby,’ but she isn’t quite sure.

Maura does know that when she wakes it’s to the peacefully sleeping face of Jane through her phone screen. Maura rolls over, taking her now dying phone with her, plugging it in and setting it so Jane could still see her if she woke. Maura doesn’t know why but knowing Jane was there, on the other side of the phone, that she hadn’t hung up, made Maura’s chest ache in a good way. Like she was just beginning to understand how deep love could be and it should frighten her but all Maura has to do is look at Jane. This beautiful, wonderful, insane woman who didn’t hang up the phone when Maura fell asleep. Maura wasn’t sure how such a simple little thing could make her feel so much but Maura was grateful that it did. So instead of questioning it, she whispered a quiet I love you towards the woman in her phone and let herself drift back to sleep, resting in the knowledge that Jane was there.

* * *

Paddy sat patiently in the prison infirmary, awaiting a check up that would tell him he was far worse off than he was. From there, he would be moved to one of Boston’s finest hospitals for a round of testing that would end with his being a jail bird. Money and power could move mountains when you knew who to ask and who to press and Paddy always had a knack for just that. Paddy patted his back pocket where he had his favourite photos: one of Maura as a toddler and one of Hope, laughing at something he had just said. He had them memorised, could probably have sketched them from memory if he had to but they were all he had left of them now. He couldn’t leave them behind. He wouldn’t. Inside his pillow, Paddy had left a note for Agent Dean. Paddy felt somewhat bad for what he was about to do. He liked Dean, considering he’d shot the man. So Paddy had done what he could, signing a confession and promising to turn himself in when his affairs were settled, provided he lived that long. Dean would probably come under some heat but that couldn’t be helped. All that mattered now, was getting out of his cell and finding out who was after his baby girl and making them pay. Painfully.

When the young and somewhat pale medical technician approached, Paddy began to wheeze. It wasn’t hard these days. His breathing always troubled him. Letting it fill the room was simple. The technician, somewhat painfully, responded. His actions were overdramatic and too rehearsed but the guards took the bait hook line and sinker. Paddy let his breath fill the transport, watching as the guards paled under his gaze. They knew a death rattle when they heard one. For Paddy it was the first time he had breathed normally in weeks. Maybe, he thought, listening to his own chest struggling to draw in air, Christmas was just a bit too far away. He was dying at a disarmingly fast rate but he wasn’t dying tonight. Not that the guards needed to know that. So Paddy let that awful sound go on and on, rattling through the air, reverberating through the ears of those two men assigned to guard him until they visibly flinched, fingers touching their own chests, as though their own breathing was faltering.

The hospital was bright and vibrant if a bit sterile. Paddy didn’t mind that smell. Antiseptic reminded him of Hope, of Maura. Of the lives they saved, the good they did. They were the angels to his demons. Paddy wheezed on. He wheezed as the nurse gave him an initial examination. We wheezed as they changed the hard cold metal cuffs to softer leather restraints. He wheezed as his guards shifted from foot to foot, their brows laden with sweat and their eyes wide with fright. The threat of imminent death paralysing those who, Paddy was sure, were otherwise brave men.

Paddy watched with mirth as the doctor in his employ banished the guard to outside the room, pulling a privacy curtain around the bed. Slipping from the restraints was simple enough. The guards had been too convinced of Paddy’s frailty to restrain him properly. A few controlled jerks and Paddy’s right hand was free. A moment more and his left followed. Paddy slipped from the hospital robes he had been given and changed in to a pair of scrubs stored under the bed. A surgical cap and a surgical mask completed the outfit and Paddy slipped out the side door in to the adjacent exam room and out of the main hallway without a second glance at the two men he had so deeply unsettled. Paddy shivered as the cold night air whipped around his light cotton scrubs. He walked slowly towards his destination, his every movement, every breath controlled. With every step Paddy pulled the fraying threads of his persona around him, rebuilding the vestiges of his position as he went. He was Paddy Doyle. He was the boss of the Irish gang. And someone out there had made the mistake of making things personal. Paddy would make sure that was the last thing they ever did because no one messed with his family. No one.


	53. Chapter 53

Maura moved in a daze. She shook hands with the last interviewer and made the compulsory thank you’s while her mind was nine hundred and two miles north. Maura had scheduled her flight back to DC for tomorrow morning and as Maura drove back to the hotel she couldn’t possibly fathom why. Maura packed her things with a haste and laziness that she would loathe herself for later. Shoving unfolded garments roughly in to bags. She loaded everything in to her rental and headed straight for the car rental. She dropped off her car and headed for the airport on the shuttle.

A kind looking older lady smiled up at her from the ticketing counter, ‘hello Miss. What can I do for you today?’

‘I need to go home,’ Maura said, feeling slightly frantic and utterly relieved. Home. Home. Home. Her brain sang it on repeat.

The woman raised her eyebrows, ‘are you saying you need to buy a ticket?’

Maura shook her head, ‘I have a ticket for tomorrow but I need to leave tonight. I don’t see any reason to stay away another night.’

The woman nodded and smiled in a way that made Maura feel slightly unhinged but she couldn’t help it. Jane was one flight away. ‘Can I have your name and destination please?’

Maura wasn’t sure how she made it through the rest of the conversation when all she could think about was Jane but she must have managed alright because she passed over her luggage and headed for a gate with a direct flight to DC in a little over an hour and a half. Maura fidgeted until they called her board. She fidgeted as they waited to be taxied away. She fidgeted throughout the flight. She fidgeted right up to baggage claim and then in to her ride share. And then she was home. Standing in front of her own door, the light from the living room flooding the stoop.

Everything stopped. The world slowed down, her ears roaring furiously. She was here. She was _here_. Jane was on the other side of that door and Maura didn’t know what to do. She should have gotten flowers. Or chocolates. She should have planned a surprise. Should have made it special. And then she heard Jane’s laugh and Maura couldn’t debate it any longer. She pressed the doorbell button.

Boston and Berry were at the door in seconds. Their barking brought tears to Maura’s eyes. It took Jane forever to open the door. Maura thought she might have been dropped in to purgatory where every thing she longed for was on the other side of that door but it wouldn’t open. Maura had half decided to pull out her keys when the door finally, _finally_ opened. Light flooded her first but not by much. The dogs were on her in an instant, barking and jumping and trying their best to get to her face. Maura could process only one thought: Jane. Jane didn’t answer the door.

Maura stared in confusion at the dark skinned woman standing in her doorway, answering her door. The woman was maybe 5’1” with brown almost black eyes and black hair that hung below her waist. Her eyebrows knit together like she was just as surprised and confused to see Maura as Maura was to see her. Maura felt her mouth moving trying to say something, anything. At last she managed to croak out, ‘you’re not Jane.’ The sudden disappointment of it all swooped in on her at once. Tears swelled and she found herself sobbing embarrassingly so on her own stoop. Boston and Berry sensing the change in Maura shifted too. Berry began whining, keeping her eyes on Maura. Boston snarled a challenge in to the darkness, daring the world to try and get her human.

‘Um,’ the woman spoke in a clearly uncomfortable tone, ‘I’m Noemi Baccay. I’ll get Agent Rizzoli, that is… Jane. I’ll get Jane.’

The woman disappeared in to Maura’s house. The next sound to greet Maura’s ears was the irritated intonations of her lover. ‘How hard is it to send solicitors away Baccay. Come on! The pats were just about to-.’Jane stopped when she saw who stood in her doorway. ‘Maura,’ Jane breathed out. Maura barely had time to take her in. Her warm brown eyes sparkling in amazement, her dark hair wild and unkempt in Maura’s favourite way, her feet were covered in her lucky red socks that had been washed so many times they were pink, her sweater sporting her favourite football team, and that smirk. That beautiful, wonderful smirk. And then Jane was on her. Sweeping her in to her arms. Maura was home. At long last. She was home. And she was never leaving again. Jane’s arms held her close and tight like she had the same thought. ‘You’re home, you’re home,’ Jane whispered over and over and Maura melted. She had been silly to think Jane needed anything but this.

Maura doesn’t know how long they stood like that. Long enough for the dogs to lose interest and return inside to where there were humans more willing to engage them. Long enough for the weight of the last twelve weeks to slip off Maura’s shoulders. Long enough for Maura’s tears to dry up and Jane’s eyes to grow wet. When they pulled apart Maura pressed up and placed the softest, most loving kiss she could on Jane’s lips. Maura couldn’t bring herself to quite pull all the way away so her lips brushed against Jane’s when she whispered, ‘I’ve been waiting forever to do that.’

Jane sealed their lips in another kiss, her strong arms holding on to Maura with desperation. When she let go, Maura’s not sure which one of them was more disappointed. ‘You didn’t tell me you were coming home. I would have picked you up from the airport. I would have made you a romantic dinner. I wouldn’t have sent Noemi to answer the door.’

Maura laughed a bit at Jane’s nervousness. ‘I didn’t really plan it out. All I knew was I was done in Miami and I could come home. To you. To this.’ Maura buried her face back in to Jane’s chest, breathing her in.

Jane gave her a squeeze, ‘want me to send the recruits home? We were just watching the game. I’d much rather be with you.’

Maura shivered at the implications, ‘eventually but I’d like to meet them. And maybe apologise for bursting in to tears on Noemi.’ She felt a blush rising. Maura wasn’t normally so emotional but Jane always brought it out in her.

‘Come on,’ Jane said tugging at her luggage to move it inside, ‘I’ll introduce you.’

They managed to pile the luggage just inside the door before Jane wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in to the living room where the Patriots game was on and three pizza boxes sat on the coffee table along with a handful of beers. Noemi sat on one side of the loveseat, her posture rigid and uncomfortable as though she was trying hard to not touch the woman sitting next to her. Aarna Dhar was suppressing a mischievous grin. She was taller than the woman beside her, probably close to 5’10”. Her features were slimmer, more angular than Noemi’s. Her skin was dark too but warmer in tone than Noemi’s. Her hair was darker and curlier. Her eyes glittered a warm mischievous brown colour, with a red bindi between them. Maura knew instantly why Jane gravitated to the pair of them.

Jane beamed at them, ‘ladies this is the love of my life Doctor Maura Isles and she knows about your relationship Noemi so you can stop pretending you don’t want to be touching Aarna right now.’

‘Call me Maura, please,’ Maura said with a smile for them both, ‘and please don’t let me intrude on your time together. I have every intention of claiming Jane’s lap.’

Noemi and Jane blushed while Aarna laughed. Maura was true to her word. She pushed Jane on to the couch, grabbed herself a slice of pizza and then melted in to Jane’s side, her free hand wrapping itself tightly around Jane’s waist. She couldn’t tell you what the pizza toppings were, what game was on, or even who was playing. All she knew was that she was exactly where she was supposed to be. It took Noemi a few minutes to get comfortable but at last she swung her legs up on to Aarna’s lap and settled in the couch to watch the game. Aarna sent Maura a conspiratorial wink and Maura grinned back at her.

Maura woke some time later to Jane cheering, Noemi groaning, and Aarna laughing. ‘What?’

‘Pats win! Brady does it again!’ Jane all but shouted. ‘In your face Baccay.’

‘You’re insufferable,’ Baccay muttered back.

‘She really is,’ Maura said with a wry grin and a big yawn.

‘You aren’t much better,’ Aarna said playfully poking at Noemi’s side.

Jane grinned like a wolf, ‘you can pay up tomorrow Baccay. I’m taking Maura to bed. Y’all can have the guest room if you promise to clean this up and take out the dogs.’

Maura was grateful the pair agreed, leaving Jane all to Maura. Jane helped her up and didn’t let go of her hand as they headed upstairs. She closed the door behind them and brought Maura to the bathroom.

‘Did you want to shower before bed?’ Jane asked softly, ‘I know how you hate travel germs.’

Maura nodded then gulped as Jane began unbuttoning her blouse. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Helping,’ Jane said with a wicked grin.

Maura isn’t sure she has the energy to keep up with Jane but she definitely doesn’t have it in her to stop Jane either. Jane’s hands dance over Maura’s body, disrobing and soothing her all at once. They guide her beneath warm water, lathering her up with soap and tenderness. Jane didn’t push her further, didn’t ask for more. This wasn’t about sex, Maura realised, this was about intimacy. Jane was taking care of her, showering her in love and attention, because she could and Maura let her. Jane dried her off, brushed her hair, helped her in to pyjamas and then tucked Maura in to bed, wrapping herself around Maura completely. Utter bliss followed Maura in to her dreams.

Maura wakes in the morning to her phone ringing. Maura realised Jane must have plugged it in at some point. Maura answers, stifling a yawn, ‘Doctor Isles.’

‘Hey Maura!’ Her little sister’s voice greets her cheerily, ’it sounds like I woke you but I thought you’d be on your way to the airport already.’

‘I came home early,’ Maura says a blush rising as she recalled her frantic hurry to get home yesterday.

‘Couldn’t wait another day to see Jane?’ Cailin’s voice was full of humour and teasing.

‘Did you call just to give me a hard time? Because if so I’m going back to bed.’ Maura says grumpily in a voice that sounds remarkably like how Jane spoke to her little brothers. Cailin’s laughter is bright and clear. Maura grumbles under her breath in what she is sure is exactly like Jane, ‘fine. Goodbye Cailin.’

‘No,’ Cailin says catching her breath, ‘wait! I need your help!’

Maura sat bolt upright, ‘what is it? Are you okay? Is it your kidney?’

‘Woah there sis. I’m fine. I need your help studying,’ Cailin said, sounding somewhat guilty at worrying Maura.

‘Oh,’ Maura said with relief. ‘What’s the subject?’

‘Biochem,’ Cailin says, ‘I just need someone who knows what I’m talking about to walk through it with me.’

Maura stifled another yawn, ‘don’t you have a lab partner?’

‘Yeah,’ Cailin said somewhat stiffly, ‘I just thought….’ Cailin trailed off sounding hurt.

‘I’m sorry Cailin,’ Maura said feeling ashamed, ‘I’d love to help. I just meant I haven’t taken Biochem in years. Are you sure I’m the best choice?’

‘You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, who better to help me study, you know?’ Cailin asked, sounding uncharacteristically shy, ‘besides we all know you don’t forget anything. You have near perfect memory.’

Maura chuckled, ‘that’s hardly true but I’m flattered.’

‘So you’ll help me?’ Cailin asked sounding like the very picture of an eager kid sister.

‘Of course I will,’ Maura said with a grin. ‘Just let me go to the restroom and grab some breakfast and we can talk through it.’

‘So like five minutes?’ Cailin asked.

Maura laughed, ‘try fifteen.’

‘Ugh, fine. But if I found out that eating breakfast is code for having sex with Jane I’m going to be pissed!’

‘Cailin!’ Maura said with equal parts shock and amusement.

‘What? I wasn’t born yesterday,’ Cailin says with so much snark that Maura thinks Jane might be whispering in her ear.

‘I assure you, I will be going to the bathroom alone and making coffee and eating breakfast. I will not be participating in a quick round of coitus. I’m saving that for when I can enjoy it for hours on end.’ Maura grinned at her last sentence.

‘Woah. T-M-I,’ Cailin said sounding horrified.

‘Don’t start what you can’t finish little sister,’ Maura said cheekily.

‘Whatever. Just call me when you’re clothed and ready to talk Biochem.’ Cailin had a way of saying ‘whatever’ that made Maura want to roll her eyes. She wondered if it was a generational thing or a little sibling thing. Maybe both.

‘Fifteen minutes, that’s all,’ Maura replied before saying goodbye. She couldn’t resist the grin on her face. Maura had always wondered what having a little sibling felt like and she adored it. She loved that Cailin was calling for help even if she was being particularly obnoxious about it.

Maura got ready quickly, using the restroom and pulling her hair up in a sloppy bun before heading downstairs. Jane, Aarna and Noemi were laughing in the kitchen and for a minute Maura feels guilty for sleeping in but then Jane sees her and smiles and Maura can’t bring herself to care. ‘Good morning ladies,’ Maura said with a smile for the recruits. ‘Good morning, love,’ Maura said in a huskier whisper just for Jane as she pressed a kiss to Jane’s cheek. ‘Cailin called asking for my help with Biochem. Do you mind if I walk her through it?’

Jane pressed a fresh cup of her favourite tea in to her hands, ‘nope. I’m making Ma’s blueberry pancakes for everyone.’

‘With extra love?’ Maura asks cheekily. Jane blushes, just the way Maura likes.

‘Yes,’ Jane mutters while her recruits snicker behind Maura.

‘Perfect,’ Maura said pressing another kiss and going to the dining room to call her sister.

They were discussing the process of mapping the human genome when Jane placed a plate of blueberry pancakes in front of her with a kiss on the head. ‘Good morning Cailin,’ Jane said with a smile and wave to the phone.

‘Hey Jane,’ Cailin said glancing up from her notes with a look that Maura could only describe as study fatigue.

‘Glad to see you’re taking advantage of this big brain,’ Jane said ruffling Maura’s hair affectionately.

‘Hey!’ Maura yelped at the surprisingly rough treatment, ’watch the hair!’

Cailin cackled on the other end and Jane smiled a sheepish apology, ‘sorry.’ She pressed a second kiss to Maura’s head. ‘Remember to have some fun while you’re studying, okay?’

Maura pouted, ‘the human genome is fun Jane.’

‘No, Maura, the human gnome is only fun for nerds and Cailin is not a nerd. She’s cool like me,’ Jane winked at Cailin through the phone which brought another laugh from Cailin.

‘Genome. G-E-N-O-‘ Maura began but was cut off by the door bell ringing. Jane and Maura share a look, wondering if either had expected it.

‘I’ll get it,’ Jane said with a wave to Cailin.

Maura was half a bite in to pancakes when she heard Jane answer the door. ‘Can I help you fellas?’

‘We’re looking for Doctor Isles.’ A man’s voice said.

‘What’s this about?’ Jane asked, sounding disgruntled.

‘Is Doctor Isles home?’ A second man’s voice echoed the first.

‘Cailin, that’s for me,’ Maura said putting her fork down and looking sadly at her pancakes, she had a feeling this was going to spoil her appetite, ‘can I call you back later?’

‘Yeah,’ Cailin said, ‘everything okay?’

‘I don’t know,’ Maura said with a sigh.

‘Okay. Call me later. Love you Maura!’

‘You too Cailin.’ Maura hung up then stood and went to where she could hear Jane growing increasingly frustrated. ‘I’m here Jane,’ Maura said coming up alongside Jane. She laid a hand on Jane’s forearm, offering comfort. Jane relaxed and opened the door wider to a pair of two gentlemen in suits.

‘Doctor Isles?’ plain white man with androgenetic alopecia said.

‘Yes, I’m Doctor Maura Isles,’ Maura said with a frown.

‘We’re with the FBI and we need to ask you a few questions,’ plain white man with psoriasis said.

‘Badges?’ Jane said, her tone challenging. Both men exchanged glances before pulling out FBI badges. Maura could see Jane memorising their badge numbers.

‘This is my partner, Agent Jane Rizzoli,’ Maura gestured to Jane.

‘Agent?’ Psoriasis man asked, ‘with the FBI?’

Jane nodded but said nothing. Maura spoke instead, ‘perhaps you could tell us what this is all about?’

‘Are you related to Paddy Doyle Junior?’ Alopecia man asked.

Maura bristled, ‘that is a well established fact. I’m listed as his next of kin and his emergency contact.’

‘Have you had any contact with him recently?’ Psoriasis asked.

Jane shifted and Maura stilled her with a gentle squeeze of her hand, ‘not in the last month. My last prison visit was in LA. I did receive a letter from the department of justice informing me that his transfer request to Massachusetts had been approved but I only flew back in to town last night.’

‘Where were you Saturday Ma’am?’ Alopecia asked.

‘This is starting to sound an awful lot like an interrogation gentlemen,’ Jane said, crossing her arms, ‘you’d better come out with it before I demand we have a lawyer present.’

‘Jane, its fine,’ Maura said with a soft rebuke, ‘I flew from Atlanta to Miami on Saturday. I can have the airline’s confirm. Then I checked in to my hotel. Why is the FBI concerned with my whereabouts?’

‘Because,’ a third man said from behind the pair, this time the voice sounded familiar. Maura knew before he pushed his way through the two men exactly who had called at her door. She knew by the way Jane paled, blanching at the voice. ‘Paddy Doyle escaped custody last Saturday night.’ Maura wasn’t sure if she was more surprised by that news or by Agent Gabriel Dean standing on her front porch.

Maura’s blood ran cold. Her voice was icy, even to her, ‘Agent Dean.’

‘Doctor Isles,’ Dean inclined his head to her, ‘Agent Rizzoli.’ Dean looked at Jane with something a little too like longing for Maura’s liking.

‘What the hell Dean?’ Jane said tensing, her anger causing her to take up more space than before, ‘Paddy escaped and then what? You think he came here? And we just happened to not call?’

‘Hardly,’ Dean said, his voice sounding soft, sincere and sorry. ’Paddy is too smart to come to his daughter who is definitely under surveillance and is living with an FBI agent even if you are that FBI agent, Jane.’ Dean removed his glasses, imploring Jane to trust him. ‘This is a courtesy visit, letting you know who will be surveilling you. Meet Agent Johnson and Agent Brown.’

‘I’m not dirty,’ Jane all but shouted in Dean’s face, ‘and I sure as hell don’t need babysitters.’

‘This is procedure Jane. That’s what its always been about,’ Dean said sadly, ’procedure.’

Maura can hear what he’s trying to say. Maura wants to scream. Wants to claim Jane right there, her jealousy making her see red. Maura manages to calm her worst instincts speaking through gritted teeth, ‘that’s fine Agent Dean. I’ll be sure to contact you if Paddy reaches out. Now if you’ll excuse us, we’d like to get on with our day.’ Maura moved to close the door, only to find a heavy hand stopping her.

‘Jane,’ Dean pleaded, ‘come on. You’re on our side now. You understand. What would you tell your recruits?’

‘Fuck you Dean,’ Jane spat out, ‘I was always on your side I just trusted you to do your job. Can’t say the same for you.’ Jane turned and walked away, leaving a flabbergasted Dean behind.

‘Maura, come on,’ Dean said turning to her, ‘talk to her. Please? We were good together. You saw it.’

Maura took the man in. He was scruffier than the last time they met, his hair a bit greyer. ‘I’m sorry to inform you that Agent Rizzoli is very happily taken.’

‘Oh,’ Dean said, his face falling, ‘I probably should have guessed that. Of course I didn’t expect her to be waiting for me.’ Maura almost felt a twinge of sympathy for the man. Loving Jane Rizzoli was devastating after all and Maura knew that better than most. But then Dean asked, ‘whose the lucky guy?’ And Maura couldn’t help it. Her anger flared.

‘Me!’ Maura whispered heatedly in his face, watching with satisfaction as his eyes widened and his jaw dropped, ‘now unless you have a warrant to search the premises I suggest you remove your arm and let me close my door.’ For a moment, only a moment, Maura thinks the man might be too shocked to move but then he drops his arm and steps back. The slightly wounded look on his face is the last thing Maura sees as she closes her door.

Strong arms circle her waist and a familiar nose nuzzles her neck. Jane’s voice is low and gravelly, ‘I like seeing you all jealous and possessive.’

Maura sighed, a hand coming up to tangle in familiar hair as she let Jane’s warm heat fill her up. ‘Well I hate feeling this way. You aren’t a possession to be fought over.’

Jane chuckles throatily against her neck, ‘but you’d win me in every fight.’

‘That goes without saying,’ Maura replied steadily, ‘I am an expert fencer.’ Maura let Jane hold her for a minute longer before a horrible truth tugged her away. ‘Jane?’

‘Yeah, Maura?’ Jane whispered, sounding so remarkably steady and sure of herself.

‘Paddy escaped. My father broke out of jail.’ Maura said it even though she hardly believed it.

‘Yeah, he did,’ Jane said sounding heavy. ‘Come on, let’s go send the recruits home and then we can talk about it.’

‘What is there to talk about?’

Jane sighed, ‘I might have an idea as to why he broke out.’

‘You what?’ Maura had the distinct sensation of a rug being pulled out from beneath her feet. Surely Jane had not helped Paddy Doyle to escape.

‘Recruits, Maura,’ Jane gestured back towards their kitchen. ‘Besides you should probably warn Hope.’

‘Fuck,’ Maura said, making Jane chuckle, ‘fine but then you’re going to explain everything.’ Jane nodded, looking resigned to it, before disappearing in to the kitchen. Maura found Hope’s contact and hit the call button, a sense of dread feeling her stomach as she considered the news she had to share with her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one! Maura just couldn't stay away any longer!


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first part is dedicated to my dear reader Jenna whose happiness, excitement, and a tiny bit of begging prompted me to write out the phone call between Hope and Maura even though I wasn't intending to. But alas Jenna was correct, it was a scene that needed to be written. So here's to you Jenna. Thanks for making this longer! ;)

Hope tip toed down the hallway, past her youngest daughters room. Cailin had been up late studying and Hope didn’t want to wake her youngest daughter from some much needed rest. She slipped carefully down the stairs, grabbing her jacket and her keys before slipping out the front door. If luck was on her side, Hope could procure breakfast and coffee before her youngest rose. Hope wasn’t great at being maternal but Hope knew better than most the importance of good coffee after a particularly rough study session. It was something.

Luck was not on Hope’s side. Half of Boston had come out for coffee and pastries. Hope fidgeted, checking her email, shooting off responses as she waited. When she finally reached the counter, Hope placed her and Cailin’s order accepting that it would ‘be a few minutes’. Judging by the lingering masses, Hope expected it to be quite a while. So she found herself a chair off to the side to resume working from.

Hope is almost surprised when her order is called nearly thirty minutes late. The harried barista apologised profusely, saying they’d thrown in extra pastries to make up for the wait and then hurried on to the next person. Hope didn’t even have time to offer a thank you. She opted to slip a few extra dollars in the tip jar on her way out. Hope was certain more than a few patrons would stiff the hard working baristas and Hope didn’t mind doing her part to make up for them.

Hope entered the house, pausing to listen for her youngest daughter. She was pleasantly surprised to hear her eldest daughter speaking as well. Hope tip toed closer to the bottom of the stairs, hearing Cailin and Maura talk about the human genome made her smile. Hearing Jane make a joke about gnomes made Hope hide a giggle behind her hand. Hope took her goodies to the kitchen, pulling out a plate and dishing up the pastries with a side of fresh cut fruit for Cailin. Hope was just about ready to bring it all up when she heard Cailin coming down the stairs.

‘Good morning dear,’ Hope said with a smile for Cailin, ‘I brought you coffee.’

‘Coffee!’ Cailin said making grabby hands at her mother, the same way she had when she was four and looking for candy. Hope chuckled as she passed the latte over.

‘I heard you and Maura speaking. I didn’t expect you to be done so soon,’ Hope said casually sipping her own coffee. ‘I was going to bring you up breakfast.’

Cailin snagged the plate from her and shoved half a croissant in her face with a moan. ‘So -ungry. Fanks mum.’Hope shook her head and rolled her eyes as Cailin shovelled more food in to her mouth. Hope would be worried her daughter would choke if she hadn’t witnessed this a thousand times before. ‘Maura had to go,’ Cailin said when she successfully swallowed an unreasonably large bite.

‘Oh?’ Hope asked, an eyebrow raised, ‘was everything alright? I didn’t think she was due back in DC until today.’

‘She wasn’t,’ Cailin said swallowing down a second unreasonably large bite, ‘she came back early to be with Jane.’ Cailin squished her nose up in an icky face motion, making Hope laugh.

‘She’s in love,’ Hope said voice full of amusement at Cailin’s antics.

‘Yeah,’ Cailin said rolling her eyes, ‘believe me, that was abundantly obvious. They’re sweeter than candy floss together.’

‘And what’s wrong with that?’ Hope asked, her eyes twinkling as she watched her youngest come alive with the help of food and caffeine.

‘Nothing,’ Cailin said with a wicked grin, ‘except it gives me cavities and a stomach ache watching them.’

Hope laughed, swatting playfully at her youngest daughters arm. ‘Oh you,’ Hope said with affection.

Cailin’s face sobered some, ‘I actually really love seeing them together. Maura’s happy. She deserves it.’

‘I agree,’ Hope said with a warm smile for her youngest, ‘I hope you’ll be just as happy one day.’

Cailin looked at her, head tilting to the side, ‘maybe but it won’t be because I caught the love bug.’ Cailin wiggled her fingers in a creepy crawly way, ‘it will be because I’ve won the Nobel prize or cured cancer or something.’

Hope grinned, ‘if you’re happy, I’ll be happy.’

Cailin swooped in and in a rare display of affection, she kissed Hope’s cheek, ‘thanks mum! I’m gonna get back to it. But the coffee was great. Exactly what I needed!’ She left Hope behind feeling pleasantly pleased with her mornings work. Hope watched her youngest take the stairs two at a time, so grateful she got to see Cailin grow up. That she hadn’t lost her. That she might one day live to see her daughter win a Nobel prize or cure cancer or, maybe even, fall in love.

Maura’s ring tone interrupted Hope’s thinking. Perhaps luck was with her that morning if she got to speak with both of her daughters. Hope answered quickly, with a smile on her face, ’Maura, dear, what a lovely surprise.’

‘Hello Mother,’ Maura said her tone conveying a level of seriousness Hope wasn’t prepared for.

‘Is everything alright Maura?’ Hope asked, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

‘I’m afraid not,’ Maura replied, ‘it may be best for you to sit down.’

‘It’s Paddy?’ Hope asked, ‘he’s passed already?’

‘It is Paddy,’ Maura began. Hope felt the sting of a hundred emotions in an instant, ‘he hasn’t died though Hope. He has escaped.’

Hope’s ears roared, her vision grew dark at the edges and she found herself sinking to the floor, ‘he what?’

‘I’m afraid I don’t have the details,’ Maura said with compulsory politeness, ‘simply that the FBI was here asking questions. They informed us we would be under surveillance. It is likely you will also be placed under surveillance. I just didn’t want you to be caught off guard. Hope?’

Hope realised she had been silent for too long. ‘I’m here,’ Hope whispered, barely managing that.

‘Hope, I can’t stress how important it is that you do nothing to reach out to him, to help him, to find him. You have to go on as if he is still in jail. If you help him in any way…’ Maura trailed off. Hope remembers the spark of anger in Maura’s eyes the day she came to tell Hope to testify against Paddy for killing that poor Cavanaugh family. Hope knew Maura was threatening more than just legal trouble. Maura was telling Hope that helping Paddy would cost her relationship with Maura.

‘I wouldn’t. I won’t.’ Hope whispered, trying to assure them both.

‘If he contacts you, you have to tell the FBI,’ Maura says again, a steel quality in her voice.

‘I will,’ Hope breathed, ‘of course I will Maura.’ Hope doesn’t say that she would never choose Paddy over Maura. That she would put Maura first, every time, without fail.

‘I’m sorry that I’ve distressed you,’ Maura says, her tone softer now. ‘I’m sorry I can’t be there to help you with this.’

‘You don’t make Paddy’s choices for him,’ Hope murmurs. She knows it is true even if she can’t quite process things at the moment.

‘No,’ Maura says softly, ‘I wish I could though.’ It was a sentiment that Hope understood completely. ‘I need to go but will you be alright?’

Hope thinks she manages to pull off a reassuring tone when she says ‘of course I will. Good bye Maura dear. I love you.’

‘I love you too Mother,’ Maura replies with a tenderness that is rarely shown. Then Hope hears the click of the phone hanging up.

Hope knows she should get up. She knows that it will concern Cailin to find her mother crying on their kitchen floor. But Hope’s head is still spinning. Cailin still had hours of studying to go, Hope reasoned, she had hours to fall apart and put herself together again. That is her last rational thought before Hope feels her emotions swell, grief overwhelming her conscious mind in a flurry of tears. Her heart broke, wondering how much more Paddy Doyle could possibly hurt her in this lifetime.

* * *

It was all too easy to get the recruits to leave. Jane had half hoped Noemi and Aarna would stay and save Jane from herself. Instead, the pair had left with matching concerned glances and promises to check in later. Jane spotted out their surveillance team with almost no effort. Feeling particularly petty, Jane flipped them off before she closed the door. Jane knew it wasn’t their fault they were there but she certainly wasn’t going to take it laying down.

Maura was sitting on their couch looking so sad it practically broke Jane’s heart. Jane settled in beside her, placing a hand gently on her back, ‘you told Hope?’ Maura nodded mutely. ‘How did she take it?’

Maura let out a sigh weighted in sadness, ‘not well.’ Then Maura turned to look at Jane, her hazel eyes were piercing laced with fear and confusion. ‘Tell me,’ she said softly. Her voice was calm, controlled, and absolutely disconcerting for Jane.

Jane pulled her hand away, flexing her fingers. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Maura as she spoke. ‘I called Paddy, when all of this started.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Maura’s voice was icy, ‘you did what?’

Jane winced. Maura was hard to anger but Jane knew she was when she used that particular tone. ‘You were threatened and prancing all over the country. I couldn’t be there to protect you. It was driving me crazy. But Paddy -‘

‘Paddy what?’ Maura asks, standing and beginning to pace, ‘what exactly is Paddy going to do? Put a hit out on someone asking questions about me? Send his hit men to follow me around the States?’

‘I don’t know,’ Jane shot back, feeling her own anger rising, ‘but whatever he could do it was a damn sight more than I could.’

‘I didn’t need you to do anything,’ Maura shot back, her voice elevating, ‘I didn’t need you or Paddy or anyone else. I’m fine!’

Jane’s mouth fell open, a pain in her heart at Maura’s words. Maura didn’t need her. Jane sat down hard. She heard herself answer, sounding far away, ‘okay Maura.’

Realisation at what she had just said seemed to dawn on Maura’s face slowly. ‘I didn’t mean that, Jane,’ she whispered in a horrified voice. ‘I did need you. I do need you. I just meant I wasn’t in danger. I’m safe. I was never in danger.’

‘Sure, Maura,’ Jane responded numbly, burying her face in her hands. ‘I believe you. You weren’t in danger.’

Jane could see Maura’s feet resume their pacing but she couldn’t bring herself to look up at Maura’s face. Jane didn’t know what she expected but Maura’s next question was not it, ‘what did you tell Paddy exactly?’

‘Just that someone was interested in you and he should keep an eye on you,’ Jane said, feeling defeated and crushed.

Maura paused looking down at her, Jane didn’t bother looking up. Jane wasn’t sure she could endure the look Maura was giving her. ‘Do you know how foolish and risky that was? You could lose your job if those agents out there find out. You could lose everything you’ve worked so hard for! You could go to jail for aiding and abetting!’

‘None of that matters if I lose you,’ Jane whispered so softly she isn’t even sure if Maura can hear her.

‘Jane,’ Maura says, her voice brimming with emotions. And then Maura is kneeling in front of her, her gentle hands tugging Jane’s face up until brown eyes met hazel. ‘You won’t lose me,’ Maura said with a soft but firm voice. ‘You won’t lose me. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.’ She presses a kiss to Jane’s lips, not soft and reverent but solid and reassuring.

Jane clung to Maura, her mind flashing back to Maura’s kidnapping. They had taken her then. Chained her up in some forgotten room. They had hurt her. Kept her from coming home, kept her from Jane. Jane had to make sure that would never happen again. Even if that meant getting Paddy involved. Even if that meant making Maura angry. Maura pulled back to look her in the eyes again. Jane looked back, letting her eyes drink in every line of Maura’s face.

‘You aren’t even remotely sorry are you?’ Maura asked at last. Her voice was resigned but Jane heard the tiniest sliver of humour in it. Jane shook her head no, her hair whipping against both of them. Maura chuckled, ducking away from the wild mane. ‘Of course you aren’t,’ Maura said letting out a weighted breath. ‘You’re infuriating you know that right?’ Maura asks before pressing another kiss to Jane’s lips.

Jane smiles in to the kiss, pulling Maura in to her lap. She wrapped her arms around Maura’s waist pulling her in tight. Maura’s hands slid back in to Jane’s hair, pulling softly until Jane’s head is angled back for Maura to kiss more thoroughly. The need for air pulled them away at last. ‘To be fair,’ Jane’s voice is hoarse with relief and desire, ‘I didn’t think he’d break out of jail.’

Maura frowned, her eyes glittering in that way that told Jane she was thinking, ’no he wouldn’t need to. He has people who watch from afar. The only reason he would break out is if…’ Maura trails off, biting her lower lip.

‘He found something,’ Jane finishes Maura’s thought for her. ‘The only reason he would do this is if he found something and he felt like he needed to protect you. Even the added surveillance adds a level of security for you.’

‘So you think he’s in DC?’ Maura asks softly.

Jane shrugs, ‘if I knew where he was, I’d have told Dean. Dean might be a prick but I’m not a dirty agent.’

Maura smiled at that, ‘no you’re remarkably good at sorting through moral quandaries.’

Jane quirked her head sideways, smirking at Maura, ‘is that your way of saying I’m noble?’

Maura laughed, her hands moving of their own accord, touching as much of Jane as they could. ‘A true knight in shining armour, I assure you.’

Jane blushed, ducking her head, suddenly feeling shy under Maura’s adoring gaze. ‘So,’ Jane cleared her throat, ‘even though I’m not sorry and even though it still makes you mad, are we okay?’

Maura’s hand found Jane’s chin tilting her head up to look in her eyes, ‘yes, we’re okay.’ She sealed that promise with a kiss and then another one for good measure. ‘I don’t like what you did but I can respect why you did it. You didn’t know Paddy would break out and it wouldn’t be fair for me to hold you responsible for his actions.’

‘Is there anything else you need to say?’ Jane asks, her hands rubbing gently at Maura’s back.

Maura bites her lower lip, considering Jane’s question. ‘No, I don’t think so. You?’

Jane shook her head, ‘nope. But I definitely have some things I’d like to show you.’ Jane wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and let her hands slip under the soft BPD shirt Jane had dressed Maura in the night before. It was one of Jane’s favourites and seeing Maura in it made Jane’s spine tingle in anticipation.

‘Mmm,’ Maura said closing her eyes as Jane’s lips found their way to her pulse point. ‘That- that could be- be arranged,’ Maura stuttered out, leaning her head to the side to give Jane better access. It was all the permission Jane needed.

‘Mmm,’ Jane moaned as her fingertips brushed the sides of Maura’s breasts, ‘I’ve missed you so much Maura.’ Maura lets out a stuttered breath, gasping when Jane’s fingers tease her, and Jane devotes herself to drawing that sound out of Maura’s lips over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I post the next few chapters, wanted to get a sense of how you all feel about cliffhangers. Knowing that it is 24-72 hours between posts, can y'all cope with cliffhangers?


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to MorganaAQ for the idea on this one! I appreciate your enthusiasm and support!

Gabriel frowned at the door that had closed in his face. Jane was taken. Jane was taken and she was taken by Maura. He wasn’t surprised, exactly. Of course it was Maura. It was always Maura. Jane never stopped talking about Maura. It was always ‘Maura this’ and ‘Maura that’. Gabriel hadn’t minded then. He had just assumed they were best friends. Jane had told him they were best friends. But then Jane had told him about Paddy and everything went to pieces because of Maura. Jane had chosen Maura over him. It was almost grating to know. And here they were and Jane was still choosing Maura.

‘What the fuck Dean?’ Brown said looking at him venomously, ‘we could have used the heads up that we were watching one of our own.’

‘Yeah,’ Johnson said with an annoying whine in his voice, ‘way to give us a heads up.’

‘She’s not one of us,’ Dean said with a frown, ‘she’s just an instructor.’

In a surprising show of solidarity, Brown growled out a response, ‘she’s got a badge man. She’s one of us.’

Dean’s eyebrows shot up and he gestured back to the surveillance van. The agents followed him back to the car. ‘Rizzoli is under surveillance. She’s had known contact with Doyle. Nothing says she’s dirty but dating the daughter of a mob boss doesn’t exactly make her look good. So we watch and we report and once Paddy is back in custody, we’ll get the brass to cough up an apology, alright?’

‘You sure about that Dean? Or are you still nursing a grudge?’ Johnson asked with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. ‘I wouldn’t blame you. Rizzoli was hot.’

Dean shoves the older man and not gently, ‘this isn’t about me. It’s about tracking down one of the world’s most wanted. Got it?’ He held both agent’s eyes with his own making it clear there was no room to negotiate. ‘Detective Jane Rizzoli is one of the most tenacious detectives I’ve ever met and Doctor Maura Isles is literally one of the smartest people on the planet. So if we want a snow balls chance in hell to find Paddy Doyle, they’re it.’ Dean gestured back towards the house just in time to see Jane flipping him off from the doorway. A wry grin crossed his lips. He always did love her spirit.

‘I still don’t like it,’ Brown muttered, his eyes watching Jane as she ducked back inside, ‘if she’s not dirty why aren’t we bringing her in on it? I don’t like playing IA Dean.’

Dean sighed leaning his head back against the head rest, ‘it’s not my call Brown. I don’t think she’s dirty but that doesn’t mean the brass doesn’t. So either we surveil her or we let someone else with less favourable opinions do it.’

‘Is that what you’re telling yourself?’ Johnson asked rooting around in a bag for something to snack on, ‘I think you’re just looking for an excuse to pine over your girl.’ Johnson looked up with a wolf like grin, ‘pardon, I mean Doctor Isles girl.’

‘Shut up and eat your ding dongs Johnson,’ Dean retorted but he couldn’t add any real anger behind it. Jane chose Maura and that was something he’d just have to live with even if Jane would always be the one who got away from him.

‘I know I’m certainly going to enjoy watching,’ Johnson said, his eyebrows wiggling and his mouth coated in chocolate crumbs. When both Dean and Brown stared at him in disgust Johnson shrugged, ‘lesbians are hot.’

‘Shut up and eat your ding dongs, man,’ Brown said with disdain. Dean sighed. It was going to be a long week. His one consolation was knowing that Paddy Doyle had come back to the East coast for something and Dean was ready to put all his chips on that something being his only daughter. If Paddy so much as sneezed near Maura, Dean would wisk him straight back to jail where he belonged. Then he’d put this whole thing behind him and work on moving on from Jane Rizzoli.

* * *

Paddy tapped his fingers on the table in his motel. His people had done well. They’d chased down a dozen leads, threatening or intimidating any one who so much as looked the wrong way at Maura. They’d systematically worked through name after name, getting promises and assurances to leave Maura alone. Not that Paddy put any particular weight in people’s word. People were pathological liars. What Paddy did put stock in was knowing the motivations of other people. Who to threaten, who to blackmail, and who to pay off. Every one had a weakness and it was Paddy’s business to know exactly what those weaknesses were. It left Paddy with one name. One man who his people couldn’t track down. Vincent Russo. Russo had gone to ground and in Paddy’s business, that meant trouble.

His contacts at the police station were on the BOLO, ready to feed him any information they found but Paddy was willing to put good money that his people would find Russo first. The police didn’t have the man power for this, nor the motivation he did. Be it in a month or a year, eventually, they’d move the BOLO to a cold case status and it would be forgotten about. Just another file in some box in some storage space waiting until Russo made his move. Paddy wouldn’t. Maura was at risk and Paddy’s time was running out. Which meant it was time to flush out his prey. He’d find Russo and Paddy would eliminate the threat, one way or another.

A knock at Paddy’s door drew him from his thoughts. He checked his firearm peering through the peep hole on the door. It was his second in command, Connor O’Malley. Paddy let the younger man in, gesturing for him to sit. Paddy hoped Connor had more information for him but nothing would stop Paddy from finding Russo, even if he had to send his people to search Boston block by block.

‘Paddy,’ Connor said, ‘we’ve got a lead.’

‘Tell me,’ Paddy said.

‘Thomas found a barista who recognised the photo. Said Russo comes in most mornings and has for the last few months,’ Connor points to a location on a map.

‘Thomas?’ Paddy asks, surprised.

Connor nodded, ‘do you want to interview the barista yourself?’

Paddy shook his head, ‘give Thomas a bonus and make him promise to stay on it. I’ll hold him personally accountable if anything happens to her. He can have whatever he needs, extra cash, extra supplies, anything. Understand?’

Connor nodded, ‘sure Paddy. She’s family. We’ll take care of her.’

A wry smile crossed Paddy’s face. Family. He supposed, complications and all, that was still true. Maybe they weren’t biologically related but they were still family, united by the people they both loved. Its why he had set Thomas to watching out for her in the first place. Besides, Paddy thought, she did Maura good and that alone was something worth protecting.

‘Any word on the FBI?’ Paddy asked.

‘They’ve set up surveillance on everyone you expected,’ Connor said with a nod.

‘Good,’ Paddy nodded, ‘and Agent Dean?’

‘He’s watching Maura himself,’ Connor confirmed.

Paddy grinned, ‘good. Very good. You’ve done well Connor.’

‘Paddy,’ Connor starts tentatively, ‘why do we want the FBI watching your daughter? Wouldn’t you rather be staying there then in some motel?’

Paddy tapped his fingers again, considering the young man. ‘The FBI adds another layer of protection. Besides, you’re too young to know this O’Malley but _this_ life isn’t conducive to raising a family. I’ve done everything I can to keep _this_ away from them. I wouldn’t mess that up now by going to Maura now. Besides she’s a good girl, she’d turn me in on the spot.’ Paddy smiled affectionately at the thought of it.

‘But you’re her father, doesn’t loyalty mean anything to her?’ Connor asked his mouth dropping.

Paddy couldn’t help his crooked grin, ‘oh it means everything to her. She just swore her allegiances to a different family.’

‘What do ya mean Paddy?’

‘Were you aware my daughter was the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts?’ Paddy asked, eyes twinkling with fatherly pride.

‘Yeah,’ Connor said, confusion on his face.

‘Do you know what that means?’ Paddy asked, amused by the youngsters confusion.

‘She looked at dead bodies,’ Connor said with a shrug, feeling chastised and frustrated but unwilling to challenge the old man.

‘That,’ Paddy acknowledged, ‘and she worked closely with the police. One detective in particular.’ 

‘So she fell in love with a cop?’ Connor asked confused.

Paddy shrugs, ‘something like that.’

Connor shook his head, ‘I don’t think I’d ever let my daughter betray me that way.’

Maybe Paddy was tired, or maybe he simply accepted the ignorant youth inherent in the other man’s comment, either way Paddy was surprised to find himself indulging the question rather than squashing it. ‘Its not a betrayal O’Malley. Its putting my daughter’s needs first. I’d do a thousand years more in lock up if it meant her happiness. Maybe you’ll understand one day _if_ you’re fortunate enough to have a daughter.’

Connor deciding he had pushed the old man far enough, changed the subject, finishing up the last of his report. He let himself out, shaking his head at the foolish notions of the old man. Paddy hoped, somewhere, deep down, they had taken root so that Connor could be a better father than Paddy had been. Paddy knew he wouldn’t see the fruits of his efforts but he was okay with that.

Paddy locked his door, checked his windows and then climbed in to bed. His mind ran through the information again and again until exhaustion swept him in to a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So regarding the upcoming cliffhangers: I am going to keep the format as I had orginally intended WITH cliffhangers BUT I will post at the top which chapters end in a cliffhanger so you can decide whether to read it or wait for me to resolve it. That said, I'm trying to write a couple of chapters ahead at the moment so I can reliably post for y'all so it may be a quiet weekend while I scurry on ahead. 
> 
> I will reassure you all that I am not abandoning this work. We're so close to done, loves! I wouldn't leave you now! 
> 
> p.s. my SO snuck the word 'diarrhea' in here.... I think I got them all but please let me know if I missed any. I promise none of the characters in this chapter have diarrhea.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last fluff chapter before stuff goes bad, mates. Enjoy it! 
> 
> Also happy Diwali, in honor of Aarna!

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura’s naked waist and buried her nose in Maura’s neck as she let the last remnants of sleep fade away.

‘Good morning love,’ Maura said holding her tightly back, ‘I’ve missed this.’

‘Me too,’ Jane said inhaling the smell of Maura’s shampoo. ‘I know it makes the commute long but thank you for deciding to be home for the last few days interviews. I really missed you.’

Maura’s cheeks turned a beautiful pink colour, ‘it was only a few days and DC isn’t that far. If it means I get to sleep in your arms and wake to this, I’ll happily sit in traffic for a few hours.’

‘Go on a date with me tonight?’ Jane asks, looking up to meet hazel eyes in the mirror. ‘Please?’

Maura spun around looking up in to brown eyes she adored. She bit her lower lip, ‘I want to but…’ Maura trailed off.

‘I don’t care how late you are. I’ll wait,’ Jane said completing Maura’s thought for her, ‘I just want to have dinner with my wi- you. My you.’

Maura raised an eyebrow, telling Jane she’d definitely caught that freudian slip. Jane really hoped Maura wouldn’t press her on it because Jane hated lying to Maura. ‘How about I grab something on my way home and we can have a home date?’ Jane tried to hide her relief with an eager head nod. ‘Do you want anything in particular?’

Jane shook her head, ‘nope. I’ll even eat that vegan mush you call food if it means dinner with you.’

Maura threw back her head and laughed. Jane drank in that sight, certain that watching the lines of Maura’s neck and the light in Maura’s face would fuel her for the rest of the day. The rest of their morning was spent in domestic bliss, getting ready around each other’s very familiar routine, ladened with small smiles and tender touches.

Jane walked out with Maura when she went to leave. One glance at the grey sky told Jane it was going to snow and soon. ‘Drive careful out there, okay?’ Jane said grumpily, eyeing the sky in offence.

Maura took a deep breath, her hazel eyes twinkling,.’It’s the first snow Jane,’ Maura said conspiratorially.

‘Yeah,’ Jane grunted, ‘which means all the idiots have had eight months to forget how to drive in this slop again.’

Maura laughed, ‘that is not what the first snow means Jane.’

Jane sighed exaggeratedly patient, ‘okay, what does the first snow mean Maur?’

Maura tugged Jane in closer pressing soft warm lips to Jane’s own, ‘above us at this very moment, an infinite number of ice crystals are dancing above us, colliding, forming and reforming, giving each crystal their exquisite and unique shape. They dance and dance, combining a million random variables until they meet their preferred dance partner and then together they fall from the sky in the most beautiful dance the world will ever see, choreographed by physics and the currents of the air around them.’

‘Mmm,’ Jane said pulling Maura closer to herself. Only Maura could mix science and poetry so well but Jane still had a reputation to maintain, ‘so you’re saying I’m your snowflake and you want to go sky diving with me?’ Jane asked wiggling her eye brows with a dimpled grin.

Maura’s eyes lit up with a beaming smile across her face, ‘yes and a million more things too. I want to do it all with you. But I’ll settle for watching the snow dance. Here, at home, with you.’

Jane felt unexpectedly choked up. ‘That sounds beautiful Maura,’ Jane murmurers softly, ‘I’ll make hot cocoa.’

‘It’s a date,’ Maura said eyes twinkling, ‘I expect you to kiss me in the snow too, you know.’

Jane grinned, pressing her lips to Maura’s. ‘Oh, I have the kissing handled,’ Jane replied, her lips brushing against Maura’s as she hadn’t completely pulled away.

‘Mmm, yes you do,’ Maura said with a smile before closing the space against them. Jane felt Maura’s hand tug softly at one of her curls framing her face with affection. When they parted Jane took Maura in. She was beautiful. Breathtaking. If Jane were a painter this was how she’d paint Maura. Her hazel eyes sparkled brightly against the moorish grey of the sky, like the safety of a green harbour in a stormy sea, her cheeks and nose were tinted pink from the kissing and cold, her lips were plump and swollen from their exchange, her hair blew gently beneath her white beret, tickling Jane’s face. Her cheek was dimpled, conveying warmth and adoration through a smile. Maura was gorgeous.

‘I love you,’ Jane whispered, meaning it with every fibre of her being. Because she did. Because she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Because she loved Maura Isles so much it couldn’t be contained.

‘And I, you,’ Maura murmured back, her eyelashes fluttering softly. She pressed one more kiss to Jane’s lips before climbing in to her car. ‘I’ll see you tonight love,’ she said as she closed the door. Jane watched her drive off, feeling rooted to the spot and dumbfounded by the affection she felt. It was movement from their surveillance team that brought Jane back to reality. She flipped off the first van to drive by before climbing in her own car to head to work. She wasn’t at all surprised to find a second car following her. Fucking Dean. Fucking Paddy. Jane rolled her eyes as she watched the first few flurries of snow fall. Let the world watch, she and Maura could dance with the best of them.

By the time Jane arrived at the academy, her mind had shifted to focus on her students finals which were ending today. Jane had assigned each student to show up at a designated time throughout the week and had given them all 60 minutes to work through the crime scene she had set up in her office. Jane would shadow each one, observing without commenting. Baccay had volunteered to go first and Jane wasn’t sure if that was fair to everyone else as Baccay had set an unattainably high bar. She had been nearly perfect in her procedures and Jane was positive she would have cracked the case given a few minutes more. None of the other recruits had come close to that. Jane had out right failed three of them. Whitehead, to her immense pleasure, had failed of his own accord by disrupting the body before the ME arrived. Jane had been thrilled to not have to make up an excuse to fail the man even though Jane knew he would be a horrible agent, he’d done it all on his own. Only five recruits remained and Jane had assigned Dhar to the final slot. Jane wanted to end the semester on a high note and by this time tomorrow, she’d be home for Thanksgiving break and a whole weekend with Maura all to herself. Her family would trickle in over the early part of next week and by this time next week, Jane would be surrounded by her favourite people and eating her mother’s Thanksgiving dinner with Maura at her side. In the home she and Maura shared. It made her giddy just thinking about it.

* * *

Maura startled when her phone began vibrating alerting her to the fact that she had a call. Maura looked around the small staff lounge of a small bookstore in DC where she was doing book signings and a reading, making sure she wouldn’t disturb anyone. Maura was currently hiding, eating her lunch. Maura smiled when she saw Cailin was videoing her.

‘Hi Cailin!’ Maura said when she answered, ‘how was your biochem final?’

‘Maura!’ Cailin’s voice was harried, her cheeks flushed, her breathing elevated, ‘she propositioned me!’

‘Wait,’ Maura said, eyebrows knitting together in confusion, ‘who? What?

‘My lab partner!’ Cailin said sounding vaguely panicked.

‘Okay,’ Maura said, ‘and what exactly did she proposition you for? Sex, a date, cheating on your exam?’

‘Yes, that!’ Cailin said her amber eyes darting around on the screen.

Maura frowned, ‘that was not terribly specific.’

‘She flirted with me! Asked me out!’ Cailin retorted back, her breathy desperation drowning out the half attempted eye roll for her sister’s cluelessness.

‘Oh,’ Maura said feeling suddenly vulnerable at the notion that Cailin might have a problem with a woman hitting on her, ‘is that a problem?’

‘Yes!’ Cailin said, ‘aren’t you paying attention?!’

Maura took a deep breath, ‘I understand you’re upset. I just fail to see how this is a problem. Did you tell her you weren’t interested?’

‘Yes- wait- no,’ Cailin said, shoving her hair back from her face with a groan. ‘It all happened so fast. We’ve been friendly all semester and I thought it was just… you know friendly flirtation. But then I was telling her about you and Jane and she asked me how I feel about women and I got flustered.’

‘Well,’ Maura said trying to maintain a neutral tone, ‘how do you feel about women?’

‘I like them, I mean,’ Cailin groaned, ‘I mean, I like them as humans. Not that I don’t like them as romantic partners. Just that I don’t want to like any humans in _that_ way. Romantically, I mean. Man or woman. Right now.’

Maura nodded in understanding,oddly relieved by her sister’s answer, ‘okay so you told her you weren’t interested in dating right now?’

‘Um,’ Cailin squeaked out in a range much higher than her normal tone, indicating her current level of discomfort. ‘Sorta but not really,’ Cailin said sitting down on what appeared to be a very cold bench with a huff.

‘But if you aren’t interested why didn’t you tell her that Cailin?’ Maura asked, tilting her head to the right as she considered her flustered little sister.

‘I did, kind of,’ Cailin said, a blush rising to her cheeks. ‘She asked how I feel about women and I sort of muttered something about liking them or whatever and then she asked what I thought of her and she was really adorable, okay? So I sort of just said the first thing that came to mind.’

‘And that was?’ Maura asked patiently.

‘That she was really su-super cute and I like her a lot but that right now I’m focusing on becoming a doctor,’ Cailin managed to get out with only a small stutter.

Maura grinned, ‘so you like her?’

Cailin blushed, ‘No. Yes. Stop confusing me!’

Maura laughed, ‘I’m not trying to confuse you, I’m just trying to understand what happened.’

‘What happened is I told her I was focusing on my studies and then she smiled and asked if we could maybe grab coffee on one of my study breaks and she was so pretty and I…’ Cailin hesitated, looking sheepish, ‘I said I’d think about it and she winked and made me promise to call her later.’

‘Are you going to?’ Maura asked, trying and failing to hide a smile, ‘call her I mean?’

‘Yes,’ Cailin huffed with a blush.

Maura laughed again at her little sister, ‘so not only did you finish your biochem final but you landed a date? Not bad Cailin.’

‘But Maura!’ Cailin whined, ‘she’s a distraction!’

That made Maura laugh harder, ‘maybe but she could be a good one!’

‘Yeah, like _you_ spent your college years distracted by romantic dalliances,’ Cailin said, attempting to cross her arms while also keeping Maura in sight. It wasn’t lost on Maura that Cailin was trying to be like her. It was quite flattering.

‘Actually,’ Maura said with a grin, ‘I’ve always had a very healthy and active sex life. The release of dopamine triggered from an orgasm can be beneficial for short term memory.’

Cailin’s jaw dropped, ‘you did _not_ just tell me to get laid before reviewing my notecards.’

Maura laughed, ‘no.’ Then Maura considered it for a minute, ‘actually that isn’t the worst idea.’ When her sister glared at her Maura cracked a smile. ‘Though you may want to find out if your partner is turned on by notecards in bed first.’ Cailin rolled her eyes at that making Maura laugh again.

‘I’m just not ready to hand my life over to someone else. Mum has been in love with Paddy since she was 18 and you and Jane could barely do twelve weeks apart,’ Cailin said with a pout.

’No one is asking you to fall in love Cailin, it’s just a date,’ Maura said teasingly, ‘go have some fun. Take a study break, get to know someone a little better. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.’

Cailin shifted, considering Maura’s words. ‘How did you feel when you met Jane?’

Maura frowned, ‘annoyed. She was a sex worker and trying to buy coffee but she didn’t have any cash on her and the barista was giving her a hard time. I bought her coffee for her and offered her some highly practical tips to take care of herself in her chosen profession and she bit my head off. It was very rude.’

Cailin blinked at her. ‘You’re joking. I didn’t know Jane worked as a sex worker.’

‘Oh,’ Maura said blushing as she realised what she had said, ‘she didn’t. She was undercover as a sex worker.’

Cailin smiled wryly at her, ‘that makes so much more sense now. What about later, when you got to know her? How did you know she would be important to you?’

Maura considered the question. ‘I don’t know. I guess it was just a bunch of little things. Like when she stopped the other detectives from calling me Queen of the Dead. I’ve never been good at people but Jane never made that a problem. She defended me. Befriended me. Then Charles Hoyt kidnapped her for the first time and I was trying to help Korsack find her and…. I don’t know I was just desperate to find her. I knew I needed her in my life even if it took us a while to figure out what that looked like.’

‘So you didn’t just know?’ Cailin asked shyly, ‘you didn’t have this feeling that if you started something it could be like really, really important?’

‘Do _you_ have that feeling Cailin?’ Maura asked, feeling proud that she was picking up at least some of the unspoken cues. Jane would be proud of her for gumshoeing.

‘Maybe,’ Cailin muttered darkly.

Maura knew better than to try and force an answer. ‘Well, I think its perfectly acceptable to date for fun and only for fun but if you happen to find someone to love it won’t matter if it came at the wrong moment. The love you’ll share will be worth it. Besides any one who loves you will help you accomplish your dreams, not keep you from them. Like how Jane supported me in writing my book even though it meant 3 months apart.’

‘So you’re saying I can focus on being a doctor _and_ go on a date with the pretty lady?’ Cailin asks with the first hints of excitement peeking through her smile.

‘Yes,’ Maura said swallowing a giggle, ‘you can focus on your studies and go on a date with a beautiful woman.’

Cailin grinned at her, ‘thanks Maura! Do me a favour?’

‘Besides talking you in to saying yes to a date with a pretty girl?’ Maura teased.

Cailin cleared her throat, ‘yeah, besides that.’

‘Okay,’ Maura said cheerily.

‘Don’t tell mum?!’ Cailin asks, pleading with big brown eyes.

‘Cailin,’ Maura said in a tone that sounded whiney even to her, ‘you know I can’t lie.’

Cailin batted her eyelashes, ‘so don’t lie. Just don’t talk to her about my love life. Pleeease?’

Maura sighed, ‘I can promise to not bring it up but if she asks me directly….’

‘She won’t,’ Cailin said with a grin. ‘Thanks Maura. You’re the best big sister I’ve ever had.’

Maura laughed shaking her head, ‘I’m your only big sister.’

‘Where’s the lie though?! Cailin asks tilting her head to the side with a big grin. Then Cailin’s face fell as she noticed the time, ‘shit I gotta go Maur. Gotta get to my last final!’

‘Bye,’ Maura said with a head shake, ‘good luck!’

‘Bye!’ Cailin said blowing kisses at her phone, ‘love you! Thanks for the advice!’ The line went dead before Maura could respond. Smiling to herself, Maura finished her lunch and prepared herself to finish her book tour. Maura was touched that Cailin had called to ask her advice. She wasn’t at all certain she had handled it correctly, she’d have to check with Jane later, but Maura felt tentatively pleased with their discussion. Maura stood, taking a steadying breath before returning to the signing. This was it, after all, the last few hours of her book tour and then she was all Jane’s. It gave Maura a happy kind of buzz knowing Jane would be waiting for her. Enough to get her happily through the rest of the day even if her hand was cramping from all the books she had signed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to make a real quick personal ask here. The kid I mentored through junior high, high school and now in to college is transitioning and he is hosting a go fund me for his top surgery. He's a really great guy and I am really hoping to help him get the funding he needs as the worlds best gift. Obviously, we're in a pandemic and recession so I understand if you're not in a place to do anything to help. If, however, you are and you've ever thought 'gee this author is great and I wish I could do more than like or comment!' Now is your chance. If every one who gave kudos on this story donated the cost of coffee and a pastry ($10) to Dylan, we'd get him over his goal! This is his go fund me link: https://gf.me/u/y3xf7y
> 
> To be clear, I am not asking you to donate to keep reading or to keep me writing! I don't own these characters and am not trying to spin a profit. I recieve zero of these funds. Just trying to make a friends holiday! Thanks for reading, liking, commenting and if you're able, donating. 
> 
> Negative comments in regards to Trans people or trans surgery will not be tolerated. Thanks!


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Kidnapping, stalking, threatening violence, mentions of abuse physical and sexual, threatening abuse, murder

Aarna tapped her fingers on her knee as she waited for Agent Rizzoli to come collect her. Noemi had been disappointingly mute about the final exam, resisting all of Aarna’s charms and promising only that Aarna would ‘like it’. Which was absurd. Who liked their finals? Only Noie and her nerdy self and maybe Doctor Isles. Yep, Aarna smiled to herself, Doctor Isles definitely seemed the type to enjoy her finals. Aarna’s phone buzzed. Aarna’s heart fluttered when she saw Noie’s text: _You’ve got this!_ Aarna was just debating texting back when a very relieved and tired looking recruit exited with Agent Rizzoli. Rizzoli said something Aarna couldn’t quite hear to the recruit, wearing a smile that wasn’t quite reassuring, before turning on Aarna.

‘You’re up Dhar,’ Rizzoli said. Aarna turned off her phone and tried to centre herself under the mischievous glee she saw in Jane’s eyes. She was in for it now. Aarna stood to look her instructor and friend in the eyes. She saw a spark of concern in Jane’s face, ‘you okay recruit? You aren’t going to pass out on me are you? I’ve got a hot date I don’t want to be late to.’

Aarna licked suddenly dry lips, ‘I’m well. I won’t keep you from Doctor Isles. In fact, feel free to pass me on the spot and call it a day.’

‘Ha. Ha. Ha.’ Jane said dryly. ‘You’re about to run your first crime scene recruit. You’re the lead Agent and you’ll be graded on your ability to work a crime scene. I know its a dummy in there but if you do it right, the next one won’t be and its my job to make sure you don’t muck up the first case you’re handed. I don’t expect you to solve the case though you might pull it off in the end. Your grade is not dependent on breaking the case though, its dependent on how you work the case. Got it?’

Aarna nodded, her mouth dry, ‘I understand.’

‘Any questions?’ Jane asked.

‘I assume you’re here to be an impartial observer,’ Aarna said airily, trying to fake her way in to a confident pose. This was it. Her last final. The last thing standing between her and her dream was a very intimidating woman that Aarna admired more than anyone. Gods help her.

‘That’s correct. I will provide information at specific time intervals or as you uncover clues. I can also tell you how much time you have left. I will not answer questions or give hints.’ Jane’s face was mostly unreadable but Aarna thought she saw a challenge there. As though Jane was daring her to solve this case. Aarna rolled her head from side to side, loosening her neck and shoulders before nodding to Jane.

Jane opened the door to crime scene tape across the doorway and Aarna had to resist laughing at the ‘crime scene’ in front of her. A dummy and, judging by the smell of tomato and vinegar, ketchup made up most of the crime scene. Jane had drawn X’s for eyes and a tongue sticking out on the dummy’s face. Aarna grinned at Jane, earning a small one in return before she dug around for some gloves in her backpack, forgoing the box of gloves obviously sitting on the desk in front of her. Jane actually did smile at her that time. One of Jane’s first lessons had been to throw a bag of gloves at every recruit and tell them never to go anywhere without them ever again. Jane had even had ‘pop quizzes’ in which they each had to produce a pair of clean gloves or risk being dismissed for the lesson. Jane’s motto was you never knew where you’d find evidence. Aarna had suspected that quite a few of her classmates had gotten points knocked off for not having their own gloves on hand.

Aarna looked for a log to record her entrance but did not see one so she turned to Jane. ‘Agent Aarna Dhar. Trainee ID 3142 5667 7658.’ Jane noted it down.

‘You’ve got point Agent Dhar’ Jane said before lifting the tape with a pen to admit Aarna.

Aarna stepped carefully under, the tape and then looked at Jane. ‘Is there designated camera equipment?’ Jane fished out a digital camera from her back pocket. Aarna turned it on and checked for any left over photos before she started documenting anything. When it was clear Aarna looked around once more, ‘do we have evidence markers?’ Jane pulled a handful of yellow laminated cards with sequential numbers from the back of her clipboard and passed them over. Aarna began the process of documenting everything. Starting with a few general shots of the scene, making sure she had a digital timestamp on every photo. After, she began laying out evidence tags and photographing them with the evidence. She was careful to avoid stepping in ‘blood’ or touching the dummy’s ‘body.’

‘Agent Rizzoli?’ Aarna asked as she bent over looking at the dummy, ‘will the ME be joining us?’

Jane grinned, stepping smoothly to the body and pulling it up to sit in it’s seat. Then she passed Aarna a list of notes that were congruent with a preliminary medical exam. Aarna read them carefully before asking, ‘okay to touch now?’

Jane nodded and wrote another note. For a moment Aarna wondered what she was writing before her attention turned to the dummy. Aarna thought Jane might have a future as a ketchup painter if she wanted it. The dummy appeared to have a self inflicted gun shot wound, the shot entering his right temple and exiting his left. The toy gun lay on the desk just beyond his right hand. Ketchup pooled around the desk and on the dummies head and face. A convincing splatter pattern coated the wall. Aarna looked at both hands. ‘Agent there’s some black residue on the left palm. Is there a way to test for GSR?’

Jane produced another set of notes. Some GSR on both hands. The black mark was broken down in to a series of chemical dyes, pigments and water. Ink. Aarna frowned, a hypothesis forming. She looked back at the ME’s notes, ‘the ME ruled this a suicide.’ Jane looked at her expectantly. Aarna tip toed around the scene again chewing her lower lip. ‘I think the ME is wrong. The gun was fired as though the victim was right handed but the office is set up for a left handed person, further more the victim has ink on his writing hand.’

Jane grinned at her and handed her another set of notes, this time ruling the death a suspicious death. Aarna shifted through the notes carefully, trying to make sense of the victim’s information. She shifted through the personal, the financial and the professional. She nibbled her cheek before looking around the office again. ‘Is there a list of people who had access to the office?’ Another list. And so it went. Aarna would ask a question and Jane would feed her some minute bit of information, enough to spur more questions but never enough to form a whole picture. Half of it conflicted with itself. Aarna had to admit it was an intriguing game and she knew Noie had been right. She was loving this. She almost forgot there was time limit until Jane informed her she had fifteen minutes remaining.

‘Was there a second interview with the secretary?’ Jane passed her another paper, her eyes sparkling with an invigorating gleam. Aarna was close. She could feel it. She skimmed the interview before circling the dummy again, letting a mental image of the man’s life form. She felt herself settle in to his frame of mind, let herself walk in his shoes, as she circled and circled.

‘Five minutes Dhar,’ Jane muttered quietly, not wanting to disturb the process.

Aarna flipped back to her autopsy report. Her eyes fell on a particular injury report. ‘Agent Rizzoli?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I believe I’m ready to submit a final report,’ Aarna said taking a deep breath. ‘It was suicide after all. The victim was having personal problems, he was in love with his married secretary which was why he chose to commit suicide at work. He wanted her to be the one to find him. He was also in financial trouble which may have motivated him some as well. The reason he pulled the trigger with his right hand instead of his left is because of an injury her had to his left rotator cuff and bicep which would have made the angle he took hard for the left side to make. Most men would shoot themselves through the mouth but he wanted his love to see his face. He wanted her to see him. To finally, truly see him, and to regret him. So he shot with his right hand to leave his face unblemished. The secretary’s alibi is tight and she is no longer a suspect in this investigation.’

Jane’s face remained impassive but she marked a few things more before gesturing Aarna out the door. ‘You’re dismissed recruit.’

Aarna, who had followed Agent Rizzoli out, balked as she looked at Jane. ‘That’s it? You aren’t going to tell me if I solved it correctly?’ She pulled off her gloves, putting them in to an evidence bag, labelling them with her name, the crime scene number and her ID number before dropping them inside the door.

Jane winked at her, ‘nope. You’ll get your grade the same time every one else does.’

Aarna stares at Agent Rizzoli with an open mouth. ‘That’s so unfair, Agent Rizzoli!’ She couldn’t believe Jane was going to leave her in suspense.

‘Oh Dhar this is the easy stuff. If you get it wrong, the dummy won’t care. Just wait until someone is being locked up for life because of you.’ Jane said emphatically. Aarna winced. ‘Learn to live with uncertainty, it’ll keep you from getting too comfortable and convicting the wrong person. Justice rarely feels certain Dhar.’

Aarna considered this, looking in to Jane’s office over her shoulder. ‘Your office smells. You should probably clean all that ketchup now.’

Jane cackles. Actually cackles at her. Which was why Aarna missed that they had company, noticing too late as a pair of strong hands grabbed at Agent Rizzoli pulling her away without warning or compromise. They pulled hard enough to startle a yell from Agent Rizzoli before she was pulled backwards out of the covered hallway and in to the night. Aarna darted after her, into the cover of darkness and snow.

* * *

Vinnie wakes before the sun, his eyes popping open in the dark, wide and wild. Today was the day he made Maura Isles pay. Vinnie could hardly breath as he prepared for the day, dressing in overly large clothes that wasn’t readily identifiable. Everything depended on him doing things just right. Starting and ending with a clean break away. It was imperative no one recognised him. If he played his cards right, he’d be home _with company_ by dinner time. He’d have several hours to play with her before any one would even suspect she was missing. Vinnie felt a thrill travel up his spine as he considered his plans for the evening. Taking her from Maura Isles was just the start. He was going to make sure he exacted every anguished thought he’d had about Maura Isles on her. She’d learn to loathe the name Maura Isles as much as Vinnie had. And when he was done, he’d walk away. Disappear in to the woods. They might find her in the spring, if the snow melted early, or perhaps late summer when the stench of her would call all manner of creatures to the cabin. It didn’t really matter. Not to Vinnie. He’d be gone. A ghost of a memory. Maybe he’d find Mia, show her exactly what he had done. Maybe he’d hunt down every woman who had ever so much as looked at Vinnie wrong. Women every where would fear him and men every where would envy and respect him. It didn’t matter any more, as long as he knew Maura Isles would live every day knowing she had caused this. Vinnie could hardly contain his glee.

Vinnie left early, sparing a glance at the grey sky. It was going to snow and Vinnie couldn’t help but feel vindicated. The universe was gifting him with cover and privacy to extract his revenge. Everything was working perfectly. He parked in the one spot he had avoided for the last several weeks, knowing it was secluded and close to her final class. Tucking his poncho under an arm he made his way to the coffee shop down the block. He ordered himself a large coffee and decided to treat himself with a pastry, after all, it had taken hard work and patience to make it to today. He thought he deserved something special. He smiled in to his coffee as he considered the treat he was in for in just a few hours. He whiled away the first part of the day with a newspaper watching as she hurried in and out of the buildings. Much as it pained Vinnie, he knew he had to wait for the majority of the people here to head home. At lunch, Vinnie wandered off, searching for something to satisfy a craving he couldn’t quite give in to. He knew where he’d find her.

After what felt like an eternity, Vinnie grinned ear to ear as he watched the sun sink below the horizon. Street lamps every where popped on, casting long shadows on the world around him. That worked to his advantage. The snow, which had been falling on and off all day, gained a sudden chill, the wind whipping it in to a flurry. Vinnie watched as she emerged with another woman, standing in a covered hallway talking, protected against the snow. Vinnie tugged on his poncho. Vinnie pulled out the phone he had purchased months ago, dealing the one number he had programmed in it. He watched the woman as the phone rang in his ear, once, twice, before the woman on the other side of the phone answered.

‘Doctor Isles,’ the woman said. Vinnie couldn’t suppress the shiver of pleasure in his back.

‘Hello Doctor Isles,’ Vinnie said, ‘I’ve been waiting a very long time to meet you. I’m sorry it has to be done over the phone. I’d much prefer to do this in person.’

‘I’m sorry, who is this?’ Maura Isles had the audacity to ask, her voice cold. Vinnie wanted to scream that she had no right to talk to him that way but that would draw unnecessary attention to himself.

‘You don’t know me yet. We haven’t had the pleasure.’ Vinnie kept his voice calm and quiet, though it took every ounce of self control he had. ‘You took away my family.’

‘Vincent Russo?’ Maura asked softly.

Vinnie laughed, keeping it quiet so that the woman he was watching wouldn’t hear, ‘so you do know me.’

A sigh met his ears. Vinnie wished he was doing this in person. He would smack that petulant sound right from her lips. ‘I didn’t take your family Mr. Russo.’

‘Bullshit,’ Vinnie hissed, ‘you took Isabella. You made Mia run. She took my sons with her.’

‘Because you were beating and raping them,’ Maura shot back heatedly.

’I was the man of the house _,_ ’ Vinnie growled, ‘it was my _right_. It wasn’t as if that bastard girl was mine.’

‘No one has the right to beat and rape another person,’ Maura retorted, ’and thinking you have that right because you have a penis doesn’t make you a man Russo.’

‘No, having balls and the power to take what I want makes me a man and I’m about to show you exactly what I mean,’ Vinnie said with a grin, taking his first step towards the women in the alcove.

‘What do you mean?’ Maura asked. Vinnie knew she was trying to hide it but he could hear the fear in her voice. He fed off of it, shivering with delight.

‘The bible says an eye for an eye, Maura Isles. You took my family and now I’m going to take yours. I’ll teach you both the kind of obedience a man like me deserves. I’m going to take everything I want from her over and over again and there’s nothing you can do about it.’ Vinnie laughed lightly. He’d never felt such overwhelming pleasure in his life. ‘Say goodbye Maura Isles.’ He hung up, snapping the phone in half and dropping it in the trash as he moved long ways around the building.

This was it. The moment his months of careful planning would finally pay off. Vinnie knew where every light, every camera, was. He inched in to the space just beyond the women’s alcove, preparing to take what he wanted. He fidgeted as the women went on. He wanted to take her _now._ He’d waited long enough, damn it! And then they were shifting, she was an arm’s length away. It was her laughter that broke him. She was too close. He was too close. Everything he wanted was right there in front of him and all he had to do was pull and she was _laughing?!_ Vinnie couldn’t stand it. He wouldn’t stand for it. He lunged, grabbing, tugging hard enough to startle a scream from her that made Vinnie’s heart race. He wanted, no, he needed to hear more, but not right now. He needed her silence so he shoved his hand over her mouth as he dragged her backwards in to the cover of darkness and snow.

‘Shut up bitch, if you make a sound I’ll snap your neck,’ Vinnie growled in to her dark hair. She stiffened but nodded and Vinnie pulled her roughly against the back of the building just as the woman she had been talking by ran out, yelling her name. Vinnie watched as she turned on the spot, peering in to the darkness, trying to find them. Vinnie felt his prize tense in his arms, he could tell she was thinking of fighting him. ’Try it. I’d love an excuse to shoot you both,’ Vinnie whispered hotly in her ear, ‘you wouldn’t want to get her killed now would you? She’s sooo young, pretty too.’ All the tension flooded from her at once and Vinnie grinned. ‘That’s good, very good. You’re going to learn how useless it is to fight me.’ The woman in his arms nodded and Vinnie began pulling her away, edging in to the night and further away from the rest of the world.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger resolution, sorta. (There's still one more part before everything makes sense though) 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Abuse, kidnapping, assault, graphic depictions of violence, general awfulness for which I profusely apologize. 
> 
> The worst of it is in the second part and all you really need to read is the last line there so feel free to skip if its too much.

Maura stretched, trying to swallow a yawn as the last of the customers made their way out of the bookstore. She rolled out her right wrist, shaking it lightly, trying to ease the tingling she felt. Maura wasn’t sure she had ever signed her names so many times before. She was done, finally done. She could put the celebrity behind her and go back to being plain old Doctor Isles with her Jane. The idea was captivating.

Maura’s phone buzzed. A glance told her it was an unknown number. She plugged in her headset, answering quietly so as not to disturb the book store patrons around her, ‘Doctor Isles.’

‘Hello Doctor Isles,’ a man’s warm tenor spoke through her headset, ‘I’ve been waiting a very long time to meet you. I’m sorry it has to be done over the phone. I’d much prefer to do this in person.’

Maura felt a shiver move up her back. Something was wrong. She knew her subconscious must be picking up on clues but the rest of her mind hadn’t caught up yet. Without any other recourse she did the only thing she could think of. She texted Nina and Frankie: _Need your help. Track the number calling my phone._ As she texted she responded, ‘I’m sorry who is this?’ She needed information. Evidence to support her hypothesis that something was amiss. Mostly, she needed to keep the man talking to give Nina time to run a trace.

‘You don’t know me yet. We haven’t had the pleasure,’ the man said. Maura felt physically repulsed by the way the man said pleasure, invoking a sensation that was anything but. His voice was trembling, as though he was fighting to maintain control of his emotions, ‘you took away my family.’

Maura’s mind was like a spinning kaleidoscope, twisting and turning, trying to make sense of it all. At the word family, the spinning stopped, settling in to place leaving a crystal clear image. She knew who she was talking to. She would have to apologise to Jane later for being so very wrong. ‘Vincent Russo?’ Maura asked rhetorically.

Laughter that made Maura’s skin crawl echoed the phone. Vincent sounded pleased when he spoke ‘so you do know me.’ Maura’s phone buzzed with a text from Nina. One single word that kept Maura focused and afloat in this nightmare: _tracing._

Maura’s sigh was one of relief more than anything but she knew he wouldn’t be able to tell that. Nina had her back. ‘I didn’t take your family Mr. Russo,’ Maura said, trying to inject arrogance in to her words. The angrier he was, the more likely he was to make a mistake, to reveal some key piece of information. Anything.

‘Bullshit,’ came the angry reply, ‘you took Isabella. You _made_ Mia run. She took my _sons_ with her.’ Every word was dripping in disdain.

Maura saw Panda’s face, the bruises Maura had so carefully catalogued. Anger surged through her, making her vision blur and her hands shake. The things she wanted to do to this man. ‘Because you were _beating_ and _raping_ them,’ Maura said, letting her anger infuse her words with heat. She’d make it clear exactly what she thought of this despicable man.

‘I was the man of the house,’ Vincent spoke with entitlement and rage in equal measure. ‘It was my _right,_ ’ Vincent said with an air of self-righteousness that made Maura want to gag. Then in a dismissive tone he said that spurred Maura to the core he said, ‘it wasn’t as if that bastard girl was mine.’

Maura wanted to scream at the implication that Panda, her Panda, was expendable because she didn’t share this horrible man’s DNA. She wanted to tear this man’s testicles off and shove them down his throat. She wanted to tear out his heart and put it on a stake. Maura was glad in that moment that they weren’t face to face and she wasn’t permitted to carry a gun because she knew she would have shot him then and there. ‘No one has the right to beat and rape another person,’ Maura began, her anger growing, ‘and thinking you have that right because you have a penis doesn’t make you a man Russo.’ Maura hoped every word she spoke burned the man like acid.

‘No,’ Vinnie said sounding for all the world like he was agreeing with her. ‘Having balls and the power to take what I want makes me a man and I’m about to show you exactly what I mean.’

Maura’s blood ran cold, her heart thumped loudly in her chest. She couldn’t quite keep the fear from her voice and she hated that he knew he scared her. ‘What do you mean?’ Maura had to keep him talking. She had to find out what he was doing.

‘The bible says an eye for an eye Maura Isles,’ Vincent said her name with a possessive disdain that surprised Maura. ‘You took my family and now I’m going to take yours. I’ll teach you both the kind of obedience a man like me deserves.’ Maura’s mind raced. Who? Who was he going to teach? Who was he after? Maura had thought he was going to take her. Maura thought she was his target and now her brain was trying to reboot. To reprogram, recalculate. Her stomach churned as she realised, it wasn’t her. Russo was going after someone else, someone she loved and it would be Maura’s fault because she hadn’t taken Jane seriously. Vincent sneered ‘I’m going to take everything I want from her over and over again and there’s nothing you can do about it.’ The taunt echoed in Maura’s ears, making them ring in horror. Maura almost missed his parting jab, ‘say goodbye Maura Isles.’ Maura strained to hear who he was after. Who she was supposed to be saying goodbye to. Maura sobbed when she met with the click of the receiver on the other side and silence.

A buzz made her look at her phone. Nina had texted her the location trace. Maura felt as though she swallowed lava, white hot pain erupting in her lungs. Jane. She had to get to Jane. Maura grabbed her purse and jacket and left without another word. As she headed out, she tried to call Jane, cursing when it went right to voicemail so Maura left her a message, ‘Jane, honey, I need to speak with you immediately. Please call me when you get this.’ She climbed in to the front seat of her car, firing off a text saying the same thing before plugging in the fastest route to Jane’s work. It was too long, too far. Maura took a few controlled breaths, willing the bile and panic to settle in to a solitary thought. She had to get to Jane.

Maura’s phone rang as she began driving, ‘Doctor Isles?’ Maura answered with a flinch. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear more from Russo or never hear from him again. To her relief it was Nina.

‘Maura? What’s going on? Why did you need me to trace that call?’ Nina’s voice was thick with worry.

‘Is it still called a ransom call if they only called to tell you they’re kidnapping someone but don’t demand any money?’ Maura asked, thinking out loud more than she was answering Nina’s question.

‘What?’ Nina all but yelled in to the phone.

‘Never mind,’ Maura said thrusting the etymological question away, ‘can you send a squad car to that trace location?’

‘Technically? No.’ Nina said with a sigh, ‘there’s no legal reason for me to have run that trace and the jurisdiction issues would be a nightmare. Unofficially? Yeah.' 

‘Great! Thanks Nina!’ Maura said as she merged on the highway, driving at faster than strictly permitted speeds.

‘Maura?’ Nina asked, ‘are you sure it was a kidnapping?’

‘Yes. No. I don’t know Nina,’ Maura said, a crack in her composure threatened to let all of her fears spill out. ‘Just let me know if the patrol finds anything.’

‘Okay Maura. Frankie and I are only a call away if you need us,’ Nina said, her tone troubled.

Maura hit the end button without responding. She was grateful for Frankie and Nina and Maura was sure they would do everything they could to help her but they weren’t Jane. Maura needed Jane.

* * *

Vinnie felt a laugh bubble in his throat as he sped down the highway. He had done it! A glance at the woman next to him brought another shiver of joy through his spine. He reached towards her, grinning when she flinched away. He grabbed some of the silky strands of dark hair that framed her face, marvelling in its softness. How long had it been since he’d touched a woman?

‘What do you want with me?’ she asked, her voice full of false confidence. Vinnie could hear the tremor in her voice.

Vinnie shot another look at her before yanking the hair in his fist, pulling harshly drawing the most beautiful yelp from her throat. ‘You speak when you’re spoken to,’ Vinnie growled, ‘understood.’ She nodded, her brown eyes wet and wide with fear. It made Vinnie’s throat constrict with want. He pressed harder on the accelerator urging the old beater to a hurry.

‘Please,’ she whispered, ‘let me go. Please.’

Vinnie fisted a handful of hair, ramming the back of her head in to the dash with the most satisfying crunch. ‘Be quiet,’ he hissed. The most gorgeous purple spot began blossoming over her dark eyebrows. A small trickle of blood fell sluggishly from a cut. Vinnie grinned when she sat silent, looking at him with equal parts fear and anger. ‘Do you want to know why you’re here?'

The woman nodded, her eyes glazed with pain. Vinnie was tempted to hit her. He asked her a question and he expected an answer but he didn’t want to waste all his fun before he got home so he would let it slide. ‘You’re here because Maura Isles stole my family from me. That wench who calls herself a doctor has been parading all over the country, her face on every channel, haunting me. Taunting me. Do you know how hard it is to sit day after day watching that whore pretend she’s a good person? An honourable person? A competent doctor?’

‘Maura’s a great doctor,’ the woman beside him said groggy from the pain.

Vinnie sneered, ‘you would think so. But real men know that women can’t be doctors. Women are good for nothing but fucking and sucking. It’s a lesson you’re going to learn the hard way and you have your precious Maura to thank for that.’

Vinnie shuddered at the small whimper she made. He was going to enjoy every minute of this. Vinnie took the exit towards the cabin, the truck jostling as the road turned from pavement to gravel to dirt. ‘Take a good look around,’ Vinnie said with a laugh, ‘this is the last place you’ll ever see.’

Vinnie saw the instant her body tensed, knew that she was going to do something stupid. Beating her to it, he grabbed her by the back of her head and slammed it in to the dash, hard enough to knock her out. He sighed in to the surrounding silence. Now he’d have to nurse her back before his fun could being. It irritated him to have to be patient when what he wanted was so close but Vinnie was a virtuous man. He could wait. After all he wanted her to be fully conscious for his next lesson.

Vinnie threw the truck in park in front of the cabin, a slow smile playing over his lips. He leaned in close to the unconscious woman’s ear, breathing in the soft scent of her shampoo. His lips brushed the hot skin behind her ear, ‘I’m going to have so much fun with you Cailin.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, y'all we've hit the big twist! I know it doesn't all make sense yet but we're getting there. 
> 
> I also wanted to say thank you all so much for reading, even though its gotten unexpectedly dark! This is a hair's breath from 20,000 hits and I'm so honored you guys like this and read and engage with me. It feeds my fandom nerd soul! So thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart! Sending you all love (even if you're all currently hating me for where we are in this story)! <3


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Panic, kidnapping
> 
> Since this is in such a dark place I thought you all might enjoy some of the fluff I've been reading from other authors! So here's a short starting list! 
> 
> cloudyunicorn698 - Wish Upon a Star 
> 
> missymeggins - (series) all of you, all of me (intertwined)
> 
> osteology_girl - Christmas with the Rizzoli’s
> 
> GypsyHope - Wonderful Unknown 
> 
> coolbyrne - A Fine Proposal

Maura threw her car in park at the loading zone, ripping her keys from the ignition before dashing off in to the night. Jane. Her brain told her. Get to Jane. The trace Nina had sent her was burned in to her eyelids, a mere two hundred feet from the premed building at BCU. Cailin’s premed building. An eye for an eye, a family for a family. Maura sped up, running through the FBI academy grounds with reckless abandon until she found the one person who could fix this.

Jane was standing in a covered hallway, talking to Aarna. Maura lunged, grabbing Jane, pulling her back towards the car.

‘Hey!’ Jane yelped when Maura grabbed her, ‘what the?’ Jane spun, breaking Maura’s hold. Maura barely contained the screaming sob threatening to erupt from her chest. ‘Maura?’ Jane asked indignantly.

‘Agent Rizzoli!’ Aarna came skidding to a stop beside them, ‘are you o-Doctor Isles?’

‘Cailin’s been kidnapped,’ Maura says ignoring Aarna.

‘What? Maura what are you talking about?’ Jane asked, uncertainty dawning on her face as she took Maura in.

‘Russo has her Jane. Russo took Cailin,’ Maura said, willing some of what she was saying to resister. ‘We have to go now.’

‘How do you know?’ Jane asked, reaching for Maura, to comfort her. Maura moved back, not willing to be comforted in this moment.

‘Jane. Russo has Cailin.’ Maura said, her voice rising in to a yell. What didn’t Jane understand. ‘He has her and he’s going to kill her. Now, _please.’_

Finally, _finally_ Jane moved. ‘What happened?’

‘Where’d you park?’ Aarna asked interrupting them. She had her phone in hand.

‘The loading zone.’ Maura asked baffled and too strung out to care, ‘Jane please.’ She knew she was begging. Making some horrible broken sound.

‘How do you know Maura?’ Jane asked, willing her to calm down, ‘tell me what happened.’

Maura did a combination of a walk and jog back to the car as she talked. ‘He called me and I knew something was wrong so I had Nina trace the call. He said I took his family so he was going to take mine. He was on the BCU campus. The premed building. Cailin’s building. Jane.’ Maura grabbed Jane’s hand now, pulling her faster. ‘We have to get to Boston. Now.’

‘Do you know where he took her?’ Jane asked, the detective in her trying to fit together the pieces she didn’t have. ‘Did you let our surveillance team know? Or the police? Anyone?’

Maura hesitated, her eyes falling on a familiar black van. She hadn’t even considered them. Then Maura bolted, straight for the van door. She pounded with every bit of strength she could. She just missed smashing Dean’s face in with her fist when he pulled it open.

‘What the?’ Dean asked, ducking his head just in time.

‘Vincent Russo kidnapped my sister,’ Maura all but screamed at him. ‘Do something?’

‘What?’ Dean asked looking from Maura to Jane. ‘What is she talking about?’

Maura tried to launch herself at him. Why wasn’t he doing something? Why wasn’t anyone doing anything? Strong arms held her back and Jane’s voice filled her ears, ‘it’s okay Maur. I got this.’

Jane pushed her back in to Aarna’s waiting hands. ‘Doctor Isles received a ransom call. Vincent Russo kidnapped her half sister Cailin Martin in Boston. You’re the first law enforcement member we could contact. You need to mobilise agents in Boston. He took her from the pre-med building at BCU. And someone needs to notify Hope Martin.’

‘Rizzoli,’ Dean sighed, ‘we’re already working a case.’

Jane grabbed Dean by the shirt, pulling him out of the van. ‘Damn it Dean! You know as well as I do that every minute counts in a kidnapping. And don’t pretend you don’t have agents watching Hope. Tell them to get in there and inform her.’

Dean stumbled, struggling to find his footing in the snow with a very angry Jane Rizzoli keeping him off kilter. ‘Okay,’ Dean said, ‘okay. We’ll let them know.’

Jane released him, ‘good. Now we’re going to Boston. Surveillance buys its own tickets.’ She turned and tugged Maura back in to the shelter of her arms as she began walking them back to the car.

Maura didn’t have it in her to be surprised to see a grim faced Noemi at the car. The woman had her hair pulled up in a pony tail, her firearm on her hip and was wearing a no-nonsense leather jacket. Maura appreciated that at least one of them looked ready to go. Noemi and Aarna climbed in to the back seat without another word when Maura unlocked the door. Maura saw the nervous face Jane wore when they did but Maura couldn’t help it. Her little sister was missing and Maura would take every bit of help she could. Jane pushed Maura towards the passenger seat, plucking the keys from Maura’s hand as she did, saying ‘you aren’t fit to drive.’

Maura didn’t fight her. Couldn’t. She was right. Maura tried to call Cailin for what felt like the millionth time in the last hour. Her stomach churned as the phone went straight to voicemail. Maybe, her brain reasoned, she just turned it off for her final and forgot to turn it on again. Maybe she’s home and safe and I’m panicking over nothing. Maura knew it was a lie but she let herself believe it as she tried Hope again. Nothing. Maura leaned her head back against the head rest feeling sick to her stomach. This was all her fault. White hot tears poured down her cheeks and Maura let them, completely unaware that Jane was talking to her. It was all her fault.

* * *

Noemi was sitting in the window sill of her and Aarna’s shared dorm room watching snow fall outside. Noemi had a love/hate relationship with snow. She loved watching it fall, irregardless of the world around it. She loved the muffled quiet it imposed on the world. The way it seemed to bring everything to a stand still. Sometimes it was the only time Noemi could think. She did not, however, enjoy being cold. Or wet. Or trying to navigate through the cold grey mush it left behind. Noemi sighed. Still this was the first snow fall of the year. Better yet it was Aarna’s first snow fall ever. Noemi couldn’t help that her head was full of romantic notions at that thought. She couldn’t help that she longed for candlelight and lovemaking under the blankets, shut in from the world around it. She was almost certain Aarna wouldn’t mind. Aarna was good at spontaneous romance. A buzz from her phone drew her from her warm cocoon and across the room. Aarna should be finished soon.

Noemi looked at her phone, a frown forming on her face. Aarna had texted but it wasn’t the perfunctory on my way that Noemi expected. Aarna had texted: _Meet me at the loading bay. Immediately._

Noemi frowned. She looked back up at the window. That meant going outside. She was almost ready to text back a hell no when Aarna sent a follow up message: _Doctor Isle’s sister was kidnapped._

That spurred Noemi in to action. She dressed quickly and warmly, pulling on her leather jacket. She pulled her hair up in to a high pony tail and then, after a moments hesitation, she strapped on her firearm. They weren’t supposed to leave the campus with them but Noemi had the sinking feeling that it might be necessary. She was leaving the room in less than 3 minutes.

She hurried across the campus, shuttering against the cold, her head bowed to the snow. Noemi didn’t know what Aarna thought she could do. They weren’t even full agents yet but that didn’t matter. If Aarna said she was needed, she would do whatever she could. Agent Rizzoli and Doctor Isles had been kind and gracious to her. Noemi considered them friends. Thinking that Maura might be hurting made Noemi mad. Mad enough to keep her warm the rest of the way.

One look. All it took was one look and Noemi knew exactly what Aarna was thinking. Neither one of them waited for permission, climbing in to the backseat of Maura’s car. Aarna reached out, giving Noemi’s hand a squeeze. Her eyes were sad, somber. Noemi squeezed back, offering what she hoped was a reassuring smile. Jane and Maura climbed in a moment later. Jane started the car, her eyes darting between the road and the woman beside her. Jane’s face was lined in worry. Maura sat with her head back, tears streaming. Noemi wasn’t good at offering comfort. What did you say to someone whose sister had been kidnapped? So Noemi did what she did best: compartmentalised.

‘What’s the play ma’am?’ Noemi asked Jane, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

‘We’re going to Boston,’ Jane said through gritted teeth. ‘First flight. And you two are driving this car back to my house to get the dogs.’

‘With all due respect ma’am,’ Aarna said softly, ‘we’re staying with you.’

Jane opened her mouth to argue but forgot her argument as the car hit a bit of ice forcing her to readjust. ‘Why Boston?’ Noemi asked, slightly confused. She would go wherever Agent Rizzoli needed her, she just wanted to fit the pieces together.

‘Maura,’ Jane began her eyes looking at the woman beside her when she said it, ‘got a ransom call this afternoon. She traced the call and found out he was kidnapping her sister at her campus in Boston. So that’s where we start. I’ll have my brother start pulling footage and we’ll look for witnesses.’

‘Do we have any leads on a suspect?’ Noemi asked.

At the same time, Aarna asked, ‘who is Vincent Russo?’

‘The child abuser who Maura reported,’ Jane said angrily. ‘Bastard thinks Maura is to blame for taking away his family so he’s trying to get revenge through her little sister.’

‘The one here in DC?’ Noemi asked, ‘what’s he doing in Boston then?’

‘He sounded obsessed,’ Maura spoke at last, her throat hoarse. ‘Not entirely in his right mind. He was fixated on me and what I did. He didn’t care about Cailin. He doesn’t care about Cailin. He just wants to hurt me.’

Jane frowned but kept her eyes on the road. She put a tentative hand on Maura’s lap. Noemi smiled when Maura accepted it, clinging to it like a lifeline, ‘we’ll find her, okay Maur. We will.’

Aarna frowned leaning forward slightly, ‘doesn’t him having a mental breakdown make him more dangerous?’

Maura stifled a sob but nodded. ‘Yes. A psychotic break with reality would make him very dangerous,’ she whispered.

‘If he wants to hurt Maura,’ Noemi asked, chewing on her bottom lip in concentration, ‘then why did he take her sister in Boston?’

Jane and Maura shared a look that Noemi couldn’t quite read. Maura shrugged and Jane answered, ‘probably because he found out that Paddy Doyle is Maura’s biological father and he was afraid the whole Irish Mob would retaliate if he went after Maura. Cailin is the only person in Maura’s family that’s not related to Doyle. To a guy like Russo that makes her easy prey.’

Maura flinched. Noemi knew this must be hard but she couldn’t help herself, ‘so why are we running to Boston? Shouldn’t we stay in DC and run the suspect down on this end?’

The car was silent for a long moment and Noemi wondered if she had said the wrong thing. Then Jane spoke using a tone of voice that was obviously meant for Maura alone, ‘she’s right, you know.’

‘No,’ Maura said angrily, ‘we’re going to find her and I’m going to be there when we do.’

‘Maura,’ Jane sighed, ‘the only one who could tell us anything about Russo is here and the only person who has unfettered access to her is you.’

‘Panda,’ Maura said with a defeated sigh.

‘Not to mention,’ Aarna spoke quietly, ‘if you go to Boston and he sees you he might decide its worth risking the mob’s wrath to hurt you Doctor Isles.’

‘I don’t care about that,’ Maura said dismissively.

‘Well I do,’ Jane said sounding more broken or tired than Noemi had ever heard before, ‘I’ll go to Boston. I’ll help Frankie coordinate the search. You and the recruits go interview Panda. Get me everything she knows. I’ll bring Cailin home.’

Aarna looked at Noemi. Noemi could see the question in every line on her face. She knew what they had to do but she was making sure Noemi was on board. Noemi nodded her head. Aarna sent her a quick wink and opened her mouth to speak but Noemi beat her to it. ‘Actually Agent Rizzoli, you and I will be flying to Boston. Aarna and Doctor Isles can go interview the girl.’

‘That’s not what I-‘ Aarna began.

‘Out of the question-‘ Jane said at the same time.

Maura looked back at her. Noemi met her eyes and tried to promise even in the silence. She’d watch Jane’s back. They’d find Cailin. Maura must have understood some of it because she spoke last cutting them both off. ‘Noemi is correct. I’m not sending you to Boston without a partner and you already passed Noemi for her final so she has technically finished the program.’

Jane opened and closed her mouth before finally shutting it and nodding in acceptance. That would be the end of it from Jane but Noemi could tell by the hurt look in Aarna’s eyes told Noemi it wasn’t the end of it for her. The rest of the ride was spent in uncomfortable silence. Noemi longed to reach out. To touch Aarna. The tension rolling off of her lover was palpable.

Jane pulled up to arrivals, throwing the car in to park before turning back to the pair of them. ‘Give us a minute okay?’ 

Noemi exited with Aarna walking around the car to stand at her side. Aarna refused to look at her. ‘Why?’ Aarna whispered. ‘I thought we weren’t going to protect each other from the job.’

Noemi sighed, ‘I’m not. You’re better with kids Aarna. If Maura and I try to go pull information from that poor kid we’re going to traumatise her. But you’re charming and funny and you’ll find what we need to know without her even realising she’s been interrogated.’

Aarna looked at her now, her eyes wet. Reluctant acceptance was written all over her face, ‘you be safe. Come back to me.’

Noemi pressed forward, claiming Aarna’s lips in a swift kiss. ‘Always, I have something important I need to tell you when I get home.’ Aarna kissed her back with a ferocity that made Noemi gasp.

Agent Rizzoli climbed out of the car. ‘Gun,’ Jane said holding her hand out for the weapon. Noemi handed it over with her holster. ‘Maura would like a word,’ Jane said gesturing to the open door. 'Dhar, with me,’ Jane ordered.

Noemi leaned in to the car to meet Maura’s eyes. They were rimmed in red, green flecks all the more obvious in them. Noemi could see the layers of hurt on her face, ‘I meant what I said Noemi. Jane needs a partner. Don’t let anyone, even her, dismiss you. Watch each other’s back.’

Noemi glanced up to see Jane handing Aarna Noemi’s weapon. Jane was probably telling Aarna the same thing. Noemi looked back at Maura, ‘I’ll guard it with my own, Maura.’

Maura frowned, ‘I didn’t mean… I meant…’

Noemi smiled, trying her best to reassure the hurting woman, ‘I know. We’ll be back before you know it.’

‘That’s right,’ Jane said from behind her. ‘Let’s go buy some tickets partner.’ Jane’s wry smile told Noemi she knew exactly what Maura had been asking her.

Aarna slipped in to the drivers seat, whispering a soft ‘bye’ and Noemi drunk in her face one last time before turning to follow Jane in to the airport. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wanted to clear some things up in case they aren't obvious and around some of the comments from last chapter. 
> 
> Cailin is kidnapped after her last final (just as it gets dark 4:30ish) from Boston. Maura gets a call in Virginia around the same time. She proceeds to try and call Jane who is in finals with Aarna. Can't reach Jane, Cailin or Hope and spirals in to a panic. I tried to channel the Maura that responded to Jane shooting Paddy. That super emotional non rational side. She drives to Jane's campus to find Jane and take her to Boston to go find Cailin. She gets to Jane around 6 ish. 
> 
> Some of you have raised concerns about how civilians get on to the FBI academy campus and I'll be honest I had never considered it or researched it. I have fictiously made up what I consider the campus. Some of you might not appreciate that choice but it's like 55 chapters too late for me to change that. 
> 
> I promise that all the characters will be meeting up/colliding here shortly.


	60. Chapter 60

Thomas cursed as the truck he was following pulled off on to a dirt road. Thomas pulled over, killing the lights and watching as it drove in to the night. He’d have to give them a few before he tried to follow. After all, how many cars came down this way? Thomas pulled the phone from his pocket and called his boss.

‘What is it?’ Paddy’s voice came through winded, as it usually did these days.

Thomas scratched his head, considering what he said before he said it. Paddy Doyle wasn’t the type to mess around with especially when it came to family. ‘I was watching Cailin and something strange happened. It gave me the willies.’

‘What happened?’ Paddy asked, his tone sharp and cutting but Thomas could hear the fear there as well.

‘I was waiting for her to finish her last final and walk to her car but she was running late so I went looking for her. She was walking with Russo. Got in his car all calm like.’ Thomas said. ‘She didn’t look forced so I didn’t stop her. I know you want me to keep my distance unless absolutely necessary. But Paddy,’ Thomas hesitated, ‘something was off. So I followed them and now I’m sure of it. We’re out in the middle of nowhere.’ Paddy was quiet, only the sound of laboured breathing coming through the phone. ‘Do ya want me to grab her and get her outta here?’ Thomas asked, not sure what his orders were.

‘I’m on my way.’ Paddy said, his voice thick with emotion, ‘send me the location and you keep an eye on her. If he tries anything, you get her out of there. And Thomas, be careful, we don’t know enough about this guy.’ 

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Thomas said, feeling a sort of fondness for the woman he had spent a decent part of the last few years watching. ‘Ya better hurry Paddy, I gotta bad feeling about this.’

‘Mmm,’ was all Paddy said before hanging up. Thomas sighed, checking to make sure his gun was loaded before turning down the dark dirt road. He’d have to go slow and look for the truck itself since he couldn’t follow them directly. He cursed the snow and the darkness for making it hard to see. ‘Hang on Cailin,’ Thomas said, ‘I’m coming for ya.’

It took Thomas longer than he wanted to find the truck parked in front of some crumbling cabin. Thomas shot off a text before checking to make sure his phone was on silent. Thomas parked a ways down the street, tossing the keys on to the front seat in case they needed to make a quick get away. He grabbed his winter jacket, pulling it on over his red shirt. He tugged on his warmest gloves and a wool beanie before setting off back toward the cabin. He edged down the dirt tracks that delineated itself as a driveway, glancing quickly in to the cab of the truck for any sign of Cailin. A phone, shattered in to pieces, sat on the floor of the truck. Thomas cursed under his breath. There was definitely no good reason for a shattered phone. Thomas should know, he was a mob man. Even if Paddy’s mob was more civilised than most.

Thomas snuck forward, barely breathing as he searched for a window. He needed to find Cailin and get them out of there. He hugged the front cabin wall, glancing up. Smoke poured from the fire place and where there was smoke, there was usually fire. Thomas just needed to find the light. Every step seemed to echo in his ears, the crunch of snow audible no matter how lightly he tried to step. His heart beat traitorously hard, his breath coming in ragged gasps, puffs of steam billowing from his lungs.

Thomas peaked around the corner. There streaming out over a soggy path was the tell tale light of fire in a window. Thomas creeped around the edge inching forward. He muttered a prayer to the saints before peeking in. Cailin lay on a rough looking cot. Thomas gulped upon seeing her face bruised, a dried cut on her eyebrow. ‘Shit,’ Thomas said ducking down. He needed to get her out of there. Paddy would kill him if he didn’t but how was Thomas supposed to drag an unconscious woman sneakily through the woods with someone pursuing them?!

Thomas pulled his gun from its holster at his waist. He peeked in to the window again, looking for Vince. The cabin was lit dimly by the fire, shadows flickering across the room. The furniture was rough mountain furniture. Thomas saw no sign of Russo. With one hand, Thomas tried the window, pushing up against the frame. It didn’t budge in the slightest. Thomas cursed under his breath. Thomas needed to find a door. Thomas crouched, ducking below the window and began inching forward once more. His fingers grazed the cabin wall, searching for any indication of a door. Maybe, if he acted fast and with luck, he could get in and get out before Russo showed up.

* * *

‘Korsack,’ Vince yelled over the din at the Robber as he answered his cell phone without looking. Kiki smiled and shook her head. She always teased him for the old detective’s habit.

‘Korsack!’ Jane’s voice came through loud and clear and even more concerning with the same tight strain it always had when the woman was stressed. 'Listen, I need your help!' 

‘Jane! Isn’t this a lovely surprise,’ Vince said smiling at Kiki as he slipped from behind the bar and pointed to his office. His wife smiled and waved a dismissive hand. When he had safely gotten out of earshot, he asked, ‘what’s wrong? Are you okay? Is Maura okay?’

‘We’re okay but Cailin isn’t. She’s been kidnapped,’ Jane spoke quickly, keeping it short and efficient, just like a case briefing. ‘I’m headed to Boston now.’

‘Shit,’ Vince said. His eyes drifted to the photo of him and Kiki in Hawaii. ‘What can I do Jane?’

‘You still have your personal gear?’ Jane asked, sounding as though she was already regretting asking.

‘Of course,’ Vince responded, ‘you need something?’

‘Yeah,’ Jane sighed, ‘I can’t fly with my firearm without wasting time trying to get permission from top brass.’

Vince nodded, sighing as he thought it through, ‘what do ya need?’

‘Two pistols and any armor you’ve got,’ Jane said sighing.

‘Two? Are you planning on storming the compound solo Jane?’ Vince asked, worry etched in every wrinkle.

‘Nah,’ Jane said, ‘bringing my partner. Fresh outta the academy.’

‘Jesus Jane,’ Vince said cursing, ‘you’re bringing a rookie for an off the books mission?’

‘Hey,’ Jane said defensively, ‘I tried to send her home but she’s as stubborn as you are old man. Besides who else would I bring, you’re retired and happily married, remember.’

‘I might be retired but I’m not useless Janie,’ Vince said, the nickname slipping from his lips unnoticed in his own emotions, ‘you’re family Jane. If you’re going out there to stage a rescue, I’ll have your back. You know that.’

Jane sighed, soft and apologetic, ‘I know. I’m sorry Vince. I just… you just… you deserve more.’

‘Hey,’ Vince said with a chuckle, ‘I got you Jane. That’s more than most, okay. When do you land I’ll pick you up?’

‘Boarding here shortly so maybe two hours?’ Jane said, pausing as she listened to an announcement playing through the airport speakers.

‘Did you let Frankie know?’ Vince asked, his sergeants mind working overtime to fit the pieces together.

‘Yeah. He and Nina are working it already. Apparently there was a witness, she saw Cailin get grabbed but she didn’t see where. Maura is working it here on the DC side,’ Jane sounded tired.

‘Wait, did he take her across state borders?’ Vince asked feeling confused. The FBI would be able to take over if he had.

‘It’s complicated but the guys name is Vincent Russo. Maura pissed him off here in DC and he’s decided the best way to get even is through Cailin. He called Maura this afternoon from BCU. So we know the who and when, still working on the where. I gotta go Korsack, they’re boarding us.’

‘Fly safe Jane,’ Vince said, ‘I’ll be here when you get in and we’ll figure it all out from there.’

‘Thanks Korsack. See ya,’ Jane’s words were followed with a click and Vince put his phone down. Vince rubbed his temples, willing another solution to come to him. Kiki wasn’t going to like what he had to do but Vince would be damned if he would send the woman he considered to be a daughter in to an unknown situation with a rookie. Even if it was a rookie Jane herself had trained. Vince pulled out his wallet and car keys, pocketed his phone and considered what he’d say to Kiki. He figured some amount of the truth was required, she’d spot an outright lie and then he’d be in double trouble.

‘Well,’ Vince thought, ‘in for a penny, in for a pound.’ Kiki had shown understanding beyond what he’d expected before. Maybe she’d surprise him this time.

‘Hey you,’ Kiki said with a smile as she poured a beer from the tap, ‘how’s Jane?’

Vince smiled back. He’d married the most beautiful woman in the world, ‘she’s on her way to Boston. I’m picking her up in two hours.’

‘Oh?’ Kiki asked, passing off the beer before turning to Vince with a concerned look on her face, ‘is everything okay?’

‘No,’ Vince said scratching the back on his neck, ‘Maura’s little sister Cailin was kidnapped.’

Kiki gasped, ‘how awful!’

‘Yeah it is. Jane’s coming in to work it with Frankie and Nina.’ Vince said, still not quite meeting his wife’s eyes.

‘That’s good. I’m sure the FBI will be able to help,’ Kiki said her eyes searching her husbands frame.

Vince sighed, deciding to just rip the bandaid off, ‘actually she’s coming in off the books, with a rookie partner. She asked for my help.’

Kiki’s gaze was unreadable, her lips pressed tightly together. After what felt like a lifetime, she finally spoke, ‘will you promise to be safe?’

Vince smiled at his wife, the holder of his heart, ‘I’m too old to be take any unnecessary risks but you know Jane. She’ll go off half cocked if she has so much as a hint of an idea of where Cailin is and I haven’t met a rookie yet who could hold Jane Rizzoli back.’

Kiki nodded, her eyes watering, ‘I’ll handle things here. Just… come home to me?!’

Vince hated the hurt in her voice. He prayed this was the last time he ever had to hurt her like this. That is why he retired, after all. He rounded the bar, pulling his wife in to his arms, holding her close. ‘I will,’ he whispered in to her hair, placing a kiss on her head. ‘Always.’

Kiki pulled away, wiping at her eyes as she did, ‘then you better get moving.’ She pressed a kiss to his lips, smiling a shaky smile at him. He moved away from her, wanting to offer more than he could, feeling torn between the people he loved and the things they needed of him. He slipped out of the door of The Dirty Robber, holding on to the image of Kiki blowing him a kiss from across the room. He climbed in to his car and took a deep breath, settling back in to his Sergeant Korsack mindset: calm, determined and ready to kick some ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEE GUYS, ITS FINE! Papa bear Korsack is on the way! AND Thomas Didn't-bother-to-give-him-a-last-name is there. What could go wrong?!


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Kidnapping, ransom call/discovery, surviviors guilt (not-kidnapped guilt?!) 
> 
> Wanted to add, since a few of you have asked, while rape is threatened that is as close as I will be getting to that line. I will not be crossing that line.

Hope hummed as she finished cutting the tomatoes for Cailin’s favourite meal: tacos. Hope had gone out of her way to make sure she would be home in time to surprise Cailin with tacos. After all, Hope knew how hard her daughter had worked this past semester. Hope wanted her tacos to say she was proud of Cailin. That she supported her, was cheering for her, would always be there to… feed her. Maybe that was asking a bit much of tacos, Hope thought frowning at the tomatoes. At least they would make Cailin smile and after a hard final that was all Hope could ask for.

A knock on the door made Hope look up. She rinsed her hands quickly, moving to answer it. She glanced through the peek hole to see a woman wearing a pant suit with her hair pulled up in a severe bun and a darker skinned man dressed similarly, both of them looking grim. Hope opened the door feeling a sense of dread, ‘hello?’

‘Doctor Martin,’ the woman said, ‘my name is Agent Jennifer Bennet and this is my partner Agent Andres Cruz.’ They both flashed their FBI badges,‘we’ve been monitoring you since the escape of Paddy Doyle Junior. We’ve been working in concert with a number of agents placed throughout the country.’ Hope nodded, swallowing her disgust at having been surveilled. It wasn’t exactly news or even all that surprising.

Agent Cruz picked up where Agent Bennet left off, his voice pleasant and warm with a hint of an accent peaking through, ‘we’ve been in touch with the team monitoring your eldest daughter Doctor Maura Isles.’

‘Is everything okay?’ Hope asked, reaching for her back pocket to find her phone. Her voice was high, stressed with emotion, ‘Is Maura alright?!’ Hope almost missed the look the agents exchanged as she realised that her phone wasn’t in her pocket.

‘Ma’am,’ Agent Bennet picked up, ‘could we come in?’

‘No,’ Hope said, her heart hurting, ‘tell me what’s happened to my daughter.’ Hope looked around her, trying to find her phone. Where had she left it?

‘This afternoon she received a ransom call,’ Agent Cruz said.

Hope gasped stopping her searching to stare at the agents, ‘oh god. For who? Jane? Did they take Agent Rizzoli?’ The agents exchanged another look. This one was laced in sadness and Hope couldn’t make sense of what they were saying to her. ‘Tell me Jane’s okay. Tell me she’s safe.’

‘You really should sit down,’ Agent Bennet said softly, gesturing at the living room behind Hope.

Hope felt her anger rise, heard herself yelling at the pair, ‘tell me what’s happened right now! I don’t need this coddling you festering pricks!’

Agent Cruz took a breath, ‘ma’am the ransom call was for your youngest daughter Cailin Martin.’

Hope’s breath fled from her lungs, the world went dark, her ears roared.

That she was falling, registered belatedly. Agent Bennet caught her, lowering the both of them to the ground as the first wails escaped Hope’s mouth. She vaguely heard the pair talking above her. She knew that what they were saying was important but Hope couldn’t focus. Her baby. Her sweet baby girl was missing. And Maura. Maura was trying to find her. _Maura_ was trying to find her. Which meant Jane was trying too. Maura and Jane were unstoppable. They’d find Cailin. And Hope would help.

Hope took a deep breath, filling her lungs for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. She pushed back at the roaring in her ears. ‘I need my phone,’ Hope said. It came out in a hoarse whisper. So she said it again, forcing it louder, ‘I need my phone.’

Agent Cruz crouched in front of her, ‘where is it?’

‘I don’t know… my purse maybe?’ Hope said gesturing vaguely toward the bag. The agent retrieved the bag and brought it to her. Hope dug through it finding her phone there, silenced. What she saw felt like a vice grip on her heart.

The first was text from Cailin: ‘ _Finished! On my way home, see you soon Mum!’_ It was like a punch to the gut because Cailin wasn’t on her way. She wasn’t… Hope refused to let herself finish that thought. Cailin _was_ coming home. She was.

The second was twenty two missed call from Maura over the last two hours and a text that read, _‘Call me as soon as possible please.’_ Hope almost crumbled then. Her girls had needed her and Hope wasn’t there for them, again. She was making stupid tacos, as though tacos had any value. Hope took a trembling breath, pushing the guilt away to press the call button.

‘Hope!’ Maura’s voice was tight and emotional, ‘Jane’s on her way.’

Hope strangled a sob, ‘Maura? What did they ask for? Why did they take my baby girl?’

‘It’s my fault, Hope. He wanted to hurt me,’ Maura said angrily, ‘but we’re getting her back no matter what. I’ll do whatever it takes, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Hope whispered, ‘what can I do?’

‘Go to BPD. Frankie and Nina are already working on it.’ Maura sounded firm, in control. ’I have a lead to follow up on here in DC but I’ll be there as soon as I can.’

‘Okay,’ Hope whispered.

‘We’re going to find her Hope,’ Maura said, sounding certain. Absent any other alternative, Hope let herself believe it. Let herself cling to Maura’s confidence.

‘I’ll see you soon Maura.’ Hope replied, ‘I love you sweetie.’

Hope thought she heard Maura sob, ‘I love you too mother.’

Hope hit the end button and pushed herself up to standing. The agents looked at her in wide eyed surprise. ‘My daughter is kidnapped. I can’t sit around and cry all night.’ Hope snapped. She knew she was being unkind to them, especially given how kind they had been to her but Hope couldn’t afford softness at the moment, ‘so are you driving me to the police station or am I?’

Agent Bennet sent her a crooked grin that reminded Hope of Jane, ‘we’ll drive you. We have to stick to you anyways, might as well help if we can.’

* * *

Aarna pulled over at the gas station, pulling up to the pump after Maura indicated the side. Maura was doing better than she had two hours ago when she all but dragged Jane back to their car. Maybe it was having a job to do, maybe it was knowing that Jane and Noie were on their way to Boston, maybe it was sheer numb denial. Not that it mattered. Aarna pulled the keys from the ignition. She smiled at Maura, hoping to convey something like reassurance even though Aarna felt completely out of sorts. ‘We need gas and food,’ Aarna said softly, ‘and Jane made me promise not to let you leave my sights.’

Maura laughed harshly, ‘of course she did.’

Aarna tilted her head to the side, giving Maura a look in what she hoped came off as playful, ‘you aren’t going to make this hard on me are you Doctor Isles?’

For a minute, Aarna really thought she might. Then Maura climbed from the car, slamming the door behind her. ‘No body tells you this part,’ Maura says wryly.

‘What’s that?’ Aarna asked, hurrying to catch up with the shorter woman.

‘That the heroes still have to get gas and food to subsist off of. Did you ever consider getting gas as an FBI agent?’ Maura asked, giving her a look that Aarna thought was supposed to be a smile but came out as more of a grimace.

Aarna shook her head, ‘nope. I can honestly say, I’ve never thought about filling the gas tank for moments like this.’ Aarna did a quick intake of the gas station, noting the exits, the other customers and the bathroom.

‘Well even the most fuel efficient car runs out eventually,’ Maura said with a sigh, wrinkling her nose at the direction of the hot dogs. ‘I recommend you get something processed. It is less susceptible to harmful bacteria like lysteria and E Coli.’ Maura wandered the aisles, grabbing various items without really looking at them.

‘Have you, uh, done this before?’ Aarna asked wandering the aisle behind Maura, grabbing a thing or two herself.

Maura held up a bag of peach rings, ‘these are one of Jane’s go-to’s. These and doritos and beef jerky and the largest size cup of coffee they serve. Sometimes she brings in her own mug for the coffee if she doesn’t think they’ll have one big enough.’ Maura’s hand pauses over a pre-packaged cinnamon roll before she grabs several. Aarna expects another comment there as though cinnamon rolls were some inside joke between Jane andMaura. Aarna felt accutely aware that it should be Jane in this gas station with Maura, not her. Maura walked on, ‘Jane had a habit of filling up at empty instead of keeping the tank full. She said that homicide detectives rarely do high speed chases and that it meant always having an excuse to buy stake out food. I would scold her, bribe her but it never mattered. I can’t tell you how many times, we had to stop mid-way to interviewing a witness or on the way to a crime scene just to fill up the damn tank or risk running out before we got there.’

Aarna grabbed a handful of water bottles to go with their haul. Maura looked at her with teary eyes. Aarna shrugged, ‘I like to stay hydrated.’

Maura’s lips turned up a fraction at the corners, ‘thats the other part they never romanticise. Stakeout or not, you still have to use the restroom.’

‘Right,’ Aarna said, ‘well the, uh, bottles can be, uh, converted.’ She felt odd, talking to a woman whose sister was kidnapped elsewhere in the country about peeing in a bottle. She just wasn’t sure what else to say.

Maura’s nose wrinkled, ‘I don’t think that will be necessary. We aren’t on a stake out.’ She walked to the counter and gestured for Aarna to set her things down. Aarna complied. ‘Can you fill the tank on three as well.’ Maura offered her card. The cashier finished their transaction and Aarna walked Maura back to the car, seeing her safely inside before starting the pump. With that task finished, she settled in the drivers seat, turning to look at Maura.

‘Where are we headed to Doc?’ Aarna asked.

‘I spoke to Nia Williams, the social worker who manages Panda’s case. She’s going to meet us at Panda’s foster home so we can interview her.’ Maura said, entering an address into the GPS. Aarna gave it a once over, trying to familiarise herself with the route.

‘And you’re hoping Panda will know where Russo took Cailin?’ Aarna asked, starting her drive.

‘I don’t know,’ Maura said with a sigh, ‘we’ve asked her before and she swore she never knew anything. Maybe…’ Maura trailed off.

Aarna was saved from figuring out what to say next by Maura’s phone ringing.

‘Hope!’ Maura answered immediately. ‘Jane’s on her way.’ Aarna felt guilty for wanting to smile at that. Of course that was the most comforting thing Maura would think to say. Jane being on her way probably was the most comforting thing to Maura.

Aarna did her best to focus on driving, trying to give the woman beside her some modicum of privacy. The mere feet between them weren’t enough to cushion Aarna from the anger and guilt radiating off the smaller woman though. And then Aarna heard the word ‘mother’ and it dawned on Aarna that Maura was speaking to her mother. She was speaking to the woman whose child was kidnapped. A sob broke from Maura’s lips and Aarna did the only thing she could, she took Maura’s hand in her own. Offering the only comfort she could at the moment. Aarna couldn’t imagine telling her Mata that her sister had been kidnapped. Aarna couldn't imagine the pain they were both in. Maura squeezed her hand, hard enough to make Aarna wince, but Aarna didn’t let go and neither did Maura. Aarna wasn’t sure what the night had in store for them but Aarna knew she wouldn’t let go. She couldn’t. For Jane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished outlining this. The kidnapping plot will wrap up around ch.70 and the fic as a whole will be around 76 plus or minus a few chapters if I forgot stuff or brilliance strikes.


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You could call this a CLIFFHANGER of sorts.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Kidnapping, murder (minor character), gunshot wound
> 
> EDIT 11/21: YOU GUYS! MY SO ADDED TWO SENTENCES AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME! Jane did not see any 'bush' and there was no red lobster!

Jane fished her phone from her pocket as soon as the wheels on the plane hit down. Her foot tapping as she waited, impatiently, for the service to kick on. Maura was her first call.

Maura answered on the second ring, ‘Jane?’

‘Hey Maur,’ Jane said, feeling suddenly heavy. She wanted to be _with_ Maura, comforting her, helping her. Jane also knew the best way, the only way, to help Maura was to get Cailin back, safe and sound. So that was what Jane was going to do. ‘Just wanted to let you know, we landed. Korsack is picking us up and we’ll head to BPD.’

‘Okay,’ Maura said sounding exhausted, ‘we’re a few minutes away from Panda’s. I’ll call if we learn anything.’

‘Me too,’ Jane promised.

‘Hope called, she’s on her way to BPD too. Will you…’ Maura trailed off, her voice cracking with emotion.

‘Take care of her?’ Jane asked, her own voice tight. ‘Yeah, you know I will.’

‘Thank you Jane,’ Maura seemed to whisper.

‘Always. I’ve got ya Maura. Love you.’ Jane said back, softly.

‘I love you too Jane. Be safe.’

Jane fired off a round of texts while they waited to disembark from the plain. Noemi was several rows in front of her, waiting for Jane. Jane texted Frankie they had landed and were on the way, she texted Korsack they were getting off, then she texted her Ma asking her to pack some of her extra sweats and toiletries for her and Noemi and bring it to the precinct. Then, for reasons Jane wasn’t entirely certain, she decided to text Cailin. Any kidnapper worth their salt should have ditched the phone by now but Jane couldn’t help it. _‘We’re coming Cailin. Just hold on.’_ Maybe Cailin would never get that particular text. Maybe it was just to ward off Jane’s growing sense of foreboding but sending it made Jane feel better.

Not having bags made the process of getting to Korsack a quick and fairly easy one. She hugged the grizzled man hard, allowing herself a moment of weakness, before pulling back to introduce Noemi and Korsack.

‘Noemi Baccay,’ Jane said gesturing, ‘meet my _retired_ sergeant Vince Korsack.’

Korsack held out a meaty hand with a good natured grin, ‘Nice to meet ya, I taught her everything she knows.’

Baccay, ever uncomfortable with strangers, shook the mans hand and grunted.

Vince raised an eyebrow at Jane, ‘a quiet rookie? What’d ya do to score that?’

Jane shook her head shoving the man back towards the car, ‘shut up old man before you step in it. She’ll speak when she decides whether you’re worth her time or not.’

‘Worth the time?’ Korsack said in mock offence. ‘I’ll have you know I am a precious gem.’ Jane thought she heard Noemi snort but a glance at the back seat showed Jane an unchanging and stoic as ever face.

‘He’s an acquired taste,’ Jane said to Noemi. This time Jane saw the fast little upturn of Noemi’s lips. Relief coursed through Jane. She hadn’t realised how badly she wanted Korsack and Noemi, _her_ recruit, to get along. Aarna would have been easier, of course, she was a people person but Noemi was the true test. Noemi didn’t waste her time on niceties. It was one of Jane’s favourite things about her. Jane turned to Korsack, ‘what? No rascal pups today?’

Korsack laughed, ‘nope, just you Janie.’

Jane let out a perfunctory grumble even as she felt her spirits lift. God she had missed this. She smiled at Korsack who grinned back, his eyes a bit watery.

‘I’ve missed you Janie,’ Korsack said patting her arm in a fatherly way.

‘Yeah, yeah. You too old man,’ Jane said blushing. ‘Can we get going now?’

‘Don’t let the tough guy exterior fool you,’ Korsack said to Noemi, ‘Janie here is a big ol’ softie.’

‘Korsack!’ Jane squeaked, feeling ratted on.

‘I’m aware,’ Noemi spoke for the first time, a wicked grin across her face, ‘I’ve seen her with Doctor Isles.’

‘Noemi!’ Jane yelped.

‘She’s always been particularly fond of the doc,’ Korsack said as he began driving, ‘it took them long enough to figure it out.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Jane asked, feeling uncomfortably caught between the pair of them.

‘That it took you two forever to admit you’re in love!’ Korsack said, ‘Frost thought…’ Korsack trailed off. Jane could see the sadness on his face, felt it echo in her heart.

‘What? Huh?’ Jane asked, trying to sound tough even as she missed her friend, ‘did he have some stupid bet on us or something?’

Korsack chuckled, ‘we did. He woulda lost too. He thought you guys would have figured it out within the year. Turns out you needed a few more. He woulda owed me a round.’

Jane punched Korsack’s arm lightly then in a peace offering she said, ‘how about I buy it for him? When this is done.’

‘Deal,’ Korsack said with a grin.

‘Wait,’ Noemi said, ‘so Agent Rizzoli and Doctor Isles haven’t always been all over each other?’

‘Oh no,’ Korsack said with a laugh, ‘they have. They just thought it was platonic!’

Jane blushed a furious red. ‘That’s not true,’ Jane said.

‘That you haven’t always been all over each other?’ Korsack asked his eyebrow raised.

‘Or that you aren’t all over each other now?’ Noemi finished for him with her own eyebrow arch.

‘Alright,’ Jane growled, ‘would you two just drive? Can we focus please?’

‘Uh oh,’ Korsack said with a laugh, ‘someone is getting grumpy we better feed her.’

Jane punched the man again, this time with enough power to give it some bite. Korsack laughed but surrendered with open hands. Jane had to laugh too. There was no one at the FBI who could rib her like this. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

Jane knew they needed to move on, even if she was loathe to change the atmosphere in the car. ‘So,’ Jane said, ‘here’s what we know.’ Catching Korsack up was simple enough. She told him about Rondo, about the recruits investigating. He interrupted to ask Noemi a few questions. Jane was immensely proud when Noemi could answer with clarity and precision like a true detective. Korsack must have picked up on her feelings because he sent Jane a quick wink. Then Jane told him about Maura’s phone call with Russo and about her relationship with Panda.

‘So Russo is obsessed?’ Korsack asked thoughtfully, ‘and he didn’t ask for a ransom? So this is less of a kidnapping and more of an abduction with the intent to kill.’ Jane flinched but nodded. ‘And is there any reason to think Cailin is even still alive?’ Jane felt ill at the question.

‘He wanted to torture her,’ Noemi supplied. ‘He wants to cause her as much pain as possible so he can hurt Doctor Isles as much as possible. Which means he’s some place he thinks can’t be connected to him. Somewhere isolated, probably, so her screams won’t be heard.’ Vince and Jane exchanged a look, Vince raised his eyebrows. Jane just offered a wry smile. ‘Was that not right?’ Noemi asked.

‘Did I mention Baccay is top of her class?’ Jane asked Korsack.

‘Are you saying you taught her everything she knows?’ Korsack asked teasingly.

‘Yes,’ both women responded. Jane’s tone teasing, Noemi’s blunt with a hint of gratitude. Jane found herself blushing but pleased. Korsack just laughed.

‘The question,’ Jane said trying to recenter herself, ‘is if they’re even still in Boston.’

Korsack pulled in to a BPD guest parking spot, ‘Frankie might have a better answer for that than us. Let’s go ask, shall we?’

Jane entered BPD, signing in as a guest. It was strange, nothing had changed and yet it all felt so different. Jane nodded to the officers she knew, laughing when a few of them called out ‘suit alert’ in a teasing manner. Frankie and Nina were a flurry of movement in the bull pen which was now full of new tech that Jane hardly recognised. Korsack and Noemi headed towards them, Jane however, noticed Hope sitting in the conference room, alone. ‘You guys go ahead, I’ll be right there.’ She gestured towards Hope and Korsack nodded. Noemi didn’t say anything, which, to Jane, meant acceptance. Jane trusted Korsack to introduce her to everyone.

Hope looked small at their conference room table. Jane always thought the room was too big for its primary purpose, telling victims family’s what happened. Hope’s hands were clasped, her lips pressed tight, her skin pale. Jane entered quietly, not wanting to scare the woman. ‘Hope,’ Jane said softly, ‘I’m so sorry.’

Hope looked up, her eyes were rimmed in red, ‘Maura said you’re going to find her. So I’ll be here waiting until you do.’

‘Do you need anything?’ Jane asked, approaching the older woman, ‘coffee, water, tissues?’

Hope touched her cheek almost absentmindedly, wiping away the tears there, ‘no, no. I’m fine. Agent Bennet is taking care of me.’

Jane didn’t know who that was but she could guess. ‘Do you have any way to contact Paddy?’ Jane asked, not sure what she was hoping the answer would be. ‘He might be able to help.’

‘Do you think Paddy is responsible for this?’ Hope asked sounding panicked and distraught.

‘What?’ Jane asked in surprise, ‘no, not at all. He just… he loves you. He would want to help. If he could.’

Hope let out a long breath, ‘no I don’t have any way to contact him. I suppose you could try Maura’s gravestone but who knows.’

Jane nodded, ‘the FBI is probably watching it. I would be anyways.’

Silence stretched out between them. Jane patted Hope’s shoulder awkwardly before turning to leave. At the door, Hope spoke, forcing Jane to look back at her. ‘Find her, Jane. Find my baby, please.’ Jane could feel the pain in her words, the raw ache consuming her.

Jane swallowed a lump, her throat tight, ‘I will Hope. I’ll bring her home.’

Jane walked in to the bull pen, ‘Frankie! Where are we at?’

Frankie looked up, something like irritation or perhaps jealousy on his face. Jane supposed she was being a suit. Coming in, demanding information, taking over. Unfortunately, she didn’t have time to coddle Frankie’s emotions. There was a mother and a sister depending on her, her specifically, to bring Cailin home. Whatever it was, Jane would deal with it later. She raised an eyebrow at Frankie who sighed and then began to report. ’We’ve interviewed Hope. Have a layout of Cailin’s schedule for the day. We talked to her lab partner a Sofia Walsh, who saw her get grabbed. Said she tried to chase after them but she lost them in the dark and snow. Nina’s going through campus cameras, trying to track Cailin through the day. We already know the camera didn’t get a shot of the kidnapping itself but Nina thinks there might be something from earlier in the day. Someone hanging out near her or something.’

‘Anything on the Russo Bolo?’ Jane asked.

Frankie shook his head. ‘Nothin’.’

‘And you couldn’t track her phone?’ Jane asked, though she expected the answer.

‘No,’ Frankie said, ‘last ping was on campus just before she got grabbed. Walsh said she had texted her mother. Hope confirmed. Russo musta turned it off before they left.’

Jane nodded, looking at the case on the board in front of them, ‘did lab techs get anything from the scene?'

‘A burner phone, it’s got prints that we assume match Russo’s but we’re waiting on Virginia to confirm,’ Frankie said, ‘nothing else really. Snow made it near impossible to search.’

‘Baccay,’ Jane said turning to Noemi who looked surprised, ‘tell Frankie what we know. I’m going to talk to Walsh. Where is she at?’

‘You’re not going to get anything from her that I couldn’t,’ Frankie said to Jane’s surprise. Jane raised an eyebrow and Frankie scowled, ‘she’s in the cafe.’

Jane took a step toward her little brother, speaking softly so only Frankie could hear her, ‘Frankie, you’re doing great. I just… this is Maura’s sister. I can’t take the back seat on this one. I just can’t.’

Frankie looked at her guiltily, ‘I know Janie. I just feel like the other Rizzoli all over again. I’ve been a lead detective for months and you swoop in and suddenly I’m the kid fresh outta his uniform again.’

Jane grinned, ‘you’re always gonna be the rookie next to me little brother, doesn’t mean you aren’t one hell of a detective.’ She punched Frankie’s shoulder. ‘Now let _my_ rookie tell ya what she knows so we can sync up okay?’

Frankie nodded, relief evident in his eyes. ‘Sure,’ Frankie said with a smile, ‘you know I’ll always look up to you Janie.’

Jane did. She nodded, smiling at her little brother. It was one of those classic big sibling moments. One of those moments she needed to make sure Maura got to have again, which meant finding Cailin.

* * *

Thomas stared at the front door of the decrepit cabin. The cold made his nose run and his fingers numb. He’d circled the cabin three times. He’d crossed the yard. He couldn’t find Russo. Which meant he was gone, which seemed unlikely given that he had a captive and Thomas had seen no other car tracks. Or he was in the cabin. There were only two windows, one in the living room which had Cailin in it and one in the kitchen. Thomas couldn’t quite make out the rest of the cabin but he supposed there was a bathroom and bedroom somewhere. Maybe even multiple bedrooms. What Thomas did know was that in all that time, Cailin hadn’t moved.

Panic was starting to seep in. Either she was dead, seriously injured, or drugged. None of which boded well for either of them. Paddy would kill him if anything happened to her. Sheer desperation had brought him to this door. Russo was likely inside, possibly sleeping, but definitely occupied. What were the chances of getting in and out without him knowing? Thomas didn’t like his odds but they had to be better than his chances of explaining what the hell went wrong to Paddy.

Paddy who was on his way. Paddy who should be there any minute. Thomas reached for the door handle. Maybe it would be enough if he had a plan, an entrance. As quietly as he could, Thomas turned the handle, amazed when the latch clicked open. He tested it, barely cracking the door open before quietly pulling it closed. Thomas didn’t like that. Russo had just left the door unlocked? Was he that stupid? Or was he arrogant enough to think no one would find him and Cailin wouldn’t escape? Thomas chewed his cheek.

Russo had been missing for close to 35 minutes. That would have been plenty of time for Thomas to get Cailin out of there. Thomas had hesitated, wasted time. He took a breath, steeling his nerves, and he opened the door again, stepping inside. He closed it quietly behind him, moving silently across the room to Cailin. He checked her pulse first, it was there strong and steady. He let out a small sigh of relief. Not dead was good. Very, very good.

Thomas wasn’t expecting her eyes to fly open, terror filling them. She opened her mouth, letting out a strangled cry. Thomas put a hand over her mouth. ‘Quiet,’ he whispered, ‘I’m trying to help you Cailin.’ Of course she didn’t know him, didn’t recognise him. He’d gone through great lengths to make sure she never realised he was watching her. He was surprised it kind of hurt, a silly remnant of his affection. He tried to smile and exude kindness. Willed her to trust him. She nodded up at him, big brown eyes brimming with tears.

‘Can you walk?’ Thomas whispered.

Cailin nodded again, trying to shift her weight to sit up. Thomas removed his hand over her mouth to help her sit. Cailin let out a quiet groan before grabbing her head. Concussion. A bad one, then.

‘I’ll help ya,’ Thomas whispered, stowing his gun in its holster after a furtive glance towards the back rooms. He hadn’t heard anything but that wasn’t particularly comforting at the moment. He helped Cailin in to a standing position, slinging her arm around his left shoulder. They took one, two, three limping steps before Thomas heard a door open.

He looked up in to pale blue eyes full of fury and a gun levelled at his chest. Thomas shoved Cailin back towards the cot as he grabbed for his own gun. He was aware of two sounds, the first a scream falling from her lips and the second an echoing bang that made his ears ring. He felt a lance of pain in the right side of his chest and down his right arm. His knees hit the ground.

‘No!’ Cailin shouted, ‘what did you do?’

Thomas was confused. Why was she upset? He was trying to get her out of the way of the gun. Didn’t she know that? What was he supposed to do? Let her die? Thomas glanced down. His red shirt was oozing from a round hole in his winter parka. That was odd. Shirts weren’t supposed to ooze, were they?

Cailin was beside him then, ‘you’re okay. You’re going to be okay.’ Her voice was sad. Thomas didn’t like that. He tried to speak but instead of words, out came bubbles. Tangy bubbles. Thomas swayed, feeling woozy. Maybe he just needed to lie down a bit. He fell forward, Cailin’s arms cushioned the blow. She was touching his face, brushing a cheek. Her voice was soft and sounded so far away, ‘you’re okay. You’re okay.’

Thomas tried to tell her that he was fine. It was just a few bubbles. A little pain. But moving his jaw was exhausting and the world was growing dark. Just before it all faded to black, Thomas heard the tell tale wheeze of an old man. Like a death rattle. Like Paddy. Thomas smiled at that, the last of the firelight sputtering out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised I never wrote in Jane telling Korsack about Maura which is really a missed opportunity on my part but I assume that would have happened over the labor day break or at least in a phone call. I apologise for depriving you all of more Papa Bear Korsack. I hope you all enjoyed the Noemi/Korsack ribbing. 
> 
> I also, for the record, feel really proud about that last section. It was a difficult one to write and I'm really happy with how it turned out. Did any one catch that he was a red shirt?!


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER (that might go without saying at this point...) 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: family crime (as in a family member who has comitted a crime), family guilt, kidnapping, being held at gun point... 
> 
> I cried a bit writing this one. Panda always gets me.

Nia Williams was waiting for them outside of the Stephen’s house. Her face was grim, her jacket pulled tight against the cold and the snow. When Maura approached, Maura could read the sadness on her face. ‘Maura,’ Nia said, ‘I’m so sorry.’

Maura nodded, pulling her jacket on tighter as if to ward out the emotions as well as the cold, ’thank you Nia. This is Aarna Dhar with the FBI.’

Aarna shook the offered gloved hand. She smiled shyly when Nia said, ‘nice to meet in person Agent Dhar.’ Aarna inclined her head. She and Maura had agreed that while they wouldn’t claim Aarna was an FBI agent, they wouldn’t correct the assumption either. It was leverage they might need.

‘It’s nice to meet you as well Miss Williams,’ Aarna replied, ‘even under such horrible circumstances.’

Nia returned the smile before turning back to Maura. ‘I’ve prepared Mrs. Stephens but I need to lay down some rules before we go in there Maura.’ Maura bristled, feeling frustrated by the slow pace of things. She took a breath then nodded her head. ‘My primary job is to be Panda’s advocate,’ Nia spoke kindly but firmly, ‘it is not to help you find your sister.’ Maura had expected as much, though it still hurt to hear. ‘Ordinarily, I wouldn’t let the family members of a victim anywhere near the family member of a perpetrator. I am allowing you to interview Panda because it is life and death and because you have rapport with Panda that leads me to believe she trusts you and that _you_ will _not_ betray that trust. I am trusting you to handle this professionally Doctor Isles, with all the sensitivity and training your station has provided. If I think at any point that this conversation will cause long term distress or harm to Panda I will cut it off.’

‘You’ve got to be kidding,’ Aarna said sounding alarmed, ‘a woman’s life is depending on what that kid knows. You can’t just cut us off. She could save Cailin’s life.’

Nia’s eyes flashed, anger and sympathy warring in them, Maura put a hand on Nia’s forearm, ‘I don’t want to hurt Panda, Nia. I am a professional.’

A smile threatened to play on Nia’s face, ‘of that, I’m certain. I just need you to understand my role here.’

‘You’re the child advocate,’ Maura said with her own grim smile, ‘I’m grateful for that, truly.’

Aarna seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding, ‘I am too. I don’t want to hurt Panda. I just…’

‘Really want to find Doctor Isles sister?’ Nia asked, ‘me too. And we’ll do whatever we can to help, I just have to make my priorities clear.’

Maura nodded, ‘I understand. Thank you Nia.’

‘I think Agent Dhar should ask most of the questions,’ Nia said, ‘she’s the most neutral party here but I won’t stop you from jumping in Maura. Just remember, she’s six. She probably already blames herself and she idolises you. Okay? Try to be gentle?’

‘I agree,’ Maura said, looking up at the house, wondering if she was at all prepared for this. ‘Are you alright with that Aarna?’

Aarna looked up in surprise. She licked her lips nervously, wringing her hands, ‘I’ve never interviewed a child before but I’m, uh, willing to try.’

Nia patted Aarna’s arm, harbouring no grudge, ‘I’ll be there to help, okay? Just keep your questions simple and straightforward. If she knows something, she’ll tell us. Panda wouldn’t be deliberately obtuse with Doctor Isles. She won’t try to trick you. She’ll help us if she can.’

Aarna looked at Maura, her eyes still uncertain, Maura smiled at her reassuringly, ‘it is less like interviewing a suspect and more like taking a statement from a witness. Does that help?’

Aarna nodded and then swallowed. Nia lead them to the doorway where a very pregnant Amanda Stephens let them in.

‘Maura,’ Amanda began, ‘I’m so sorry to hear about your sister.’

Maura swallowed hard but offered a small smile for the kind woman, ‘I’d like for you to join us if you’re able Amanda.’

‘Certainly,’ Amanda replied, ‘Panda is just getting dressed after her bath.

‘This is Aarna Dhar with the FBI,’ Maura said introducing the women, ‘she’ll be leading the conversation.’ At that moment a black and white streak came running down the hall.

‘Doctor Isles!’ Came a shriek before something warm and vaguely wet collided with Maura. Aarna had jumped, hand reaching impulsively for her gun, but Maura dropped down to catch the flying hug coming her way.

‘Panda Cub!’ Maura said squeezing tightly, ‘I’m so glad to see you.’

‘Wow,’ Aarna said blinking and relaxing back in to a less defensive.

‘Told you,’ Nia said with a grin and a wink, ‘rapport.’

Amanda smiled down at the pair, ‘Doctor Isles is Panda’s _best_ friend.’

‘I am?’ Maura asked Panda with a grin.

‘Uh huh,’ Panda said with a big toothless grin. She was wearing panda pyjamas that were splotches of black and white. Maura saw a hood attached that Maura would bet had some adorable rendition of panda bear ears. ‘I love Doctor Isles.’

Maura’s eyes got misty, ‘I love you too Panda Cub.’ She pulled the little girl in to another hug, taking a little comfort from the moment.

‘Panda,’ Amanda spoke softly and sadly, ‘we need to talk with you about something very important and very sad. Can you take Doctor Isles to the couch?’

‘Sure mommy,’ Panda said, taking Doctor Isles by the hand and leading her down the hallway leaving the others to follow. Maura and the other adults sat on the couch while Panda stood watching. She climbed quietly in to Maura’s lap, her hands reaching out to touch Maura’s face. Her fingers tracked the tear marks on Maura’s face. ‘You sad?’ She asked softly. Maura nodded, gulping in air to keep from crying at the child’s softness. ‘Why?’ Panda asked. ‘Mommy says when you’re sad you should tell someone about it. She says that talking about it helps it all come out of your tummy. Then you have room for good things like hot chocolate.’

Maura smiled at Amanda. She had clearly come a long way with the little girl and Maura was grateful. ‘You have a very smart Mommy Panda Cub,’ Maura poked the little girls tummy playfully.

Panda giggled, then wrapped her arms around Maura’s neck in a hug, ‘tell Panda and mommy will make us hot chocolate.’

Maura rubbed Panda’s back softly, ‘my little sister is missing and I need your help to get her back Panda.’

‘I has good binoculars,’ Panda offers, ‘I’m very good at finding.’

Maura struggled to not sob, ‘I bet you are but my sister isn’t lost. She was taken by someone who wants to hurt her.’

‘Like my daddy hurt me?’ Panda asked pulling back to look at Maura with wet eyes.

‘Yes,’ Maura nodded, her throat tight. How was she supposed to tell Panda what happened? ‘Just like that and thats why we need your help.’

‘A’Cause I know how hurt-y people think?’ Panda asks.

Maura stroked the little girls hair, willing herself to come up with an answer for that. Maura decided she wouldn't tell the girl, not if she could help it. Panda didn't need to carry that guilt. ‘Something like that Panda Cub. My friend Aarna over here, she has some questions she needs to ask you about your past. Will you answer her questions as best as you can?’

Panda frowned, as though she was trying to put the pieces together but she didn’t quite have all the information yet, ‘and that will help you find your sister?’

‘Yes,’ Maura whispered, trying to keep her face neutral.

‘Mommy says I’m going to have a little sister,’ Panda said pointing to Amanda’s belly.

‘You are?’ Maura asked, ‘that’s very exciting. Little sisters are the best. They’re fun and smart and so, so, so special!’

‘Is that why you want to find yours?’ Panda asked, ‘a’cause you love her?’

‘Yes,’ Maura nodded, not able to stop the tears this time, ‘I love my sister very, very much. Just like you will.’

‘Okay,’ Panda said sounding determined, ‘I get my binoculars and then I answer questions.’ Panda was gone in a flash, running up the stairs leaving behind four bewildered and emotional adults behind.

‘You handled that well,’ Nia said sounding a bit hoarse. Aarna nodded, a look of amazement on her face. Maura didn’t feel deserving of their praise.

Panda jumped the last two stairs, resulting in an echoing crash that made Amanda flinch and sigh. Then Panda skidded in to the living room. She gently placed the string of a pair of toy binoculars around Maura’s neck, pressing a kiss to Maura’s head as she did, ‘now you can look good too.’

‘Thank you,’ Maura whispered softly.

‘So,’ Aarna said clearing her throat, ‘Panda do you know where Boston is?’

‘Its a city is Mas-chu-tess,’ Panda said turning to sit in Maura’s lap while looking at Aarna. She swung her feet gently, thumping them against Maura’s shins but she didn’t really mind. ‘Doctor Isles is from there. Is that where your sister is?’ Maura nodded. Panda played with a small handful of Maura’s hair, twisting it while she thought, ‘what’s your sister’s name?’

‘Cailin,’ Maura said quietly, ‘Cailin Martin and she’s learning how to be a doctor.’

‘You don’t have the same last name?’ Panda asked.

Maura shook her head, ‘no. I was adopted and didn’t find out I had a little sister until I was older.’

‘You were adopted?’ Panda asked, eyes open wide, ‘mommy says that’s what I’m going to be. What is it? Do you like it?’

Maura’s eyes opened wide she looked at Amanda and Nia for help. ‘It’s uh… it’s when someone who didn’t carry you in their stomach chooses you to be their child forever.’

‘So you have a mommy who carried you in her tummy?’ Panda asked. Maura nodded. ‘And you have a different mommy too, who loves you?’ Maura nodded again. ‘Just like me?’

Maura smiled, ‘just like you.’

‘Do you know anything else about Boston?’ Aarna asked, trying to guide them back to the subject.

Panda frowned considering. ‘It was very green,’ Panda said, ‘like bamboo. I liked Boston.’

‘You’ve been to Boston?’ Aarna asked sounding somewhat amazed. Maura was equally as surprised.

‘Once,’ Panda said, ‘my pa had a job in the forrest. We stayed at a green cabin. It was old and yucky. Mama wanted to go home but pa said I would clean it. I had to clean the spider webs even though I _hate_ spiders.’

‘Eugh,’ Aarna said making an exaggerated face, ‘I hate spiders too. Do you remember anything else about where the cabin was?' 

Panda thought about it. ‘There was a bare foot lake we would walk to.’

‘A bare foot lake?’ Aarna asked confused. ‘Do you mean you had to walk bare footed?’

Panda laughed, ‘No it was called bare foot lake.’ Maura frowned, trying to recall her knowledge of Boston. ‘There was a fruit museum too.’

‘A fruit museum?’ Aarna asked, ‘like an art museum?’

‘No,’ said Panda, ‘I thought we were going to try different fruits but it was just a dumb old house where people used to farm. I was hungry too.’

‘Do you remember the name of the town the cabin was in? Or the street name? Maybe a number on the cabin?’ Aarna asked trying not to sound urgent but failing.

‘No,’ Panda said with a frown, ‘it wasn’t a real road. It was just dirt and mud.’

‘Did your step father own the cabin Panda?’ Maura asked, knowing it would be too easy to be true.

‘No,’ Panda said with a frown. ‘Pa said we was lucky because we got to borrow it and borrowing means you have to give it back.’

‘Do you remember who he borrowed it from?’ Aarna asked, trying and failing to keep her voice light. Panda watched as every adult leaned in towards her.

Panda’s eyes grew watery, ‘no. I’m sorry.’ Panda turned to bury her face in Maura’s neck, ‘I’m sorry Doctor Isles. I don’t remember. I don’t.’

Maura held the little girl close and made shushing sounds, ‘you did great Panda Cub. You did great, baby. It’s okay.’

‘I’m going to call Agent Rizzoli,’ Aarna said softly stepping away. Maura nodded and continued to comfort the girl in her arms who was trying so hard to be so brave.

When, at last, Panda pulled back to look at Maura her eyes were red and her face streaked in tears, ‘will you be able to find your sister now? Did I help?’

‘You did,’ Maura said offering as big a smile as she could in the moment, ‘you helped me so much. Plus I have your binoculars so I can look for her.’

Panda nodded, ‘I’m sorry I don’t remember more. Pa always said I was stupid.’

Maura frowned, adding one more thing to bring to account for when she met Vincent Russo, ‘well your Pa is wrong. You’re a very smart little girl, do you remember how big a Panda cub is when it’s born?’

Panda grinned, ‘the size of a pen!’

‘Exactly,’ Maura said with a smile, ‘see? You’re very, very smart!’

Panda grinned for a minute before her face fell, ‘does this mean you have to leave now?’

Maura nodded, ‘I’m afraid so Panda cub, I have to bring your binoculars to Boston to find my sister.’ Panda nodded, yawning.

Amanda stood, holding out a hand for Panda, ‘come on Panda bear, it’s time for bed.’

Panda leaned in to Maura hugging her tightly. ‘Goodnight Panda Cub,’ Maura whispered.

‘Good night Doctor Isles. I hope you find the green cabin and your sister,’ Panda said with a yawn.

‘Panda?’ Maura asked curiously, ‘is the cabin the colour green?’

Panda shook her head, ‘no. Someone wrote green on the door but they didn’t spell it right.’

‘How did they spell it?’ Maura asked, her heart thumping loudly, her fingers tingled. 

‘They spelled it G-R-E-E-N-E.’Panda said behind another yawn, ‘isn’t that funny?’

Maura stood, pressing a kiss to Panda’s forehead, ‘you’re the smartest kid ever Panda. I hope you know that.’ Maura hurried past her, finding Aarna in the kitchen talking to Jane. Maura motioned for the phone.

‘Jane?’ Maura said, ‘the cabin owners last name is Greene with an ‘e’ at the end. We thought it was the colour but it was the family name.’

‘You’re sure?’ Jane’s voice said through the speaker.

‘Yes,’ Maura said because she was, even if she didn’t have all the evidence. Maybe it was Jane in her. Maybe it is was desperation. Maybe it was just her faith in Panda. It didn't matter. Maura knew. 

‘Okay so I’m looking for a bare foot lake, a fruit museum, and a cabin owned by the Greene’s somewhere near Boston?’ Jane summarised without sounding even the least bit skeptical. Maura was grateful. Anyone else would have at least raised an eyebrow at that.

‘On a dirt road,’ Maura added.

‘Thanks Maur,’ Jane said sounding exactly like the detective Maura had known for so long, ‘this really helps.’

‘It does?’ Maura asks anxiously.

‘Yep. You coming to Boston tonight?’ Jane asked, worry filling her voice, ‘it’s pretty ugly out there.’

‘I want to be there when you bring her home. I need to see her,’ Maura whispered softly.

‘Flights are cancelled,’ Jane said softly, ‘you’ll have to drive.’

‘That was the plan,’ Maura said softly, ‘we were going to get the girls before we head out.’

‘Okay,’ Jane said at last, ‘just be safe and stay in touch.’

‘I will,’ Maura whispers, ‘let me know when you find her?’

‘Always.’ Jane’s voice was strong, determined. ‘Love you Maura!’

‘I love you too Jane. See you soon.’ Maura hung up and looked up at Aarna who smiled at her.

‘Where to now Doc?’ Aarna asked. Maura was struck by how grateful she was that it was Aarna with her. Some how, she was keeping them moving forward. Keeping Maura from sinking in to a hopeless cycle of despair. Maura smiled back.

‘Let’s get the dogs and go find out what kind of trouble our partners have made in Boston,’ Maura said teasingly. Maybe they didn’t have Cailin _yet_ but for the first time that evening Maura could actually breath. They were close. Jane was close and heaven itself wouldn’t be able to save Vincent Russo from the wrath of Jane Rizzoli. No one messed with their family.

* * *

Cailin shoved hard, her head spinning, trying to get the man to roll over. She took a deep breath and pushed with everything she had. The unmoving man rolled, at last. A pool of blood was collecting beneath him. She fumbled to find a pulse, trying to remember her first aid training. Her fingers slipped in blood making it hard to find the right spot. Cailin couldn’t feel anything. She shifted, pressing on the man’s chest, compressing it to keep his heart beating. ‘You’re okay,’ Cailin whispered. She didn’t know who this man was or why he was there helping her but Cailin knew he was shot because of her. Cailin pumped the mans chest harder, her vision growing dark from the effort. She just had to keep his heart beating.

‘Stop it,’ the man who kidnapped her hissed. Cailin ignored him. ‘I said stop it,’ the man lunged grabbing her arm and yanking her in to a standing position. Cailin cried out as pain tore through her shoulder.

‘You killed him,’ Cailin sobbed staring down at her would be saviour, her brain couldn’t process it, wouldn’t process it. ’You killed him.’

‘Who is he?’ her captor hissed shaking her shoulder sending arching pain through her arm and aching head. ‘Why is he here?’

‘She can’t answer that,’ a voice spoke from the other side of the door way, which was now open letting in gusts of snow and cold, ‘but I can.’

Her captor yanked Cailin in front of him, pointing his gun over her shoulder at the door, ‘who's there?’

Cailin watched as a hand threw something heavy through the door, a metal thunk echoing through the room. Cailin felt a sense of horror fill her as she realised what the object laying on the floor between her and the door was. An ice pick.

‘Paddy Doyle?’ her captor spoke, his voice cracking, ‘are you fucking serious?!’ He clenched her arm tighter, sending bolts of pain down to her fingers. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’Cailin could hear the panic in his voice, ‘she’s not one of yours.’

‘He was one of mine,’ the voice from the other side of the door spoke.

‘I didn’t know that!’ Her captor yelled, ‘I didn’t fucking know that!’

‘Seems we’re at an impasse Russo,’ the voice said. Cailin thought he sounded winded. ‘You’ve killed one of mine and I really don’t like that.’

‘What do you want?’ Cailin felt her captor, Russo, loosen his grip.

‘Let the girl go,’ the voice said.

Russo looked at her, almost as if he was considering it, then he grabbed her tighter, pulling her closer causing Cailin to cry out. ‘I need her.’

‘Why?’ the voice asked, ‘what’s she got to do with us?’

‘You know what!’ Russo yelled. ‘You fucking know it!’

Cailin heard the sigh echo through the room, ‘Maura.’

‘That’s right, your precious fucking daughter is off limits but this bitch? She’s fair game.’ Russo said jerking Cailin around in a way that made Cailin want to vomit.

‘You want to hurt Maura, Russo?’ the voice asked almost taunting, ‘let the girl go, you can take me instead.’

‘What?’ Russo whispered. He was quiet for a moment thinking, ‘that doesn’t make any sense.’ He pulled Cailin a step back, farther from the door.

‘Think about it Russo,’ the voice spoke softly, ‘I’m the reason Maura’s off limits. If you take me out, you’ll have taken away Maura’s father and protector. What’s a _half_ sister compared to that?’

‘Or I could shoot you both right here, right now. Sister and father.’ Russo said turning the gun on Cailin. Cailin felt the cold end of the barrel press in to her temple. She felt a whimper escape her throat. Cailin had become intimately familiar with death when she needed a kidney. She’d treated it like an old friend, she didn’t expect it to come to her like this though. She expected to have time to say goodbye. Time to tell her mother and Maura she loved them. She expected it to be an extended affair born of illness, not a quick explosive thing at the end of a barrel.

Laughter poured in to the room, cold and cruel. ‘You think you can take me down _boy_? I’ve been outdueling people since before you were just a twinkle in your dear Ma’s eyes. No. You might kill the halfling but you won’t live to tell her sister about it. No, the only way you get me is if I go willingly.’

Russo fidgeted at Cailin’s back, pressing the barrel harder against her temple, the cold metal warming from the heat of her skin. Cailin squeezed her eyes closed, her mother’s face came to mind. God, she just wanted her mother.

‘Think about it Russo, with me out of the way, there’s nothing stopping you from getting to Maura.’Cailin whimpered. She didn’t want to die but she didn’t want to trade Maura’s life for hers either. ‘So?’ the disembodied voice of Paddy Doyle asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may (or may not) need to take a few days as I sort out the next few chapters. I promise I'm trying to post as quickly as possible but I also want to get it right and the next 3 chapters in particular are tricky. 
> 
> Cheers to those of you reading, sticking with me through the angst and confusion and the 10 chapter long night. :) all my love


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Kidnapping, gun shots, hostage situation

Jane hung up the phone, walking quickly back to the bullpen where everyone, including the ‘suits’ watching Hope were pouring through the video footage within a two block radius of where Cailin was taken. Jane nibbled on her lower lip considering what Maura and Aarna had told her.

‘Nina?’ Jane asked, the detective looking up at her with dark rimmed eyes glazed from staring at a screen. ‘Can you do a search for all property in the Boston area owned by someone with the last name ‘Greene’ with an e?’

‘Sure girl,’ Nina said with a tired smile, ‘it might take a little while to comb the files but its possible. Why?’

‘Maura’s interview with the step-daughter got her the last name Greene. A borrowed cabin in or near Boston,’ Jane said running her hands through her hair. ‘If it was borrowed, it might be enough for Russo to think it can’t be traced back to him. Hell we probably couldn’t trace it back to him without the kid.’

‘Okay,’ Nina said, spinning her chair around and beginning to type. Jane felt the eyes of the other detectives on her, none heavier than Korsack. She met his gaze knowing he could sense it too. They were close. ‘Frankie,’ Jane asked turning to her little brother.

‘Yeah,’ Frankie asked, ‘what do ya need Janie?’

‘Fruit museums,’ Jane said, ‘I need a list of every museum in Massachusetts that have anything to do with farming or fruit. Put the ones that overlap at the top of the list.’

‘On it,’ Frankie said, burying his head back in to the computer.

‘Cruz,’ Jane asked, ‘the step kid said it was a dirt road by a lake. Can you get us everything you can on private and unpaved roads close to Lakes.’ The agent nodded busying himself. Jane turned to his partner, ’Bennet, I’ve got a copy of the interview recording from the social worker, can you go over it see if we missed anything?’ When the agent nodded, Jane sent a copy of the file to her. 

‘Noemi?’ Jane asked.

‘Yes ma’am,’ Noemi answered.

‘Can you display a map of bodies of water around Boston?’

‘Easy,’ Noemi said pulling one up and displaying it on the screen Frankie and Nina had been using as a case board.

Jane gestured to Korsack to come closer. He did, pulling on his glasses as he came. ‘What are we looking for?’ Korsack asked, his eyes already roaming.

‘Bare foot lake,’ Jane said staring at the map.

‘Bare foot lake?’ Korsack repeated with a raised eyebrow. ‘You’re joking,’ Korsack said with a disbelieving chuckle. ‘I’ve lived here a very long time, I’ve fished in nearly every watering hole there is. There is not a barefoot lake in Boston. There’s not even a barefoot lake in Massachussets.’

Jane clenched and unclenched her hands, trying to work through the muscle pain that weariness always caused, ‘don’t you think I know that? No one names a lake barefoot lake.’

‘Ma’am?’ Noemi asked, eyebrows knitted together in confusion ‘why are we looking for a lake that doesn’t exist?’

‘She’s six Noemi. She’s not remembering the name right but she’s remembering _something_ ,’ Jane tried to temper her attitude, reminding herself that she was still, technically, Noemi’s instructor. Jane raised an eyebrow at Korsack, ‘okay?’

‘Maybe part of the name?’ Korsack asked, sounding genuinely impressed, ‘A foot lake. Maybe F-U-T?’

Jane grunted in acknowledgement, her eyes scanning. ‘Can you zoom in here?’ Jane asked pointing to a cluster of small bodies of water. Noemi did. Jane waved her back when none of the names matched. Over and over again, grid by grid. Jane’s eyes were beginning to blur the blue and green.

‘There!’ Noemi said excitedly. She clicked, enlarging part of the map. ‘Bare Hill Pond,’ Noemi said pulling up a pond close to Harvard.

‘Frankie!’ Jane asked, ‘got any museums in Harvard or Lancaster?’

Frankie, who had been mid-sip of coffee jumped, spilling coffee on his shirt. ‘Shit. Uh, yeah.’ Frankie clicked a couple buttons and a museum was displayed on the screen. ‘Fruitlands Museum,’ Frankie said, scrolling. He muttered as he read their about us page, ‘Janie, they have a farmhouse too.’ He clicked on a picture, displaying it on screen.

Korsack grinned, ‘what’re the odds? A bare lake and a fruit museum?’

Jane grinned back, ‘I knew Maura would come through for us.’

‘She always does,’ Korsack replied happily.

‘Cruz, Bennet, Holiday,’ Jane asked turning to face the squad, ‘you got anything.’

The three shook their heads, Nina spoke first, ‘I can see if there’s a Greene residence in Harvard or Lancaster but after I’m going to continue running the search statewide. Just in case we missed anything. Give me… twenty minutes?’ Jane nodded. It made sense and covered their bases.

Cruz spoke next, ‘I’ll overlay the known dirt roads near there but it’s pretty rural there. I’m guessing half of the roads aren’t even identified.’

Bennet spoke last, ‘I still have 12 minutes to go through here,’ she gestured to the recording on her screen, ‘but I’m not seeing anything obviously missing.’

Jane tapped her foot thinking. Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes was twenty minutes too long. Cailin had been missing for hours. ‘Korsack?’ Jane asked, turning to her partner and friend, ‘wanna take a drive?’

Korsack nodded, ‘I thought you’d never ask.’ He grabbed his jacket and keys, setting out toward the elevator.

‘Janie!’ Frankie called ‘where are you going? You don’t even have an address yet!’

‘Nina said twenty minutes. It’ll take 45 to get to Harvard. If we leave now, that’s twenty minutes closer.’

‘And what if she’s not there? What if you’re wrong? What if Nina pulls a completely different location?’ Frankie asked, challenging her thinking.

Jane grinned, ‘that’s why you, Holiday, and the suits are staying here. If we’re wrong, you go get her.’ Frankie let out a frustrated sigh, throwing up his hands in defeat.

‘I’ll text you!’ Nina called after her.

Jane waved, turning to walk away only to collide with the small, solid, angry form of Noemi Baccay. ‘Recruit?’ Jane asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Ma’am?’ Noemi asked matching her tone.

Jane felt a tug in her heart. ‘You’re staying put Baccay,’ Jane said, trying to put on her most authoritative instructor voice.

‘You’re mistaken. I promised Doctor Isles I’d watch your back. I can’t do that from a squad room,’ Noemi said in just as firm a tone.

‘You’re a rookie,’ Jane countered, crossing her arm, ‘you could get hurt out there.’ That was the true crux of it. Jane had spent the last five months pouring every bit of herself in to Noemi Baccay. She’d taught her, cheered for her, gotten to know her. Even if this was exactly what Jane had trained her for, Jane didn’t want to put her in danger. Jane cared too much.

‘I’m your partner,’ Noemi countered, mimicking Jane’s stance, crossing her arms, ‘you won’t let me get hurt.’

Jane raised an eyebrow, ‘are you defying a direct order from your instructor, recruit?’

‘Yes,’ Noemi responded, ‘and I’m keeping a promise to a friend. Either you leave with me or you don’t leave at all.’ Noemi raised her eyebrow in a challenge. Jane looked at her recruit with a mixture of pride and exasperation. One day, Jane decided, she’d like to take that challenge. Even though Jane had a good several inches on the younger woman, Jane suspected Noemi could give as good as she got in the sparring department.

Jane sighed, throwing up her hands in the same way Frankie had earlier, ‘fine! Let’s go.’

A guffaw erupted behind Jane, following her out of the squad room. Shown up, by her own recruit, Jane thought. She’d never hear the end of it. In all of the commotion, no one noticed Hope slipping quietly out of the conference room and down the stairs after the pair.

* * *

Hope hurried down the stairs, racing to beat the elevator. That Jane was going after Cailin was obvious. What other reason would Jane have for leaving? And if Jane was going after Cailin then Hope was coming too. Hope broke in to a jog when she hit the lobby, running towards the two dark haired women. ‘Jane!’ Hope called.

Jane whirled on the spot turning to look at Hope. ‘Hope?’

‘Jane,’ Hope started when she had caught up with the two women, catching her breath as she spoke, ‘I’m coming with you.’

Jane frowned, ‘Hope that’s really not a good idea.’

‘You’re going after my baby, right?’ Hope asked, imploringly.

Jane exchanged looks with the woman at her side, ‘yeah. We _think_. There’s a chance that she’s there but there’s a chance that she’s not.’

‘Then I’m coming with you,’ Hope said, trying to walk past the solid woman.

Kind but firm hands stopped her, Hope looked up in to amber brown eyes, ‘this is serious Hope. Dangerous. Cailin could be hurt. She could be dead.’

Hope flinched but she didn’t back down, ‘I’m aware. If she’s hurt I’ll treat her and if she’s gone…’ Hope let herself trail off. Could she handle it? Could anyone handle that?

Jane’s face softened, ‘I just need to know that you’ll follow orders. There’s a decent chance we’re walking in to a hostage situation Hope. You might be able to see her and not get to her. If you try, it will put you, me, and every one else there in danger.’

Hope pulled herself up straighter, ‘I’ve treated patients in some of the worst parts of the world. I’ve had to flee from insurgents and taken commands from soldiers. I can do this Agent Rizzoli.’

‘Alright _Dr. Martin_ ,’ Jane said with a nod, ‘you can come.’ The woman next to Jane raised an eyebrow at Jane, a smirk on her face. Hope wondered if she would say something. ‘Come on, Noemi, it’s her kid,’ Jane said in exasperation.

‘You better not let Maura know,’ the woman, Noemi, said with the hint of teasing in her voice.

Jane paled slightly, looking conflictingly at Hope, ‘god she’s gonna kill me for putting all three of us in danger.’

Hope shrugged, walking past the woman to climb in the back seat, ‘best to tell her after then Jane.’ Vince looked at her with surprise but said nothing as she buckled up.

Jane groaned as she climbed in to the front seat. Noemi slid into the back with Hope. Vince raised his eyebrow at Jane. ‘What?’ Jane shot back, ‘you wanna make a comment old man?’

Korsack chuckled, raising his fingers in defeat, ‘me? Nope, not me. I’m good.’

The drive was quiet. Tense. Hope supposed she could have done something to alleviate that but it was taking everything inside her to hold herself together. They’d been on the road for nearly ten minutes when Jane’s phone began buzzing.

‘Rizzoli,’ Jane said her eyes flicking up at Hope in the mirror. ‘Yes, Agent Bennet I have her with me.’ Jane paused, letting the other woman speak. Hope could hear the other agent speaking quite loudly and seemingly quite angrily at Jane. At last, Jane interrupted her, ‘she followed me Bennet. I didn’t take her anywhere-‘ Jane was cutoff. ‘What? No! No we aren’t having some clandestine meeting with Doyle. We’re on our way to find her daughter.’ Jane’s tone was harsh, annoyed. ‘Fine. Follow us. That was always the plan but no we aren’t waiting for you.’ The woman hung up. Hope felt guilty for getting Jane in trouble. She hadn’t meant to give Bennet and Cruz the slip. She just… couldn’t let them stop her. It was different. Jane didn’t say anything to more her. Hope was grateful.

‘Maura says they’ve just left Maryland,’ Noemi spoke to the quiet car. ‘Should I tell her… anything?’

All eyes went to Jane who bit her lower lip, running a hand through her hair, ‘yeah,’ Jane said at last, her tone particularly gravelly sounding, ‘tell them to drive safe.’ Noemi nodded, texting back. Jane met Hope’s eyes, ‘you said to tell her after right?’ Hope smiled and nodded, that she had. It was better Maura focused on getting here. They would deal with the consequences after.

An eternity was spent watching snow covered trees pass by before all three phones buzzed. ‘Nina got us a location,’ Jane said, pulling up her GPS. ‘She says its not exact because its a forrest cabin on a couple of acres but its something.’

Vince looked at the GPS nodding as he traced the route, ‘we’re on track. Should be there in 15 to 20 depending on the snow. So what’s the game plan Jane?’

‘We arm up and find the cabin,’ Jane said, ‘evaluate the situation and then we handle it.’

Noemi cleared her throat, ‘if google maps is right, I found the cabin.’ She passed her phone up to Jane.

‘There’s the dirt road, we’ll have to park pretty far back to avoid giving ourselves away. Hike in on foot.’

‘Got it,’ Vince said, ‘it’s been a while since either of us worked a hostage situation.’

Jane sighed, ‘Frankie, Nina, the suits, and a whole contingent of officers are twenty minutes behind us. We can handle twenty minutes. Do you have your medical supplies doc?’

‘Yes,’ Hope said, clearing her throat to speak more loudly, ‘I always do.’

‘Bring ‘em,’ Jane said meeting Hope’s eyes in the mirror, ‘you’ll stay behind us. Understand?’ Hope nodded, she wasn’t new to crisis situations and she knew better than most that disobeying a commanding officer’s orders could create chaos. Silence reigned again. Vince turned off his headlights as he turned on to the start of the dirt road, pulling off to the side.

The four of them climbed out of the car. Hope shivered. While she had thought to grab her winter gear and was wearing her boots, she had not anticipated a quarter mile hike in rural Boston in a storm. Vince opened his trunk, pulling out vests and weapons. Hope peered in to the darkness. Cailin was somewhere beyond those trees.

‘You’re lucky I hold on to my personal gear,’ Vince said as he cinched the belt around his waist before pulling his jacket back on. Jane grunted in acknowledgement. In another situation might have laughed at the way the two women swam in the vests of the much bigger man. Instead her eyes routed her back to the trees. Hope could hear the faint clicks of metal as the three of them handled their guns. ‘Here ya go Doc,’ Vince said pressing a tire iron in to her hands.

‘What?’ Hope asked looking down at the long metal in her hands.

‘Just in case,’ Vince said with a reassuring smile and pat to her shoulder that had the opposite effect on Hope.

‘You okay?’ Jane met her eyes, a swirl of emotions there. Hope nodded, tightening her grip on the iron. Jane nodded, ‘got your medical supplies?’ Hope nodded, holding up her purse which always had a basic emergency field kit in it.

‘I’ll take the left,’ Vince said, sweeping out in that direction of the road, walking along the tracks.

‘I’ll go right,’ Noemi said walking that way.

‘I guess that leaves us on point,’ Jane said to Hope, ‘stay _behind_ me.’ Hope did her best to follow a few feet behind the detective as she swept the road. Hope tried to make out anything in the darkness in front of them. Any pinprick of light. Any sign of her missing daughter.

They had been walking long enough for Hope to feel the ache of the cold in her bones when Vince signalled them over. The four of them huddled together for warmth as they looked at the phone Vince held. ‘We should be right on top of it,’ Jane said her teeth chattering.

‘It’s google maps,’ Noemi retorted, her own voice shivering, ‘it isn’t an exact science.’ Noemi zoomed in to see the road. ’Sergeant Korsack is correct, we need to go left.’ So they went left. Jane and Vince in the lead, Hope and Noemi in the rear. Just as Hope felt like running screaming in to the night they broke through the trees to see a pair of cars parked in front of what appeared to be a barely standing cabin. Hope gasped, grabbing for something, anything to hold on to. Noemi’s bicep ended up being the thing she grabbed.

‘It’s okay Doc,’ Noemi whispered softly, ‘we’re gonna find her.’ Hope nodded in thanks, gulping down the tears threatening to spill.

The foursome approached the cars. ‘Tracks,’ Jane whispered pointing to the clear path in the snow, ‘I only see one.’

‘Recent,’ Vince said looking at the powder on the ground, ‘at this rate, others might have been covered in the last half hour.’

‘Going in,’ Noemi supplied, ‘none coming back out.’

‘No windows on this side,’ Jane whispered, ‘I’m guessing the tracks lead to the door though.

‘We’re gonna have to split up and go around,’ Vince offered.

‘Okay,’ Jane said, ‘you two go around back. Doc and I will follow the tracks.’ The pair nodded, though neither looked particularly happy about it. Hope didn’t blame them, she wasn’t the person she wanted backing Jane in a fight.

Jane lead them on a slow creep forward, following the tracks to the cabin wall. Jane peeked around the corner before quickly ducking back in to hiding, ‘shit.’

‘What?’ Hope whispered.

‘Single male at the doorway. Just standing there looking in,’ Jane responded.

‘Did you see Cailin?’ Hope asked. Jane shook her head.

Hope had just opened her mouth to reply when she heard a familiar voice call out ‘what’s it gonna be Russo?’

Jane’s eyes went wide, her head swivelling between Hope and the corner she was peaking around. ‘What the hell is Paddy Doyle doing here?’

Hope shook her head, she didn’t know but she could guess. Paddy was here for her because he knew Hope couldn’t lose another baby. Hope wasn’t a particularly religious woman but she found herself thanking the Lord for that stubborn man’s love. Hope inched around Jane, poking her head around the corner. There he was, backlit by firelight. How many iterations of this man did she know? How many times had she traced the lines of his body? How many times had she mended his broken flesh? Even in near darkness she knew a fighting stance when she saw one. Paddy Doyle was fighting for her.

Hope heard a second voice speaking inside, muffled. Paddy shouted back in to the room, ‘send the girl out to tie me up. Then she can walk away.’ A second muffled reply. And then Hope’s heart stopped. Cailin was there. Mere feet away. Jane grabbed her around the middle, holding her from running and Hope bit her lip hard to keep from crying out. Whatever Paddy was doing, Hope knew better than to interrupt. Hope watched in anguished torture as her youngest sobbed, wrapping a rope around the man she knew only as her mother’s lover. The muffled voice spoke again, this time closer sounding, as though he were moving to the door.

‘Get out of here,’ Paddy muttered urgently, ‘my keys are in the ignition. Go.’ Cailin hesitated and Hope wanted to scream at her to run. To get out of there. ‘Go,’ Paddy said gruffly checking her away from the doorway with a shoulder. And then her baby was running toward her, eyes wide with panic. Pulling away from Jane’s grasp, Hope did the only thing a mother could. She stepped out in to the open, arms held open wide. A shot pierced the quiet of the night just as Hope caught her baby girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. These next few chapters have me feeling raw y'all. Please be gentle!


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Gun shots, shooting, chasing, dark woods, death, family loss... 
> 
> You have my daughters insistence on watching The Grinch at 4:30 am to thank for this early morning post.

**_Bang._ **

Jane responds on instinct. She grabs the two women, yanking them behind the safety of the wall, shielding them behind as much of herself as possible.

‘Mum?’ Cailin’s voice sobs softly in to her mother’s arms, hands winding in to the fabric of her mother’s jacket.

‘I’m here,’ Hope whispers back, her hands frantically checking her daughter for wounds, ‘are you okay?’

‘FBI, drop the weapon!’ Jane hears Noemi shouting from the far end of the cabin, Russo and Paddy sandwiched between them.

‘Runner!’ Korsack yells.

Jane jumps in to action swinging around the corner and straight in to the path of a bewildered man. 5’10”, blonde hair, blue eyes, early 30’s. Gun, right hand, Ruger, 6 rounds. Jane brings her gun up yelling, ‘freeze Russo!’ The man scurries left heading for the tree line. Behind him, Paddy lies in the entry way of the cabin.

**_Bang._ **

Russo is shooting wildly over his shoulder at them. That really pisses Jane off. Jane takes off after him, stomping through the heavy snow. Russo is almost at the tree line when Noemi catches up to Jane. Somewhere behind her she hears Korsack shouting directions at Hope and Cailin.

**_Bang._ **

Noemi and Jane hit the tree line just as Russo fires another shot. Jane jumps left, concealing herself behind a tree for a second before leaping forward. ‘Do you see him?’ Noemi pants somewhere to her right.

‘There,’ Jane says as his figure hits a patch of moonlight. As one they lunge forward, trying to keep sight of the man in the darkness. Jane stumbles over a bush and Noemi surges past her, moving quickly. Jane pushes herself to her feet, her lungs burning, her knees aching.

**_Bang._ **

Jane hears rather than sees Russo crashing forward. ’Two left,’ Jane calls out running in Russo’s general direction. Jane sees the clearing, Noemi doesn’t. She bursts in to the open, a patch of moonlight illuminating her.

**_Bang._ **

Jane sees the muzzle flare. She sees Noemi topple over. She doesn’t see where the bullet hit her. She doesn’t hear Korsack rushing up beside her. ’Noemi!’ Jane yells. Noemi groans. Jane sees Russo then, his pale, skinny form darts between patches of moonlight and in to the trees. ‘Oh no you don’t fucker,’ Jane curses.

‘I got her,’ Korsack gestures toward Noemi, ‘go.’

Jane crosses the clearing in a matter of seconds without daring a second glance for the recruit on her back or the man on his knees trying to stem the bleeding. Jane chased with a single minded purpose. Russo had one shot left and Jane really hoped he’d give her an excuse to fire back.

* * *

Paddy groans, coming around from the pain of being shot. That he has been shot, Paddy recognises immediately. He’s been shot enough times to know. What surprises him is the soft lap his head is in. Brown hair tickles his face as someone presses hard on his stomach. ‘Cailin?’ Paddy groans as the face swims in to focus, ‘what’re you… doing? Run.’

Cailin looks at him with wide eyes. Just like Hope when he would surprise her with hot cinnamon rolls before her hospital shift. ‘You know my name?’ The girl whispers, ‘how?’

‘You…’ Paddy grunts as his midsection tightens, ‘look like.. Hope.’

Cailin’s eyes grew wet, a tear drop falling softly against Paddy’s cheek. He tries to reach up, wipe it off, but strong hands held him down. Then the voice of an angel, his angel spoke, ‘don’t move.’

Paddy knew what she said but he had to see. He tilted his head up, grateful when Cailin shifted with him, helping. ‘Ho-pe.’

There she was, bathed in the firelight of the cabin, pressing hard on his abdomen. Her cheeks were streaked in tears, her hands adorned in gloves and blood. ‘I’m here, love,’ she whispered with a hoarse voice even as she worked. ‘I’m here.’ Paddy closed his eyes. She had called him love again. His eyes opened again, drinking in the vision of her.

‘Is he going to be alright?’ Cailin was close enough Paddy could feel the heat of her breath on his forehead.

‘Dy-ing,’ Paddy answered for his love. He’d acknowledge the hard truth for her. He’d do anything for her. Especially this.

‘Mum?’ Cailin whispered. Hope whimpered.

‘Its…’ Paddy sucked in a breath, ‘okay… love.’

‘Help!’ A man’s voice called from a distance, ‘someone help me!’

Paddy saw the women above him trade looks. Cailin lifted his head, putting it down gently before dashing beyond his line of sight. Hope was over him now, her beautiful green eyes just above him. She pressed a kiss to his lips and Paddy smiled. His angel. His beautiful angel.

‘Paddy, you can’t die’ Hope’s voice was broke, ‘I still have so much I need to say. To tell you.’

‘Mm here,’ Paddy groaned, each word taking monumental effort. ‘Tell… me.’

‘I can’t…’ Hope sputtered out, ‘I can’t thank you enough. My life. My love. Everything.’ Her words were punctuated by giant sobs. Paddy managed to find her hand, holding it with all his might. ‘I didn’t thank you enough. I didn’t love you enough.’

‘Yes… you… did.’ Paddy insisted. She _needed_ to know this. ‘Love… you… my… Hope.’

‘Paddy,’ Hope ran her fingers over his cheek, ‘you saved her. You saved our daughter.’

Paddy nodded, she understood, finally. Maybe she couldn’t forgive him but she understood, ‘had… to… save… Maura.’

Hope shook her head, sniffling, ‘no, not Maura, love. Cailin. You saved _our_ girl.’

Understanding dawned on him slowly. His chest thumping louder, filling with surprise and wonder. ‘Cailin?’

Hope whimpered burying her face in his chest, ‘yes. Cailin’s yours.’

‘Two’ Paddy asked, ‘Daughters?’ His head turned automatically towards the approaching sound of his youngest daughters voice. His daughters voice. His daughter.

‘Yes,’ Hope whispered, pressing her lips to his cheeks, ‘you gave me two of the most beautiful wonderful daughters in the world.’

‘My… girl…’ Paddy whispered as Caitlin came back in to view. She was beautiful.

‘Mum?’ Cailin spoke, Paddy grinned. His girl. ‘One of the officers was shot. They need you.’

Hope looked at Paddy, desperation in her eyes. ‘Go,’ Paddy grunted, ‘love… you… forever.’

Hope sniffled, ‘I love you too.’ She pressed a kiss to his lips. She spoke once more, their lips brushing, ‘goodbye my heart.’ Then she was standing. Paddy sighed, watching her go.

Cailin shifted, taking her mother’s place. She slipped a tentative hand in his. He opened an eye to see a brave look on her face. It reminded him of Collin that first night he’d shown up at Paddy’s door. She might be afraid but that wouldn’t stop her. ‘I wanted to thank you,’ Cailin whispered, ‘for saving me.’ Paddy smiled up at his girl, squeezing her hand. ‘Do you need anything?’

’St-ay?’ Paddy asked. Cailin nodded, squeezing his hand back.

Paddy closed his eyes. This was a better death then he could have dared dream of. He wasn’t waiting for it to find hm. He’d greeted it on his own terms, in his own way. He’d saved his daughter. There was pain, sure, but mostly Paddy felt peace. He took a breath, breathing in the smell of Boston’s snow, of evergreens and fire. He let it out. He took another breath, traces of his Hope filled his lungs. He could see her in his minds eye, see her smile, the way she looked when she laughed. The way she smelled of wild flowers, latex and and antiseptic. Maura smelled so much like her and one day, Paddy realised, Cailin would too. His beautiful, wonderful, girls… he could hold on to that smell forever. Little by little, Paddy’s hold slackened, his hand falling limp in his daughter's. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are confused RE:Cailin's parentage... I did research! Cailin's father is mentioned only twice that I could find. The first is at the initial dinner between Hope/Maura and family when Hope mentions her ex having financial struggles. The second is to say only that her ex isn't a match for the kidney. So it is possible that Hope's ex is Cailin's biological father BUT...
> 
> Paddy and Hope have documented contact in early 1993 after the Cavanaugh incident. Cailin is entering her Sophmore year in 2013 'Cold as Ice' after taking a semester off earlier in the show. Which puts her birthdate somewhere between fall '93 and summer of '94. Which means its possible that Paddy/Hope are the birth parents of Cailin.
> 
> This is further supported by the idea that Maura is a kidney match. Parents typically are a partial match for a kidney but age discrepancy restricts their donation benefit. That could be what eliminates Cailin's parents. However if Maura and Cailin actually have the same genetic parents. If Maura is only a half-sibling her kidney match chances are a very low probability and a parental kidney is a better choice, regardless of age. If Maura is a full genetic sibling there is a 50% chance that Maura is a perfect match and a 25% chance she is an 'ideal' match. The show doesn't elaborate on how Maura matches up but it is implied that Maura is the best option. 
> 
> So how does that work? Hope has a tryst, which she regrets, with Paddy getting pregnant. Knowing his history, his family, etic. she chooses to hide the fact that Cailin is Paddy's and opts to marry someone she isn't in love with. He adopts or is clueless of Cailin's heritage but is protected and sheltered from Paddy's world by virtue of no one but Hope knowing Cailin is Paddy's. 
> 
> Any who... that is my take on things. It is technically 'canon non-compliant' though.


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Foul language, patriarchy, assault

Jane is chasing the sound of Vincent Russo far more than the sight of him. The crunch of snow, the bristling of bushes, the heavy panting. Russo was slowing down. The cold air burned Jane’s lungs, her legs ached, a cut on her cheek that she had gotten somewhere along the way stung. The snow was thick enough to make running hard. That was all with Jane’s benefit of being a trained, marathon running, ass kicking athlete. Russo was running on adrenaline and that was running out.

Jane heard a crash followed by a grunt and a curse. Jane lunged, her gun trained on a shadow she could barely decipher. ‘Drop it Russo,’ Jane yells loudly.

The shadow shifted, pushing itself from the ground. ‘Stupid bitch,’ Russo spat. ‘Fucking women.’

Jane kept her gun steady, waiting. Russo spun, pointing his own gun at Jane. ‘Give me a reason,’ Jane spits back, the venom in her voice surprising even her, ‘ _please_ give me a reason. You shot a federal agent asshole.’

‘She’s a cunt doing a man’s job,’ Russo screamed, his voice shattering the silence of night. ‘Just like you.’

‘Put the gun down,’ Jane ordered, willing herself to ignore his taunts. She took one careful step forward, followed by another. Russo didn’t move.

‘You stupid bitches, you all think you’re so great. So much fucking better than the rest of us,’ Vinnie ranted, waving his gun around. Jane took another step. ‘Someone has to teach you what your place is.’

Jane spins from the line of fire just before Vinnie’s last gun shot embeds itself in a tree just behind where Jane had been standing. Jane whirled around trying to raise her gun, expecting Russo to be running again.

Instead, his hard body pummells in to hers. Driving her in to the ground. Jane’s gun goes flying in to the dark and snow, her back landing with a woosh the blow cushioned by snow and her down jacket, a gift from Maura. Jane knows better than to let Russo find space to swing his fists. She grabs and brings him in to her space, shifting his centre of gravity to flip him over. Another gift from Maura. Below her he grunted and cursed. Jane grapples with him, blocking as he grabs for her throat. Jane presses forward, trying to gain the advantage. Russo pushes back. It’s a stalemate until Russo shifts, grabbing an arm and biting down on her exposed wrist hard enough to draw blood. Jane lets out a primal scream, slamming him into the ground, wrenching her bloodied wrist free.

A familiar voice pierces the darkness like the sun after a long night, ‘Jane?’

‘Over here!’ Jane yells. To Russo she growls, ’and that’s my back up bitch! We just keep coming, asshole!’

‘Jane?’ Nina’s voice sounds closer this time.

‘Nina!’ Jane shouts back, ‘I’m over here!’

Nina bursts from the trees, gun drawn, ten feet to Jane’s left. Russo tries once more to flip Jane over. Jane shoves him back to the ground. Then Nina is there, helping Jane to roll him over. Jane slaps the handcuffs Nina hands her on him while Nina reads him his rights. ‘You okay?’ Nina asks at last, taking Jane in. Jane is sure its a sight to behold, her hairs a mess, her face and arm are bleeding, her clothes ripped, wet and dirty.

‘Yeah,’ Jane says, standing to brush the snow off. ‘Let me find my gun.’ It took Jane less time than she expected to find her weapon and, with a pair of gloves, she retrieved Russo’s too.

‘Frankie radioed. He’ll meet us at the car. Roads this way,’ Nina says pushing Russo forward. ‘Vince called, ordered a bus for Noemi. He told us the suspect was headed west and you were hot on his heels. Frankie figured he would be working his way towards the road. We heard the gun shot and split up.’

Jane nodded, exhaustion seeping in. ‘I’m glad you found me. I wouldn’t want to have to haul this asshole in alone. Not when there can be _two women_ showing him how its done.’ Jane grins a predatory grin at Russo who spits a mixture of saliva and her own blood at her. Jane stepped deftly aside cackling.

Nina laughed, not bothering to keep her actions from jostling Russo’s uncomfortably pinned shoulders. ‘That’s one of my favourite things about you Rizzoli, you’re always so humble.’

Jane barked a laugh back at her. For the second time that night a hard body collided with Jane’s. This one was familiar though and less intent on pummelling and more intent on squeezing the breath out of her lungs. ‘Janie! Thank God!’ Jane hugged her little brother back before pulling away. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Jane nodded, ‘your fiancé got there just in time to help me arrest this deadbeat.’ Jane kicked Russo’s shins vindictively. ‘How’s Noemi?’

Frankie paled slightly, making Jane’s stomach drop, ‘the doc’s with her. They can’t get a bus through, so they’re going to airlift her out.’

‘In this?’ Jane asked, gesturing toward the snow falling down around them. Frankie shrugged, opening the back door of the cruiser. Nina shoved Russo in, with only the barest bit of help to keep him from braining himself on the frame.

‘What about Paddy?’ Jane asked. Frankie shook his head, ‘didn’t make it. What was he doing here? The suits have their underwear all up in a twist about him being here.’

‘He saved Cailin. Exchanged himself for her,’ Jane said sadly, ‘fuck. What am I gonna tell Maura?’

Nina touched her arm then, ‘that her sister is safe and you’ll see her soon.’ It was comforting, reassuring. A tether in the storm. Jane smiled back at her future sister in law. ‘She’ll learn the rest soon enough.'

Jane nodded, accepting the offered comfort that she could, until a second thought crossed her mind. What was she going to tell Aarna?

* * *

Maura shifts in her seat, tapping her foot to the beat of the radio. Aarna had driven them through Philadelphia before Maura had insisted they switch places. Aarna had fussed, insisting she wasn’t tired but had relented eventually, switching places and promptly curling in to a very uncomfortable looking sleeping position in the passenger seat. Maura hadn't been able to sleep. It had been 92 minutes since Maura had last heard from Jane. Maura chewed her cheek, frustrated with the lack of data. It could mean anything. It could mean she was busy, that she close to cracking it, that Cailin was dead and Jane couldn’t tell her over the phone. It could mean Jane was in trouble, unable to reach out to Maura. It could mean both Jane and Cailin were dead. ‘Stop it Maura,’ Maura whispered to herself. The sleeping girl beside her stirred slightly. Maura let out a breath muttering softly, ‘that kind of thinking won’t help you. You don’t have enough data to draw a conclusion. That’s it.’ Maura wasn’t sure how long the cycle repeated itself, how many miles she had driven, asking answer-less questions, round and round again.

And then her phone is ringing. Jane’s ID on the touch screen. Maura pulls over as quickly as she safely could, throwing on the hazards and answering the phone as quickly as she safely could. ‘Jane?’ Maura asks, a desperate edge audible in her voice. Aarna stirs, turning to look at Maura through a sleep filled haze

‘Maur,’ Jane’s voice is weary, ‘we have her. She’s safe.’

Maura burst in to tears. ‘You do?’ she asks, not sure she believes it. Aarna has taken her hand once more, cradling it gently.

‘Yeah, we got her,’ Jane says again softly, ‘they’re taking her to the hospital for a concussion but she’s okay.’

‘Did he?’ Maura whispers afraid to ask. Aarna squeezes her hand, holding her gaze reassuringly, promising to be there whatever the outcome.

‘No,’ Jane says voice full of relief. ‘He didn’t.’ Maura is grateful she didn’t have to clarify further for Jane, the very thought of saying it making her queasy.

‘Thank you Jane,’ Maura whispers, ‘thank you for finding my sister.’

Jane is silent a moment. If Maura didn’t know her better, Maura might think Jane was crying. ‘Always, Maur. How are you guys doing? How are the dogs?’

‘We’re doing well. Almost to New York,’ Maura says, ‘the girls are passed out.’

‘Jane?’ Aarna asks, her voice still thick with sleep, ‘is Noie there?’

Another moment of silence. Maura could feel Aarna’s hands begin to shake. Finally, Jane spoke, ‘no, she’s going to the hospital with Cailin.’

‘Oh,’ Aarna said softly her face drooping in disappointment, ‘okay.’

‘We’ll see you when you get here. Drive safe.’

‘We will,’ Maura promises, ‘I love you.’

‘Love you too,’ Jane says before hanging up.

Aarna smiles at her warmly, ‘they did it!’

Maura grins back, ‘yes they did!’ Still, Maura thought, something didn’t sit right with Maura. She had a nagging feeling that Jane wasn’t telling them everything. 

‘You wanna switch?’ Aarna asks. ‘Now that you can sleep?’

Maura considers it for a moment before accepting. A short nap would make the time pass faster. Four hours. Four hours and then she could hold Cailin. And Jane. And almost every one else in the world she held dear. Four hours and Maura could be sure her family was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know some of y'all are gonna be upset that Vinnie lives. A great number of you have made it very clear that Vinnie should have a slow, painful death. But Jane's a cop, not a vigilante, and a good one that. She isn't going to kill if she can capture. Plus I like to think that Jane is just making sure Maura has the opportunity to say whatever she wants to this ass. 
> 
> I have written a little ahead but I am still working on the next few chapters. I do not have big plans for this holiday weekend but it may or may not affect my posting schedule! I'm not committing to anything one way or another. :)


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Injury, hitting, grief, foul language.

By dawn Aarna knows that something is very wrong. Noemi had not answered a single message since her last ‘drive safe.’ Aarna plays out the conversation with Jane on repeat, Noie had gone to the hospital with Cailin. Noie had not reached out. Aarna was clinging to the hope that something had happened to Noemi’s phone but the gnawing feeling in her gut told Aarna otherwise. Something was wrong, something bad enough that Jane didn’t want to tell them on the phone. Something bad enough that Noie had not been able to reach out and tell Aarna she was safe.

When they had hit the outskirts of Boston, Maura had woken and taken over. She’d driven them first to her Boston home to drop off the dogs. Their FBI tail had trailed them the whole night long, leaving a bitter taste in Aarna’s mouth. They hadn’t even pretended to be discrete. Then Maura had driven them to the hospital. Aarna counted her breaths as they drove. She wasn’t sure how much Maura had figured out. Maura was brilliant and she had the advantage of knowing Jane better but on the off chance she hadn’t realised, Aarna didn’t want to be the one to tell her. Not when Aarna didn’t actually know anything. Not when the idea of speaking the words made Aarna nauseous.

Aarna followed Maura, feeling like some cross between a bodyguard and a puppy. She had promised Jane she’d stay by Maura’s side, watch over her, even if Jane hadn’t lived up to her side. Maura stopped on the second floor. Aarna followed down the length of the hallway, her heart racing. The closer they got, the more Aarna didn’t want to know. Maura paused, briefly peeking in to a darkened room. Aarna saw a rush of emotions play out over the stoic woman’s face. If Aarna had to guess, she would say it was relief that won out. The woman’s eyes crinkled, her mouth turning up slightly, her hand touching her heart softly.

‘Everything okay?’ Aarna asks, her voice barely a whisper.

‘They’re asleep,’ Maura whispers back, seeming reluctant to look away.

‘Jane?’ Aarna asks confused, knowing the agent had texted Maura the room number a few minutes ago.

‘My mother and sister,’ Maura responds, finally tearing her gaze away, ‘we’ll let them sleep. Let’s go find Jane.’

Maura leads her back to the elevator. She presses the ‘up’ button like she knows where she’s going and Aarna has to remember to breath. Maura hits the number 6, labeled ‘surgery’ and Aarna wants to vomit. Maura puts a hand on Aarna’s arm and Aarna gulps in another pained breath of air. ‘Surgery is better than the morgue,’ Aarna manages to get out. If Maura has thoughts on that she doesn’t share them with Aarna.

Aarna doesn’t know what propels her from the elevator. Desperation perhaps. Aarna walks the linoleum floor, towards the waiting lounge where she can see Jane Rizzoli sitting. Aarna’s eyes sweep the room, boring in to every chair and corner, searching desperately. She has to be there. Noie has to be there. She can’t, not be there. Aarna won’t, can’t believe her eyes. Jane stands to greet them. She offers a sad smile to Maura before her attention turns to Aarna. Her posture is defeated, lined in grief.

‘Aarna,’ Jane starts, her voice brimming with emotions hastily shoved away. Aarna’s ear roar, her vision blurring as her anger swells. This wasn’t the deal. Aarna had done her job. She’d been Maura’s good obedient guard dog. Jane hadn’t done fucking hers. Rage unlike anything Aarna had ever felt doused Aarna from head to toe. ‘I’m so sorr-‘ Jane begins. Aarna stops her with a slap. Her palm connecting with the agents cheek.

From the periphery Aarna sees the waiting around her explode with movement, a dark haired man who looked a lot like Jane leaping to his feet as a black skinned woman grabbed his wrist. Maura is stepping between them, pushing Aarna and Jane apart. Jane permits the space but doesn’t move otherwise. She doesn’t look Aarna in the eyes, she doesn’t raise her hands in defence, she doesn’t even twitch. Aarna whirls on her heel, walking away as quickly as her feet could carry her. She needed to be some place else, any where else. A door to a stairwell was enough. Aarna found herself in a chilly corridor, slamming her fists against the wall as the first sobs began to fall. And then strong arms are there, pulling her in to a hug both familiar and foreign, smelling vaguely of honeysuckle, coffee and antiseptic. Maura. And Aarna falls apart.

* * *

Jane was having a fucking morning.

They’d sent Russo to the local sheriffs to be held until he could be booked in Boston while Frankie, the suits, and the locals jockeyed for jurisdictional claims of the crime scene. Jane borrows a deputy’s first aid kit and treats her wounds as best as she can, sitting side by side with Korsack. The locals take her statement first and Jane tries to be diplomatic, praising their response time and helpfulness. Frankie and Nina go next, asking a million questions for their case files. Korsack had barely even protested when they bagged his guns for evidence. The suits came last, lead by none other than Gabriel Fucking Dean. At least he had fewer questions that needed answering and went more for a yelling rant about her actions. Jane mostly tuned him out. She had nothing to do with Paddy. Not really.

When the interrogations had finished, Jane realised that no one had called Noemi’s next of kin. Worse, Jane realised that she’d have to call the academy director for that information. Which meant waking her boss before dawn, walking him through the situation, informing him that a recruit had been shot on _her_ watch and then waiting for him to get her the information. Jane supposed her time at the academy was over, though her boss had been surprisingly sparse in his response.

Then Jane had to call Noemi’s grandmother. Jane had never been good at notifying the victim’s family. Noemi’s grandmother had answered the phone with ‘this better be good,’ which had reminded Jane so strongly of Noemi she wanted to cry. Jane had helped the older woman with the details, going so far as to book her a ticket on the first flight from DC. She figured it was barely scratching the surface for the debt that Jane and Maura owed Noemi.

Then she and Korsack _finally_ got to make the drive to the hospital. Dawn was just beginning to break when they arrived. A search for ‘Doctor Martin’ lead Jane to a room on the second floor where Hope lay sleeping holding Cailin in her arms. A gut feeling and a charming conversation with a nurse, brought Jane to the surgical ward where Noemi was an hour and a half in to an emergency surgery. Jane had all but flopped in to a seat in the waiting room. Korsack, who had been by her side through it all, settled next to her. He patted her leg in solidarity but said nothing.

At some point Frankie and Nina joined them, offering gifts of coffee and food. Jane didn’t have the stomach to eat them, giving hers to Korsack instead. Minutes seemed to stretch in to hours. Kiki and her mother had shown up and ushered the detectives in to fresh, dry clothes. A nurse came to look at Jane’s wounds, probably at her mother’s insistence. Fresh bandages and a tetanus shot later and Jane returned to her silent vigil. Her mother tried to offer Jane comfort but Jane shook her off. She didn’t deserve the comfort.

It was her fault Noemi had been hurt. She’d allowed Noemi to come to Boston. She’d allowed Noemi to leave the precinct. She’d allowed Noemi to take the lead in the woods. Jane should have stopped her. Should have made her stay behind. Should have kept her from that clearing.

Around the 3 hour mark, the elevator doors open to reveal Maura and Aarna. Jane stands, knowing what she owes her recruit. Jane watches the younger woman approach. Jane swallows as much emotion as she can, ‘Aarna, I’m so sorr-.’ Jane sees it coming. She sees the woman’s face harden in rage, sees her muscles shift, and Jane lets her have it. She lets Aarna slap her. Jane allows Maura to push them apart. Jane keeps her eyes cast down, keeps her hands still. She sees only Aarna’s feet as they about face and run away.

‘Are you alright?’ Maura asks her, soft fingers on her face.

‘Yeah,’ Jane responds, ‘you should follow her, make sure she knows Noemi is alive.’

‘Jane?’ Maura says, concern written all over her face.

Jane shakes her head, sitting back down in to the waiting room chair. She watched as Maura walked away, disappearing in to the stair well.

Korsack pats her shoulder, ‘that was almost as good as the one Angela gave me after Hoyt got you that first time.’

Angela laughed, ‘I forgot about that.’

Korsack chuckled, ‘I didn’t. I couldn’t sneeze without it hurting for a week.’

Jane just shook her head, running a shaking hand through her hair. What a fucking morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jane. :( This is a bit of a transitional chapter. We'll start processing ALL the feels in the next couple. 
> 
> Hope y'all had a good holiday (if you're american) and a good weeks end (regardless of nationality!)


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: death notification, medicinal highs, possible unintentional outing. 
> 
> Also I make little to no claims as to the medical accuracy of Noemi's wound. If you're a medical professional, you'll have to give me grace for any errors. Thanks!

Maura finds Aarna crying in the stairwell. Maura isn’t always proficient in the human emotion department but she tries. Maura pulls Aarna in to her arms and holds her, letting the woman sob on her shoulder. Maura rubs her back and makes a shushing sound that usually proved effective with her young clinic patients. Aarna balls her fists in to Maura’s shirt, clinging, barely standing under her own weight as grief over took her. Maura remembered the feeling. How many times had she collapsed in some hospital stairwell on Jane’s behalf? She wouldn’t let Aarna go through this alone. So Maura held her, rocking and shushing. ‘She’s alive, Aarna,’ Maura says softly, ‘she’s alive.’

‘She is?’ Aarna whimpers, her voice a torrent of pain and relief.

‘She’s alive,’ Maura confirms. Maura sways and rubs soothing circles. She comforts and she comforts and she comforts until Aarna pulls away, wiping her tears away.

‘I should have let Jane finish her sentence,’ Aarna says, shame written on her face, ‘I probably should apologise.’

‘Jane will understand,’ Maura promises softly.

Aarna nods, ‘I’m sorry about your shirt.’

Maura barely glanced at the garment which now had a sizeable wet stain on it. She touched Aarna’s cheek tenderly, ‘don’t worry about it.’ Maura looped her arm around Aarna’s and pulled her back towards the waiting room. ‘Let’s go see what we can find out.’

‘…Out of surgery now,’ a doctor wearing scrubs was talking to Jane now, ‘she’s stable now but we’ll have to wait and see.’

Jane nodded, thanking the man before catching Maura’s eyes, pain written all over her face. Then Jane’s attention shifts to Aarna love and concern discernibly evident on Jane’s face without so much as a hint of anger and Maura remembers exactly why she loves Jane with all her heart. This fierce, loving, beautiful soul who held Maura’s heart so completely, she loved others so deeply. Maura crosses the space, placing her hand on Jane’s lower back, trying to communicate love and sorrow and support all in a touch. Maura thinks, maybe, Jane understands, her eyes radiating gratitude as she smiles at Maura.

‘Doctor,’ Maura interrupted the man, ‘I’m Doctor Maura Isles, formerly the Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts. I’d like to ask you a few questions, please.’

The man nodded, his face a professionally somber veneer, but Maura could see the dark circles under his eyes. The look of a man who had spent the sunrise in a complicated multi-hour surgery. Maura asked several cursory follow up questions and upon ascertaining that Noemi truly was alright, Maura asked ‘when can we see her?”

‘It’s family only, I’m afraid,’ the surgeon said.

‘Then you’ll want Aarna here,’ Maura said gesturing to the woman who was looking at Maura with unveiled hope, ‘her sister.’

The surgeons eyebrows raised, ‘her sister?’

Maura challenged the look, ‘is that a problem?’

The surgeon frowned but shook his head no, ‘not at all. I’ll show her back.’

‘Please do,’ Maura said with a smile, ‘I would very much like to inform the governor how impressed I am by the level of care and dedication your staff has shown to one of our nations finest.’ It was a thinly veiled threat, wrapped politely in a compliment. It was a language Maura was well versed in, thanks to her upbringing. The man inclined his head and excused himself with a smile, gesturing for Aarna to come with. Aarna sent her a grateful look before disappearing from view. Maura, whose hand was still on Jane’s back, guides Jane away from the others and back in to the stairwell. Maura sits, patting the step next to her.

‘Is she really going to be okay?’ Jane asks, emotion breaking in her voice.

Maura wrapped an arm around Jane’s shoulder, holding her close, ‘yes she is. They had some trouble stopping the bleeding and they had to reconstruct her scapula with pins and she’ll have a fair amount of rehabilitation to complete but she’ll make a full recovery.’

Jane nodded, her head falling miserably on Maura’s shoulder, ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just… there was nothing you could do and I didn’t want either one of you rushing to get here if it was unsafe.’

Maura hummed, pressing a kiss to Jane’s head, ‘I can understand that even if I don’t approve. Aarna realised something must be wrong around dawn. I could see terror on her face the whole way over.’

‘What about you?’ Jane asked sorrowfully.

‘A few minutes after you called. I realised there was no reason for Noemi to be going to the hospital with Cailin unless she’d been hurt,’ Maura stroked Jane’s hair gently, careful to not snag any tangles in her fingers, ‘I realised you were deflecting by telling a technical truth.’

Jane nods, sniffling, ‘have you seen Cailin yet?’

Maura nods, ‘she and Hope were sound asleep when I walked by on the way up.’ Maura smiled at the memory of her mother and sister curled together, sound asleep and perfectly safe.

‘And the dogs?’

‘We dropped them at home before coming here. I realised we couldn’t leave them in the cold in the car,’ Maura supplied, content to sit holding Jane. Her fingers exploring Jane’s form, searching without Maura even realising it.

‘I’m not hurt,’ Jane mumbles, pulling away to look at Maura. ‘Not badly, anyways,’ Jane supplies as Jane touches her cheek which is bandaged with butterfly bandages. Maura catches her left wrist, deftly unwrapping the bandages there to find a human bite mark.

‘That will scar,’ Maura says frowning softly as she evaluated it before rewrapping it, ‘I assume its been treated?’

‘Flushed with antibacterial stuff that stung like hell and then given a tetanus shot for good measure,’ Jane affirms, rubbing her right bicep.

Maura smiled at Jane. ‘I love you,’ Maura whispers, pressing her lips to Janes. She marvels at how familiar, how safe, how perfect those lips are.

‘You do?’ Jane murmurs back, wetness in her eyes.

‘I do,’ Maura replies softly, ‘and I’m so glad you aren’t hurt.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Jane says a hint of her familiar taunt in her voice, ‘did you not see that hit?’

Maura chuckled, ‘I’ll admit that was a surprise. I was not anticipating her hitting you.’

‘Maura,’ Jane says in faux outrage, ’that hurt!’

Maura laughed a little harder, ‘I’m sorry, would you like me to kiss it better?’

Jane sputters, her mouth opening and closing before she finally grumbles a grumpy, ‘yes.’

Maura presses a kiss softly to Jane’s cheek, above her cut. ‘All better?’ Maura asks with an indulgent smile.

Jane blushes a bright rosy red. ‘Yes, thank you’ she murmurs softly. There’s a sort of pleasant quiet stretched between them. Maura lets her hand find Jane’s, intertwining their fingers. She didn’t know how Jane always got her to laugh, even in her hardest moments. Maura rested her head on Jane’s shoulder. ‘I could relate to what Aarna was feeling.’

‘Oh?’ Jane asks.

‘Yes, I’ve cried in a few stairwells over you.’

Jane looked sheepish over that, ‘hopefully not recently.’

‘No,’ Maura replied steadily, ‘though last night came close.’ Her free fingers traced the bandage on Jane’s arm, as though they were considering precisely how close she’d come.

Jane sighed, resting her cheek on the crown of Maura’s head. ‘Maura?’ Jane whispers, her voice echoing in the stairwell.

‘Yes Jane?’

Jane pauses, Maura can feel her moving, swallowing hard. Maura squeeze’s Jane’s hands tightly. Maura isn’t sure what she expects but it isn’t, ’Paddy was there.’

‘What?’ Maura can’t tell how she feels, shocked and aghast or not surprised at all. ‘What was he doing there?’

‘He traded places with Cailin,’ Jane said pulling away to look in Maura’s eyes once more. Sadness swam in those warm brown eyes again, ‘Maura, Russo shot him.’ Maura gasped, her eyes welling with tears, ‘he didn’t make it sweetie. I’m so sorry.’ Maura stares at Jane in disbelief.

‘Tell me you’re lying,’ Maura says pulling her hand away, ‘tell me it isn’t true Jane.’ Jane’s face falls, her breath escaping from parted lips, but she remains silent. ‘Jane?’ Maura begs, ‘tell me it isn’t true.'

‘I can’t baby,’ Jane says at last, her eyes welling with her own tears. ‘Hope tried to save him but with his cancer and getting shot it was just too much.’ Maura feels dazed. Numb, perhaps.

‘Hope was there?’ Maura can hear herself speaking but it sounds so distant.

Jane flinched, ‘yeah she insisted on coming along.’

‘And you let her?’ Maura demands.

‘Maura?’ Jane asks, reaching to pull Maura in. Maura stands, brushing angrily at the wet tears on her cheeks. ‘What was I supposed to do, Cailin’s her daughter.’

‘So you thought you’d bring her along to a shootout?’ Maura shouted, her voice ringing loudly.

‘I didn’t bring her to a shoot out,’ Jane shot back, ‘I was just…’

‘Trying to kill the little bit of family I have left?’ Maura shouted, ‘it was bad enough Cailin was taken but then you had to put yourself in danger? And then you thought, hey you know what sounds fun I’ll just take her mother too!’

‘That’s not fair,’ Jane whispers, her voice laced with hurt. ‘I was just trying to do what I thought was right.’

It’s the defeated sound in Jane’s voice that makes Maura stop. She looks at Jane. Really looks at her. Exhaustion is written all over the lanky woman’s form as she slouched on the stairs. The cut on her cheek is an angry red, puffy on its edges. She holds her wrist slightly away from the rest of world, as if cradling it. Her eyes are ringed in dark circles. Her mouth is tugged down, her eyebrows too. Maura takes a deep breath, steadying herself.

‘You’re right,’ Maura says coming to sit with Jane again, ‘that wasn’t fair. I know you were doing the best you could and you kept them safe. You saved my sister.’

‘But not Paddy. Not Noemi,’ Jane said miserably.

‘Paddy made his choice,’ Maura says softly. That doesn’t mean she’s okay with it. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt but Maura needed Jane to hear the truth. ‘A man like that…’ Maura’s voice broke with emotion, ‘he’d have wanted it this way. He hated being sick. He tried so hard to hide it. And Noemi wasn’t your fault. You didn’t shoot them Jane. You stopped the person who did.’

‘I was supposed to be her partner,’ Jane said flatly, her eyes staring at the wall, ‘I’m her instructor. Her mentor. But I let her get ahead. She didn’t…’ Jane choked up, ‘she didn’t see the clearing.’

‘Jane,’ Maura says softly, wanting to reach out but knowing Jane wouldn’t want it.

‘I told her she could get hurt and do you know what she told me?’ Jane asks, her voice harsh, ‘she said I wouldn’t let her. She trusted me Maura and I let her down.’

Keeping her hands to herself was excruciating. ‘Jane, look at me,’ Maura says with every ounce of authority she can muster at the moment. She waits for those brown eyes to find her. ‘I know you don’t believe me right now but you didn’t let her down. You didn’t get her shot. You didn’t fail her. She’s a federal agent who got wounded in the line of duty. It’s a risk you all take every time you work a case. Noemi is the one who got hurt this time but that isn’t your fault. You’re no more to blame than I am.’

Jane absorbed some of it, her guilt abating for the moment. Maura could see the light returning to her eyes. Jane sniffed, chuckling at herself, ‘we’re a mess huh?’

Maura laughed a teary laugh, ‘I think we’ve both had a very rough night.’

‘Ugh,’ Jane groans, ‘you can say that again.’ She runs a shaking hand through her dark hair, clearing it from her face.

‘So how about you let me take you to bed, Agent Rizzoli?’ Maura asks teasingly.

‘Are you propositioning me Doctor Isles?’ Jane asks, a suggestive eyebrow raised.

Maura chuckles, ‘is asking you to sleep with me a proposition?’ They stand together, Jane slipping her right arm over Maura’s shoulder as Maura wraps her left around Jane’s waist, in a walking kind of embrace. Maura suspected they both needed the support.

‘Yes,’ Jane says cheerily, ‘and I happily accept.’

‘Good,’ Maura says as they enter the waiting room once more, ‘because you’re my favourite pillow.’

‘Keep sweet talkin’ me Isles,’ Jane teases, her drawl interrupted by a giant yawn. Maura took in the waiting room, filled with their family. The family they had built together. Frankie and Nina had fallen asleep against each other, Nina drooling slightly on his shirt. Kiki was happily passed out on Vince’s shoulder, Vince snored with his head leaned back against the wall. Angela was talking with the nurses, undoubtedly charming them in to the best coffee and the fastest updates.

Maura guided Jane to the couch, pulling her down until her head rested in Maura’s lap. Maura stroked her lovers hair until Jane slipped in to sleep. Then she kept vigil, watching over the people who had fought so hard for her family the night before. The people who had never failed to keep vigil for her.

* * *

Aarna steels herself, taking a deep breath before pushing past the privacy curtain. Aarna isn’t sure what to expect. Noemi is there, her skin pale but clean. Her hair has been pulled thoughtfully up out of the way. Aarna knows she’ll have to thank the nurse for that. Lines and wires seemed to overwhelm Noemi’s left side, plugging in to various beeping machines.A bandage wraps around Noemi’s chest and left shoulder which is suspended in a sling that looks wildly uncomfortable. And for a moment, just a moment, Aarna thinks she can’t do this. The idea of Noemi waking up alone, stops Aarna in her place. Aarna walks around to the right side of the bed, pulling a chair closer. She wraps her hands around Noemi’s uninjured hand. She presses a kiss to her finger tips and then she waits. The doctor had assured her it would take time for the anaesthesia and pain medication to wear off. That it was all perfectly normal.

Aarna isn’t sure how long she had been in Noemi’s room counting her breaths when Noemi’s Lola showed up. The nurse showed her in and Aarna promptly stood. ‘Lola!’

‘How is she?’ Lola asks, moving in to Noemi’s space, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

‘She hasn’t woken yet. The doctor says that’s normal. That it just takes time. I know she’ll be happy to see you,’ Aarna supplies.

‘What are you doing here?’ Lola asks, her tone sounding worried. Aarna flinches, ‘its a long story.’

Lola’s eyes flash as she looks at Aarna, ‘I would like to know how my granddaughter ended up in this condition and seeing as she is not awake to do so, _you_ will tell me.’

Aarna gulped but inclined her head. Lola sits in the chair Aarna had just been occupying. Her eyes are focused on her granddaughter. Aarna nibbles her lip, considering where to start, ‘I suppose this is my fault. Agent Rizzoli was finishing my final when she found out her…’ Aarna paused considering her words carefully. She wasn’t sure whether to out Jane and Maura to someone like Lola. ‘Her soon to be sister in law had been kidnapped. Ja-Agent Rizzoli was going to go after her alone but I couldn’t let her. I asked Noemi to come with.’

Wetness floods Lola’s eyes, ‘and she did because all she ever wanted was to help people.’

‘We split up,’ Aarna says softly, ’I was supposed to go with Jane. It should be me in this bed but we needed to interview a child witness in DC. Noemi said I was better suited there, she took my spot. She went with Jane.’

Lola sighed, ‘of course she did. She’s horrible with children. Even her own cousins.’

‘I don’t know exactly what happened,’ Aarna continues, ‘but they found the kidnapped woman. They saved her and arrested the man who did it. She’s downstairs with her mother.’

With her eyes squeezed shut, Lola nodded tersely, ‘then she accomplished what she intended to. My little heroine.’ Aarna isn’t sure what more there is to say. When the older woman begins to sob softly, Aarna decides to give the pair some privacy. She begins to edge her way to the door.

A singular sound stops her in tracks. The voice she had been terrified she would never hear again spoke, ‘Aarna?’ Brown eyes are peering at Aarna from that bed full of softness and adoration.

‘Noie?’ Aarna says, forgetting entirely about anything but the woman before her. She moves back to Noemi’s side, reaching out for her uninjured hand.

‘You’re so pretty,’ Noemi says with a big goofy grin.

Aarna chuckled, ‘and you’re very high.’

‘I am?’ Noemi asks in surprise.

‘Yes, you are,’ Aarna confirms, her eyes welling with tears.

‘I am what?’ Noemi asks, her throat scratchy.

Aarna fills a water cup holding it to Noemi’s lips to drink from. ‘High,’ Aarna responds with a laugh.

‘Hello,’ Noemi says with a big grin, ‘you’re very pretty.’

Aarna can’t help the laughter and tears that pour out of her in equal measure. She lowers her head to Noemi’s hand, hiding her face as she tried to control her emotions. A throat clearing behind Aarna reminded her that they were not alone. Aarna gulped. This was going to be complicated.

‘Lola?’ Noemi says with surprise.

‘You gave me quite the scare young lady,’ Lola says sternly, her face full of fondness.

Noemi pouts. ‘I’m sorry. I feel funny. Why can’t I move my arm.’ She looks then to her left arm, blinking twice. ‘Woah,’ is all she says.

‘You don’t remember?’ Aarna asks, feeling slightly alarmed.

Noemi looks at her again, she smiles brightly, ‘I remember thinking you’re gorgeous.’

Aarna groans, daring to look at Lola. The woman wore a slight smile and she raised an eyebrow when their eyes met. ‘I’ll go inform the doctor,’ the woman says, her voice full of amusement. She stepped quickly out of the room and Aarna let out a sigh of relief.

‘Noie,’ Aarna says softly, ‘you gotta sober up. You’re gonna out yourself to your Lola.’ Aarna can’t resist touching Noie’s face with tenderness.

‘Kiss me?’ Noemi asks, her face some cross between puckering and pouting.

‘I can’t, love,’ Aarna whispers sadly, ‘Lola will be back any minute.’

‘So kiss me fast,’ Noie urges. Aarna sighs, not fully able to resist. She darts forward pressing a kiss to Noemi’s lips and pulling away just as quickly. Noemi pouts, ‘that was too fast. Aarna,’ Noemi whines, ‘I didn’t even feel it.’ Then she makes a bunch of kissy sounds.

Aarna lets out a puff of air in a partial chuckle, ‘who knew you were so adorable when high?’

‘You always think I’m adorable,’ Noemi responds cheekily, ‘because you love me.’

The L word. Aarna sucks in a breath. There it was. The naked, honest truth. Aarna hadn’t expected their first time to be like this. She hadn’t expected it to be spoken aloud when one of them was tripping but she’d come too close to losing it all last night. Aarna couldn’t, wouldn’t, refused to deny it. Refused to not say it. ‘Yes I do love you.’

Noemi beamed, ‘I knew it. You love me. Looove me.’ She drew the word out obnoxiously long, making Aarna raise her eyebrows in surprise and amusement. Then she began to sing, ‘Aarna and Noemi sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-s-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love. L-o-v-e.’ Aarna felt her laughter bubble up, pouring out of her. Noemi stopped to watch her. When Aarna had finally managed to regain control Noemi smiled at her. ‘You’re so fucking beautiful,’ Noemi says with awe, ‘I love you so much.’ Noie’s eyes grow misty. Aarna takes Noemi’s hand, pressing a kiss to her fingers.

‘I know, love,’ Aarna whispers. ‘I know you do. But your Lola doesn’t and we want to keep it that way. Can you help me keep this a secret?’

Noemi nods eagerly, ‘secrets are fun. I like secrets. I’m a federal secret invest-invest- agent. Whats the secret?’

Aarna is saved from answering by a knock on the door and Lola and the doctor entering. In the interest of self preservation and keeping her lover’s secret, Aarna slips from the room under the guise of telling the others. A firm hand grabs Aarna’s wrist just as she slips out of the door. Lola gives her a small smile, ‘thank you Aarna.’

‘Always,’ Aarna promises, meaning more than just for being there. She smiled and patted the older woman’s hand warmly.

‘Will you be back?’ Lola asks.

‘If you want me to?’ Aarna asks.

‘I think we both know my granddaughter would prefer it,’ Lola responds, glancing over her shoulder at Noemi focusing on following the doctors flashlight. Aarna is caught off guard, wondering what exactly Lola meant.

‘Then I’ll be here. Can I bring you anything?’

‘Coffee?’ Lola supplies, ‘it was a very long morning.

‘You betcha,’ Aarna says with a smile, ‘back in a flash.’ Then Lola was gone and Aarna was left to ponder this development on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maura is not done processing. She just needed to care for Jane first. More processing to come. 
> 
> Noemi is an adorable lightweight


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Non-graphic kidnapping processing 
> 
> Happy reading! Thank you giant storm for keeping me awake.

Jane wakes to Aarna’s face, the woman is crouching in front of her.

‘Agent Rizzoli,’ Aarna whispers softly. Maura’s hand shakes her shoulder gently. When their eyes meet, Aarna speaks softly to not wake the others, ‘I just thought you would want to know Noemi is awake. She is very heavily medicated but her grandmother and the doctor are with her.’

Jane pushed herself in to a seated position. She rubbed her eyes, running a trembling and aching left hand through her hair. ‘That’s good Dhar.’

‘I also wanted to apologise,’ Aarna says looking at her feet, ‘I should not have hit you.’

Jane chuckled, ‘it was a good hit and if our roles were reversed I don’t know that I wouldn’t have done the same.’ Jane looks at Maura sending a wry smile at her lover. Jane was keenly aware of how fierce she could be when Maura’s safety was on the line.

Aarna shook her head, ‘fear made me act rashly and unkindly to someone I consider a friend. It was unbecoming. I apologise.’

Jane blinked, patted Aarna’s shoulder awkwardly, not unlike Korsack, and said gruffly, ‘it’s okay. No harm, no foul kid.’

Aarna nodded, accepting Jane’s words for the moment, ‘will you tell the others? I have to find coffee for a Nagi.’

Maura’s face lit up and Jane knew she was about to google mouth whatever Aarna had just said but Jane beat her to it, ‘yeah we’ll wake the troops and send them home.’ Maura pouted slightly at having been cutoff. Aarna nodded and hurried away. Jane let out a shaky breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding. She looked over at Maura who was still pouting. Jane grinned, ‘you’re dying to tell me aren’t you?’ Maura nodded but kept her mouth closed. ‘Alright, Maura, whats a Nagi?’

Maura beamed at her, ‘its the female form of a Naga, a semi-divine mythical creature from folk tales all across South East Asia. It is commonly told as a snake creature though it can be depicted as fully snake, fully human or some combination thereof. They are often revered, thought to be powerful guardians both splendid and wonderful but also very dangerous to cross. What I don’t understand is why there would be a Nagi with Noemi.’ Maura frowned as if she was considering whether there might actually be a snake around.

Jane looked at her watch and then back at Maura, ‘I’m guessing Noemi’s grandmother arrived.’

‘Oh,’ Maura said a frown on her face, ‘is she very frightening?’

‘I’m guessing,’ Jane says with a smile, ‘she’s a tad more imposing to our still closeted friends than she would be to us. Although,’ Jane said considering, ‘Noemi definitely came by her curtness honestly.’ As Angela approached, Jane raised her voice and took on a teasing tone, ‘besides matriarchs are always terrifying.’

Angela swatted at her, ‘oh you.’ It made Jane and Maura giggle.

‘See?’ Jane asks raising an eyebrow, ‘she’s a total noogie!’

Maura laughed, ‘absolutely a Nagi.’

‘What’s a nagi?’ Angela asks looking between the two laughing women. The question just made the pair laugh harder. Angela shook her head, ‘I think you two have gotten a bit delirious.’ 

They’re laughing seemed to rouse the room. Jane waved a hand at the concerned faces staring groggily at her. Jane gulped some air, willing herself to be calm. ‘Noemi is awake and doing well. You all can go home now.’

A chorus of soft cheers filled the room and as quietly as the group had assembled, it disbanded until it was only Jane, Maura and Angela left.

‘I’d like for you to go home too,’ Maura says softly, ‘perhaps Angela could drive you?’ She takes Jane’s hand in her own, rubbing softly with her thumb. ‘Take a nap on a real bed, see the girls, take a shower.’

Jane frowns, ‘what about you?’

‘I’ll stay until Aarna is ready to go or until you come back. I’d like to visit with Hope and Cailin anyways,’ Maura says with a reassuring smile.

‘You sure?’ Jane asks. Maura nods. ‘Okay,’ Jane says standing and pressing a kiss to Maura’s forehead, ‘let me know if you need anything.’

‘I will,’ Maura says smiling back up at Jane, a hint of sadness on her voice, ‘get some rest, love.’

Jane smiles back before following her Ma out to her car. Jane’s asleep in the passenger seat before they’ve left the garage.

* * *

Maura waits until Aarna returns carrying a pair of coffee cups that did not appear to come from the cafeteria. She lets the woman know that she’d be downstairs with her family if Aarna needed anything before grabbing her things and heading down. An idea in the elevator prompts her to hit the ground floor rather than the second. A quick search on her phone and Maura finds Aarna’s coffee spot. She orders three cinnamon rolls and three large coffees and doubles back to the hospital. Maura manages to let herself in to Cailin’s room after a quick knock.

‘Maura!’ Cailin says leaping from bed and rushing over to hug her. Maura manages to avoid squashing their breakfast with an awkward move, while still trying to squeeze her little sister tightly. Hope swoops in to save her, taking the coffee and pastries so Maura could return Cailin’s hug more thoroughly.

‘I’m so glad you’re safe,’ Maura whispers, clinging to her sister.

To Maura’s surprise Cailin begins sobbing softly, ‘I was so scared.’

Maura ran her fingers through Cailin’s hair, struggling with her own tears, ‘me too.’ Maura pressed a kiss to Cailin’s head, ‘but you’re safe now.’ Hope had busied herself setting up their breakfast, wiped the tears off her own face. Maura met her eyes and smiled warmly at her. ‘I brought cinnamon rolls,’ Maura said softly.

Cailin chuckled, pulling away, ‘you know cinnamon rolls aren’t _my_ favourite right?’

‘They aren’t?’ Maura asks with a frown, ‘I didn’t realise… I can pick up something else.’ Maura feels deflated.

Cailin smiles, ‘it’s okay. Even if they aren’t my favourite, they’ll always remind me of home.’

‘Well,’ Hope says almost apologetically, ‘they are my favourite and thank you for the coffee.’ She held up a coffee cup in cheers before drinking with a satisfying hum.

Cailin climbed in to bed, Hope settled in to the only chair and Maura is frozen for a moment, uncertain of where she belongs but Cailin pats the end of the bed with a look that Jane had called ‘puppy dog eyes’ which was anatomically impossible but did produce an endearing affect that Maura was loathe to refuse. Maura kicked off her heels and climbed on to the bed, folding her knees neatly beneath her and accepting her breakfast from Hope.

They eat in a comfortable silence. Maura isn’t sure how much to press so she doesn’t. Letting them come to their own terms with how much to share. ‘Did Jane tell you what happened?’ Cailin asks at last.

‘Some,’ Maura acknowledges. ‘She said Paddy was there.’ Maura looks at Hope whose eyes have grown wet. Her mother simply picks another piece of roll off, slipping it in to her mouth and chewing robotically. ‘She said Russo shot him but…’ Maura trails off recalling how angry she had gotten at Jane then. Maura blushes, ’she was prevented from sharing more.’

‘Paddy had someone watching me the whole time, I guess,’ Cailin says softly. ‘He came first. I don’t even know his name but he tried to save me. Russo shot him. I tried to save him but-‘ Cailin pauses taking a few gasping breaths, ‘but I couldn’t. Then Paddy showed up. They talked for a while.’ A shadow of fear seems to pass over Cailin’s face. Maura puts her hand on her sisters knee offering comfort. ‘Russo wanted you Maur. He wanted to hurt you. Paddy said with him out of the way, he could have you. He told Russo to send me out to tie him up and let me go.’

‘And Russo did?’ Maura asks surprised, ‘I suppose Paddy did offer him the one thing he wanted most.’

‘I don’t know. I didn’t think it would work. I thought-‘ Cailin gulps hard and Maura recognises it now. Jane had the same shadow when she explained why she’d shot herself to save Frankie, like death passed over. ‘Russo sent me out. I…’ Cailin’s voice grows timid, soft, ’I tied Paddy up. He told me to run. Shoved me. And I did. I shouldn’t have.’

Maura squeezes Cailin’s knee, ‘you absolutely should have. Paddy knew what he was doing Cailin. Your safety was what mattered.’

‘But Russo shot him. Killed him,’ Cailin sobs softly. ‘He killed your Dad. Ma’s Paddy.’

‘Paddy was already dying.’ Maura says tersely, ‘he was ill and pretending desperately otherwise. I didn’t know him well but he probably would have preferred it this way.’

Hope cleared her throat, wiping at a tear with the back of her hand, ‘your sisters right Cailin. Paddy was a fighter. I think he’d take a bullet to cancer every time.’

Cailin nods, her eyes still shimmering, ‘I ran and then Mom and Jane were there. Mom says the agent who got shot shouted FBI but all I knew was Russo was running. Jane took off after him along with the other agents. Mom and I tried to help Paddy. Then Vince needed help because the agent, Noemi, was hurt. I helped him move her to the cabin and mom worked on her. I held Paddy’s hand. I knew mom couldn’t and I didn’t want him to be alone.’

Maura gulped, grateful to know Paddy had not been alone in the end, ‘that was very kind of you.’

‘Jane, Nina and Frankie came back with Russo in the squad car,’ Cailin sighs heavily, ‘I wish she’d killed him. I wish she’d shot that bastard.’

Maura squeezes softly, ‘I do as well but that wouldn’t be justice and it certainly wouldn’t be Jane.’

‘Seems pretty just to me,’ Hope mutters darkly forcing both of her children to look at her in surprise. Hope blushed and looked away. Maura and Cailin looked back at each other, a giggle erupting between them at their mother’s expense. Maura realises that might just be a first for them.

‘Will Noemi be okay?’ Cailin asks, a look of guilt crossing her face, ‘I don’t think I could stand knowing someone else died trying to help me.’

‘None of this is your fault, Cailin,’ Maura says firmly, ‘but yes she will. She’s awake upstairs and with her family. Jane and the others went home to catch up on some sleep but Jane will be back later.’

‘Good,’ Cailin says with a smile, ‘I wanted to thank her again.’ Maura smiled back and patted Cailin’s leg.

‘How was your final?’ Maura asks, remembering that Cailin had just finished those when Russo took her.

‘Good,’ Cailin says with a smile, ‘really good.’ She doesn’t elaborate but her cheeks seem to glow a rosy red. ‘I’m just glad he didn’t grab me in the middle of finals,’ Cailin says with a shudder.

Maura shuddered too, ‘that would be so disruptive.’ Hope let out a choked sound, hiding what appeared to be a smile behind her hand.

‘What?!’ Maura and Cailin ask simultaneously.

Hope shakes her head, giggling slightly, ‘you’re just both so alike.’

‘Well,’ Cailin says with a grin at Maura, ‘we do share a mother.’

Hope’s eyes go wide, paling slightly. ‘You, um,’ Hope coughs slightly, ‘you share a father as well.’

‘What?’ Cailin shouts. Maura merely turns her head in surprise at her mother. Maura had expected as much, of course. What surprised Maura was that Hope was sharing it at all.

‘You knew?’ Hope asks a look of confusion and fear on her face. ‘The kidney match?’

Maura shrugged, ‘statistically speaking it was the only logical outcome. Not that it matters. She, you, Cailin, would be my sister no matter whose genetics we did or did not share.’

‘That’s sweet,’ Cailin says with a smile to Maura, then she rounded on Hope yelling, ‘but what the hell mom?!’

Hope sighed, ‘Paddy was never part of my plan. He came and went as he pleased. When we conceived Maura, he told me what his father would do if he ever found out about her. So we decided to hide her. Paddy decided to take that a step further. Try as I might, I could never quite let him go. He was the father of my first born, my first love. When he came to me for help, I couldn’t deny him. I never could. When we conceived you Cailin, I knew what was at risk. I suppose in some ways I did the same thing with you that he did for Maura. I hid you away from him to protect you from the life he lived. I met and married a man I did not love, I kept your birth father a secret. When you were born, your father adopted you. Agreed to raise you.’

‘Yeah,’ Cailin says with a snort, ‘until you two divorced and he left without a word.’

Hope flinched, ‘he loved you Cailin, he just had his own issues.’

‘Sure mom,’ Cailin said bitterly, 'that's why I haven't heard from him in years, even when I was dying.' 

Maura stood, slipping her heels back on, ‘I should let you two talk.’

Maura pressed in to Cailin’s space and pressed a kiss to her forehead, ‘call me later if you want to talk. I love you.’

‘Love you too,’ Cailin says grumpily, ‘even if you didn’t tell me.’

Maura was surprised by the words, though she wasn’t hurt by it, ‘I assumed you’d figure it out after a few more pre-med classes, it was only logical.’ Cailin shook her head but Maura saw the barest hint of a smile.

Hope followed Maura out, ‘I’m sorry for springing this on you.’

Maura took in her mother’s nervous stance, the way she wrung her hands and chewed her lower lip. ‘As I said, I already knew and it made no difference to me. She is and always will be my family.’ Maura stepped in to hug her mother. ‘I love you mother. I am sorry for what happened.’

Hope squeezed her back, ‘none of this is your fault baby girl.’

Maura felt her eyes grow wet, ‘I am not certain I believe that but I appreciate you saying so.’

‘I love you Maura,’ Hope says as she pulls back. Upon seeing tears in Maura’s eyes she pressed back in, pressing a kiss to Maura’s forehead, ‘and I’ll keep saying this isn’t your fault until you believe me.’

‘Thank you,’ Maura whispers, ‘I love you too. Good luck in there.’

Hope rolls her eyes, ‘phew. Thank you, I’m going to need it.’

‘You can call me too,’ Maura offers tentatively, ‘if you need me.’


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religion and Homosexuality interactions, coming out, Medicinal highs 
> 
> This chapter was particularly difficult to write well. I wanted to ensure I did not take an 'easy' option for Lola and Noemi's story. I wanted to make it feel authentic and realistic for a woman of devout faith and self-less love for her granddaughter. Even more importantly, I wanted Noemi's story to feel authentic. Coming out can be terrifying and risky and overwhelming. Sometimes the people we love can't accept us the way we hope they will. Mostly though, we're all just works in progress, with our own wounds and our own stories to tell. Regardless of how similar or disimilar your story may be from Lola and Noemi's, may love be a balm upon your heart. A beacon in the night.
> 
> A special thanks to my friend Jenna for reading and rereading this chapter as it developed. You're lovely and wonderful. :) Your encouragement was clutch. A shout out to my SO for letting me pull from their Catholicism knowledge.

Jane strolls through the hospital lobby, humming. She had showered, napped, walked the dogs and had lunch with Maura. Jane was feeling human again. Which is probably why out of the corner of her eye she spots a familiar form in the hospitals chapel. Jane frowns, pausing at the door. Noemi’s grandmother knelt at the alter, her hands flicking over a well worn set of rosary beads, her lips murmuring what Jane assumed was a Hail Mary. Jane entered, keeping her footfalls soft. Jane stopped at the second pew, stepping in to the left. Jane did the sign of the cross and settled in to wait. The smell of musk and wax filled Jane’s nose, it was the smell of church to Jane. Maybe even the smell of God, though privately, Jane hoped God chose a more pleasant scent like chocolate chip cookies or lemon trees.

The woman stood slowly, struggling to rise. Jane almost stands to help her but her respect for the sanctity of the woman’s privacy stopped her. The woman wiped at her tears, tucking her rosary in to her pocket. Jane watch her back elongating, her shoulders straightening, her head held high. A proud catholic woman. Jane had to resist smiling, she knew more than a few of those.

Lola turned, her eyes finding Jane almost immediately, ‘Agent Rizzoli.’

Jane smiled, disarmingly, ‘hello Lola. I just wanted to see if you were doing alright.’

Lola joined her at the pew but did not answer. Jane could see struggle written all over her face. ‘The church has been my place of refuge for almost as long as I have been alive. It has given me strength in my moments of weakness. It has given me hope in moments of despair.’

‘I can understand that,’ Jane says looking at the alter.

‘I love the church, Agent Rizzoli,’ Lola says sadly. ‘I have strived to instil that same love in Noemi. To give her a refuge, a place of home, a guide in a turbulent world.’

‘I would imagine many parents feel similarly,’ Jane offers uncertain as to the direction of this conversation. ‘Most of us need a little hope and a little faith at some point.’

‘I love my apo, Agent Rizzoli,’ Lola continues, ‘she is all I have left of my only daughter. She is my heart. My brave justice seeker. I’ve always been proud of her. _Always_.’

Jane frowns, not entirely comfortable with the direction this conversation was headed. ‘Is there some reason you would no longer be proud, Lola.’

Lola shakes her head, ‘my heart tells me one thing and my faith another. Tell me Agent Rizzoli, do you consider yourself a person of faith?’

Jane leans forward, her eyes tracing the alter, her mind recalling the hours she had spent in chapels similar to this one. ‘I suppose, I would,’ Jane says at last, ‘I may not be the kind of catholic my Ma wants but I believe in God, in justice, in loving one another.’

‘And yet you are with another woman?’ Lola asks. Her tone is carefully guarded, conveying neither judgement nor acceptance.

‘I am,’ Jane acknowledges, flexing her hands, her body preparing for a fight. She isn’t entirely surprised Lola picked up on her relationship with Maura earlier. After all, Jane’s head had been in Maura’s lap when they met. Jane lets out a controlled breath. This might be the first step in Lola’s understanding Noemi’s identity. Jane owed it Noemi to help Lola understand, if she could.

‘How do you rationalise it? How do you step in to the church knowing you will never be accepted? That you will be ostracised? Reviled and rebuked?’ Lola asks, her voice straining with emotion, ‘does it not bother you?’

Jane considers her next words carefully, ‘for you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.’

‘Psalm 139,’ Lola replies softly.

‘I am who I am,’ Jane says softly, ‘I have made and will make many mistakes. I am imperfect and flawed. I will have reasons for confession for as long as I am alive but loving Maura? Loving Maura will never be one of those things.’ Jane put a hand on her chest, just over her beating heart,‘this heart? This heart was made to love Maura.’ Jane held her hands out in front of Lola, letting her see them even with their scars, ‘these hands? They were made to hold hers. The Lord made me to love Maura.’ Jane put her hands back in her lap. ‘1 John says: Anyone who loves their brother or sister lives in the light, and there is nothing to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness. I walk in the light Lola. I love more because of Maura. There’s nothing more true than that, nothing more holy.’

The pair sat in silence for what felt like a long moment, when Lola spoke it was with a gruffness to her voice. ‘You speak prettily.’

Jane laughs, ‘Maura brings out the poet in me.’

‘Does she bring out the best in you?’ Lola asks, tilting her head sideways, a curious look on her face.

Jane smiles, thinking of all the ways Maura brought out the best in her, ‘definitely. The thing is, Lola, you wanted to give Noemi a home, a refuge, a guide through troubled times. What better refuge, what better guide, what better light is there than love?’

‘So you’re saying I should ignore my faith and listen to my heart?’ Lola asks her gaze piercing Jane.

Jane bites her lower lip, ‘I’m saying you have a wonderful granddaughter who was shot last night. She could have died. Peace with your faith may or may not come but your granddaughter is up there right now wanting your love and acceptance. Questions of faith are eternal. Your granddaughter’s life here is not.’

Lola nodded, tentatively reaching over and patting Jane’s hand. ‘True enough. Thank you for speaking with me. I know it can’t have been easy.’

Jane gives her an easy smile, ‘Noemi’s worth it. Can I walk you up?’

‘Actually,’ Lola says softly, ‘would you be so kind as to drive me to pick up lunch? I was going to take a cab.’

‘Certainly. Hospital food is the worst,’ Jane says with a grin.

* * *

Noemi wakes slowly, a dull pain radiating through her left side. A groan of pain falls from her lips. Her mouth is dry, her head aching.

‘Noie?’ Aarna asks from somewhere above her, ‘are you in pain?’

Noemi tries to speak, willing her dry mouth to produce some kind of saliva. She tries again. Then a cup is pressed to her lips and Noemi gulps gratefully.

Soft fingers caress her cheek, tender and familiar. Noemi opens her eyes to see Aarna looking at her adoringly, ‘have the meds worn off?’

Noemi nods, ‘I think so. Unless I’m supposed to feel like I’ve been shot.’

Aarna frowns, ‘you do know you were shot, right?’

Noemi rolls her eyes, ‘I’m very much aware.’

‘I meant,’ Aarna starts but stops, sighing, ‘you were too high to answer our questions so none of us knew how much you remember or if you had hit your head.’

‘Oh,’ Noemi says somewhat guiltily, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…’

Aarna cuts her off with a shake of her head and a shaky smile, ‘it’s okay. I’m just glad you’re okay. I know the others will have to take your statement and ask your questions but I’m here if you want to talk about it.’

‘Thanks Mahál,’ Noemi said softly. ‘There’s not much to tell. We were running through the woods. Agent Rizzoli tripped, we were going to lose him, so I ran ahead. I didn’t see the opening until it was too late. I think I passed out.’ Aarna nodded, sitting back down in a chair pulled up beside the bed. She intertwined their fingers carefully. ‘I think Doctor Martin was there… and then a helicopter… and then not much else.’

‘Do you remember me or your Lola arriving?’ Aarna asks softly, her face guarded.

‘My Lola is here?’ Noemi asks, reflexively releasing Aarna’s hand. A flash of hurt crossed Aarna’s face but she retracted her hand without a word.

‘She is, she went to get lunch and stretch her legs,’ Aarna whispered.

Noemi frowned, ‘what’s wrong? I’m sorry if I… I mean… you know I’m not… we can’t be… out.’

‘I know,’ Aarna says softly, ‘it’s okay Noie.’

Noemi watches a tear fall, Aarna wiping it away quickly, turning her head. ‘So what’s wrong?’ Noemi asks again.

‘You need to speak with your Lola,’ Aarna says her voice measured and controlled, ‘you were very affectionate when high. I did my best to hide our relationship but you were very insistent.’

Fear made Noemi’s heart beat faster, a fact made more obvious by the machine ticking beside her, ‘you mean my Lola _knows?_ ’

Aarna stood, turning to look out the window, wrapping her arms around herself, ‘I don’t know how much she knows Noie but if she doesn’t suspect it’s because she doesn’t want to see it.’

Noemi tries to think of a response to that. She tries to muster her courage but instead one awful thought kept repeating in her head. If her Lola knew, Noemi would lose her. Noemi wasn’t ready to face that eventuality so instead she said, ‘could you go find a doctor? I think I’d like some more meds.’ Aarna nods without looking at her, leaving Noemi alone with her fears. The nurse appeared a few minutes later, Aarna did not. Noemi wasn’t certain if she missed the woman or was grateful for the space.

Lola and Jane stepped in, bearing bags of lunch, just as the nurse was preparing to administer the medication.

‘Noemi Reyes Baccay why is Aarna crying in the waiting room?’ Lola’s tone was firm, her face pulled in to a disappointed frown. ‘That girl has been in here taking care of _you,_ giving you water and holding your hand for _hours._ What did you do?’ Noemi flinched, looking expectantly at the nurse, hoping for a save. The nurse kept her gaze cast down, refusing to meet her eyes. ‘You will answer me this instant, young lady,’ Lola said in her most authoritative voice. It was the voice that had stopped child Noemi in her tracks and made her jump to do her chores. It promised a world of trouble to come. Lola set the bags of food on the counter. Noemi knew she had stayed silent a moment too long when Lola crossed her arms and began tapping her foot.

Noemi opens her mouth but her brain supplies no answer. Instead, tears pour from the edges of her eyes. ‘I don’t know,’ Noemi whispers at last. It isn’t a complete lie. She didn’t know why Aarna was upset about what was an established fact. They both had agreed to not be out.

Lola clicked her tongue, ‘I taught you better than this Apo. You do _not_ treat someone you… you… l-love like _this.’_ Lola gestured at all of Noemi and then down the hallway towards what Noemi assumed was the waiting room.

Noemi’s mouth dropped, ‘and you’re okay with that? With my lo-loving her?’ Jane shifted from foot to foot, looking nervously between the two women. For a moment, Noemi wonders if the Agent will intervene. It surprises Noemi to realise she doesn’t want her to. Whether Noemi was ready or not, she was about to get her answer.

Silence stretches between them, the only sound the quiet movements of the nurse as she prepared Noemi’s next medications. The air in the room is tense and heavy, ‘I am…’ Lola begins, ‘trying.’

Noemi isn’t expecting it. Her heart thumps so painfully she fears it might just burst. ‘Lola,’ Noemi whispers.

‘Hush, you,’ Lola says rebukingly, ‘I love you Apo. If that woman makes you happy, if she takes care of you, if you love her and she loves you what more is there?’ Jane smiles at Noemi, a proud look on her face.

‘She makes me so happy Lola,’ Noemi’s voice is so soft, it barely seems audible.

‘I saw,’ Lola says, rolling her eyes affectionately, ‘I’ve never seen you so… gooey… before.’ Her Lola said the word gooey with displeasure. Jane snorted, hiding a smile behind her hand. Noemi tried to glare at her but the tears in her eyes made her blink too often to make the glare have any power.

‘I want to marry her one day Lola,’ Noemi says, feeling braver.

She thinks she sees Lola’s eyes narrow slightly before she nodded, tersely, ‘so long as she continues taking care of you like this and you are both happy then why would I care who you’re with?’ Then Lola shook a finger at her, ‘but if you want to keep her you had better apologise for everything under the sun when I send her back in.’

Noemi nodded, looking away. ‘I will,’ Noemi whispers to her grandmother’s retreating back.

Jane leaned against the doorway, ‘surprised?’ A hint of mischief played on her face.

Noemi swiped at her tears. The nurse, graciously, handed her a box of tissues before moving to leave. She stopped by Jane and murmured, ‘you have about fifteen minutes before she gets loopy. You’d best make that apology happen soon,’ the nurse winked at Noemi as she left.

‘What on Earth did you say to my grandmother?’ Noemi asks, staring at Jane in wide eyed awe.

Jane shrugs her shoulder, ‘we talked about faith. And about love.’

‘That’s it?’ Noemi asks amazed at her mentor, no heroes, ability.

‘Mostly. She’s a proud woman. A good catholic. Mostly though, she’s your Lola.’ Jane frowns slightly, ‘I reminded her that you are temporary. You can be lost. She loves you. She wants to see you happy. Aarna makes you happy.’

Noemi nods, ‘but she isn’t completely comfortable with the idea?’

Jane shakes her head, ‘I think that’s a time thing. She wants to be. It helps that she really likes Aarna but it’s going to take time. But I don’t think she’ll make you try and choose.’

‘Wow,’ Noemi says reverently, ‘I owe you one Agent Rizzoli.’

‘Yeah, well,’ Jane shoves her hand through her hair, ‘considering you took a bullet saving my future sister in law I think we can call it even.’

Noemi chuckled, ‘nah we aren’t even close to even.’

Jane pouted, ‘alright what more do I have to do?’

‘I meant, I owe you,’ Noemi said with big smile, ‘I get Aarna out of all of this.’

Jane grinned back at her, ‘that you did kid. That you did. Just do me a favour and no more getting shot, okay?’ A voice clearing behind Jane brought both of their attention to Aarna. Jane waved at Noemi, turning to leave. ‘Nurse says she’s only got a few before the good stuff kicks in. Take a video this time, would ya?’ Jane winked as Noemi yelped at her. Aarna nods, thanking Jane softly. Noemi looks at her, her clothes are rumpled. Her eyes are ringed in dark circles, her cheeks streaked with tear tracks that she must be unaware of. Her skin was blotchy on her cheeks, her nose a bit runny. Aarna was the picture of misery and it stole Noemi’s breath away.

‘Hey,’ Noemi says sadly, ‘will you come sit?’

Aarna takes a deep breath before nodding and finding her way back to the chair. Noemi tried not to be hurt when she moved the chair further away. ‘Your Lola said you wanted to talk?’

‘I do,’ Noemi said softly, ‘its clear that I hurt you. I’m afraid that I am not sure how. What happened?’

‘It’s stupid,’ Aarna whispers, ‘just me being sentimental.’

‘Was it because I wouldn’t hold your hand in front of my Lola?’ Noemi asks.

‘That hurt,’ Aarna admits, averting her eyes, ‘especially since you’d been insisting on doing so all morning. You wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom without promising I’d come right back.’ Noemi raises an eyebrow, surprised at her behaviour. ‘You’re very affectionate when high,’ Aarna says with a chuckle, ‘but that wasn’t it entirely.’

‘Okay, so…?’ Noemi asks. Silence stretches out between them and Noemi wonders if Aarna will leave her dangling out on her own.

‘We said I love you for the first time this morning,’ Aarna whispers so softly, Noemi barely hears her. ‘We said I love you and you don’t remember it. It’s stupid and sentimental but it hurts.’

Noemi’s heart melts. ‘Aarna,’ Noemi says reaching for her lover, ‘I do love you. I love you so much its terrifying. So much I, apparently, become gooey.’ Aarna chuckles, wiping away her tears asshe took Noemi’s hand. ‘And I know you love me. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. I feel it every time we kiss. And it makes sense that you would remember our first I love you but I wouldn’t. You always figure this stuff out first but it doesn’t mean I’m not right there with you. Okay?’ Aarna nods, Noemi pulls her hand up to her lips, ‘I love you Aarna.’

‘I love you too Noemi,’ Aarna whispers back, leaning in to caress Noemi’s cheeks. Then their lips are connecting and the world slots in to place once more. Aarna pulls back ever so slightly whispering softly, ‘you had better remember this one.’ Noemi chuckled and pressed forward in to the kiss once more.

When they parted, Noemi replied, ‘we can always have three first I love yous. I plan on saying it to you quite often.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Aarna asks, raising an eyebrow playfully.

‘Mmmhmmm,’ says closing her eyes, ‘and for a very long time too. Like forever.’

She doesn’t see Aarna’s smile but she hears it, ‘I could cope with forever.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Noemi parrots back to Aarna. Noemi opens her eyes to look at Aarna, ’because my Lola knows now. When I say forever, I mean for real. Forever. You and me. Out and happy.’

Aarna’s eyes go wide, tears shimmering softly in them, ‘you came out to her?’

‘More like… she called me out. Scolded me for upsetting you,’ Noemi says with a grin, ‘I think she likes you more than me.’

‘And she’s okay with it?’ Aarna asks, squeezing Noemi’s hand softly.

‘She’s trying,’ Noemi says with a shrug, ‘which is enough for now.’

‘I’m happy for you Noie,’ Aarna says with a squeeze of Noemi’s hand. Then Aarna chuckled softly, ‘of course she likes me more. I know how to tell a story without making it sound like a report.’

Grinning, Noemi asks, ‘Will you keep holding my hand, please?’

‘Always and forever. Are you feeling high already?’ Aarna asks, intertwining their fingers.

‘Nope,’ Noemi says, though she does feel the pain in her shoulder dissipating slightly, ‘I just really like holding your hand.’

Noemi feels lips press softly on her knuckles and hears a soft, ‘I love you’ whispered against her skin. Neither one of them hears Lola’s soft retreating footsteps. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An apology for this chapter taking so long. In addition to it being a hard chapter, our house flooded this week and Juneau as a whole has been struggling with flooding and mudslides. We're draining and drying with little to no significant damage but it made for quite the week. I am hoping the worst of the flooding is over but we are supposed to have on-going rain for the next several days. I'll let you know if I need you all to send a raft!
> 
> I also wanted to say thank you. Your continued reading, commenting and liking of this story is such a delight to me! I so appereciate this little community! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 
> 
> All my love!


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Death, talking to the dead, grief, the toilet paper fight, job loss... vague implications to sex. 
> 
> Another thanks to Jenna for helping me figure out Jane's pull between her stubborn nature and her love for her family. I was definitely tripping up on it. 
> 
> Also to be clear: I have NO allegiances to toilet paper being put on either way. We have a toddler and all of our toilet paper is put up on a shelf out of reach. Don't yell at me.

Maura enjoys lunch with Jane, Cailin and Hope when her love returns freshly showered and looking decently rested. It might be the best lunch she’s ever had. It was clear Cailin was still upset with Hope. It was also clear that Jane was uncomfortable with the praise being heaped on her by the duo. But it was her people and it was mostly perfect. After, Jane sends Maura home for a rest and with the promise of returning with dinner. Maura has every intention of going home. Of napping and playing with the dogs. That is until she’s parking her car in the BPD guest parking lot.

A call to Kent is all it takes. He greets her in the lobby, signing her in as a guest and escorts her to autopsy. It’s strange to walk these halls again. Stranger still to feel a sense of dread about it. Work had always been a refuge. The one place she could depend on logic to reign. These rooms and hallways usually brought Maura a sense of calm. Maura follows Kent in to the viewing room, though it isn’t strictly procedure. The man says nothing, merely drawing back the sheet to reveal Paddy’s corpse.

‘Have you finished your exam?’ Maura asks, her voice trembling.

‘Yes,’ Kent says, ‘the man, I mean, Paddy… I mean, your father died of complications from a-‘

Maura cuts him off with a hand, ‘I meant, can I approach. Will I disrupt the evidence?’

‘Oh,’ Kent says sheepishly, ‘we have what we need. You can do whatever you need to.’

Kent steps back, giving her space. Maura moves forward. The man’s eyes were open, not yet having been stitched closed. His skin was pale, his cheeks more sunken than when she had seen him in California. She was looking at a man with perhaps weeks left were it not for the gun shot. Maura cleared her throat, ‘I don’t believe in talking to the dead. Their bodies provide clues that we can use to talk for them but I’ve never felt the need to…’ Maura trails off. She isn’t sure who she’s talking to. Kent or Paddy. Judging from the wide eyed look on Kent’s face he isn’t either.

Maura leans forward speaking more directly to the man who had fathered her, ‘I don’t believe in an afterlife, in spirits or souls. I believe your consciousness is gone, never to be again. Your body will decay in time, your atoms rejoining the cosmos. Nothing is ever created or destroyed, simply remade. But you believed. You believed in an afterlife, in a heaven and hell, in God.’ Maura hesitates, feeling foolish. ‘So it is my respect for your belief that has me standing here talking to a corpse like a superstitious fool rather than as a woman of science. You….’ Maura takes a breath, feeling emotional. ‘You did well Paddy. You saved Cailin. You bought Jane the time she needed. For that, I will always be grateful.’ Maura cleared the lump in her throat, wiping her tears aside, ‘I can’t pretend to understand you or the choices you’ve made but I don’t regret who I am and I wouldn’t, couldn’t be that without you.’

Maura takes a big inhale, looking around at the room she was in, ‘Do you recognise this room? This is where it all started for us. Well for me, anyways. This is where we met, where you came to see Colin, where you told me you were my father. I suppose it’s fitting that this is where we say goodbye as well.’

Maura pressed a kiss to her fingertips then pressed those fingers to his cheek. ‘Goodbye Paddy Doyle.’ Then in a softer voice, ‘goodbye father.’ Maura turned and exited quickly, leaving a very surprised Kent in her wake.

She nearly collides with Agent Dean in her hurry. Strong arms come up to catch her. ‘Doctor Isles? Are you alright?’

‘I’m fine, thank you,’ Maura says stepping away quickly.

Dean glances over her shoulder. ‘Oh,’ Dean says, ‘I’m very sorry for your loss. You father was….’

Maura shook her head, ‘you can stop. I don’t need your platitudes.’

Dean frowns, ‘of course, I simply meant… I got to know Paddy and I… well I… respected the man in spite of his career.’ Maura ground her teeth but didn’t bother to answer. ‘How’s the recruit doing? And Jane?’

‘Noemi is recovering well and Jane is fine,’ Maura says, barely containing her own roiling emotions.

Dean nodded, ‘that’s good. Just as a friendly warning, Jane is going to have a lot to answer for when she returns to DC.’

‘Excuse you,’ Maura anger evident in her surprise. Dean takes a step backwards.

‘Not from me,’ Dean says holding up his hands, ‘I just mean. She took a recruit with her on a rescue mission for a case she wasn’t assigned to, helped a person of interest who was under surveillance escape from that surveillance, wound up at a scene where a mob boss was after denying any knowledge of that mob boss, and then got her recruit shot.’

Maura practically sees red. Only the arrival of Kent at her side stops Maura from acting rashly. ‘Jane did _not_ get a recruit shot nor did she have _any_ knowledge of Paddy being there.’

Dean shrugged, ‘it doesn’t matter what the truth is. It’s abut the optics. It’s hard to sell that Jane knew nothing.’

‘It’s about the optics,’ Maura repeats numbly, more to herself than to Dean, a plan already forming in her mind. She pushes past the agent.

‘Doctor Isles?’ Dean calls after her. Maura ignores him.

Kent is hot on her heels, ‘what’re you going to do Maura?’

Maura pulls out her phone. ‘I’m going to call the only _optic_ expert I know: my mother.’

‘Right,’ Kent says as they wait for the elevator to arrive at the correct floor. He holds the door open for her but remains behind. ‘I’m sorry about…’ he trails off before clearing his voice, ‘if there’s anything I can do….’ Kent blushes then almost mutters, ‘I consider you a friend and I would be happy to….’

‘Thank you Kent,’ Maura says with a smile. She nods once in recognition of his words before turning and exiting the building. Back in her car, Maura hits the call button.

‘Maura, dear,’ Constance answers on the third ring, ‘how are you doing? Hope has kept me informed of the situation. Is everything alright?’

‘No,’ Maura says fiddling with her keys, ‘it would seem we have an optics problem. The FBI is planning on hanging her out to dry for Paddy’s escape and her job with the academy is on the line as a recruit was injured. This is entirely my fault mother, I made Jane come to Boston. I put her on that plane.’

‘Maura,’ Constance says with a hint of rebuke, ‘you know this isn’t your fault. It’s that awful man who kidnapped your sister’s fault.’

‘Jane wouldn’t have come if I hadn’t asked,’ Maura replies hotly, even though she knows her mother is telling the truth.

‘That may or may not be true,’ Constance reasons, ‘after all she’s thrown herself in the line of fire for absolute strangers before. It’s in her nature to protect.’

Maura lets out a breath, knowing that was true. Jane was always going to go after Cailin. Maura just made it happen faster. ‘What do I do?’

‘You get the public on her side, my dear,’ Constance says simply as if it ought to be obvious. ‘For the last twelve weeks your name has been everywhere, in every show, on every newspaper. You use that social currency to Jane’s advantage. Have a public press conference. Thank the heroes who saved your sister. Force the FBI to recognise her valour. They can’t act against America’s favourite Federal Agent.’

Maura shuddered, ‘you really think that will be enough?’

Constance considers the question, ‘you said you had an optics problem. That the FBI is painting the story. So you take away the brush. _You_ paint the public perception. What happens behind closed doors is another story entirely but its one that I can handle.

‘You can?’ Maura asks skeptically.

‘Absolutely,’ Constance assures her, ‘after all, Jane is family.’

Maura’s eyes grow wet at that, ‘she is.’

‘Good,’ Constance says and Maura can hear her smile, ‘am I correct in assuming Thanksgiving will be in Boston this year?’

‘We haven’t talked about it but probably,’ Maura admits.

‘Good, I’ve already changed my flights. I’ll see you on Wednesday my dear.’ Constance pauses a moment, ‘I love you Maura.’

‘I-‘ Maura is caught off guard. Things had been better with her mother in recent years but an unsolicited I love you was still disarming. She clears her throat, ‘I love you too Mother. Thank you for your help.’

‘Anytime dear,’ Constance says, ’Ta-ta!’

In that moment, Maura is certain of two things: the first is that her mother’s plan was the best they had. The second is that Jane would hate it.

* * *

Cailin is discharged right around the time visiting hours are over so Jane promises to drive Cailin and Hope home. Jane goes to check on Noemi and Aarna finding the pair fast asleep. Aarna is bent forward, her head laying beside Noemi’s thigh, their hands locked at an odd angle. Someone, Lola probably, had draped a blanket over Aarna’s back. Jane resolves to send the girl home at some point tomorrow for rest in a real bed but she knows better than to try tonight.Jane finds Lola in the surgical waiting room, reading what appeared to be a bible in the corner. She tucked it away quickly and Jane didn’t press her on it. Jane offers Lola a ride and a place to stay. Lola accepts the ride, giving Jane the address of the hotel she had booked nearby. Jane leaves a note for Aarna with the nurse, including phone numbers and addresses if she or Noemi needed anything.

There’s a moment when Jane introduces the women that Jane realises that she might have erred. Cailin is babbling an apology, tears welling. Hope is rubbing Cailin’s back and refusing to meet Lola’s eyes. And then Lola swoops them both in to a hug, reassuring them that it wasn’t their fault and that Noemi was indeed okay. It’s an emotionally charged car ride but not uncomfortable. Jane promises to swing by and pick Lola up with breakfast when they get to the hotel. Lola nods, says goodbye and hurries out of the November cold. Hope makes a similarly quick exit, promising to bring lunch tomorrow for the group. Jane grabs Cailin by the wrist before she can exit.

‘Jane? Did you need something?’ Cailin asks raising an eyebrow.

‘Yeah,’ Jane says letting go, ‘we didn’t really get a chance to talk but I just wanted to say I’m really glad you’re safe. I was worried about you.’

‘Yeah,’ Cailin says looking down at her feet, ‘well thanks for coming to get me.’

‘Always,’ Jane says with a smile, ‘you’re my sister too, you know.’

Cailin smiles at Jane, ‘one day even officially, huh?’

‘Probably,’ Jane says with a wide grin, ‘but listen. It might be hard for the next few days. Being kidnapped is… traumatising. Maura and I know that better than anyone. So if you need anything, anything at all….’ Jane trails off.

‘You’ll be the third person I call,’ Cailin promises.

‘Third? I’m your third?’ Jane says in mock offence, lightening the mood.

‘Well my mom is first,’ Cailin says with a blush, ‘and Maura’s the second. So yeah.’

‘Alright,’ Jane says with an annoyed huff. ‘I guess I can cope with third. Besides if you call Maura I’m probably going to know about it which really makes me second too.’

‘Sure Jane,’ Cailin says with a grin, ‘and thanks for the heads up. I figured it would be rough but I appreciate it. Good night Jane.’

‘Night Cailin,’ Jane says with a small wave.

Then Jane headed to Maura. To the dogs. To home. Jane knew as soon as she entered, Maura had made them dinner. She comes in to the kitchen to see a dinner laid out, a few candles lit and some music playing softly. Maura is waiting by the island for her. ‘Hey you,’ Jane murmurs approaching and wrapping herself around Maura.

‘Hello love,’ Maura responds, returning Jane’s hug eagerly. ‘I’m sure you’re exhausted but I was hoping you’d join me for dinner. I have something I need to discuss with you.’

‘Sure Maura,’ Jane says pulling back to press a kiss to Maura's lips. ‘I’d do anything for you,’ Jane smiles broadly.

‘I would do anything for you,’ Maura whispers in reply, her eyes trained on Jane’s collar bone, ‘which is why we need to talk.’

‘Oh,’ Jane says with a frown, ‘is this a ‘we should talk’ talk?’

Maura finally meets her eyes, confusion in her eyes, ‘doesn’t that describe all requested conversations?’

Jane chuckles, ‘no a ‘we should talk’ talk is when there’s a problem in the relationship and one of us, in this case you, brings it up to the other, me, to correct the problem. Or to break up.’

‘You think I’m breaking up with you?’ Maura asks her face horrified.

‘No,’ Jane says reassuringly, rubbing her hands over Maura’s arms, ‘I figure you’re going to bring up something that I do that annoys you. Or you know… a pet peeve. Or something equally miserable. So let me just say right now, I’m sorry and I promise to do better.’

‘I have no complaints about you or our relationship at the moment.’ Maura says with a frown,‘I do wish you would change your toilet paper direction. And I hate it when you leave your socks everywhere. Especially when you complain about never being able to find a matching pair. But none of these are unknowns.’

‘First of all, you’re wrong about the toilet paper,’ Jane says, ‘and second you are correct, I do already know these complaints. Can we go sit and eat? I’m starving.’

‘Certainly,’ Maura says gesturing to the table. ‘If you go over the top, the toilet paper is less impacted by gravity and therefore less likely to touch the floor and be contaminated.’

‘Yes but if you go under, the toilet paper rolls more easy, making for faster use,’ Jane counters. Its an old fight and they could have it even while dishing themselves up.

‘We are talking about an infinitesimal time difference, bordering on negligible,’ Maura retorts, ‘where as the bacterial count of toilet paper which has come in to contact with the floor versus that which hasn’t is quite significant.’

‘So you’ve said. Just don’t use the pieces that touch the floor Maur.’ Jane replies, taking her first bite with a moan, ‘mmmmmmgh this is good.’

‘Thank you,’ Maura says with a smile, ‘and you could always take .2 seconds longer in the bathroom.’

‘I’m guessing,’ Jane says her mouth full, ‘this isn’t what you wanted to talk about?’

‘No,’ Maura says when she had finished chewing. ‘I went to say goodbye to Paddy today.’

‘What?’ Jane exclaimed, dropping her fork, ‘why would you go alone. I woulda gone with you. You shouldn’t have to do these things alone.’

Maura set her own fork down and put a hand on Jane’s. She squeezed reassuringly, ‘I know you would have gone with me. I just… this was something I had to do alone.’

‘Oh,’ Jane says turning her hand over to intertwine their fingers. ‘I can understand that,’ Jane says softly, ‘how’d it go.’

‘I’m uncertain.’ Maura offers, ‘I do not believe talking to the dead provides any measurable results beyond catharsis but I’ll admit to feeling better for saying goodbye.’

‘That’s good,’ Jane says rubbing her thumb over Maura’s hand, ‘that’s all that matters.’

‘While I was at BPD I ran in to agent Dean,’ Maura says. ‘He seemed to imply you are in considerable trouble. Did the Director Wilson say anything to you?’

Jane sighed, ‘well he wasn’t happy. A recruit was shot Maura. Sure she’s a recruit for the FBI, not exactly your normal student, but she’s still the academy’s responsibility and for her to be shot in the presence of her instructor isn’t a good look. He doesn’t exactly have to spell it out for me.'

Maura frowned, ‘spell what out, exactly?’

‘That I’ve lost my job,’ Jane says her voice absent any emotion.

‘But you love your job,’ Maura says sadly, ‘and you’re good at it.’

‘Sure, I do,’ Jane says with a sigh. ‘But just like when Susie was framed and you were implicated. I’m the one implicated.’

‘So you agree its an optics problem,’ Maura asks, too casually. ‘That’s what Dean seemed to imply. It didn’t matter what the truth was, what mattered was how it appeared.’

‘Well,’ Jane says nibbling her cheek, ‘yeah. An FBI instructor and her recruit show up at the place a mob boss is, with a person who was under surveillance. The mob boss and the recruit get shot and the boss and another civilian dies. And then the FBI doesn’t even get the collar. It goes to BPD. Not a great look.’

‘We reframe the narrative,’ Maura offers. ‘A heroic FBI instructor and her recruit rescue a kidnapped woman, bringing in both a kidnapper and one of the FBI’s most wanted.’

‘I didn’t bring in Paddy at all,’ Jane says feeling defensive. ‘I made my choice Maura. I chose to go after Cailin. Maybe I’d do some things differently. Maybe I’d leave Noemi behind. But I would still be here in Boston. I’d still show up and Paddy would still be there. If that means I play the FBI’s scapegoat so be it.’

‘So you intend to allow them to pin this all on you,’ Maura asks her voice hard and angry sounding.

‘What’s the alternative?’ Jane asks, pulling her hand away from Maura. ‘Someone takes the fall for this Maura. I’d rather it was me.’

‘Why must someone take the blame? You saved my sister. How is that a bad thing?’ Maura pushes back.

‘It’s not, Maura. We did save your sister but everything else went pretty poorly.’

‘I disagree and I won’t allow you to lay down and just take this,’ Maura says angrily.

‘What would you have me do?’ Jane asks angrily, ‘you don’t think I want to keep my job? You think I want to lose my career?’

‘Do you?’ Maura shoots back.

‘No!’ Jane says angrily. ‘Of course I don’t.’

‘Good,’ Maura says looking suddenly quite pleased. ‘Because I have a plan that would allow you to keep it and to keep Noemi out of trouble as well. But you aren’t going to like it.’

Jane frowned, ‘I’m listening.’

‘Tomorrow morning,’ Maura began, ‘I will hold a press conference and thank the brave agents and police officers who rescued my kidnapped sister. I will provide the press with Cailin’s statement of thanks and with your photographs. The FBI can hardly scapegoat you if all of America is cheering you on.’

‘You’re serious,’ Jane asks. She doesn’t need Maura to answer. She can see it written all over Maura’s face. ‘No. No way. I’m not going to go be some kind of glory hound. I didn’t do this for America. I did it for you.’ Jane pushes back away from the table. Needing the space.

‘I know. And I’m doing this for you Jane,’ Maura replies quietly, her eyes turned down looking at her plate. ‘I won’t let them make you take the fall, not when I can change it. Not when I can help you.’

‘Well I don’t want this,’ Jane says angrily. ‘I don’t want some dog and pony show.’

‘Even if it saves your job? Noemi’s future career?’ Maura speaks quietly, still refusing to meets Jane’s eyes.

Jane hesitates, ‘Noemi is fine. She got hurt. They wouldn’t scapegoat an injured agent.’

‘But she’s not an agent yet,’ Maura replies, ‘and if things are as bad as you imply then what will it say about her career that it started on such poor footing? What department would take her? But if you’re both America’s sweet hearts, Noemi could have her pick of the nation.’

‘So thank Noemi. Why do you have to include me too?’ Jane asks even though she knows the answer.

‘Because I love you. And I won’t see you hurt because of me,’ Maura says looking up at Jane. Her eyes are somewhat wet but the look on her face sincere.

‘Maura,’ Jane whines. She really didn’t want to do this.

‘Because Cailin doesn’t want too see you lose your job for her. Because Hope doesn’t want Paddy to ruin your career,’ Maura continues softly. ‘Because Aarna wants other recruits to experience your knowledge too. Because Korsack wants you to continue passing on all of his knowledge to every future suit so they know how to treat local officers.Because your mother and brothers don’t want to see you lose a job you love and return to casework.’

Jane gulps feeling guilty, ‘you all want me to do this?’

‘None of us want you to fall on your sword, no,’ Maura affirms.

Jane sighs sitting back in her chair, ‘and I suppose you’re going to do it no matter what I say.’

Maura frowns, ‘I don’t know what I’ll do if you refuse. I don’t like the idea of going behind your back. Truthfully, I’m hoping you won’t make me decide.’

Jane frowns, she picks up her fork and pushes the zucchini around on her plate. ‘Fine,’ Jane says at last. ‘Do what you have to. But don’t expect me to be happy about it. And you had better not use the word hero.’

Maura smiles brightly at Jane, her dimple showing. ‘No? But you are _my_ hero Jane.’ She blinks at Jane, her lashes fluttering in a way that makes Jane’s face grow hot.

‘Well, that’s… thats fine.’ Jane is flustered,‘I like being your hero. Just yours. Not America’s.’

‘Perhaps then,’ Maura says in a sultry tone, ‘you wouldn’t mind coming upstairs and showing me some of those heroic moves.’ Jane is about to agree when her stomach growls. Maura laughs, her eyes twinkling in the candlelight, ‘after we finish eating of course.’ And Jane grins back feeling grateful for Maura for a multitude of reasons.

The press conference is predictably horrible the next morning. Jane does her best to stay out of sight of nosy reporters and Maura, true to her word, refrains from using the word hero. That is until she stepped out of the lime light, found Jane’s hiding spot and whispers it into the shell of Jane’s ear in a sultry tone that brings back all of Jane’s memories of the night before. Jane couldn’t stand being America’s hero but being Maura’s? That she could do. Happily. For the rest of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well y'all this chapter puts us right around 160,000 words together. So thank you for reading and commenting and generally helping to keep me motivated to finish this fic! 
> 
> Some of you have asked about sequels and/or other Rizzles fics and I wanted to let you officially know, there is a Baby Rizzles fic in progress. First chapter will be going up just before this fic ends so keep your eyes peeled! All my love!


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy fluff! 
> 
> ALSO thanks to Tintin who pointed out my Tagalog was off and that Lola would call Noemi 'Apo' not 'Babae'. I have gone back and edited it but if you catch any I missed, let me know!

Noemi is moved from the surgical ward Sunday afternoon. The combined forces of Noemi, Lola and Maura aren’t enough to persuade Aarna to go home and take a proper rest. Even the promise of both Lola and Maura being on hand to help failed to sway her. Then Jane sweeps in, raises one eyebrow at her recruit and says ‘you’re done recruit. Go home.’ Aarna snaps to attention, her spine stiffening, her face going blank. She blinks twice, frowns, opens her mouth to debate but Jane shakes her head and points her thumb over her shoulder, gesturing for the woman to get out. Aarna gulps, presses a kiss to Noemi’s cheek and disappears with Maura’s car keys. Lola laughs, Maura joining in after a moment. Noemi just gives Jane a grateful, quiet smile. Jane nods brusquely before settling in to a chair and opening a magazine and pretending to read it. Jane hadn’t been expecting that to work at all. She was touched that Aarna had obeyed her and slightly embarrassed. Then Jane realised she had grabbed an obstetrics magazine and her blush deepened to the amusement of all three women.

Jane spent most of the next few days between their home in Boston and the hospital. She almost feels guilty about it on Tuesday when she comes home to find Maura and Angela moving like miniature whirlwinds about the house with dust rags and cleaning sprays, the dogs moping on their designated dog bed, clearly having been scolded for getting under foot. A turkey in a brine bag sat on the counter. When she brings it up later with Maura, she assures Jane that it is fine and indeed what Maura preferred. Jane had opened her mouth to argue but then Maura had kissed her until all of her retorts were forgotten in the silken feel of Maura moving against her.

Jane is dispatched first thing Wednesday morning to pick up Constance from the airport. Jane grumbles a bit but Maura just tells her that she’s needed for ‘preparations’ and shoos Jane away. Jane learns first hand where Maura learned to pack from. Constance, who was visiting for a four day period, had just as many bags. More if you included her personal items. Jane had to resist rolling her eyes as she transferred the heavy bags in to the back of her Ma’s car.

Constance, to her surprise, asks a multitude of questions about Jane, her health and happiness at the FBI. She asks after both Noemi and Aarna by name, showing a level of interest Jane had thought her incapable of from previous encounters. As they pulled in to the driveway, Constance turns to look at Jane. The older woman pats Jane’s arm awkwardly, ‘thank you for everything you do for my daughter. You make her so very happy and while I may struggle to show her, that is all I truly want for my daughter. Her happiness. You make her happy. You take care of her. You fight for her, protect her, protect the people she loves. I am honoured to have you as a part of my family Jane Rizzoli.’ Constance smiles warmly at Jane.

‘Wow,’ Jane says her eyes wide, ‘uh, I mean thank you Constance. I-‘ Jane’s voice goes soft. She can’t help it. Maura just does that to her, ‘I love her very much.’

‘Of that,’ Constance said with an affectionate laugh, ‘I am very much aware.’

Jane helped Constance bring in her bags. Lugging the heavy and likely very expensive things up the stairs and in to the guest bedroom. If last night’s cleaning activities were a whirlwind, today was like a hurricane. Nina, Angela and Maura all moved around each other in an intricate pattern, their voices carrying the sound of holiday cheer, and perhaps a bit of bickering, to Jane’s ears. Sitting in one corner of the living room was the equally dejected looking combination of Aarna and the dogs. Noemi had made Aarna promise not to arrive until after her first physical therapy appointment today. Aarna was bouncing Maura’s car keys in her lap, her eyes trained on the clock, a grumpy look on her face. Boston was whining, her head alert watching the swirl of activity in the kitchen. Berry’s head was on the floor, her eyes staring balefully up at Jane.

‘Come on you three,’ Jane says, ‘let’s go for a walk.’ Aarna opens her mouth to argue but Jane just cuts her off, ‘time won’t move any faster just because you’re glaring at Maura’s clock. You might as well help me with these rascals.’

They bundle up and walk together to the dog park. ‘How are things going with Lola? Any troubles?’ Jane asks as she lets the dogs off leash.

Aarna shakes her head, rubbing her hands together for warmth, ‘she’s visibly uncomfortable with any kind of affection but I haven’t decided if that is her age, her culture, or her religious beliefs. But she hasn’t said or done anything particularly offensive. To be honest Jane, I expected her to disown Noemi.’

‘Because of her faith?’ Jane asks, fishing around for poop bags. Aarna nods. Jane shrugs, ‘people will surprise you sometimes. Especially in matters of the heart. Love makes us do strange things, like picking up the shit of the dogs you didn’t want in eco friendly bags that cost more than a designated poop bag should.’

Aarna laughs, ‘or like hitting your friend at the hospital?’

Jane barks out a laugh too, ‘yeah. Exactly like that. It was a good hit by the way.’

‘Thanks?’ Aarna asks with a grin.

‘Anytime. But actually, don’t hit me again. I’m getting too old for that,’ Jane says with a dimpled smile of her own. ‘How are things with your family?’

‘They’re well. My Mata wants me to bring Noemi home to meet them,’ Aarna says shyly.

‘That’s a big step,’ Jane says with a teasing tone, ‘are you going to do it?’

‘I’d be open to it,’ Aarna says, ‘if we have time after we’re assigned. I’ll admit, I am frightened of what comes next.’

‘What do you mean?’ Jane asks, her eyes reading Aarna’s face.

Aarna sighs, shifting from foot to foot. Jane isn’t sure whether it is discomfort or the cold causing it. When Aarna speaks it’s with a shy sort of smile, ‘Noemi and I said I love you for the first time this weekend. It was wonderful. And terrifying. We aren’t established like you and Maura are. I don’t know if we could survive long distance. Even if we really want to.’

‘You think Maura and I are established?’ Jane asks, somewhat surprised by the description.

‘You seem to be. You’ve bought a house together, adopted dogs, your families spend the holidays together,’ Aarna says her eyebrow arching slightly in confusion.

‘Yeah but that’s because we’ve been friends forever, not because we’ve been dating for forever,’ Jane says chuckling.

‘Oh,’ Aarna says, ‘I didn’t realise. I just assumed.’

‘It took us, well, me mostly, a really long time to figure out how I felt,’ Jane admits, ‘the dating thing is recent.’

Aarna frowns, ‘oh. When’s your anniversary then?’

Jane chuckles wryly, ‘you know Aarna? I honestly don’t know.I should probably ask her before I accidentally miss it and mess it all up.’

Aarna’s head tilts sideways, ‘how can you not know your own anniversary? Do you mean you forgot?’

Jane shrugs, reaching down to pet Berry’s head, ‘nah. I don’t know when what we were became what we are, it happened in bits and pieces. Maura kind of just decided we were in a committed relationship at some point and I just….’ Jane trails off.

‘You were so smitten you just went along with it?’ Aarna teases.

A red heat in her cheeks tells Jane she is blushing, ‘basically, yeah, but I believe we were talking about your love life, not mine.’

‘If you have advice, I’m all ears,’ Aarna offers, stuffing her hands in to her pockets while stomping her feet.

‘Live in the moment, Dhar,’ Jane says not unkindly, her eyes watching Boston flip snow in to the air with her nose before trying to catch it in her mouth, an absolutely ridiculous looking feat. ‘You just got to the I love you stage. Bask in that. Enjoy it. You can’t change the future by worrying about it. Even if you end up stationed apart, it doesn’t make that station permanent. You’ll figure it out together or I’ll come out there and kick both of your asses.’

Aarna laughed, her shoulders loosening for the first time that morning, ‘deal, Rizzoli, deal.’ It takes the pair of them a while to wrangle Boston back in but Aarna doesn’t seem all that bothered by it. She looked calmer, more at ease. Not that it stopped her from climbing directly into the car and heading to the hospital as soon as they hit the driveway, not even bothering to help Jane take the dogs in. Jane didn’t mind much, after all, Jane was just as eager to see Maura. Jane finds her swirling a glass of wine, mid conversation with Constance and Jane can’t help but wrapping her up in a hug from behind, letting Maura’s body warm her back up. And given that Maura didn’t even so much as skip a word while speaking with her mother, Jane assumed Maura didn’t either.

The next morning, Jane expects to find Aarna gone and Maura somewhere in the kitchen Instead, she found Angela in the kitchen ushering the pouting young woman from task to task, Constance in the living room entertaining Frankie and Nina who had arrived early, and Maura missing entirely.

Jane frowns, texting Maura quickly, ‘ _Hey Maur! Where’d you get off to? I’d have gone to the store for you if you needed something.’_

Maura’s response was quick but annoyingly vague, _‘It’s a surprise. See you soon! Xo’_

Jane shakes her head and decides she ought to save Aarna from being her mother’s workhorse. ‘Hey Ma. Aarna. Can I help?’ Jane rolls up her sleeves, washes her hands in the kitchen sink,and dries them. Aarna is peeling potatoes and Jane jumps in there. ‘What time are you headed for the hospital?’

Aarna sighs, ‘Maura wasn’t sure how long she’d need the car for. I asked her to take me but she said she didn’t have time.’

‘Oh,’ Jane says, ‘well you could always take Ma’s car.’

‘No she can’t,’ Angela says from somewhere behind them, ‘I left it at Ron’s last night.’

‘Okaaaay,’ Jane says, ‘then maybe Frankie and Nina’s.’

‘Nope,’ Angela repeats, ‘they’re on call.’

‘Come on Ma,’ Jane whines, ‘it’s Thanksgiving and Noemi is all alone in the hospital. There’s gotta be something we can do. Surely someone can give her a ride or something.’

‘There’s plenty you can do,’ Angela says cheerfully, swooping between the pair of them and depositing a load of vegetables, ‘chop the veggies and wait for Maura to get back. It will pass the time more quickly.’ Then in a surprising display of affection, Angela presses a kiss to both girls cheeks before moving back to whatever she was doing.

Jane sends Aarna an apologetic look before dragging over the celery to chop. Aarna shrugs and starts on the carrots and if her chopping sounded especially agitated Jane didn’t really blame her.Just as Jane thinks there could not be any more food in the world left for the pair of them to chop, Jane hears the door open. Boston and Berry bark happily at the door, their yips telling Jane it was most likely Maura walking in. A hushed greeting affirms that suspicion. The thing that makes Aarna drop her knife, missing Jane’s foot by centimetres, is the next voice that greets them.

‘Honey,’ Noemi calls, ‘I’m home.’

Aarna bursts in to tears, her body frozen in place as Maura, Noemi and Lola come slowly in to view. One look at her mother’s pleased face and Jane knows she was in on it too. Noemi manages to wrap herself somewhat impressively around Aarna’s sobbing form even with just the single arm while the others retreat to give the pair space.

‘Is she allowed to leave the hospital?’ Jane whispers at Maura.

Maura is beaming, absolutely pleased with herself for managing to surprise both Aarna and Jane. ‘She has been signed in to my care and is under strict orders to return if she feels unwell in the slightest. I thought she should get to spend Thanksgiving with her family.’

‘Doctor Isles,’ Jane grins, ‘that was very sneaky of you.’ Jane presses a kiss to Maura’s cheek, ‘and very sweet.’ Maura rests her head on Jane’s shoulder, her gaze trained on the two women huddled in the kitchen, a smile on her face.

* * *

It isn’t long before Maura’s house is full. Bursting at the seams with the sounds of family, new and old, and festive cheer.

Tommy and Frankie have commandeered the television in the media room to watch the pregame. TJ had riled up Boston in to a game of chase that had all the adults jumping aside at a moments notice. Vince had enticed Constance in to a conversation about the differences between European and American wines that had devolved in to a somewhat tipsy alcohol comparison game. Kiki, Nina and Angela stood around the kitchen island, responding to timers and food crises without pausing their conversation. Hope and Lola stood chatting quietly in a doorway between the living room and the kitchen, their eyes repeatedly going over their respective children. On one couch, Noemi had fallen asleep with her head in Aarna’s lap, her pain killers making it difficult to stay awake. Aarna, exhausted from nights spent sleeping in a chair, was sleeping with her head propped up on an elbow and her other hand buried gently in Noemi’s hair as if she’d fallen asleep mid stroke. Berry lay on Aarna’s feet, an adorable red guardian for the pair of them. In the other corner of the room, Cailin sat with Sofia Walsh the pair talking animatedly. Jane and Maura flit from group to group, Jane refilling wine glasses and Maura water, their orbits never straying far from one another with plenty of opportunity for soft touches and tender words.

The door bell ringing surprises Maura. They weren’t expecting any additional guests. TJ runs to answer it, Boston hot on his heels. The boy opens the door and Boston barks warningly, ‘who are you?’

‘Is, uh, Doctor Isles or Agent Rizzoli here?’ an unfortunately familiar voice speaks.

‘Auntie Maura!’ TJ calls just as Maura reaches the door, the boy diving behind her legs. Maura places a protective hand over his head and greets Agent Dean. ‘Dean?’

‘Doctor Isles,’ Dean replies steadily, ‘sorry for scaring your… nephew? I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving and let you know that Jane is no longer a subject of investigation in Paddy Doyle’s escape.’

Maura raises an eyebrow, ‘your higher ups are dropping the case?’

Dean blushes, ‘it seems that Jane’s recent actions have had a positive effect for the FBI at a time when the agency as a whole is being questioned for its role in the 2016 election. Given that and as we have found no lines of communication between Agent Rizzoli and Doyle, my superiors believe it is in the agency’s best interest to move forward. That press conference was a smart call.’ Dean smiled then. ‘I’m glad everything worked out for the two of you.’ Dean turns to walk away.

‘Agent Dean?’ Maura calls after him, stopping him, ‘what about the academy?’

Dean shrugs, ‘not my department but from what I hear, there’s a recruit nominated for special commendation for going above and beyond in the call of duty. Can’t imagine they’d reward the recruit and punish the instructor.’

‘Thank you Agent Dean,’ Maura says with a smile, ‘and Happy Thanksgiving.’ Maura closes the door and looks down at the boy behind her legs.

‘Is Auntie Janie in trouble?’ TJ asks, his eyes wide and brimming with tears.

‘Quite the opposite,’ Maura says swooping TJ up despite his weight, ‘she’s a hero. She saved someone’s life.’

‘Miss Cailin’s?’ TJ asks softly, his fingers playing with Maura’s necklace.

‘That’s right,’ Maura says, pressing a kiss to the boys cheek.

‘That’s good cause I like Miss Cailin. She’s my favourite kid sitter because she doesn’t call me a baby.’ TJ replies steadily, his brow furrowing in frustration. ‘I’m not a baby.’

Maura laughs, ‘no you are not. I used to be able to hold you in one hand and now look at you! You’re so big, I can hardly pick you up at all.’

TJ beams, ‘that’s right. I’m big _and_ strong just like my daddy!’

‘Just like,’ Maura affirms. Then she whispers in a conspiratorial tone, ‘do you know who forgot how big and strong you are?’

‘Who?’ TJ tries to whisper back, his little voice coming out louder than he means it to.

‘Your Auntie Janie.’ Maura says with a grin, ‘should we go tackle her to remind her?’

‘Will you help me? Auntie Janie is _fast._ ’ TJ says, emphasising the fast.

Maura grins, ‘absolutely. Let’s go get her.’

Jane dodges TJ’s initial attack, of course his yelling ‘I’m going to get you Auntie Janie,’ with his hands up and his teeth bared probably gave her fair warning. Jane is _not_ expecting the second one in which Maura collides with her from behind wrapping her in fast hug before pulling Jane’s arms up to give TJ prime tickling space.

‘Betrayal!’ Jane squeals, trying to catch her breath. Maura presses a quick kiss to Jane’s cheek. ‘Oh it’s on now,’ Jane says struggling against Maura, ‘you two had better run.’

Maura looks at TJ, beaming, and yells ‘run!’ She lets go of Jane and takes off after TJ, laughing as Jane and Boston chase after them through the house.

The chase ends in a heaping pile on the floor, Maura having switched sides to help tickle TJ breathless. As they lay on the hallway floor, catching their breath, Maura can’t help but to look at Jane over TJ’s head and see their future. Chasing their children, tickling their children. And judging from the soft way Jane smiles back at Maura, Maura thinks that Jane might be having the same thought. Maura lays her head back on the floor, tucking the happy thought away for now. Maybe their house wasn’t quite full yet afterall. 


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Foster care, abusive family past, feelings of unworthiness, self sabotage, and possible break ups, general emotional whiplash
> 
> You're probably going to yell from cuteness. And then from anger.

The drive from Boston back to Quantico is long. Jane and Maura had both attempted to convince the recruits to fly with Lola but both had refused. They opted to make the drive with Jane and Maura and the dogs. Noemi, who was transitioning off of pain medication, shifted uncomfortably in the back while Aarna watched with a concerned face. Jane drives as fast as she can possibly justify, trying to get them home quickly. Maura, on the other hand, takes to stopping frequently in an attempt to keep them comfortable. The end effect being that it took them the exact same amount of time it would have if they driven normally and they were all slightly more annoyed with each other than they normally would be.

The recruits return to the academy grounds and Jane to her work finalising grades. Officially, the FBI had ‘thanked’ both Jane and Noemi for their service. Unofficially, Jane had a very long meeting with the director in which he fumed over her carelessness and clearly expressed that the only reason she had a job was because she had ‘friends’. Jane had taken it in stride and bit her tongue. Noemi, to Jane’s knowledge, received no such lecture. Similarly, Aarna’s absence, as far as Jane could tell, was being explicitly ignored. Such was the intricacies of bureaucratic life. Maura, for her part, takes most of the week off, enjoying being home and walking the dogs without anyone trying to interview her. She does take a gift basket to Allyson at the clinic and begins re-familiarising herself with her case load and the progress her patients had made in the last twelve weeks.

Friday afternoon, Maura and Jane make the drive to the DC Zoo. Jane parks the car while Maura goes to pick up the tickets she had purchased online. Panda and Amanda find her first.

Panda is wearing a black puffy jacket with white fake fur and a panda hat. Her gloves are white and her face is rosy and when she sees Maura she jumps in to Maura’s hands.

‘Doctor Isles!’ Panda cries out happily, ‘Mommy said you found your sister and that my binoculars helped!’

‘Panda cub!’ Maura hugs the little girl close, ‘they absolutely did. So much more than you know.’ Maura pulls the toy binoculars out of her bag and passes them over, ‘I thought you might like them back to look at the zoo lights.’ Panda beams, allowing Maura to slip them on over her head.

‘Where’s Miss Jane?’ Panda asks, looking through the wrong end of the binoculars at the crowd around them.

‘Izzie has been talking about this all week long,’ Amanda says with a smile.

‘Izzie?’ Maura asks looking at her Panda cub and then back at Amanda, her heart breaking a bit at it.

‘Mommy says Panda is a good nickname but that she likes the name Izzie too. It’s better than Isabella.’ Panda makes a face of disgust that makes Maura chuckle.

‘Would you prefer I call you Izzie?’ Maura asks sincerely. She supposes the girl had to grow up from her nickname eventually.

Panda bit her lower lip thinking. Amanda, perhaps sensing Maura’s sadness offered, ‘perhaps Panda can be a special nickname between the two of you. What do you think Izzie?’

‘Hmmm,’ Panda says tapping a finger to her lip that makes Amanda grin at Maura. ‘Okay. Will Miss Jane call me Panda too?’

‘If you want her to,’ Maura offers. ‘There she is.’ Maura points out Jane walking toward them. She’s easy to find, having worn a pair of antlers strung up with Christmas lights. When Maura had seen it she had raised an eyebrow but Jane had simply shuffled her feet and said something about wanting Panda to like her. Now she was walking toward them with her confident gait, holding on to a handful of Christmas light necklaces, and smirking in that way that made her left dimple stand out and made Maura’s heart thump faster.

‘I see her!’ Panda shouts before waving frantically. ‘Miss Jane! Miss Jane!’

Jane to her credit grins more widely and waves in an over exaggerated way at Panda. Maura beams, her mind feeding her images of Jane doing that same thing with their children. When Jane gets to them she turns to Maura and says in her most falsely helpful tone, ‘excuse me Ma’am but you aren’t supposed to take the Pandas _out_ of the exhibit.’ It pulls a giggle from Panda’s lips.

‘It’s wonderful to meet you Jane,’ Amanda says holding out a hand, ‘I’m Amanda Stephens.’

‘Nice to meet you too,’ Jane says taking the hand and shaking before passing her a necklace, ‘I thought we’d join in on the festivities.’

‘That was very thoughtful,’ Amanda says with a grin. She slips the necklace on after turning it on and looks at Panda. ‘What do you think?’

Panda beams at her, her voice full of awed sincerity, ‘you look beautiful Mommy.’ Panda drags out the ‘u’ in beautiful and makes Maura duck her head in a smile. ‘What about Doctor Isles?’ Panda asks expectantly.

Jane grins, ‘yup, she needs one too.’ Jane slips it on Maura’s neck for her and then says with the same tone and exaggeration ‘beautiful.’ Panda giggles. ‘And one for the Panda bear, if she’s going to be walking around the zoo with us.’ Panda ducks her head and Jane slips the necklace on her too.

‘Beautiful!’ Maura and Amanda both echo before bursting in to laughter.

‘You need one too Miss Jane!’ Panda points out.

‘I do?’ Jane says her eyes opened wide in surprise as she looks down at her unadorned neck. ‘By golly, I do! Help me out here Panda!’

She passes the necklace to the girl and with a slight boost from Maura, Panda carefully slips the necklace on, not catching it on the antlers. Maura presses a kiss to Jane’s cheek and whispers in a husky voice filled with want, ‘beautiful.’ Jane blushes but it doesn’t stop her from pulling out more antlers.

‘Anyone want antlers?’ Jane says with a grin. Maura rolls her eyes, she doesn’t know when Jane even had time to find these things.

Amanda takes one, fixing it to her head with a grin. Maura tilts her head, allowing Jane to put one on her as well. Jane holds a third, kid sized set, up for Panda. The girl frowns and turns to Maura, ‘do Panda’s have antlers?’

Maura smiles, ‘usually? No. But sometimes during the holidays they’ll wear silly hats too.’

Panda beams and then copies Maura, leaning her head forward to let Jane fix the antlers over her hat. ‘Now,’ Jane says with a grin, ‘we’re ready to see some lights.’ She holds out her arms for Panda who, to Maura’s surprise, jumps straight in to them. Jane swings the girl around and Maura honestly can’t tell which one of them is making the high pitched whee sound. Then Jane sets her on the ground and the pair take off, hand in hand. Maura laughs shaking her head.

Amanda stares after them, a look of shock on her face, ‘that’s the fastest I have ever seen her warm up to anyone.’

‘Jane has that effect,’ Maura says wryly because of course Jane could win over the child with attachment issues.

Maura and Amanda ambled behind at a pace more acceptable for an almost due pregnant woman.

’We have a court date on the 27th to officially begin adoption proceedings,’ Amanda says quietly, ‘I was hoping you would join us.’

‘Of course, I’d be happy to!’ Maura says with a smile and she means it. ‘Just send me the information and I’ll be there.’

‘We’ve still got a long way to go before we can officially call her ours but it’s a start,’ Amanda says almost dreamily.

‘A very good one. She’s come such a long way with you. I can’t believe she lets you call her Izzie,’ Maura offers.

Amanda blushes, ‘I just thought she’d need to go by something other than Panda at some point. I was hoping we could reclaim her name or at least change it when we adopt her officially.’

‘You’re absolutely correct,’ Maura says with a reassuring smile, ‘she needs to be comfortable with her real name.’

Amanda smiles and they walk along in silence for a while. ‘Forgive me if I am overstepping,’ Amanda begins, ‘but you’re both so wonderful with Izzie and there’s such a need. Have you considered fostering Maura?’

Maura smiles, ‘it isn’t overstepping. We have and I think we both want to but we need to talk some more before.’

‘That’s good,’ Amanda says with a relieved smile, ‘if our adoption goes through and with this one coming any day now, we’re going to be out of it for a time. It’s good to know there are other good ones out there taking care of them.’ Maura smiles and squeezes Amandas forearm in reassurance. ‘I’d be happy to answer any questions you both might have. It can be confusing in the beginning.’

‘Thank you Amanda,’ Maura says, ’believe me, you’ll be the first person I call.’ That makes Amanda laugh.

‘Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!’ Panda comes shouting running back to them with Jane just beside her, ‘can I have hot chocolate?’

‘You did finish your supper and it is very cold. Do you want it with sprinkles?’ Amanda asks.

Panda nods and grins, ‘yes please mommy.’

‘I’ll go with,’ Jane says, ‘Maura and I could use some cocoa too.’

Panda grabs Maura’s hand and tugs her towards the seating area. ‘Are you having fun?’ Maura asks settling on to the cold bench

‘Jane is fun,’ Panda says with a grin, ‘I like her a lot. Do you think she likes me too?’

Maura smiles at the girl, ‘I think so. Jane only runs with the people she really, really loves.’

Panda nods then says sagely, ‘she’s fast.’ Maura laughs because Panda isn’t wrong. Jane could be very fast when she wanted to be.

‘Your mommy says you’re getting close to finishing your adoption. Are you excited about that?’ Maura asks.

Panda nods before looking away, ‘do you think my mama would be mad that I’m being adopted in to another family?’

Maura turns her head, resting her chin on her palm and considers the question, ‘I don’t think so.’ Maura considers the woman she met almost four months ago. ‘Your mama wanted you to be safe and happy in another family. She knew she couldn’t give you those things so she gave you to me.’

Panda’s eyes well with tears, ‘my mama didn’t want me. That’s why she left me behind.’

Maura moves quickly around the table, wrapping her arm around the girl, ‘I don’t think that’s true at all Panda cub. Your mama was scared and didn’t know what else to do. She needed some help. Sometimes adults need help too. So she brought you to me and I brought you to Miss Nia and Miss Nia brought you to your mommy.’

‘She could have taken me with,’ Panda says sadly, her voice muffled in Maura’s jacket.

‘Yeah, she could have,’ Maura says sadly, ‘but then I wouldn’t have met you and neither would Jane and you wouldn’t have your Mommy either.’

‘The sad would still be stuck in my belly too,’ Panda says with a sniff.

‘It would,’ Maura says softly. ‘But now you have a good home with a mommy and a daddy who love you and keep you safe. You’re going to have a little sister soon too. It’s okay to be happy about that Panda. It doesn’t change that you have a mama and two brothers who love you too.’

‘Sometimes I get scared that all the sad will come back and all the happy will go away,’ Panda says quietly.

Maura kisses the space between the antlers and whispers, ‘I feel that way too sometimes.’ Her eyes find Jane in the hot chocolate line laughing with Amanda, her head thrown back. ‘Sometimes I’m afraid the happy feeling won’t last. Do you know what I do then?’ Panda shakes her head. Maura takes a deep breath, ‘I tell the sadness in my belly that it’s wrong and then I go hug someone who loves me and I drink hot chocolate and I look at Christmas lights and I feel better.’

Panda’s arms wind around her and squeeze her hard. ‘I love you Doctor Isles,’ Panda says quietly.

‘I love you too Panda,’ Maura whispers pressing another kiss to the girls head, ‘and I’m so glad you found a home with your mommy and daddy.’

‘I wish you could be there too,’ Panda says quietly.

‘Me too,’ Maura says with a sad smile, ‘but being an adult means I can drive to see you anytime you or I want. Okay?’ Panda considers this and then nods, sniffing her acceptance.

By the time the hot chocolate arrives, Maura has managed to get Panda on to happier topics. The rest of the night is spent full of laughter and smiles. Jane gets one exceptionally good picture of Maura and Panda that Maura resolves to print and frame for both of them. Panda is all but asleep on her feet by the time they say their goodbyes and head home. The drive is quiet and pleasant, Jane holding Maura’s hand tenderly. They pull in, unloading their winter gear and head inside. Maura lets the dogs out for a final bathroom break. She returns to find Jane standing at the kitchen island, a manila file in hand.

‘What’s that?’ Maura asks walking over to stand beside Jane.

‘Seeing you tonight, with Panda,’ Jane starts, ‘it made me want to be a family with you. I already knew it in my head but it made my heart know it too. I printed these papers off the day after I got home from Philadelphia.’ Jane took a deep shaky sounding breath, ‘I want to have kids with you Maura. I don’t care what the process looks like. I filled out my half and I started buying and sorting clothes and toys. They’re upstairs in the guest closet. So whenever we get our first placement we are ready them. I was going to start preparing the house but I knew you’d want to be included with the decorating and stuff.’Jane slides the folder over and Maura opens it with trembling fingers. Inside sitting on the very top was an application to become foster parents.

‘Jane,’ Maura whispers her voice shaking, ‘I can’t believe you did all of this.’

Jane shifts nervously from foot to foot, ‘in a good way or a bad way because if it’s overstepping or too much then we can take our time or if you’ve changed your mind and you don’t want to have kids with me-‘

Maura cuts her off there with a firm kiss. ‘You’re incredible,’ Maura whispers pulling away, ‘I can’t wait to start this process with you.’

‘Yeah?’ Jane asks, her hands rubbing Maura’s back, ‘because I have a pen and we can start as soon as you want.’

‘Tomorrow,’ Maura whispers tugging gently at Jane, ‘we’ll start tomorrow. Tonight I just want to thank you for going on this journey with me.’

‘Oh?’ Jane mumbles her face turning bright red, ‘tomorrows good. I’m free tonight. All yours. To do whatever. Whatever you want. You know.’

Maura hums, ‘good because its really unfair how devastatingly gorgeous you are in reindeer antlers.’

Jane’s face seems to short circuit going from dimpled to dismay and freezing there. ‘What?’ Jane groans, ’reindeer antlers? Really Maur?’

Maura grins, ‘why not?’

‘You want me to leave them on while we?’ Jane raises her eyebrows suggestively.

That brings a laugh from Maura, ‘maybe. Why don’t we go upstairs and find out.’

The antlers and most of Jane’s clothes end up staying on for the first round before everything comes off for rounds two and three.

* * *

Maura and Lola sit together at the FBI graduation ceremony, cheering together when Noemi gets a special commendation and then again when both Noemi and Aarna’s names are called. Jane sits on stage looking immensely proud of her fledglings. Afterwards, Maura takes Jane, Noemi, Aarna and Lola out to dinner to celebrate. Jane beams at her recruits as they exchange stories about their training, drawing out peals of laughter from Maura and Lola.

When dinner is done, Jane draws out a pair of envelopes with the recruits names on them. The table goes silent.

‘Is that?’ Aarna asks her face ashen.

‘Your assignments,’ Jane affirms, ‘I haven’t looked yet.’

Noemi squeezes Aarna’s hand. ‘It’ll be okay.’

‘You don’t have to look at them tonight. Or right now,’ Maura offers quietly.

‘No,’ Aarna says, ‘I want to you know. Unless…’ She looks at Noemi expectantly.

‘I do too,’ Noemi affirms. Jane passes the envelopes over.

‘You go first,’ Aarna nods to Noemi’s envelope.

An expectant silence falls over the table as Noemi opens the envelope painstakingly slow. She pulls out the letter and reads in silence. A grin on her face. She looks at Aarna with a smile, ‘I’m going to be part of the tech division in Boston!’ Excitement radiating off her, Noemi urges, ‘open yours!’

Jane’s hand finds Maura’s. Maura smiles reassuringly at her.

Aarna’s hands shake as she opens her envelope, reading the letter quickly. She frowns. ‘Well?’ Noemi asks. Aarna hands the paper over.

Noemi reads the letter quickly, her face falling.

‘Will one of you please tell us?’ Lola drawls, ‘the suspense is killing me.’

‘I’ve been assigned to a field unit,’ Aarna says dryly, ‘in New York.’

‘Shit,’ Jane says sadly, ‘I’m sorry Aarna. Maura and I tried. We really did.’

‘I know,’ Aarna says with a sad smile, ‘and I thank you.’

’New York to Boston is only a few hours by car,’ Maura offers with a reassuring smile.

‘Yeah,’ Noemi says quickly, ‘we’ll make it work. We’ll do weekends and half way points. It’ll be fine. Right Mahál?’ The look on her face is so full of raw and blatant hope that Jane wants to wince when Aarna looks away sadly without answering.

‘Well,’ Jane says awkwardly, ‘that wasn’t the happy ending I was going for… so how about I buy us all the biggest chocolate cake they make, huh?’

‘I’m game,’ Maura says with a smile.

‘Sounds perfect,’ Lola adds.

‘If you’re buying,’ Noemi adds, her tone slightly sad as she looks at Aarna. ‘Mahál?’

‘Yeah,’ Aarna says flatly, ‘sounds great.’

The rest of the evening is spent valiantly trying but failing to recover. When Aarna excuses herself to go to the bathroom, Jane takes one look at Noemi’s face and decides to take matters in to her own hands. She follows the other woman, locking the door behind them before rounding on her recruit, ‘what the hell are you doing Dhar?’

‘What do you want Jane?’ Aarna asks slumping forward over the sink.

‘You’re acting like its already over. What gives? I didn’t think you were the type to just roll over and give up.’ Jane shoves Aarna’s shoulder lightly, trying to garner a reaction. Angry Aarna was better than the monotoned person who’d eaten not even half a slice of cake with them.

‘I’m processing Jane. Leave me alone,’ Aarna says in that same monotone voice.

‘Well stop doing it alone. Noemi is dying out there. She just wants to know you’ll be okay,’ Jane urges.

‘Well I don’t know that, do I?’ Aarna whirls around to face Jane her voice laced in anger and pain.

‘Yes you do,’ Jane says rising to the challenge. ‘You know that you two love each other. You know you want to be together. You know you’ll work it out. You just have to give it a chance.’

‘Oh yeah? And what do you know about it?’ Aarna shouts. ‘You don’t know what the future holds.’

‘You wanna be pissed,’ Jane says hotly, ‘fine. Be pissed. But don’t shut her out. She deserves better than that, and so do you. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot before you’ve even started.’

‘I am not shooting myself in the foot. I’m being realistic,’ Aarna retorts, ’we’ll be junior agents on call all the time. Noemi will be up at all hours doing tech things I don’t understand half of and I’ll be in the field running myself ragged.’

‘So you’re just going to give up on the woman you love?’ Jane challenges.

‘What other choice do I have?’ Aarna whispers angrily.

‘I never took you to be a quitter Dhar or one to give in to fear,’ Jane’s voice is laced in sarcasm, ‘but here you are sabotaging yourself before you’ve even tried.’

‘I just don’t want to get hurt,’ Aarna whispers. The anger she’d spoken with earlier is gone, replaced with a jagged kind fear and hurt. ‘I don’t want to lose her and I don’t see how I’ll be able to keep her.’

‘You know how you keep her?’ Jane asks, her tone softened by the pang in her own heart, ‘by talking to her. By trying. Over and over and over again.’

‘Yeah,’ Aarna says but her eyes are a thousand miles away. Jane tries to find another way to get through to her but a knock of the door interrupts her.

‘Aarna?’ Noemi calls softly, ‘can we talk?’

Jane raises an eyebrow at Aarna, who nods. Jane lets the other woman in and excuses herself. Walking away, Jane wonders for the first time, if they would make it after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry for this chapter. My muses heard you wanted a sequel and somehow they have created angst I did not want or plan for. BUT bright side... I, personally, can't leave Noemi and Aarna like this so there will be a sequel. 
> 
> I anticipate this fic ending around 77 chapters. So four more to go!


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was demanding. It required finesse and layers. It is also ridiculously long but I think you all will love it. I hope you all love it. I do.

Christmas eve finds Jane tugging at the hem of her green blouse, adjusting her dress pants while she looks in the mirror. ‘Maura!’ Jane calls, ‘we’re going to be late!’ 

‘No we will not,’ Maura calls down the stairs without appearing, ‘we have plenty of time.’ 

Jane knows she’s right without bothering to look at her watch but it doesn’t stop Jane from sighing anyways. ‘You do know we have to eat before Mass, right?’ Jane calls up the stairs, ‘which means _having time_ to eat?’ 

‘I am aware,’ Maura calls from beyond the top of the stairs. Jane grumbles and begins to walk away when Maura’s voice at the top stops her. ‘Here I am, Jane,’ Maura says teasingly. 

Jane’s jaw drops. Her mouth goes dry. Her eyes drink in every inch of Maura’s frame. Jane drinks in the red and gold of her dress as it moves against the woman’s body, her eyes tracing every line, every curve of her figure as she descends the stairs. Gorgeous. 

‘Thank you,’ Maura whispers, leaning in to press a kiss to Jane’s lips, smelling like Christmas embodied. Jane hadn’t been aware she had spoken aloud. ‘You look gorgeous as well.’ 

Jane seizes the moment. She wraps her arms around Maura and brings their lips together tenderly. Their movements synchronised as Jane moved Maura back towards the wall, her hands traveling the path her eyes had roamed a few moments ago. Jane moves to Maura’s neck, breathing in the perfume she had used. ‘You smell amazing,’ Jane murmurs before trailing tender kisses over the fluttering sensitive skin there. 

‘Jane,’ Maura moans, her own hands finding purchase under Jane’s blouse, ‘we’re going to be late.’ 

‘Nuh-huh,’ Jane murmurs, her mouth moving to just behind Maura’s ear, her breath hot on Maura’s flesh, ‘we have plenty of time.’ 

Maura shudders as Jane’s fingertips trace one of the gold flowers on Maura’s hips. ‘Jane, please?’ Jane’s not sure what she’s begging for Jane to do. It doesn’t matter though, Jane’s hands have decided for her. Jane tugs the hem of Maura’s dress up, her fingers trailing over soft blazing flesh and Jane knows that they will absolutely be arriving late. 

Lola, Noemi and Aarna are already seated and talking when Maura and Jane arrive. Jane shoots Maura a teasing grin and says, ‘sorry, someone takes forever to get ready.’ 

Maura’s eyes twinkle with mischief. For a moment, only a moment, Jane wonders if she’s about to get a snarky comment in return but Maura simply smiles at the group before asking, ‘have you all ordered?’ 

Jane settles into her seat, feeling a sort of relief. Jane wasn’t sure she had the same level of comfort talking about sex in front of Lola as Maura would. A sharp kick to her shin draws Jane’s eyes up to see Noemi and Aarna looking at her with nearly identical raised eyebrows. Jane blushes, shrugs and returns to hiding in her menu. Judging from the chuckles of the pair, they had picked up on precisely what had taken Maura so long. Jane opts not to reappear until the waiter appears to take their order, taking her hiding place with him.

Dinner is oddly quiet. Maura tells the group about their decision to foster which garners a round of congratulations and a series of questions but things lapse into an uneasy quiet quickly. Jane frowns into her wine, her mind observing and analysing faster than Jane could put into words. Both of her recruits held themselves stiffly, as though they weren’t completely at ease with one another. Noemi, who could be called stiff on even the best day, held herself in almost a state of rigour. Her eyes kept drifting to Aarna, a frown tugging on her mouth. It was subtle but present. Aarna, for her part, was lacking her usual charm. If Jane had to describe her, Jane would say she looked defeated. She tried, at times, to engage with her usual ease and comfort but her jokes fell flat and her smile never reached her eyes. Jane resisted the urge to slap both of their heads, sighing into her wine instead. Maura caught her eye and raised an eyebrow. Jane smiled reassuringly but was no less grateful when Maura’s hand found her thigh under the table. Not all endings were happy ones after all, but at least her and Maura’s was. 

Midnight Mass started at 9:30 pm, for which Jane was both amused and grateful. She didn’t have it in her to listen to the liturgy _and_ stay awake at Midnight anymore. Lola leads the small troop into the church, stopping to do the sign of the cross at the holy water. Jane and Noemi follow suit while Aarna and Maura stand off to the side. Lola chooses a pew close to the front, sliding in and turning her attention forward. Aarna follows her, settling somewhat uncomfortably on to the hard wood beside her. Noemi slides in next and if Jane was looking for confirmation that something was wrong, she found it in all the places their bodies did not touch. Jane slides in next, settling into a familiar kind of discomfort beside Noemi. Maura slips in beside her making the whole affair instantly more tolerable.

Lola is fastidious in her observation of the service. Noemi and Jane were a hair's breadth behind the older woman, though far more stiff in their execution of the movements. Aarna tried to keep up, fumbling through the complications of kneeling, standing, chanting and responding while growing increasingly flustered. Maura for her part, mostly observed. Jane could see the delight in her eyes as she catalogued everything, probably analysing ‘this ancient human worship ritual.’ That was Maura. Always learning something. Jane thought it might be a tad ironic to find them all in a church on Christmas eve. One grandmother struggling existentially with her faith, two women who had been raised in the church and were now in homosexual relationships, one Hindu woman who hadn’t ever set foot in a church before, and one science worshipping atheist who thought ‘all religious rituals had interesting anthropological implications.’

They end the service singing ‘Silent Night’ and Jane is pleasantly surprised when Maura’s voice joins hers in the chorus, sounding soft and sweet and like absolute perfection. They say a quiet goodnight and Merry Christmas before heading home. Maura yawns sleepily in the passenger seat as Jane drives. They take the dogs for a brisk last walk before settling in for the evening. 

Maura is already in bed when Jane comes in. Unlike most nights, she is not reading one of the ten giant books on her stand. Instead she’s looking expectantly at Jane. Jane smiles at her, ‘hey you.’ Jane climbs into bed, stretching out beside the doctor who is sitting with her knees pulled up to chest. 

‘Jane,’ Maura begins so seriously that Jane can’t help but to grin, ‘I was thinking.’ 

‘A rare phenomenon indeed,’ Jane teases.

Maura rolls her eyes but presses on, ‘I am really happy we’re spending our first Christmas together.’ 

Jane takes one of Maura’s hands and kisses the back of it tenderly, knowing exactly what Maura meant. Still Jane teased, ‘you are aware that we’ve spent every Christmas together for the last ten years right?’ 

‘That was different,’ Maura insists, the taunt going over her head entirely, ‘we were not together and your family was always there. But this Christmas it is just us, together. We should do something special.’ 

Jane’s first thought is of the small velvet box in her nightstand drawer. The one she intended to give to Maura tomorrow morning. Her second was that she still didn’t know their anniversary date. ‘Yes,’ Jane replies with a smile and a kiss to the inside of Maura’s wrist, ‘but can I ask you something first?’ 

Maura shifts to be laying beside Jane, turning her body so they are face to face. She smiles that fond little smile that Maura only ever smiled at Jane, ‘alright. What is it?’ 

‘Do you know when our anniversary is?’ Jane asks, ‘I keep trying to figure out when we went from being friends to being more than friends and I can’t quite pick a moment.’ 

‘Well I suppose it depends,’ Maura replies softly, ‘which would you prefer, the day I asked you on a date or the day of our first date?’ 

Jane grins, ’yeah but we were already _this_ then. That was like a formality.’ 

Maura shakes her head in amused confusion, ‘I am afraid I do not know what you mean by _this. This_ what?’ 

‘This, Maur.’ Jane says gesturing between them, ‘living together, being all affectionate and couple-y.’ 

‘We’ve always been _this,’_ Maura says with a frown, ‘even in Boston. I know you technically didn’t live with me but it never felt like home without you there.’ 

‘Okay,’ Jane says with a laugh, ‘so we’ve always been naively attracted to each other then?’ 

Maura chuckles, ‘I suppose some would say that.’ Maura captures Jane’s hand pressing a kiss to her knuckle, ‘you are _very_ attractive.’ 

Jane grins, her dimples out in full force, ‘okay so when did it become romantic?’ 

Maura looks at her with a hint of annoyance, ‘are you trying to trick me?’

‘Trick you?’ Jane asks laughing, ’why would I be trying to trick you? I just want to make sure I don’t miss some big anniversary date.’ Silently Jane added, ‘and so that I don’t mess up how long we’ve been dating when I give you my big speech tomorrow.’ 

Maura’s annoyance turned to a frown now, ‘well if our anniversary isn’t when I asked you out and it isn’t our first date, when do _you_ think our anniversary is?’ 

Jane considers the question for a moment, ‘what about the day you told me we were in a committed relationship?’ 

‘Why would that be relev-’ Maura’s mouth pauses mid-sentence. Her face goes blank before forming an ‘O’ shaped mouth.

It’s so comical it brings another laugh from Jane’s lips, ‘what? Did you figure it out? Because that is definitely your solved-it face.’ Jane watches Maura’s face as a million thoughts speed by her. It was a look Jane was well accustomed to. Internally she thought of it as the pinwheel cursor face, it screamed ‘please hold, Doctor Isles will be with you in a moment.’ And Jane would always wait, impatiently at times, but she would always wait for Maura. 

‘Jane?’ Maura whispers her face now looking sufficiently horrified enough to make Jane’s smile falter, ‘I think we may have a problem.’ 

‘Is this a we should talk-talk?’ Jane asks skeptically even as her heart begins to thump faster, ‘should I sit up? Is this a we should sit up thing?’ 

‘No!’ Maura says an arm flying out to hold Jane’s shoulder in place on the bed, ‘don’t sit up. Please?’ 

Jane frowns, ‘Maur you’re really starting to worry me here.’ 

‘I apologise,’ Maura says, ‘I… think….’ Maura pauses, trying to find the right words, ‘we may have had an important miscommunication.’ 

‘Okay…’ Jane says prompting Maura to continue on. When she doesn’t, Jane touches her cheek softly, ‘whatever it is we’ll work through it, together.’ Maura closes her eyes, leaning in to the touch. 

When Maura finds the courage to speak she asks, ’what did you mean, that day, when you said all your coworkers thought we were in a committed relationship?’ 

Jane frowns, this conversation was not going in any predictable direction. ‘Well Davies was surprised I had gone to Paris with you, which I guess is a vaguely romantic city. And then you moved here and we moved in together, which I guess is vaguely couple-y. And then I told him we got dogs together which is definitely couple like. So he thought we were a couple.’ 

‘And is that a…’ Maura hesitates, ‘common synonym? Committed relationships and coupling?’ 

‘Yes?’ Jane ventures, ‘usually when someone says they’re in a committed relationship it means they’re together romantically. Why?’ 

‘And is that how you interpret it?’ Maura asks, her cheeks tinted a beautiful pink. 

‘Well, yeah,’ Jane nods, ‘how else do you interpret committed relationships?’ 

‘A relationship is defined as when two or more people are in a state of connection,’ Maura says in her google mouth tone, ‘and a commitment is when you have made a pledge, promise or other verbal or written contract to a person or cause. So a committed relationship would be two or more people in a state of connection who have made a pledge, promise or contract with one another.’ 

Jane blinks twice. ‘Well that was technical but yeah. That’s the idea of it. Two people promising to be with each other.’ 

‘Jane,’ Maura’s eyes seem to grow watery, ‘there’s nothing that specifies the type of relationship. Romantic, platonic, or otherwise or even the type of commitment they share.’ 

Understanding comes over Jane slowly. Like the world's slowest moving monster truck. It punches hard, leaving Jane staggered, ‘so when you said committed relationship?’ 

‘I meant two people in a _platonic_ relationship with a variety of pledges between them,’ Maura acknowledges. Silence stretches between them. ’Jane?’ 

‘So we weren’t dating before labor day?’ Jane asks again, not sure what she’s feeling. 

‘No,’ Maura says gently, ‘Jane? Are you alright?’ 

‘So when I started hugging you from behind?’ Jane asks numbly, ‘what did you think was happening?’ 

Maura takes a steadying breath, ‘you were so uncomfortable with being in a committed relationship with me. I thought… well… I thought you were afraid of commitment.. I just wanted to make you comfortable so when you seemed to embrace it both physically and metaphorically I could not question it. I did not want to. I wanted you to feel natural again.’ 

Jane groans, ‘so ‘do what feels natural’ wasn’t your way of easing me into a physical relationship?’ 

‘No,’ Maura affirms, ‘did you think I had some long term plan to coerce you into a relationship?’

‘No? Yes? Maybe?’ Jane throws an elbow over her eyes, ‘you usually know everything first. I assumed you knew better than I did about what was happening between us and I just… followed your lead.’ 

‘You followed my lead?’ Maura asks. Jane can hear her eyebrows raising in skepticism from across the bed. ‘You mean you just let me tell you we were in a romantic relationship without any regard for what you wanted?’ 

Jane does her best to shrug while laying down and hiding in her elbow, ‘you usually know me pretty well so I just… I assumed you’d already figured out how I felt and decided on the best course of action.’ 

‘You thought,’ Maura asks again this time her voice is laced with amusement, ‘that I know you so well, I am able to know what you want before you do and then decided to make a life changing alteration without your input or opinion and you just _trusted me?’_

‘I mean that basically describes our relationship Maura,’ Jane says in her own defence, ‘you tell me I’ll like zucchini and I end up loving it. You tell me I need dogs and I end up loving them. So when you told me we were in a relationship, I knew I’d just end up loving you.’ 

‘That is the most illogical, ill-advised,’ Maura begins her voice shaking, ‘and sweetest thing you have ever said to me.’ A giggle bursts from her lips as she tugs Jane’s elbow away, her body hovering over Jane. ‘And do you?’ 

‘Do I what?’ Jane asks grumpily, feeling as though the tables had somehow been turned on her. She still can’t stop her fingers from tucking an errant bit of hair behind Maura’s ear.

‘Love me?’ Maura asks with a cheeky grin that brings out the green in her eyes and the dimple on her cheek. 

Jane can’t help the small gasp of air that escapes her lips when Maura asks her _that_ while looking at her like _that_. Jane’s answer is reverent and instantaneous, ‘more than anything.’ Maura’s lips find hers in a tender embrace. When Maura pulled away it was almost enough to distract Jane. Almost. ‘I can’t believe you told me we were in a committed relationship before we started actually dating,’ Jane teases. 

‘I can’t believe you let me tell you we were in a committed relationship without your input,’ Maura teases back softly. Jane chuckles, her hands roaming Maura’s back. Maura speaks shyly, ‘so are we okay?’ 

Jane’s eyes open wide, ‘yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?’ 

‘Because I mislead you and you believed we’ve been together longer than we have been?’ Maura ventures. 

‘Are we still in a committed relationship?’ Jane asks, then with a mischievous grin she adds, ‘the romantic kind.’ 

‘Yes,’ Maura says confidently. 

‘Rude,’ Jane teases, ‘not even going to ask me?’ Maura sputters, blushing. Jane pulls her in for a kiss. Just before their lips connect Jane whispers, ‘that’s okay though I like it when you tell me what to do.’ So Maura does just that. 

* * *

Christmas morning comes quietly for Jane and Maura, even the dogs seem content to sleep in. When Maura does begin to stir, it’s with a calm kind of anticipation. Maura had plans for the two of them and she couldn’t wait to do it all with Jane. Maura sneaks away, letting the dogs out while she pours the coffee. Maura lets the dogs in, grabs the mugs and her present for Jane from it’s hiding place in her office. Jane is just stirring as Maura returns. 

‘Mornin’ Jane mumbles towards Maura as Maura places the coffee on Jane’s nightstand. 

‘Good morning and Merry Christmas Jane,’ Maura whispers, pressing a kiss to Jane’s temple. ‘I have your present if you’d like to open it.’ 

‘Present?’ Jane asks sitting up and suddenly sounding very awake, ‘yeah. I have yours right - hey you brought me coffee. Best present ever!’

Settling on to the bed, Maura chuckles, ‘that’s not your present silly.’ Maura holds up the neatly wrapped box, ‘this is your present.’ Jane’s eyes linger a moment longer on her nightstand but excitement over the unknown wins out over her coffee. Jane holds out an expectant hand. Maura passes the box over but only after getting a good morning kiss first. 

Jane unwraps presents with the same zeal she attacked her mother’s lasagna, savagely and efficiently. In the space of time it took Maura to take a single sip of her coffee, Jane had torn the paper clear off. She groans when all she sees is a white box. Maura laughs. Jane opens the box’s flaps dumping out another wrapped present. 

‘You layered it?’ Jane says looking up at Maura with obvious delight. 

‘It seemed prudent,’ Maura acknowledges, ‘given your love of unwrapping.’ Jane beams at her before tearing in again. She pulls out a thinner box, also wrapped and her smile widens. Jane rips it open pulling out a mailed envelope. 

‘Oh,’ Jane says with false cheer, ‘a bill, just what I’ve always wanted!’ 

Maura hums amusedly, sipping her coffee as Jane opens the flap and pulls out the letter. She begins reading aloud, making Maura smile into her cup. She knew what the letter said but hearing it read in Jane’s voice was something else entirely. 

‘To Doctor Isles and Agent Rizzoli,’ Jane begins, ‘it is my great pleasure to inform you that your application to become foster parents has been _accepted_.’ Jane stops there to look at Maura with watery eyes, ‘we’re gonna be parents?’ 

Maura smiles, her own eyes surprisingly wet, ‘yes we are. We still have to do a few home visits but Nia has promised to help us move through the process quickly. We could have a child placement before Valentine’s day.’ 

Jane stares at the letter, ‘we’re going to be parents.’ Her voice is quiet and awed. Maura watches Jane in that moment. Her eyes sparkling, her hair an uncontrollable disaster, the sun bouncing off her olive skin. Maura drinks it all in, knowing this would be a moment she wanted to remember forever. The moment they found out they would be parents. Together. ‘Can we frame this?’ Jane asks, her voice cracking in emotion. 

‘Absolutely,’ Maura agrees readily, not bothering to mention she’d already bought the frame and chosen a spot in the living room for it. 

Jane sets the letter aside carefully, ‘I have my gift for you too. In my drawer but I kind of have a speech planned before I give it to you. Is that okay?’ Maura can’t help the laugh that springs from her lips when she sees Jane’s face flushing. 

‘Oh this must be very serious,’ Maura teases. Maura puts her coffee cup down beside Jane’s, ‘alright I am listening.’ 

Jane switches positions, crossing her legs and leaning forward to take Maura’s hands in her own. ‘Maura Dorthea Isles,’ Jane begins, the gravel in her voice lending a kind of seriousness to the moment, ‘I had no idea the moment I met you how much you would come to mean to me. I thought you were some snobby, elitist woman who really needed to keep her nose out of my business. But you haven’t. You are constantly butting into my life and changing things around and forcing me to do things I don’t like.’ 

Maura felt her eyebrows raise, her tone hovering somewhere between annoyed and amused when she spoke, ‘this is not the speech I thought you had in mind Jane.’ 

‘Shush,’ Jane says, squeezing her hands affectionately, ‘you’re always there Maura. For my family. When they need a place to stay or help with God knows what. You’re there. That goes double for me. Most of the time, you’re there for me before I even knew I needed you. You make us eat healthier, you make us exercise more, but the thing you have changed the most? You make us happier. You make _me_ happier. The last four months have been the happiest of my life even with your sister getting kidnapped.’ Jane pauses, ‘that sounded a lot better when we had been dating for longer but it’s still true. Being in a _romantically_ committed relationship with you is the best thing that has ever happened. And I know the next year is going to have some difficulty. I know parenting isn’t going to be easy but I need you to know, there’s no one I’d rather be doing this with.’ Jane releases Maura’s hands before bringing out a velvet box with a red bow on top. ‘This,’ Jane wiggles the box, ‘belonged to my Ma’s, Ma. She gave it to me when I was 18. I think she wanted me to wear it on my wedding day but I don’t think she’d mind if you were the one wearing it.’ Maura’s heart seems to flutter at the sight of it. Her mouth goes dry and her hands begin shaking. Jane pushes the box into Maura’s hands, her own fingers trembling. 

Maura’s heart seems to be exploding as her fingers find the seam of the box, gently prying it open. Maura’s eyes grow wet as she stares at it’s contents. Inside is not the engagement ring she had expected. Instead, Maura stares down at a gorgeous pair of earrings cut in a pear shape. ‘They’re beautiful,’ Maura says, trying to convey a sense of excitement rather than disappointment. ‘Thank you Jane.’ Maura leans forward to kiss Jane softly, hiding the tears threatening to fall. 

‘Do you like them?’ Jane asks when Maura pulls away. ‘I know you always said you didn’t like diamonds that couldn’t be traced to sustainable and ethically sourced mines.’ 

‘They’re lovely,’ Maura whispers staring at them. And they were. They simply weren’t what her heart wanted, ‘and I think as they are a family heirloom, we can overlook their history.’ 

Jane beams, ‘good because I was kind of hoping you’d want to wear them on our wedding day.’ 

Maura closes the box gently. Maybe Jane hadn’t proposed to her but there was still a promise in her gift. The promise of a future proposal. Of a future wedding. And Maura would happily wear these earrings then. ‘I’d be happy to,’ Maura whispers pressing a kiss to Jane’s cheek, ‘whenever you’d like.’ 

Jane smiles, ‘should we go help the girls unwrap their presents?’ 

Maura chuckles but permits Jane to lead her to the tree. They had sufficiently spoiled the dogs, the tree overflowed with new toys, new dog beds, and in Jane’s case, a new pair of tactical backpacks for their walks so the dogs could ‘carry their own poop’. Maura had been skeptical of that particular gift until Jane wrestled Boston into one of the backpacks and then gave Maura a look that screamed ‘I dare you to say she isn’t adorable.’ Maura conceded the point then. Maura is certain they’ve gotten all the presents under the tree and in their stockings and is gathering up the torn paper when Jane murmurs, ‘hey we missed one.’ Maura glances to where Jane is pointing and sees an oblong box under the tree addressed to her. 

Maura unwraps it while Jane plays with the dogs, pulling on Boston’s toy with her left hand and on Berry’s with her right. Another velvet box. Maura smiles at Jane, opening it to find a beautifully matching necklace for her earrings. ‘It’s lovely Jane,’ Maura says, pressing a kiss to Jane’s cheek. Jane releases both toys, seizing Maura around the waist and tugging her into Jane’s lap on the floor. Maura giggles as she falls, confident in Jane’s ability to catch her. 

‘That one is definitely sustainably sourced. I made sure,’ Jane says nuzzling her neck gently. 

Maura laughs, ‘well thank you for confirming.’ 

‘And it matches,’ Jane says proudly.

‘I can see,’ Maura says with another giggle, ‘you did very well Jane.’ 

‘Yeah?’ Jane asks, ‘because I’ve never bought jewellery for another woman before and I wasn’t sure if you would want big and extravagant or simple and elegant or something else entirely.’ 

‘I love that it matches your grandmother’s earrings and I can think of at least a dozen outfits it would accessorise well with,’ Maura says earnestly. 

‘Only a dozen,’ Jane whines, ‘you have like a million outfits and that will only go with twelve of them?’ 

Maura laughs again, her head thrown back, ‘alright, perhaps a few dozen.’ 

‘I suppose that’s better,’ Jane grumbles. ‘So you really like it?’ 

‘Yes,’ Maura affirms with a kiss to Jane’s lips, ‘you did well.’ 

Jane lets out a breath of relief, ‘it was mostly Claire.’ 

‘Who is Claire?’ Maura asks curiously. 

‘My new jewellery person. She helped me restore my grandmother’s earrings and design a necklace that matched them well,’ Jane says dutifully. ‘I had to show her a bunch of photos of you and your style but I think we got it right.’ 

Maura smiles, ‘you, and Claire, did beautifully.’ 

‘Thanks,’ Jane says beaming. ‘I just wanted to try and get you something as beautiful as you.’ 

‘I think you succeeded,’ Maura says, twisting to straddle Jane’s lap, wrapping her legs around her waist. Maura presses their lips together, offering her praise in an alternative form. Jane accepts it happily, tugging Maura impossibly closer. 

They’re just at the precipice of desire and arousal when Berry joins the fray, attempting to slather both women in wet doggy kisses. Jane closes her eyes and mouth and accepts it happily while Maura rolls screeching away. Boston sensing an opportunity to play, attempts to pin Maura to the ground and cover her in her own wet smelly dog kisses, eliciting peals of laughter and breathy, half hearted ‘no, Boston! Stop!’ By the time the vicious dog attack has ended, Maura’s core is sore from laughing so hard and her hair has one awkwardly licked wet spot on it. 

The rest of the day is spent in a similarly happy way. They make breakfast together, Jane snagging blueberries from the bowl while Maura makes the pancake mix. They go for a walk together, both dogs looking adorable in their backpacks, even if they were only going to the dog park. Berry carried hers with pride, her tail held jauntily aloft the whole walk. Boston, however, sulked until they took it off at the park and then again all the way home, her tail tucked between her legs. They watch Christmas movies while snuggling on the couch, laughing often. All in all, Maura would call their first Christmas together as a couple a success. Jane finishes getting ready for bed first, leaving Maura to finish in the bathroom. When Maura walks out, she finds Jane sitting cross legged on their bed in her BPD hoodie and a pair of light blue snowflake pants. She looks expectantly at Maura. 

‘Jane?’ Maura asks, smiling fondly at Jane. ‘You look cozy,’ Maura says. 

‘When my mother asks,’ Jane begins, ‘please don’t tell her that I was in my lazy pyjamas and you were nude under a robe, okay?’ Jane asks. 

‘Why would your mother ask about our sleepwear?’ Maura asks playfully as she walks over to turn off the overhead light. 

‘Believe me,’ Jane says with emphasis, ‘she’s going to ask.’ Jane lets out a deep breath, ‘I have one more gift for you Maur.’ 

Maura freezes her hand on the knob of the lights, ‘you do?’ She asks lightly. 

‘Yeah,’ Jane says softly, ‘and I’ve been looking for the perfect moment to give it to you. It was all I could think about today, actually. I wanted to give it to you when you brought me coffee and again when you told me we were going to be parents. I wanted to give it to you when you were in my lap laughing, and when I stole that blueberry and you swatted my hand or when you threw that snowball at me at the dog park. I wanted to give it to you when we were on the couch and you ate all the popcorn even though you always say you won’t. Or when you were singing Christmas carols in the kitchen while we were making dinner. I wanted to ask you when you were brushing your teeth.’ 

Maura didn’t miss that slip up. She couldn’t. Maura’s heart thundered, Maura was glued to her spot, unable to turn around. ‘Give it to me or ask me?’ 

‘Both,’ Jane sounds sheepish, ‘it’s a gift with a question and if you’re not ready, that’s totally okay. And if you want to get a different gift because you don’t like this one that’s okay too.’ Silence stretches between them, anticipation making the air between them both electric and heavy. At last, Jane asks, ‘are you going to turn around?’ 

‘Jane?’ Maura asks, her voice quivering, ‘when I turn are you going to be holding what I think you are holding?’ 

‘Only if you want me to be,’ Jane replies solemnly. ‘Do you want me to be?’ 

‘Yes,’ Maura replies immediately. 

‘Even if I’m only wearing my BPD hoodie and my snowflake pants and you’re nude under your robe and there aren’t any candles or champagne or any of the other super romantic things that are supposed to be part of it?’ Jane asks, babbling slightly in her nerves. 

‘Yes,’ Maura replies again more confidently. ‘So long as it is you asking, I don’t care about anything else.’ 

‘So why are you still facing the wall?’ Jane asks in a teasing lilt. 

Maura closes her eyes, takes a breath, and turns to find Jane holding a velvet box, opened this time, with a ring in it’s cushions. Maura sees only that it is a ring before she looks up in to Jane’s eyes. They’re shimmering in the evening light. Her dimples are out but in the relaxed way that told Maura that Jane was happy. Completely and totally. Maura commits it all to memory. Maura moves to Jane. She sinks to the mattress beside Jane, folding her own legs underneath her. 

‘So,’ Jane murmurs softly, her eyes never leaving Maura’s, ‘Maura Dorthea Isles, will you do me the honour of being in a _romantically_ committed relationship with me for the rest of our lives?’ 

‘Yes,’ Maura replies, her voice cracking with emotion. She reaches toward her own nightstand bringing out a red velvet box, ‘because I already knew you would want to marry me.’ Maura opens the box for Jane to show a simple platinum band that was absent of any stones. Maura had opted for sleek and simple promising herself she’d buy Jane something fancier if she wanted it later. ‘Though,’ Maura says softly, ‘I suppose I should _actually_ ask you. Will you marry me Jane? Because I want to spend the rest of my life ‘butting’ into your business and being there for you and your family. I want to make you love zucchini and eggplant and tortoises and dogs. I want to be the one who knows what you need before you do. But mostly I want to have the privilege of loving you for the rest of our lives. So say yes?’ 

Jane’s smile is watery but she nods, ‘yes, Maura. Of course! How did you know? How do you always know?’ 

Maura’s laugh is born of high emotion, ‘I knew the day you flew to New York. I just didn’t know when.’ Maura passes the box to Jane, ‘I bought this the day after you left New York. I carried it everywhere I went, all across the country, just waiting to ask you to marry me.’ 

Jane shakes her head, her eyes full of amazement, ‘God I love you Maur.’ 

‘I love you too, Jane,’ Maura replies. 

Jane stares at both rings in her hands. ‘I can’t believe we’re getting married and having kids,’ she whispers in a kind of awed confession. 

Maura moves to wrap her arms around Jane, pressing a kiss to her cheek, ‘We have plenty of time, okay?’ 

Jane looks up to grin at her, ‘are you kidding? I can’t wait to do all of this with you.’ 

Maura beams back before teasing, ‘are you going to give me my ring or will you wear them both?’ 

Jane laughs, offering the box to Maura. The ring is beautiful, simple and sleek, its stones flush with the band. It was a comment she had made offhand years ago while doing an autopsy, that Jane should inform any potential suitors that large stones were the doctors personal nightmare. The inlaid diamonds were in the same pear cut as her necklace and earrings. Realisation dawned on Maura, her voice is awed as she whispers, ‘you layered it?’ 

Jane laughs, ‘I did. I hope you weren’t too disappointed with the earrings earlier. You looked devastated.’ 

Maura feels the lump in her throat, ‘they weren’t what I was expecting, certainly.’ 

‘And now?’ Jane prompts, pressing her own cheek to Maura’s teary cheek. 

‘I love them. All of them.’ Maura removes the ring, slipping it on her finger. Jane follows her lead, slipping her own ring on. Maura gulps back a fresh wave of tears as she sees Jane’s engagement ring finally sitting where it had belonged all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you have not seen, I have also begun posting Baby Rizzles. :)


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: sadness ahead. 
> 
> The muses get what the muses want. And the muses want heartache. I am sorry.

The day after Christmas finds Jane and Maura in Home Depot looking at paint colours, arguing. Not over colour. In fact, Jane had yielded entirely on the colour choice. She trusted Maura’s colour choice implicitly. Jane’s problem was that Maura wanted to hire painters.

‘Why would we hire someone to do something we can do in a couple of hours Maura?’ Jane asks, irritated.

‘Because they can do it faster and better,’ Maura shoots back, ‘we have the money. Why would we not hire a professional to do it?’

Jane huffs. ‘It isn’t about the money. If it was any other room, I’d say sure. Whatever. But not this one.’ Maura blinks at her, an eyebrow raised in question. Jane takes a steadying breath, ‘this is our kids room. It should be us painting it. You know?’

Maura’s eyes open wide, ‘you’re nesting?’

‘What?’ Jane cries her voice raising an octave or several, ‘I am not. I’m just saying there are some things you have to do for yourself. Painting your kids room for the first time is one of them.’ Maura’s eyes go soft, her face relaxing. Jane senses victory and lunges for it. ‘I just want to be able to tell them, whoever they are, that we painted it for them. Not Bob the painter. You and Me.’

Maura lets out an exaggerated sigh without any real weight behind it. ‘How many galleons will we need?’ Jane beams and then promptly fakes her way through the rest of her answers. She’d never painted a room in her life but she understood the principles. A couple of tarps, a couple of roller brushes, and a couple of hours of work. A small fortune later and they loaded down the back of the car with every conceivable paint supply. That evening they worked together to clear the room of all the furniture, storing it in what had been Jane’s room and would become the guest room. They laid down the tarps, put up painters tape and went to bed expecting to start painting the next morning.

They’re 3/4ths of the way through one cream coloured wall and both mildly coated in paint when the doorbell rings followed quickly by Boston and Berry barking. The girls had been banished downstairs while Jane and Maura worked. ‘I got it,’ Jane says with a smile at Maura who was painstakingly outlining the trim.

‘Hurry back,’ Maura says teasingly, a look of adoration in her eyes.

Jane checks for dripping paint before hurrying down the stairs. She whistles the dogs aside and peeks through the door. Noemi Baccay is standing on her doorstep and judging from the look on her face, it wasn’t with happy news. Jane takes a steadying breath before opening the door. ‘Noie,’ Jane says with a grin. The girl flinches at the nickname. Jane makes a mental note and says, ‘this is a surprise. Come on in.’

Noemi steps in bending to greet the dogs, burying her face in Berry’s fur. Jane steps back to the stairs and shouts up, ‘hey Maur. Noemi is here. Let’s take a break.’

‘Be down in a minute,’ Maura calls. Jane nods and walks toward the kitchen, trusting Noemi to follow when she was ready. Jane washes off the worst of the paint before assembling supplies for tea and coffee. Something told her Noemi could use the comfort. Noemi shows before Maura does, barely.

‘I’m sorry for just dropping in on you like this,’ Noemi says quietly, ‘I just didn’t know where else to go.’

Jane frowns but Maura beats her to the punch, ‘nonsense. You’re family Noemi. You’re always welcome.’ Maura smiles genuinely. She rests a hand on Noemi’s sling free forearm, ‘want to tell us what happened?’

Noemi is silent for so long Jane wants to use her instructor's voice to tell Noemi to report already. Instead she makes herself busy with Maura’s overcomplicated coffee press. At long last Noemi speaks, ‘Aarna left this morning.’

‘Left?’ Jane asks, confused. ‘Left where?’

Noemi sighs, ‘for New York. She said her superior contacted her. Asked her to on-board early.’

‘Oh,’ Jane says. It wasn’t outside of the realm of possibility but it didn’t explain the bleak look on Noemi’s face. ‘Do you not believe her?’

‘No,’ Noemi says sadly, ‘I do. It’s just…’ Noemi trails off. ‘It’s like she’s trying to get me to break up with her.’

‘What makes you say that?’ Maura asks, glancing at Jane with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

‘She’s been distant. Sad.’ Noemi acknowledges, ‘she refuses to talk to me about it and when I ask about our assignments or try to make plans for when we’ll talk or see each other she won’t commit to anything. It’s like she’s…’

‘Self-sabotaging?’ Jane asks wryly, shaking her head sadly.

‘Yeah,’ Noemi agrees.

Jane sets a cup of coffee in front of Noemi and a cup of tea in front of Maura. ‘That’s because she is,’ Jane offers.

‘Why?’ Noemi asks, her voice brimming with emotion.

‘Because she’s an idiot,’ Jane says bluntly.

‘Jane!’ Maura says rebukingly. ‘She is not unintelligent. She is afraid. Of hurting and being hurt.’

‘But I don’t want to hurt her,’ Noemi says sadly, ‘I want to be with her. I want to make her happy.’

‘Yup,’ Jane says sadly, ‘and she’s hurting both of you by fighting that. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do if she’s set on ruining the relationship.’

‘So what do I do?’ Noemi asks, looking for the first time since Jane had met her, like a truly young adult. Barely more than a child, really.

Jane looks at Maura, hoping she had better advice than Jane did, at least on the love front. Maura gave Jane a small smile before speaking, ‘you decide where your boundaries are, how you expect her to treat you. Then you call her on it. See if she can rise to meet your expectations.’

Noemi slouches forward resting her head on her uninjured arm in a sad kind of pout, ‘and if she can’t or won’t?’

Maura sighs sadly, ‘then you stick to your boundaries. You are deserving of love and respect Noemi.’

‘Aarna would agree,’ Jane says quietly, ‘if she pulled her head out of her ass long enough. She’d tell you that you deserve better.’

‘I don’t want better,’ Noemi mutters darkly, a few tears trickling, ‘I want her.’

‘I know sweetie,’ Maura says as she rubs Noemi’s back in areassuring gesture that made Jane smile. She loved seeing maternal Maura.

Jane gave them a few moments to feel and process. When she had deemed it enough she stood and said, ‘come on Noemi, we’ve got a room to paint. You can help.’

Noemi looks at her balefully and Jane thinks she might refuse but then she nods and follows Jane numbly. Jane gives her a change of clothes before setting her up to paint the trim with her uninjured arm. Jane and Maura take up rollers and together they paint until Noemi’s shoulders droop from weariness rather than sadness. After a fairly muted takeout dinner, Jane sends Noemi to bed in the guest room.

‘Noemi,’ Maura calls softly as the girl makes to leave, ‘we’re here if you need anything. Even if it’s just to talk. I meant what I said about you being family.’ Noemi swallows hard, her eyes wet. Noemi nods her head curtly before disappearing.

When the woman is safely out of earshot, Jane moves to Maura in a rare display of vulnerability. She straddles Maura’s lap, wrapping her arms around the woman and lets herself feel sad. ‘I hate that they’re hurting like this.’ Jane buries her face in Maura’s neck, inhaling the scent of Maura’s shampoo.

Maura, for her part, wraps her arms fiercely around Jane and holds her tight. ‘Me too,’ Maura murmurs, ‘I wish there was something we could do.’

Jane shakes her head softly, ‘thisone is on Aarna.’ Jane lets out a deep breath, taking in more of Maura. ‘I’m so grateful for you Maura,’ Jane pulls away to look into fragile hazel eyes, ‘you’re… I just...’ Jane struggles to find her words. ‘I don’t ever want to do life without you. You’re… you’re my everything. Okay?’

Maura’s smile twinkles in her eyes, ‘I love you too Jane. And I’ll be here for as long as you want me to be.’

‘Forever,’ Jane says quickly and emphatically. ‘I want you here forever. Okay?’

Maura gives Jane a soft, pleased look, ‘okay. Forever then. I’ll be here for forever.’ The kiss they exchange is tender, sweet, conveying a million emotions and the only promise that mattered.

* * *

Noemi doesn’t return to the dorm room she and Aarna shared until she absolutely has to pack. Even then, Jane had come with her. Officially, Jane came because packing with one arm in a sling was difficult to impossible. Tacitly, though, Jane came as Noemi’s support and Noemi couldn’t be more grateful. Her heart aches at the obvious absence of Aarna. Noemi doesn’t know when it had happened but home wasn’t where her things were anymore. It was wherever Aarna was.

Noemi spends her last day in DC with her Lola. She tells her Lola about Aarna leaving early, she doesn’t elaborate on their relational struggles. Her Lola might be tentatively accepting Noemi’s relationship status but seeking advice from her Lola about it made Noemi shudder.

As Noemi, Jane and Maura loaded up the last of Noemi’s boxes, Lola brought out a large cooler. Noemi didn’t need to glance inside to know there was lumpia, pancit, and some of her grandmother’s cookies if she was really lucky. The food of her childhood, of home. Noemi wasn’t sure who had a harder time not crying, her or her Lola. Noemi squeezes her grandmother tightly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Her grandmother chatters at her in Tagalog and English about taking care of herself and being smart and putting the lumpia straight into the freezer. Noemi had to chuckle at that. Food and care always went hand in hand in her Lola’s world. And then they’re off.

Jane drives the small Uhaul while Maura, Noemi and the dogs follow in Maura’s car. It’s a pleasant drive for the most part. Except for the two hours they spend crossing New York. Noemi can’t help but to wonder where Aarna is. Whether she was liking it. If she was happy. She looks for Aarna in every passing face until her heart is wrung out. Noemi isn’t sure if she is grateful to leave the city limits or sad. Aarna was in there somewhere. Just outside of her grasp and that thought was as tantalising as it was exhausting.

They arrive in Boston to a small Rizzoli and Rizzoli related army waiting to help unload the car. Noemi and Maura had agreed that Noemi could rent a room from Maura in her Boston home in exchange for sharing house care taking duty with Angela. Noemi had thought that perhaps Maura was being overly generous but then Jane had said how much her Ma was looking forward to having a roommate again and Noemi had seen the price of rentals in Boston and she decided to accept the offer. Noemi didn’t know what Aarna was doing or how she was affording New York rent. Noemi sighed. If she had time to think about Aarna she had time to unpack her things in the room Maura had cleared for her.

Dinner is a noisy affair with the Rizzoli’s. There’s too many carbs,, too much wine, and never any-[rice. Laughter and boisterous voices were a given and over Thanksgiving when Aarna had been at her side, it had been a happy thing. Now Noemi felt overwhelmingly sad. Noemi was grateful when Maura gave her an excuse to escape by asking her to walk the dogs. Noemi returned only when the cold in the air became unbearable on her arm. All of the non-residents had gone home by then and Noemi was thankful for the quiet.

‘Thank you for the dinner Angela,’ Noemi says with a smile, ‘and for the help moving. If you all don’t mind, I’m going to head to bed. I need to rest my arm.’ It was the wrong thing to say.

Maura is on her in an instant, wearing what Noemi had begun to associate with her Doctor face. Her hands give Noemi a gentle but thorough examination. ‘You shouldn’t have stayed out so long Noemi,’ Maura says in a soft rebuke, ‘the cold will aggravate your injury.’

‘You’re probably right,’ Noemi says smiling at her friend, ‘I’ll go take a warm shower and be good as new.’

Maura frowns but nods as she finishes her examination, ‘let me know if it still hurts in the morning, we can do some exercises to help.’

Noemi nods, offers a good night to the room and disappears into the quiet of her new room. She sinks slowly onto the bed and lets the tears fall hard and fast at last. Her last cognisant thought is that she really wished Aarna was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much where we are leaving Noemi and Aarna's story FOR NOW. I hate it. 
> 
> ALSO before anyone yells at me... there's a reason why no one has noticed Maura/Jane's rings yet and you'll have to wait to find out until the next chapter.


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happy fluff I've written here!

New Years is loud and happy, the Rizzoli family and friends having shown up for brunch and a delayed Christmas. Frankie and Nina show up wearing matching elf Christmas pyjamas that make Maura laugh when she sees them. Frankie with his pants too short and his boyish grin are a sight to behold. Nina catches Maura’s eye and winks. Tommy and TJ show up next wearing ugly Christmas sweaters. TJ’s has Rudolph on it, complete with a glowing nose that he proudly demonstrates to Maura. Kiki and Vince show up in their own Christmas sweaters, though only Vince’s could truly be called ugly. Hope and Cailin are hot on their heels, Cailin in a snow woman onesie and Hope looking lovely in green. Constance arrives well after brunch, pressing kisses to Maura’s cheek while she chatters about her flight. Maura can’t help smiling at the odd sight of their family. Jane’s overly familiar, overly loud, wild side intermingling with Maura’s overly refined and emotionally reserved side with plenty of alcohol to go along. 

Maura sees Jane snag TJ, whispering conspiratorially in his ear, planting the first seeds. Maura grins when she sees the boy’s smile widen, a big white toothy thing. His eyes twinkle and he nods earnestly. Maura glances at her watch. 11:45 am. Jane winks at Maura and wanders away from her nephew. Maura watches TJ a moment longer as he seems to consider what to do. In the end, Boston begging for attention wins out and he runs away, shrieking happily as she chases after him. 

Maura spins from conversation to conversation, her eyes tracking TJ as he plays. At some point, Maura notices Jane doing the same thing. Jane catches her eye and shoots her a quick wink before turning back to her brothers. The first crack comes in the form of Nina Holiday. She and TJ are colouring together when she looks sharply up at Maura. She arches one eyebrow and subtly wiggles her ring finger. Maura grins, nodding surreptitiously, before putting a finger to her lips. Nina beams at her but accepts with a nod. Maura is not at all surprised that her future sister in law had figured it out first. 

Tommy finds out next. Barreling in to Jane with a teary eyed hug. Maura receives the same treatment with only a little more forewarning. Jane ushers Tommy away, urging him to play along. Maura sees Nina chuckling in the corner. After that things begin to blur together. Frankie and Cailin find out during a round of candy land, Frankie punching Jane in congratulations and Cailin gives Maura a crushing hug. Vince bursts into tears and Maura thinks the big sobs might give the game away but Kiki is ushering him out before anything more can come out. If Jane happens to disappear for a little bit after that and if she happens to come back with wet eyes and a pleased look, Maura would pretend otherwise, for her. 

When only Hope, Constance and Angela remain the other adults begin taking bets on who will find out first. Angela was the heavy favourite, given that TJ was her grandson. Hope was a distant second, only Jane and Cailin putting their money on her. No one, not even Maura, expects it to be Constance. Constance just wasn’t good with kids. Of course, no one was counting on TJ being good with adults. Their secret bubbles from his little lips just after 2 pm as he reaches past Constance for a snack. Constance looks up to find 8 pairs of adult eyes watching her and she promptly bursts into peals of laughter. 

In true Rizzoli fashion, Jane promptly raises the stakes. Terms are laid out and sides are taken. Jane, Tommy, Nina, and Vince are team Angela. Maura, Cailin, Kiki and Frankie are team Hope. Constance agrees to be the impartial juror. Then it is on. 

Jane and Nina propose cookie making, much to TJ’s excitement. Maura glares at Jane. It backfires spectacularly when Angela opts out, having cooked that morning, leaving Jane and Nina to supervise the act. When the first threads of TJ’s attention seem to waiver, Frankie and Cailin begin a game of hide and seek, Cailin miraculously using Hope as a hiding place. Jane groans, a speck of flour adorning her cheek as she rolls out the dough. Maura can’t help the smug grin any more than she can help the fondness she feels for that flour covered face. Things escalate from there. Tommy puts on a movie and all but throws TJ into his grandmother’s lap. Kiki begins a very loud conversation about weddings with Hope, who looks vaguely uncomfortable. 

By dinner time, things between the teams are borderline hostile. The competition comes between couples and siblings alike. Maura isn’t sure what would happen if TJ didn’t break over dinner. Her family might very well riot. Maura considers calling it off but the thought of Jane’s smug tone asking if she was ‘giving up’ kept playing in her head. Maura has never seen pizza slices passed with so much passive aggressive angst. And then, at 6:38 pm, and straight from the mouths of babes. 

‘Auntie Maura?’ TJ asks innocently, ‘will you have pizza at the wedding or lasagna?’ The table freezes. 

Angela’s head whips up, her eyes darting from Maura to Jane. Maura, feeling a tad like a deer in the headlights, gulps. 

‘Pizza,’ Jane says confidently, breaking the silence, ‘definitely having pizza at our wedding.’

‘Your wedding?’ Angela whispers. 

Hope smiles warmly at Maura and it gives her the courage to speak at last, ‘yes our wedding.’ 

‘Uh-oh,’ TJ says, his face looking crestfallen, ‘I’m sorry Auntie Janie. I told and I wasn’t supposed to.’ 

This startles a laugh from the table. ‘Actually, buddy’ Jane says, walking around and giving the boy a hug, ‘you were supposed to. We were playing a game. We wanted you to be the one to tell everyone that Maura and I are engaged.’ 

‘You did?’ TJ asks with a sniffle. 

At the same time, Angela says ‘engaged?’ 

‘Yeah, buddy,’ Jane says ruffling his hair and placing a kiss on his head, ‘you did great.’ Her eyes don’t leave her mother. 

‘Is this for real?’ Angela asks, the whole table hanging on her every word. 

‘Yeah, Ma,’ Jane replies, her own voice thick with emotion, ‘we proposed on Christmas.’ Jane fishes out her ring, showing it to the table. Maura does the same. 

‘You both proposed?’ Angela asks, still in a state of shock. She accepts both rings. She holds them all there in animated suspense before she lets out a happy kind of squeal. ‘My babies are engaged!’ The table cheers then and official congratulations are offered. Constance calls the bet, officially, a tie. 

Angela, true to form, insists on hearing every detail. Maura let’s Jane take the lead there, hoping to resist the impending hives. Maura isn’t sure how Jane does it but somehow she manages to tell her mother enough that the question of what they were wearing was not belaboured and Maura is truly grateful she doesn’t have to tell her future mother in law that they got engaged while Maura was nude under her robe. 

Noemi comes home just as they are finishing dessert. The girl had claimed she had on-boarding things to do but Maura would not be surprised if the woman had also gone out of her way to be away. Maura couldn’t imagine how much she was hurting and to be surrounded by a happy family, a happy family celebrating an engagement, would be overwhelming. Maura and Jane trade looks and Jane follows the woman to her room. Jane would share their news and make sure Noemi was alright. 

Jane returns a little while later, she flashes Maura a smile and wiggles her ring finger where Maura’s ring glinted. Maura nodded, her own ring firmly in place. They’d agreed to wait to wear them until their family’s knew and Maura was reluctant to take it off. Of course, now that almost everyone knew, she didn’t have to. Maura nodded her head to the tree where a final round of presents now sat. Jane nodded and whistled loudly. ‘Alright everyone, we have one more round of presents for you. Could everyone gather around?’ The family assembles as Jane and Maura pass out their presents. The gifts had been Jane’s idea but Maura had procured them, finding a last minute artist to help make them happen. 

‘Everyone has theirs? Don’t open it yet.’ 

‘No peeking, either,’ Cailin whispers loudly, swatting at Frankie’s hands as he tried to peek. It makes the group laugh. 

‘Maur,’ Jane says, gesturing for Maura to take the lead. They’d discussed this but somehow Maura was nervous. Her stomach churned. 

Maura looks at Hope, Constance and Angela. ‘This present is special to both of us but to me in particular. And it is special because of the three of you. Angela you are such an extraordinary mother. You show so much love to the world and you collect children like Vince collects strays. Yet somehow you always have more love to give. Thank you for choosing me, for collecting me, for loving me.’ 

Angela smiles wiping at her tears, ‘of course honey.’ 

Maura looks at Hope and already her eyes are misting, ‘Mother is a complicated word between us. You brought me into this world. You loved me even as you grieved me. So much of who I am is because of who you are and the more I get to know you the more grateful I am for that. I know that for all of the complications between us, knowing you has made me better. Thank you for giving me life. And for the second chance to be a part of yours and Cailin’s life.’ Hope ducks her head but Maura sees the tears. 

Finally Maura looks at Constance. There’s ache there that Maura had never seen before. A longing that Maura knew was birthed from the envy felt over Maura’s relationship with Angela and Hope. ‘Mama,’ Maura begins softly, ‘those were the first words I spoke to you because you were and will always be my first image of motherhood. I owe you so much more than I will ever be able to repay. For taking me and loving me and raising me and giving me a family. I’d like to think that this present honours you the most.’ Constance openly blots at her own tears, too choked up to speak. 

Maura looked at the three of them and then looked at Jane with a sappy smile, ‘we love you and we want to honour all of you so…’ Maura gestures for them to open their presents. 

‘That was your cue to open your presents,’ Jane says with an eye roll when they don’t get it. The three of them do and a happy squeal from Angela comes first. She pulls out a coffee mug that says ‘Promoted to Nonna, again!’ 

Maura doesn’t see Hope or Constance’s reactions as Angela has flown from her seat to wrap both Jane and Maura in a strangling hug. The room bursts into cheers and Jane groans as her mother presses a kiss to her cheek. ‘You lot can open yours now,’ Jane shouts to be heard. 

Frankie and Tommy pull out matching ‘Funcles’ t-shirts. Nina and Cailin get an ‘Auntiecorn’ mug with a unicorn in a leotard doing a dance move that Jane had called a dab. TJ gets a shirt that says ‘my cousins think I’m cool.’ Vince cried openly over his ‘my favourite people call me poppy mug’ and Kiki beamed over her ‘promoted to Gigi’ mug. Maura strains to see over the ruckus what Hope and Constance thought of their grandma mugs, hoping she had not chosen the wrong name but she can’t seem to catch a glimpse of their faces. 

Jane takes the lead on answering their questions about foster care and how it worked. Maura decides it’s a good time to step away. She takes the dogs out for a break. Hope and Constance find her there. 

‘Here you are darling,’ Constance says, her warm voice soothing. ‘We were looking for you.’ Hope smiles and wraps a tentative arm around Maura’s shoulders. Maura leans into it for only a moment. 

‘Mothers,’ Maura says softly, feeling suddenly self-conscious. She wasn’t certain she ever had had a conversation with just the two of them before. ‘I hope you liked your mugs.’ 

Constance chuckles, ‘I did. Your Mémère would certainly approve.’ 

‘I never pictured myself a Nana,’ Hope offers softly, ‘but I’m certain I will grow to love the term.’ 

‘We can always change it, if you would prefer,’ Maura offers nervously. 

‘It was perfect,’ Constance says, her hand landing on Maura’s forearm, stilling Maura. ‘A wonderful surprise.’ Constance presses a kiss to Maura’s cheek in a rare display of affection. 

‘But we’re more touched that you want to honour our story through fostering and adoption,’ Hope says quietly. ‘I obviously wish things had been different for us but I’m so grateful for you Constance.’ Hope gulps softly. ‘You raised this beautiful woman so well. I shudder to think of how things would have gone if she hadn’t had you. You were a good mother Constance and I’m so grateful. 

Maura stares in awe at her mothers. This was unexpected and overwhelming in the best kind of way. Constance seemed to be feeling similarly because she blinked, shaking her head lightly before looking away. ‘I am grateful to you, Hope. I didn’t know… I never would have… if I had known….’ Constance struggles to find the right words.

‘I know,’ Hope says, cutting off the notion entirely. ‘I know you wouldn’t have. What mother would?’ 

‘But you unknowingly gave me the world's greatest gift.’ Constance smiles at Maura with raw affection and Maura truly wonders if her mothers have been drinking or perhaps if this was some gloriously uncomfortable dream. ‘And now we get to watch our daughter become a mother and outshine us both. How lucky are we?’ 

‘Very,’ Hope agrees, her eyes twinkling, ‘we love you Maura.’ Hope kisses Maura’s temple gently. 

‘And we’re proud of you, both of you,’ Constance says, shooting a look back toward the door where Jane was standing nervously. Constance presses a kiss to Maura’s cheek, ‘we’ll let the two of you talk.’ 

Jane swoops in as Hope and Constance leave, her arms wrapping around Maura’s waist, her chin resting on Maura’s shoulder. Maura relaxes into it completely. ‘Everything okay?’ Jane asks her voice husky, tendrils of steam coming from her lips in the cold. 

‘Yes,’ Maura says, her own voice breaking with emotion, ‘just feeling emotional.’ 

‘I can imagine,’ Jane offers. She presses a gentle kiss to Maura’s neck, ‘that was the first time I think I’ve seen just the three of you talking.’ 

‘It was,’ Maura affirms. 

‘Was it…’ Jane pauses, ‘did it go okay?’ 

‘Yes,’ Maura whispers, feeling grateful, ‘it was perfect.’ Maura turns her head to kiss Jane’s cheek. ‘Our children are very fortunate to have three grandmothers.’ 

Jane chuckles, ‘until they realise how overbearing their Nonna is.’ 

Maura chuckles too, ‘they’ll still be lucky to have her.’ 

‘That they will,’ Jane says swaying softly, ‘I love our family. I can’t wait to meet the rest of them.’ 

‘Me either,’ Maura whispers. They stay like that a while longer, swaying in the cold, dreaming of a not so distant future together. 

* * *

January is spent in a flurry of motion. They buy furniture, frequent consignment stores stocking up on everything from books and toys to cloth diapers and winter clothing. They organise clothing by size, toys by age and books by page type. Things are cleaned, labeled and put away in their appropriate bins. Nia does two walkthroughs, following a check list of safety features but finds nothing wrong on either visit. Maura had made sure of that. They are ready for their first placement long before the system is ready for them. 

Amanda Stephens, during a video call in which Panda showed off her new baby sister, called this stage the ‘hurry up and wait’ stage and Jane _hated_ it. She hated thinking that their kid could be out there, waiting on red tape to come home. She hated that her heart skipped a beat every time her phone rang. She hated walking by the open door of that empty room every night when all she wanted was to hear laughter and life coming from inside of it. 

While Maura never mentioned it or complained, Jane was fairly certain that Maura hated it too. That is, if the number of boxes arriving daily had anything to say about it. Even Berry had taken on a morose mood. The russet pup had claimed the child’s room, laying in the middle of the floor her head turned toward the crib in expectation. The first time she had done it, Jane had grinned. Maura had not believed her. The second time, Jane dragged Maura up the stairs to look at the pup. 

‘She knows,’ Jane says with a grin. 

Maura frowned, ‘that is not possible. She’s never lived with a child before.’ 

‘She still knows,’ Jane says going in to give the pup head rubs, ‘don’t you girl.’ Berry, always happy to receive Jane’s attention chuffed and wagged her tail, eyes closing in bliss. 

Maura joins them, tugging an ear in Berry’s favourite form of affection, ‘perhaps the bars on the crib remind her of the rescue. Do you think it could be fear?’ 

Jane considers it, her hand running over silky strands of red fur. ‘Nah,’ Jane says at last, ‘she’s too happy. She knows what is coming and she’s excited.’ 

Maura hums and Jane can tell she’s still skeptical but Jane isn’t. Berry was intuitive, just like her namesake. She had stayed with Noemi every night after Aarna left, refusing to leave the sad woman alone. Jane almost felt guilty for splitting the pair up when they returned to DC. ‘Some dogs can sniff out a pregnancy before those pee sticks do,’ Jane offers. 

‘But we aren’t pregnant,’ Maura says softly. 

‘Okay but couldn’t our hormones still be changing? Something detectable?’ Jane asks. 

Maura shrugs, ‘I suppose it is possible.’ 

‘But you don’t think it’s likely,’ Jane finishes for her. 

Maura sighs, petting Berry once more before standing up, ‘I don’t know what to think but so long as she is happy and healthy then so am I.’ 

Maura leaves the room but Jane lays down next to Berry, whispering conspiratorial, ‘I know you know Ber. And I promise they’ll be here soon. Okay girl?’ Berry chuffs again. Jane feels silly for the superstition but she’s a woman who follows her instincts, so she whispers ’and Frost if you’re listening, watch over them until they get here. They might need their Uncle Barry.’ Jane sniffles, burying her face in Berry’s fur, drawing comfort from the pup. 

Boston interrupts the snuggle session in true Boston fashion, simply barreling over the pair and flopping on Jane in dramatic fashion, her tongue lolling out of the side. It startles a laugh from Jane. ‘Alright, enough moping,’ Jane says scratching Boston’s chin, ‘lets go take Maura for a walk.’ At the ‘w’ word both girls jump up, tails wagging eagerly. Boston darts from the room and Jane can hear her feet thundering as she descends the stairs to where her leash is kept. Berry is hot on her heels but only after pausing to lick Jane’s face. Jane grins. The dog knew. She always knew. 

Life goes on between the waiting. Maura takes the early morning shift at the clinic, making sure she can be there for after school pick ups if it's needed. Jane makes sure her first class starts at 9 am, allowing her to do school drop offs if needed. Jane starts with a new batch of recruits, most of them predictably young, white and male, making Jane miss Aarna and Noemi. January turns slowly into February and they settle quietly into their new schedules. 

News comes on February 12th in the form of Nia Williams herself. She smiles and congratulates them of receiving official state approval to be foster parents. Jane and Maura celebrate with dinner out and canolis for dessert and then they hurry up and wait some more. Jane hates the waiting but every time she begins to feel impatient and frustrated, Jane peeks into the nursery, looks down at that little red dog watching over that crib, and Jane remembers that it will be worth the wait. 


	77. Chapter 77

Loving Jane Rizzoli was a constant lesson in yearning, Maura decides. Maura had loved Ian Faulkner. She had loved Jack Armstrong. Being with Ian and Jack had been tolerable, bordering on pleasant. She enjoyed their company. She did _not_ yearn for them. Even when they left Maura behind, Maura had been sad but she had felt no inclination to follow. Or even to pursue the relationship over time and space. Maura had thought, perhaps, she was incapable of that kind of emotional connection. Perhaps she truly was the ice queen.

And along came Jane. Sweet wonderful Jane who had challenged every belief Maura ever held about herself. Sweet wonderful Jane whose friendship she could not live without. For whom Maura would move across states and nations to be with. Sweet wonderful Jane who Maura had always wanted to build a life with, even when that life had been strictly more platonic in nature. Sweet wonderful Jane who could set Maura’s skin aglow without the barest hint of a touch. Sweet wonderful Jane whose kisses stole Maura’s breath away and left Maura needing more to simply go on. Yes, Jane was a constant lesson in yearning and that was before the desire to have children with Jane was so deeply embedded in Maura’s heart it echoed in every heart beat.

Seeing Jane and Berry lay on their future child’s floor day after day stirred a need so primal in Maura that it physically hurt. Every passing afternoon, the need grows. The feeling of it so large and heavy that Maura fears it would devour her whole. Maura yearned to see their home filled with little bodies of little people who would look up at their Ma with the same adoration that Maura often found echoed on her own face. It was deep and intimate all encompassing, this yearning to be a mother with Jane. By March, Maura is beginning to lose hope that yearning will ever be filled. She knows it hasn’t been that long, a matter of weeks really. She knows bureaucracy takes time. And still Maura is afraid. Afraid that their child would never come. That the room they had so lovingly prepared in anticipation would never be occupied. That Jane’s strong arms will never hold their child, love written all over her face. Jane, teasingly, calls her lovesick one night at dinner. Maura doesn’t know how she could be lovesick over humans she had never met but as she can’t come up with a more accurate terminology, she accepts it. She’s lovesick for the children she’s never met but she’s yearned for for months.

Which is why when Maura gets her first call from Nia in almost six weeks the first word out of her mouth is not her usual ‘Isles’ phone greeting. She does away with all pretence and instead answers with a ‘yes, we will take them!’

Nia’s laugh is bright and clear, ‘are you sure Doctor Isles? You haven’t even heard the case file.’

Maura feels a blush rise in her cheeks. She is certain. The only thing she is more certain of is Jane but Jane had a good decade or so to cement her place in Maura’s heart. ‘Obviously,’ Maura tries to contain herself, ‘I want to know everything there is to know but it will not change my answer. We are ready to bring our child home, whoever they are, whatever they have gone through.’

The silence that stretches between them could not possibly have lasted more than a few seconds but it feels an eternity. Nia’s words were all that were separating Maura from her heart’s desire. It was excruciating. ’Her name is Makayla.’ Maura can’t help the gasp she releases. If Nia notices it, though, she does not acknowledge it. ‘She’s 14 months old but she’s not hitting her milestones. That was part of why I wanted her with you Doctor Isles. You’ll be able to help her catch up.’

‘Any of her milestones?’ Maura asks nose wrinkling in concern, ‘or particular milestones?’

‘Social emotional ones mostly, though she is not independently standing either,’ Nia replies steadily.

Maura’s mind is already forming a plan, her heart thumping at the knowledge that she and Jane would be able to see their daughter’s first steps and hear her first words. ‘What of her family?’

‘That we’ve been able to find, it is just her mother. She struggles with alcoholism and hasn’t been able to hold down a job. Makayla was removed from the car she and her mother were living in. She is slightly malnourished and does not have much in the way of things. Do you have a car seat or will you need an agency provided seat?’

‘We have car seats,’ Maura replies immediately, ‘what is happening with her mother?’

‘At the moment, we’re attempting to get her into rehab. If she’s successful and can demonstrate that she can hold down a job and remain sober, there’s a very good chance that she will be able to get Makayla back.’

Maura gulped. It was always a possibility with fostering. One of the harder dynamics, in Maura’s opinion. ‘Yes,’ Maura whispers, ‘I understand. We would still love to take her.’

‘Good,’ Nia says, Maura can hear her smiling through the phone, ‘I have her with me now. What time can I drop her off?’

Maura does the mental math for how long she would need to find someone to cover the rest of her shift and drive home. ‘Can you be by in an hour? I will let Jane know but she is in classes for the next few hours.’

‘We’ll be there,’ Nia says cheerily, ‘and Doctor Isles?’

‘Yes?’ Maura asks anxiously.

‘She’s adorable. You’re going to love her.’ Nia says, ‘see you soon.’

The social worker has hung up before Maura can admit that she already does. ‘Makayla,’ Maura whispers softly to herself. ‘I am coming, sweet girl,’ Maura adds. The next few minutes are a whirlwind of action. She leaves Jane a message, finds Alyson and let’s her know what was going on. Alyson promises to shift her patients as needed and to reschedule who she could. Then Maura is off, headed home to meet her daughter for the very first time.

Maura beats Nia there with enough time to let the dogs out. She’s just wrangled Boston in to coming back inside when Maura hears the front door open. ‘Maur?’ Jane’s voice rings out, ‘is she here yet?’

Maura meets Jane halfway, ‘Jane? What are you doing here? Don’t you have classes?’

Jane grins, pulling Maura in by her waist and planting a happy kiss on her lips, ‘and miss our kid coming home? You’ve gotta be joking! Is she here yet?’

Maura shakes her head, ‘no. Her name is Makayla. She’s 14 months but she is not walking yet. Jane,’ Maura tugs in a mixture of excitement and need at Jane’s jacket blazer, ‘Jane we get to help her learn how to walk and talk. We get to see her first steps.’

Jane beams at Maura, ‘that’s amazing. Makayla. I’m going to call her Mak.’

Maura grins, ‘of course you are. Do I want to know which baseball reference you are making in particular?’

Jane’s dimples deepen as her eyes twinkle with mischief. ‘How do you know I’m making a baseball reference?’

‘The same way I know you call Boston, Sox when I’m not around,’ Maura says teasingly.

Jane blushes, ‘Connie Mack, the longest serving manager in American Baseball History with nine pennants which rank second in the hall of fame. He was born in Brookfield.’

Maura laughs lightly, ‘you are fortunate our first child is not old enough to tell you she does not want to be named after a famous baseball player.’

‘Why you gotta wound me so, Maur?’ Jane asks in exaggeration, a hand coming up to cover her heart.

Maura can’t help herself. She presses up on to tip toes to kiss Jane’s cheek and murmurs, ‘Mak is going to love you just as much as I do.’

Jane blushes, ‘you think? I hope so.’ They stand together in their hallway, eyes turned forward towards the door. Maura greets the yearning beast inside of herself like an old friend. Then their doorbell rings and Maura hears Jane gasp. Maura drinks in her own breath. Their first in their new role as mothers.

_ The Beginning _

* * *

_Author's Note_

Well friends and fam, this is it! The final chapter in Partners! I am so intensely proud of this fic and all that it has become. More than that I am so grateful to all of you who have read, commented and provided me feedback, support and encouragement. I wanted to throw out a few thank you's to a few of you in particular who have cemented your place in this fic and in my heart! 

To Jenna thank you for becoming my beta, my idea bouncer, and my muses advocater of chaos. This fic would be half as good without you my friend!

To MorganaAQ, Rachel3003, and CloudyUnicorn698 for sharing your words, emojis and encouragement throughout! Your comments and feedback challenged this story, added in needed clarifications and fluff and made it generally better. There would be entire scenes of clarity and fluff missing without you lot! 

And finally to Sallyrally who is the hero of fanfics, the champion of comments, the masterful praiser! You're wonderful and I love you my friend!

There will be _officially_ a sequel that I have _tentatively_ named 'Counterparts'. I will be posting a sneak peak at the end of this fic shortly (hence the 78 chapters). In the mean time, I am still writing Baby Rizzles and you're welcome to join me on that fluff ride. One commenter (Iwatchforher) said, and I quote, 'This is so wholesome and they both emanate such strong dumbass energy.' And honestly... that describes that fic so perfectly. Feel free to come join me in the cute!

Thank you all again, so much, for coming with me on this crazy Rizzles adventure that was just supposed to be them getting dogs and turned in to.... _this._ You guys make writing so delightful and interactive and I love it! So thank you, thank you, thank you!

All my love, 

Lil_leels


	78. SNEAK PEAK - Counterparts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is y'all! The sneak peak for Counterparts! Fair warning: emotions ahead!
> 
> These two sections are not happening concurrently. They are two separate scenes that give you an idea of where things are and where they're headed. 
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays y'all! Stay tuned!

Maura bounces Mak happily in her arms as they wait for Nia to arrive at the park. ‘Are you excited to play at the park Mak?’ Maura asks in the tone of voice she only seemed to use around the baby. Mak cooed and giggled at Maura, her fingers wrapping around the necklace on Maura’s neck. 

‘I bet she is,’ Jane says, pushing the stroller over to join them, ‘can you say swings Mak?’ 

‘Swings?’ Maura asks in her high falsetto voice, ‘swings?’ 

‘Ma!’ Mak says, reaching for Jane. 

Jane chuckles and stretches out her arms ‘come here kid.’ Maura passes Mak over and watches as Jane lifts the girl into the air, startling bursts of laughter from her tiny lips before blowing a raspberry kiss into her cheek. Jane swings the baby down so her feet brush the ground. ‘You wanna try walking over?’ Jane asks gently. She swoops the girl quickly into the air, ‘or do you want to go in your stroller?’ Jane swings her over towards her stroller seat. 

The baby fusses as soon as she sees the direction her bottom is headed in. ‘Not today Mama,’ Maura says laughing as Jane swoops the girl away again. 

‘Walking it is,’ Jane says. She puts the girl down, steadying her by holding her hands. 

Makayla takes a few wobbling steps, babbling happily towards the park. Jane supports her, hunched over in a pose that Maura knows will prompt her to ask for a massage later. Maura follows slowly with the stroller and diaper bag, her stomach churning. They were meeting Mak’s mother today. She had progressed far enough along to earn visitation rights. Nia had told them what to expect but Maura couldn’t help the nervous tension in her stomach as they approached the park. 

Nia arrives just as Mak is settling into the sand box, her chubby fingers grasping the wrong end of a shovel and flinging sand at Jane who sat just behind her, helping to scoop sand into a mound. 

‘Doctor Isles,’ Nia says as she approaches, ‘how are you doing today?’ 

‘We are doing well,’ Maura says with a smile to the social worker and friend, ‘a bit nervous but well.’ 

‘She’s nervous too,’ Nia says reassuringly, ‘she’s afraid of being judged for her previous predicament but remember this is in Mak’s best interest. She needs your support.’ 

‘We understand,’ Maura offers, ‘and I promise we will do our best to support them both.’ 

‘Good,’ Nia says smiling and waving. A woman across the parking lot waved back, making her way towards them. 

Maura watched as she approached. She looked like Mak. They had the same facial structure and Maura could tell even from this distance that Mak got her big beautiful brown eyes from her mother. ‘Miss Williams,’ the woman said, holding out her hand to Nia, ‘thank you for arranging this.’ 

‘Miss Scott,’ Nia said shaking hands, ‘this is Doctor Maura Isles.’ 

Maura held out a hand to the woman who took it, ‘you can call me Maura.’ Maura felt the tremble in the woman’s hands. Could see the fleeting glance of fear on her face. 

‘I’m Grace,’ the woman offers. She attempts to smile and Maura smiles back. 

‘That is Agent Jane Rizzoli,’ Nia says pointing, ‘she and Maura are Makyala’s foster mothers.’ 

Maura doubts Grace heard a word after she pointed because her eyes are fixed on Makayla. ‘Can I?’ Grace whispers, ‘would it be alright?’

Nia looks at Maura who nods and says, ‘absolutely Grace. Go ahead. I’m sure you’ve missed her.’ 

Grace nods, gulping back tears, ‘more than you know.’ 

‘Mak,’ Jane says softly, ‘look who’s here.’ Jane points for Mak to see as her mother approaches. 

Maura feels her heart speed up as she watches her daughters face go from curiosity to confusion to joy. Mak begins to crawl towards Grace eagerly and Maura has to suppress a sob. ‘Oh baby,’ Grace says dropping to her knees in the sand to greet Makayla, ‘hi baby. Hi. My baby!’ She pulls Makayla to her and holds her close. Makayla cries in her arms, her hands twining themselves into her mothers hair. 

Jane stands, brushing sand off her bottom, before coming to wrap an arm around Maura’s shoulders, ‘you okay?’ She asks softly for only Maura to hear. 

Maura nods, biting her lip and willing the tears to wait. She knew they’d come eventually but right now, her daughter needed her to be strong. Maura looked at Jane, her eyebrows knitted, her eyes glistening. Maybe Jane needed her to be strong too. ‘They look so much alike,’ Maura whispers to Jane. 

‘Yeah,’ Jane says sadly, ‘they’re beautiful.’ 

‘They are,’ Maura affirms. 

When Makayla is ready, she climbs down from her mother to return to the sand. Maura and Jane join them then. Grace watches, her eyes wide with delight. ‘I can’t believe how big she is! And she’s crawling!’ 

‘She is,’ Maura says with forced cheer, ‘she is so close to walking too. She can now stand independently. She’s even beginning to speak.’ 

‘She is?’ Grace asks, her eyes growing wet, ‘my baby is talking?’ 

‘Mak?’ Maura says getting the girls attention, ‘who’s this?’ She points to Jane in a familiar game to the one and a half year old. 

‘Ma!’ Mak says happily. ‘Ma ma ma ma ma.’ 

Maura cheers and does the requisite silly dance, ‘that’s right Mak!’ Maura doesn’t see the look of hurt on Grace’s face but Jane does.

‘We also are working on other sounds too,’ Jane says quietly to Grace. ‘She calls the dogs Ba.’ 

Grace nods, wiping at her cheeks, ‘you have dogs?’ 

‘Yeah,’ Jane says with a smile, ‘Boston and Berry. Mak loves them. Especially at meal time when they try to clean up after her.’ 

Grace chuckles, ‘I can imagine they all enjoy meal time.’ 

Maura smiles, ‘Mak is a very healthy eater, especially with all those beautiful teeth.’ Grace nods but this time Maura sees the sadness there. ‘I’m sorry,’ Maura says softly, ‘I didn’t mean to…’ Maura trails off. 

‘It’s okay,’ Grace says sniffing, ‘I just miss her. I’ve missed so much.’ 

‘Well,’ Jane says tentatively, ‘we have plenty of videos and we can send them to you. Maybe that will help you feel like you’re missing less?’ 

‘I’d like that,’ Grace says with a small smile. 

Maura spots a yawn from Mak which she confirms with the time on her watch, ‘it’s almost naptime. Would you like to take her for a walk around the park Grace?’ 

Grace nods, helping the girl to stand and begins the meandering walk. Jane and Maura pack up slowly. Maura can’t help but to keep her eyes on Mak. She liked Grace. She knew Grace was making progress and that Mak would likely be leaving them soon. Still Maura wasn’t ready to trust Grace with Mak’s care, not completely anyways. 

Mak, who hated getting in the car under the best circumstances, throws a tantrum with the full force her small body is capable of. Her fists and feet fly, striking out at Maura as she strains for her mother. It takes Maura and Jane to get her seated and buckled in. Grace gives the girl a kiss and whispers promises to see her again soon while the almost toddler screams. 

‘It was good meeting you,’ Grace says softly. 

‘You too,’ Maura says as Jane nods beside her, ‘take care of yourself Grace. I can imagine this was hard but Makayla needs you.’ 

‘We’ll send you those videos. And you can send us some to show to Mak too. We’ve been telling her about her brave mother who is making a better life for the two of you,’ Jane says with a smile. 

‘I’m trying,’ Grace whispers. 

Nia pats Grace on the back, ‘you’re doing very well Miss Scott. Should we do another visit at the same time next week.’ The parties all agree and Jane and Maura head home. 

Mak screams the whole ride home. Maura frees her from her seat and takes her into the nursery. She changes her diaper, pulls out clean clothes and prepares the girl for her nap. At some point the sobs turn to small whimpers and a heartbreaking look. Maura carries the girl to the rocking chair, she settles into it and begins to rock slowly. ‘I know sweet girl. I know you want your Mama. It’s okay,’ Maura whispers. Her heart aches for the baby in her arms. She supposes this is what love is. To want the best for Mak even when it could mean losing her. Maura begins to sing the lullaby she’d sung every day since Mak had come home. The girl's eyes slowly drift closed, her breathing evening out. Maura kisses her head softly. 

Maura knows she ought to transfer the girl to her crib. Jane would give her a hard time for letting the girl snuggle nap but Maura can’t help it. She just wants to hold her daughter a little longer as the tears she had delayed finally come pouring forth in silent streams. 

* * *

Cold streams of rain run down Aarna’s neck, trickling down her back. The rain carries the promise of a Boston winter in its chill. Aarna shivers, hugging her coat closer to her body. She shifts the weight off her left foot as she stares through the window of the Dirty Robber. Noemi is sitting in a booth, her face aglow with a smile as she chats with a woman Aarna doesn’t know. When the woman reaches out to touch Noemi’s hand lightly, Aarna feels the jealous beast inside of herself roar to life. Jealousy and regret were the only things Aarna could remember feeling for the last few months. 

Aarna’s teeth chatter, her hair sticks to her face. Her clothes are wet and heavy. Aarna waits. She had no right to interrupt Noemi’s date. Aarna can tell when the meal is over, and can see Noemi as she pulls her jacket on and says goodbye to her date. Aarna is grateful they don’t kiss. She isn’t sure the beast could take that. Aarna watches Noemi as she approaches the door. She watches that familiar form walk through and burst into the rain, her shell drenched in the outpour. Noemi shivers and pulls up the collar of her jacket. And then Noemi sees her. Aarna can see it in the way her body stiffens. 

Noemi crosses the sidewalk to the car where Aarna was leaning. ‘Aarna?’ Noemi has to shout to be heard over the rain and the cars passing. 

‘Hi Noie,’ Aarna shouts back, hoping the feeling would come across even in this mess. 

‘What are you doing here?’ Noemi yells, ‘you shouldn’t be here.’ 

Aarna nods, ‘I know but I didn’t know where else to go.’ 

Noemi stamps her foot in anger, a puddle splashing the bottom of Aarna’s already soaked jeans, ‘you need to leave.’ 

‘I made a mistake,’ Aarna says, the rain pouring over her lips, ‘I messed up Noemi.’ 

Noemi stares at her. Her arms are crossed, her eyes are dark. The rain has already soaked her hair, her pony tale dripping rivulets of water. 

‘Please!’ Aarna yells, ‘I need you Noie.’ 

For a moment, she thinks Noie might refuse. Might turn her away. Aarna would deserve it. But then Noie unlocks her car. 'Get in,' is all Noie shouts over the storm. And Aarna does, grateful. Maybe she could fix this after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to yell at me. :)


End file.
